Armchair Anonymous: Wild Card XII

0:00Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dan Rather and I'm joined by Monica Padman. Hi. Today is Wild Card 12. 12? I cannot believe we've had 12 wild cards. We love a wild card. We do because you don't know what you're going to get. Are you going to get sepsis? Uh-oh. Someone might. Uh-oh. It's wild. Yeah. This is wild as promised, as advertised. Please enjoy Wild Card 12. We are supported by Quints. Your wardrobe should make getting dressed effortless, but building a thoughtful wardrobe can feel impossible, especially when quality outfits cost an arm and a leg. That's the beauty of Quints. They're everyday essentials mixed well from season to season and last. I've been building my collection with their pieces and it's transformed how I get dressed everyday. Clothing that's rated between 4.5 and 5 stars by thousands of people, polos, sweaters,

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3:12Hello, I see you're in your closet. I am. My closet is tiny. I live in a Cape Cod house, so it's quite small. How long have you lived there? I have been here for about five years, you and who? My husband. How long have you been married? About three years. He and his parents actually renovated this whole house and then the last nail was hammered in and I met him that next month. Oh, what timing. That's perfect. Yeah. It worked out great for me. And then you lived there and sin for a couple years and then you tied the knot. Yeah. It's the Lord intended. Okay. Great. What fake name are you going to use? I told my friend I would use her name, so I'm going to be Brooke today. Okay. Great. I like the name Brooke. I makes me think of Brooke Shields immediately. Solid. Okay. So this is wild card. Also, Monica may enter. She's late, but don't get disrupted if you see a small mouse cross frame and then join. I haven't had any small mice in my house before, so it'll be a first for me.

4:14Okay. Great. Brooke, please set up your story. This story takes place in 2012. I was about to graduate from college. It was actually two nights before my college graduation. So it was a Friday night. I was supposed to graduate on Sunday and I went to a party that was hosted by the college. Really through a little graduation chindig for graduating seniors. Can I ask what your major was? I want to stereotype you a little bit. Do you want to guess? Lean into the stereotype in. Okay. I'm going art history. Okay. I love it. It was not art history, but I appreciate it. What was it? So that actually is a little bit of the story. So I'm going to reserve that information, but my undergraduate program was just a small liberal arts college. They can host a party for the entire graduating class. That's how small we are. Oh, wow. We went into that. And then after that was finished, we went back to another friend's dorm room in an area of campus that we typically did not hang out because it was where the first and second

5:16years actually lived. My friend that lived there had left first semester and come back and that was the only place that they had housing available. So the party kind of continues there. At around midnight, we go outside to the smoking gazebo. The campus had these wooden gazebo in all of the different housing areas that were particular distance from the doors to encourage people to smoke their cigarettes, the correct distance away. And now, 2012, what percentage of the students are banging darts? I felt like a lot, but maybe it was just my friends. Okay. So we go to the smoking gazebo and when we enter the gazebo, we realize that all of the freshmen, they're all given a campus book to read as they enter their freshman year. And they all had taken that book and hung it in the rafters of this gazebo. So there are probably like 12 to 15 books that were stuck in the rafters of this wooden gazebo. And they all kind of hanging with their pages, failing out around us. How drunk are you out of 10 at this point? I feel like in hindsight, I probably was drunker than I thought I was. Sure, sure. But I would say like a solid five or six. I would not consider out of control. I've had way drunker nights, but that combined with the feeling of like we're done with our

6:20undergrad, do it. We're celebrating. Nature's cocaine. Exactly. It really got into our system. And we decide that we are going to light these books on fire. Okay. Great. And whose idea specifically? I mean, who can say? Okay. Okay. We all stand up on the benches and gazebo flames to the pages. I'm sure you've burnt paper in your life. So you know, there's a quick ignition of the pages and then burns out super quickly. And it's mostly just like the littering down of the book pages. Ash all over you. Exactly. We're getting covered in ash. But man, felt good. Yeah. Exciting. We're in the gazebo. I am still standing on the wooden bench with my lighter up to the book pages. And I hear someone behind me say, what are you doing? And so I turn around and the person behind me is backlit by like the industrial lighting of the dorm building. So it's just an outline of a person. And with my lighter still up, I say, I'm lighting these books on fire. Yeah. Obviously, like, what a stupid question. So the person responds, man, put the lighter down and step out of the gazebo. Oh, that sounds like a law enforcement.

7:21It is a law enforcement officer. And this is where I learned three very important things at the same time that we were lighting these books on fire. There was a freshman across the quad that was lighting fireworks off. And so campus police came down to handle that. And they stumbled upon this scene instead. I also learned that there has been for the last several months in this dorm building where I spend no time a serial arsonist goodness, OK, wow, that they have been trying to capture. And I learned later that this serial arsonist has been lighting trash cans on fire inside of the building, has been lighting rolls a toilet paper on fire and rolling them down hallways. So there's a serial arsonist at large. And this campus police officer thinks that he has captured that arsonist and that that arsonist is me. And with the benefit of hindsight, I mean, it looks like I have put kindling inside of this wooden structure. No, you want to talk about pun intended caught red handed? I mean, my goodness, of course you're the arsonist.

8:21And I admitted it freely. I have put books in this because he, though, I'm lighting in a circle. All of my friends at this point have ran. So it looks like it is just me because I had my back to him as he arrived. And so he puts me in cuffs. I ended up in the back of the car. My friends have all run and my adrenaline is kicking in. And I'm realizing that not only do I have nothing on me, but I don't know any phone numbers of anyone that can help me in this area, my entire family. Every number I know is eight hours away. And now we're quickly approaching 2 a.m. the night before I'm supposed to graduate from college. Oh, my goodness. I tell the cop what's going on. And he agrees to go get my phone out of my friend's dorm room. And so he brings my phone to me. We get down to the police station. I'm booked. They tell me at this point that I was booked with a misdemeanor charge of disorderly conduct and that my bail was $50. Oh, it's just the booking fee apparently that they were charging me. So call my friend and tell him and he says, no problem, I'll be down there within the hour. So they get me in a holding cell.

9:22Someone comes back in and says that they have spoken with whatever representative, whether it was the school or the fire department, I'm unsure. But they have changed the charge. They have upped it to destruction of property over 250 and arson, both of which are felony charges. Oh, no, no, no. Well, this is just a horse of a different color. And there's no way I can afford this bail. And they tell me bail is $250. Still reasonable. Not terrible. So I say, well, my friends bring in 50. Can I call him back? And so they bring me my phone again, which I also did not think you could use your own phone. But I call my friend again, and I tell him what's happened. And I say, I have an arrangement in the morning. I can just say the night here, it is fine. $250 is a lot. I cannot pay you back immediately. And he just pauses and says, well, is it scary? Sure, sure, sure. Are you enjoying yourself? I wouldn't recommend it, but it's not prison. And so he ends up coming down. He does come bail me out. At this point, I need to be in an arrangement in four hours at an undisclosed city in New England.

10:23And my family is preparing to get in their car. Another undisclosed city eight hours away. And drive to me for my college graduation. My grandmother has flown in from the Southwest. I am her first grandchild to graduate from college. My best friend is riding up with my family for this. I plan to just handle it, get through the weekend, not ruin graduation, and then tell them later, and I go in for the arrangement. And I quickly realize I'm not going to be able to handle this easily. Because the judge asked me if I want a court appointed attorney or a private attorney. And I just blank and I say, well, can I let you know? I have no idea what to do. It's quickly becoming obvious that I am not equipped for this situation. It's more serious than you're thinking at this point. Yes, it's quickly becoming very obvious that it's more than it seemed like at 2 a.m. And so I leave the court house and I realize I need to call someone. But I don't know anyone that's pre-law. I don't know any lawyers.

11:25So I think who's the smartest person I know that could like maybe help? So I call my cousin who's in med school, which does not translate to the situation. But he does tell me exactly what I need to hear, which is, why did you call me? You need to call your dad. So I called my dad and told him what had happened. And I have never heard him laugh harder in my entire life. You weren't a troublemaker. I'm assuming this is not like the 80th call he's received. The first one. Yeah, okay, great. You earned a laughing. I don't really know if he was laughing because he didn't believe me because it was just so absurd and out of character. Did you know already that they were trying to link you to this serial arsonist? Was that known to you at this time or did that come out later? I had a little bit of an idea about it because the arresting officer made a mention of it. So when you told your dad you were able to say, hey, they think I'm this arsonist, but this was a one off. I was just lighting some books on fire. Yeah, I was just a comedy of errors. The simulation was not in my favor that day. Yes, sometimes it doesn't go our way. It's a bad sense. Yeah, I mean, it was definitely in the wrong on that.

12:27But I had a little bit of an inkling because the arresting officer made a comment about it. So he kind of clued me in that there was a series of arsons that had been happening. And my response to that was, I have put out more fires on this campus than I have started. Which is true. This is a wild college. It's tiny, but it's wild. Yeah, a lot of pyros. I'm only one of many and not even the biggest one. Yeah, yeah. So they've included in there on their way to me. I get back to campus. I'm in the dean of student's office where I then get filled in completely on the arson situation. And I have completely convinced the dean of students that I am not this arsonist. It is just a different, unconnected arson. The flames weren't even sending the gazebo. Like there was no marking anywhere. My dad went back the next day to take pictures. But she'd suspends me for a semester. And she withholds my diploma. And she doesn't want to let me walk at graduation the next day. Because she wants to send a message that they don't take kindly to arson, which I cannot fault her for that message. But I'm also dealing with two felony charges.

13:28On top of now, this academic suspension and potential to not walk. So I beg her, like my grandmother just flew in from the Southwest. She is actively driving to me right now. She hasn't seen any grandchildren graduate yet. Like give me an empty piece of paper. I do not care. But please let me graduate. And she agrees to that. She still suspends me the diploma is still with health, but she lets me walk. But my family thought it was the funniest thing ever. My grandmother the entire weekend was like moving channels away from me at restaurants. Yeah, this is the product of being a really good girl your whole life. This is everyone can have a good sense of humor about it. They're probably happy you got into trouble a little bit. Well, this is their favorite story to tell. I actually was a little bit nervous about telling it. Just because I never am the one that tells it. They are telling it about me just as an update for the charges. They actually ended up dropping the arson charge altogether. They changed the destruction of property charge to under 250, which is a misdemeanor. I had to go to court appointed therapy. They had actually recommended fire starters anonymous, but that is typically for children. Oh, is it really? That's their thing. Yeah, not a great fit for what happened with me.

14:31Typically, if you are going to that program, you've been starting fires for quite a long time. But the therapist also thought this was very funny. She laughed at me when I told her the whole story. However, I will say it gave me a very new perspective on how quickly something that felt very stupid or silly could derail your entire life. A lot of gratitude for the fact that it did turn out so well for me, because it could have been very different for someone else in a different situation, or even me, if someone had had a different opinion. We interviewed a kid that like I want to say that he opened up a fire hydrant to be funny, and it washed out an entire neighborhood above his house through a new talk. I remember that. Yeah. I was kind of innocent. No, oh my God. Look at it. Millions of dollars of damage. Oh, fuck. Did you have to get a lawyer to plead all that out? Did you end up getting a public appointed attorney? So the judge, when I said, can I let you know when he asked if I wanted a court appointed attorney or a private attorney, just gave me a court appointed attorney and was like, you can deal with it if you don't want him to fire him later. And my dad did eight hours of research in the car on the way to me and was like, this

15:31guy's actually good. He's doing pro bono work. We're going to stick with him. He was great. So after six months of no issues with the law, it was exposed for my record. So in terms of like the law, everything is copacetic, but that is not where the story ends. Okay. So five years later, my friend, she was at the time a manager of a restaurant. They hired a new employee who had gone to my college after my tenure. And so she said, of course, oh, my best friend went there. She got arrested for burning a gazebo down, which is an exaggeration. But yeah, yeah. Exactly. That new employee said, oh, they actually replaced all those gazebos with metal gazebos. Oh, because this was calling to the students to burn it down. They couldn't have around two. They were like, we never copy our sickness. So we need to make sure this can't get burnt down. But then several years after that, I applied to grad school. And in that application process, they ask if you've been suspended or had like an academic blip on your radar. And so I had to click yes. And I attached a document explaining basically what I sent to Emma when I submitted to arm

16:32tearing on him. It's like, this is what happened. And I actually got a call from the admissions counselor a couple weeks later. And he's like, I'm looking at this application here. And I see that you submitted that you were suspended from school. But I'm not seeing anywhere on your transcript that that's reflected. And I said, was it the end? So it's not super obvious. There's no gap. It's the last thing that happened. I said, did you read the attached document? And he said, oh, no, I didn't even see that. Let me go look at it now. Oh, oh, oh, oh. So he opens it. Well, I'm on the phone with him. And I get the privilege of listening to him live react to the explanation of my arrest for burning books while he reads my application for a master's in library science library science. Oh, that's him. That's him. And so add him to the long list of people that was laughing. And then so did you get your master's in library science? Yes. I've been a U-Service's librarian for about five years. We've never interviewed a librarian. No. You should add a librarian armed to anonymous prompt. We've got some crazy stories because people use them as like a public resting house.

17:37Yeah. You see some wild stuff. They call us the America's living room. Like we're the last free place you can be without the expectation of buying something. Yeah. Like the Elizabeth smart thing. That was at the library. You get a lot of heartwarming stories there too. Sure. That's a great idea. Have you ever caught any lovers? We had a bench at a library I used to work at that we called the make out bench because it was like just around a corner. Yeah. So we'd have to just break up like a bunch of teens. Okay. Some heavy petting. But nothing too extreme. That's an episode of friends. All these people were making out in front of Ross's book. Oh. That's sweet. But he didn't like it. He wanted people to see the book. Oh. Okay. Well, they covered everything in that show. They were really good. I've really come to realize. They were really good. Okay. Well, Brooke. It's so nice meeting you. And then it's such a sweet story. As far as people getting arrested and almost not graduating, it's about as sweet as it can come. I mean, it would not have been as sweet if my family was not as fantastic as they are. My grandma's at the tone. She was just like, this is going to be funny. Good for her. Well, it's so nice meeting you.

18:37Yeah. You guys too. Thanks so much. Okay. Take care. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Alright. One, two We're out everyone. All in one place. I will be consuming all of those things Monica. I know you will. For Friday to start watching practice one following in on a sprint weekend. Oh my gosh, two races. And this season brings a ton of new energy to the sport. Formula One. You can watch every race live only on Apple TV. Watch on Apple devices, Android devices, smart TVs, streaming devices, gaming consoles, or on the web at tv.apple.com.

19:40All part of one Apple TV subscription alongside hundreds of exclusive shows and movies. Watch the Formula One Japanese Grand Prix live on Sunday, March 29th at 1am Eastern, or watch race replays on demand anytime only on Apple TV, the new US home of F1. We are supported by Alexa Plus. Say hello to the all-new Alexa Plus, the smartest, most proactive AI assistant yet. Just chat naturally about anything and watch your to-do list disappear. Planning date night, one conversation handles everything, from dinner reservations to entertainment recommendations. Need last minute concert tickets, craving your favorite restaurant, just sit back, relax, and talk naturally. Alexa's on it. Alexa Plus learns your style, remembers what you love, anticipates what's next, and puts thousands of services at your fingertips. Whether you're managing your smart home, booking travel, or just getting through your day, Alexa Plus is right there with you. Experience AI that's all yours, ready whenever inspiration

20:41strikes. And now, Alexa Plus is free with Prime on your Amazon devices, like Echo and Fire TV. Learn more at amazon.com slash Alexa Plus. That's amazon.com slash Alexa Plus. This episode is brought to you by Walden University. So here's something I've been thinking about. There are people out there who want to make real change, not just talk about it, but actually do it. Maybe it's advancing in their career, maybe it's making a difference in their community, and they're working full-time, juggling life, wondering if going back to school is even possible. That's where Walden University comes in. For over 50 years, they've been helping working professionals get the W. The knowledge, the skills, the confidence to build the future they actually want. Here's what makes it work. Walden's tempo learning means you're in control. No rigid, weekly deadlines, no set schedules. You move through your degree at your own pace on your terms, and you're learning from faculty who've actually been there. Scholars and practitioners with real world experience, 94% of whom hold doctoral degrees. If you've been waiting for the right moment,

21:44this is it. Head to waldenu.edu and take that first step. Walden University set a course for change, certified to operate by chef. This episode is brought to you by Apple. There's nothing like your first Mac. When I got mine, I remember opening up and immediately feeling like, this just makes sense. Everything felt intuitive, and instead of fumbling around trying to figure it out, I could just get right into what I was doing, writing, creating, getting things done. It all felt easy in a way that really stuck with me. That's how I felt with my first Mac. How will you? Check out the all new MacBook Neo, an amazing Mac at a surprising price. Find out more on apple.com slash Mac. Hello, is this Lauren? Yeah, so nice to meet y'all. Yeah, nice to meet you. First of all, I just want to say we know there are photos coming, which is very exciting. We don't

22:45get to flip them over yet, but anytime there's photos, we're excited. And then are you in the south or just from the south? I'm actually from Dallas, Texas, but I am currently living in Greenville, South Carolina. Nice. Yeah, not far. And are you loving Greenvale, South Carolina? Why'd you move there for a lover? My husband is from here. Those South Carolina gentlemen, they can be real charming. They got a real molassesy accent. What is it called? Shivalrous. Does he have a dual man on the corner? He hasn't yet, but I mean, there's always time. Okay, great. So you've got a wild card story. I do. It doesn't take place in the south, unfortunately. It takes place in Washington, DC, which is where I was after college, where I'm with Postgrad. So back in 2021, I had just moved there. I was young. I was living my life on my own for the first time, which also plays into the story. I had just moved out there and I had a friend that was going to come visit me. We went out, we got dinner, and then you know, we went dancing, and it was great. And we stayed up late. It was really fun. So then the next morning, I woke up, and I'm like, Allison, I am not feeling well. So I had gotten a blister on the back of my foot

23:50a week earlier from tennis shoes, not even from heels. And I was like, my blister kind of feels weird. And she's like, that's so funny. I was like, okay, but I'm here to show you the DC experience. So we go do all the monuments. Do you put a bandaid over the blister? Do you or two pairs of socks? How are you addressing walking around with the blister? I had actually worn boots because it was also in November, which I had forgotten to mention. And my foot had actually swollen a little bit, and so it wouldn't fit into my boots. And so I had to go and change into my Birkenstocks back at home. That are open in the back. Yes. And so I walked around DC probably, I think it was a whole half marathon over 13 miles at that point. Not feeling great, but you know, it is what it is. Oh, no. Yeah. So we go to dinner that night. I'm really not feeling great. She's like, okay, we'll take you to an urgent care tomorrow morning, and we'll get you some antibiotics. I'm like, great. So the next morning we wake up, we go and the doctor sees me and he's like, you've got a little bit of an infection. Let's get you some early antibiotics. He looks at the heel.

24:51Yes. And at this point, it's like a little red. It's not too bad in his defense and everyone's defense. I want to make that very clear. What did it feel like? Did it feel different than just like when you have a normal blister and it hurts a lot? Did it feel like different? Yes. It felt different and it also felt hot. I want to treat my friend to a good time. So then we continue on with our touristy. We walking around. It's great time. I send her on her way Sunday afternoon next morning. I have to walk to work because I don't have a car in DC. Most people don't have cars. And walking to work, that was a tough one. It was pretty swollen. I had the mules where I could slide my foot into it, but also it's November. So I'm freezing. I get to work and I'm like, guys, look at this blister. It's crazy. And you're like, yeah, this looks really, really bad. You should probably go to the doctor. And I'm like, no, I've already been on Orlay and Biotics. It's fine. And this older co-worker of mine takes one look at it and she's like, if you don't go to the doctor right now, like I'm going to be really mad. I was like, but I don't want to pay to go to the emergency room because remember, I don't have a car and I was making no money.

25:52I didn't want to pay for a new one. And she's like, if you don't go right now, I'm going to call an ambulance and make you pay for the ambulance. I was like, well, I don't want to pay for an ambulance. So fun. She's really laying down the wall and looking back, I really am appreciative. So I go and I don't know if you guys have ever been to a emergency room, waiting room in Washington, DC. No, but we watched the pit. So I guess I have some sense of what it probably is like. So it's very similar to the chaos seeing every single type of injury. I saw stab wounds, I saw multiple unauthorized evacuations. Oh, wow. Keep in mind, I'm 22 from the south in DC. This is a lot for me. I'm thinking that this is not that big of a deal. I'm actually supposed to go on a first date the next day and I'm texting this guy like, hey, I'm in the ER right now, but like, this is not a big deal. And he's like, do you need me to come? And the problem was that I told the nurse that this was like a level two or three on the pain scale. That meant that the stab wounds were going to get seen before me, which to be fair, that makes sense. So I go on

26:5413 hours and they're still not seeing me. I got there probably two and like 3 a.m. comes around I'm still not getting seen by anyone. So I'm going to go home. This is crazy. At this point, the red has spread. The red has gone up my leg past my knee. Oh, my entire leg is quite inflamed at this point. I'm like, I think I need to go get some stronger antibiotics. I go back to the same urgent care guy and he's like, you need to go to a podiatrist. This is bad. So I overbacked the podiatrist. I've spent so much money on ubers at this point. I'm making no money. So this is really big deal for me. I go back to the podiatrist. She takes one look at my leg. She's like, if you don't go to the emergency room right now, you're going to lose this leg. Oh my god. Keep in mind, this is from a blister. Yeah. I'm like, this is crazy. I was just there's 13 hours and they didn't see me. And so she's saying, okay, I'll give them a call and make sure that they see you. But there's no if ands or vets. You've got to go to the emergency room. Luckily, it's a whole medical

27:54district in DC. So I just walk across the street, thank goodness, because I get there and they still don't see me. So it takes a couple of more hours. So I'm on hour five at this point. Oh, my god. My body starts to like shake. It is sepsis. It was exactly that. So shutting down, I go to the nurse and like, Hey, what'd it be possible for you to take my temperature? I think something's wrong. I might have a fever. And so she takes it. So it's 103. What's your pain skill right now? And I'm like, it might be at an eight or a nine. She's like, have you ever been at a 10? Like, no, I don't think so because nothing bad has ever happened in my life. I've never gotten about injury. This is why you're so optimistic about this whole thing. Exactly. She's like, so I think that this is your 10. I do believe that you have sepsis in your body is shutting down. So she's like, we're going to admit you right now because if we don't, something bad is going to happen. I find out later that bad thing is in fact death, like I would have died because it was in my bloodstream at that point. They put me on morphine. And this is when I really find out that

28:55it's bad because the morphine didn't stop my shaking. So you finally get me on IV antibiotics. And my body, funnily enough, is allergic to this. This is an episode of House. So I get this thing. It's called red man syndrome. I think they've removed it now because of, you know, it's bad. It's passed my knee. My leg is red. And my body's now matched that redness. And they're like, okay, so now we have to flush this antibiotic because obviously your body is having an allergic reaction to this, which they get really freaked out about because so much time has passed now, like the 13 hours, the five hours, the overnight, it's completely in my bloodstream. And so basically they get me back on a different antibiotic at this point. Apparently it was just in time where it didn't go into my bone. They were going to have to chip away my bone because they thought that it was in that. But luckily they've had it right. Sorry that. And so they finally at that point are like, okay, we'll admit you into the hospital. I'm like, we'll hear what's the hospital going to do for me. And they're like, well, we have to let the infection get through your bloodstream

29:59enough to where it can basically like, coagulate until like a little bowl to where they can target out. Yeah. This is so gnarly. Oh my god. This is where the pictures come in. So if you want to see the picture. I'm so scared. I'm so scared. I'm scared. We scared. Oh my god. So there's like a little progression. Oh my god. It looks like you have an eggplant hanging off the back of here. This is not a blizzard. I don't know how to describe this. Oh. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Do they lance it? It took five days in the hospital. Basically they just had to let the infection get through to that point. And then they just carved it out. Like they scooped it out. Then surgery only took 30 minutes. I called it my alien. Like it looked like a little alien on the back of my foot. Yeah. I wish that listeners could see the photos. It's foul. It's blue. It's red. Way worse than you're thinking in your head. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It looks like a really poisonous

31:04avocado hanging on the back. Wow. Any damage to your Achilles? Your Achilles is right there, right? No damage. Still positive. Still positive. No seriously. Like it really was the best case scenario. And so well, the other thing that I was going to say is that during that whole experience, I mean, I became really good friends with the nurses. I'm on this internal unit and I'm the happiest person there. Yes, I was close to that. I became friends with all the nurses. And I remember one of them said, Oh, are you missing anything? And I was like, well, you know, that date kind of tough, but you know, it's not like anything's ever going to come from it or maybe we'll just reschedule it. We did end up rescheduling it. And then we did end up a year later getting engaged. And this is the Southern gentleman from South Carolina. This is the Southern gentleman from South Carolina. Oh, I knew he was a good one when he offered to come to the hospital that first day and they hadn't even gone on a date yet. Did he come see you in the hospital now? No, and that was for the best. Yeah, he showed up and you had that thing hanging off your ankle and he's still stuck with you. I would say that's as bad as good of a sign as you're going to

32:06get. Wow. He did ask to see pictures later. And I was like, I don't know if that's good for our beginning of our relationship. I hope your visiting friend felt very guilty. Well, it's funny, I texted her that I was coming on this and I was like, hey, he's your name. She's like, no, people need to hear the story. This is like an ad for Neosporin. Yeah. Cautionary. It is cautionary. To clean these wounds. You do. I feel like it was directed at me in particular, which is like I do not take anything serious until it's really mean either. So this is my cautionary tale to you that sometimes things are as bad as people warn them. Yeah, Sometimes the worry warts are correct. That's right. Most of the time we are that person you work with save your life Yeah, she saved your life. I know a shout out Natalie. Well, that was a lot of his gruesome, and I loved it Yeah, yeah, it was so nice meeting you guys. Thank you for taking the time and shout out to my husband Will will what up? Good loud way to hang in there. Yes All right, thank you all so much. Bye-bye

33:10Hi, so what name do you want to go by? You can give me a name. I'm gonna go Sarah I like that sounds great. I know a lot of good Sarah's Sarah's a pretty solid name. I mean, there's got to be a science to it really Like the kind of name that appeals to parents are gonna be certain kinds of parents like if you name your son jagged You're a type we've already selected that's right, but Sarah's like I think you love Sarah smile Oh, you know, you like some soft rock. It's just classic. You can let the person Become the name. Yeah, Sarah Lauren Okay, Sarah, can you tell us where you're at? Yes, I'm in Pittsburgh Oh, we were just talking about the pit. Oh, yes, it's so good. I love it so high. Have you ever been in that hospital? I don't know if it's a fictional hospital, but I've been in that area of the city So I recognize a lot of the exterior shots. So it's pretty authentic and for the folks who've not visited Pittsburgh Some of the most beautiful bridges in the country. That's right And if you ever have a chance to come go to a baseball game It's one of the most beautiful stadiums. You get to look right over the river see all the bridges

34:13The ball gets hit far enough. It goes into the water. It's really beautiful. That's fun Okay, so you have a wild card story. This could be absolutely anything. This story took place Last year my husband and I got married just over a year ago Congratulations. This occurred about three months into our marriage when we were still like very much in that newly wed phase How long had you dated before you wed? Well, you're a year and a half Okay, pretty quick pretty accelerated. We're both a little bit older And so we just kind of knew it was a great fit and we were in love and let's do it When we got married I moved into his townhouse and his townhouse is three floors, you know kind of narrow and my husband is Wonderful guy. He's a special education teacher. He's very funny and sweet and patient And he's also kind of like a techie. He loves gadgets So if there's like a single-use kitchen item that he can purchase he will purchase it and you have more different Alexa's

35:19Through the house The Alexa's have an announcement feature. So I would use it for something like I'm in the kitchen He's on the top floor. I'd say, you know, hey Alexa making an announcement dinner is ready and then it would go ding ding dinner is ready And it works as like a PA system. Yes, so that's how I used the PA system My husband used it a very different way from the beginning of our marriage I work from home and if he came home and was ready for sexy times He would use the PA to make that known throughout the home. Okay. He'd make a proclamation Yeah, like flirting and so on this particular day I'm working from home. I hear the door closed and then I hear like the ding ding and He immediately is going into it and I would like to say that there were a range of announcements for maybe like 15 minutes Because you know he's coming in he's making a sandwich. He's taking his work clothes off

36:20You know all the stuff and I'm still in my office work. They were a range of More of like this dirty talk. I'm not good at dirty talk. Okay The deep voice of like I'm gonna stick this in this place I'm gonna touch you like this Very graphic. Where did it start? Give me one example of how started this is start like you know announcement Hi, baby. I'm home like where does it start? We texted through the day. This is a hot relationship. I'm You're good. Everyone's getting crime Yeah, yeah, so I'm in one of the first, you know, I'm gonna lick you from head to Oh Hot, but it was also kind of silly. He has silly ones because he's a very silly person where he'd be like ding ding and he like My wife has a beautiful ass and I'm so excited to squeeze it This message is brought to you by apple card apple card members can earn unlimited daily cash back on

37:25Everyday purchases wherever they shop. This means you could be earning daily cash on just about anything Like a slice of pizza from your local pizza place or a latte from the corner coffee shop apply for apple card In the wallet app to see your credit limit offer in minutes subject to credit approval apple card issued by Goldman Sachs bank USA Salt Lake City branch terms and more at applecard.com This episode is sponsored by better help so we're in March which means it's a moment to celebrate women And I want to take a second to acknowledge some incredible women in my life my family Of course and Monica obviously who I get to work with every day The women on our team the women in this industry who are constantly juggling a million things at once They carry so much their managing work relationships family dynamics and about a thousand invisible Responsibilities that nobody sees or acknowledges and here's what I've learned taking care of everyone else is exhausting Setting boundaries creating balance making space for yourself. That's not selfish That's necessary and therapy can be a really powerful tool for that

38:25It's a space to work through the pressures the expectations the roles we all play better help makes it easier to get started They match you with a license therapist based on your needs and if it's not the right fit You can switch anytime your emotional well-being matters find support and feel lighter in therapy Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com slash tax. That's better help.com slash tax We are supported by clarna. Here's something nobody tells you when you become an adult Pain for things gets weirdly complicated like nobody sent you down and explain how to actually manage cash flow And life doesn't line up perfectly with your paycheck If you've ever wanted more flexibility and how to pay without the stress or confusion of traditional credit This is worth knowing about clarna lets you pay now pay later or pay over time And the whole thing is built around transparency You see exactly what you owe and when no hidden fees no mystery math It's about flexibility that fits real life giving you options for how and when you pay without surprises

39:28It works across all kinds of purchases things like groceries travel tech and everything is managed in one place in the app So you're not juggling a bunch of different accounts and get this you can also unlock cashback and deals just by shopping through clarna Which is honestly a nice bonus when you're already buying something anyway The whole point is to give you options and keep you in control of your budget without the pressure Download the clarna app today or visit clarna.com to learn more. That's clarna K-L-A-R-N-A.com C-A resident loans made or arranged pursuant to a California finance law license NMLS number 135 3190 Clarna balance account required to be eligible for cashback points limitations terms and conditions apply You After 10 15 minutes of that dirty talk we eventually do the things that we've been discussing and then we're both sitting in the living room

40:30Like sitting on the couches and his phone Danes and it's a text from his cousin. Oh boy. Who says hey My parents just called and said that they heard your voice Throughout their home saying the most nasty thing No, there is no way that your wife would be okay with you doing this like what the hell is going on How on earth it turns out that my wonderful husband who is very kind Is also the techie of his family So when anybody and the family and older relative wanted their own Alexa They would call him and say hey, could you stop this up for me? So basically without being aware he had created a network of electors In his aunt and uncle's home and his parent

41:33His school classroom Oh Yes, what quite terrified oh This is life ending and career ending all at once. Yeah, well I don't understand still to this day is he had it made those types of announcements for like the three months So we had been married so why was it now that we were being actually told about this when it had clearly been playing everywhere Because they're old and confused. They don't know like what's going on and it finally got too extreme I made him go and Immediately disconnect. I was like I don't care if you're embarrassed You are going to go to their home right now. You're going to drive over there and you're going to disconnect their Alexa And then you're going to go around to every other relative Also had this happening and you are going to do this But like he was not embarrassed. Oh wow So this day like I asked him I was like I'm gonna be like I'm chair not a minute Like do you have anything you want to add because you can't be there and he was like I'm not embarrassed I was getting it and I was getting it with my wife

42:36Should for him I kind of agree My mother and my father here Maybe they weren't home maybe for three months. Yeah, they weren't home If I were you I would have just thought of the very worst thing that was said And then that would just play on a loop in my head and then I'd probably move to the second I'm like, oh my god, I'm gonna. They heard that were you caught in that loop? It was so bad that I knew if I wanted to stay a part of this family I was going to need to get over this very quickly and also try to control the narrative So like what I ended up doing was the first family gathering after this incident was like two days later I immediately I went up to like so many groups like did you hear what my husband did with the Alexa? Like did you hear about that? How crazy is that I just went face on okay? You owned it His family is really sweet like they're a wonderful Pittsburgh family They were great and they're like you know what we wish that we had this in our marriage

43:39Or like this is what we wish that we were doing That's good thing you guys That's like they were sweet and really understanding So only saving grace turned myself was that I never responded to him with any of those messages Like I never gave it back that way and so I felt like I at least didn't expose myself Yes, there is a glass half full here. That's a lot to be grateful for Were they implying that it wasn't you? Because they said you would never it was more like They never thought my husband would intentionally do these things But was he like just that little question, you know like does he know that this is being broadcast like was he fucking with us? And then luckily, I guess everyone was always out of the classroom when he was out of the classroom because that would be a real tough one Yeah, I'm so glad that like no janitor or you know Other after hours person overheard this so he also immediately had to disconnect them. Oh my god So we moved recently and none of the election made it during the move. I made sure of that

44:45Wow, that is funny. Yeah, that's a tall price to pay to have an intercom system Sure, I often think God, I wish we had an intercom system In fact, I just bought a cheap version of it. No one adopted to it. So now we just screen. We screen with the problem Yeah, the thing that got me is I asked him like how are you techie and didn't know that all of these were connected and he was like Well, you know, actually at one point I did know because I intentionally made sure they were connected and what he would do is he would make an announcement And like fart at the Alexa and then it would play the fart in all of his families. Oh Is name Rob Hollas are you made Rob doesn't fart. We learned Well, you might over the intercom that might be how he gets it out That tops for me the embarrassment level of what Aaron did on the zoom meeting and AA. So that's pretty mega Well, I'm glad I could share it with you at least talking here Thanks for chatting with me. Yeah, lovely meeting you and please think your husband because obviously without his Go get her attitude. I guess that's what we could call it. Yeah

45:48So I will let him know All right, take care. Bye-bye Hi, Michelle. Hi. Oh wonderful. We can hear you beautifully. Have you hung a sheet behind yourself? It's a large blanket and I feel like I look like I'm in like a hostage video I was just thinking if we wanted to change out your wardrobe and your background and be easy to do because we're almost at that green that we use You can tell what my favorite color is Greens a great favorite color geniuses. That's what they say. Do you know different shades of green? I mean, I only know a couple. Are you an aficionado? No, I do Kelly Sage Emerald forest see foam see foam good one British racing green. There's a lot and where are you Michelle? I'm currently in northeastern Pennsylvania, but I am From eastern North Carolina close to the water right on the intercoastal waterway. Oh no kidding Okay, so you have a wild card story. Please lay it out for us. The prompt I put on there was tell us a crazy

46:52ATV story my kind of story. I'll just give you a little bit of background I'm the youngest of five kids and the only girl Growing up with four older brothers was fun, but we kind of got into a little bit of craziness and probably did some stupid things Also, this took place where I grew up in eastern North Carolina. It was In 2005. I was 14 freshman in high school. It was a rainy Saturday and October. My Family was all kind of doing our own thing. My oldest brother Jeff was 21 at the time. He was away at college. My second oldest brother Doug was 19 He was upstairs asleep like well beyond noon Comes into the story a little bit later. My brother Greg he was 17 He was taking the SATs that morning and then my youngest brother Curtis is just a year older than me So he was 15 and him and his best friend Brett were just kind of hanging around the House and then my parents had actually just left to drive to Durham to go to a rolling stone's console

47:56Oh, this is brave of them and I got to ask because again in my experience This was the case did they get crazier and crazier and descending order your brothers No, actually I think we kind of go the opposite my oldest brother did the Dumbest shit. Okay He was a cautionary tale. Yeah, so when I told my family that I was doing this he said we probably have a lot of stories we could submit but in talking to my family Before doing this my dad said he recalls saying probably Mostly to my 15-year-old brother don't do anything that you wouldn't do if we were here So naturally not even an hour after my parents left Curtis and his friend Brett decided That it would be a good idea to take a boating tube and tie it to the back of the four-wheeler and pull each other around in the wet grass Okay, great idea. I stand by this plan. It's a good one the picture that I sent It's not a juicy picture, but it just kind of lays out the area in our backyard that we called the lower field Oh, god. You're right on the water. How beautiful

49:00Yeah, it's a big chunk of lawn. I mean, it's got to be a good acre of just flat grass right there Nice open area to pull each other around in the wet grass and They were out there doing that for a little while just taking turns pulling each other around and as I remember it My brother came inside and said this is so much fun. You got to come try it and talking to him He said that I came outside They were about to wrap things up and wanted a turn. Okay, so everyone's pointing the finger at one another My my right these things generally have a really predictable curve Which is like you do the initial idea and that's quite fun for a minute And then the dopamine dissipates and you start thinking how we're going to ramp this up a little bit Certainly putting you on back would be a ramp up of that Yeah, and him and his friend were a fair amount heavier than me So they probably weren't swinging around quite as much as I was but I got on and this part of the story I kind of had to get from Curtis from his point of view But pulled me up and down the field a couple times and then he was at the end of the field like near the water facing towards the

50:07House and he thought I'll just do one last fast go towards the house And I think I've heard you say before Dex that you never do one last laugh or one last ride No last run someone says last run pack it in right then it's already been jinxed He was straight facing towards the house The tube was kind of off to the right side and he accelerated pretty fast and I slung out to the left and we actually had a Boat and a boat trailer parked down in the yard there So he was looking back at me realize that the boat trailer was there and slammed on the brakes But I kept swinging out to the left and I didn't jump off I was on my stomach holding on to the tube and I just stayed on and I slung right into the front of the Boat trailer oh head first the whole left side of my body. Oh Oh, no No, he immediately jumps off the tube is popped. I'm unconscious

51:10He's yelling to Brett to go inside and call 911. Oh no. Well hold on We've learned a lot about your brother in this moment, which is he's a man of integrity Most young men at that point are gonna try to ride this out without getting in trouble We're gonna figure out like he's unconscious. Well, he's not quite there. He's already yelling like his instinct is to get help Which is incredible. I think for a 15-year-old boy. He thought he killed me. Yeah, okay Okay, he's non-responsive There was like a gurgling sound coming from my chest. Oh He said he did wait probably shouldn't have done and was shaking me to wake me up He said it felt like forever, but was probably like 10 seconds and I woke up crying Eventually helped me back up to the house and older brother 19-year-old is still upstairs asleep So they go wake him up. Just get an adult on the scene Not too long after Greg who had been taking the SATs walks into the kitchen to find me sitting in the chair freaking out

52:10Asking if I was gonna die. I don't want to die is my heart bleeding every time I breathed. I had this gurgling In my chest That was happening at some point somebody called my parents. I don't know which brother Did that but they were probably 45 minutes away Way went to hell in a hurry, right? Yeah Apparently Jesus Christ. I barely got out of the drive what you idiots My dad made a big U-turn and sped back pretty quickly to meet us at the hospital So the ambulance arrived. I don't remember a ton about the ambulance ride except for one very specific Process I went through about what to do with the gum. I had it my mouth. Oh, it stayed in there Somehow I didn't choke on my go. I was like storing it on the roof of my mouth I guess I had been chewing gum before the accident. Wow. I was laying in the ambulance and just thinking like I shouldn't keep chewing this And I definitely shouldn't swallow it because there's something like happening in there

53:11So I looked at the paramedic and just said Will you take my gum and stuck my tongue out? He kindly took the gum and threw it away for me and kind of chuckled at me Well, having interviewed quite a few paramedics at this point. That's like the nicest job They probably had all year. Yeah, they're lucky to do that eventually make it to the hospital My parents are able to meet us there went through the whole workup and My main injury was a hemonumotorax, which is essentially a collapse lung with blood and air in between the lung And the chest wall. Oh, I got a chest tube placed. Did you break any ribs? I didn't that was 14 I think I was still pretty like bendy So somehow I didn't break any ribs just the blunt force caused the lung to pop essentially Do they have to inflate it? Do they blow it back up? No, so the chest tube goes in in between your ribs and then It's attached to a negative pressure suction

54:12And so it takes the air and everything out of the plural space so the lung can re-inflate Uh-huh, and you're obviously a doctor or nurse Yeah, yeah Even the fact that you said work up as soon as you said work up. I'm like oh she works at a house Even when she said hemonumotorax. She said it too well. Yeah Nailed it. I'm an orthopedic surgery resident Oh, there we go. Is it because of this? Oh, meet cute kind of. No Hahaha Meek you with career That was my main injury and the only other thing I had was a cut to my arm. You got lucky. I wasn't a headverse I know or that you're headed Bang really hard and you got CTE You're very afraid of CTE Is there number one fear tied with my center water? That rat water bottle. I was at the gym yesterday and I saw one of the that girls in my class was looking inside of her metal water bottle as if she saw something. And I was like, oh my God,

55:12why wonder if there's something in there? I got a little concern for her. We've started a really irrational fear. I don't think it's irrational. It's a rational. It's an irrational fear. Wow, well that's scary. Did you have to spend the night or did they let you out pretty quick? I had the chest tube for like two and a half days and then they pulled it out. So I was in the hospital for like three days. Your poor parents. They didn't get to see this. And they missed the rolling stones. They did. Yeah. What was the punishment for your brother? He didn't get officially grounded. He did an enough punishment of himself. He was pretty traumatized by it. He told me that afterwards he got really bad exima from all the dress. That's sad. Quite often you get enough consequence. We don't need to pile on. Yeah. How'd all these brothers turn out? How'd the one do on the SAT? Do you do all right? Do you got into college? That's what you want. It's the goal. Are you either of your parents' doctors? My dad's an orthopedic surgeon. There we go. I kind of like to say, my fun fact is always

56:13that I've never broken a bone only in organ. Oh. So kind of ironic that now I fix broken bones. Yeah. Yes. My husband is actually a trauma surgeon. And so this story to him is like, yeah, I see it every day. It's not that exciting. He's always trying to bring you down. He's made, don't let him make you small. This is a substantial injury for a 14-year-old. Do you guys watch the pit? He has been watching the pit. I've seen a couple episodes. I come on from work. It's not very relaxing to watch a show that's basically about work. But I've heard it's very accurate. They've probably placed some chest tubes. Oh, yeah, I've seen them. I've seen hemo nomo with thoraxes, too. Hemo nomo. What's the thing they're always seeing in 16 minutes? Noon macoccal pneumonia. Oh, yeah. No macoccal pneumonia. Noon macoccal pneumonia. Oh, wow. I hate when these great laid plans go awry, because I don't want anyone to be discouraged to get out there and slide around on it, too. But he's got to maybe make sure the area's a little free. Recently, they actually got a large amount of snow

57:15in coastal North Carolina. And my brother said to video pulling my nieces around on a sled. The pizza, of course. We're still doing it, don't worry. I like this family. The eggsima really didn't slow him down. Well, lovely meeting you. Thank you, Michelle. Nice to meet you, too. All right, good luck on your residency. Thank you. Have a good day. So impressed by these doctors. Yes, surgeon, no less. Yeah, it's a big job. Of all the medical professionals, which one do you think you'd be most suited for? Oh, that's a good question. Family practice? I mean, isn't that a good pick for you? Oh, I can't really see myself in in surgery for the ER. Maybe surgery, I'm pretty meticulous. Okay, you don't mind the open body and all the blood. Right, that parts grows. Yeah. Maybe dentist? No. People's teeth, that's gnarly. Look, it's not for me. We'll say mine out loud on the 321, right? 321 CZL. Oh. This is right there. There's drugs. I know everything about them.

58:16I thought you were going to say surgery, because you're going to be in surgery. I'm going to be in surgery. I'm going to be in surgery. I'm going to be in surgery. I'm going to be in surgery. I'm going to be in surgery. I'm going to be in surgery. I thought you were going to say surgery because you're good at mechanics. And it is basically a hand. Well, I have an unrecorded saying I can do any surgery. Correct. If I can see a YouTube video first. I was trying to be nice in saying that. I just thought it would be such an obvious joke that it would be anesthesiologist. And then, of course, they'd be calling me all the time to the room. They'd be like, where is Dr. Chef? Oh, my God. You're just high walking around. I'm going to be a fashion doctor. Oh, okay, fashion police slash doctor. Yeah. All right. Love you. Love you. Do you want to sing a tune or something? I'm going to have a theme song. Oh. Okay, great. We don't have a theme song for this new show. So here I go, go, go. We're going to ask some random questions. And with the help of our cherries, we'll get some suggestions.

59:16I'm a flyer-rindish. I'm the flyer-rindish. Enjoy. We are supported by all-state. Checking all-state first could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking, which platform you watch that new show on. So frustrating. 15 minutes later, you've logged into seven apps, reset two passwords, and still haven't found it. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check all-state first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with all-state. Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability. All-state North American insurance co-infiliates North Brick Illinois.