Dr. Amy Hoyt on Parenting with Agency & Personal Choice

A concept we have explored a lot on this show and in the Tilt community is agency — and always in the context of how to scaffold and support our kids in developing agency or helping them have a bigger sense of control and autonomy in their lives. But guess what? We — the parents and caregivers in our kids’ lives — we need agency too. And in this conversation, we’re going to be exploring how to expand our own sense of agency and personal choice so we can show up more intentionally to our daily lives as parents.

And to talk with us all about this is Dr. Amy Hoyt, a mom of five children, three of whom are differently wired, and an author, podcaster and speaker passionate about helping others learn skills that allow them to parent and live with intention and agency. During this conversation, you’ll hear us talk about what agency and choice look like in the context of parenting and how micro choices can help us develop an internal locus of control, which is critical for us to have. Amy also gave us a few short, easy practices we can do that will help us strengthen our sense of agency, as well as reset our nervous system, which for so many of is us in need of support, especially if we tend to operate in a more hypervigilant state due to stressors in our parenting lives.

And because Amy is an expert in trauma, we actually begin our conversion by talking about how residual trauma in adults can be triggered by our parenting journey and how it might show up, especially when we’re raising differently wired kids and we may be differently wired ourselves. And on that note, a quick trigger warning – in the beginning of this conversation, Amy shares why working in trauma is something she felt called to do, and as part of that, talks about abuse she experienced as a child. So please take care of yourself if that’s a subject that is difficult for you. 

Things you’ll learn from this episode

• What trauma is and how it can show up in our lives and bodies
• Where to start if you want to get to know and work to heal your own trauma
• What a physiological sigh is and how you can use it to reset your nervous system
• What agency is in the context of parenting, and why it’s so important to have
• What it means to be “in choice” in our parenting lives, and how micro choices can help develop an internal locus of control
• How agency and trauma are connected