David Gborie & Langston Kerman are Mommy & Daddy

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1:24Virtual Care 24-7. Healthcare just got less painful. Wave. Were you bigger than everybody else even in high school? What did you say? You're a tall person. You're a tall person. You're a tall person. This is so scary for me. One more time? Folks, what a pickle I've gotten myself into. I'm wondering how I got here. I've always thought about straight people that the thing was that the woman is beautiful and effervescent and charming and the man is a troglodyte. Well, that's like an ugly, untarmed, but that's been my experience. I will say at least where I grew up, that was most of the relationships I saw. Yeah, it was like a woman who was beautiful and took care of herself and a man who looked like dog shit all the time. Wasn't nice, didn't have a great job.

2:26Bad one. But he was hard working, I bet. Sure. Yeah, he had a pretty troglodyte. Yeah. But he had a pretty good share. But he was. How did he show it? You ever see him hit a baseball in high school. Yeah, he did high school. That was the last time he was a dude. Yeah, that's the last thing anymore. He was actually scared to pick up that baseball bat because he's afraid he won't be the man that he thought he was. That happened to us two weeks ago, a month ago. Yeah, we went to hit baseballs. You found out that you weren't the man that you thought you were? 100%. Not at the batting. 100%. Not at the batting. You wouldn't believe the Lord that I had built in my head of how powerful I was going to be behind that. With every swing, I thought those balls were going to go flying. If I just chose to pick up the bat. Yeah. But then you picked up the bat. And then you realized how fast the balls are coming. And we're on the slowest one. We were on the softball cage. We're on the softball cage. Those balls are going, there's zoom in past you. High art. High art. Kind of floating into the pocket.

3:30Really landing gently right in the back zone. You can read the labels on the balls as they come towards you and I'm still missing every time. Big ass, big ass. Big ass. Big ass. Big ass. It felt like a humiliation, Rich. And you should say this was his bachelor party weekend. So I'm meeting a bunch of men I've never met before. And then doing this in front of them. And then doing this in front of them and taking ails, doll. Everybody was. Everybody. Because you said the funniest thing. You were like, yeah, I'm not going to think about that all weekend. I've never met these men. His brothers and little tiny Bing Bong motherfuckers. Yeah. My brother is so buff. Yeah. They're like little springs. Yeah. They were. What is this straight guy? I'm wondering if the picking up the bat and finding out you're not the man you thought you were in the gay community. There's this idea that like at a certain age you either put on the wig or hit the weight room. Do you know about this? Oh, no. It's like I'm forgetting the exact phrasing but it's like you either start, you put on the

4:32wig or you hit the weight room. I just hit the weight room. I think I'm at that age. You're hitting the weight room? Yeah. Yeah. Hard. I would hit a wig. You're looking handsome as ever. We went to the gym. Trust me if the wig was an option. If I could. If I thought wig was available to me. If I could put the energy I'm putting into the gym into clothes I would, I just don't have to. My heart is in wig. My body. Yeah. My body is in gym. I didn't go to the gym. We went to the gym together the other day and we barely, we barely saw each other. But that's how we both want it to be. I think so. Yeah. So we went to the gym. We went. So I've been going to this gym that sees old Persian guys. Yeah. And he's been going to a very bad gym. It's not he's objectively been going to a bad gym. It's not great. And then is now trying a better gym that I've been going to. And I thought I could get him in on a guest pass but as it turns out better gyms don't have reasonable entries.

5:33He's not explaining it well. Langston goes to the hot guy gym. I do go to the hot guy gym. He said half the corner boys from the wire in here. That's what he says when we walked. He says, Boat, he says hi to me. I say it was dookie but yes. That's what I said. Dookie from the wire. Absolutely. He says I know this gym is not for me. It's so sexy. And that's I had a good time. It was too sexy for me. It's the hornyest gym I've ever been to in my life. And it was sexy. It's 6 a.m. That's fucked up. It's too, you can't be sexy at that time. I don't think. You shouldn't be in. I will say also the a lot of times there's a fear in the fat guy community that you will be discriminated against if you go to the sexy gym. It's actually way worse. You're going to be cheered on. And that shit hurts. Oh, they're like fucking killing you. I keep laughing. Yeah. Oh, off of me. Two more years of that. I'm like try to say my stats as I'm lifting.

6:35I'm like, I have a wife. I'm a proud member of SAG After. Some of you got addicts sucked already this morning. She's proud of me. Because I don't that's what I don't like about buff guys is that little brother energy. Yes. And it's like, hey, man, I don't give a shit. I'll bear hug you and jump down the stairs. I will. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't I will find a way to make us equal. Yeah. Why do you think I got funny? Why do you think I got fucking fine? Now we're both in wheelchairs. Yeah. Now what? Now what? Now what? Now what? I will say my biggest fear in the gym is that I'm going to be doing a movement. And then a stronger man is going to come over and tell me how to do that correctly. Of course. That brings me so much anxiety that I don't even fuck with certain stuff out of fear that somebody's going to make me do it better. Okay. Because I was wondering why you did two rounds of cardio. He's in good shape.

7:38My fuck, this is personal. Okay. I'm sorry. I was really sweaty. You put on a trade secret. You put on a trade secret. And we're finally going to do it. And it realizes this was gotcha media. I thought this was a fun hang with friends. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I was the sweatiest guy in the gym. Does that help? It totally helps. And did you get any keep it up, big man? Because keep it up, big man is like, I didn't even get eye contact. We're really in the city. Caleb, that's how sexy they were. And then I didn't tell you about this. When I went to leave, my fucking lock wasn't working. Oh, no. So I was trying to do the combo to unlock the lock. And all these buff guys are just butt ass naked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sweaty in my stupid shirt. On the lock, trying to get my crocks out so I can drive home. You can't even use lockers. They don't respect you at all. I can't use lockers. Yeah. I was stronger than most of them. No, I saw you. You were moving weight. I was really going to the knock. Yeah. I got locked out of my locker. I got a full body in my eye, ski in recently. Whoa. And I got locked out of my locker afterwards. And there was a woman sitting next to me.

8:39I know for a fact, you don't have to get naked under the gown. I know for a fact because I have a woman sitting next to me while I'm struggling with the locker. I can't fucking get it. I'm all anxious because I've been in a tube for an hour and a half. I can't get the locker. She's standing next to me legit, like leaning on her dressing room door, full ass butt naked. Yes. Wow. We got a kid there, though. I'm trying to take that back. We got to get there. We don't have to get naked under those things. Why are you a NADA naked person? I don't mind. I mean, I'm cool with naked. I'll get naked in the locker room or whatever. But I'm like, this is a hallway of a medical facility. This is not a private area. Yeah. There are people like coming in. She's butt ass naked, older woman. And the only reason I knew is because at first she's leaning facing me. So I was like, I was running around. She turns around to grab something, bends over, full spread. Wow. She wanted you crazy. I don't think she wanted me. I think she was very in her power. I think that's cool. It was cool, but it was just annoying to me because I'm like, you're having a beautiful moment of transcendent self-empowerment. I'm locked out of my locker, which is like that kind of bring up all that middle school

9:43angst. Yeah, I've been to the tube for an hour and a half. Who knows what they found? They're not calling me back. I'm so anxious right now. I called them yesterday and said, hey, I think I'm a result you. I think I should have them to go. She goes, yeah, I have them. I'm going to email them over. And then a nurse will be in touch. Didn't email them. No nurse in touch. Oh, no. So all I'm thinking is they're in the boardroom figuring out how to go about this. Yeah, that new shit. Yeah, I got something new. I have some new. They're going to call me and go, you have everything. I'm scared. We've never seen this before, but they mixed all the sodas on you. Yeah, you're doing bad. They hit a couple of years right in front of the freestyle machine. I was getting involved with everything. Oh, trouble. I'm in big trouble. No, if she were the hero, she wants to be. You would have helped you get your locker open naked. How is she supposed to help him? Don't be standing there posing. Stand up and pull. Come over and help. Yeah, come on. I hate this free woman. I don't like. I don't like her. I'm a little bit. I am a little bit dead. That's going to be me, but I get older.

10:44I'm the more I come into my body, but I'm going to be naked more. You're going to be way more naked. You think so? You're going to be a naked old guy because naked old guys are very particular type of whole thing. Yeah, I'm pretty naked in my private life, but it doesn't transfer public at all. Yeah, you know what I'm saying, but around the house and whatnot. Yes, even pool gym. You're not. I'm getting better at the pool because I've been swimming. Okay. And gym, yes, but not like I'd like to be. Like when we went to the spa, that was a big day for me. We went to the spa. Yeah. It sounds like we're going on dates. It's just like we. I've enjoyed. No, guys are bringing out. And I've had a nice time. Yeah, I've been having a good time. I want to talk with Topgolf on Saturday night. What are you all hang out a lot? Yeah, yeah, that's beautiful. Yeah, now we're not tired of each other yet. No, it's crazy. It'll come. It'll happen. We had dinner with our wives the other night and my life was like, it's crazy you and Langston can still have stuff to talk about. Yeah. So fucking funny. Yeah, we're not curious about them at all.

11:45We're talking to each other. Walking them out of it. Yeah. No, we just kind of tell each other about our weeks. We're just kind of going over Topgolf. Yeah, yeah, yeah. After dinner. No, I didn't even talk to her about Topgolf. No, I didn't bring it up, but that was because I wasn't again wasn't good at it. You were not bad. That bumped me out. You won two games. I won two games. Yeah, but the way you one felt like you earned it and the way I one felt like I got lucky. You're in your head, dog. Yeah, you're in your head. I don't know anything. I can feel that you're in your head. You're against each other because you have how it is. That's that Topgolf is designed to be bullshit competition because everybody is drunk and nobody knows what they're doing. Yeah, except for that one kid who was next to us. We were next to a young Latino prodigy. He was going so hard. He was hitting them boys to the Gulf of Mexico.

12:46And T Gray Woods. He was just the idea of everyone else drunk in this kid walking the fuck in. He literally was his drunk ass parents. His drunk ass mom was betting him was being like, I'll bet you $20. You can't hit it over the fence. He'd be like, give me the money. And then fuck. Oh, damn. Over the fence. His old. His own. His old. You know, who couldn't hit was his supportive Cholo father. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. That man. This is the first time he had held the golf club not crime related. It showed he was so bad. And you could tell that he had some glasses hard at top. It's 10 p.m. It was so bad. It was so bad. It was so bad. He's hitting the balls and they've been talking shit to each other the whole time. He's talking shit to people. The kid is talking shit to people when the dad hits nobody talks shit. Everyone goes not to my hands. Relax, relax, relax. And the dad hit him bad. Like shankin' straight in front of our shit.

13:47It's scaring us. So bad. He's so bad in hitting. He's so bad, but he was strong. He was a man. He was a man in front of the other person. He had been incredible joke in his hour. I don't know if it, I don't think it's come out yet. Steve's hour, but I was at the taping and he was like, he was like talking about how he was, they were at a Dodgers game and so guy was like racist to them. And his dad turned around and like punished like hit him really fucking hard. And Steve's like, it was incredible for us. We were so excited. It was the first time we'd seen him hit someone that wasn't our mom. He was like, Jesus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's really, really doing that joke. That's really funny though. Yeah. It's a great joke. It's a great joke. I love the jokes where we go. It's a great joke. I don't know what's gonna happen. I have no idea the results of the audience this reaction, but we all agree that is a well-written joke. It's a great joke, I'm sad for your family, I'm sad for your mom. But ultimately I'm going, that's a great joke. Those are the bits we should all strive for. I think so. Those are the bits I do on life.

14:47Yeah. I'd be sending shit out, not knowing if it's gonna land. The ones that scare you a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All of the time in mixed company. Have you had one recently that you were scared wouldn't work out and it did? Oh, I feel vindicated because on our podcast I talked about having deli meat at the movies and people have really rallied behind me in some comments. You do what? Yeah, thank you for asking a follow up question. I was worried you were gonna let that keep free flowing. No, I'm interested. Well, I'm a free man. First of all, let's start with my freedom. Yeah, you're gonna want to check the emancipation proclamation because I am a free man. Let's open it up and know that I can't be controlled, contained, boxed or bottled. I sometimes take deli meat to the movies. Okay, so what kind, how much? Bores head. Bores head turkey ham. So I like the cage and chicken, but I go to the deli counter and I kind of do whatever I'm feeling in a moment.

15:48And then you're taking it in just in the Bores head baggie? No, separate baggie. Okay, separate baggie. Separate. He transfers it. He's not unreasonable. I'm not taking the baggie in because I get it like two pounds at a time. Am I taking two pounds of deli meat? That would be crazy. To see the Odyssey, that's not. Yeah, really? How many slices are you genuinely taking in there? It's more of a loose grass. I get it deli sliced. But once it's in the pack, the chicken especially. Yeah, your eyeballing, the amount of deli meat you're bringing in. You can't even get it in slices when you're trying to make a sandwich with the chicken, you just have to grab it in hunks. Yeah, that's true. Okay, see you. I know what you mean. So would you grab it half a pound? No. Come on, man. I'm asking. I'd say for a long movie, the last time with Spider-Man, I was probably five ounces. Okay, five to six ounces, I'd say. And what, you're just out of the bag straight to the mouth? No, like cheese cracker, anything like that. And that's the troubling part for me. That's why everybody's so mad. I've got no issue with deli meat in the movie theater. I'll bring bullshit in the movie. You do have an issue with deli meat in the movie.

16:49You very clearly do. You hate exclusivity of the deli meat. That's what I want you to have something else. But why? Explain to me why. Preparity. Respect for others. Preparity, I think he's right. Respect. Crackers is respect. I think crackers is respect. I am. Crackers are now I'm respectful. Crackers is class. We've all agreed on that. That's what it's all about. Pat, try to put a rebord in. You bring pat, try to the movies and you're giving him shit. I've brought a full meal. No, thanks. I'm not on your team. Thank you. Thank you. I brought a full meal. It's so true to me, Langston's a psychopath. That's so much crazier. And you make me try to feel bad. That's crazy. That's crazy. That's crazy. That's actually way crazier than lunch meat. And I'm not kidding. I don't agree. I think that now movie theaters, now movie theaters have become dining experiences. We have had full meals at movie theaters. I'm just bringing them full meal.

17:50They serve like chicken dishes. It's like finger food. That's what I'm saying. I'm saying we can have a special and star at AMC. Yet. That is completely fair. That is fair. That's what I'm saying is that Thai food versus deli meat is a lower lift. It's quieter. It's less messy. The smell is less. I think that he is vilifying me and it's I don't think it's fair. I meant it's villainy. And I actually have a note for the Thai community as well. Oh, oh, ambitious. We've all been waiting for a white guy notes on the Thai community. We've been waiting and it's time. This feels like one of those Steve Hernandez vids. A little dangerous. I want to speak to the Thai community. Here's where I want to say I'm going to enjoy your food. I'm in your restaurants all the time. Thai people I'm in your restaurant. Asking a Thai restaurant in America. If I've been in there, you're going to have a pretty high hit rate.

18:50The pictures on the wall and it is signed. Absolutely. I have been in the Thai restaurants. I think that allows me to speak on what I'm about to speak on. When we're putting shrimp in a noodle dish or a curry, go ahead and take that tail off for me. I like what you said. What the fuck am I meant to do? It's going to kill you to take the tail off. Just slice it before you because now I'm grabbing into the curry. And yeah, you can take a fork and knife and you can cut a lot. I know. I'm in too much for curry. Let's not make concessions here. You're absolutely right. Take the tails off. Take the goddamn tails off. You are right. You think you leaving that tail on is making me believe in the authenticity of this meal. I already believed in it. That's why I came. I believe in you. Take that fucking tail off. I believe in you the whole time in this whole video. Not just because you only saving us this much meat. That's right. I'm only getting this much extra meat because like when you know what I mean when you kind of, if you do that wiggle, you can get that little, you can get that little bit out. You can get that little, but how much protein is that? I don't give a fuck. Give me that little extra. I'm tracking macros. But you know what you could do is when it's raw, you just squeeze it so that that little

19:53extra piece comes out. I can actually still get that meat. That's a good one. And I'm asking you and it's isn't just Thai folks real. That's just writing it up the most. It supplies to all people. I was going to say that. I think don't even just put it on Thai. I think across the globe. I'm realizing that this is mostly, I address this to the Thai community because that's where I eat all the time. Right. I really never not at Thai, but I'm guessing maybe there's Italian restaurants that do the same thing. Oh, allow me to pick up the ball you just pass and say steakhouse community. Steakhouse kids. They're putting tail on shrimp in the pastas. They think it's so cute to put it on a skewer. It's garlic herb with the with the tail. Here's what they're doing and I know this is true. When you cook shrimp, if you take the tail off, they get smaller faster. So they leave the tail on to make them stay fucking plump and shitting the stats. They're patting the stats, but you have the ability to take that off before you serve it to me. Close cook pre-serve. Come on. There's a window. There's a window. There's a window. There's a window. Also corporate America, why are we so greedy? Just give me one more lular shrimp. Yeah.

20:53Just give me one more. Well, this is what Chinese restaurants, Chinese take out restaurants and neatly understand. They'll give you 100 small shrimps and they have no qualms about it. Yeah. That's what. Not a tail and sight on small ones. No. Yeah. I'm into that. I was shocked when I found out that shrimp could be as big as they are because I was exclusively getting out of Chinese food restaurants. Shrimp get big dogs. Shrimp are fucking huge. Yeah, it's kinda scary. I thought they were like little, any bitty mom, fuck man. They get big. They get big. They get big even. Like this. Way bigger. Way bigger. A big shrimp. Way bigger David. A wall that's like that big. No, they're way bigger than that. Also, dude, there's shrimps together. This one's fucking good. Yeah, okay, okay. Like the long ones. Tiger shrimp. Yeah. I don't like it when they got the legs on there. Yeah, that's what that's about. That's a bummer. We've got skin on. Here's what I'll tell you. If you're a restaurant that's serving head, tail, legs and skin on shrimp, you were not interested in serving shrimp. No. I'm not doing all that. Yeah. It's also, but they know what they're doing. Like you ever get a boil and then you get down to the bottom of the boil. That's like a pound of shrimp crackers.

21:55Yeah. Like you can charge me for that. They're patting the sands. This is way hundred percent. Yeah. It's like when they do chicken wings. We should try to ethical boil restaurant. Oh. I'm actually very interested in having a good idea. True measurement of the meat and not the shells. We count. We don't even put the other stuff in. We measure your seafood. Then we boil, add the potatoes and sausage. Yeah. No water. No water. And that corn's coming off the cob, by the way. Yeah. Yeah. The cob is way into it now. The cob is too pal. It's mostly cob. It's all cob. And they're giving you a lot of cob. Cob is fucking trash. You can't even do anything with that. Yeah. It's all cob that's running the skill. Yeah. No. That's like, that's the equivalent of putting baby laxative in your cocaine. Yeah. That's what cob is. I do really like the idea of you all being like defiant at the register. Like, I'm going to be honest with you. There's a lot of cob. That's all cob. I don't believe in buy food by the weight no more really. No. Isn't that same with like, yeah, we've lost our way.

22:55It's fucked. Same with yogurt. There's a yogurt spot by my house. It's like, oh, yeah. You greet me. You're very nice. You say, how do the dog or whatever. But you're charging me too much for these toppings. Yeah. No, the shenanigans with the yogurt spots are intense. And I don't even believe you're making money. I think it's a front. Oh, you don't think any yogurt spots are making money. How much yogurt does anybody sell in a day? That's a great question. I think the final location, you talk of mincees on a good corner. But before menchies, it was pinkberry, was all there. There's always been a menchies. I don't think it's a lot of money in yogurt. You don't think so? You think this is the same Bob's as like mattress companies. I think it's the exact same thing as mattress. Something's going on at mattress companies. And frozen yogurt shops. I think they're in cahoots. Dude, when I moved to New York, I went to a mattress store in what the fuck is that? Like, like, a Leonic, Brooklyn Atlantic, terminal, that area. Yeah. Like the Atlantic Mall or whatever. I went in there. I said, hey, I need a mattress for my guest room. I am not going to spend more than $500 on this.

23:55It needs to be a queen. So I'm not spending more than $500 on the guest mattress. I eventually get a new mattress. I'll put mine in there. Mine's very nice. For now, it's going to be that. And he goes, he goes, cheapest one we got is $1,400. It's really nice. I go, all right, well, I'm not spending that. So have a good day. He goes, hold on, hold on, hold on. What if I can get it down to $600? I go, I'm at $500. My budget, he goes, I'll give it to you for $500. That's not so much. You're not running a business. No. I should have walked out of there with auto mattress. You were just saying shit. 300% price hike. He was like $1,400 best I can do. But if you need $5,000. I don't like that. It's like buying meat in a foreign market. What? You ever ever been? I haven't done it. We got him. We got him. We got him. He even called me a psychopath. But guess what? Big it. He hates foreign markets. I'm not a big hit. I'm not a big hit. I'm not a big hit. I'm not a big hit. I'm not a big hit. I'm not a big hit. I'm not a big hit. I'm not a big hit. He hates foreign markets. I'm not a big hit. He hates foreign markets. This is the King Jimmy market. And Sierra Leone was that for a free town. They just say numbers. And then you say numbers. And then you walk away with some fish. So hating. I've never been to a...

24:55I'm not so hating. I'm not so hating. I'm thrifty. Yo, you really... You trying to get on me for being thrifty. We were talking on the phone yesterday. And I was in smart and final. Yeah. And I was like, oh, that's a good deal on Gatorade. And he was like, we gotta get this guy to the suburbs. Because I spotted a good deal. Yeah. Because I'm like you in that way. Yeah, because I spotted a good deal. It wasn't the spotting of his deal. He was deconomic. He doesn't know the price of anything. It was the exclaiming on the phone that was more troubling for me. Oh, I can't share what I'm going through. I'm excited about my life with my buddy. I can't talk to my friends. We were in the middle of a business conversation. And he'd be like, whoa, have fun on Gatorade. And it just wasn't. 199 for 32 ounce. It's a great deal. It's a great deal. Did you grow poor, Langston? Uh, I grew up. He didn't even forgot. He forgot. I grew up in a very complicated situation. Yeah. Where half the week I was poor. Yeah.

25:55Half the week I was not. Yeah, that's complicated. So I had, I always had money in my mind, but then would have time where I didn't. I've always got money in my mind as well. I'll tell you that. What he never stops. What he had to grind never stops. I've never stopped today in my life. One thing I love about doing business with you guys is when we were figuring out my mama told me come into wave. And boy, are we grateful for that by the way. I'm so grateful. We did that. It blew me to that. It changed a lot for us. I was just saying I got a couple extra greater ages. I was surprised to see the, they sent me the press release. And you guys had commented first. And then they asked if I went out of comment. And you guys is remarking the press release was that it didn't really make sense that we were friends. Yeah. And that, that hurt. I'm not going to lie to you that's done. That's how you ready. I read all my Google Pixel and I said, wow. Wow, these guys don't think it makes sense to refer to it. I think it makes perfect sense. And I thought that was great brand placement. Excellent. They're not going to notice it at all at home. Yeah. Yeah.

26:55Yeah. Let me check the time on my Apple. Oh no. I forgot. Switched my Google Pixel 10 Pro. No, they actually offer us. Can we get some of those? We might come up with this. Yeah, you can have one. I'll get you a Google Pixel if you want one. No problem. You really want a Google Pixel Pro? I want some free shit. I'm a Google Pixel user. I'm on green text. Yeah. I was surprised when we got there. It's because people leave me alone more. I like that. And I like that. I get put on less group text. A lot of people from my past that really should some of them shouldn't be reaching out. Some of them should. Yeah. But some people who shouldn't be reaching out are taxi mutual friends and then going, I think Caleb changed his phone number. That's good. I think that's for the best. The presumption is somebody with money always has an Apple product and therefore the fact that you don't means that you are not. You change yourself. Something has changed. And we're talking like when I say that I'm talking like person I was in one study group with freshman year of college. I've had this phone number since I was in sixth grade. Wow. So there are people reaching out sometimes that I'm like, you don't really have any business reaching out to me.

27:57Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's for the best if you think I changed my number. No, you got to switch that shit. I've had probably had seven phone numbers as an adult. Really? Wow. I'm on the same shit. Yeah. I haven't changed my phone number since I was a kid. Oh, that shows me a level of stability in your life that maybe I didn't have. Yeah. Not one thing my mom made sure of. I've had so many phone numbers. Damn. I used to wait. When it was Metro PCS, I just wouldn't pay the bill anymore. And then you would pay the bill back and they'd have already given away your number. Sorry, brother. We had other plans for that number. She didn't think we were going to hear from you again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we already ported your shit. It's some guy selling weed in Oakland now. Yeah. And then you're getting like wrong text messages. Yeah, I've had so many because I don't like to be contacted either. I really don't love it. It gets to be too much. It's too much. It's Instagram email phone call text message. It starts to be. And there's a version of it that's like, oh, it's beautiful that I'm like, people in my life. But it gets to be too much where it's like people are reaching out for stupid crazy bullshit.

29:00Yeah. Then I'm like, you gotta, I gotta, you gotta leave me alone. All my day is correspondence. Yeah. It's funny. You don't respond to the right things. Speaking of which, hey, could I put in a sandwich order for this? I did not respond to that. To a sandwich order for today. Yeah. Have we ordered a two-way? What's the, what's the other order? What's the other order? No, what do you want? It's not too late. Can I get the roast beef as well? Thank you. No, of course we'll get you. That was one I realized. Yeah. You just did this moment. I was like, no, I brought it up in the car, but then I was like in my head about it. You know, it's too late. You can always ask. And Langston didn't help. He was just like, ha, ha, you fool. No, Michelle loves how, Michelle loves helping other people. She doesn't love doing anything for me, but she loves kids. She would love to get you a sandwich. That's probably healthy though, right? That's actually the way it's supposed to be. Yeah. I think that's, you guys have a fun thing I could feel it. No, she loves that energy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you should. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Talk shit on me on your huge podcast. That's awesome. No, yeah, don't give me a microphone.

30:00Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't allow me to defend myself. No, but this actually brings up a good point, which I was going to say earlier, which is doing business with you two is very interesting because it's kind of like, do you know how when you have your friends with a couple and there's a correspondent partner and then a shows up partner? Yeah. This is going to hurt. No, it's not going to hurt Langston hits that fucking phone. Yeah, Langston does. David Popson just at the moment and I picked up on that. But he has a thing behind the scenes. It is constant communication. I felt it. He's a better face for this thing. I felt it. He's a much better face. I would say something and then I would, I would, there would be a break where I was like they are conferring and then Langston would say, that sounds good to us. And I would say they talk so eloquent. He typed so fast. So it's coming from us. Someone has described our relationship as I am the mommy and he is the daddy and he did that. I don't, I don't want to talk about it. He can do it. It's not important.

31:01Try me to do it with somebody close to you. I said, I said, you shut up woman. Yeah. He was always saying that, was this his son? You shut up woman to your son. It's the only way I can take the power back. That sucks. It must, it must hurt you because he had, you never told me that till just now. No, he had stung really bad and I'm sorry I got vulnerable. That's so fucking funny. But we are on the same page though. Yeah. Much like a relationship should be. But it's just, you are so much better. I feel like when I try to respond to things, it comes up clunky. Thank you, you're in your head. Okay. That's right. Top goal. I also know that I, I'm quick on the draw. So I don't mind being the, I will say that was it. When we had keeping records, my first podcast like way back with Shelby Wallstein. Shelby was the communicator. Yeah. If you're like something from whoever and Shelby be the first one to be like, hey, kill, but like she was on it.

32:02Yeah. And I was like, thank God for her. Is that not sure? That's not how I feel now. Yeah. Your natural instinct. You, because you're juggling so many people, is that where, where you start, stop wanting to respond quickly? Or is it your natural instinct? No, I'm a responder. I'm, I do a lot of things. I, I, I say I'm mostly, I err more on the side of doing things myself than I do asking for help, but I'm getting better and better. I'm getting better and better at asking for help, I think, I think I'm looking, I'm checking. He says, too, is associate. It's both with no microphone. Yeah. No, there's microphone over there. Chance gets one. Chance gets one. Chance laughs, but did not affirm. And that, that is troubling. Am I getting better at asking for help, or am I still annoying and I do things my own, and I do them badly and then everyone gets annoyed with me? You're the most perfect man on gods or. See, but then sometimes you get that. I tried to get my managers yesterday to tell me a moment that I had been a diva on an, on episode in a funny way. And they, they were like, I mean, you're great. And I was like, whoa. Yeah, man. Whoa. You've been in show business. What did you think was going to happen?

33:02I didn't think that was my setup. I will say they called back two minutes later and they found one. Yeah. So that was a nice balance. Yeah. Okay. So they did come up with something. They came up with something, but they had to get off the phone and kind of figure out what was safe to say. That's the thing. That's what it was. Because they all had a mom and dad immediately in their head. Yeah. They knew exactly what it was. The second you asked the question. Yeah. But then they had to confer with each other to make sure that it was okay to say the thing that popped in there. Yeah. I mean, I will say within this business relationship that we've all entered in now, I want some of that. I don't have any diva, I don't think. You want to be a diva? We don't have much of it. No. Very much like thank you. Thank you for the honor of our audience. This episode is brought to you by Hinge. Look, dating can be a goddamn nightmare. It can be a daunting and difficult thing to navigate. But thankfully, our friends at Hinge are here to help. Hinge is the dating app designed to be, you guessed it, deleted.

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38:06That's somebody. We can arrange that. Yeah. I'm just going to talk to somebody. It's just the dog right now. And that's getting better. You can start with chance. Honestly, like, if you ever need to talk down to somebody. I can't. We already hugged me. Yeah, fuck. We opened it up to the goal. That would be a good person. I really love it. You know that. Come on. She's in the back. Nicole's a rider die. But Nicole has been doing such beautiful work for us. We'd be fools to go to the bridge with her. That's the problem. We're really in bed in a way. The stains. You guys are in with Nicole. That sucks. I don't know who you could talk down to because it's going to need to be somebody who works. With you. Otherwise, you're talking down to a stranger and that doesn't. I think I've been doing that more since I started driving and traffic and stuff like that. I'm talking down to strangers. Yeah. You doing it passenger side too. Okay. Yes. All right. All right. Good. I know. Yeah. I would say in this relationship, I do mostly driving. He does do all the driving. Yeah. And. And if somebody walks in front of the car, David will roll down the passenger.

39:07And be like, boo. Boo. Boo. Very confrontational in a way that I'm not ready for. It's not if somebody, there's been a transgression. I'm not just doing it. No. I will. I will. I will. I will. Yeah. Out of the car. I get in Kansas City in particular. The drivers there are so. Kansas City is becoming. First of all, it's a lot of drivers from the suburbs or the country. Right. And it's not like a city that has different things going on like pedestrians. It's like. And Kansas City is getting more and more like pedestrian lanes and bicycle lanes and stuff, which is awesome. I spend a lot of my time driving in Kansas City. I'm stopped for a, it'll be a busy street where people go 40, 45 miles an hour. And then there'll be a crosswalk and a pedestrian trying to cross. I stop at the fucking thing. It's not a stoplight, but it's the crossing. Cars zipping through there. Just like what do you hit a single mother with a fucking. Yeah. I'm laying on my horn for like full minutes just being like. Do you see this? Like one.

40:07Try. And they want they just can't. They're like they're looking at me going. And I'm like, what do you mean? That's a human being. I get so pissed off. I'm like, we need to be a real place. Is Casey pedestrian heavy? That no, that's the thing, but it's getting more and more as a cancer and cancer. And we have this street car that started to we have a free street car. And so that's fine. People are using like public transit and bicycle. And bicycles more and more there. Do I have a question being from Denver? Tell me. Do people hate bicyclists and Kansas City? Yes, and it's so fucking strong in Denver. That's a personality. Yeah. Like I hate people hating a cyclist. They hate the culture. Yeah. It's like that. Because I got into bicycling the last time I was living in Denver. Yeah. And yeah, they don't like you. They don't like it at all. Holy shit. It's like being a motorcycle. Yeah. Well, you said that. Yeah. Well, I'm used to be. I'm fuck the motorcycle people. That's where I'm at. Oh, right. These motherfuckers especially in a way. They are splitting lanes going so fast.

41:07And then they have the fucking audacity to be like watch out for motorcycles. Bitch, you watch out for your. Yeah. Stop doing that shit. And here's the thing. Internationally, they're splitting lanes. But there's so many motorcycles everywhere that you just know to be ready for a motorcycle. Are you talking about Asia? Yeah. But even like I went to Greece and they're like always in the middle of the city. I feel like Greek people love a motorcycle. They love the motorcycles out there. That's their shit. More than Tezip. Also, I would say. There are motorcycles. They're not really splitting lanes at 90 miles an hour. But that's the thing. They're going at a reasonable pace. And they are constant. So I know they're coming out here. It's a motorcycle splitting lanes every like 10 minutes. Yeah. So I'm not even prepared for you like that. And now suddenly I got to not kill this. And then I think I'm going to come zoom in by. Yeah. And you're going 90 or whatever. You're going like 89. You're going so fast on this thing. Yeah. I'm like, it's crazy. They drive me nuts. You ever had a motorcycle that's sculled you? No, yeah. When they're splitting lanes and then they get mad at you because you weren't over enough or started to go and didn't see them type shit.

42:14Yeah. I've had one stop and bang on the hood. It's nice. And I didn't even roll my window now. I was just like, get the fuck out of here. I just literally did this. I was like, what are you? I'm not going to fight with you on your motorcycle. Yeah. Now you're standing still in a highway. Go. I'm in a car. I'm in a car. You're wearing a helmet. I'm not going to roll. I'm more successful than you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a whole vehicle. I'm a man. I'm a man. You should be scared of my car. You're the Air Force. Not people who make bikes. I'm just kidding. What brings you the military you guys think you'd be in if you were in the military? The Air Force. What's the scariest, cattiest one? You think so? I always heard that the Air Force was more like, you use your brain to get out of things. Oh, yeah. It would be. Yeah, I don't want. I don't think I'd be a Marine. That's for sure. I don't think you'd be a Marine. I appreciate that. I don't want that. No, no, no. I think Air Force or Navy is probably what I'd end up. I prefer you in the Air Force. Yeah. I like that for you. Yeah, I think in my heart of hearts, I wish I could be a Marine.

43:16But I think ultimately, not in real life. I think that shit's awful. But not a fan. Not exactly rooting for what we got going on. I don't love the missions we're going on, actually. Not a big supporter of what we do with that. Let's see what Steel Team 1 is up to. What? I don't know. We've seen what Six is doing. Oh, you're like, let's, because one is better than six. One might be better. Point being, I think I'd probably end up in Navy. That feels more accurate. I think you guys, I'm just in this moment. Yeah. Thinking you guys would be so sick in a war movie. As like guys in the trenches together. It would have to be a war movie, but at the, it would have to be during a time that they instituted the draft. Right. I don't think anybody would believe that we both willingly. It's like a war. But it would be me and you like in a kitchen like, damn, I miss Kansas City. Yeah. Yeah. You got a girl back home. Yeah. Yeah. You got a girl back home.

44:16Yeah. You got a girl picture in your helmet. Yeah. You guys would be sick in a war movie. You guys would be sick in a war movie. She's a but. Yeah. Oh, it's fine. Oh, woo. Yeah. I would actually love that. If anyone out there's a screenwriter. Yeah. I would actually love that. If anyone out there's a screenwriter. Yeah. Yeah. Write a script for these guys to be war buddies. And I'd love to be in there if I could. Yeah. But I honestly about them. You're going to be so working. We're going to work in a kitchen. I got a small role. I could be a small role. Okay. Most of you about you guys and they'll just maybe throw me in as like, you know, the dumb guy off to the side. You're handing in that memo to the general that then clears us from being a court march. Yeah. I do want to interject. I don't think you could play a dumb guy. Yes, I could. I don't think so. David. I'm this is a compliment. I can't do is to say a dumb guy thing right now. Um, you're good. No. Almost totally the way the way the way the way the way you did it.

45:22Not the way the way the you did it. Yeah. You can see your eyes searching for information. Yeah. There's so much thought. There's so much thought behind it. You said dumb guy. If they went, if they went cross, then we would have known you were in character. Yeah. If you said, oh, I can play a dumb guy. You say a dumb guy thing. Fucking. Like it's like, you say a dumb guy thing. I think the pets are going to win. That's really funny. That's really funny, but you're not a dumb guy. That was pretty good. I want to be a dumb guy. I cosplay dumb though. I hit a pretty sweet. Like in some of the in Chicago right at the end of me being in Chicago. I got to play the dumb white guy in a lot of like diversity showcase sketches. Well, I mean, I think that black women are so tall. Did they get make anybody look like the dumb guy? That's actually the easiest place to do it. Yeah. That's the dumbest type of. Okay. That actually really does push up against my narrative a little bit that I was a good actor.

46:25No, I'm not. Maybe I was just part of a good company. Fuck. Maybe Tisha was carrying the whole thing. Fuck. Okay. Okay. Let's cut for a little bit. We'll come back after lunch. This has been really, really informative. You do a lap. Everybody do a lap. You edit out the whole dumb guy thing. Just cut back into me saying the pets are going to win. I think you can play a dumb guy. I think I think I think either if you could play dumb. I think I would struggle with it. But I think it is all possible if you are handed the right circumstance. It's the right flavor of dumb. Okay. I don't think we give enough credit to how dumb you can be while also being articulate. And that... Now it just feels like you're campaigning for yourself. I'm a dumb guy. You're not a dumb guy. I'm a not smart guy. You guys are really... You guys are brilliant charming, lovely people. That both of you have to pay attention. Have you ever loved paint? I've never seen a paint like this before. I've never seen a paint like this before. Have you? Yes.

47:25And oven cleaner. I could play a dumb guy. Give me some paint. Why were you huffing oven cleaner? Because it was a snow storm Caleb. You're being unreasonable. Yeah. You're asking a wrong question. That's on me. That's 100% on me. Hey, if you want this show to work, you're going to have to ask better questions. Yeah. The first show does not work, first of all. The so true podcast does not work. It's not... It's a miracle that people listen to this garbage. I can't believe it. Every week we put on Amazon, I go, people are listening to this. We feel the same. Yeah, you think we feel different? Almost every time we're like, I can't believe that this is... This is even getting a little bit of traction. How did you... How did you guys start the show? I started the show. I started it in the pandemic as we all did with podcasts. The Desperate and the Loan. And if some in comedy will never come back. But ultimately it was just Black conspiracy theory.

48:25And conspiracy theory in general is my favorite thing. And so like it just became like a great fun premise. But I was doing it alone. And it did not work. It was like truly a... You're sitting down with a stranger. And I'm a silly Billy. So I'll talk about conspiracy all day. But I don't mean any of it. And then I'm talking to grownups who are either taking it very seriously or not at all. And I don't know how to manage that behavior. And it wasn't until he came on that I think it really figured itself out. Yeah. I see that. Yeah, I'd say that. I see that. A home needs a dad. It can't just be mom. Who said that? Who said that? Dogs. Somebody fucked you up. Somebody fucked you up. Boom. And I feel like we ought to just talk about it to get past it. A home needs a dad. They said. Who said this? I can't get over who said this.

49:26Yes, sir. It's so scary to think about who said this. It's like there's no way the answer would be anywhere near as scary as... Just everyone I meet for the rest of my life could be the person who said this. Like they walk among us. Anyone could be the person who said this. It's like that movie falling. It's so scary to think about who said this. They're all demons. How long ago was it that they said it? It was fairly recent. I could tell. It's sitting at the front of my mind. We talk a lot and you've never said it. And I know I wasn't going to bring it up ever. And I don't feel like it's an accurate assessment of our relationship at all. What do you feel like it misses? I feel like it's checking my spreadsheet. It's it in all the numbers. I feel like you're trying to drag me into deep waters to drown me right now. I don't appreciate it. What is it not? I don't think that I have the daddy energy.

50:26Like I don't think people are looking at a relationship like David pays all the bills. I don't think anyone... I think you're assuming a very specific version of mommy daddy relax. That's fair. I had a baby. Maybe you got an unpaid. Oh, maybe I'm not dated. Maybe daddy doesn't have to pay all the bills. Mommy paid all the bills. Same. That's interesting though. Your mom paid all the bills and yet you said that it was dad that would pay all the bills. That's interesting. I wonder why. Well there was not a dad to pay the bills. Say that. Okay. I assume had there been one. Two shades. I assume that's one. Hold on. I'm good point. Three guys with moms who paid all the bills. So, a dad. Yeah, what? Let's talk to us about what dad's doing. So if a dad were around, I guess, what would you pay the bills? Yeah. A gay guy, a poetry major and a soft boy. Let's tell him. Let's really get him to that dad shit. Yeah.

51:26The man in the sphere just got bigger votes. Yeah. That three new contestants in the man in the sphere games. Oh shit, that is so funny. On September 10th. I've waited such a long time for this. She has. Prepare to be bewitched for the own sisters. Yeah, everyone we love does. It's not great for the tender fire. Sandra Bullock. Here's the thing about magic. It won't be silenced. Nicole Kidman. Everything is going to be okay. Just like it was when we had to bury a corpse under a roast bush. Different. Practical magic too. Pretty PG-13. Maybe inappropriate for children under 13. Only in theaters of September 10th. Your favorite friend group is back. FX's adults follows five roommates living in New York, leaning on each other to navigate love, work, friendship, and family. While tackling pressing questions of your 20s like, what if the person who inherited your fake ID is cooler than you ever were?

52:27Why does being around your family make you regress into your worst self? And how do you tell your roommates that you have other friends? FX's adults. All episodes now streaming on Hulu. This episode is brought to you by TicTac. Lay sub and get your game on because the TicTac lineup just got a new teammate. Dr. Pepper TicTac. This new double threat puts two of your favorite flavors into one box of mints. And when two iconic flavors come together, the result can only be iconic. Score big. Try Dr. Pepper TicTac today. Langston, you told me not to have kids recently. You would have it a rough week. I don't remember saying it, but it does sound like me. I don't even remember how it came up. I was talking about like, I don't know, whether you're going to be able to get a new one or something. You think you're on vacation and you're like, there's not a moment of fucking peace.

53:30All it is is just parenting somewhere else. That's what vacation is now. I do remember we were in Greece. And you were saying how beautiful the vacation sounded. And then I said, my children go to bed at 8 p.m. And therefore I have to go to bed at 8 p.m. And in that way, I will never know a vacation ever again. And I don't recommend it. You don't ever sound rested when you come home from vacation. I'm not. No, no, I'm not. I was working with you guys. When you guys came back from Hawaii, I was like, oh man. And you were like, it's just dead. No, I'm keeping people from drowning for eight hours of my day. It's not rest. That's great. It's anxiety. But they're having a blast. And in that way, I go, I did it. I did everything I was supposed to do. You did it because your family does seem so happy. They're so happy. They're so happy. That's all I need. Yeah, man. That is my pleasure is that they're happy and sure I'm going to write nasty things about them.

54:30Yeah. I'm going to say nasty things about them on podcasts. That's the only freedom I have. Yeah. Because otherwise I serve them. If that's what it is, that's not going to work for me. Yeah. If parenthood is enough. They're joyous enough. Yeah. I'm going to have to find a different way to do it. Skip it all together because that one's not going to work for me personally. That's not my idea of how it'll go. And so in that way, I was giving you great advice from me. Yeah. But maybe somebody else is going to do this better than I am. From the heart. Yeah. But he also loves it. So it's like interesting is weird. Yeah. No, I really like them. They're good. They're good people. Are you going to do it? You're going to be a dad? I. Yeah, probably. I think so. Okay. Yeah. I see that you're going to be. I don't like that. I'm like packing. You know what? I like like packing and stuff. I think he's going to be. He's going to be like a. He goes to the beach with like a cooler and like he brought shrimp cocktail to the beach. Did you? Yeah.

55:30I'm scared. What did you said you like packing? So you're worried about being a dad? No, I'm not. I think I think that I almost have stolen valor with being a dad where I like all the stuff, but with no kids. Not in a weird way, but just like, you know what I mean? You're good at dad tasks. Yeah, yeah. He brought a kite. And it was great, right? It was a great kite. I tried to find a kite the other day. I was having a park hang with my friends and I was like, we do need a kite. Caleb, catch you a kite. That's pretty cool. I was in big five the other day. They got all kinds of stuff. Yeah. They got lugs in there. The boot? Yeah. Are you familiar with lugs? I know lugs. Okay. Yeah. I wasn't sure how much lugs had made it into the white community. That's a good question. Okay. It seems like a certain type of white guy who was wearing lugs for sure. I knew white guys that wore Tim's, but white guys that wore lugs, they seemed like they'd be terrifying. Yeah. White guys who wore Tim's scared the shit out of me in high school. As they should. They were fighting on the Votec bus crazy style.

56:30They went to Votec for sure. They were raining punches. These about to make a hundred K a year welding. Yeah. After this is over. I was going to Votec for home act mining my business. I remember Denver. Denver. You're the name of a guy who would beat your fucking ass. Denver. I didn't want to get in a fight because I didn't want to be in trouble. But Denver. White guy in Tim's and a South Pole jacket. Oh no. He would walk past me mining my business. He'd go, what are you looking at pussy? And I'd be like, not Denver. Go away. He always wanted to fight somebody. It was crazy. I was like, Denver, I know you have a challenging home life, but get the fuck away. He has to. He has to. He was fucked up. I was like, what are you bigger than everybody else even in high school? What did you say? You're a tall person. You're a tall person. You're a tall person. This is so scary for me. One more time. Folks, what a pickle I've gotten myself into. Free space. Probably wondering. I wonder how I got here.

57:31So you were bigger than everyone in the building and cleaning the adults, right? Can they get big as hell? Just get more. Yeah. More tails from your big ass life. My life is a house. I had to get that one in. That was beautiful. Yeah, I was bigger than everyone. Yeah. So did that keep them from wanting to fight you? He never really fought me. He always wanted to pick a fight with somebody, but he never actually swung on me. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know who would have worn. He was scrappy and had a way worse life than me. I don't know what he's up to these days. Well, those are two huge factors. Yeah. Scrappiness and having nothing to lose. In a winning a fight. Yeah. Like, I have things to lose and I'm not particularly scrappy. Like, if you're fighting, like, don't fight guys who are outside a lot. I say that too. You know what I mean? Like, he seems like he's just fighting to keep warm. Skip it. Skip it. This is his second fight this week. Yeah. Put your eyes back on. Outside guys are scary, scary guys.

58:33I think that's how Shyla Buff has really been able to maneuver as like this version of himself. You think he's outside a lot? He's just outside a lot, so we can't tell if he can fight or not. That's a good point. He's also pulling his shorts up a lot, which is a, you know, when it's so confident, it's scary. When a guy is acting crazy and he starts pulling his shorts up, do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Exactly what you're saying. Yeah. Exactly. Oh, I actually don't want to fight. If you adjust your clothes at all, I assume you know what you're doing. Yeah, you're getting ready. You don't want this in your way. I've false flagged a pants pull up before. Yeah. It's like to see more confident like I wanted to fight. 100% out of go. I didn't fight. Nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a public house. This wasn't nearly as long ago as it should have been. Yeah. I false flagged a pants pull up to get out of a fight. It's so fucking funny. You knew you weren't going to win this fight. No, I knew I didn't want to fight. You were. I never want to fight. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

59:33No, that's real. But sometimes you just let enough shit slide every now and again. You're like, all right, I got to stand on this one. Yeah, that's real. Yeah, go to bed tonight. Yeah. Damn. You're more of a lover, really, I think. Yeah, I think so for sure. Yeah, I think so. 100%. Three lovers. This is a three lovers episode. This is the three lovers. This is a three lovers lounge. This is a three lovers episode. I'm not really a fighter. Lovers and daddy. Lovers and daddy. Some of us like it. Some of us don't. Who said it? Who said it? I come back to it. I continue to wonder from a journalistic point of view. Who said it? And we're never going to know. That's the great part. Who fucking said it? If it doesn't come out over sandwiches after we press stop on this recording. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm killing myself. You need to know who said it. I want to say it was mandal. It feels like a cold take mandal would have. Yeah, mandal says so. I don't know him. You don't know mandal. Really? We got it. You guys in a room. Well, I've seen him on you.

1:00:33He's very funny. Yeah. I don't know him personally. Oh, I would love to see you. None of us do. You what? None of us do. No. That's the beauty of mandal is that he is almost like a cryptid. Yeah. He's sort of like strange lore that lives behind the whole aesthetic. Yeah. Yeah, he's wonderful. I love him. He's like a tall tail. Yeah, exactly. He's an arpaul bunny. I was about to say he's tall on you. Yeah. Yeah, he's got a big blue ox on him. Yeah. Running around. Damn. That's a fun way to be described. I'll never, that's, see, any kind of like mystery or any kind of anybody who gets described as like, no one really knows what that guy's thinking. I'll never have that. You don't think so? I'm sure. Yeah, you're such an open book. All I've ever done is talk completely honestly about the way I feel. I have ruined any chance at mystery. That's right. I've never noticed mysterious people, whenever you get too close, it is usually a letdown. For sure. Like, there's so many people I've been like, oh, you hear so much about this person.

1:01:35You're like, they're so interesting. And then you talk to him, you're like, oh, I think it's just a person who doesn't say a lot. But then, and his handsome. It's like an attractive person who doesn't say a lot. Yeah. He's shrouded in mystery. But then you look at like how long Johnny Depp thrived and you go, well, that was worth it. Yeah, we did not want to hear him talk. Yeah, we did not want to hear him talk. Otherwise, you find out he's been, he's at Boo Boo on his chest the whole time. Yeah, this wasn't the first time somebody shit in his bed. Yeah, this is just the first time we're hearing of it. Yeah, you know what I mean? Previously, the Emperor's shit was invisible. Yes. And then came into vision and we said, we don't like seeing that shit on your chest. No, we don't think the hotter you are, the less you should talk. That's actually really, really compelling. In a very, I'm not kidding, Wayne. I like that as a rule. I don't disagree with it. Yeah, like it's like, you know, you're only going to disappoint us. Yeah, it's so slow right now. Yeah, I didn't have a choice. I had to start talking about that young age. I've been flabbing since I came out. I had to start what?

1:02:35The only reason I talk so much is because I had to start controlling the narrative. Yeah, I'm a very young age. I know what you think this is. I was fat and gay and Missouri trust. I was getting my message out first. Folks, you're going to hear some nasty rumors about me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Some things are going to come out. I want to get ahead of it now. I was my own Olivia Pope. First of all, I'm not gay. That's called school spirit. Let's start there. I'm setting the parameters of the discussion. I'm actually the person who looks the most like the president. Yeah, so what now? I really, yeah, I was tied. I started talking so quick. I remember getting in trouble for talking in school all the time. And I was like, well, you guys are being boring as fuck. I'm not allowed to talk, but you're being boring. I'm sorry, I respect teachers, but the teachers I had a lot of them. I had some good ones, but a lot of them would give us like stupid little bullshit assignments that took me like three minutes. And then it'd be like 17 minutes of accompanied silence after I was done. I'm like, I can't, this is torture. Well, the problem is as a former teacher and I will stand up for us a little bit.

1:03:37You are the only one finishing that fast. Right. And everybody else really needs that full 17 minutes. And I don't know what the fuck to do with you. It took me all day to put these worksheets together. Damn. Just chill, bro. What you should have done is talk with me. Maybe they're also working on it. You and I go chit chat. That's right. Me and the teacher. That's fair. Mr. Kerman tells you about Greece. Mr. Kerman tells me about Greece. Tell me about your trip. Yeah, yeah. Tell me about some things that are going on. And I go, you're more talented in the rest of these kids. You could go to Greece. And I go, no, because I make a teacher salary. I certainly will. I only go to Greece once I become a comedian in this case. Damn. Damn. I have nothing to talk to the child about. None of your life adornments were when you were teaching. Bro, I was riding the train and drinking, cracking. Man, that sucks. It sucks it. You see what we do in this country? Our teachers have to drink rum. Yeah, I was drinking rum. Gimmick rum. Make the rum as black as can be.

1:04:38Our teachers have to ride the train. They have nothing to talk to. Yeah, not anything. You're not going to be a racquet. You shouldn't. But if you have, we could talk about it. Do you think you would have been, do you think if teaching paid really well, do you think you would have ever become a comedian? If you could have got the same money. Yeah, I wasn't. I wasn't fulfilled. Oh, okay. Yeah, I know. I knew from the beginning I was like, these kids, I'm not going to be permanent in there. I'm not going to be a comedian. I'm not going to be a comedian. I'm not going to be a comedian. I'm not going to be a comedian. I'm not going to be a comedian. I'm not going to be permanent in their lives. This is damn. This is me figuring it out. But I want to have as much impact. Well, you're such a hard worker. You're such a hard worker. I'm here. Yeah, I wasn't. Imagine while you were in it, you were. I wasn't being a piece of shit. I was giving them my all. But the whole time I was like, I got to get out of this. I remember one time. That's how I felt when I joined the Air Force. It took me one millisecond. There was a split second where I was like, David was in the air. David was in the air. Oh, allow me to process that for you.

1:05:39Okay. Paint cleaner Air Force. I remember one time we got in trouble. We were being too talkative one day. And one of our teachers is like fifth grade. She was like, you know what? After class today, we're all running windsprints. What? She was like, we're going to run windsprints as upon a couple of weeks. She said that. And as soon as she said it, I turned to the kid next day. I was like, we're not doing that. I was like, we're not running windsprints. And the whole day, she kept being like, no, keep it up. She would have whatever you want, act however you want, because we're running windsprints. And then she took us out to the playground and was like, run wind, she's like, get in a line. And then she had a whistle. And she was like, start running. And I didn't run. Wow. And she was like, you were powerful. She was like, run. I was like, you're not the gym teacher. I remember saying, you're not the gym teacher. That's what the gym teacher did. That's where you drew the line. I was like, gym teacher can tell us to run. You're not that bitch. Yeah. And she was like, she was like, do you want to go to the principal's office? And I was like, and she sent me to the principal's office. And I didn't get in trouble. Wow. Which was the start of this whole evil empire that I would have been so scared of you as a kid. I just was like, that doesn't make sense.

1:06:39The level of power that you just talked about wielding. God. It was lashing me. I have a gear at daddy. Hey. I will say you were the scariest type of kid that I ever faced. The kid who doesn't buy into the program. Yeah. The kid who doesn't know that there are other rules. Do you want to mean like, or that knows that there are other rules that like I have to abide by. That's dangerous. The kid who knows that you have a boss. Yeah. Yeah. It's actually not chill to just make kids run. And you can't do that. Crazy. Yeah. Actually, still crazy of her. It is really crazy. I think also like in her defense, whatever she was, she was, I'm sure she was having a really bad day. But I think the issue with me and a lot of teachers was I was doing a lot of stuff for myself at home from a very young age. So I was like, why are you treating me like an idiot? Like I do so much of my day by myself. And now I'm in trouble with you because I talk a little bit. Keep in mind I'm making myself dinner tonight. You know what I mean? There was a disconnect where I was like, you're treating me like I'm an idiot and I'm like actually like it bothered me.

1:07:41And that's, that's. Wow. You took a lot more, you took, you drew a lot more power from being a latch key kid than I did. I never thought about it that way. I didn't think of it as a powerful tool in my arsenal. I was embarrassed. Yeah. So that was a source of shame for me. Yeah. I wore, we had our back door had a skeleton key. It like literally was just an old enough door that a skeleton key was. And so I wore my key around my neck. Of course. And it was like, yeah, but that was, that's how I got in my home. Yeah. Did you lose a lot of keys? No, because I had to wear it around my neck. It was like a fucking, that was all I had. I stayed losing keys outside all the time, bro. I bet you're almost pissed. Dog, it would be like sometimes it'd be like, all right, you just can't have a keep for a while then. You just got to be outside, kid. What were you doing? What do you mean? Like how were you losing them so often?

1:08:42I was just outside cutting up. Yeah. Outside playing around. I was throwing my key. I was in the apartments. That's my friend in it. Taking out of my pocket, throwing around. Daring other kids to eat it. You want to play hide and seek? To watch me eat it. You want to play hide and seek key style? Yeah, I would just lose it all the time. And then I'd have to have like two weeks where I didn't have my key. You're fucked. You're poor mom just being like, I can't get another key man. I feel like you're dumb kid losing a fucking key every day. Okay, I thought I was going to pay the card note this month, but I feel like it's so much. I think it's so much you had to be like, where are all these keys? Because I also had nothing as a key. I was, I even rarely had my backpack on me. I was truly like a loose child. You were going outside just raw. Bro, I was loose outside. No, I was loose outside. I feel embarrassed leaving the house without a backpack even now. See, that's nuts. You have a family. Yeah, I need, I need to stuff. And that's why we're so, we're so similar, but we're so opposite on other things.

1:09:42I don't like leaving the house with ID now. That's good though. Yeah, I don't like you. It feels like I'm too, yeah. What do you need it for? And, and I'm sure there'll be reasonable about you not having ID. Who's there? Exactly. Yeah, exactly. When was the last time you had to have ID? I don't know man. I don't know man. I don't know man. I don't know man. It's kind of coming up. Yeah, almost like it's a problem. Yeah. Almost it's like that's not how people should live. It is crazy, the things that like the right wing crowd is getting cool with all of a sudden. Yeah. Just because they want to do racism against immigrants. They're like, yeah, I should always have my ID on me and be able to prove on my citizen. It's like, what? I really didn't do that shit. I really didn't realize they wanted it that bad. Yeah. Okay, you know what? I knew they loved it. Like, listen, we all know you guys love this shit. Clearly you love it. You got these jokes or whatever. I didn't know they were willing to put themselves down to keep it in place. They are going to hell. It's really embarrassing. They're taking everyone down with them. They're like, yeah, I don't mind constantly having to prove on my citizen. Yeah. I do.

1:10:42What do you talk about? I do for sure. Not giving my ID to some fucking random cop. I hate giving my, I hate giving my ID. I hate fingerprints. I hate fingerprints. I hate it all. I don't trust bouncers enough to believe that they are calculating the age and dates. So we're working at it too quick. Yeah, they don't know that math. You don't know that math. Because they always go, yep, good. Bro, it's a Connecticut idea. You don't even have it memorized. You don't know where the date is. Yeah, the date is in the different spot. Yeah. The fuck are you talking about? It's not like that. And I've gotten into places with wrong IDs so many times. It's like, no, this is not. Yeah, you don't give a shit. I've gotten into a lot of places I shouldn't have been by lying confidently. Yeah. Walking past a huge line and going, we're on the list. Thank you. Just walking. Whoa. Works. Once again, that's, it works these days because I've been in this. That is the same. But it worked before that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's the same energy that you entered the, I'm not doing windsprints thing. Well, the windsprints thing is, I'm editorializing from the future. You know what I mean? In saying what I was thinking. I wasn't saying out loud to my teacher like, actually, make dinner for myself. I will not be running.

1:11:42Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I do think there's a, I've also been turned away many times doing that. So you had to become to war with rejection. I've got to be a tough L to take though too. Hugeo. And I think the, especially in front of your friends. Yeah. The type of people that have. In guys I got us. But the type of people that have that ambition ahead of time are the type of people that then beat when they become powerful are able to, to actually, to abuse it off. Yeah. I think there's the power of it. Yeah. Congratulations. Yeah. That's the chat. I had a chapter that I'm in. That's good. Because I worry about that. I always think like of me and you get power. I don't know if we're going to be great about it. Bro, we don't get to talk down to nobody. Dog. We were, man, remember when we were, this is embarrassing. You remember when we were playing Mario Kart at our cave? Yeah, yeah. And we were both like, yeah, I'm kind of a Luigi guy. And we both got a moment where we were like, damn, that's, yeah. Yeah, yeah. No, somebody's got to be a Mario. Yeah. Who's our Mario? Fuck, we need a Mario bat. Caleb, you're our Mario. You're our Mario. I'm fucking jumping down the pipes.

1:12:44Looking for brand deals. Follow me. At this way. Shit. What is so true to you guys? Did you prepare a joint? We did prepare. Oh, we did. That was what we were talking about. It's Mario. Yeah. When he was at some Martin F. We were talking about Mario Kart. We were talking about Mario Kart. We were talking about Mario Kart. Yeah, when he was at some Martin F. And we were having a hefty debate about what our so true would be. And we landed on this. Uh-huh. We, we, we, mommy and daddy believe that it's not your full set it. Who set it? Who set it? That if you wear sunglasses inside, you should be treated with the same harshness and judgment We treat sex perverts. Really? That's right. Oh, wow. I think we have to start being a country again. We got to tighten up on that shit. Looking people in the eye. It's getting way too loose. It's getting, we are doing dark shades.

1:13:44Especially in Los Angeles. In, in, in dark rooms, it's nuts. Yeah. Okay. I've worn sunglasses indoors recently. Okay. It's a change that I've made. I've gone in that direction. Why? I'm good at that because I was outside with them on. Yeah. And then I went inside. And you work. That's usually how it works. I agree. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Okay, I think we're talking different. I think we're more speaking of like you go to a nice dinner. I like it. It's dark outside. Yeah. Like you like you wear them at night inside. He's not fighting this. He likes. I've done that recently. I've sometimes gotten involved with. We might need a new Mario. It felt kind of cool. Mario got awesome. Yeah, it felt kind of cool. You guys really hated that much. You said I'm a sex person. Well, you're the same. Yeah, I'm the same as a sex person. Yeah, nobody gets hurt. You don't think that it creates a disconnect for you and the people that you're sitting with. You don't find it incredibly off-putting?

1:14:46I didn't even think about it. I've only done it twice. Okay. I've only done it twice. What happens to you when you encounter someone wearing sunglasses at night inside? You don't find it off-putting. I don't mind it at all. You don't mind it. I don't mind it at all. That's beautiful. I certainly don't think of them as equivalent to sex perverts. You don't. I'm open to that. I'm very open to you guys. You don't say what are you hiding? No. I imagine that they're just sleepy or they have a bloodshot eye or they were able to stone or something. Oh. Because that's what happened to me the first time I did that. I kind of liked it. I was too stoned. And I knew that if my eyes were out in the open, then I felt that people were going to see that I was too stoned and start making assumptions. That was about me. I was in a face of fear. What assumptions? That I was too high. And then why? I'm the kind of guy who gets too high. OK. You have to understand. I'm in a high anxiety moment. I am. There's a stoner. He's a stoner. So I was going to say you are. Yeah, why was? I've been off weed for a while now. Oh, wow. I feel fine. But I miss being numb.

1:15:46That's where I'm at. Oh, wait, numb, baby. I'm feeling, I'm like, I'm not even a huge stoner. I smoked maybe a couple of times a week. Yeah. And I'm like, oh, this is a time of, this is like, oh, it's a Wednesday night. And I'm in the house two hours before I'm going to go to bed. This is a time where I normally just get stoned and go ahead and zoom those hours right by. Yeah. And I'm like feeling those hours. And I'm going, I miss, I miss just kind of zipping these apart. What are you now feeling the hours with? I'm trying to do productive stuff. I'm trying to do productive stuff. What are you actually doing? TV, television, documentaries. I watched a six-part documentary on Teddy Roosevelt. That's productive. What was it the PBS one? Yeah, he's a very interesting guy. Do you have the PBS pass? No. OK. No, I don't know how I got it. I also watched a six-part documentary. You keep asking. He keeps asking nobody saying he has. Yeah, he keeps everybody talking. I watch a lot of those PB. I love them so much. Really? The Roosevelt, you watch the Teddy one, not the one about the Roosevelts. Yeah, Teddy Roosevelt. Called this guy Kim Burns Jr. Man, fuck him.

1:16:47I fucking love him. You know what's a fun one to watch is the denim one. You should get the PBS pass. And then you can watch them all. It's really a good time. I just did one on the Founding Fathers as well. Oh, you know what else is good is the Gilded Age one. I haven't seen it. They just invented society. New York society is so fun to watch. Gilded age invented society. Yeah, and then like, talk about how these guys were all monsters. They were built used to spit everywhere. It's really fun. Yeah. You see the rich people have always been trash. And I like that. That's cool, man. Teddy Roosevelt, in many ways, a bad guy. But in some interesting ways, very good qualities. Really wanted to prove that he was strong. One to prove he was strong. And also it was kind of like would go into like a child, co-workers, apartments where they lived after work. Yeah. They'd be like, their hand and be like, we're going to fix this. Whoa. It was racist. So you know, we give him we take on that. Oh, is that what his bad guy shit was? Was that he was just racist? Oh, he was racist. But then he would, he also did some, like, he was racist and did some really racist shit while he was in office.

1:17:48But then at the same time, who did he want to meet? Thank you. Thank you. That means the world to me. Who was the black Barack Obama? Yes. There was a black thinker or poet, and he had, if he had Eddie Griffin to dinner. That's my guess who's coming into. He had Eddie Griffin to picture them at dinner together. Teddy Roosevelt just being stressed out by Eddie Griffin. Funny because they'd be using a lot of the same slang terms. He was an interesting guy. Yeah. He was an interesting guy. I, who do you have to dinner? Booker T Washington. Yeah, Booker T Washington. I think he was like house. It was Booker T Washington's house. How was it? Pretty cool. Yeah. He was there, right? No, there is it. It's you can go to his house at Tuskegee. If you go to Tuskegee, they still have his house preserved. He was a complicated guy too though, Booker T. I think all those, I don't think that you get to be any level of like the best guy without having pretty fucked up positions somewhere in the middle of that.

1:18:49Yeah. I personally believe I don't think that, and we talked about this, I don't think that we should learn anything else about people after they die. Yeah. I think. I know more news about them. What I know, I know. That's it. What are you hiding? Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Langston, what are you hiding? That's for me to keep is my point. Right. And if you don't find out. I think you're going to take to the grave. I don't think whatever. Yeah. I think that's what I win the game. Yeah. That's what Prince was on. You know what I mean? Like he was like, bro, I'm out here doing wild shit. You all know I do wild shit. Keep my name out your mouth. I think Prince kind of did win the game. He won. I think if anybody won, I think Prince, like the game of like entertainment and success. I think Prince probably won. You guys have heard about the documentary they made. Yeah, that didn't come out. Yeah, they had a whole Prince documentary that's supposed to be the greatest documentary documentary ever made. It's like a beautiful, complicated exploration of this dude that we know so little about.

1:19:50And then through like them attempting to get the acquire it and then the family sort of are like the remaining folks, the estate, protecting it. Now the documentary is dead. It will never see the light of day. That's good. And he won. Yeah. He wins. He didn't want that shit. Prince won. Yeah. Prince won. Blouses game. Checkmate. Checkplaces. Checkmate. Game Prince. He won. He's the only one. Yeah, he's the only one. Because when you die, everybody's like, oh, he pissed his pants that time. Yeah, we know what Teddy Roosevelt was up to. Yeah. He's gonna play a game. Yeah, let's do that. Okay. I'm excited. You guys decide how you handle this. But basically, as a duo, if you, I'm gonna read you 15 statements, you're gonna tell me as quickly as you can if what I just said was true or false. If you guys get 10 or more correct, we're gonna give each of you 50 US dollars. Wow. You're back and forth just shooting. Yeah, that sounds good to me. Ford is older than Volkswagen. False. True. Komodo dragons can have virgin births.

1:20:51True. That is true. Ashley Tisdell is Canadian. False. False. She's American. Yes. Yes. Yes. IKEA has no stores in Brazil. True. That is true. The Denver Nuggets have only won the NBA championship once. So, I wish that had been a length and got demon. That is true. The Titanic song can 1929. True. False. False. False. Damn. False. It was 1912. Vertical angles are never equal. False. False are always equal. There have been three, three, three theatrically released in Arnia movies. True. That is true. Lasagna Day is August 14th in the US. False. False. It's July 29th. Wow. On your day. Crazy. That's nuts. Crazy. I hate that. And it's so close to fucking Fourth of July. Why would you want Lasagna Day during summer vacation?

1:21:51I'm still stuffed. I'm still stuffed. Put that shit in January. February. It should be February for 15th for everybody who's sad about Valentine. Here 100% right. That's, yeah, I know. That's totally it. Come on, let's February. We should start campaigning February. Let's tell our wives first. Maybe we got new traditions. Mommy and daddy got in the lab and figured something out today. Oh, that's, that's, that's, that's catching on. Bringing that up was very vulnerable. So you're sharing, okay? Betty White was born in Oak Park, Illinois. True. That is true. He's from Oak Park. I know. Some of these I should have, it's a, I should have chosen who they went to. The factorial for Xero is one. False. That's true. The Motorola Razer 2 was released in 2007. True. That feels right. Yeah, that feels true to me. The Razer 2. The Razer 2. No, oh. R-A-Z-R.

1:22:51Yep. That feels true. That feels true. It is true. Yeah. Wendy's has discontinued the Baconator. False. That is false. Got my little brother Baconator. Three weeks ago, this dude's an animal. Cuddlefish had blue blood. True. That is true. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck you guys are amazing. There's nothing you guys can't do together. We really feel that way. The my mama told me YouTube channel currently has 799 videos. Oh no. True. False. False. There's no way we have 800 videos. Okay. False. It's true. Yeah. How they do that? You knew that? Hey for YouTube Premium. Yeah, nah, never will. How they do, Chance? 11. Wow. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. Let's go. That was so, yeah. 100 total or 25 each? It's 50 to each of you. Totally for 100. And the sandwich. Let's go.

1:23:51We up. And wave water bottles and Google Pixel. This is the best day in my comedy career. It's a good day to be a part of the family. It's a beautiful day. Thank you guys for doing it. This was so great. Thanks for having us. It's so fun. Tell people where they can support you. Find you, love you. My mama told me on all platforms. Yeah. Follow us. Instagram. We're part of the wave family now. We're under Caleb's banner. It's all beautiful. And yeah, follow us on all social media platforms. My mama told me. You've heard of 7 p.m. in Brooklyn. This is 6 p.m. in downtown LA. Weird vibes. I'm going to be honest. Weird vibes. Weird, strange energy. Our studio is not located in a great spot. Carmelo is not showing up. And we'll figure that out. Hey, he wasn't the one who won us that won championship. I don't know why I said that. No, that's not worse. He's down the hall, dude. And I also really loved it. I just always felt like he didn't like our city. And that made me sad. But I really do love it. Yeah. Shout out. On September 10th.

1:24:51I've waited such a long time for this. She has. Prepare to be bewitched for the own sisters. Yeah, everyone we love dies. It's not great. It's in their fire. Sandra Bullock. Here's the thing about magic. It won't be silenced. Nicole Kidman. Everything is going to be okay. Maybe it's going to be okay? Just like it was when we had to bury a corpse under a rose bush? Different. The practical magic too. Really PG-13. Maybe an appropriate for children under 13. Only in theaters of September 10th. Did you know that mosquitoes have killed almost half of all people who have ever lived? Today, people are fighting back. With support from the Gates Foundation. I'm going to be honest. I'm going to be honest. I'm going to be honest. I'm going to be honest. With support from the Gates Foundation. American scientists and partners around the world have developed a new generation of bednets that can kill up to 90% of mosquitoes exposed to them. Helping cut malaria rates in half. The result? A safer, healthier future for everyone. The Gates Foundation. Partners of Human Potential. Search Gatesfoundation.org slash mosquito to learn more.

1:25:52Hey, it's Ryan Reynolds here for Mint Mobile. Now, I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited premium wireless. For $15 a month is back. So I thought it would be fun if we made $15 bills. But it turns out that's very illegal. So there goes my big idea for the commercial. Give it a try at MintMobile.com slash switch. Up from payment of $45 for three months. 90 dollars for six months or $180 for 12 month plan required. $15 per month equivalent to taxes and fees extra. Initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes. Me slow when network is busy. See terms.