Across The Universe| Meta Mystics Series - Week 3 - Caretaking vs. Compassion: Releasing the Burden of Being the Strong One

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Hello, everyone.

It's Cassandra with across the universe.

Today we are going to be going into week three of always being the strong one.

And what we're going to be talking about today is caretaking versus compassion.

So what we're doing is we're seeing what is the difference between caretaking and compassion.

In the first two weeks, what we talked about was the hidden burdens of being the strong

one and the ego voice that can keep us quietly small.

And this week, what we're doing is we're exploring something that often develops in

people who have been the strong one for a long time.

And that's the difference between caretaking and compassion.

At first glance, caretaking and compassion, they can look very similar.

Both involve helping people, both involve empathy, both involve wanting, someone else

to feel better.

And energetically and emotionally, they're actually very different experiences.

So many people who have spent years being the strong one, they discover that they have

slipped into that role of caretaking and they discover it without even realizing it.

The interesting thing about caretaking is it often comes from a place of kindness.

It comes from wanting to support others and to help them through difficult moments.

Now if you listen to what I'm saying, it's all about helping this person, helping this

person, helping this person.

But what we're not hearing is how do you help yourself first?

So over time caretaking is a pattern.

And you start caring responsibilities that were never truly yours.

So you start putting all of this on your shoulders.

Whatever is going on with that person's life, you're taking it on.

It's not yours.

There's a difference between helping someone and taking their burden for them because you

feel that either one they can't help themselves or you feel like you are the one that is called

to be that savior.

So what caretaking is, it means taking responsibility for another person's emotion or path.

Listen to that again, taking responsibility for another person's emotions or path.

We're taking it begins in situations where someone is naturally empathic.

So as being, you know, intuitives, and we have that part of us, that empathic part of

us feels we take on.

Some of you know, if you're really intuitive, being in crowded rooms, it bothers you because

you feel everyone else's energy and you're emotionally aware of all of that.

You notice when someone's struggling, you feel it, you know it.

You feel other people's emotions very easily.

Does that sound like you?

Okay.

So what happens is your instinct is to help.

But over time that helping can slowly turn into something heavier instead of simply offering

support, the caretaker begins to try to fix and they try to fix the situations, the feelings,

whatever it is, but they try to fix what belongs to someone else.

And I'm here to tell you right now, that's not your job.

So you try to solve other people's problems.

You try to manage their emotions, you know, make it all better for them.

You try to protect them from their own consequences.

And it happens, but it happens unconsciously.

So you're not going in, they're going to, I'm going to take, take everyone's emotions

or I'm going to fix this because they don't know how to do it.

It's an unconscious thing.

This is that part of you that slipped into that caretaker very easily.

So many caretakers learned very early in life that being helpful, responsible or emotionally

supportive was valued.

So you feel good.

It's like I'm doing something, I'm helping someone, I feel good.

So that's where you naturally step into that role again and again.

But eventually what you do is you notice that you feel very drained.

You feel overwhelmed, you feel responsible for things you can't control.

And that draining part is where you're giving your energy, your emotional energy out to something

that is not your responsibility.

And when you feel like that, you're doing this yourself.

So that does not mean that you have, you know, the psychic vampires who come in and try

to suck that energy out of you, you're doing this yourself because you feel people need

what it is that you have, therefore, you know, you're always the strong one.

Compassion, however, it supports others, but you're not carrying their burden.

We can be compassionate, we can, you know, empathize with people, we can let them vent,

we can show them, you know, different alternatives if they ask, but we're not carrying their burdens.

So it's, it's a much lighter energetically than caretaking caretaking is burdensome.

It's like, oh, you hate to hear the phone ring because it's, you know, this person that

has a crisis or has thrown themselves in a drama and they don't know how to get out

of it.

And it's your job to fix it.

You know, that's when you know that what you're doing is not so much helping them or helping

you because they can't grow and you have to be the strong one.

So compassion, someone wants to call, someone wants to vent, not a problem.

It means you're listening, you're giving them a shoulder to cry on maybe, whatever it

is that you're doing, you're letting them know that you care about their experience,

but you are recognizing that their life path belongs to them.

See the difference?

When we're compassionate, what we do is we listen, we support, we can offer insight,

we can offer encouragement, but we don't take ownership of their situation.

That means we don't say, oh, give me all your burdens.

No, because they're an adult, they can figure it out themselves.

They're offering to help, may want more, can you do?

So compassion, it respects the other person's autonomy, caretaking forgets that autonomy.

So you're saying, I'm here to help, I'm here to listen, I'm here to offer any kind

of advice or direction or encouragement that I can give you, and then you go on and do

what you need to do, caretaking, you go here to give me all your burdens because, you know,

I'm sorry you're hurting, let me take this because I'm stronger than you, and you are.

You're the one who's taken the burdens, you're the one who's been the strong one,

all along. So this isn't anything new to you, but what the problem is, is you're getting tired

of being tired. And you have your life, you have your circumstances, you have everything

that you need to do to navigate through life, plus you have this other person's.

So that tells me you are not putting yourself first, you're trying to help this other person

before you help yourself. So the distinction is very important because compassion allows

relationships to stay balanced. And caretaking, it creates that imbalance, you know, you're the one

doing everything, they're the ones that don't have to deal with life, they don't have to worry

about where money's coming from or, you know, food's coming from support, but you're taking it on

that this is your job. And the other person, whether they know it or they don't, is benefiting

from your strength. So many strong people, they discover, again, that they unintentionally stepped

into caretaking roles. And a lot of it starts, of course, with family members, friends, partners,

you just step into that role. It's natural. From when you were growing up, hey, this makes me

feel good. Help other people always help them. Well, helping does not mean taking over their

emotions or their path. It means helping them to get to the next step with a little help from

you. And then they know what to do. Being capable, it means that people are going to

rely very heavily on you. They're going to look at you going, oh, so and so can do it.

I, you know, I'm here, I'm falling apart. I don't know what to do. I don't know where the next

money is coming from. I don't know how to maneuver this or that. So, so and so, they know how to

do this. So I'm going to go to them. Well, you know, like a, a moth to a light. They see that,

they see that hope. But instead of seeing the hope in themselves and how they can do something,

they see it all in you. And then you, being the caretaker, being the strong one, say, yeah,

come on in. You know, I am overwhelmed. I'm burdened right now. But, you know, I can take something

else. And you have grown accustomed to helping people. So people who are emotionally strong

or intuitive, they become those caretakers because others sense their strength. So if there's

one good thing that can come out of this talk is you don't realize how strong you really are.

And that, again, people see that strength. We're not talking physically. We're talking emotionally.

You're very strong emotionally. You can have answers for them. You can figure things out. They

may look at you and say, look at, you know, you have everything together. So I want you to make

it all better for me. And you being the strong one, you being the intuitive one. So you can say,

yeah, this is what I'm feeling for you. You know, being a professional psychic, people come to me

and they want me to tell them, you know, everything's going to be okay. Or I did this now. I need you to

help me with, you know, the next consequences. Well, I will help them by giving them choices.

Not by saying, don't worry. I feel that everything's going to turn out okay. I'm going to say, okay,

you did this. Now, this is what's going to happen. If you do this, if you change, this is what's

going to happen. So I hand it back to them. And when I do that, that is in a compassionate way,

because I know that that person, being given a little direction, will be able to do this themselves.

Now, when there are people that say, no, I don't want to do it by myself. That's why I'm paying you.

I can't really help them because I'm not taking on that burden. I'm not taking on whatever they

got into. I'm here to bring clarity to the situation and let you know what you can do or not do

about it. So do you see the difference? And when I'm doing that, I'm not caretaking. You know,

caretaking, because you're emotionally strong, it also involves you, maybe you find yourself

making someone calm during their crisis. You know, if you do that, then people naturally turn to you.

But you're not giving them the tools to help themselves. So here's a tool. These are things that you

could do when you start to feel like you're in crisis or you feel like everything's spinning out of

the control. You can do X, Y, and Z. So instead of relying on me, I'm giving them tools.

If someone listens, this is another thing, and they listen well, and they offer thoughtful insights,

then others feel very safe in sharing their struggles. So over time, that person can become the

emotional center of many relationships. While you may feel that's a meaningful thing at first,

it just becomes very overwhelming. And remember, I am talking to you from the voice of experience.

Remember, you know, I said, I'm a recovering caretaker. I mean, that's what I did.

So I know how this feels, and I know that you who are listening to this, you're listening to it

because you feel the same way. Now, how can I get out of it? So that's why I'm bringing you

these sessions. Responsibility for another person's life's journey is something that really no one

can truly carry. Remember that. You can't carry their journey. Only they can. You could show them

the path. You can give them ways and means to do this, but you can't carry it.

So recognizing that, that means that you are not selfish. You ever heard stop being so selfish?

You just think about yourself. Sometimes it's a good thing because it helps you to step forward

into healthier relationships. I remember one time I had my own psychic, and I went to her,

and she told me something one day that I never forgot. And she said, look,

I'm giving you permission to be a narcissist. And I looked at her and I said, what do you mean?

She goes, I want everything to be about you. So that's what I'm saying to you. I'm giving you

permission. Be a narcissist. If you want that last piece of pie, you take it. It's all about me.

So when you are taking care of yourselves, then you can take care of others by direction,

or simply by people following what you're doing. So example, direction or example. Either way is

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Sending Settle Signals. What I'm meaning about this is they may feel tired after certain

conversations. That means you're giving your energy or these people are trying to take your energy.

They may realize that you're constantly thinking about how to help someone else solve their problems.

Constantly thinking about it. It's like I could do this. I could do this. Why? Why are you doing that?

You can wait for that time when you are talking with this person and you could say,

look, I came up with a couple of ideas. What do you think about it? Let's see if this is going to

help you. But you don't sit there and dwell on it 24-7. You don't lie awake at night thinking about

someone else's problems. If you find yourself doing this, then you're in that role of caretaker

because you're strong. And I want to emphasize that you are not a weak person. You are very

strong. But let's turn that strength toward us. So when you get these signals, the signals aren't

telling you to stop caring. What they're telling you is you need to restore your balance.

Intuition is very good at pointing out where our energy is being overextended.

So when we're feeling tired, we're physically tired, emotionally drained. The mind when it's

drained, the body feels tired. And the only thing that you have time for is other people's

issues. So take a hint from your body. Take a hint from your emotional being that caretaking,

you're getting into that role or you're feeling it now and you want to get out of it.

So when you're listening to the signals, then what happens is you start redefining your role

in certain relationships because you can look at it and you go, you know, this isn't good for me.

So you can care without caring everything. So remember that, write it down. You can care

without caring everything. The beautiful thing about recognizing these caretaking patterns

is that it allows us to turn back to compassion. Compassion doesn't mean withdrawing from people

or becoming indifferent. It simply means remembering that every individual

has their own path, their own lessons and their own growth process. So once you recognize,

what's I'm going to caretaker because I'm the strong one, I don't want to be the caretaker anymore,

but I have compassion for this person. Well, what do you mean you're not there 24-7 when I call you?

I'm not there. I'm taking care of myself. I'm sleeping. I turn my phone off at night.

You know, I went to the movies. I turn my phone off. I'm not available.

That's taking care of yourself and that's where you are letting the person that you're caretaking

know that you are setting boundaries because you haven't set those healthy boundaries.

So you can care deeply about someone and offer support, but you don't have to solve every problem.

You don't have to carry every emotional burden. Doesn't that just give you a sense of

relief right there? You don't have to do these things. So when people shift from that care

taking into compassion, they often notice something very surprising. Their relationships become

healthier. The people around them begin taking more responsibility for their own lives.

And the strong person finally experiences something they have not felt in a long time and that's

emotional freedom. Now, keep in mind that when you stop caretaking and you become compassionate,

yes, the people around you will start to begin taking responsibility for their own lives,

but then there are some that will not. And that's just not acceptable to them. They feel that they

are not strong enough to do anything on their own. So what they will do is they will go find another

caretaker. So it's okay. Those people, if you start to feel guilty, those people will find another

caretaker. It's all good, okay? Being compassionate is one of the, like most beautiful things

or qualities, let's put it that way, a person can have, okay? Most beautiful quality you can have,

but compassion should never require abandoning yourself. True compassion

includes caring for your own well-being as well. When we learn the difference between caretaking

and compassion, we begin creating relationships that are supportive without being draining or

exhausting. And that balance allows strength to become something empowering rather than something

that we have to constantly carry. So if today's conversation resonates with you, I invite you

to continue exploring these topics with me here on Metamistics. Each week we're looking more deeply

at the experiences that many people go through, but they really talk about openly. If you've ever

felt like the strong one in your relationships, you're not alone. And sometimes simply recognizing

these patterns can open the door to a completely different way of living. Thank you for being here

and for being part of this exploration. Stay tuned for session four.

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