Ask Uncut - Insecurities, Ultimatums and Mum Guilt

Welcome back to ask uncut where we answer your deep and burning questions!

Vibes for the week:

Britt - account @aaronparnas 
Keeshia - The Rest Is Classified. Epstein Files Declassified: Was He A Spy? 

Laura - Lacevo bra breast pump 

Then we jump into your questions!

BF GAVE UP SMOKING THEN STARTED AGAIN YEARS LATER, AND NOW WONT STOP

My partner and I have been in a relationship for 6 years and he was a smoker when we met (maybe 2-3 cigarettes a day) but I even said to him on our first date that I never wanted to marry someone who smoked. It’s always been a no go for me - very scared of the consequences and what might happen if he continued to always smoke. Anyway, at the time (v early days of dating) he told me that he would quit one day and definitely didn’t want to always be a smoker forever. In fact, he said he would quit before we ever got engaged. And he did. He quit over 3 years ago, for a period of about a year until one day he had a falling out with his dad and was suddenly smoking again. He hasn’t stopped since and we’ve had conversations (as I have been seriously disappointed by it) and he said “fuck that promise, I smoke, either get over it or leave me”. I’m 6 years in now mate, I wish it was that simple. He clearly has no plans of quitting and I don’t wanna break up. What should I do? Btw we’re not engaged yet - but we’ve been planning our long term future forever. And he is my person, but this habit. It’s soul destroying for me. I wish he would just change because I know I can’t make him.

AM I CAPABLE OF LOVE?!
I've been with my husband for 8,5 years and married for 3 and we have 2 kids (4 and 2). He's not my first long-term relationship, I had one for 5 years and a few shorter ones way back in my teens. I'm just not sure if I've ever been in love? I (like any parent) love my kids with my entire being, I love my family and friends etc, and while my husband is a great guy and I'm very fond of him (lol), I'm not sure I've ever been in love. My goal was to always have kids (told him that on our first date) and my mum always said to pick a guy who'd be a good dad (my own is definitely meh and that's a whole other story to unpack). I knew he'd be a fantastic dad, which he is, and I think that's a big part of why I committed. Am I awful? Our home life is nice, we have fun and all, but would I be a better person if I "set him free" and let him find love he deserves?

HOUSEWORK DIVISION

My husband works 40 hours per week in a job that he doesn't particularly like but he has to ride it out a bit longer. I work the regular 37.5 hours in a job that I love. Should I be doing approx 2.5 hours more housework than he is? (Not that I would actually count it- more just the principle). He has never suggested this and is simply the BEST guy, but I find myself sometimes a bit resentful that he's not on the ball with house things as much as I am, and doesn't do quite as much... Mostly because I beat him to it. He's not good at remembering all of those little things like 'coffee machine deep clean' etc. Then the other day it occurred to me: should I be okay with doing more because he works more? Again, he has never mentioned this, and is such a golden-retriever, beautiful, kind man. For context: he is very clean and generally amazing to live with. We don't have kids or a dog: just the two of us! We will start having kids next year hopefully 😊

DAYCARE AND MUM GUILT

I have a question I’d love to hear Laura talk about as she has little kids(and obviously get Brit’s ideas on too because she’s AMAZING) I’m a working mum. I work as a lawyer and I’ve always worked full time. I just had my first baby (he’s 4 months old) and I’m thinking about when I go back to work (probably when he’s 10 months old) and putting him in daycare. I’m feeling mum guilt about this so I’d love to hear your thoughts on being a working mum and will my baby be ok and still thrive as a daycare kid.

 

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