Ep 593 - Nollywood (feat. Ben Avery & Kevin Iso)

Wow, wow, Wes Chinese girl, man

Just leave with it just lead with it

I sure he needs girlfriend

This guy's a genius I heard it for three seconds. No, I can't forget. I know

Chinese girlfriend

How sad would you be though dude? You're like a maybe 55-year-old black dude and you lose your Chinese girlfriend

That would kill me

I just feel like more so and again you can correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like you know if I had a Chinese girlfriend

I mean I married my family probably disapproved, but

If I had a Chinese girlfriend my family would be like

Kind of sick. I might get a couple like a Chinese girlfriend

But I feel like in a black family to have a Chinese girlfriend you'd get a mega high five correct me if I'm wrong

From the unks from the oh from the men. Oh, yeah, men would they be like you did it right. Yeah

The man would definitely

Women that

They don't like that do they

I think all women don't like seeing their man of race date a other race women are quietly racist against

They don't like interracial stuff. Oh, you think white women mine. Oh, they do. I know they do. Oh, they do

Oh, yeah, they care. They're no they get mad. Oh, they'll tease. They'll get like three glass of wine and be like sound

Damn black

Are you afraid she's only big you up? They get like a couple glass of white white wine

And all the dad's information just trickles out

I'm afraid he's gonna beat you

I'm gonna hit you

I've been you know, I'm in an age gap interracial relationship. So I know

Is it you think it's you think it's harder you think it's harder to lose your girlfriend when you older or younger

You mean lose? Yeah, cuz you said it's pretty rough on a 55 year old dude to lose your Asian girlfriend. Yeah, man

I think it's rougher when you're younger. Yeah, you lose them easier when you're younger. Yeah, you got you lose

Yeah, I mean pre 30 every girl's a kind of free agent

Once they kind of hit 30 then they start going like all right. Let me nestle into the sitch right because you know

But then but then when you young you lose them you didn't really ever really have them even though you thought you did

true when you old and you lose them that that yeah, and and that's your final form

Yeah, it's like I've seen the flower is fully bloomed

And no thank you for me. Well, you got I'm gonna take my chances dating as a 50-year-old woman

Which probably is no picnic if I do imagine

Yeah, yeah, people say like uh, you know before you date a woman just like look at her mother. Yeah, I'm like

I'm not gonna do that. I thought they're saying was fat to her mother

Oh, yeah, I thought it was before you date a woman try to fat to her mother

And if you drink one off

The night before the wedding

Big photo over on an iPad

I thought the same

I think that's the last that's the last hurrah of your bachelor party

You know

But is that when you truly love your wife that you fuck your bomb?

You know, I baby. I love you so much

I would eat your

I mean, I don't like I mean that is one form I guess, but that is the saying like you know if you think her mom's hot

That's what her daughter's that's what her daughter's gonna look like yeah, yeah

And sometimes they don't pan out. I would like the opposite

I like to have a very attractive woman with an absolutely busted mom and just sit on the edge of my seat for like 15 years

Just to see the transformation

That's a talent. Yeah, true. It's a talent. You just wait for that meatball to cook him up, and you know

She looks like I was at all. Sorry. It's all fucked up. That's okay. I'm got a little technical difficulty

We have phone books maybe to where I can do this or we can't have that

You got a cowboy mic. Hey, oh

Oh, you got it. I'm not having my having problems because I'm tall so either or no

Now my mic's fine. I think I have a different mic catches

Dude thanks for doing it man Ben Avery Kevin ISO. Thank you, Matt. Thank you. You guys are coming

Sean was telling me that you had some hot takes on the Ethiopian scandal. It's you don't even got the right

Somali my bad dude. I know I just I'm more Ethiopian than I think

Somali in tomorrow. Yeah, sorry. I just dude. I get a little nervous sometimes for 10 years. It's a hot button issue. Yeah, the Somali in

As recording you pitch me he goes the isotope has some takes on the

I feel like they've all been said at this point. No, no

But my my thing with it is

Eyes twofold right one is like they definitely scamming

But it's a matter of fact I think yeah, I mean it's it's happening

But at the same time that that doesn't exclude dude from being racist about going about the way he did it talking about the dude

Shirley. Yeah, well dude that was so I watched the video so I didn't know anything about it

So I'm like all right. Let's see what we have here and I read up on it first and it's like yeah for sure

There's there's like a matter of record scams going on for sure

But that dude was pulling on daycare doors right and being like where are the children?

They're like broke get out of here. He's like I fucking told you this was just you know you're legally

They're supposed to be locked right is you have a kid in daycare

It's locked doors and you're like please don't let them see into this building. I don't want weirdo staring in

I've never been allowed in a daycare

You have kids. I think you know, I'm in you got to come with that right energy and be like more the fucker the kids

Yeah, it's tax-packer

Exactly or film in the kids

So it's illegal, which is like you can't do that. Yeah, I don't think I really don't think you're allowed

I mean you I guess you can technically film them, but you can't do anything with the footage

Like even a daycare has to as a parent ask you if it's okay if they take pictures of your kids right

So if I roll in with the metas and I'm like show me the fucking children

Let me

We're just waving documents the video is insane. I why watched it being like oh man

They're gonna blow my socks off of the scandal and I was like this guy's out of his fucking mind

You're not he's wrong. You're not allowed. I mean again. It's like yes. There's clearly massive fraud

Minnesota. Yeah, he's acting like he blew the lid off. It's like bro. You're like a year and a half late

Right because I already caught the lady that was originally doing it. Well, dude

There was that there was also there was the autism centers that got busted

And then there was that what happened to autism centers. It's just a big building like this

Imagine if we all down here like yeah, we're working on autism kids. They came down. We're just doing a podcast

Making like a million dollars somebody got to start counting shit fast

Oh fuck they hear three four the biggest the biggest scam and again, these are just the ones you get caught

There was one for two hundred and fifty million dollars recently where during the during COVID

They were getting government funds. It was called like feed the future or something

And dude these it was like I think like 60 people got arrested

They were just taking money and it was unfortunate. It was mostly Somali and dudes

But they were taking the money and they took like two hundred fifty mill

In just like food bank money and they like you know, they tracked everything it was they were saying they bought they

Gave money to the whatever that terrorist organization is

They but they they did a deep dive. It was just sick whips. It went to warlords and stuff

No, it didn't they said it was but they like did a deep dive and it was apparently just like sick ass Lamborghini's and shit

But see so okay, so it's kind of tight

Yeah, that's and that's that's that's what one of the dudes like messed up that because they like he got in front of the

The learning center and he was like yeah, this is a this is a this is a legit business and then they went on his Instagram

He was in pictures with like lambo's and stuff is like damn. I don't know daycare

I think he pulled up on the uberie Twitter like scared and dude's like yeah

Yeah

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Wow

But that that's my thing with okay, so you said the the feed and center or whatever and I took it there is massive right

Just massive fraud and they busted it. They like they got them. I don't care. I mean fair

I personally. I just don't care

About people stealing my taxpayer dollars. That's a fair point. I don't know where them shit is going anyway

So what the fight they stealing the money

Did we took from you that you don't know what we do with it to be fair?

Somebody's gonna steal your taxpayer dollars. I think people need to wake up to that reality if it's not that blatant

It's gonna be a bazillion non-profits who are going like we just need a hundred thousand more and they just fucking pocket it right

And it's already or is going to the war shit and it's like I don't know where this shit is going at all bro

You don't send me no kind of update after I paid his money about yo, this is what this is doing here

The Venezuelan shits. I don't know the Venezuelan shits have been like pretty open as far as wars go

They're like yeah, we just took their oil. They're not even hiding it before like I rack was like we're going there

Just for the oil like remember not and they're like yeah, we went there for the oil and we fucking got it. Oh, they saying that now

Yeah, they just said like we took we seized their oil they went in there

They had the Venice what Maduro, I guess his name was was the

They were like he was a tyrant and you know, they're like we just couldn't stand that you know stand with that guy being a tyrant and like

Smuggling drugs into our country so we just stole all their we stole like a lot of their oil

We're just gonna take over their oil industry. Okay. I'm glad they being honest. That's what I'm saying

I thought I thought he was lying for a little bit because they were talking about the drug situation. I mean, what do they need oil for

Venezuela? Yeah, did traffic drugs we need it. They didn't put it. They do that. We're gas into a boat and traffic drugs

Fucking worry. It's a grant of thought of us country. No, that's a fair take. You don't so you were seeing a lot of the stuff about like

Fuck this is a bullshit and you're like yeah, I don't I don't care that they're scam. Let them scam. I don't

I don't know. Okay. Yeah. I don't care that they're scamming but also

I don't care where my taxpayer dollars go if they're scamming that kind of money. I rather them scam that money then

My money that I'm investing like whenever these white dudes is doing a fraud. It's money that you actually gave to in wrong

Like my real money. I

Rather you take the money that was already about to be taken

Did they you know, I mean, I don't know where it's going. So

You know, but

They definitely they definitely I'm not there's some six-year-old white cuz you're minnesota right now who are furious with that take

I don't care. I don't know where his taxpayer

He don't even know where his shit go. They taking the money, but my money. No, it's not

Your money is you don't know where the fuck you money at but my other thing what so with the with the with the racism shit

It's just like it's like it's like uh when I was used like walking the stores and like they will follow me around

Like who does like I steal it and then it's like oh you falling around just racism and I was stealing too

That's what the

That's what the minnesota share remind me of it's like yes racist, but yeah, I think they went the other way

I think the minnesota government was like how dare you say that and then that came out where it's like fuck

Yeah, you got act because they could have totally that's not a hard thing to check with like the autism centers

And so if you send out a couple people with clipboard's been like how many people we got in here. All right, we're good

I think they were kind of like

We trust you and they got fucking level

Yeah, probably I mean a problem with that shit too is that they they just put in all of Somalians now

And it's like across the country because this is a couple of Somalian homies. I got out here really that people are like

Oh, they just looking at they for it

He's looking at they for it. Are you smiling?

I was roughly if you're right

I mean, that's just that's the that's the part about it that just yeah, that's things the most that's done

But I mean, I here's the thing though like as a like a black American

Do you ever think about just like totally just ostracizing them and coming up off like dunking on them racially?

No, I'm not serious. You know, well, that's what I'm saying. Oh, so you're nice. You're you're from Nigeria

Yeah, yeah, I'm Nigerian by marriage. I totally get it

I was her family's Nigerian. Oh really? I've been to a Nigerian wedding. They're fucking sick. Yeah

I was just I was just that one a couple months ago beg the father of the bride. Oh, you did. Oh, I wanted to I asked to do it too

Like now you got chill, but you didn't have a Nigerian wedding. No, no, she's like, you know, she's not like her like grandmother

Supposedly is, but you know, okay enough from

We're you know, we're from but this is the map of the day cares. It was 4,000

In a 20 mile radius these the ones that are fraud it. It's not that's a lot of things when I hear it when people go

Why are some red and why are some green? I'm not sure, but somewhere in the middle of the water too

Well, they are pirates, right

Makes sense

I personally when everybody went up to the day when people went up to the daycares are like there's no kids

In the Somalian daycares. I was like I was relieved. I was like thank god. There's no chill. It's like worst case scenario

When I think like thank god there and we were you were you were you were you were they like chivalrous

I thought you're worried

They chiseled out the cement floors were mining with you

I

When did they when did they run into these daycares to that's the that's my other thing because I saw this you know Christmas

I mean here's I ain't nobody to date. I'm like. It's the holiday

So there's a really special this video is debunking it. I didn't go looking for that. Oh, so here's a thing too

Should I propire it? I've always loved pirates

Who doesn't love pirates true. That's fair

So the video itself apparently and this I was curious too because

They looked into it and it was like no these were all legit daycares because I guess whatever

Minnesota

State came through Minnesota if I came through and just like no these all check out and then you go okay

Well, was this like a government cover up like the Democrats being like dude. We can't take another political hit

It's gonna be an election year

But then it's like apparently it's it's I think they were legitimately running because dude like Republican like lawyers

They were the moment that video came out. There was probably a bazillion lawyers like digging in and all that stuff

So if it wasn't above board, they would have I think they would have cracked it

You know what I mean? Yeah, cuz they're like the you know if you get like the Republican guys they're super

Motivated to like prove that there are scanners. Just look at it. It's a big slam dunk

You're a slam dunk 360 slam dunk, but they already got the slam dunk

The young youtuber went in for like a weird victory lap. Did you oh we're happy Tim waltz quit him

Oh, yeah, I saw it. I saw it. He was a head shot. It was a head shot

And he ate a waltz was like that guy went on like I ended waltz

And reality is kind of meamed into existence anyway

So it doesn't really matter what's true. So he had to take the out. I don't even know if it's real or not

Have you actually found out it like the real like definitive? I looked it up

There's there was a definitive scam people were prosecutor for 250 million dollars

If they think like say you're selling drugs when that finally gets busted

You don't bust them right away

So it was they were probably rocked they were running it for one year, yeah, they were rocking

They were obviously see then they rob this at land

They you know your know go ahead

No

And I so please have the floor. Look he wanted someone on to defend the pirates and

No, it wasn't it. I thought he was just a funny take because I didn't know anything about

it. And Gardini was like, yeah, I don't want to talk about it. I'm definitely, I'm definitely

passionate about it. I'm off for scams. I mean, we live in a bureaucracy, right? And like,

that's, you scams are supposed to be hidden within the bureaucratic state. That's why it exists

so they can do all their scams. Yeah. So when other people are, I mean, everybody's scamming,

Nancy Pelosi's scamming, you know, we're paying for health insurance for Israelis for some reason,

apparently. Tax dollars. Yeah, it's going everywhere. It's going everywhere, but us, to our roads,

to our children. There we go. So, you know, go pirates. Did you see, which is, which is a fair

point, by the way, everybody scamming. It's just that when you, when it's so obvious,

what the scam is, yeah, yeah, everybody get a little tight. We're like, yo, they know kids

in a daycare. It's like versus the bank fraud scam, where it's hard to see, you walk into the bank,

it looked like it's real shit. Yep. And then you pull the thing down and just pull it off a little

better. Yeah. And also too, like you have to think, if you're, I mean, I don't know, I don't know,

really much about Minnesota, but you can never underestimate just like an older kind of angry,

like white, old white guy. Yeah. There were eyes on those fucking guys. Yeah. They had eyes on

the Somalis from day one, this guy's going. He was on to them immediately. What the fuck is it?

They just got stared at for 10 years until a guy was like, hold on a second. I noticed something

here. Come on, man. You know how many signs I've seen Fargo, I've seen one Somalian inside that shit.

What? In the movie you're saying? In the show? All of it. Is Fargo in Minnesota? I think it's

said that's good. Yeah. I think Minnesota, maybe I don't know. Minnesota might have like the biggest

Somalian population. Yeah, because they let the men. Sanctuary, yeah. Sanctuary, right.

Huh? Because they scared me. No, they did Sanctuary City. Did you see the kid on CNN?

But you're the kid who did the video? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you see an in-review?

What was he doing? He can't, y'all can't play that shit on here. How many Nick Sherry? He looks

so dumb on there. Who Sherry? How old is Nick Sherry? Like 21. Yeah, that's the thing. He's a

youngster. Yeah, he's a youngster. He kind of end over his head a little bit. Yeah. He's

driving you to that old guy. He's next to the old guy. The old guy. He's waving tape through.

The old guy has a thousand pages of loosely for he's been tracking Somalians. He's that guy's not

fucking right. He's been thinking about preschools way before this scam ever happened. No, the thing

that they didn't mention though, they brought up in the video, which again, to the video's point,

like yes, they had a they have a major problem with Somalian scamming in Minnesota. But then there

was like these just vehicles that were like, hey, we can we just drive people around for medical

appointments. But then they were like, they're not checking. And again, I don't know if this guy's

heard that you're not saying it. He's like, but that's that's yeah, that's in every city, dude. Home

the home care hustles like the oldest thing in the world. Just chill with your aunt and get 30 bucks

an hour. Yeah, absolutely. Everywhere. That's everywhere. Which again, kind of chill. I honestly

think the home care thing is kind of that's kind of nice. That's a good scam. It's like a

low-stakes scam for even the daycare thing. It's a low-stakes thing for it. Like if you say that

you got 50 kids in a daycare, but you really got 25, who are you hurting? Yeah, well, there's

another 25 kids. You should be in there. Yeah, like they're they're printing so much money every

month anyway. Now it's yeah, money's not real anymore. I'm kidding. Yeah, I mean, hey, look,

it's all that too fucking once you guys came again. Shirley Shirley's going to be on your

fucking ass, dude. He's on the end you. You're next. You're on the Shirley hit list. That guy,

I'm skeptical of that guy's video. There's clearly like fraud of some kind, but he had a video with

Joe Biden where he was holding up immigration signs and shit. Who was this one? He was paying

immigrants to hold up signs that said like we're for Joe Biden because he's gonna have open borders

and like make Shirley cop to that that he was paying people in the video to look like. What?

So he stages stuff in his videos, but that doesn't mean it's not on that it's untrue. It just

means he embellishes things. Yeah, see he's scamming those scammers. Sure. I mean, he definitely

came up. And again, the video I watched it. I gave it an honest look and I was like, dude,

this is weird. Like ever I was like, I was trying to look at the comments and see if there

would be one person being like, yeah, you're not allowed to just barge into it. Everyone's like,

get him brother. If that was my kids daycare, someone was kicking in the door and they were like,

I'm so sorry sir, please tour the facilities. I'd be like, dude, I'm taking my kids out here.

Objectively funny leering daycare center. Objectively funny.

Missing an objectively hilarious. Well, there's still to be fair, there's still just leering.

So there's obviously there's there's improvement. There's there's improvements to be made.

We're all lifelong students. Why aren't there like the parents of the kids coming out?

Like if there was kids there, like Matt said, he'd be like, oh,

because the kids are going to be in the daycare with them. Yeah.

And also they're probably scamming too a little bit. So they're probably like, dude,

get the fuck out of here. And also how we know it wasn't an overnight daycare. How we know it's not

it. How we know? Because some people are in night school. How we know it's not a daycare

for strippers. That is always kids. That's always sad when I see you see that in Philly sometimes

you're driving through neighborhood and you see the daycare hours and it's like 2 a.m. pick up

and you're like, yeah. Yeah, dude. Yeah. They would get have like midnight pick up on daycare.

How we know they don't get paid in ones. Sure.

True, we got to drop this right away. It's got to drop the crown royal sack full of ones

every month. No, we're going to daycare. I swear, I swear, I'll watch kids. Are you watch kids with this?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I mean, look, maybe we should have a live cam in the

Somali daycare 24 seven. Everybody nice is a pedophile watching that being like, there we go.

Things are about to change. I don't think pedophiles like Somali and kids.

I don't know. You don't think so? Just I don't. I don't. I think Kevin's right on this one.

I looked into Michael Queeno and Chantry Walker, Presidio, McCartan. There's no Somali and

Sminchin and any of Tim Tate's books or anything. You think it's all, never mind. That's a bad comparison.

When it comes to satanic ritual abuse, you know, usually there's not a Somali.

There's kind of like such a gamey.

Maybe pedophiles in it. I don't know. We watch Kevin. We watch Kevin.

It's funny to be mad about daycare now. Like the satanic panic and everything in the 80s and the 90s, you know.

Sorry, I should have kept that to myself. That's fine. It's we're podcasting.

But here's the thing though. From like, okay, Nigerian, right?

Excellence scammers. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. And they're also like, Nigerians, I'm a big

proponent of Nigerian excellence in terms of mathematics, all that stuff. As a Nigerian, wouldn't you

like just see a Somali and be like, or is it like more unity than that? Because I know Ethiopians

and Somali and some Ethiopians. I don't like each other. I think there's a bit of that. Everybody,

everybody beats, but then like on when when you outside, when you off the off the continent,

I think there's a little bit more unity. Yeah, but on it, it is a little bit of, you know,

everybody people beat with date. It's Nigerians that hate other Nigerians. Yeah, that's fair.

I mean, it's like Pennsylvania, New Jersey. Right, right, right, right, right. The close you are,

the worst. Yeah, yeah, but Nigerian scamming. I hope they don't start looking into that shit.

Nick stay away.

I actually looked into, I was I was I went to a Nigerian restaurant one time and I was watching

there was like the Naliwood movies. I didn't know what it was. I was watching like, what the

fuck is it? Yeah, you know about Naliwood, Nigerian Naliwood and dude, I like looked into it,

you can film a movie in Nigeria for like 15 grand. Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, thinking about it.

Yeah, you know, here's like a million bucks. That would be holy. If I did a Naliwood epic,

it'd be nice for just put myself in it, like Lenese Wood style, right directed for 15 grand,

you could shoot like Bishop impossible, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You're jumping into this movie and Indy movies. Oh, and Indy movies, you do like a nice,

of really sick Indy movie, that would actually be hilarious. Sick move. Yeah, I would have a

brutal schedule though. So I tried to be like maybe a month. I'm like, you know, I bring my whole

family to watch it. I'd definitely watch you not understand anything they're saying. Now,

They're speaking English. No, they're speaking English, but it's also pigeon little sometime. Yeah

No, check it out now you're movies are sick. They're on YouTube for free. Oh really? Yeah, yeah full feature

Dude, I watch it in the restaurant and I'm like bro, what the fuck is this movie? It's crazy a lot of movies

They have the same plot though a lot of them. It's like a guy who like cheats on his wife

And then she like he like he like gets in an accident and comes crawling back to work

Or she's like accident like I don't know like a car accident or she like puts a spell on him

And then he can't fucking walk anymore, and then he's like take me back. I'm sorry

Don't they believe in witches and stuff?

Believe in witches is crazy

I've seen like newspapers from up there

And they say like a witch can touch your penis and it shrinks and then that's like

I know you're talking about witchcraft, but it's not like a belief

It's more so like

Like voodoo type shit

It's like it's like I want to say it's like a belief thing, but it's more so like it's more prevalent and it's actually

It's actually real for real like voodoo

My mom is real. He goes no, but it yes, and she's real

It is real for real

Yeah, if somebody is somebody to do that shit to you and take your fucking hair and wrap it around

Or put some blood on you and yeah, like I think that shit is real

You can read about witchcraft and the newspapers there if you subscribe

To any of the newspapers. All right, you can read about it about the scam you

There we go

Is that really probably is I

I saw I was watching one earlier and I was like skipping through and there was was it was exact plot

You're describing where it was like a guy had been cheating on her friend

And she like there's I was like trying to just like I wanted to watch just to climax the movie

I went to like the end and this lady put like a

Hankerchief on her head gigantic sunglasses and just confronted a guy being like I know what you did

He's like you cannot prove it

It's literally and I only watch for like 10 seconds. It was exact

To say but other women love that shit

Comedy's yeah, and the comedies were you know, I watched the comedy in the restaurant

That was actually I was like kind of cry. It was like pure slapstick. It was kind of crack me up. Yeah, it's fun

And she's like okey and papa is like

Yes, I sure like gonna type it in the thing you're like speak english

But uh no Nigerian scammers best best best scammers is a dude that like scammed like like he sold an airport to somebody

I swear to god

He sold an airport to some I don't I don't remember the full story. I'm basically a really big parking lot

He sold the airport. They didn't exist

That's awesome to who and I feel like it was like a government or something

Like just some foreigner, but he sold an airport

Nigerian dude, and then

Obviously hush puppy is like one of the most notorious. What was hush puppies here and scammers?

He he was just he's in jail right now. I think for like 11 years

But he he was just stealing money. I don't even remember how for real really? Yeah, a couple hundred million. Yeah

I like the I like the romance and he was trying to make a documentary about it

But hush puppy sounds like a head cop rapper like he'd be featured on a jelly roll album

Jelly roll featured hush puppy hiccup hiccup you know what hiccup is yeah

Yeah

hiccup is like you know it's red dirt. We're from the red dirt road

Okay, like that real estate and their wave confederate flags my bad real estate mogul

Nice. Hush puppy was a real estate mogul. Yeah, six. That's a great man. It's 24 million

From an English Premier League club

You know, I mean, that's top go big your home, man

You can fuck around the fake daycare or you can just go big get a hundred 24 million from an English guy

I think they only got him for like 11 years or something

Yeah, I feel like if you steal a hundred million bucks you can hide for sure probably 50 million and then give the rest up

I spent it all sorry

What prints

The email scams

Dude so apparently so I looked into the a long time ago those like that was like the yeah that

apparently

Well, apparently that wasn't even some of those weren't even from Africa

Some of those are just like a dude from Ohio

Faining the Nigerian Prince which is like 40 chess for sure see that's the that's the that's the scam right now

Because everybody still think that's the scam and Nigerians is doing we left y'all in the 90s thinking that and now we know it news

Keep thinking it keep this aerial type alive

Yes, and Nigerian Prince

We are white women now

The new shit is scamming the elderly that's the new thing that's meat potatoes dude just catfishing

You're you you're some people go home for Thanksgiving is either grandma and they go I'm dating Matt rife

Dating Vladimir Putin

And I send him apple gift cards every Tuesday and we're married and oh god

And if you track it, it's always goes to Kuwait they're killing the game right really killing it

Yeah, I yeah, there's a great catfishing youtube channel and I always track these people down

I like a classic indian robocall

Yes, just 40 dude sweating and fucking call

Hang in the phone. Yeah, that's what I like in a warehouse that's flooded

I like when they're playing video games in the waters like up to here

You know if you see that no where they're all playing they're all playing like video poker and they have to swim to the next machine

Is that real it could be AI it isn't

I made it up maybe

Yo Sora is good though, dude, you never know. No, it's getting scared

Yeah, it's getting scared. I don't even want it. They got they got a do they got Matt Barnes recently

They got him like he some AI girl skin him. I like 60 grand. No, some crazy. Yeah, who's Matt Barnes again is a

Former best well player. Oh, no, he fell for that. Yeah, bro sad alright scanner for how much I feel like it was like 60

Cheese I think I still think the Shannon Sharp thing it was like an intricate scam where you get lawyers

You hook up with only fans ladies and they start just fucking like go go go film sexual encounter

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Prize picks it's good to be right. Oh, hell you next weekend

January 16th and 17th. I will be in Houston and then I'll be a Dallas

Uh, the 23rd. I'll be in Hartford, Connecticut, and then 24th

I'll be in Albany, New York, and then we have Las Vegas coming up

213 that's February 13th

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Week of town fucking whatever and then I'll be in Denver, Boise, Idaho

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Hey, hello everyone. J-Ware 15th. I'm going to be a helium, Atlanta, and then the week after that Sean's going to be there

Please come if you can and come to optimum noctis. January 20th. Oh, yeah, and I'm going to be

Hyenas Fort Worth January 23rd. That's it. Thank you

Bro the only fan shit again, but I saw something recently. It said it's easier for only fans models and other countries to get a visa

To this country than it is for like like movies like they said the only fans models is

The visas really yeah, so I thought they were sex slaves. What the hell they said they can get in with the if they make a certain amount of money

Yeah, that makes sense that makes sense the visas that they like reserve for like Arnold Schwarzenegger type people

Yeah, they give him it so that makes sense. I see you're saying. Yeah, dude

I looked it up one time because I wanted to see like you know how much only fans actually makes like versus patreon

Like patreon. I think all the patreon's globally to what everyone's patreon money together. I think it's like

I don't even know. I think it maybe is like 80 million dollars if that yeah

Oh, you know how much only fans is collectively. That's like one tenth of what Sophie Rayne makes a month dude

It's it's like 13 billion dollars a year

Only fans is 14 billion. I think porn and gaming like in gambling or the big three and comedies like way under here

I know when it comes to my we should all start fucking each other on the show at least and playing poker

Just hey, we'll AI. What is AI? We're mocap suits. We're not actually fucking, but it just looks like we are

We're just like we're just like dry homie. What? Oh

Yes, bro

Dude, it's a typhoon. What are they gonna do? That's true. That's true. Gaming the typhoons actually kind of legendary

That shows you how addictive gambling is, right?

There's a snake on you

She trashed under there's gators and shit

That's fucked up. Where was that again? You say philips. That was a philips. So that was a some a cafe. That was an internet cafe

Okay, that's how you know. Yeah, that's how you know

The country's not doing well when they're like yo, we have the internet here

Okay, so that's gaming. I do get that dude being 12 years old and playing Xbox live

Yeah, the house could be on fire. You could have flooded my cousins basement. We weren't going anywhere

Not going anywhere, dude. I'm playing. I see if I just got to a level. I ain't got

The game's not seen

I mean that would be chill too. You never even think about magic is like chilling in water and gaming if you rage quit

Though you let you keep yourself if you slam the controller down it kills everybody

Damn, that's fucking crazy when I remember when I would go to the beach when I was little the beach would flood all the time

So we meet me my cousins who got in the streets and like swim in like the street flood water. Yeah, I just realized not too long ago

So it was all sewage. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, poop and pee poop and pee. I was just saying there don't get my head

My mom will be don't go in there and I'm like whatever and I'd be under it. It's like

Pooly under a full breaststroke

But I was like when I first when I had my first kid we were in Philly or this playground and like there was a

They're like a sprinkler kind of thing

But that had kept going and it like it flooded one of the little drains like the storm drains

And then that water was kicking out from the sewage and created this other little pond

So I don't like kids would go to play in there. They'd be with another kid

And that kid would jump in like the shit water and I'd be like hold up you can't play in there's like they're playing in there and I was like

And bad lives dude. You don't

They don't have the parents here dude. They're gonna swim in the shit water and you're gonna stay out of that

And you know, this is where your guys is friendship, and so

I got it. Sorry. I was drunk on a couch

Unfortunately, I'm here so no shit water for you. Would you let them do the trampoline on the mattress?

This has been outside all for like six months clean hell no

No way like oh it's just sitting out if I saw a mattress first of all there's a mattress outside my house

I would call the city make for move this right now

I'm not having that I bet guys. This is a this is infested take this out immediately

No, I'm a yeah, I don't know I try to even in Philly like I remember like if if I someone would be like knotted out on our street quarter

I wouldn't be mean to them, but I'd go up and take bro

You got him, but you used to know it though

Oh, yeah, I would have done I used to walk along the side of the highway when I was a kid. Yeah, so yeah

I used to like throw golf balls at cars and like run away

Yeah, I was really bad, but no, my kids live like a completely I mean, I'm letting him kind of roam a little bit now

But no, they're like completely sheltered. You got a girl and two girls so girl. Oh, all right never mind. I'm sure exactly

That's it a boy. No, yeah, totally different. I I got hit in the nuts recently

I was like I think my my daughter was trying to like wash a baby

You're like little doll out in the sink, but it was bedtime. So my come on it's bedtime

No, no, so I went to grab her and she did that shit where she gripped the edge of the sink

So I had to like fucking come on. I pulled her off as I pull her off

She just three years old she just swung back and kicked me in the nuts

And I had her like this so like I have to hold her away from me so she doesn't hit me

Held her up and I like it went through my head to just do full

All of the bed and if you were if she were a son I would have spiked my son on the bed

That is gently lowered or like oh your little fucker. I'll be back. I was about to bounce her off the mattress

Just like like just got hit. It's like a reaction you hit the nuts. You're like

you

But I say gently later down. I was like I'll be back

The smashing machine. I would have chokes my three-year-old boy right through that shit

Yeah, it's like I for real had to stop myself. I was like

I

And I knew it was coming but I tried to move and she's like grown so she was like

Fuck even if you did that somebody we understand. Oh, dude. Yeah

No, man, that was that was close. I almost fucking I mean it was a bed. She wouldn't got my she would have rattled her for sure

But

You know if I'd spiked there actually she could have broke her arm

But I didn't so what you're pairing this style are you are you

Are you copying what your parents have done to you or you spreading the threat the generational traumas that you

Experiences I hope not. I mean you like to think you're not your parents

But then you know every now and then you go fuck on the exact same guy. Yeah, like I'm my dad, you know

Yeah, you like to you like to think you're completely different right and they might have thought they were different

I don't know I feel like I was generally just fucking ignored no one paid attention to me

And I would just wander around in the woods really and like find like knives and stuff

No, I would just get lost all day. I don't my brother told me this

I don't remember it at all but like I used my like bedtime

They would put me in a room and just latch a thing on the outside and be like bro. See you in the morning

So they was locked they would lock because I knew they did it to my sister and I was always like that so fucked up

They did at the Kathleen my brother was like, dude, they did it to you too. I was like oh fuck

They would just go full like you're done for your goodbye for the day

Darkness now. I was just a creature dude and you're in a Somalian daycare

And the windows are boarded up and the lights are off

Where the fuck was that kid I needed him to be like where the fuck are the kids in here?

Let me see this child

Yeah, yeah, that's that was the shit my mom too. She'd be like like if you shoot like a my like my older brothers and like my cousins

There they weren't taking a nap. She would just trap them under her legs and it's until they fell asleep and then they got good

Fucking put the fuck with the quads on

That's crazy the thing so yeah, I do way different stuff. I didn't so I didn't have any fun growing up

Like my parents were no fun. There was no fun. Everybody was miserable. We were all strangers in the house

Yeah, so I'm just trying to make it where if I can teach them to have fun

Yeah, then that's a skill that they can take throughout the rest of their life and attract goodness and great things and good people

That's the plan that feels like the ultimate if you got fun in any situation true, then you're unstoppable

Right, so that's what I'm trying to do. That's true. So we like you know, we fucking drive around really fast

In the car listen to really loud music dance a lot. We do coke

She's drinking and driving

That is that is the one thing once you have kids and it really dawns on you like fuck dude

I'm in charge of your mental well-being

Like I'm pulling from a poison to well. I know I'm just dipping this bucket into your brain

You're like God help me please

You feel like your parents are like a lighthouse for like you go that's good that that's there cuz I can avoid that

No, they're rocky sure my parents did a lot. I think a lot of things really good. They were just like

Like there's like you know now we have like the internet

We have like a thing like when you yell at your child to seven seconds. They make your old path

They there's none of that shit. They're just like what they're fucking ass. Yeah, we were all go out to dinner as a family and every

My like towards the end of it would just be me my brothers in the car by ourselves just like chillin until everyone ate because you if you acted up

You had to sit in the car

You're just sitting as a burger by yourself. It's like damn this fucking bullshit dude. I didn't get to say that's so funny

They took you all out to eat. Yeah, we would go to this place

Sure, like I said, there was good stuff. It's so funny that your punishment is son goes sit in a hot car

It was not go do what Casey Anthony does to her children at your

Like I do I never even thought a kid could die from a hot car. Yeah, that's like a who's to say if they can't

He's a new kid

We can't maybe

He's just peanut allergy kids. I do dry son is every day. I'm fine

One eight twenty five minutes. I'm fine. I do

Anything to maybe just activate his heat shock protein. So

It's the telomeres that is so sad dude just to forget because it's like I get it like you're just like off

I don't even think about it and you come out and it's like damn

Kids did now days the car will

The car will lock you inside of it and cash on fire

What is that have you see this with the cybertruck?

So the cybertruck has a mode where it turns it turns it to a microwave and then it locks and then everybody dies

Oh, it's so you don't have to go throw the trouble of hooking like an exhaust thing to your car

Yeah, I guess maybe if you like have a cold hot pocket

Grock is like do you have a cold hot pocket there amigo? Let me heat it up for you

But they will lock and then you can't get out everybody dies that keeps happening in the news. No, I like the cybertruck though

It's good. It looks like halo. I'm a big fan. Look that off. Is that true that people are like a piece of shit

There's no way you can get locked in your car unless you're Polish

That's the old joke

You're all the Polish guy got locked in his car. What's the joke? Polish people are dumb. They couldn't yeah

It's like a little white on white racism. I don't know any Polish people. Yeah, it was a pretty cool thing

It was like the first meme kind of is like Polack jokes

But it didn't really didn't really last. Well, how do you plan on doing your kids? You don't have kids

I don't have how do you plan on doing your

Raising them up keeping them away from my parents. No

I don't know I haven't given them much thought man. I just I just definitely don't want to repeat some of this stuff

Yeah, yeah, that was taught to me

Like my parent my parents are definitely better now

Right, but chill out majorly. Yeah, they chill out

But then like you don't know if you've kind of adopted the things that your parents taught you

But like unintentionally taught you or downloaded this shit that they've been doing their behavior until you're like under the rest

Yeah, you know when you stressed out and then all of a sudden like you say you want to spike the baby

Yeah, real bad. So three

There was two cases, huh?

There's two cases one was in California one in Texas where they got in an accident and then the power went out in the

Cyber truck and they couldn't get out. Oh

Big microwave. Oh

Fuck you didn't cars get really hot too and like they're I mean obviously anything on fire gets you per hot, but like

You're trapped, but when you're trapped inside that small of a container on fire

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A&E space

S H A&E all caps

That's Shopify dot com slash all caps mat and shame like would you rather burn or drown drown dude 100% yeah Ted Kennedy style

Yeah, really drown and burn alive dude drown you just pass out

It's like you ever go underwater for like a little too long and you're like lightheaded. Yeah, it's almost romantic

You just get more and more lightheaded really chill

Burning alive is literally the worst of the worst. What if you like sleep burning?

Little slow cooking

But low and slow for about 20 hours. Yeah, sleep. They didn't really like no dude burning alive is like I think the worst

I'd rather have probably my dick chopped off than burn alive. Yeah, have you ever but do I'm sorry

Because you're not doing that but dude in in Asia or the monks that be doing they look pretty calm self-imulation

Yeah, yeah, but they study the art of chill. That's like that's

Most people are not prepared

Fine you will scream a little bit. It's so funny to be on fire and be like I don't even care. I'm good in

Not even real. Well, they build they build like temples where those guys burn themselves

Because it's just like the supreme active like I'm a Buddhist chill. Yeah, it's like you

You can like I you know, I haven't fucking you know, I haven't jerked off in 40 years. You're like watch this shit

It's fucking light yourself on fire

Do this because it is the ultimate and usually they do it to like draw attention to something. Yeah

It's a protest. Yeah, they don't you know gonna guns over there

Recently that was a like I think it was like only sent no it was a girl that was going up into the temple cleaning it out

And I think do was like he I think he was smashing and as she tried to extort him

I was like, damn that's crazy. There's a plot of a Nigerian film

Damn she tried to just like trick them. She tried to extort him and get bread out of him. I think

I think it might have been a few of them that she was like going up there and that's a bad plan of their monks

Yeah, they're like begging alms

Yeah, that's a hit the alms circuit hard like damn. I got a fucking baby mom

She probably knew they had she probably knew they probably have some money. Yeah, what's this where was this

I saw whatever the monks be. I don't know. They're everywhere man

Dude my my brother it was my brother was just talking to his friend

Who had come from like Thailand or whatever and she was telling him that like

the um

Like the the tourism so like if you have like a like a kind like a gay kid

You are from this it's like a a giant like victory. What the fuck

He's fucking up. He's called my kid. Yeah. Oh, he hold on listen to this. So if you're in Thailand

Maybe it should I be offended? I don't know

Thank you

Here's the if you're in Thailand, you have like a recognizably gay gay

drivers

You turn the kid into a girl ASAP and you your whole family's like here we go because then it's like part of that like sex tourism thing

Where what you do is you get a uh even if you just have like a daughter too you can do the same thing where you're like

Ah man she pretend she doesn't have like a husband she can be married whole family or everything kids

But then don't you'll go to work as like a prostitute get like an English businessman and be like yeah like I'm single

Bring the English businessman back to like her family and her husband will like even be there pretending to be like her brother

And they just basically you get like even if you don't get knocked up. They just fuck these dudes

Send a letter back to England till like wherever they work being like yo

I'm praying it now and if you don't want like the Thailand courts coming after you for child support and like blown up your

Spock's a lot of these guys are married give me like 10 g's a month

And it's like apparently like a huge thing over there

So if you're out there just fucking having sex with hookers you could get caught up in like a nice

Well, here's the kitty. Here's the kicker. They got no ovaries true

True, but then if you fall in love that's the thing and I saw that better you fall in love

I do there's like they'll you bring you back to the village and like you just have to start like buying

Fucking shit for like the whole village and it's like a huge thing for a village if you get like a slam and lady boy

Everyone's like, let's go

All gonna eat it's gonna be so nice. We just need one rich British guy

We see one old guy this play a whole lady boys and he and he can be ladies too. Oh, I think I think lady boys over there

Just popping off so hard that it's like and that's an easy one too where it's like bro

We're gonna send stuff back the family who's given the prostitute. They real address

I don't know but here's the thing you get these old business men. They'll be like I love you

No, start the volumes info just kind of like

Here the funny thing is especially for like the custody stuff. It's like yo

I'm pregnant with your child like the courts you're gonna come after you unless you send me howling money

Apparently if you just ignore like the Thailand courts can't do anything to you London, they can't like

There's nothing they can do so oh you you from experience. No, I've never been in Thailand. Actually

When I hear people are in Thailand, there's like grown adults. I'm kind of like yeah, that's the

We don't know over there, dude.

Because we already got their food.

Yeah, we got the food here, so we got the food.

That's like, what are you?

We have elephants at the zoo.

We have mopeds.

We have mopeds, that's true.

We even have ladyboys here.

A fence.

We got it, we got the big four.

The big four of the economy of Thailand.

It's okay.

You're going over there.

There's another itch, you're trying to start something else.

I was talking to someone recently who was in Asia

and they were like, my friend was supposed to meet me

over wherever they were.

He got his visa, got messed up in Thailand.

He stuck there and I was like, is that what he told you?

Tail and hold his time.

Like, I was going to leave and my fucking visa's all fucked up.

See, all these stereotypes about these countries,

a man can't even go to Thailand, the Dominican Republic.

DR, you get away with the DR.

I think you can't go to the DR without people

thinking you're doing something.

You can't go by yourself, that's crazy.

You got to get a girlfriend just so you can do the trip

and then you break up with your girlfriend and the DR

and then you go hog wild, go crazy.

Yeah.

What is this?

Oh shit, this is the Thai Monks.

Oh yeah.

56 hundred videos.

Damn, that guy's the man.

Allegedly.

Who is Sika Miskoff?

I'm going to literally behind Thailand Monks,

Sex, Blackmail, and Scandal.

Oh, so she ran a rink.

That's what it was.

That's why I heard there's a lot of meth, too.

And some of that, there was like a one point

in a lot of those, which I'm going to call it,

in the Monasteries or whatever.

They like did a drug test and there was like a couple

of them were like, everyone was just strong out on meth.

They're in there just party.

Yeah, kind of sick.

I don't know, but that's what I think I wask is.

You think I wask is kind of a cult?

I think so.

I think so too, dude, because you hear all these people

like being like, yeah, I've done it like 75 times.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I thought it was the most powerful thing in the world.

Why do you have to do it?

55 fuck, I think it's just a giant party, though.

Yeah, it doesn't Alan wants to say

once you get the message hang up the phone.

That's what I've heard.

So why do you pick up the phone 75 more times?

I think it's just chill.

I think you go down there again.

You're like a tech billionaire

and you just go down there and party.

I think it's just a big party.

I think so too.

And then people started talking about they crying on it

and all the type of stuff.

I used to want to do it a little bit

when I was on like my little mushroom journey.

And then after a while, I was just like,

kept listening to stories about it.

I was like, what do I want to cry for?

It is true, like, yeah, you like shit flies

out of your ass and you throw up.

That it's awesome.

It feels great.

And I get what they're saying, but at the same time,

like, I think I could get there by self.

Yeah, without a roll of the extras.

Yeah, I don't know, man.

It's, you think it's demons or angels

you're talking to on those trips?

I don't know.

I've heard about that stuff.

You're probably talking about both.

You're probably talking about both.

It's true.

I mean, we all contain both, right?

True.

I don't know.

I've heard it.

I have heard of like that.

You're talking to like interdimensional entities.

That's a weird thing with the DMT, dude.

People, which craft?

True.

Fuck you.

Fuck you.

No, I've heard that that like, yeah,

you're really talking to like entities.

If you do DMT, there are like characters

that you encounter because I distinctly remember

I had like the gesture.

It was a mean gesture.

It was on like a black and white checkered floor.

Saw a clear as day.

And then I watched this video about DMT entities.

That was one of them.

I was like, well, that's fucked up.

Yeah.

It was a real entity.

The guy was so mean to me.

So fucking laugh in my face.

It's just like tease me the whole time.

Like you're just fucking loser.

You like me?

Yeah, just fucking bully me.

I went to the actual realm and just got absolutely kicked

around.

He's giving you titty twists.

He was just like, you're a fucking dork.

And I was like, what the fuck?

I thought this was supposed to be chill.

You and you was swirly in a wedgie.

Literally, calling you gay.

It was literally, it was probably like 15 seconds.

I've just like a, like a multi-headed jester

on a white, black and white checkered floor being like,

dude, you're a fucking loser.

And I was like, fuck.

Damn it.

Sucked.

Really fucking sucked.

Yeah, it wasn't that per se.

But if you look up, there's like a jester guy.

Dude, it's fucking bullshit.

Yeah, I'm afraid of what I can't do.

Yeah, and honestly, too, it's like,

I feel like mushrooms are great.

You know, you can do mushrooms.

I don't really, I don't know.

You can do a lot of them.

You don't have to go to like the trouble.

Right, straight stream.

And dude, I swear to God, when people do it a lot,

it changes the way their eyes look.

Really?

You see someone who does ayahuasca a lot.

They get this like, like very relaxed.

They're like almost zombified.

No, like.

They look like Nick Reiner.

Like the Nick Reiner.

I never got a good, let me get a good look at that guy.

I never got, I've heard about him.

But I know they're a car, but it keeps dabbing.

They keep roasting strange pictures with him.

Maybe shit from the past.

No, sort of.

But there was, it was in like a black and white floor

that wasn't as like lines and colors.

It looked just like a dude almost.

You got to pull up a picture of Will's events.

Let me see something.

Nobody.

Who was it?

It was a comic.

Will Smith got the eyes out.

He did ayahuasca like a bazillion times as well.

I feel like Aaron Rodger got some eyes.

He's got to look at the eyes, be looking the eyes.

And there's like, and I've known just people from like,

just in my life, you're like, you've done it a lot.

And it's just like, it get this, I can't explain it, man.

But they get this kind of like, I don't know.

Could just be me fucking freaking out.

Nah, I mean.

Something's, there's something, something happened.

Oh, yeah, I'm, I'm.

And dude, every time I do like a lot,

and he like, big hallucinogenic,

I'm always so fucking relieved when it's over

that I go, yeah, I'm not.

I'm just happy for my normal waking consciousness.

Yeah, I don't ever want to leave this ever again.

The, the, the thrill of it kind of like

is when you're young for real.

At least for me.

And then you start hearing all these stories about like,

like Matthew Perry situation and all that stuff.

And it's like, he was doing like oxy stuff.

He was, I thought he was on ketamine.

He got boy like a crawdad in that hot tub.

Yeah, boy.

Yeah, they do have potatoes.

They find potatoes and carrots and shed and fucking

corn in it.

Hot tub, hot tub, hot tub.

He was cooking a bay leaf hot tub death.

Hot tub death is kingly though.

I'll give you that.

I'd rather, okay.

Now it's like drowning to death,

letting on fire or dying in hot tub.

I might smash down hot.

Especially if you're dressed up like Batman.

And you dying on.

He was not dressed up like Batman.

He was dressed up like Batman all the time.

I mean, they didn't release it,

but I like to think he put on a full,

he's, he was a fat Batman.

And he got his hot tub.

He died in the hot tub?

He did.

Yeah, he died in the hot tub.

Maybe he wasn't on ketamine.

I think, but I think he had been doing like a lot of like

oxy's pain pills.

So maybe he did take ketamine and go on a hot tub.

I could see the allure.

So you might be right.

Maybe he, yeah, maybe he hit that and just.

He had a good life.

I think, well, yeah, I think he did.

Get high a lot, watch Batman.

Get in the hot tub.

It's a sick life.

Yeah, I don't know.

I'm not convinced you need the last 20 years.

Not yet of life.

20 years total.

He went off at what, 55?

Yeah.

Oh, no.

That's not bad.

I'm definitely a strong component of getting out of here quick.

Really?

Which is why I think I'm gonna live for a long time.

Yeah, I think I'm gonna be here for a minute,

because I do not want to be.

Really?

You want to do a quick one?

I mean, nah, I'm just saying like, you know how life

expectancy is fucking good.

Tempting fate with that hoodie.

Some of my come around and clocky right in the fucking end.

You're asking, you're, that's a suicide hoodie.

Dude, Kevin looks like he's gonna live a very long time.

Nah, nah, like that leak.

Life expectancy, what is it now?

It's like, I mean, my grandma's still,

I don't even know how old she is.

It's due to it's up to high.

It's super high, you're right.

It's too high.

I know I'm not gonna be this type of old person,

but there are all those old people there

that are just like sitting around waiting to go.

You know what I mean?

Like, dude, don't lead a room or don't lead a house

and it's like, but I don't want it.

Yeah.

Well, that's, and that's where I think

the hallucinogenics come in,

because once you're in that stage,

then I think it should be like, you have the home care worker

and it's just non-stop, just like feed me mushrooms.

Let me watch Lord of the Rings

till I memorize all the lines.

Yeah, take my money.

I don't care.

Take my money, yes.

I'll have a fake up to fake internet girlfriend.

That'll be chill and we'll have VR.

So it won't be as bad for us.

I can be posted up on the auto blue.

Going to the machine.

Auto blue, Oculus, DRT.

Just hook yourself up into the code.

Fuck you.

I just want to see the falling rain.

Yeah, just be an Oculus.

I'll be in a nursing home.

I'll be like seeing my family.

They're like, oh, hey, guys, what are you guys up to?

Oh, man, remember when we went to the fucking mountains?

That would rock.

You're still racist though.

What do you mean?

Well, when everyone gets really old,

they become very racist.

True.

I've been in old folks homes.

They are wild.

But here's the thing.

It's pre-civil rights.

Oh, they go nasty, but but here's the question though.

Here's the question.

Now we have, I would say almost

the first time ever, especially for white people,

we have elder liberals, which that wasn't really a thing.

I feel like.

So if you watch the video of that,

I keep hearing the fucking guy's name, the young YouTuber

who was like, Shirley.

We stopped saying his name.

We ain't putting no light on my fucking nose.

He already did.

His video's at 10 million, bro.

I know.

But.

You think?

You think?

Yeah, man.

But no, there was one.

There was one.

I think it was at the leering center.

I swear to God, where he went up.

And there was just like old white lady who was like,

ice, their ice, do not enter the building.

Like she started, she was like a car alarm.

Just going off like, do not let these men

in the building, ice is here.

So like that lady's going to be in a nursing home one day

and just be like, I think here is cool as you know what I mean.

She'll be doing like more of the soft-handed stuff.

Right.

Because Jamaican lady and just be like,

I love you so much.

Can I touch your hair?

I think I should be beautiful.

I should be wiping your ass, my queen, my goddess.

I'm just going to be it to be a white lady

who should have a wife should make it.

It's like, I'm good, baby.

Eat my food.

I don't deserve it.

So I could be the day.

I could be, um, that could be it.

I think that's going to be it.

The future's looking pretty bright, actually.

True.

It's looking good to me.

I don't know.

I think so.

Things could be worse.

Oh, for sure.

We hit the lottery being born in America, right?

Yep.

We got a fresh, we got, dude, oil, oils booming right now.

Yep.

Oil is going to be killing.

I mean, everyone, look, we're a fucking empire, dude.

Like, we are an empire at the end of the day.

It is definitely a fucking empire.

We got to bust the moves.

Russia's bust and fucking moves.

And China's bust and moves.

It's time America bust the fucking move.

It's unfortunate.

I wish they didn't have to do this,

but we are an aging empire and it's time we...

But strike out, just dude, it was one guy.

Then as well, easy.

Now, the rest of Latin America,

I called this, by the way, years not that specifically,

but like Latin America, the cartels, like, dude,

I was like, years ago, I was like,

we're gonna hammer down to those cartels.

I feel like...

Now you just say to anything, they're out of the fucking...

One guy in dude's first year,

I feel like, if this, you know,

this plays out the way that they want to play out,

by his fourth year, he about to be going crazy.

Who, Maduro?

Trump.

Oh, Trump.

How many years in are we?

Two.

This is two?

Well, you're just starting, right?

I feel be dead by the summer, but...

You think I'll be dead by the summer?

Yeah, I think he's gonna drop dead.

Really?

Yeah, like a frog on a lily pad.

He's just gonna drop.

You think he's just gonna...

He's gonna eat his last fly and just fall on the pond.

Somebody told me he's gonna try to be president

of another country.

I thought that was crazy.

Yeah, he's old.

He's getting there.

You're starting to see the way he's like,

Biden was so old that you're like, dude,

this guy is fucking getting around pretty good, but yeah.

They're really good at creating problems

to then act like they're fixing the problem.

Yeah, like that's what the bureaucratic state does.

So like, what they're gonna keep doing

is letting immigrants in on, quote unquote, accident

and be like, but you can sign up for ice

and help us get rid of the problem.

So they're employing people with a problem.

They have to create problems.

Yeah, yeah.

Then they go, we fixed it.

It's like you fucking caused it.

Yeah, that's another scam.

And they did just, I just shot a lady in the fucking face today

and right before this, like, where are we going?

I think it was in...

It's old too.

She was like, it might have been Minnesota.

Where lady was just in her car

and I say she'd get pointing a gun at her

and she didn't know what to do.

And then the ice agent reached his huge gut

across the grill and fired four times into her face.

Damn.

And then the car took off like a hundred miles an hour

into a building.

I cried before that.

And she's a US citizen, not an illegal immigrant.

They killed her?

Yes.

No, the accident actually killed her was...

Oh, yeah.

Oh, wait.

She dodged that shit.

She drove into a building.

Dude, the police footage, did they show the lady

reaching it all?

I have not seen the footage on the way in here.

Yeah, that's it.

And again, I don't know what happened.

I'm not proposing to, you know, I know what happened.

But that police footage when they're like,

and sometimes it's obviously pretty terrible.

But then there's times where it's like,

like I knew someone who was in a car, they were coped

and like a 12 year old just went boom, boom, boom, boom,

fired into the car and they came out of the car

and fucking killed the kid.

Damn.

Which is fucked, but it's like,

do you've ever got a gunshot into your car?

Like, you're not like to be like,

you have to like, think clearly in...

Right.

It's like, it's kind of hard to do.

Whenever I see the police stuff, I'm like,

I don't know, man.

Sometimes it is bad when you see it and you're like,

damn, that's fucking good.

Dude, I think if I was a cop, like I'm a pussy,

I would empty a full clip every day.

First side, I'm just emptying bags.

Like on like a bird,

it flies a little too quickly in front of me.

I was firing at it.

I'd be terrified, you know?

I'd be killing dogs that are running at me.

Yeah, I don't know.

I mean, again, I don't know what happened.

I'm not trying to just say it.

I got the video.

Let me see.

Yeah. Oh, wait a minute shot, damn.

Yeah.

Oh, and there's a Minneapolis, oh man.

Okay.

Oh, hey, hey.

Yeah, so the car takes off once you get shot

because obviously she slumped over the wheel and...

Yikes.

I didn't even see it though.

I was so fast.

Well, not just in.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Sorry.

Hey, let's take some, where are we at time lies on this shot?

An hour or two.

Can we just cut it out?

No, no, it's fine.

We'll cut it out.

We never, we never really cut it.

Can you edit me out of the podcast?

All right, we got some actually,

this is from our premium subscribers.

We got some questions, a little Q&A action.

Here you go.

Oh, shit, really?

This is sick.

This is the new thing.

Okay.

I'll start it off.

I gotta read.

Actually, this kind of pissed me off.

It was like, Matt, why is your wife so hot,

but you just look like a fucking potato?

I've never seen someone with their eyes so close together

and you suck a guitar in our gay, I fucking hate you.

It's from Nick.

That's nice.

Syracuse.

Yeah, that's a...

That's a perk we give to our premium subscribers.

That's very nice.

Yeah, I don't think my eyes are that close together, honestly,

but...

I mean, what do you want?

So, that was my question.

Be good, okay.

Hey, first time Patreon subscriber and huge fan

graduating from high school this year,

which is something I've been really excited to accomplish.

At least until my older brother died,

he was riding a motorcycle on 95 with his girlfriend

on the back.

A tractor trailer swerved to avoid a broken down car

and the back of it literally smeared them

along the divider.

There were hardly any remains of their bodies,

so we had to cremate all the pieces together

and split the ashes evenly,

which is a bummer since my older brother

barely liked this girl.

It would have been beautiful if they had been deeply

in love or whatever, but they fought all the time.

My brother, and I can say this now that he's dead,

hit her on several occasions.

Oh, is this so good?

That's our premium subscribers.

Here, come on.

Okay.

So that is again, okay.

But anyway, oh, wait, hold on.

She cheated on him with her ex-boyfriend in the army.

But anyway, I guess my question is that with my brother dead,

that leaves me as an only child.

I've never been an only child,

and now I'm worried that I might fall into that bratty,

only child personality just before college

and won't be able to make any friends.

Do you think I should maybe join a fraternity?

Did you write this?

That's our premium.

That's so funny.

That's our premium subscribers.

That's so funny.

Hey, that's a real conundrum.

I don't know what I was telling this.

I thought I was going too dark on this show

and then you hand me this.

I'm like, oh, I'm fine.

It's just a perk we give to our premium subscribers.

Thank you all for making this.

It's a very funny person.

You don't have to answer.

That's a very uncomfortable question.

Do you have anything?

I think there's one more.

Yeah, I've got a bull.

The producer's cherry pick these.

The producer's been cherry picking these.

All right.

Lady dog here.

Woo, woo.

Just wanted to say thanks for all the laughs.

My boyfriend got me hooked to y'all's podcast.

Anyway, I'll get to the point.

I know girls have a bad reputation for circling

around what they're trying to say

with unnecessary details.

So I'll try to spell y'all, spare y'all LOL.

But I'm in a bit of a pickle.

The whole thing started with my boyfriend.

When me and my boyfriend got drunk

and watched porn together, it was his idea.

So I let him pick the video

since I'm not much of a porn girl.

And he started off pretty vanilla,

basically like girl scissoring or whatnot.

We started hooking up with it on in the background

and it was pretty hot, but then the video was over.

It was like two minutes.

And I just clicked the next video again.

Two girls and continue giving my man a BJ.

And things got, and things were all good.

But then in the video, a short fat black guy came into the picture.

I'm like, I'm not lying.

The biggest dick I've ever seen.

It was like two Coke cans stacked on top of each other.

And so anyway, we started having sex

and the video really did something to me.

And seeing those women just being totally filled up

with this guy's, come on, man.

Just bring him straight.

All right, all right, all right.

I just want to reiterate as I'm reading,

this is somebody else's words.

This is not Kevin.

That's me saying this shit.

That's me.

All right.

So my clip is shit off.

This is me.

All right.

And the audio listeners might not know your reading.

You're going to have Nick Shirley on your phone.

Yeah.

I got to start talking slower.

Look at my lips.

It's crazy.

It's, I, whatever.

So these women are totally being filled up

with this guy's massive penis and my boyfriend kept saying

how wet I was glancing uneasily at the screen.

And so I just pulled him into me telling him to fuck me

or whatever, but then I don't know if it was desperation

or what, but my boyfriend, I guess,

trying to go along with started dirty talking to me,

but in like a black guy voice or whatever,

saying stuff like, you like this big ass black dick girl,

and like, oh, God damn,

this pussy slick it in the car watch parking.

This pussy slick it in the car watch parking lot.

Hurry up and come, girl,

so I can get back to doing my podcast.

Stuff like that.

And honestly, I was kind of mortified,

but the video was so good that I actually came,

but now my boyfriend thinks he has to talk

in like a black accent during, and I've even noticed

he's been dressing different too.

Did I like accidentally turn him black,

which is, which if so, I'm okay with that,

but I just don't know how to bring it up

because it seems kind of weird.

He's Asian by the way.

Thank you for our premium subscribers.

I don't know, I don't have any thoughts.

Those questions are both a little too complicated for myself.

I didn't know.

You know, you're writing these,

it's not a lie, it's a lie.

I asked the producer selected them.

I had no idea what to do.

This is the screen.

This is the screen perks you get.

I mean, I wish we, I had more,

I can't really tackle it, both are too heavy,

you know, for me to comfortably tackle it.

He's Asian by the way.

Well, guys, I can't thank you enough.

That was, you guys are great.

Thank you, Matt.

Appreciate you.

You guys have anything you want to plug or whatever?

Oh, go ahead, Kevin.

What am I doing?

When does this come out?

I don't know.

It's probably like tomorrow.

Okay.

I'm in DC over the weekend.

DC improv with Chris Red.

And then follow me on Instagram.

Kevin isopropanol.

Yeah.

Really?

At Benavory is good on a social media.

I got a podcast with my brother, Jay Savry,

and Demon Costa called Lemon Party.

Let's go.

patreon.com slash lemon party.

And I do livestreams sometimes.

Benavory.live.

I go live once a week.

If you want to sign up on my website,

you'll get notified when I go live.

Hell yeah.

That's it.

Thank you, Matt.

Appreciate you, buddy.

Thank you.

Cool.

Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast

on Spotify.

Do it.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.