Dani Fernandez

0:00Hey everyone, hi, hello, welcome to another exciting episode of Alice and Rosen, is your new best friend? I am delighted to welcome to the pod cabin actor writer, director, owner of the cutest shoes that she claims are comfortable. Please put your hands together for Danny Fernandez. Thank you. Hello. Hi. It is nice to meet you. I want to like hold up my shoes so people can see me. I know. Should I try? Try. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Oh my gosh. I do want you to know I'm wearing a squirt. Oh, that's smart. So I have squirts under. So I'm not about to flash you. Okay. Or anyone else. Okay. Look how cute they're like so. But they don't look too close because they have seen the fest they have been at music festivals.

1:04So they're a little they are they are super comfortable though. It's like they have a story to tell. They do. There's character to them. Yeah. So there but yeah, I've I've had them for years now and every scuff is an adventure. So every every I took them to Comic Con. I've taken them to concerts and that's what the first thing you said you complimented me and I'm like I just want you to know they're comfortable. Yes. I know. Which is sort of like it's almost like that clothing Tourette's thing of like some complimented you and you'd be like I got it for $12 literally. I feel like it was girl code too. I just wanted you to know like these these are comfortable despite what they just for show. Exactly. Right. Do you enjoy festivals and things like that? I mean, I don't know. I feel like I'm I'm a Gemini. So I feel I'm split in half. Like I'm literally half extroverted half introverted. Does that mean that you had a birthday very recently? Yes. Well, it was May 24th and I actually what? But you're a tourist. That's right.

2:04Okay. And you are someone who knows the zodiac. Much better than I do. Okay. And here is why because one, you guys have a good. Gemini's don't have the best reputation. I have to say the reputation is that you can be a little too face, right? Which is wrong. It's more that we have a dual personality. We're trying to reclaim. We're trying to reclaim. But I know that tourists because I've dated several tourists men, they do not have a good reputation. What are they like? I know tourists. I feel like we are known for being, but I am stubborn. We're known for being stubborn. Which I don't think is a bad thing. Right. Yeah, especially in women. What, so what were these guys like? Oh my god. So tourists is known for being loyal. I will say that. You all are known for being loyal. And in my humble opinion, I think these men were loyal to their moms. And so they don't feel they need to be loyal to their girlfriends. Okay. And I know I'm sure there's people out there who can relate to that. Yes. But you know what I mean? The kind of guy that's like, oh, because I treat my mom so good. So it means I'm good to women.

3:05Right. Which is not really how it works. No. And if you, I feel like if you scratch the surface of that, there's all sorts of dysfunction there. Exactly. But I think because I'm right after you guys, I feel like they specifically are attracted to me. Interesting. Like I've weirdly attracted a lot of tourists because I'm right next to their son. Yeah. Okay. So now how does this relate to going to festivals? I just meant that my answer would be Oh right. You're extroverted and introverted. I'm extroverted and introverted. I don't, I am a homebody. But I also feel that I need to be seen. Which is probably why I'm in sparkly attire. Yeah, I feel like I have this. And in this career perhaps. And in this career. Yeah. So speaking of the woo woo stuff, I'm a Leo rising and Leo is known for being in the spotlight. We were just talking about a friend of ours, Mark Ellis, who's a comedian. He's a Leo rising. This another friend of mine who's a showrunner is a Leo rising. I think there's something about Leo people that they pursue this.

4:06Right. My husband is a Leo. But see, people are usually surprised and then they go like, oh, that makes sense. And I never quite know what that means. But wait, how do you know what you're rising sign in? It's your, so you have to put in your full birth chart. It's like your, your birthday plus your time. Like where? Right. Okay. You were born. I bet there's a million places on the internet. Yeah, yeah, yes, though. Yes. Okay. Yeah, you've known me for eight seconds. And I already, if you were to guess, if you're to guess what my rising is. I would say you're really a rising. Okay. And then, and would you be fascinating if you are? Is there another one too? Is there a falling? Oh, is it just rising? Yeah. Is there a descendant? Yes, I think there is a descendant. But so you're, it's your main three. Okay. It's your son, your moon, and your rising. Got it. So yeah, your son, people have all these things about like, oh, it's how you present or your ascended is how you present and how you at your moon is supposed to be how you are internally. But yeah. So like how much does all this stuff affect your life?

5:08I am someone that goes to psychics. I will, I will say that. And I go to like one or two a year, and they have to be heavily recommended. So I'm not just going to like go off the street into a psychic place. But like, yeah, if someone was like, no, they literally predicted, like they predicted, I would meet this person and where I would meet him and not like, I, you know, that's the type of, I'm like, who is it? Who I want to go see him? Right. And so I go to one or two because I want to, I want to compare. Mm hmm. Compare what? Compare what they said. Right. That's smart. You're fact checking. Yes. Yes. And so they've all kind of said that, and I don't tell them. I want people to know that I'm not going in like, oh, did you see, you know, I'm going to meet this person and this, they all have said the same thing about a couple of things where they bring it up. And so then I'm kind of like, this must be a real thing. If you brought it up and then this other person and this other, then it must be true. Like what, if you feel comfortable sharing, what kind of thing? One was that I'm going to have a baby.

6:09Like, okay, I, this is crazy. I talk to Oprah's psychic. Who's Oprah's psychic? I don't, I'll find out and give you her. Wait, once she doesn't have a website, it's like you're, like you have to, like an owl comes essentially and give, like no, you have to be chosen. She doesn't have a website. You can't like find her. So you have to be recommended. It's like invite only. That's, she's like a white label psychic. Yeah. That's super cool. Yeah, but like, so I went to her, because someone she predicted that this one woman was going to, who was not in our industry at all, was going to make a television show and then she did. Who was it? Um, or what was the show? It was Broad City. Oh, wow. Uh, it wasn't the two, it wasn't a, Alana and Alana. Right, right, right. It was one of their producers told me, I don't, not to like, spill over business, but she was like, I saw the psychic. She said I was going to make a show with two women. And I wasn't even in, I wasn't even doing this. And then like a year or two later, she made Broad City and I was like, who is this psychic? Yeah. Can I see her? Wait, now how does the information this is Oprah psychic?

7:10How did you find that out? I think she told me that. I think she said like she had, she's seen everyone. When I went, I went to her house. But I didn't know that Oprah goes to a psychic, did you? No. But I think, and also like she's, I don't want to say she's Oprah, like she's seen everybody. Okay. She's like, I went to, and I stay, she had this huge massive like wooden table and she's like, everyone has been here. Like every, like Oscar winner has, and I'm like, okay, I'm listening. And so the first thing she told me was, watch out when you meet your person because there's this baby that wants to come down. And I'm like, okay, I've done really good, not getting pregnant. My whole life, so having had a baby come down yet. And come down like from your womb or from like the astroplane. Like the baby is ready. The baby is like waiting. And it's like one mess up. The baby's like, you mess up one time. You mess up one time. And so, but then I saw another one who also like a year later. And she said the same thing. She said, there's this kid that's like hanging out.

8:13And I can kind, like I'm very, I am very spiritual and woo woo, clearly. And so I felt this like young male energy just hanging out. And I asked my mom, I was like, You fucking bitch. Is that your child? Literally, literally, I'm like, I'm, you know, I've said a couple of things to him where I'm like, you could make this happen sooner. I want to say, like you could help me because I was like, there's a couple of things I want to make before I have kids. And I'm like, you could help me help me get the right producer, help me make me the right, help me meet the right person. Cool beans. Literally. So yeah, I asked my mom, did somebody pass away young in her family? Because I just feel this like young spirit hanging around me. So what did your mom say? She said, no, she's like, you keep asking me this. She's like, you keep asking me this. But anyways, apparently there's a little kid floating around who wants to come down. I'm like, why?

9:15So you want to have children? No, I was just, I wasn't, I didn't feel any kind of way about it. I wasn't someone that was like, I have to have this baby. And if this like, I'll do anything, you know, I just kind of am like, if it happens, it happens. I made a pack with him. I was like, if it, if I'm not going to stop you, is what I'll say. I was like, I'm not going to get in your way. But also there are some things I would like to accomplish first. And you could help me do that, please. What is your not going to get in his way, mean? I mean, I'm looking to have the capital A. I thought you meant like you're not going to practice safe sex. And I'm like, oh, that's really rolling the dice. Yeah, really? So what do you mean? I mean, like when I meet my person, but what I'm saying is like, I have, I'm Mexican. I feel like we're very fertile. And so I feel like when, and I even asked a psychic, like, why haven't I gotten knocked up yet? Like, you know, I'm a little curious. And they were like, because you haven't met the right person. And when you do, then this baby is going to come down very quickly. Is all so this I'm very excited. You know why I'm excited?

10:15Personally, my personal selfish reason for being excited is because just last night, I was saying to my husband, he and I need to like babysit an infant. Like I wish I had a friend that had a baby. There's no infants or new babies in my life right now. We went to back to school night. My kids, you met them. Yep. Just now they are nine and seven. I always want to say they're 10 and eight. And they will be. Right. But not yet. But for some reason, I keep wanting to promote them. But anyway, we went to back to school night. Uh-huh. And in my younger son's classroom, there was a woman holding this baby who was like, I don't know, like a couple months or younger. It was just this little tiny. These little babies. She looked miserable, which I remember that feeling of like, like I think I, I want to say the baby was a few weeks old. I don't know if it really was that young. Yeah. But she looked like she was just in the thick of it. Yeah. As a stranger, I wanted to just, I mean, I'm a stranger, so I didn't. But I wanted to be like, do you want me to just take this baby for you?

11:17Yeah. But it's so weird, my, the, what, the feeling that I associate with biological clock ticking. I felt last night like, and I'm like, I've had a hysterectomy. Like I'm not, I can't, and I'm too old. But like, I felt that feeling, that like yearning to have and to hold a little baby much more strongly than I felt it before I had my kids. Like I did, I am not Mexican, and I'm not fertile. I actually don't, I had an endometriosis. I had an endometriosis too. Okay. Well, in addition to you not meeting the right guy, it could be that 200%. I'm a 200%. That's why I'm like, okay, I guess this miracle kid, I still, like, I'm, that's what I'm saying is like, I'm not trying, I'm not gonna try. I'm not trying. I'm not like, so I'm like, if you're coming down, you're a miracle, and you really want to come down very badly, and I'm not gonna stop you. I feel like he's on some John Connor, like terminator type thing. I'm like, what are you, why are you trying to change? Like, what is your mission? You want to get down here so badly. But he does, he tells every psychic that I've seen, so,

12:19unless they all just have some vendetta of wanting to, I don't know, us to have more babies or something, I guess. Right. They want more customers. I guess. I'm cynical. I'm just kidding. So, yeah, so have your baby. And then I'll hold it. Perfect. Deal. I will be hitting you up. Yes. So. Okay, so you, I know that you were in Orange County for a period of time, you grew up in Orange County for a little while. A little bit. Yeah. And you have similar feelings about it that I do. My listeners know that I feel that Orange County was like a rough place to grow up, unless you're blonde, blue, eyed and very athletic, super rich and conservative. That's yeah. But not all of, and you were kind of saying that's not all of Orange County's like that, but, but where we both were was, then you're in Texas. I know that you're like known for being involved in sort of the geek, geek culture, geek world. Explain that. Well, I just grew up kind of, probably because of my time in Orange County, to be honest, like I grew up like heavily online, like just reading a lot of fan fiction and two NAMI came out,

13:23which was on Cartoon Network. It was like their anime block that I became obsessed with. And the thing is is like I was watching like Hey Arnold and Doug and like these really innocent cartoons and all of a sudden they slapped on anime, which is like largely kind of adult. And it was like these hot super hot rip, like muscular guys that were beating each other up and like killing each other. And I was like, damn, this is really hot. Like I was just like, this is what age were you? I was like, um, fifth grade, fifth, sixth, I was going into middle school. And so I became obsessed with like Dragon Ball Z, which is a huge anime. I have it tattooed on me. I ended up working with them. And so that kind of is like, but I would, I was like a recluse. Like I would just live in this little anime fantasy world where I was like chatting probably to people in their, you know, middle-aged men when I was like a child, you know. So yeah, I just, I just got super into it. It kind of became like a safe space, I guess you would say, like because I was bullied so much in Orange County. And they don't, I said something on threads about it being a little racist when

14:28when I was there and people are like, no, no, it's not you bitch. Like literally the comments were like, maybe it was just you, you, you effing bitch. And I was like, no, see, but you guys are kind of like people don't, yeah. I don't like when you, and I'm like, I was, but also I was like, why were people being so defensive of Orange County? Oh no. But I can definitely tell you they were on my threads. And I was just sharing my, what I basically was trying to say is that because I also grew up in Texas. And you know, I'm not saying that there isn't racism there, but like I, there was a big Southern hospitality, I would say, especially the time that I was there. And so I don't know, I just, I'm just always trying to tell people that California is not as black and white as they think it is. And so it's Texas. Texas is also not as black and white. When you say black and white, how do you mean that? I mean, like, it's not like, oh, California is liberal and Texas is conservative. Right. They have both of them. Yeah. Tons of pockets of both. And, and if you want

15:28to find conservatives, Orange County has a great place to go. Yeah. 100% are Beverly Hills or San Diego. My mom was born and raised in San Diego and that also and Texas has a lot of liberal. I went to UT in Austin and, you know, I just feel like they're more interchangeable than people want to believe. Okay, question for you as someone, wait, I'm taking a question that I had is right here, but over here, but weren't you on like, what you a cheerleader or on some kind of cheering squad on the drill team? Okay, which is a little bit different. Wait, what is the drill team? Because that is the fodder of popular girls. Yeah, not entirely. The cheerleaders were. Cheerleaders were. Was this now in Texas or Texas? Okay. In Texas. Yeah. I was on the drill team, which is essentially the dance team. So we would go out and do like like the rockets. Popular popular. I need a popular drop. No, it wasn't. I swear to God, like them and color guard, like they were not popular. Everyone just said we were want to be cheerleaders. Oh, God, kids are the worst. I know, but I actually didn't want to be a cheerleader. I wanted to be

16:32a dancer. My parents. Yeah. Go ahead. My parents put me in dance class and I joined the dance team. It was basically like the kick line. So we would go out the football games and we would like do these kick routines. Would you come out before the cheerleaders or were you all on the field at the same time? Okay, so in my school, yeah, we had cheer and then we had song. And I never understood. It's song also color guard, like with the flags. Well, we didn't have anything called color guard, but it's from where I sat. They all wore the same uniform. Okay. Only cheer said cheer on their shirt or vest or whatever it was. Okay. And then songs said song. So I they were all involved in the song. Do the same. It seemed to me maybe stuff that was slightly more acrobatic. I think they would probably drill team. But okay, they were all they all did pep rallies. Yes. Like in the yearbook, it's like song was on one side and cheer was on the other. They were the same to me. But I'm wondering if one was drill team. I'm just so curious. How did you,

17:37how did you, how did you find this out about me? Oh, that's a great question. I was doing a lot of googling. Okay. And I encountered it somewhere, but I don't exactly know where. Was it my picture of me on my drill team? Because it is no, because I didn't see a picture I would have loved to. If you saw the picture, you'd be like, okay, you were not popular. I'm a love you. So I mean, I think I have a thing of it that I can show you real quick. And then if you want to, we can put it up on the. Yeah. But so it was essentially a cowboy attire, which I love. Like I think it's great. But it was essentially a full rhinestone cowboy attire. That's amazing. RIP, Dolly Parton. I know. Because it was so her vibe. And we would go out and we do this kickline. So a lot of, a lot of my classmates went on to being the Rangerettes. So the Rangerettes, Kilgore Rangerettes is essentially kind of similar to the Rockettes. It's like a full college that a lot like most of the people that go there, I don't want to say most because I don't want anyone writing me. But essentially

18:37a lot of the girls that go there is to be on their kick team. They have a professional kick team that's like the Rockettes. So my instructor was a Rangerette. In my instructor before her was a Rangerette. It's like a big honor. But it's still not seen as popular. It's not seen as cool. No. So cool at my school. Yeah. I'm trying to see if I can. Oh, I know I can find a photo of you because I just, I mean, a photo for you. But anyways, yeah. So it's like a full rhinestone get up that we wore. And if you can't find it now, you could. Yeah, you're this. Oh, okay. There you go. Oh my. Oh my gosh. This is so cute. It's more than every. Every football game. That's on a that's on a button that my parents would wear at the football games. You look so sweet. How old are you here? Probably freshman sophomore. You look like. Do you know Jackie Johnson? No. She is a podcaster and comedian and actress. And she grew up in Texas. Okay. And she did

19:39pageants. Her mom put her in pageants. This is not something she wanted to do. Although she has like a very sort of like, brassy, funny personality. So it like makes sense. But I feel like she would wear like this is almost like a little pageant outfit. Yeah. Okay. That's adorable. This was not popular though. That was not. I can sort of see where maybe I can see that right now. Use your orange County mind and be like that. Of course. If you showed up like that, you would not be cool. No, because you look too earnest and sweet. Ernest is sweet. Yeah. The cheerleaders are like, you know, the cool girls. Yeah. Right. They're like their hike their skirts are hiked up and they're yeah. So. Okay. How much did being bullied? Yeah. You use that word. Like you feel that you were bullied. I legitimately was. Okay. Yeah. How much did that affect who you became? And do you still feel affected by it? My story is I was in I went to private school. We have that in common. Both

20:44went to private schools in Orange County. At my school, there was like the popular group that was coed and then there was the more studious, less popular group. And I was in the less popular group. There wasn't really like fighting between the two groups. It was just like kind of broke into in broke that way. So I always had like fine social standing in the less popular socially, like less advanced group. But then in seventh grade, this new girl joined, I came into the school and all of a sudden I became the like they like shunned me. So they would ditch you because of her. I don't know. I always I think that I think that she came in. I think it had to do with her coming in. I don't really know though. It could all I like it was either her or this other girl. I actually don't know. I mean, do you think that they put whispered in somebody's ear? Because it is something sometimes girls mean girls can do to don't right? Do you think that

21:45they like turned your friends against you? Well, everyone turned against me. I don't know what started it. Okay. And I don't know if I had a peat. If I had a part of it, it would have been I think that I was very insecure. I was kind of a follower by nature because I didn't want to be conspicuous. I grew up in a house like my parents stayed together, but they were always fighting and there was always like it was very tumultuous at home. Yeah. So I don't know if all of that, you know, I think I was a good target is what I mean. Okay. So anyway, they all turned against me. In my mind, for the entire year, it was like just, you know, emotional terrorism, but it actually was only for a couple months. However, that affected me probably till college. Yeah. So how did I feel over it now? Yeah. But no mind still, I think because like you said, like I've been in the so I've hosted a lot in the

22:49nerd space. I was hosting at a lot of different nerd channels like Nerdist. I would be on you and I talked about being on Shmo's over at Collider. I would be on screen junkies and the comments were horrific. And they were so I was bullied a lot for my looks when I was growing up. Literally, actually in Orange County, this is how evil kids could be. This kid convinced my whole PE class to call me Shrek. Can you imagine being like a 12 year old girl going through puberty? I also don't get it. And so that was horrific for me. I was definitely very depressed. And so later when I grew up having to deal with that again, of having so many comments about my face. So if y'all can see, I have a very strong jawline. And what and which I've come to love, I mean, people like literally get injections to have my jawline. Men and women, now which is crazy. But when I was coming up

23:51in these nerd spaces, I was insecure about it. And they just would zero in. And so the comments would be like, oh, she has like, she's manly. They would call me the T-slur. They would, yeah, just so I had so many comments about my jaw and my face that I almost had surgery. In my 20s, I almost got my jawline saw down. And the only reason I didn't is because I saw celebrities that did that looked bad. And I was like, I would rather just stay with what I have than mess up. And now I'm like, now, now when I see girls, they chew on those chubby, seeing the chomping thing that they chew on to try to like fill their jaws. Yes. And I'm like, no, I feel like everything that I was teased for because I also was called thunder thighs. And now I love my thick thighs. Now everyone wants thick thighs, you know, and a BBL and stuff. But those were things that I was legitimately teased like horrifically for so much so that I just, yeah, spiraled really bad when I was younger. And I developed an eating disorder. And so like, yeah, it's still, I don't want to say it still

24:54affects me. But I definitely have to protect myself from comments. Yeah. So comments still get chew quite a bit. Yeah. I mean, I mean, you can also see sometimes who writes them. I'm like, in your dreams. But I'm like, I'm human. Yeah. You know, so I just, I don't respond. Is I believe, like my woo-woo thing is I believe it's an exchange of energy. And I don't think that they deserve my energy. That's really smart. Yeah. So what was the, what was your first aspiration? Was it acting, comedy writing? It was writing. I was so angsty when I was growing up. I was actually published my senior year in like teen magazine. That's so cool. So angsty. I was like obsessed with fallout boy. And like, I'm still obsessed with them. Actually, they're still my favorite band. But I was, I was so angsty and I would write these like really angsty poems. And I just wanted to be a writer. And I actually went into journalism. And, but when I was at UT, they didn't let me,

26:00I was prejournalism. And they didn't let me into the broadcast journalism program. Why? They're just very like, there's only a few, there's only certain people because they place you at the news stations. And so some of my friends did get in and then they went on to be like anchors. And I actually think this is like, so that's what you want to do. You want to be? Yeah, I want to. Yeah, but local news. Yeah, I guess that was a part of me that wanted to be on camera or on screen. And it actually was so, it's like that rejection is protection. Because if I had been an anchor, I would not have the career. I wouldn't be able to say whatever I wanted. I wouldn't have pursued comedy. I wouldn't be making this stuff I am or say. And some of my friends that did go on, they hate it. They can't be themselves online. They can't say. And the times that they have, they've gotten in trouble. And it's like they're representing their station. Right. And even one of my friends, like she posted a go fund me for another friend. And her station was like, why are you asking people for money?

27:01Oh, geez. And so I'm like, dang, I'm so lucky that I, that they rejected me. I'm so lucky. That's crazy. But it's like hindsight, you know, when you're rejected in the moment, it just feels like the end of the world. But then it ended up being like, I guess the best thing for me. So okay. So you didn't get into the program. Yeah. So then what did you do? I was actually a fitness instructor at the time because I needed to make money. So I was working at the campus gym. And then I realized like a bunch of my friends that were also working at the campus gym, they just did that for their career. You can get like a kinesiology degree. And then I later found out that that's what my mom's degree is in. So I like totally 180 when they didn't let me in. I just got a degree in kinesiology. I actually worked in cardiac rehab. So I was, I wanted to be a physical therapist. And then I realized like this isn't for me. It takes us a certain kind of person to be able, when you work in cardiac rehab, you're only dealing with people that have heart issues, which means people are passing away constantly. And at your heart

28:02hospital. And I'm really glad that I have that experience. And I have that background and that knowledge, especially because I ended up having an autoimmune disorder and I have health issues. And so having a health working in a hospital allows me to have the background that I do. But I just realized I wanted to be a writer. I was like, that never went away. And so I moved here with a hope in a dream. And I got, I responded to a Craigslist ad to work the door at the Ice House Comedy Club in 2013. And so I actually showed up there with my resume. I was like, there's no way if I submit on Craigslist that they're going to see this amongst them. They later told me like over 100 people apply just to work the door because you know, people just want a job right out here. They just want to be close to comedy. And so I worked, I worked the door there. Um, were you already thinking comedy at that point? Yeah, yeah. I wanted to be a comedy writer. I will say my angst turned into very dark comedy. And so I had developed a following by that chance. Like, you know, it feels small now. But at the time, I think I had like 20,000 followers

29:06on Twitter. My friend Roy Wood Jr., who ended up being a great mentor of mine, he followed me. He was like, you're really funny. Like you need to pursue this. Um, I met our mutual friend Mark Ellis. Um, and there were just so many comedians around me that were like, Hey, this is, this is one they were like, are you okay? One they were like, are you okay? This is based on what you're posting on Twitter. Yeah. But I also was like submitting, you know, submitting for like every fellowship imaginable. I was writing sketches. I was writing. Um, so it wasn't just tweets. I always tell people, obviously, I mean, I don't even have Twitter anymore. What's changed so much? Yeah. Yeah. But I, um, I had, uh, this is a little dark, but I had a suicide attempt when I was in my 20s and I wrote a dark comedy about it. And that's kind of what changed my life. Like Roy read it and his manager was like, you can sell this. Was it a feature? No, it was a pilot. Um, and it got me staffed. It got me my reps. It got me like I just put my, it was funny and it was dark and it just was vulnerable and,

30:11and Ron, it got me, it changed my life. Did you try to sell that particular pilot? We did. Yeah, I sold it to HBO Max. Oh wow. Um, I sold it to HBO Max. Roy helped me with that. He was an EP on it. And then a month later, the pandemic happened. Oh wow. Um, and they fired the head of HBO Max and my pilot didn't survive. And I tried to take it back out. Um, was with Oz Rodriguez, who's a great director. And it didn't, um, it didn't go, it didn't go. So I've had a lot of, which is what happens to a 99.99 exactly pilots. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I, um, I have taken two things out, uh, with like sizzle real pilot presentation things. And neither of them, you know, went and so that I was like, okay, you know, message received. I guess I'll stop. And it's like, I, it's fun. I was just telling this story to someone. I remember interviewing someone on the show who had just sold something to Netflix. And it was like his 14th pitch or something. And I just realized if that is something I

31:15really want, I can't stop it too. You know, it's, it's just a numbers thing. Yes. But I did. So anyway, that's it. It might come back. Yeah. You might, you might have other like, you know, and I would like to think that things kind of just happen like easier when we link up with the right people. In my life, it's always been that way. It's like the things I think that were right for me were, I knew, but the career wise, yeah, in terms of like full-time jobs or regular jobs, it's been like, I've heard about the job. I've gone, that would absolutely, I would be right for that. And then I was right. And then I didn't have to convince anyone. I just what, you know, versus feeling like, you got to like convince, convince the universe. It's so exhausting. Yeah. I feel the same way. Yeah. Are you comfortable talking about your suicide attempt? Sure. I, I almost brought this up, but I've, so I've had, I'm pretty vocal about it, but I've had two. And the first one was when I was in middle school in Orange County. Wow. So that's why I was like, when you're like, are you sure you're

32:16bullied? I'm like, yes, sure I was. You know, I, what is so crazy is one of my bullies like, it's crazy now that we live in the, in a time of social media where like you stay in contact, like, you know, on Facebook, like people, like high school reunions used to be a big thing. And now it's like, well, I see everyone that I would high school with, you know, I've kept up with their lives. And so one of my bullies does, it has like an inspirational podcast, which is, what I know, you don't have to say the name, but what I know this person knows the tiny podcast. No, and it's like a difference. It's not in our, it's not like in our comedy, it's not our side of the industry. And I'm not saying like anything about like tracking them down or anything like that. It's just more like I, when I have, so I wrote my, I wrote my pilot about my suicide attempt that I had in my 20s and I wrote a different comedy about my middle school one. And I kind of want to hit them up and be like, can I be on your show? You should because it's not, I'm sure to be healing for him because it's a guy. It was a guy. He was so jock. Yeah. Very jock, like,

33:21hot popular, whatever, like, and he was someone that I had to deal with for multiple years. Is it a religious inspirational podcast or just like motivational? I think it's like sports motivational, like Chad kind of, you know what I mean? But I'm also just kind of like maybe, you know, it's really, it's hard to hold kids accountable. Yeah. I mean, like, yeah, kids are horrible and awful and like there are kids like me who, who have these attempts when they're, it's a real thing, you know? And also he was a kid. So it's more just like, what were you going through to be like that? So have you thought about reaching out to him? Yeah. What do you think his reaction would be? I think I feel like he would have me on, but I don't know if he would be, I don't know, I don't think he remembers. Well, that's always the question, right? Yeah. There was this, so a whole long story incident when I was in high school. And so I went to my high school reunion. Everyone was like, that sounds awful. Why would you do that? I forgot. So anyway,

34:22one of my friends who was sort of involved in the whole thing on my side, said as they, as they were driving home, you know what? I'll just tell the story because it's too big. Okay. I was on the newspaper in high school. And I was in my senior year. I was also in a bunch of AP classes. And I was very overwhelmed. And I guess I don't, I think I must have felt like I'm not getting the support I need from the other people on the newspaper because I was a section editor of the section of the paper. So I wrote a letter to the faculty member who oversaw the newspaper. Okay. Just explaining and saying that I needed to quit essentially. I wrote a letter quitting. And so I gave it to this guy that I thought was trustworthy. Who was in my chemistry class. And I said, could you give this to the teacher? So the next thing I know, I'm in class and my friends

35:24Katie and Jen, who are my two best friends, they're like, you know, come, come out. And they're like, they put, they posted your letter. I'm like, what are you talking about? And anyway, they had taken my, they, the newspaper staff had taken my letter. Kids. Yeah, the kids. Yeah. And printed it out so that like each page was like a word or two and then pasted it up on the wall. So when you walked into the newspaper room, it was like, my letter was humongous. Oh my god. And I had just signed it, Allison, but they had added roses. It was the weirdest that it was super weird. They were just trying to like, what? Oh, she's trying to like, rat us out or something. But I didn't mention anyone by name. Right. And it wasn't even that finger pointing, you know? Yeah. It was, but it was just, it was so weird. Even now I think about like, I definitely felt embarrassed. And I knew that I was like the target of something, but it was almost like an insult that doesn't quite land. Like, yeah, I don't quite get it. But I did ask. I was very upset with

36:27the faculty member. Her name was Mrs. Muck. I think she passed away. So I'm just going to say her name. I was a thousand years. Right. Linda Muck. I was very upset that she, you know, signed off on this. Yeah. And she's like, but she was like, I just thought it would be helpful for people to see what editors go through or something. I'm like, but that's not, they're not looking at the letter. Right. And feeling bad for me. Although actually, I remember when I went in to witness it, like, it was like, it was like an art exhibit at the school. Like some, like various people were just walking in to see it. And I remember a couple of girls were looking at it. These younger girls and they were like, I kind of feel bad for her. It's like, yeah. So anyway, anyway. And we used to, so this was when Grunge was very big. And my, I don't know why we joked about this. But Katie and I were joking that and the girl who was the editor in chief, who was like, our friend, but she kind of turned into a frenemy. Okay. She was, no, she didn't go to say at a, why were we, why were we joking

37:28that we were going to see our letter in the background of like a sound garden video or something. So someone involved must have been going to Seattle. But anyway, so anyway, bunch of years, so cut to like five years ago, college, I mean, sorry, high school reunion. Right. Holly, who had been the editor in chief of the paper, where's it happened? And Katie and this girl, Lisa, I had been friends with all of them, but I was closer with Katie. Holly and I had like falling out. She went to the reunion with them and then drove home with them. And I guess on the way home, she said to Holly, like, do you remember the thing with Allison and the letter? And Holly had no memory of it. Really? Yes. Oh my god. I was like, when Katie told me this, yeah, I was like, what? I feel like, she said, I know, no, because it doesn't affect them the way it affected us. So that's the thing is that yeah, they're not saying this inspirational Chad. Yeah, might not quite remember. I don't, but I have a feeling that he continued to be like that, at least in high school and college. And then maybe he

38:34saw, gee, he might still be like that. Actually, we do have one mutual who was like, when I told, I was like, wait, how do you know this person? How do you know? And she was like, I, she was like, that doesn't surprise me is what she said. Oh, see, maybe he's still like that a little bit. Well, I think you should go. I think you got to do. I tried to, but I'm not coming with rate like, you know, again, I'm like, you were a child, but also like, let's hash it. Like, I feel like it's a therapy session to like meet with your school bullies. It really would maybe in absolving them. Yeah. You know, I just feel like because you might find out what was going on at his house at his house. If you're a child who is bullying, like, to the point that some, that the other kid is like looking towards self harm, or like I said, if you convinced the whole class to call this person Shrek every time they, they show up, like, you're, there's something, like, yeah, there was something going on with you. Right. And maybe he was being bullied by his parents or who knows who knows? I feel like that, as I said it, I'm like, now that feels really fast. Like that feels like there's no way out. But who knows? There are some mean girls who have

39:36stayed mean girls. You know what I mean? Yeah. We run into them in our business. And it was like, you can tell like, oh, you've been, you came out of the womb like this. Right. It's just who you are. Yeah. So, um, okay. So you made attempts and I had to attempt. Yeah. What happened? Well, I had, I'm a middle school one. And I, spoiler survived both of them. Also, there's like a joke of like, wow, you're bad. I'm like, yeah, I, I, I hear that. Women have, women statistically have not, not as violent attempts as, as men have more violent attempts. Right. So there's this question. I feel like a wrong, the wrong question to ask. But sometimes when people, this question of like, was it, do you feel that you were truly trying to, yeah, I think I was awful. Yeah. I just, the way that I describe, um, suicide to

40:38people is it's when your, uh, pain has exceeded your ability to cope. And especially as a child, I mean, then you're like, you don't have the same coping skills when I was in my 20 now, I have like insane coping skills. I just, that's why I talk about it so much. Um, one because I don't feel like I look like the face of suicidal depression, probably or it's like maybe, you know, I have only known you for a little while, but you, but I, but I've been, you know, looking at social media, you don't read as depressed. No. And I, and I think depression is something that I feel like I, I haven't ever dealt with addiction, but I equate it to addiction and that it just seems like it's always going to kind of be like ready to knock on the door. Yeah. Like if I don't keep up with all the things that I need to, um, keep up with. And so now I have great, uh, therapist, self care. I've done intensive outpatient, uh, I've done, I've done every kind of therapy that you could do to be, I feel like now I'm the person that people go to. And I actually feel like when the pandemic happened and people were spiraling or, you know, any of the tragedies we've dealt with, I feel like I'm now more well

41:40versed than for a lot of people was like their first time going through something that was massive in a crisis where I've been, I've now trained how to survive crises. I need to talk to you guys about the new mattress that we have. I think I mentioned a while ago that we were getting a new mattress and I was so excited because sleep is very, very important to me. So it arrived. We set it up and, um, I'm kind of over the moon. So it's from Lisa, L-E-E-S-A. And I, because I'm indecisive, I was having trouble choosing which mattress, even though I had taken their sleep quiz, which totally helps you, but we ended up getting the Lisa legend hybrid chill. So it's a hybrid mattress, meaning it's got traditional inner springs. And then it also has memory foam. But then because it's the chill, it has like a quilted pillow top, which keeps you cool. It is possibly the fanciest, best constructed, most comfortable mattress I have ever owned. And it's just, it's like, it's one

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43:49been awarded best hybrid and best memory foam mattresses by the New York Times wire cutter and they're featured by West Elm as their go to mattress partner. Go to Lisa, L-E-E-S-A.com for 25% off select mattresses plus get an extra $50 off with promo code Allison Rosen. That's an exclusive for you guys. So that's Lisa L-E-E-S-A.com promo code Allison Rosen for 25% off select mattresses plus an extra $50 off. And when you use our code Allison Rosen, you're supporting this show. Lisa L-E-E-S-A.com promo code Allison Rosen. How old were you when you were in middle school and and try? Um, let's see, I had to have been 12 or 13. Probably 13? I think I was 13. And did your parents know you were going to do something? I mean, so when I was in that private Catholic school that I was talking to you about, I used to come home crying every day. So my parents definitely knew

44:52that. They would see, I wasn't only one, my little brother would also come home crying every day. I mean, we were just bullied. Yeah. Really bad. And it was one of those things where like you had to have money or be white or like all of those things together, you know. And like you said, blonde, blue-eyed, like tiny and I was not tiny when I was growing up. And yeah, so I used to come home crying every day. And it was kind of like a suck it up kind of thing, you know. Suck it up was the vibe of your parents? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. And so I actually don't, my pilot that I ended up selling to HBO Max was about my relationship with my dad who I actually don't talk to. I haven't talked to him in over a decade. None of my siblings actually talked to him. And then later found what how you were saying that your parents argued a lot. My parents argued, my parents argued a ton and I told my mom when I was in fourth grade to divorce my dad. Oh wow. Because kids know. Yeah. I would go to other homes and I would be like, oh, your dad is nice. My dad is not nice. What was he like? He was to be, I always say that he's like a Latino Tony soprano. He was so alpha. He looks

45:59kind of like Tony soprano, but a Latino version and he's very alpha. And I mean, like if you look at him the wrong way, it's that kind of thing. Got it. You know, and he would like throw stuff, like he would like take a laptop and I'm like, you paid for that, but whatever, he would like throw chairs and like punch the wall like that kind of thing. And but it was like, it was even, it wasn't even us. It was like, I remember, he called, he was calling to order pizza or something. And he was like, oh, can you do me a favor? And the guy on the other line said it depends on what it is. And my dad snapped like just a response like that. But why? He just demands respect. I feel guys like that. Okay. So I'm relating a, I don't think my dad was as extreme. And I wasn't trying to say that your parents were like my parents. Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, no. But my, but my dad had a lot of qualities like that. Okay. And he also like, he, his dream would have been to be in the mafia. Like he was so obsessed with mafia stuff. And I asked him once like what it, well, you

47:01know, I mean, it's, it's like a common, you know, fantasy. And he's like, it's the power. 100%. But he also like, I can remember us driving and then pulling over in him getting out of the car and like having some exchange with some guy and getting back in and my dad being like, that guy was a maniac. He wanted to fight me. But like, but also I think he almost did fight. Like why are we even pulling over and getting out and yelling match like what were you doing? And he also would throw things. And just very, I, I, I think he always, I was too young to really know but I suspect other men felt a competitive energy from him all the time. Like he had to be the big dog always. Yeah. My dad actually, it's kind of opposite of big dick energy. No offense to all the men we're talking about. No, totally. It's like this level of machismo. But it like when I'm watching the sopranos, I've just, I would always keep turning my friend like that is so my dad. Like he was just like, you looked at him the wrong way or like you, like there's a scene where Tony

48:04like this guy, his bodyguard is looking at him. And he just beats him up in front of everyone for looking at him a certain way. And I'm like, that's exactly how he was. It's so hard to grow up around that kind of stuff. True. Because yeah. For me, at least, it's just like this doesn't make sense to me. It's totally different than how I want to be. And it goes against my values and my morals and like what the fuck has happened? This is insanity. Yeah, but I, the one thing I will say I guess from doing so much therapy is that I'm glad. So my mom is the opposite of that. And I'm really glad that I, I have some of my dad's traits and that he, he taught me how to stand up to people because I would stand up to him. And so I think you need that as a woman in our industry. I am like, I guess, is a stereotype, but I am very fiery. I am very like I, I will put you in your, I have claws. And that's kind of what I mean about being a Gemini is like, I'm very sweet and like cute. But like, if you mess with me, I've claws. And I got that from him. I didn't get that from my, my mom is from

49:05the generation of like my family super Catholic. It's like, obey your husband and when the times when she wanted to leave, she was talked out of leaving him because like you need to put my car parents or from her family and from priests. That was a big thing when she finally was ready to leave my dad. The priest would not annul her marriage, even though she had been so active in the church. So she had to get a different priest and like actually write out letters of how my dad was abusive and cheated on her. He fathered other children. He fathered two other children with two other women while he was married. It was like all this, you know, and the church wouldn't give her an moment. And so, but yeah, she, she, it took her a long time to, to leave him and I am kind of not that way. Yeah. So how old were you when she found the left hand? I was think about the, I was like 22, 23. So they were together. You're all childhood. Exactly. Yeah. Which I actually think there's so much conversation around like staying together for the kids. I'm like, please don't. Yeah. You know, like that, our lives would have been different. So you, when did you stop talking to him?

50:12I stopped talking to him. I think it was 2014. That's when I was first diagnosed with my autoimmune disorder and I was dealing with heart issues actually. And I wrote him like, hey, I might have to go to the hospital. My heart was just off. It was like beating very slowly and skipping a beat. I had a rhythmia and which is crazy. Like I said, I worked in cardiac rehab. So like I kind of knew the stuff with my heart. I said, mom is, mom might have to take me to the hospital. And he didn't reply. And I think it was because my mom was involved. He like hates my mom. My mom now hates him. And they have this like, oh, if she's going to be there, I'm not going to be there. And I was like, I am your daughter and the fact that you won't come to the hospital because mom is there. I was like, oh, I'm never talking to you ever again. So that did you say anything to him? No, I think I just made a, mm-hmm. I was like, I'm just done. And my, he did, he found my work email and wrote me. And I ignored it. I'm just, my older brother also doesn't speak to him. He has two kids and like, he's

51:13never met his kids. I don't think he ever will. I think we're just really, I think I have forgiven him. I that doesn't mean I want him in my life. Because I feel like he's a scorpion and anyone, he's very charming. He kind of reminds me. I've also like, he reminds me of both Tony, Tony soprano is charming. And Don Draper and Mad Max, my dad was in advertising. He was that like, liquor drinking, smoking cigar, like having women sit on his lap kind of guy. And so I'm just like, so what I'm saying is people get close to him because they don't, they don't believe me or whatever, you know, like my half siblings were like, you know, oh, I'm sorry, like your dad, you know, he said some not good things about you. And then they get close to him and then they realize, oh, this is why you don't talk everybody finds that out. So that's why I feel like he's a scorpion. You're going to get stung eventually. What's his sign? Oh my God. He is, let's see,

52:14he was born in July. He can't be a cancer though. My best friend is a male cancer. And I feel like he's sweet. But yeah, he's, maybe he is a cancer. That's really interesting. So what was going on? Wait, my second time. Yeah. I actually got married when I was much younger. I met my husband when I was 18. I was living in Texas. That's what you do when you're in Texas. Where in Texas? You were in Austin, right? I was in Austin for college. I was in a formally small town called Frisco outside of Dallas. It's not small anymore. But when I was there, it was very Friday nightlights. My brother was Varsity football captain. There was one high school for the whole town. Now there's 12. Now it's just like population exploded there. I think what it was is that it was all cow pastures. We literally lived across from a cow pastor. And so all these companies bought up all the land. So like they're making a universal studios there. Pepsi co moved there to Plano, Frisco,

53:15but Frisco for people that were like born and raised there was not. Yeah, it had a lot of land. And so it got all developed on. So you got married? I got married. No, I met my husband at 18. We after college, everybody, it was crazy when I was graduating from UT. It was not this way today. When I was graduating from UT, everybody was engaged. Like you got engaged that night. They do up the tower. And there's all these fireworks and everybody's on one knee getting engaged. And I wasn't. And I ended up working the summer in cardiac rehab. I did my internship for Baylor. And anyways, all the little old ladies in cardiac rehab were like, why aren't you engaged? Does he not love it? Like is he not ready? Yeah. And so all this pressure. And so I kept asking him like, yeah, why? We're in love. We were we were wildly in love. We were just too young. And so we ended up getting married. And we wanted completely different things. He wanted to settle down, have kids. I wanted to pursue this. I wanted to be a writer. I wanted to move to LA because I wasn't

54:20here at the time. And it was very, we made this rule, which I'm curious, your thoughts on this, being married. We made, and what you've seen with your married friends, we made this rule that we would move to wherever whoever made the most money. But then I realized that's going to be you. What was he doing? He was an advertising. And he had, he like kind of had to let, you know, writing is not like it's something that yes, you can eventually make a lot of money. But at first, you're not going to make a lot of money. Right. You know, and it's not it's going to be like freelancing here. And you're doing that. You're being a PA here. Yeah. It feels like that arrangement is like you said, it's just going to be him. No matter what it's going to be him. Yeah. Do you feel like your married friends go by that though? No. No. Okay. No. I don't think the arrangement is usually will go to whoever makes money is. It's usually like if someone has an opportunity and that's their dream. Yeah. And it makes sense for the family. That's both. Yeah.

55:22I feel like that's usually that I feel like that's the better version of your deal. Yeah. But I sure there's so many people in this country who have the. I'm sure. I'm sure. Yeah. And so I kind of just gave up my career. And anyways, we we parted ways. Oh, so speaking of my second attempt, we were going through a divorce. And I just felt like my life was over. I didn't have any prospects. I didn't have any job prospects. And now I was losing my husband. I even though I had initiated the divorce, it was like the life that I thought I was going to have I didn't. And he was also like my someone that I love deeply and had known since I was a teenager. And of course, like I said, I don't have a good relationship with my dad. So he was my positive male role model that was suddenly stripped from me. So I had an attempt and that I was hospitalized for. And then I realized like I who found you. I had called him. I'd called him because I was like, this is it. And he called 911. And so is the Colorado Fire Department who rescued me.

56:26And in the town that we were in. And I was in the hospital. And when I got out, I oh yeah, I didn't mention this, but we had moved to Colorado. We bought a house, which also I don't recommend doing your first year of marriage. We moved away from everyone that we knew. And so he had gotten a drop off from Colorado. Yeah. And we had, I mean, this is just how different the time like this was like 20. I mean, not that long ago, but it was like 2012, 2013. We were two people in our 20s. We bought a house. We had two dogs. Like we were doing the, you know, and yeah. And I had given up my career and stuff. And yeah. So that was my first, I mean, I was just, I just spiraled really bad. I just felt like my life was over. So you said that at that point, you realized you needed to get help. And I also, yeah, I have to say this. So I later found out that I have a Hashimoto's. I have a thyroid autoimmune disorder. That's one of the issues that I deal with. And so at the time, what I later know is my doctor explained me,

57:28Hashimoto's in depression go hand in hand. That's interesting. Your thyroid affects your heart. That was another reason why my heart was off. Your thyroid affects your hair. Like makes my hair fall out if it's not not where it needs to be. It affects your energy and affects your mood. A lot of patients that have Hashimoto's have depression. And so it was just like I was dealing with, I would on top of the situational stuff I was dealing with and feeling like my marriage was over and my career was over. I also was dealing with an unknown autoimmune disorder that I wouldn't have been that I was finally diagnosed with a year later. Right. I am hypothyroid, but not Hashimoto's, but I'm just wondering because I will, I'm a I'm a moody bitch. And I will have depression just out of nowhere. And this recently I was talking about it like just one day just woke up to have the blues. And I can't I wish I could say it's because of this or that, but I don't know why. And then I feel guilty because it's like I know I have a good life. So why do I feel this way? But I think that's normal. Yeah. I mean, yeah, maybe that's just being

58:32alive. No, yeah, I mean that, but also like, yes, it could be definitely you know that you're your hypothyroid. So you know that it's affecting you. Right. Although I'm treated for it. I'm treated for it too, but it doesn't affect it's still it's still underlying. So what, what were your symptoms that are how did you get diagnosed? I was severely fatigued. I was so fatigued I was like there's that I'm scared. Yeah. Like, um, and so I went in I thought I was just low in iron. And the way that I explain it to people is I would wake up and it felt like I had taken a shot of nightquil and then try to go about my day hazy fog and like just totally out of it. People could have conversations around me. And then I realized like, oh, everyone's like actually talking. I'm just standing here silently. You know that with that and your memory, your thyroid affects your memory too. And so then they were like, oh no, you have Hashimoto's. So the whole time I was just I was not getting thyroid hormone. And so for the past decade, I've kind of kept it at bay.

59:35But it is the bay in my existence. Hashimoto specifically, the autoimmune aspect of it is horrible because your body's attacking itself. So your antibodies are eating away at your thyroid tissue. So I can't just take medicine and be okay. I do take medicine every morning, but I'm still also dealing with all the inflammatory BS that happens from having an autoimmune disorder. So how does it manifest? Like I was saying, my hair, my hair will just start like coming out. I mean, it seems like it's really thick right now, which I'm so thankful for. But it'll my my eyebrow lady was like, why are you plucking them in the middle? And I'm like, I'm not, yeah, I'm not. I'm losing it because I'm because of my thyroid. Right. It's now gotten to point. It's affecting my eyes. How? It makes them so dry. Oh, yeah. Um, no, I mean, like literally, so my eye doctor said when you blink, you, um, there's a film that creates for like 10 seconds. For me, it's one second. Oh, wow. And so I just look like I've done coke or something. No, like literally, like I'm putting an eye drops constantly because of it. Um,

1:00:38and it was it was affecting my heart really badly. So that I'm still trying to figure out. And so basically what I was saying is like for a decade, I've had it under control in just this year, it went off the wire. It got so bad. Uh, and I was diagnosed with M-CAS, which is mass cell activation syndrome, which I'm finding out that a lot of people in our business actually have. And what is, I know that has something to do with histamine, right? Yes, exactly. It's like massive histamine intolerance. Um, and so it manifested as my face swelling. I've been wanting to make videos about it, but it's just so embarrassing. Like the photos are just so again, as someone that gets bullied online, I'm like, do I want these to live on? I don't want people, you know, to be like, is this your queen? This is her. This girl. No, you have to do this video. I know. I think because it's yeah, I shared that I had M-CAS and so many other actors, writers, directors, like people, Amelia Clark, who was the star of a Game of Thrones, just came out that she had M-CAS. And so I'm like, okay, so women are being affected by this. And we're not sharing it because of we want to

1:01:45get hired. Right. We don't want someone to be like, oh, but can you handle 12 hours on set? Right. So is M-CAS like a secondary thing? Like is it exactly what has caused it or not cause it, but preceded it? I think for me, my M-CAS, so a lot of people that there's like this trifecta and it's Ellers. I'm going to say. Yes, exactly. There's EDS, pots, and M-CAS. It's like this triangle. So I think mine was caused by mold exposure and COVID. I think that some people are just we're just now discovering like with long COVID the effects. So I truly think that that's because I got sick and then like literally a month later, I had M-CAS. And so with now that you have M-CAS, is it like, does it flare or like it used to be really bad where it was like my face was swollen? It looked literally my friend was like, you look like you were stung by a B, but I just was walking around like that. Right. Right. So it wasn't like I was stung and then it would go down the next day. It didn't go down. Could you feel it? Yes. Yeah. So I could feel it and it

1:02:47lasted for months. And then when I finally got it under and control it, like deflated it and it affected my face because my face was swollen for months. That when it did like loose skin. Exactly. And so I'm still trying to figure out, like I'm still trying to figure everything out, but I did become a hermit because of your face. So embarrassed. I just was like, I can't be seen like this. And so like there's a lot of photos of me where I'm like wearing sunglasses and stuff and everyone's like, oh, is this like your look now? Like people know, I mean, it looked like that ass. Yeah. It looked badass, but it was really because of my M-CAS. So can you, how can it be treated? Yes. Like yeah. Can you take an anti-histamine or steroids or what do they do? So for me, the anti-histamines weren't yes, that is the typical treatment. They take H1 and H2, anti-histamine, which is essentially like Zertek and Pepsi is what a lot of people take or like different variations of those. For me, as I said, my eyes are I'm already so dry that those dry me out even more. And they also I also didn't find a lot of success with them. And so I've

1:03:51done a lot of other things. I am someone that takes peptides. I do feel that those have helped me tremendously. You take a G.O.P. one or you take that one? Yeah. I take the anti-inflammatories. Oh my God. Okay. I had been wanting to talk to some, I was literally just talking about this on, I am on Patreon. Patreon.com slash Allison Rosa. Yes. I was just talking about this with my husband. I was explaining the gray market. And oh, yes. Can you play your phone? I'm sorry. I was just going to show you. I wanted you to be able to see the photos of my face swollen. So you can be like, Oh, yes, I want to see this here. Oh, wow. And if you swipe, you can see like I, it also made me look older in my opinion because it like created all these lines. Yeah. Oh, yeah, you, you, the first one is the most, I can see it in the other, but the first you really look like you've just like gotten out of a, like you've been waterlogged or something. Yeah, exactly. I look, I look like I drank, I think you're feeling irritated. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And my fate,

1:04:56yeah. So that's what happened to me. I just looked, it looked like I gained like 15 pounds, but just in my face. I'm stopped taking care of your skin. And stopped taking care of my skin. Here's another one. I just look like. Yeah. I just really swollen. Puffy. I know. And it was like that for months. So how did you get diagnosed? Did you, did I ask that? No, I went to a, I found an, oh, a showrunner of mine who has pots was like, I was posting in close friends, my swollen face. And she was like, it sounds like you have M cast. And then I looked up M cast. I was like, oh my god, I have M cast. And so I literally looked up specifically a doctor that dealt with Hashimoto's and M cast because I was like, I'm not just dealing with one thing. Right. So I went to him and he was like, yeah, you have M cast. So I also didn't like, I didn't do it before. It was just visual. Exactly. And going over all of my symptoms with him. So I do have to say like, so same thing with me with having endometriosis. I didn't do. I know in order to get the official diagnosis, you have to do that. They go in. But my doctors, my gynecologist was like, based off of all of your symptoms, I'm say, I like, I feel come in. I also did an MRI and had an

1:05:59endometrioma where they were like, you have the endometriosis. If that, so like, I just want to encourage people that like if you don't get the actual blood work or whatever, but you match literally every symptom. It's a good chance. It's the same thing we say in mental health. Like if you match everything for having no CD, then you probably have OCD. So endometriosis questions. So they see an endometrioma on your ovary. Yeah. And they're, are they just leaving it there? Yes. But I actually, this goes back to the peptides. I don't feel it anymore. Oh, so it might be gone. Okay. Because I had endometriomas and they went in and removed them and removed all the other stuff. And then like took, I didn't know they were doing this at the time. I didn't know that I was going to wake up with, you know, most of one of my ovaries gone, which is probably why I struggled with fertility in addition to endometriosis, but why I struggled with fertility so much. But I remember my fertility doctor saying that nowadays they don't automatically do this surgery. But when I had it in 2010, it was like an automatic. We got to get that out. Okay. So yes. Anyway, my husband and I on

1:07:05Bidron dot com slash Allison Rosen. We're talking about peptides and the gray market. He's like, where'd you get them? I'm like, I don't know. But on TikTok, people are constantly, you know, giving out the name of where they go and stuff. Okay. So you take like something else that's not a JLP one. Right. Because I'm taking the ones for like your gut not saying, I guess people have had success with JLP ones and stuff with with that. But I'm taking the BPC 157. That's one that's really good for inflammatory immune. I'm taking all the anti inflammatory immune system ones. So it's that I'm taking KPV, which a lot of people with M cast. I also asked online, like I asked on threads. Like what if you guys are taking peptides, people with M cast, what are you taking? So many people said KPV. So that's in mine as well. I take GHQCU, which is that the close that one I do. Well, I take or know that's the copper peptide one, right? Yeah. Yes. Yeah. And I needed it for my face. They're like, like I said, it was swollen and then it deflated. That's also why I don't necessarily want to go on a GLP one. Because I know even when you

1:08:09microdose, like, you know, I'm scared of the rapid weight loss, I guess. I just I'm scared of anything else affecting my face more than it's already been affected. Right. So wait, the glow one. I'm on clow actually. Okay. So it has one more. I might not sting. Yes. And I do it in my butt. I want you to know how I do it in my glute. I've been reading or hearing about people saying that, like, you know, it's amazing. But it the sting is so bad. Like how bad is it? No, no, no. So I was doing in my stomach. Don't do that. People still do it. I was doing in my stomach. It literally would bruise my stomach for two weeks. One injection. And you're injecting yourself every day. So what if you get? Oh, I thought it was like a weekly thing. Okay. Um, not mine. Yeah. People, you know, people are in different doses and different things. And I'm doing mine five times a week. I was initially doing it in my stomach. And it would bruise. And I hate bruises. Oh, I hate looking. I'm there. So disgusting. I was like, I don't even want to look at this. Hickeys turn my stomach. Yeah. No, no, no, like wounds or any any of that. I don't want any bruising. I also

1:09:15don't really like needles. I hate needles. So the fact that I'm doing this is insane. That's how badly I wanted to get help. Yeah. But it has been helping. It's helped. It's helped me a lot. Does your doctor know? So my doctor is the one that was suggested it. Okay. And so I could get my peptides. My first round of peptides, I got from him. They were very expensive. And then my second round, I got, if you go to any of the Beverly Hills dermatology places, like a nurse, they all have nurses, like that was my friend went to like a dermatology place. And she was like, this is what I get mine and they're cheaper. And so I sat down. I talked with a very well-versed nurse about what I had having Hashimoto's, how I wanted anti-inflammatory ones. We discussed it. And so I got my second round of peptides from them, which was cheaper. That's so interesting. I didn't realize that meds, bars and dermatology dermatologists were offering these kind of peptides. I knew that they were doing GLP. Yeah. But I didn't realize because my again, this is all via TikTok comments. That's

1:10:19my source of info on this. I thought people were just like ordering them from some lab. And China. My mom does do that. And she does like, she, one, she looks amazing. I'll show you a photo of my mom because she's just like, she's also a health nut person. But she does do that. But she's always like, she's looked, she's, you know, looked over all of the certifications and things on them. She like studies it. Right. So she is one of those people. Yeah. Interesting. So does it come in, is it powder and you constitute it? Yes. Every constant. When I got them at my doctors, though, I did it there. His like receptionist was showing me his patient coordinator. It was like, this how you do it. This how you inject yourself. So she was showing me there in my doctor's office. And then when I did it at the Beverly Hills, like the dermatology place I went to, they gave it to me, Constituated, I believe. No, no, no, they gave me the backwater that you constituted. But yeah, basically everywhere I'm going, they're teaching you how to do it. So you feel better now. I do. I do. I'm not flaring up as much. Like I can actually say, like, yes. And we

1:11:21started out slow. I will say if you have any autoimmune issues, you cannot jump in. I just named a bunch of stuff I was taking. I started out with one that I moved to two that I moved to three. Like I was just like slowly adding things on. Do you think of endometriosis as an autoimmune disease? Yeah. I mean, I heard that they're wondering if it is. Yeah. And I do feel like, like I was saying the peptides I'm taking. I can tell that I, it's not as painful. So something's happening. Right. Whether it's just lowering the inflammation in my uterus, but it's lowering the inflammation all throughout my body. So it has been helpful. But it's also like, it's so expensive to stay healthy. It really is. Yeah. Yeah. It's nuts. Yeah. Let's talk about in the static. Okay. This is a horror comedy short that you wrote. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Wrote and starred in. It premiered at La Lief. That's our big Latino International Film Festival. And I wrote it. It's about a little bit about gaslighting. It's a little, I wrote it because my grandparents left me a voice note that kept

1:12:28going. Like they didn't know it was still recording. Like a butt die of voice note. Yeah. And I was like, well, it was like, hi, Danny. You know, mom, I would love to hear from you. Okay. Bye. Donald, you know, like I could hear them still like talking. And I was like, oh my god. And it went on for like three minutes. And I was like, should I, I was just so nervous. Right. What are you going to hear? What am I going to hear? Should I am I going to hear something I'm not supposed to hear? Am I going to hear something about myself that might hurt me? Should I never to answer? Not just that, but like, I don't know the, the, the choices I've made in my life. I'm also queer. Like I said, my family is very Catholic. And so I don't know. I was just like, I don't want to hear anything that like I'm not supposed to hear. And so I made a short about like that paranoia of like our people talking about me. Are my coworkers talking about me? And I feel like that's relatable. It's, you know, it's like when you're talking to someone at a party and then you walk away and like the group is still there. Yes. Are they saying something? Or when you walk up and everyone's laughing? Literally. So I read this synopsis. It's that someone in a sees an experiment they weren't

1:13:33supposed to see. Is that right? Their office is laboratory. And so they take time off. And this is their first day back at work. And so she's slowly, it was also kind of the Twilight Zone is one of my favorite shows of all time. It's probably why I became a writer to be honest. And it's kind of this bizarro. She starts hearing her coworkers talking about her and her electronics. And so they're very nice to her face. So it's like kind of confusing. Like is she going crazy? Wait, she hears, sorry, where is she hearing people talk about her? In her electronics. So like her radio and her radio. She can hear them like. Yeah. Exactly. So like she sees them on a smoking break and and they're like waving high to her and they're all talking. But in her car radio, she can hear what they're actually talking about. And so it's kind of this level of paranoia. I feel I do have, I feel a lot of things I make or about my level of paranoia that I have. How do you deal with feeling paranoid? I think I have to reality check a lot. I learned that when I was in intensive.

1:14:34There are a lot of, you know, after my suicide attempts, I've learned so many coping skills. And one of them was reality testing. And what is that? And so essentially it's one is to not think in absolutes. So it's like, I'll never find love. So you reality test that. Can I say that for certain? No. Sometimes when you're being a brat, it's like, yes, I can. But can I say that for certain? No. You know, can I give three reasons why? Well, one, I did fall in love. Getting your distance from really strong feelings that feel so real at the time. Have you heard of her name as Byron Katie? Yeah. Byron Katie. Yeah. Yeah. What's the exact book? It's called like, yes, true or something like that. And in fact, she has a great app that I use to reality. She on her on Byron Katie's app, I think, I don't know if it's the loving what is. That's one of her books. But she has reality testing on the app that I've literally used when I used to spiral. Yeah. And so it has your reality test put your, what are you thinking? I'll never get work again. What are, is that absolutely true? No. What are three ways that I know that that's

1:15:39not true? Well, I just got hit up about this or I got this audition or whatever. You're doing it in real time. Yeah. I've done that. I'm just realizing we had an open thread over here. You were saying that you got the job at the ice house. Yes. So you went there. You gave them your resume. Yeah. They hired you. Yeah. And I'm so glad that I went in person because they said like, yeah, over a hundred, maybe 150 people applied to work the door, which sounds crazy. I think in other states, but in our town, it's like everybody just wanted proximity. I actually had an epiphany. It seems so obvious, but I had a bit of an epiphany last night, which relates to the like going in person, like actively pursuing something. I was just thinking about my inbox and how many people are contacting me and how many things I need to respond to and how, you know, maybe I got hit up about a guest a long time ago. And I forgot to get back to them. But if they were to prompt me again, they will, you know, cut through the noise and like, and how I, I kind of need that push.

1:16:42And everyone's inbox is like that at this time. However, when I'm the one who is trying to like pitch myself or trying to get somewhere, I just assume if I don't hear back, it's because they, you know, didn't want me. They gave it thought and they didn't want me. I never think about the fact that or maybe it's that there's like a hundred emails that are just sitting, you know, and like in this day and age, everyone is so overwhelmed with just the sheer number, just the noise and the number of electronic, all the electronic messages and things that if you want something to happen, you really have to be persistent and push it forward. And you can't assume that a lack of response means anything. Of course. It felt like an epiphany to me because I am someone who's so, I don't want to be pushy, you know. Me too. I do, I do 100% fill that way. And I feel weird following up like my friends that follow up about jobs. I'm like, but if you got the job surely, they would tell you they're not going to not tell you that you were hired, you know. And if they

1:17:45can't get a hold of you, they would surely like try other means to get a hold of you if you were hired. I think it, do you mean like getting cast and something? Well, no, like also my friends that submit for right, like, you know, that we submit on these shows to write on these shows. And I'm like, if you don't hear back, I feel like that's typically. Yeah. I'm not one of those people that sends the follow up. Thank you. Right. Because I'm just like, that's just another email in their inbox. I know. It's hard to know. I can say though as someone who has been in like a hiring position, but not for like, not the kind of jobs we're talking about. If someone, like, if someone really wanted to work with me and they let me know that and then they followed up, that would move the needle. Yeah. I will say I do that with. So because I am a writer and an actor, I'll do, I just found out like I didn't get this writing fellowship that I wanted. So then I followed up with like, okay, great. Just so you know, I'm also an actor. Yeah. When you guys are casting for this, I would love to be considered. I would, I always say I would love to audition for you because I don't want to

1:18:48assume anything. Right. Let me audition. I would love to, you know, I'd be honored to put somebody on tape for you or something. And so then they did. They followed up on where they can we see your real. That's awesome. Yeah. It's funny. People will email me and they'll say, and it's usually people who are like, I already know, but not well. And they're people who would naturally come on my podcast. So it's not like a weird parent, but they'll just say, can I come on your podcast to talk about XYZ? And usually, you know, oftentimes I'll say yes, because like, it's a good guest. Just today, I was reaching out to a podcast that I have been on before and for like a year now, we've been trying to like set up another appearance, you know? And I even have them and I'm like, Hey, you know, would still love to come on to talk about this or that or the things we already talked about me. And the last email was like, we're going on tour, but let's do this later this year. But you know, hey, would still love to come on to talk about this. And I think I had written like, you know, if you need a guest and then I erased that.

1:19:53But I was thinking like, I can't just say, Hey, can I come on? Even though people say it to me, if it feels so, I don't know, like it makes me feel uncomfortable. I'm the same way. I'm this way. And so like I think when I hit you up was because somebody had hit me. Yes. We had a mutual. But, but I think that did I, I think I risk you posted a story. Yeah. And you know, that was a yes to me. Yes. Yeah. You didn't just hit me up out of nowhere. No, no, no. Yeah. So people don't know. So the way that you're on my show is you were doing, I was talking to you in a, yeah, exactly. I was doing a Q&A. And then someone who is a fan of my show and who I believe is also one of my Patreon people, patreon.com. So Shazam, isn't it? Made this happen. Yes. Made this happen. Said to you, will you go on Alice and show? And I said, I would love to. Yeah. I think he said, I would love to hit her up or something or something. But I was tagged in it. Yeah. I was tagged in it. Yeah. Right. So then you, and then, and so I tagged you, I think I tagged you. And then you followed me. And then we, I think we're going to hit you. And then you didn't say,

1:20:55can I come on? You're like, Hey, we'd love to come on. If you need, I think you said something. Sure. Similar. Like we'd love to come on. If you need some, if that interests you or something. Yeah. Or if we align or yeah. If you think, oh, I think if you think it's a good idea. If you're a tourist. Yeah. So I think you said, I do this. I do that too. Yeah. To protect myself. Yeah. What does it take to just say, can I come on? Oh my god. I don't even, but I don't think it, here's the thing. You're the approach that you and I have versus the can I come on. I don't think there's a different effect. But it's just like, to be able to just like be so like, I'm okay. If I, I don't know why I can't say, can I? It feels like too much. I just feel like actually though, it does, I feel like our approach is better. Maybe I do. Because when I, so when I sold my show, like the amount of people that wrote me, like congratulations, I would love to, and I'm like, no, please. Yeah. I want to immediately, like I would love to be considered. I would like, but then I'd be in your show. But then it's like, oh, so you didn't really mean the congratulations. Right. These should be two separate. You should

1:21:55say congratulations. And then hit me up on a month. I just want to tell you all that's, that's the secret is like congratulations. I'm so happy for you, bubble. Wait a month. Right. Because nothing's happening the first month anyways. Right. Everybody, you know, and then when you're staffing or casting or whatever. Yeah. But the congratulations, can I be, I would love, you know, can I be in it? Can I be in your room? Do you guys need another writer? And then it's like, wow, okay. That just feels like someone found out that you like won the lottery and they're just asking for a hand out. But that's how a lot of people are. Yeah. It's very transactional. It's very transactional. Yeah. So you get the job at, oh my god. I think we are really gabbing. Oh my gosh. And we have segments too. Okay. So we'll go through the career real fast. And then we'll do the segments. Um, get the job with the ice house. Yeah. And then what happened? Get the job at the ice house. I started to do, I stayed, stand up for a couple of years. And I was, um, uh, yeah, I get the job at ice house. And, um, I ended up being a writer's assistant. And I fell into hosting because they, oh, they just want people that can do improv. You know, on the red carpet and stuff. So I was hosting,

1:22:58I hosted a little bit for you. I hosted for Disney. I just fell into hosting. I just was funny. I could read a teleprompter and I could be auditioning for things. And then how did that go? A little bit. Yeah. I auditioned for my nervous shows. I had two shows at Nerdist back when it had shows and stuff. Um, or, no, like, like on YouTube. Okay. On YouTube. Yeah. So they had a lot of popular, a lot of popular shows. Nerdist was huge. Yeah. Um, yeah. When I was coming up. And so I, um, I had these nerd shows and I did audition for those. Yeah. And they picked me. And so then I, one was called fan girline. And so it was a roundtable of women. And we would bring in nerdy game designers and the O artists and stuff like that. And so, yeah. So fell into hosting. Finally got my job writing. That was a whole reason I moved out here. It was via TV writer. And it actually happened the same day that I sold my show. Oh wow. It just felt like I couldn't get staffed to save my life. Because what happened was the, the dark comedy pilot that I wrote,

1:24:00that I ended up selling that got me staffed. People would bring me in. And they're like, you're a great writer. Like, I love this. Love the dark comedy. We need someone with two to three years of room experience. And I'm like, how am I supposed to get two to three years of room? Yeah. If I can't, like, yeah. Everybody said that. So the person that took a chain, there were two women that took a chance on, well, three women. One was Erica Canare. She was at Berlanti. So Berlanti did like the Aeroverse Greg Berlanti for anyone at home that doesn't know. Um, famous producer Greg Berlanti. She was at Berlanti. Amy Chosek, who was a New York Times reporter. Uh, she created Girls on the Bus, which was the first show that I wrote on. And Julie Plyck, who is a, she created Vampire Diaries. She's a amazing, huge showrunner. They all, they all read my script and brought me in. Took a chance on me. I did not have two to three years of writing experience. And they just, they, but it was in the script. Yeah. Um, and so that was my first staffing job. And, but yeah. And so that same day was the day that I found out I sold my show.

1:25:00And when I tell you, I was like five hours earlier spiraling off my ass, because I had just gotten another rejection. It was another person like, sorry, we can't hire you. I didn't know I had sold my show. And I was, I, I believe in manifesting. So I thought for sure, by then, I would have sold it. I didn't hear back from HBO Max. I was crying. Like I was literally on the floor crying. My manager kept calling me. I was like, I cannot talk to you right now. I was like, I can, I'm like, I'm sobbing. I'm, I was going to be like, I'm not. And I'm just like, I can't be in this business anymore. Like, that was me. And she was like, dude, I am, I am, I am calling you because you sold your show. I was like, oh my God, I did. She said, you have to go to this meeting. You have to go to this interview with Julie Pleg and I was like, I can't, my eyes are swollen. And I literally, I showed up my eyes were swollen. I think I cried in her. I think I cried in my interview with her. Because of everything that was going on at the time, I just, and anyways, it's so it was wild. What I'm saying is like from a woo, whatever spiritual universal, like I was knocking on this door

1:26:03that wouldn't open. And then all of a sudden it opened everything on the same day. It was so interesting. Weird. I got my writing gig the same day I sold my show. That's not normal. No. Something happened. What did you do that night? You're ever? I, oh, after I, I mean, I just, you know what? I know why. I think another reason why I got that gig and it's why I think a lot of actors get gigs when they're like, fuck it. I'm not, fuck out. I don't care. I'm not fucking getting this. Like one of my friends literally quit the business. He did an apartment swap. He was moving and his agents got him audition on a huge show. And he was like, I'm going to go out of respect for you. But I'm fucking moving. I'm not living here anymore. I'm leaving. He didn't give two, sorry, I've been cousin. It's fine. Yeah. Yeah. He was like, I don't give two fucks. And he showed up and he got the job because he, because you're coming in. Yeah. The opposite of desperate. Yeah. It's the opposite. It's so interesting. That's how I was going into the interview to write on this show

1:27:03was like, I just sold a show. Yeah. I don't, you know, right. And so I was just myself a thousand percent. And I got hired. That's so awesome. So you wrote on girls on the bus. Yes. Yeah. What was that? It was originally when I was on it. It was at Netflix. And it was about women, different generations of women in journalism. And it also our room started before the pandemic. And then it went virtual during the pandemic. And then it also did not survive over at Netflix. It moved to HBO Max. Did it air? Yes. Yeah. It's on HBO Max. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then it unfortunately was canceled. And so like I was on two other brilliant T shows that I wrote on. These were all Warner Brothers shows that also didn't survive. And so I feel like my IMDB is sparse. It's not as, it's not as like stacked as it as it would be. So like my resume, I have all this like writing experience. And my showrunner is always vouch for me. But like, yeah, I've written on things that just don't exist. So then what'd you do from there? Now, were you doing comedy? Were you doing like comedy?

1:28:06Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I did do stand up for several years. Yeah. When I first moved out here, fell into the stand up. Also dated a stand up, which I know everyone's like, that was something I was warned when I was young young woman starting out in comedy. But he was the sweetest guy. I feel like there's four of them and it was it was Mark Ellis. Oh, okay. Yeah. So we dated for three years. And honestly dating him, I realized like, Oh, I, this is a means to an end for me. What I mean is like, I wanted to be a writer. I wanted to like a lot of the stand-ups I meet, they just want to do stands. Yes. They don't want to be in a writers room. They don't want to submit the packet. They don't write the script. They don't want to do that. And so he would be like showering to go out and do his set when I was showering to go to bed. And I was like, Oh, I'm just, I'm doing this to be seen. But this isn't like that passion. Yeah. Where's all the other stand? I was like, Oh, this is your life. Like, and so that made me real. And also, I don't know how stand like at the time my friend Josh Gondelman, he was also one of the stand-ups who would like,

1:29:08he would be in Ohio all weekend, wake up and go first thing in the morning to the writers room. I'm like, what are you? Right. He was writing on John. He was on Oliver, right? And then he was on Deezis and Merrill. And so at the time, I was just like, how are y'all, I barely have any energy being in my writers room. How are you guys then going to perform in all night? Well, he's a coke addict. Yes, exactly. He's a coke addict. And it doesn't know who started that. We're gonna be funny if it was him. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Josh Gondelman is probably on the show again. Yes. He's like the sweetest guy. His thing is giving pep talks online. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Sweetest, nicest, like nice guys as persona. So someone I think it maybe was Paul Ftonk. Who said yes? He started his room where he's a giant coke addict. And that has had a life of it. So he can start, oh my god, what's that? Like a change.org petition. That's so funny. I feel like there was some sort of maybe it was something like that change. Or a position I had to do with his coke usage. I might be making that.

1:30:08No, it's crazy how these stand-ups are doing are out. Like, and I'm just telling you straight up with my autoimmune stuff. I was like, no, burning the candle of both ends. I was burning myself. But yeah, so I dated Mark. I can say he, like, yeah, I consider him, Paul, Josh. There's like maybe four or five, like really, like, and what I mean is like, I have known them for years. I've known Mark obviously because I dated him. He is who he is. He is the sweetest guy. Right. And really another great male role model in my life to make up for my shitty dad. So he was just there for me 100% and we are still very close friends because of that. But when I was dating him, I was like, oh, I don't want to do the stand-up the way that you do. Where's the good realization? Yeah. Where's like, if they won the lotto, they would just do stay at like, you know what I mean? I was like, I win the lotto. And actually, if I won the lotto, I would just want to make my movies to be honest. So that's how I get started. So that's where your heart is now making me writing and directing? Yeah. Writing and directing. And start.

1:31:08Yeah. Some of them, some of them aren't for me. So I'm, yeah, but a couple of them are just so personal that I just can't imagine. I basically wrote myself. So yeah, when you wrote, when you wrote in the stand, what made you decide to do a short? And how long is it? It's actually very short. So it was longer. It was like 15 to 20 minutes and we got it down to 10 because I learned in the festival circuit that if you can have a 10-minute short, it's very easy for them to program, like 10, 10, 10. Got it. So it was a short short and I think it's a good proof of concept. That makes a lot of sense. Heavily wrecked. And you know, it was just my friends and I shot, we shot it in my manager's office at the time, Roy and I had the same manager and we shot it in their office. And it has great like Oscar Montoya from Minks is in it. Chris Renfrow from Queer's Folk. Like it was just my friends that, you know, agreed to be in it. And but then when we watched it and it did so well, I was like, oh, this could be a film.

1:32:10So I have another horror short that I'm making this year. This one I'm directing. And I directed on another, the comic shop, which was a viral show, a web series that like took off and they raised like over $200,000 on Kickstarter, which is not normal. And so yeah, I got to direct on that and I was in that too. And so just kind of moved over to directing. I think being a writer, it's just like I have a vision. I have a vision. And then you're telling the director your vision. Like you're like, no, no, no, and then when they turn, they need and then when they, you know, in a horror, you're like, and then they turn and they see it needs to be this exact second. So like that's directing. Yeah. You know, and so I was giving my director like, okay, I want it to feel it was like certain shots from it follows. I was giving them certain shots from paranormal activity. And I'm like, oh, this is what a director does. It's come up. I was the first time I read a feature script. I was actually surprised at how much direction for lack of a word is in there, describing

1:33:12the exact shot and then, you know, the close up on this and then this and then like this happens. And I didn't, I think I thought maybe it was more like, it would read more like a play or something. Yeah. I didn't realize how much writers are really in charge of the whole thing. But that was probably someone maybe that was directing it too. Or maybe possibly I don't think he was. Okay. I think he went on to direct. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There you go. Typically because honestly, now when I read my screen, it's almost like I'm telling the director what to do. Yeah. You know, hopefully me, but if it sells to and they want someone else with more whatever directing experience, it's just like, it is funny because I'm literally telling the director like, you know, some directors don't like that. I would imagine. Yeah. But I'm always writing it with the thought that I'm the right. Right. So let's talk about words, but I do have to ask because I realized you said this and then I didn't ask. You said that you're queer. Yes. But you've also mentioned men that you've dated.

1:34:14So are you? So what does queer mean? I'm by. Okay. I'm bisexual. And it's mainly just because I feel like I, you're right. I have, I married a man and then I came out as by after that. Had you only, when did you realize? You know, it's so, this is very, okay. I'm just, you know what? I'm very, I'm an open book. I would watch porn of girls going down on each other and I just, I still think everyone does that. Maybe that could be my, does everyone do that thing? I have a different one. But like, I liked watching women. I thought everyone did that. And I just think women are more attractive. I can't imagine now looking back on like how was I ever trying to be straight? I think women are so hot. They're just, I just think like a lot of times, especially in, we have this, you know, kind of joke in the queer community that a lot of straight relationships. It's like a 10 woman and like a guy that's like a four. I've seen it. Probably when you go to your high school reunion, you probably see a lot, you know? And so, and it's never in reverse.

1:35:17It's never in reverse. So yeah. So I, I think I came out, it was sometime around when I moved here and it was a slow coming out. It was just, it was just kind of like, yeah, I just, I think I've read as buy or I code it like, you know, and like I said, I have like masculine or what some people consider masculine features with my jaw and it helped me lean into that actually. Probably the Gemini in me. I'm like, I always joke that I'm buy and Gemini. And so it is weird because like I said, these psychics are like your person. I think what I mean is like, I've dated men and women. I've hooked up with both. I see myself at least this, what I can see is like possibly settling down, settling down with a guy although I'm open. It's like whoever I fall in love with. Right. But that's kind of what I see and I don't think that makes me not buy. But for some reason it is different for women. It's like if you settle, if you settle in with a guy, then you're, you're suddenly less

1:36:18buy whereas if, if a, if a, if a man and he sucks some dick and he's ate some pussy, like people like, no, he's buy. There's no way you suck a dick and you're not, you know, in your straight. Yeah. No, they'd be like, no, he's gay. Yeah, he's gay because they, so right. Whereas, yeah, a little woman on woman stuff on doesn't count. Isn't that interesting? Yeah. It is. But we, it's also in our community though, like being other, yeah. So it's coming, it's the, the call is coming from in the house where I don't, I don't really know how straight people feel about it or care, but like queer people will feel like we're not queer enough. So do you feel a pressure to not settle down with a man? No, I just feel, no. And I want to say I don't feel pressure at all because I know myself and I know my sexual history and I know what I'm attracted to. And honestly, if Selma Hayek ever, I have this running joke. If she's listening, she is my, everyone's like, who's your dream, who's your dream partner, Selma Hayek, please? I'm like, I will be your pool boy because I know she's married to like this billionaire.

1:37:21One day me and her will meet. But yeah, I don't feel pressure. I just feel like I'm not, it's kind of what I said, like I'm not going out of my way to have a baby. So I mean, someone's going to have to, if I marry a woman, then I guess she's the one I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, I'm just kind of staying open, I guess. I feel like that's very honest. Yeah, that's very honest to just, you know, whoever you, whoever you meet, take it as it comes. Exactly. I think that's great. Yeah. All right. Let's do words. Okay. All right. Is there a word that you like? Yes, I love the word ethereal. Oh, that is such a good word. And I feel like I've been using it so much that I'm almost using it wrongly. So to me, like ethereal, okay.

1:38:24Do you remember Muppet's Christmas Carol? Yes. I think it was the first puppet that was like creepy. Aetherial was like transcendent, flowy. Is it like a woman? Yeah, but it's like this creepy, watery, airy puppet. I'm having trouble remembering which was the first one. I think I know. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. It was like this little bit ethereal. It is a, like I think that is ethereal. Yeah. Literally like the airy, like translucent, like that to me is a theory. Like I know people use it like ethereal beauty. I'm using it so much that like I use it as like airy. Okay. And by that I mean, and I'm saying this as a professional writer, that I'm like using it so much that I'm using it wrongly. Well, okay. I have to say it comes from the, it comes from the Greek word aetherious, which is what? Which is upper air. It's like the upper air that the gods would breathe. Okay. And so that's kind of how I use it as, and what I mean is like, well, sometimes I talk about like my flaky friends, and I was just venting about a friend of mine who I'm like,

1:39:27yeah, she always wanted to make plans, but like they're just like, and I'm always, I'm always, it's just like a theory. Like it's just like the plans are up there. Yeah. They're just, that's like how I've been using it, which is atmosphere. Yeah, they're not. Yeah. And you need to like pull them down and heal them and like give me a day. They're up with your baby. They're up with my baby. Yeah. So that's how I've been using it, even though I know it's like mainly if you're. No, but I feel like that works. Okay. Floating. Floating, sort of like. Yeah. Yeah. You know, airy, like, yeah, it's just like, oh, this like, this like delusional, like, oh, we're going to meet someday. Like type of like, let's grab coffee sometime. Yeah. And like that's how I've been using it is like this a theory. Oh, no, I'm the one that like grabs it, puts it down and makes it concrete. Makes it concrete. Right. Yes. Okay. I like that a lot. All right. Here. Let's do just me or everyone. Sometimes I wonder all something I have thought I've done is just me. Or everyone. All right. What is yours? Mine is, this is embarrassing.

1:40:30This sounds like I'm trying to flex, but I'm not at all. It's actually from shame. I always tip no matter what. Like if I'm, if there's a tip option and I'm just buying a water bottle, I tip. Oh, really? Like if I get take out, there are people that don't tip with take out. I'm very confused about that. I guess I, here's the part that I'm confused about. I don't know how to take out. I do think you should tip something, exactly. But is it like tipping on a drink or are you supposed to tip a percentage and is it the same, it feels wrong to me that it would be the same percentage as if you ate at the restaurant. I guess so, but I don't, but tipping less just feels, I just feel like I'm spitting in the shed space. Yeah, I know. Like an asshole. Yeah. And so literally I was checking out at the airport and I was getting like a bar and a water bottle and it had the option to tip and I tipped because I'm just like, I don't, I never not tip if they're like, I know people don't. I don't think that's everyone. Okay. I think that's probably more people than just you for sure. Yeah. I, um, would you tip if you were getting a water bottle and a bar at the airport checkout?

1:41:34No. Okay. But if, typically I would not. Yeah. But if the person is really friendly and nice to me, then sometimes I'll be like, I'm going to make their day. And it's like, and I always feel like, are they, do they know though? They see, I hope they see, you know, yeah. Um, so I typically don't though on a transaction that you would not normally tip on, I usually don't. Okay. I am irritated by, I think the software does automatically does. Yes it does. And I'm irritated by the fact that like I end up sort of shamefully walking away feeling like, I'm sorry. I like you, but I just, I didn't tip on this water bottle. Yeah. That's why I do, that's why I do it. Yeah. Because I feel shame. I totally do. I feel like I want to be like, you're perfectly nice. I appreciate this, but it's a water bottle. It's a water bottle. Yeah. It's a protein bar. Yeah. But I, you always do. Yeah, because I don't, because like I've had a couple of looks sometimes when I didn't and I was like, oh, and also like I felt so stupid when I did the, when I did it for

1:42:34the water bottle in the bar at the, at the airport checkout because it was like 10 cents. Yeah. Because I only, what I bought was like five dollars. Oh wait a minute. You were at, at the bar. No, no, no, not at the, at the bottle. At the, like, little store. Yeah. You know, like when you're like, Burbank airport, you're walking by. There's a kiosk. Yeah. I mean, at the kiosk, I got a water and I got a protein bar. Oh, yeah. And then it has a tip, but it has a tip. No, and of course it does. And so I do. I also just assume the person doesn't want to do that job. So as I think another thing, I'm like anyone that works in service, like they don't want to do this. So I'm always like, yes. That's right. Nice of you. But I feel, I will tell you the one time I didn't do it, it was for my peptides. The dermatology place, they had a tip. That's wrong. I know. It's a medical service. Yeah. And so I asked my girlfriend, she was the one that recommended the place. I'm like, did you tip? I feel so bad. Also, like they were so expensive that I was like, if I tip 20%, 20%, that's like insane. Yes. And it was just like a consult, like you're a nurse. I thought we weren't, because I did have someone come to my place and give me a B12

1:43:36shot. It was like through my insurance. I like, it's one of those things where the, the, the mobile, whatever unit comes and they gave me a B12 shot. And I tried to give her a 20 and she was like, oh, Mike, like she was like, no, I'm a nurse. Like they were so offended. Like we don't take, okay, you know, the idea, see, this is where, this is where, this is where it hurts my head. The idea that actually in certain circumstances, tipping can be regarded as rude. Right, right, right. Which I know it can, in fact, my, the injector that I go to is a nurse practitioner. And the person before me who was coming out before I went in, like tried to give her a tip, she was like, no, no, no, she's like, it's actually, I think she's like, she said like medical, they're not actually, like, you're not, you're not supposed to tip. But the nicest thing you can do if you like it, you know, the service is just leave a nice review. Right, right. But she said it in a way where it was like, oh, like she, I don't think she said it's rude. She might have even said like, it's seen as rude. I don't know. I can't, she's so polite. I can't imagine she would have said it's rude. Right.

1:44:36But that was the sense I got. Yeah, yeah. And I was just like, few because I wasn't going to anyway. I'm not a nistic circumstance. Yeah. But like, so I tried to give the B12 lady a 20 and she was like, oh my god, no, like I'm a nurse. Like I don't, I'm like, oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Of course. So then when I peptide nurse, it's a nice gesture. Sure. But then when my peptide nurse person, like I, I didn't. And then she was kind of rude after, she was kind of rude after. So then I called my friend because I was so in my head. This is why I tip. Why be in my head? I was so in my head and I asked my friend, like, did you tip her? And she was like, no, it's, it's a medical service. I don't out of principle, she said. So confusing. The other thing I was just thinking about this, this is a bit of a just me or everyone. If I tip someone, if it's like a regular thing and I tip them a certain amount, like a hair person or whatever, okay. Yeah, yeah. I feel like once I've set the bar, you can't ever go under it because they will interpret that as you being unhappy with the service. Yeah. And that is like a mind fuck for me because I'm like, I got to check like going back in

1:45:39bed. I gave last time and I wear all the same. Yeah, I get my, the guy who straightens my hair, I get Japanese straightening, he is Japanese and he owns the salon that I go to. Now growing up, or my mom would say, you don't tip the owner of the salon. I don't really know why though. Okay. But the one thing the idea is because the owner isn't giving their part of their money to anyone versus someone who's renting. So I always tip him, but he owns it and he's Japanese where there's no tipping. Oh, okay. So I'm like, I wonder if he's like, this American idiot. It wasn't sane when I went to Greece how it was traumatizing how little they tip. Like I just, I was like, I can't do, out of principle, I cannot put two dollars. Did you not feel liberated by it? No, I actually felt like sick. I was like, I can't leave you two dollars. You like made my meal and serve me like I just can't do it. I can't do it. So it's pretty easy to leave a tip. And they kept coming out with like, to keep your extra.

1:46:40Oh, no, no. Every time we would tip, they're like, no, my God. Oh, my God. Because it would be like 20 bucks, which is like kind of nothing for us. And especially here in LA, it's like that, that's good. That's like a low amount to tip. Right. They would come out with to kill a shot for my friend. And they're like, oh, and they're all like, we'd all take shots together. It was so funny just because they we tipped well, right? Which was like 20 bucks. So yeah, tipping is just for someone who has a little bit of anxiety. It's just too confusing. It is. There's just too many ways it can go. I'm worried about people interpreting it, meaning something. Yeah. Okay. Full disclosure, you know who I don't tip and I feel bad about it. Our dog groomer. Okay. Is that a situation where I feel like you have, I feel like it's the same as like a hair stylist. See, that makes me, I gave her a really good, but she has to own her own her business. Yes. Yes. Well, that's the same as my hair guy though. Right. But it's just like, it's so expensive. Yeah.

1:47:41That I just, but then there's probably someone who's like, well, if you can't afford the tip, don't get your dog's groom. Which I understand, but I gave her a really nice Christmas bonus gift tip thing. And so I'm like, I'll just be the person who like does it annually. Yeah. But I always do feel a little bit like, I hope this is not being neg. I hope the fact that I'm not tipping is not being negatively interpreted. Yeah. I'm the same way and that's why I tip on everything. Yeah. Yeah. All right. And then lastly, would you like to tell anyone or anything? Go fuck yourself. Yes. People that are weird when I don't drink. What the fuck is that? I don't drink either. Why does that bother people? Yeah. Do people give you a hard time? I don't go out that much. Okay. And I feel like more and more people I know have now additional people have stopped drinking as well.

1:48:42So let me get to talk about that. Yeah. So no, but I'm trying to remember like back in the day where I would be in bars a lot. I feel that people are so focused on themselves. They sometimes don't even notice. Yeah. That was my experience. So no, I have not had people give me a hard time about it. Like I would have expected that they would. Yeah. But you do. Yeah. And they're just, I don't know, I've heard from a lot of different people that it's like, oh, well, they feel insecure about drinking. But I'm like, I don't care. Right. Like I was friends with people you're on a date with or no, it's normally like acquaintances. Like if I'm at a wedding. Oh, God. And I'm not drinking. And then it's like some guy at the bar like, oh, why aren't you drinking? Yeah. And like, you know, it becomes a whole thing. And it's, yeah, I just, it's because of my auto. Like I literally showed you my face being swollen. Like I'm not chancing anything. Right. Right. With my health. And so I'm just like, if there's anything inflammatory that I can remove from my roster. But I loved when I was drinking. I love drinking.

1:49:42Like I didn't have, you know, an issue with it. And I drank a lot in college. I wish I could still drink. That's the thing too is like because of my autoimmune stuff, I also, there's certain things I can't eat. And that also bothers people. What can't you eat? Well, I don't have gluten anymore because of my thyroid. I don't have dairy. And people will be like, Danny doesn't like cake. I'm like, Danny loves cake. Danny loves cake. Danny can't eat cake. And those are two different things. Yeah. So yeah, people are just so, I remember, you know, I was in Texas, which I'm sure they're moving now more towards gluten free stuff. But at the time it was like, I was in some restaurant. I didn't realize they were known for their bread. And they were just like, you don't, you don't want any? Like the woman was so confused. She was like, you just, you don't want to. I was like, no, I, I, I can't have any, you know, I was just trying to explain to like, oh, I love this. This is great. Like I can't have this, you know, but it was just so mind-bop-loom to her that I wouldn't eat the bread. Yeah, it's just really, but people take it really personally. Yes. The drinking thing they take very personally. Right. And I'm sure it's guys that are trying to like get with me or hit on me or trying to

1:50:44like, you know, I don't know, maybe if it's like the social version of like not taking your coat off. Yeah. And that's how they see it or something. Which also, let me leave my coat off. I know. I know. Someone who can wear a coat, I agree. I'm cold. We have thyroid issues. Yeah. You know what? People who have to get all up in your business over the drinking and the bread and the cake. Hey, hey, hey, go fuck yourself. Truly. Danny, it was so delightful having you on the show. I'm so glad that we made this happen. Yeah. Tell everyone where they can find you, what you want them to check out. Yeah. So I'm at Ms. Danny Fernandez. It's MSDANI, F-E-R, N-A-N-D-E-Z. On Instagram, I deleted my Twitter. And you can watch in the static. It finished up. It's festival run. So now it's on YouTube. You can just look up in the static or Bruchita. That's my production company. So yeah, it's on there. Go check it out. Especially for horror season, Halloween spooky season. I think I'm going to go watch it later today. Yeah. I need to see.

1:51:44I need to see. Yeah. No, no. I find out what the experiment was. No. No. That's no. That's something that I don't mind. Yeah. Okay. So you're catching her on her first day back. Got it. So yeah, it is more of a short that to tickle us before hopefully a feature. Yeah. Yay. And I would like to remind everyone, Patreon. Patreon.com slash Allison Rosen. Also, I'm on Substack. Substack. So please find me those places if you like what you're hearing. And even if you don't, tell your friends, leave a comment, leave a review. Click five stars. It helps out the show. Follow me everywhere. Oh, this, what we're recording right now on YouTube, YouTube.com slash Allison Rosen. I've started putting more and more episodes. I've been doing, I've reluctantly returned to video. So please subscribe, follow, comment, etc. There as well as all the other places. Thank you again.

1:52:45Listeners, thank you for listening. I love you. You matter. Goodbye. Hey, do you know how the Allison Rosen show? We had a good time, but now we gotta go. Yeah, Allison Rosen is your new best friend. Today or night, Verbo care is here 24-7 to help make every part of your stay seamless. If anything comes up or you simply need a little guidance, support is ready whenever you reach out. From the moment you book to the moment you had home, we're here to help things run smoothly. As a great trip starts with the right support. And hey, a good playlist doesn't hurt either.

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