90 Day Fiancé: Before The 90 Days: S812 “Final Boarding Call” Part 1

All right, y'all, thanks for listening, and we will.

Love you later.

A good show, Poodle, but I'm starving.

I just need to eat something and we can start.

Love is blind.

Oh crap.

I didn't have time to go to the grocery store.

I'm just going to order some food real quick.

Ooh, mama wants McDonald's.

Don't you dare.

We said we were both going to eat healthier this year.

And what happened to your meals that we ordered from Factor?

Well, I was supposed to get them yesterday.

Yesterday?

But then the UPS man delivered them

to the building across the street.

So I texted my neighbor, but she's out of town.

So she said her dog walker might be able to let me.

Your story has become tiresome.

Well, what else do you have to eat in your house?

Oreos.

I thought you said you weren't buying Oreos anymore.

I didn't.

I mean, they're the new protein Oreos with fiber.

Sure.

Well, Maddie, I don't know what you're eating on your break,

but I'm going to have one of my delicious meals from Factor.

What am I going to have today?

The honey mustard chicken?

Or perhaps the Thai coconut curry, baramundi?

Baramundi?

Ooh, is that a fish?

It sounds fancy, and I want it.

A magical fish it is indeed.

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I lick the plate, y'all.

Please never say lick in my presence again.

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It's like a restaurant meal at Shae Poodle.

Hey, Poodle, could I come over and have one of your Factor meals?

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No matter how sick I've ever gotten,

I've never shit the bed.

Well, shit, the bed meant to you.

She pooped on me.

She pooped on me.

Hello.

This is Captain Poodle speaking.

Are you ready to find love?

That's a boy, baby.

Love.

Exciting and new.

Row online.

There kept fishing here.

Shocker.

Beyonce.

Soon you'll be flying to parts unknown.

90-day Beyonce.

Mary, someone you've only met on your phone.

Be they friendship, Chinese, a brand new K-1 visas.

The key.

The key to what, Poodle?

Love.

It's reality gay.

Let's love.

In how many seasons?

In...

Have we never...

I don't think we've ever had someone say,

she pooped on me.

No.

Now, if you're gay, that's happened.

Occupational hazard.

But we...

This is eight seasons of...

Well, in 10 years, 11 years of 90-day Beyonce multiverse.

This is the first time we've seen metaphorical shit the beds.

Can you remove whatever buzz is on your face?

No, it's from my scarf.

But now we have a literal shit debate.

Take it off.

Well, it sheds.

It sheds.

But thank you for rooting my joke.

Sorry, I'm sorry, I guess.

Way to get sanded.

Just started over.

Well, it's too late now.

I'm not doing it.

It's done.

People need to know what I go through.

I couldn't look seriously.

Y'all.

I was trying not to make you look foolish.

I'm not happy because we're having to do a show in the same room.

Which means...

In the same bed.

In the same bed.

Because we're...

But we have clothes on.

And I'm at least three feet away from you.

I don't like that.

I mean, that side does.

I sleep over here, but I did eat Mary Payne's Chexmix on that side.

So you're probably going to have Chexmix on over here.

Yeah, there's trash over here.

Do you want some in them?

I just got those too.

You shouldn't eat in your bed.

Well, where else are you going to eat?

You're staying in the moxie.

It's a closet.

I eat over there in that little...

In that little desk.

Like a...

Yes, like the servant.

That's the servant's quarters over there.

This is a tiny...

These are tiny rooms.

These are tiny rooms.

We're in...

So if the sound is a little different, y'all.

And not the same.

We apologize.

But again, we and Christina are doing the best we can.

Still in B.K.

New York City for the ambies.

And the...

On air fest.

And we got stuck in the blizzard.

Like everybody.

We did get stuck in the blizzard.

And...

Everybody...

There was some people...

Like we met at the ambies last night.

We met two people from Madrid.

And they were like,

It's...

It's a...

We never get...

No, this is the wonderful adventure.

This is magical.

I'm like,

Yeah, that's...

That's not...

Being on an adventure is going on a yacht with a bunch of

Sean Cody models.

I almost looked at them and said,

You're so naive.

You know when people...

Like people are just...

It's a shit situation.

Someone says,

I just think it's great.

We can...

We can adapt.

And we can...

You know, it's this...

It changes up our routines.

And you're like,

Shut the fuck up.

It's...

It's miserable outside.

So, yeah, we're doing the best we can.

Hold up over here.

But as many of you probably have seen on the social media,

We did not win the ambie.

We did not win the ambie.

I have my thoughts about how...

This is a conspiracy that goes way, way, way to the top.

All right, Tim.

It involves...

You know what?

Tinful, haddy.

You can take the floor.

It involves the Rothschilds?

Yes.

And Kim Trails.

You know what?

Here's the thing.

I still feel like a winner this morning,

because during the live...

Live chat for the live stream feed.

Sissy's were all the fuck over on that page.

Go and y'all.

Yes, Benny and Poodle.

And when we didn't win, y'all pieced the fuck out.

There were 400 people on the live stream.

And then it went to 100.

Yes.

So that'll show them.

We even had someone put in the comments,

who said someone needs to do a deep dive podcast

of the fanatic reality game fans.

The fandom of the reality games.

I'm very impressed.

That is why we are winners,

because it...

That's why I feel like a winner.

That's what I was saying.

Sissy's y'all really are the best,

and we appreciate you so much.

And that was...

And you know what?

We keep saying fuck you Conan, but we all...

No, I love Conan.

But we love Conan.

Conan Brian's one of my comic heroes.

No, like so if we had to lose someone

to a conspiratorial type of award show,

then at least it's Conan.

Capitalist pigs.

That's all I'll say.

This is what I've learned.

Corporate teeth.

If we get somewhat famous,

and we're actually nominated for like...

I'm glad we didn't win.

Because then we wouldn't be counterculture.

We wouldn't.

You got fuzz all over your beard.

What must be getting on this bed?

No, I don't know what it is.

No, it was white.

Okay, you've got...

You ruined my joke.

I would get it.

I would get it.

I would get it.

But it might be semen.

Possibly.

Possibly.

Possibly.

Possibly.

Possibly.

This is off the road.

No, we're pulling.

We got drunk last night.

If you're not...

I got a little tipsy.

If you're not on social media,

Poodle was a...

Because only one person could speak.

So, Poodle and I together...

We wrote a speech.

We wrote most of it.

And then...

But he did give the speech.

Not to our bartenders.

Not to our bartenders.

To bartenders.

Yeah.

It's on social media if you want to see what we saw.

So you can see your things.

And I think our listeners and our team are G.

And I told and I thanked...

And I was amazed that our comic heroes,

John Stewart,

we're even the same category of John Stewart,

Conan O'Brien, Rachel Dratch,

and hilarious comedian Malcolm Gladwell.

Mm-hmm.

Yes.

Boy.

He's got great crowd work.

Really impressive.

I'm going to say,

I'm going to speak for my...

I almost speak on my heart.

Mm-hmm.

When they announced the award

to go to Conan O'Brien,

first of all, I went,

Boo!

Or something like that.

No, no, you said,

Boo.

And then you yelled,

He's not even here!

And then I screamed,

He's not here.

Give it to the next person.

You did.

So, if...

If and when we get nominated for, honestly...

This is country come to town at the award.

Yeah.

Country...

If we get nominated for a real award.

You know?

I'm doing a company win.

And when you go win,

you're going to be...

That's what I was saying.

I am glad no one went up on that stage

because I may open up there.

There was no security.

They didn't even...

Well, they didn't even have the actual

ambi for you to take home.

You had to hold a prop ambi,

give your speech,

and then put the ambi back.

And then put it down.

And then you were supposed

to take a postcard that says,

I want an ambi.

I want an ambi.

I want an ambi.

And then hope.

And then just hope.

You get one.

So jk.

I'm telling you,

this is a scam.

This is a scam that goes all the way

to the top.

Fucking rough child.

It's...

It's...

It's...

It's...

It's bigger than the Rothschilds.

Yeah.

It's bigger than...

It's bigger than everything.

What's the Italian organization?

The...

The...

The Luminati?

Luminati.

Oh!

Oh, they're...

They're like a lower level.

Okay.

Compared to this.

Okay.

In my work, they're listening.

This is true.

That's a lot of the truth.

Yeah.

But let me just say.

I...

I really believe if you submit

for an award show,

someone should be there

from your team

to accept your award.

I do think that because

Conan is a serious show

and serious is based in New York, so...

But no one went up on that stage.

Yeah, I agree.

And he, all he won like four things.

He won like Best Comedy Podcast with the...

So they were announcing and they're like,

come on Ryan and the next thing for blah, blah, blah.

They didn't even get no one gave any time.

Yeah. I don't know.

I just thought it was kind of and I love Conan.

So I don't want to shit on him or his organization.

I've had nothing to do with it.

I don't believe so someone.

Conan didn't even know he was not exactly.

But I'm saying someone representative from his show should have been there.

They someone submitted someone from this show submitted.

I wish I could have recorded the commercial that they submitted for him on my phone.

And then one day we're going to be on Conan and I want him to listen to his ad and our iD

and say, who do you think won?

Who's funnier? Tell us.

Tell us in your ad.

He didn't admit it was ours.

And what?

His ad is very funny.

It is funny.

ours was just I would say ours was just kind of weirder and better.

You were going to sound like you were going to say something really thoughtful and intelligent.

No.

And then you just said better.

I'm still still salty.

But I I feel like a winner because our sissy showed up and I got twisted six ways to Sunday after

the after the you had two bangings yesterday and the first one take one completely didn't

after after getting just drunk and losing you needed to get it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What was his name?

Is it to to identifying?

You know what you don't remember?

I feel I feel weird because it was so recent.

Oh god.

I don't like saying their names.

You know what I can say?

What did he do?

It was the name of a country.

Okay.

Wow.

Someone got fucked by Uruguay.

No, it's his name.

And I was like, oh, is that where you're from?

He's like, no, that's my name.

Oh.

I went.

What's his name?

Turkey.

Were you banged by Turkey?

Being in a talk.

Bigger than Turkey.

No.

It was an it was it's an island nation in the Caribbean.

Now I'm like, great.

It's a bigger than a bread box.

Well, good.

I'm well.

I'm glad that.

And no, it was not Haiti.

No, his name was St. Thomas.

Okay.

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A couple of things, y'all, a little quick announcement.

Love is blind.

It's out.

As you know, everyone's been talking about what a wonderful season it is.

We want to remind you that this week, the finale is going to drop.

We will not be getting a screener of that.

So just please don't email us and say,

Where is it?

Where is it?

That stresses us out.

And we, of course, are going to watch it as soon as we can.

Yeah.

And then record as soon as we can to get that for you.

But how about the complete emulation of Bri and Connor?

Y'all are going to have a lot of feelings about that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bri's going to hear it as she should.

I wonder.

I wonder if will there be a contingent of her saying,

Well, she stood up for what she wanted.

And I disagree.

I don't think she knows what she fucking wants.

I don't think she knows.

And I really don't think she needed to be on that show.

No, no, no.

I think to be on that show where it's effective to find a partner,

you have to have convinced yourself what you actually want.

And she's even going, my dad, I've been talking to this

and my dad says, maybe, maybe this is what,

maybe this is what you've been chasing.

It's all, it's all wrong.

And I'm thinking,

you're where you think your priorities are.

And again, she's two, she's two way to

involve with the term alpha and everything like that.

And I'm just,

I hope she does some thinking and she grows from this.

But I'm sure Connor's DMs are pretty available, Y'all.

If you're in the Columbus area.

You know what, Breeze and I don't.

It'll be interesting to see how she feels.

She's going perfect.

Watching herself.

Maybe I don't know.

Maybe she'll change.

Maybe she won't.

I don't think we will see any self-reflection at all

from the reunions.

I'm calling it now.

Y'all, March 12th.

Secret Lives of Mormon wives.

What a birthday gift, thank God.

Oh, by the way, today's the first or when we're recording.

It's the first day of the retrograde.

Great.

Great. I'm flying.

I'm kind of like, yeah, I'm going to make your flight.

I'm only flying six hours.

What could go wrong?

Good news.

Thank you to the PR team at Hulu.

We did get all of them.

We've got all of the screen.

All of the screeners.

We did.

Which means we'll be able to

I think I've got it where we're going to have at least,

at least maybe a day after.

I think we will have it where

I've got everything where we'll have it by maybe.

Well, Christina has to edit the,

Christina's to edit video for this.

So she's screaming at you right now.

So why don't we say two days?

Two days after March, by March 14th,

by the eyes of March, you will definitely have.

That's the 50th.

I know, I'm trying to.

It just sounds more dramatic.

But that's on YouTube.

Don't forget.

So, but we'll see, we'll see if you want to press

her Christina.

She's trying to have a vacation.

She's trying to.

Sure.

She'll be home this weekend.

Well, then what else is she going to do?

And then it's back to work.

It's back to work.

She would get the chain back to her dead.

Then the chain goes back on your leg.

I actually texted the group.

We really missed Kristen and Caitlin and Christina last night.

But it also was probably better because Christina probably would have yelled out

at the ceremony as well.

It would have been bad.

Kristen would have thrown hands.

Kristen, there was cute guys there.

Kristen might have gone in a corner and made out with some guy.

And Caitlin would just be mommy night out.

Drunk and sick.

Drunk and sick.

Drunk and sick.

Yeah.

That's how it would have gone.

That's how it would have gone.

We're a classy group, are you?

People can sing.

Is there, where are industry people?

Were there like celebs there at the ambies?

There were like industry celebs.

Rachel Martin.

Rachel.

I saw Rachel Martin from Wild Card.

Kara Swisher got like a.

She wasn't there.

A war, a big like the governor's award or whatever.

She didn't even make it.

It was the snow.

But where does Kara Swisher live?

I don't know.

I don't know.

Is she not new?

I am going to take her at her word.

Well, that's true.

She's great.

I think this, yeah, the all this is the last week of settling Amish.

That's going to.

And I think it's the start of last week of love after lock up on the new season.

But you'd always jump on the old one.

So it is the season finale ends this week.

Heirs this week.

Okay, great.

And then it's Mama June for a while, y'all.

And I'm not sure when that comes back.

But if you are, if you're jonesing and you need your fix

for a love after lock up, we are in classless.

We are waste deep in season two.

It's wonderful.

Spectacular season.

Yeah, it is.

It's great.

Gloria, that's all I need to say.

Gloria, that's all you need to say.

I think that is it.

Be sure to listen to the Galey dose on Friday.

Come at me on cameo.

If you want a cameo.

And don't forget to follow us on YouTube.

So you can on YouTube's day.

Watch this right now.

We're trying to record a video.

Hopefully it works.

Hi, we're waving.

Hi, you're here.

You're looking at Poodle's yellows.

Oh, these are my Wonder Woman socks.

My mother made it.

Our socks are distracting.

I gotta say I didn't.

I did not know I'd be put in this in this position.

Well, prone.

Yeah.

Prone, prone.

Okay, shall we do that?

Well, prone.

Let's begin.

Oh, something else to tell people.

Y'all, when we were flying here,

we had to lay over in Detroit to New York.

And on our flight was Gina.

Y'all, I did what I never do.

You told me that like Gina's on this flight.

And I'm like, I'm going to get a picture.

And so I acted like I was taking a selfie like that.

Of course, I was aiming at the other way.

And I went, kick.

And he looked right at the camera.

Right at the camera.

Didn't recognize either of us.

No, we normally would say hi,

but we've talked a lot of shit about him.

I'm totally not.

I'm disengaging.

I don't want to talk to him.

I don't want to have a relationship with him.

He's a terrible human being.

But immediately we went, what's happening?

What's happening?

And, and then, oh, we should tell who we went into.

That I was leading you into that.

Thank you.

I'm glad that you were letting me just, you know, letting me set you up.

But tell me, I tried to snatch it from you.

Who did you tell?

See last night when you were in the lobby

getting waiting for Dick?

I walked, well, I walked out of my room.

And this guy, ahead of me, walked out of my room.

And I'm like, who's that?

And I kind of, he was literally, we're in the same floor.

And I kind of turned around and he looked back.

I'm like, and then Jamal turned around and was,

oh, hey, how are you?

You know, Jamal kind of has gay voice.

Yeah, but he's not.

But he's not.

But he kind of is like,

you know, he's just like, very comfortable.

Yeah.

Young guy.

That's the way they all sound gay,

because they're all comfortable with not all of them,

but most of them are comfortable.

And so he's like, I'm like, he's like,

what are you doing?

And I said, well, we're here for the podcast award.

He's like, I'm here for the, you could probably guess.

And so he's like, yeah, they're doing, uh, he wouldn't say,

but I'm pretty sure, yeah, we're thinking,

tell all of her single life.

So, so I'm like, he's like, what are you doing?

I'm like, I'm actually going to meet a hook up with a lobby.

He's like, me too.

So we rode down the elevator there.

Yeah, I went down the good glass of wine.

He went to meet a girl.

I went to meet.

I met the girl.

She was very nice.

When I was in the lobby, he was FaceTiming with his mom,

who Kimballi, who's in town, obviously.

So I'm pretty much verified.

So he just handed me his phone while he talked to the girl.

I just, I just talked to Kimballi for like 20 minutes on FaceTim

on his phone.

Boy, the ironing of you talking to Kimballi

while I was getting railed.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's what you talking to women while I'm getting banged.

Well, we both got what we want,

because that's what we love to do.

Anyway, I think we can go.

It's hot in here.

Open your window.

I don't think we can open.

It'll be loud.

Why did it get hot in here?

We did it.

Every time you say moment, see it.

I just got hot.

Don't knock over the zoom.

Oh, God.

Let's see.

Oh, it's fine.

It's fine.

Just leave it up for a little bit.

Kind of, let me make sure that he's not on.

Why is it?

Christina, keep this in.

This is comedy.

No, turn off your thermostat completely.

That's what I did.

Ooh, you're looking at me.

Ooh, you can imagine I'm in your bed.

What if I just did everything from my bed?

I've told you you should make TikToks of that.

In my bed?

Yes, it'd be great brandy for you.

In my bed.

Okay, I feel like that's a little too loud.

So we're going to have to shut it.

No, a little bit.

Just a little bit.

It's going to make that's so much sound.

Christina's going to hate it.

Fine.

Guess I'll be hot.

No one cares.

Did you turn down it, turn it down?

Did I turn what?

Yes, I turned it off.

Okay, all right.

For the 68 degrees.

It did, though.

It just got hot, y'all.

I think we should get into the show.

I think we should.

Okay, now you can close it.

At least I didn't do that.

That was 20 minutes of nuttery.

How do you feel now?

Look, crap!

Look, crap.

And, y'all, so, uh,

she said, I've never shit the bed.

And he says, it's the spicy food.

You can say, but I like spas though.

And he's like, I accept you with all my heart.

You don't have to be embarrassed.

And it literally, he's in his, in the moment,

he goes, she pooped on me.

And, and she pooped on me real good.

And then she's like, it was everywhere.

I had to change the sheets.

And it's, I couldn't stop going to the bathroom.

And it's, stop, couldn't stop coming out of me.

It's so great because she's telling this and walk her

in the hotel where I'm going, uh,

and Daniel's just like eating a rice cake or some snack.

Yeah.

Nine, nine plus.

It, look, that has happened to me.

It is, I remember.

You've shit, you're, you've shit yourself a lot.

Oh, my brother has a shark kit that he just brings with him,

just in case shark, shark kit, a shark kit.

When you think you're going to fart and you actually shit,

it's really not a bad idea.

That's a whole, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a,

that there's a, there's a contingency plan for that.

Well, look, as y'all know from my father, even, you know, like,

shit was a family business.

So in my dad, always, uh, you know, never ate that.

I think sometimes the canned tamales would hit him the wrong way.

Oh, God.

Uh, I don't think there's a right way for canned tamales to hit you.

But, um, so no, my brother has a shark kit.

I probably should get one too.

But mainly keeps sounding like you're saying shark kit,

but shark.

Oh, thank you.

But I remember one time I went out on Long Beach with some friends to a gay bar.

And I promised y'all that I was roofied.

I was drinking the same thing everyone else was drinking.

I've been, I've been roofied or the gay bar before because I blacked out and woke up and this

very young, probably too young Asian man was trying to give me a blow job in a bathroom stall.

And then I realized I was thinking he'd roofied you?

I don't know.

Then I realized I was in the women's restroom.

So we got kicked out and I threw up on the sidewalk and went to bed.

I thought I was fine.

And then I woke up that morning and I hear we were staying in the hotel room.

There's like three of us.

And I hear my best friend Nicholas who's originally from Columbia, from Bogota.

I hear, oh my god.

Oh my god.

Oh my fucking god.

And I wake up and there's just shit all in the bed.

I'd sat in the bed and then apparently I had gone to the bathroom.

I don't remember it.

I didn't know where the toilet was.

And there was just shit all over the bathroom.

And of course I was going to clean it up because it's my, so I'm just cleaning it up and throwing up.

And that's why I don't go to Long Beach anymore because they know me there now.

So that may be sad.

So anyway, so now they're going to take a cooking class.

I went, that's amazing.

That is an amazing planning.

So my tummy is so upset and she's like, you can't make it up.

But then she says, but I love cooking for him because if a man's going to love me

covered in shit, that means his love for me is real.

That's yeah, she's like, because I'm going to go to the cooking class but I'm worried.

Again, what have we heard this?

But I'm worried about explosive diarrhea.

This now look y'all.

Besides the way the woman for 21, man for 21, yeah.

This is, this is, this is the, this is the gifts that Daniel is getting.

The fact that he is handling this like, babe, because he says, you know, things just happen.

It's a good and the bad.

She is totally convinced now that this guy is not scamming her at all and actually loves it's,

and then what happens is episode, the fact that she's fucked up, it could not have worked out

more perfectly for this con.

Yeah.

So yes.

So we're at the cooking class.

We are.

And it's with Chef Rukayat, I believe.

I did not get her name, but thanks.

Starts with the R. I probably said it wrong.

They're making Oha soup.

Oha soup.

Okay, yes.

You know what?

I think this might be better relayed in a reality gaze theater.

Italian

It's very good.

Thank you.

Well, your high note was a little flat.

It was, but it's fine.

I'm the first to say it.

But yeah, but it's fine we, I don't care about it.

But you said it.

Didn't keep you from saying it.

It's a little, I'm a little, it's fine. You had someone's dick up in your vocal cords

last night. Yeah. Yeah. That'll do it. Okay. Fine. I will play, I believe you're playing

the chef and mainly chef Wukayat. Again, I will not be doing our accent because, well,

we don't really don't do that. No one's asking you to. Okay. Good. Don't ask me. I'm not

doing it. It sounds like me, the mind was, it sounds like someone went to the wine last

night. Maybe, maybe, I've learned that this peanut on Martha's hotel goes great with

the M&M's. I bought Mary Payne, who was gonna come. And then, y'all, now I'm just stuck

with her food. As soon as Mary Payne was told that she wasn't coming, someone started

buzzing through her snacks like a beaver. Like, like the metaphorical body of Mary Payne

wasn't even cold. Maybe. Like Mary Payne said, I'm not coming. The bags ripped open.

And he ate all of her blusher snacks. Possibly. Alright. Possibly. Alright. So I'm gonna

play Lisa. So we are, we are at the cooking class. Yes. And action action. Oh, this looks

so nice. I'm still worried about my digestive system. Okay. Hello. Welcome.

Welcome to cooking with Rukayat. I'm Chef Rukayat. Hello. Thank you. We're today. We

are making, and hello, Daniel. Hello. We are making Oha soup. Now, have you ever made

that before? I have it. I don't know what it is, but I'm open to try new things. I'm

not feeling that well today. Oh, this will make you feel better. This is a comforting

soup. Oh, medicinal. Oh, you feel so much better. Maybe I can try some of it. Yeah, it's

really, really bland. There's not really a lot of intricate ingredients here. What's

in it? Can you tell me? We got a little bit of it. There's some garlic. There's, you

know, a couple of dried fish, you know, and also we're going to use a lot of chicken

broth. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, yeah. That's for a minute, for a minute, for a minute,

for a minute. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, what was that? Sorry. Sorry. I just stepped on a frog.

Oh, oh, okay. Is everything all right? Oh, no, I'm fine. You sure about that. I'm

fine. Yeah. Okay. Well, let's continue, shall we? Okay. So, yes. So this is all the

ingredients we need. Okay. What else is there? Can you tell me? There is a little bit

of green onion, a little bit of, yeah, oh, yeah, it's not that bad. We've got also some

looks like, you know, some, again, I said, garlic. Oh, don't forget the, the tribe. Yes,

we love tribe. It's, in fact, it is a dried sour tribe. It's very, very fragrant smell

it. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, what's

it? What was that? Oh, oh, that's just an animal outside. Oh, wow. It sounds like

something about how you know, oh, what's that? It wet. Oh, sorry, that was just me clearing

my throat. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Oh, are you okay? Okay,

let's, now look, let's begin cooking. You just, you need, yes, you need to learn to

cook as a, as a woman in the kitchen. Yes, I'm stirring it. Yes, let me just move my

leg this way. Oh, okay, okay, what is that smell? Oh, that's just the soup. Oh, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, everything all right. Oh, excuse me, excuse me. Okay, okay,

so hopefully, all right. Now, okay, the soup's done. It's time to taste. Would you like

a little taste? Just take a little bit. Oh, well, it's considered rude and your marriage

will be an unhappy marriage. So just one little taste. Here you go. Okay, sip it down.

Oh, no, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. And

see, never say we're not above fart jokes. Never. We never, we'll never. It's

still going to stop it. Never, never. You know why? High quality show. So the soup does

look very good, but there's a lot of ingredients that are, there's a lot of, I would call it

pungent and ingredients that if you were having a stomach flu or something like that would

not be great. Yeah. Um, so y'all, this is when he says, which they sit down to go, this

one they sit down to eat. Again, she cooks, he takes one bite and the look on his face

is this guy. Give him, give him the Nigerian Oscar, Nigerian Oscar. He give me at least

he gets up and goes, and kind of grabs her chin and then just kind of mouth fucks her

face for a second. She does so little too in this cooking segment. Yeah, she really did.

She just stirred and I wrote this guy as a fucking pro. He says, this is so sweet. You are

wonderful. And he's like, I was very sick last night. And I liked it where she was sick,

but she poured herself tons of wine. Tons of wine. That's going to be good for the gullet.

No, I don't think that's going to be, um, yeah, I don't think so there, y'all finally,

of course, because she's having this nice dinner and she thinks, well, maybe this is a

better time. Yes, I need to tell you about, I think it might be, I think it might be

better to do this and another installment of reality gaze theater.

Very good. I was also flat. You started it in a lower key though. I started in too high.

It's nice. That sounded like I need you to record that and let because not once has he ever

praised me for a key. Well, I said, I'm glad you started in a lower key. So it sounded

kind of like a backhand compliment, but it wasn't supposed to be. That's why you can get

that. I'll take what I can get every compliment must be backhand. I'll take what I can get.

All right. And so I'll be playing Daniel. It will be Lisa and imagine their, um, they're

just sitting down to eat and action. Oh my darling. This looks so good. I love you so much.

Oh, I love you too. Thank you so much. Um, are you going to have any soup? Are you having

not not right now? You're not okay. Well, I just need to talk to you. Okay. Oh boy, keep

talking. I deeply love you. You know how I've been married a few times. Yeah, I know you've

been married a few times. It was five times five times. Yeah, you would be my six. Oh, sorry.

I'm so sorry. I'm turning this into a part. I can't hear you. How many times? I said five.

Oh, hold on. I said five times. Give me my six husband. Okay. Yes. All right. Wow. Um,

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Ah, he, wow. Okay. Let's, wait. Oh no. So I would be your

six husband. That's what I said. And I promise all of them were man. Okay. Why would you

You not discuss this with me.

Why would you not tell me this?

Is it okay?

I don't know.

Well, you know, we make mistakes,

and sometimes you get married to a hundred men

and you get divorced, but when you're a hundred man,

but yeah, when you meet your God-given husband

at last forever, so it's fine,

but at least you're divorced.

What transpired?

What faithful to me, and this fifth one.

Yeah.

This person, this fifth person,

was in the man, was he a nice man?

This person.

Oh, boy.

You went out.

Let me go.

Oh, we hung on.

Hold on just a minute.

Woo.

Oh, boy, it's up to come out on that one, that one.

I feel bad.

Do you know?

So tell me about this fifth man.

You think he was a man?

Well, you said it.

You said it.

We were married a few months, and then he ran off

with somebody else, and I couldn't locate them.

And recently I found them, and I followed the divorce,

but I'm still married.

What?

You're still married.

What do you mean you're still married?

But I asked you at the airport.

It's because you proposed to me at the airport.

I couldn't know what I'm doing.

And you had a parade and everything.

Oh, my God.

I'm sleeping with another man's wife.

What could get worse?

We're legally separate.

Uh, what?

Uh, uh, hold on.

Just one more.

Oh, ah.

Ooh, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da,

Duh, ya.

Oh, oh, oh.

Maybe.

Let's wave it out.

OK, OK, all right.

Please, just.

I'm in crisis here because I'm sleeping.

I'm in crisis toe.

Do you know what could happen to me?

I could be banished.

Oh no, banished from my own tribe.

We was left the same man for seven years.

Separated for non.

But you're still married.

I brought my uncle out here.

My uncle, he came all the way to my friend's youth.

I lied to them.

I lied to them.

I'll give you your ring back and then I'll leave.

I promise he is my ring.

Oh.

I'll just walk away from the table.

Why would you do that?

I'll just walk away.

Here we go.

I'll miss a big walk on a way.

There we go.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Whoa.

I'm ruined.

There we go.

There we go.

There we go.

There we go.

There we go.

Aren't you glad I'm over here?

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I don't know if y'all are enjoying this, but we are.

We are.

We are.

We're submitting this episode for an A&D.

Yeah, this is our episode.

This is our episode for Best Comedy Podcasts.

We're submitting this for Best Comedy Podcasts.

They can suck it.

So yes, y'all, he is thinking that he has now

been committing adultery because he's sleeping

with an audience wife.

He is performing almost this kind of,

it's like he is somehow a fellow

and she is a farting desktop on them.

And he is going in on this, how could this be?

I could never, this could never happen.

Oh, what it's gonna happen to me.

I feel like someone poised to be, what a queen.

What a queen.

So y'all, the producer even says they have been legally

separated and he's like, well, don't even tell me that.

And so she, they are, she is on her knees.

She's begging.

Thank you, please, thank you, baby.

I'm so sorry.

Please forgive me.

And it's all I have to, he says, stop, stop.

He says, you're messed up.

It's all I have to say.

He asks to stop filming.

And then Lisa just sits at that table

and pours it in a warmest pour.

She's a crying.

She's like, I'm a fucked up person.

Fucked up.

Y'all, that's that little title card

is gonna be everywhere of her saying,

I'm a fucked up person.

Because she said, you know, I should have told him earlier,

she's like, Daniel's never gonna fulfill me.

It's never gonna forgive me.

There's no coming back from this.

And that's where Daniel says, she called me a liar

in a scammer, but she is the real scammer.

Boom.

And I thought white people tell the truth.

That's gonna be a meme too.

That's gonna be a meme too.

I'm like, Daniel, you need to know a lot more white people

because I don't think we're great at truthiness.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Don't think it's, she's drinking all that lines

and he's saying, what did I do to deserve all this?

And then Lisa says,

He doesn't even know that he is a she.

I don't know what he's gonna say.

I can't tell him.

I was a baby 21 years.

I can't, I can't.

And then he goes on, they have to get in the same van.

You ride back and he sits in a different thing.

He sits in a different thing and when he gets out,

you hear her going, they knew, they knew.

But he just walks away and she just gets in a different room.

Yeah, she's, you see him laying on the couch.

And so we don't see any more of him,

but then Lisa calls her daughter,

she calls her daughter, faith and she, you know what?

I think we've got to, yeah, we've got to cap this off.

We're going to do it.

And I don't know what we're going to do.

Yeah, I think you know what I do.

It's time for our third.

But let's be real.

Yeah, let's be real about this.

Because this is a serious conversation.

Okay, it's time for our third and hopefully final,

a serious version of the song, a dramatic reality game.

Let's be a doll.

Do do do do do do do do do do do.

All right, this is, yeah, you can be Lisa, I'll be faith and action.

Hey, mom, mom, what's wrong?

What's wrong? Hey, oh God, something happened again.

Well, I told you how many times I was married and that I was still, man.

What, wait, mom, take some breaths, okay?

Just in, now in, okay, are you calm now?

Yeah, I'm calm, oh, sorry, what's that?

Sorry, I've been having digestive issues, Holter.

What?

Oh, no, mom.

I'm sad, I've been having digestive issues.

What, did you eat tripe again?

You know you can't eat that.

Oh my God, mom, I could smell that through the facetime.

Sorry, but I, oh, ow, that was a loud one.

What happened?

Just tell me what happened.

Well, I didn't, I told him I'd been married.

Yeah.

I didn't tell him about the women, though.

What?

You should have been told about the women.

I can't tell him about the women, I can't tell him about the women.

I can't tell him about the women.

Hello.

He's going to be devastated when you find out it's a woman.

No, no, no, no.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Okay, mom.

Wow.

Okay, that's I think it's past.

Okay.

God.

I don't want to be over.

I know.

I know you do, mom, but you've destroyed this man, you have to tell him.

You have to tell him.

I can't.

I ca-

I just don't know what I can do anymore. I'm just I'm just I'm just

I call you back honey. This is about to come out. I got a turtle's head sticking on a mouth. Oh god. Okay, mom. Bye

Bye

You love you

I

Think if you go back and look this episode is maybe

One eighth fart noises

One fourth already. I don't I really the one that sounds like a break squealing disturbs me

I can promise you there is no more fart noises. Yeah, I can promise you

Oh, what other podcasts ladies and gentlemen both of us knew both of us knew when we watched this. Yeah, that

We wanted to do you know what?

Mary and Britannia had a colonic theater. It was there. I walked the inner walks so this could run totally

I'm not submit that for the ampeas

Anyway y'all um, that's it. Let's talk about talk about a Viva and steak all

Do you need to know about a Viva is do you see her face when they show their title Kairan car like she's just staring like this

I don't think we've ever had a less charismatic person. She's so boring on telling the show

She's so boring and also

When the father thinks the sun is probably fucking other women

girl

It's digs father

Dwayne the artist

artist

Maybe that's there's his surname maybe artist the artist

So she is going to meet with ant spring later on he's like you're gonna leave me all day my dad's coming later

And he's like I don't know what she's gonna hear from ant spring

She's gonna really she's like, but she'd be stupid to break up me for this

And y'all so there's ant spring and Corinth and which the sissies have now called her team umudana this blonde ambition

Hair ornament is just

Shining in the sun. It is just like

It's incredible. It is incredible. It is incredible. I'm gonna say

Without

Think of her spring and Corinth and that hair ornament this story would be nothing. It would be so boring. So

She says she says well, he gave me his side the story last night and he says it was just a fan encounter

And I liked it when ant spring basically says take it Corinth. Yeah, it's like here's the picture from the she's like take it

It's from the heat of a clock ladies detective agency. Yes, and and spring says see that's more than a fan

And so they see it's a picture and and and Corinth says I've known this one forever

She said that she has been having a relationship on and off with this guy so they were hooking up basically

So when ant spring told me you were dating him

I thought that's weird because I know my friend and he have a sexual relationship and at that point

Corinth slipped sipped so strongly in her straw

Again drag please put in the drag race for all noises

and

Then this is the trick here like can I call her room and so they call her and they didn't even

Already had her on speed dial and then he goes over calling what we do not know is there is no speaker

So we never heard this woman's voice like this is only a game of telephone

I think she should have put it on speaker phone. Yeah, it's because she wasn't there

Is there were fake in the call? Yeah, I think so too

Yeah

This is y'all this is incredibly fake or there was someone else on the call and Corinth was just saying something

Yeah, again, I do believe

This or some version of this happened for sure, but I believe this is a recreation that happened about three months later

Something like that. Yeah, because it wasn't filmed. Yeah, agreed agree

And

So they basically said window the last time they had sex last month have you talked yes to detail you he was single

Yes, it's almost like

uh

Like a Ouija board

Yes, yes, yes, and then inclusive

Or they're asking a magic a ball

yes

so again

And so then she says then then Corinth said she's to the phone. I'm sorry. I know you went out friend

And so ant spring says well, do you still believe him and now Aviva says

Well, I guess she has no reason to lie and then there was a text that says we have an upcoming trip in San Pedro

and next month and they're like and when is that exactly when Aviva right after she leaves

and

so

and but and this will come later

We don't see any text messages. There's not a no from him to her

Um, and then then Aviva delivers this kind of in the moment at the end

She's like what sounds like they have a casual relationship

But if they were hooking up when we were dating that would be devastating

devastating

Janice Muppet I blank

Blank blank

So then they go cement they meet dad Dwayne Dwayne the the artist and

So if he was like I'm nervous. I want to meet his dad, but

So much happened today and but she says at least she admits it

I'm bringing ant spring to be

She can play bad cop. Yeah, and

She comes jumps right in they all kind of gather around this bar and ant spring is like so there's a lot to talk about

Can I just say if she was really meeting your father for the first time

You would never bring your ponytail to ant

Into chair shitty things

About someone you want to get engaged to this would never happen in reality. No. No

So that's why this is this this is one of the faked storylines we've ever had. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

And like I believe some kind of version of this happened

But the recreation is almost laughable. It's because she's a bad actor

Because of deepest bad you know sticks not even that good ant spring is selling

She's selling thing give her the give her the Emmy

So anyway

She says sorry you have to be for this Dwayne, but I want to explain and excuse me. Here's your panty ribbons. I enjoyed that too

Too panty ribbons too panty ribbons

Oh

What's in a panty ripper? I've had one before. I'm a look

They're boy you got a lot stuff in your hands

juggling

so

And she says you said to your guys hooked up before

Are you seeing her in San Pedro in a month and then the father goes son

Is any of this true

He's like no dad. I've never done anything like this

And he's like I do have to question him when it comes to my son's dating life. It's always drama

He is always talking to a bunch of girls

And so they show him the texts. Oh here it is

Oh the rum drink you wouldn't like this. Yeah, it's probably sweet

Well, actually depends on what type they use, but it's um

It's just coconut rum usually a lot of rum and pineapple juice

But that's it. It's the standard ratio is about like two ounces of run. No, six ounces of pineapple juice. I had one in believes

They're actually good. I think if you have it with actual pineapple juice. It's probably very good

All the drinks I had in Belize were kind of on the sweet side like the rum punch

Um, but all of them were very good and very strong. I like rum. I will drink rum when I'm in the Caribbean

But get it that's where you do it. That's where you do it

Yeah, but yeah, because juice is usually fresh. What I mean, that's how you

Love learn to love vodka's because those three years that you were in Russia. Yeah, we don't talk about that. I'm sorry. No

Yeah, I'm no longer I'm no longer an asset. Okay. All right

We did a whole ad where I was what was it? It was like I was trying to do a new app

for

Right. It was it was for something for something and it was called what was it called

Something Kremlin or something like that and it's like I learned to speak Russian

How do these ads get by? I don't know

So so anyway, uh, they're talking about

uh

Just about like how the the dad is saying um and spring

She says I'm not sure he's lying, but the girl

In the photo couldn't provide solid evidence. So maybe she's just trying to cause drama and stick says, you know, I I'll give you my location

That'll never happen. I'm saying this right now. I thought he said you have my location. No, he said I'll give you

I'll give you there is no

were there is no

Like way on earth

Stig is giving up. You know, but the dad really nailed it. It's true. Show the proof see the text. Yeah

Because we need and my

I'm afraid that this isn't going to get resolved

No, I'm in the tell-all in fact

We're not going to meet this other person. I doubt we're going to see the text and it's going to

It's going to go out like a wet fart. Yeah

Like a wet fart

And to stick says well the drama's done and is a clean slate now

But then he says a few months ago when she was

Thinking about being exclusive. I took some steps and some changes, but I wasn't a hundred percent. I was still quote

entertaining people entertaining. I wasn't sleeping with them, but I was texting hanging out

But I'm done with all that now. I'm done. I just hope she doesn't find out

I

Dramatic irony here. Check hopes gone. Yep

And that's the show that is the episode y'all

We will talk about first in China Rick and Trisha and the

Wonderful Elise one Joshua. Oh, thank god. She's here in the next episode that airs tomorrow

If you're again, if you're watching us, hopefully the video worked hello on YouTube that don't forget

Both part one and part two come out on YouTube stay, but for everyone sweating through my shirt

But it's hot near, but everybody on the $15 tier you all y'all already got this on Sunday night

Thank you again for all your support with amy sissy's really I was moved. Well, I was moved to yes

Please leave me moved and then later on you were moved a lot

leader review on apple pie all of my insides all of your insights apple podcaster Spotify

Leave a review on those we appreciate it very much and

Follow us on all of our social media including a blue sky tick-tock Instagram

Uh, and we did learn last night

Oh, because it was so industry woman said what is your linked in I went

Okay, look can we get that off? I guess we need

Uh, we all need business cards. No, we just say our podcast. We uh, they do they do it all electronic knowing now. Okay, she won

I don't what don't we have a reality gazing

Uh, that's what I'm talking about

We need a reality gaze business card. Yeah, that's now I'll get you with it

But it's all nobody has business. It's electronic. You like put a card up. I am aware, but we didn't get a real

We need an electronic that's what I said. I'll get you one. Okay. Yeah, there you go

All right, everybody that is the show we

Again, thank you so much. We all the sons coming out in New York. Thank fuck

It's been out for hours

We call these people lonely heart shawl because aren't we all just lonely hearts looking for love and all the wrong places poodle?

Yes, and if you have ever been a

Hold on

It's almost over

Okay

Okay, okay

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