Free the Babes of Iran | History Hyenas

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What's up everybody?

Today, we're going to be talking about Iran and how the most important thing is to free the babes of Iran.

They have the most beautiful women in the Middle East, so don't hurt them.

We take you back through all the squabbles between the United States and Iran and how we got here.

We also have a great deal of fun as per use.

Don't forget to join patreon.com slash history hyenas.

Don't forget to see me in Boston.

Don't forget to see me in West Nyak, New York.

Don't forget to see me at SoulJose this weekend in Potstown, PA.

Do not forget and don't forget March 9th next week.

We are doing the live history hyenas show at the village underground at the Comedy Cellar on West Earth Street in Manhattan.

Enjoy the app.

What's up everybody?

Welcome to another episode of history hyenas.

I'm Chris C.D. That's Yanny P.

This is the history hyenas and we are the girl bosses.

We are the girl bosses where the lady brains were a couple of kids that just joined the army.

We've joined the army of God.

Now, let me just tell you something right now.

Obviously, you know, the big news is United States, you know, taking over Iran, knocked out the regime and all that.

And I think it's pretty clear that the Russians and anyone who has sold weaponry to Iran

is kind of looking at themselves right now, gone, whoopsie daisy.

They're saying, I'm sorry because the United States has field goal kicked Iranian weapons in about one night.

They've killed pretty much anybody who's ever been a leader of Iran in the last 40 years.

They just killed him night one.

So I think Donald Trump probably got a text from a little man named Kim Jong Un saying,

I'm a sorry in a Japanese accent.

Yeah, and a sorry because he goes, yeah, Donald Trump, I am a sorry.

You are a nice guy.

I like you order on in your hair.

King Jong Un spent some time in Tokyo, apparently.

Yeah.

Yeah, this is one of those situations where you know you have a friend who goes offline for a little bit.

Yeah.

And then comes back online and you can tell that they've been in the gym a little bit.

Yeah.

And catches you a little off guard.

Yeah.

What Russia and China say right now, oh, America's been in the gym.

Yeah.

They've been in the gym.

They were like, look, you can, you can say our army's gay, you can save anything you want about America.

I mean, in about an hour, they've killed the top 40 leaders in Iran like, they've been able to extract them.

It's been like a surgery.

They're just like boom bang.

Yeah.

They go, what do you want?

It's almost like a menu.

They go like when you're sitting in first class on a plane, they go, what would you like?

They go, what would you like?

You want an extraction?

Yeah.

Now he's gone.

I don't know anything about like global conflicts.

I know.

Because what are you talking about?

You're a global comfort expert.

Expert.

Cons.

Christie Contra.

Yeah, I'm a physical therapist.

I don't know.

He's in a neighborhood.

Go to you friends.

Yes.

I don't know anything about it.

I truly don't.

There's plenty of the fans that will run circles around me.

I don't know.

I don't have that.

I don't have Dave Smith knowledge of any of this stuff, but I just know what I'm seeing on the news.

And what I'm seeing on the news is United States is fucking field goal kicking.

I ran.

That's just what I know.

And I know there's a lot of things.

I know there's a lot of new ones.

I know a lot of people are dying.

All that thing is upset.

And again, I don't know the first thing other than what I know is Donnie T is just lining

up the heads of the Iranian leadership.

And he's just hitting him with a fucking five iron.

And he's just saying, unfortunately, unfortunately, the kid is funny.

Unfortunately, nobody can stop that.

So he just goes, well, they were, I guess I got to him before he got to me.

Yeah.

And his speech, he goes, he's dead.

Yeah.

He's dead.

Yeah.

And it just sucks.

And this pronounced it.

Come on.

Yeah.

He's dead.

Yeah.

He just killed them all.

And they're just taking people out.

And what's funny is online, you see a lot of Long Live Iran.

And what's fun about that is both sides are tweeting that.

Yeah.

So it's very funny, because you got the Persians evolved in the diaspora, being Long Live

Iran.

And then you got the Shia Muslims also tweeting Long Live Iran.

Here's what I'll say, because is I don't know much about it.

We're going to learn here today.

We're going to go over the Iran Contra and some history that Iran is going to be fun

from fun.

You'll learn.

But I will say that I know that Iranian women are babes.

They're babes big.

But a lot of them, I totally come and he made them cover up.

So what I'm just hoping is the new leader just lets them show their beautiful faces and

boobs.

Yeah.

I mean, Iranian women are hot.

Essentially, that's what it is.

They're like the Puerto Rican to the Middle East.

Yeah.

Iranian women are too hot to be covered up.

They're too hot to be covered up.

And I bet you on the low, a couple of them got tits.

And you've never seen them and now you're going to see them because make absolutely no

mistake.

I'm going to use the company card to join the first only fans model who goes live from

Tehran.

And we are also going to be doing a live history hyenas right there in Tyran in 2020.

Something.

Yeah, we're going to do it.

We're going to be at the first comedy festival that will be happening in Tehran.

I mean, look at these.

I mean, they're just gorgeous.

They're just absolutely breathtakingly beautiful women.

The Iranian women might be the hottest women in the Middle East.

And I'm just happy that we're going to get to see a few of them.

Yeah.

We're going to be able to get our eyes on a few of them.

Yeah, it's just big because you know, the joke used to be like all Asians look alike

and the Asians probably say all whites look alike.

But truly, the group that looks the most alike is Shi'ai Muslim women.

Yeah, they look alike.

Yeah.

You just don't know.

Are you all the same person?

Yeah.

You can only really tell them apart by like, hi, you have to memorize their height.

That's all it is.

Yeah, I mean, so it's going to be nice.

Obviously, you know, if you have a family out there in Iran, stay safe in the Middle East.

I don't know.

I know it is in people, of course.

Yeah.

And you know, but here we're a comedy podcast.

So we're here to make you laugh.

We're here to have fun.

No, no, no.

We could say a wrong thing and prevent this from happening.

So it's really all on us.

Yeah.

We really have to make sure we say the right things because we say the wrong things people

will die.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You never know who can come on a podcast and sway an election.

Yeah.

Never know who could come on and as a result, innocent people die.

And so we really have to watch our words and treat this very clearly.

Those things.

It's like a horrible thing.

Like, you know, it's more happening than over the weekend.

There was a mass shooting at a bar in Austin, Texas.

A man came out there with an I love all of a shirt and started shooting everybody.

And it's sad and it's unfortunate.

And you'll be able to hear from him tonight on Killtony.

Yeah.

Way song she ain't I think he's supposedly got the golden ticket.

Yeah, I think I'm sure it actually said all our university or something is, which is

a good school.

This is a very, very good school.

Obviously, it's an all boys school.

Yeah.

It's an all boys school.

Lab 14.

Didn't it say all our university with that university of a law?

Yeah.

So the kid, he's just, you know, he's in an all boys school.

Yeah.

He was a Senegali kid, I think, who, which by the way, those are the women, Senegali

women.

They got a lot of hot Christian women.

I'm looking for in my next life.

I'm looking for an African wife.

Yeah.

That's what I'm looking for.

Yeah.

And it took the cops a couple seconds to take them out because they're on horseback.

Is that true?

I mean, when you go to Austin, you go to Sixth Street.

The cops are just on horseback.

Yeah.

It's one of those things where it's like, let's get off the horses.

Yeah.

Let's just get the drones out.

Let's get the drones out.

Yeah.

We need some drones.

Now I, unfortunately, there's a lot of violence happening in the world and the only thing

really to do left to do now is just to laugh at it and just have fun, fun, fun because

it just feels like any moment now we're going to get new.

That's all you can do really at this point.

All you can do is really laugh, try to make jokes and cheer people up and just alert people

that if World War Three does happen, I did do my research.

I think it would probably be North Dakota, Montana, and then one other one that, what's

the least, the one with the least population in the United States, not Wisconsin, but it's

Wyoming.

Wyoming.

Yeah.

You're a kid.

You know your states, you know your capital.

Because I know it big.

Yeah.

So we have our missile silos there.

We got our new stairs.

They'll probably try to take out our capabilities first, which means you'll be able to live

an extra 20, 30 minutes, maybe an hour, two hours.

That's nice.

New York.

And that is enough time to get a loophole before it ends.

And that's all I care about.

And I disagree because if I know it's ending up calling Chrissy, we're going straight

for loophole.

Because I think I ran.

I don't believe that.

I think I ran.

It's going to take a look at the map of the United States.

You can look for one thing and one thing only.

Where are the most Jews?

I think that's going to be New York's three Miami.

Yeah.

So they're going to just start curling nukes at those states first.

Very posse.

I don't think they're going to hit Montana because there's just not enough Jews there.

Iran does not like Jewish people.

No, they're not in in them.

It's not something they prefer.

They're not into Jewish people.

No, they're the middle Eastern people overall are not into Jewish people.

They're not huge.

So it hurts the narrative when people go out and protest about Palestine or for free.

I ran all that because it just hurts the narrative because a lot of them are Jewish

and you want to say, buddy, they don't like you.

Forget about your gay also.

Right.

You're just done.

Yeah.

I like you.

We like you.

We like you.

We love you.

We want the gay Jews here on the history.

Hainan's podcast.

And we love muzzies too.

Yeah.

I love muzzies.

I love muzzies people.

I love all people.

The United States is very tolerant nation.

Iran is not.

No, Iran is not.

Well, this leadership isn't the new people will be.

No, Iran is a very tolerant nation if you're not a Jew.

Yes.

That's what I would say.

Very good.

If you're not Christian or Jew, they're big on you.

Big.

So they're very tolerant.

They define it.

Yeah.

So that is very true.

That can happen.

What's interesting about this conflict generally is it's confused a lot of people.

Sure.

Confused me.

Yeah.

Because you got Shia Muslims.

You got your Sunni Muslims.

I'm going to give you a little muzi break.

Give me that.

Yeah.

You got Shia Muslims over here.

And the Shia Muslims believe that the succession of Muhammad is what should be respected.

What does that mean?

What do you mean by that?

If you were related to Muhammad, your divine and his uncle's cousins, whatever, they're

the ones that need to take over the religion.

But how do you prove who's an uncle or cousin of Muhammad to check out their piece and see

who's cutting, who's not?

So if you're cut, you got to be a cousin.

Muhammad was cut.

I think they were all cut.

I don't know.

I think it's a Jew's lip.

I invented that.

The Jews invented clipping.

They did invent clipping.

Okay.

Egyptians right now have perfected it.

It's.

Yeah.

At least look.

I mean, it's equality.

It was the guys that used to be clipped.

Now the girls are clipped in it too.

So you got to give the Egyptians a, you know, you got to give them a round of applause

for equality.

Okay.

So the Shia, the Shia Muslims, right?

These are the ones that you're saying they believe everything that whoever descends from

Muhammad, we figure that out.

That should be the leaders.

And then the counterpart is the Shia, the counterpart is the Sunni.

So isn't there Shia Muslims?

Shia.

So who Shia and Shia sounds like it sounds like a British guy saying Shia.

But are Shia and Shiaites the same?

No, that's the same.

Yeah.

So Shia and Shiaites are the same.

Yeah.

It's, it's, it's, you're abbreviating one.

Shia, Shia.

Okay.

I thought it was like a formal like in Spanish.

Like Chris.

It's like Chris.

It's like Chris.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Chris and Christopher.

Chris and Christopher.

So the Shia, Shiaites.

Yeah.

Believe in, in, I think.

Okay.

And then what about the Sunni Dees?

The Sunni Dees, the, the, the Sandra, the, the, the, the, the, the, the Sundra Dees.

Sundras.

They believe in like the generals and like the other guys.

Because they think the Shia, if you're worshipping the people too much, then it's, you're,

you're, it's not, it's not divine enough.

So would we be Shia or Sunni?

The Sunnis accepted Abu Bakr, Umar, Uthman, uh, and Ali as the four rightful caliphs.

Okay.

And Shiaites believe one descendant, uh, descendant of the prophet known as Imams.

So the Shiaites are all about the Imams.

And the Sunnis are all about, um, Abu Bakr, Umar, Uthman, and Ali as the rightful caliphs.

As the rightful guys.

Okay.

Like caliphs, one likes Umams.

So who would you be?

Are you, are you more, are you more, are you, are sometimes I'm in the move for a slice

and sometimes I'm in the move for a square.

It's just what it is.

I mean, still pizza.

So we go.

Yeah.

So we're just, yeah, we're just, depends on what you're in the move for.

It's still both pizza technically.

So and they don't like each other.

Sunni and Shiaites don't like each other and they both live in Iran.

They don't like each other big.

And do they both live in Iran?

No.

The Shiaites are in Iran.

They're about, they make up about 10% of global Muslims.

So they're in a minority, but they're the majority of Iran.

And then the rest of the muslim world is Sunni.

And then you got your Sufi Muslims, which can be Sufi Shia or Sufi, uh, Sufi, Sufi Shia

or Sufi Sunni.

And your Sufis are more mystical, they're more, uh, spiritual, they believe in some

other shit.

Got it.

Yeah.

But do that, or all of them are ever more from the Sufis to the Shiaite to the Sunni

Ds.

Are they all the same thing covered up just the eyes out for the women?

That is a good one.

Or different degrees of it all.

I think there's different degrees of it.

So technically they're all supposed to be wrapped up.

Okay.

So the Sunnis, you say are the ones that make up most of Iran?

Yes.

So that's why the other Middle Eastern countries right now are getting in and fighting

Iran because most of everyone else is Shia.

Right.

So they don't like them.

They would if if Iran was Shia, the other Middle Eastern countries wouldn't be getting

involved.

That's right.

So and then in like Saudi Arabia, you got the Wahhabi Sunnis, okay?

Habis Sunnis are like, they're spicy, they're spicy.

And so they both look at each other as heretics.

Yeah.

So for religious reasons, they go like a little Wahhabi Muslim on my sushi.

Yeah.

I like a little Wahhabi mustard on my sushi as well.

And so they are fighting each other and Saudi Arabia and not a fan of Iran and Iran,

not a fan of Saudi Arabia.

Great.

So that's what's going on there.

So it's not that neat.

So the Ayatollah didn't like the, that Bill Burr went to the Riyadh Comedy Festival.

The Ayatollah is not a fan of that.

The Ayatollah is not a fan of America.

Anyone who cozy's up to America or does any business deals with Israel and that's currently

the Saudi royal family.

And that's just, that's just the way the cookie crumbles as they say.

So okay.

So that's what it is.

So right now what we have is a little bit of a, we have an argument in sand.

Well, we basically have, we have a fight in sandbox.

We have a fight in sandbox.

The kids are playing naughty.

They're throwing sand at each other and what, what, what most people don't know is some

of the most Islamophobic people are Islamic.

Yes.

Because they don't like the Shiite or the right.

So they do that.

And then, and now we have had what's going on too in the world of the internet is we

do have a lot of propaganda conspiracy like today we, there was information there.

That is a very good point.

I would probably say it's true.

We're probably going to cackle all that because we don't want to make America look like

they're not invincible.

Right.

And that's exactly why they look.

That's what it is.

So that's it.

Yeah.

So that's on the Patreon.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And those guys were wearing head wraps.

I don't question.

I mean, it's just what it is.

Yeah.

And okay.

Because there's no way you're going to do friendly fire with three is your point.

Three is my point.

Yeah.

And that is, in fact, let's make a myth about it right now for the propaganda.

Those were, it's the father, the son, the Holy Spirit.

There's three of them.

Christianity, crusades, whatever.

We did it to ourselves in order to honor the father, the son, the Holy Spirit.

It's what it is.

So it was actually friendly fire and no pilots were lost.

No pilots.

It was a miracle and God walks on water and all that stuff.

It's what it is.

And the pilots hit the ejection seats, which is probably fun.

I'd like to do that once in my life.

That would be fun too.

Hit the ejection seat.

You want to hit the ejection seat in your life, don't you?

Yeah.

I really would like to just fucking parachute out.

I'd like to land in the center, go and get an African wife.

Yeah.

So that's what they got to do.

They got to feel that feeling.

Would you like that feeling just shoot now into freedom?

Yeah.

I'd like that big.

And if you are an African Christian woman, you can go ahead and join Patreon.com

slash history.

Hyenas.

Yeah.

That's real fun.

And you send us a message.

That's what I'm looking for.

That's what I'm looking for.

Or I thought you were going to go Eastern Hemisphere.

No, I'm not going to go Eastern Hemie.

The new, the search now is for a Sub-Saharan African Christian woman.

That's what you want.

That's what it is.

Yeah.

Okay.

That's a nice one.

Yeah.

And then we also at patreon.com slash history.

Hyenas.

We are going to do the Nick dating game.

We have a live show next Monday, March 9th.

Yes.

So three single ladies.

We will call them out from the crowd and we're going to have a dating game with Nick.

And then we're going to get Nick some puts.

Yeah.

So we're going to have a couple ladies on your WWE alliances.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We want to know you get your knowledge ready because the questions will all be wrestling

based.

Wrestling.

You remember your dating game where it's like bachelor number one.

So you're taking me out of the day.

So Nick's going to be like, okay, bachelor number one, uh, sting.

Where is he from?

Yeah.

What intramural wrestling locally did he start in?

Yeah.

And what was his heel name?

Yeah.

Before he became stay.

Yeah.

Nick's going to be like, okay, fuck Mary kill ultimate warrior Hulk Hogan to Tonka go.

Finish the sentence for me.

Hulk Hogan was not a good wrestler because yes.

Yeah.

John Michaels was actually the best racker wrestler and why?

Yeah.

If your ideal date doesn't involve going to WrestleMania, you're out.

Ray Mysterio Jr.

We're finally taking off his mask was bad for wrestling.

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why was that a national international tragedy?

Yeah.

And why, right?

Right.

We didn't want to see.

We didn't want.

We would rather have not knowing what Ray Mysterio Jr. look like.

Yeah.

Why did they do that?

Why did they do that?

Yeah.

Because they disrespect the culture.

Yeah.

Disrespecting the culture is what they did.

It's what it is.

Disrespecting the culture.

Yeah.

That's what it did.

This situation over in Iran is confusing a lot of people and it's fun to watch because

you have people arguing who you wouldn't otherwise have arguing, right?

So you have this situation where you have the, I told the committee who murdered tons

of protests.

Sure.

But if you side with the protesters, then you're siding with something that Israel also

wants.

Right.

So if you're in America and you're against Israel, you got to not say anything.

So Iran has.

It's confusing for you.

Iran has what we call a situation.

There's a situation right now.

Yeah.

The Middle East is flaring up again.

It's got to be the vacant situation.

So unfortunately, Chrissy D's not going to go to the Saudi Arabian Comedy Festival this

year.

Unfortunately, no.

I don't think there will be a set for it.

There will be a festival.

Yeah.

But I will go if I'll go on Zoom.

Yeah.

There will just be bombs there and it'll feel like there's still a festival going on

of certain comedians go.

Yeah.

It's just what it is.

Like the bomb.

Bomb.

Yeah.

Big, bang, bang.

I don't know who that might be.

But yeah, it's a very complicated situation and it seems like it's not going to get better.

Yeah.

And it seems like certain people are scared to talk about it because they don't want

to appear Islamophobic.

Right.

So that's sort of the situation because you'd be arguing against essentially the ruling

class over there, which are Muslims.

And the thing is, we don't really know what's going on over there.

That's why I stick to really, for me, what this is about is just releasing the babes

from Iran because Iran has babes, babes, babes, babes.

Release the fucking babes.

Release.

I mean, Iran has got babes.

Release the fucking babes.

Iranian women are babes.

So for me, it's about bomb what you want, kill you want, give us the babes.

That is our position on this.

Yes.

We're not four against it.

We are four one thing and that is release the babes.

The babes of Iran.

I mean, you are welcome here.

You have a room here at the History of Hainan's show because make absolutely no mistake.

I will get a lot tattooed on my forehead to have some of these irons and babes because

Beverly Hills was a big big because those are all Persian Jews over there.

Yep.

Yep.

They're big into this.

Yeah.

They want it.

They want it big.

Yeah.

And Iranians in the diaspora were celebrating big.

Do we have Iranians in New York City?

Absolutely.

But where are they located?

They're all over the place, but they're big and in Beverly Hills.

They're big and Beverly Hills.

They're big in New York.

If you're an Iranian girl out there and you're into a guy with a skin tag on his eyelid,

you go to patreon.com, search history and he's sent me a message.

You've been doing something with that because it's gotten smaller.

I've got a face care routine now.

Do you really know?

That's my new thing.

I use Brickle face cream, not a sponsor.

I just found them.

Brickle.

And how did I find them?

Is Ryan Sarhan uses it?

I think.

I don't know if he does.

I have a moisturizer I put on.

I have an eye cream and I just have a skin care routine at the moment.

Nice.

Yes.

Just a little history.

And I just also want to just say publicly, just because I forgot, I did use the company

card to sign up for an only fan's account.

So I just want to say that before I forget and it's only $6 a month.

Every problem has a solution.

So I just obviously could have put on the family card, so I put on the company card and

I will Venmo you the difference if it's, you know, so you just, if you see that, just

know that if you get a charge that says, yes, we did, we've joined the only fan's for

the company.

And it's technically, theoretically, it's a tax write-off.

If you want to go sniff out, what's Chrissy's screen name is there?

Go look.

What did you, what did you name yourself?

Hi, Hino or John Diaz?

John Diaz.

John Diaz.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And you can find me as Carlos Danger on there.

Yeah.

What it is because I make absolutely no mistake.

I got back on Instagram.

I'm comfortably back on social media now and I got hooked by an only fan's model immediately.

So I just used the company card.

I used the Bay Ridge Boys card and we just, now we are the proud, we are the proud sponsors.

Bonsers?

I've been only fan's model.

Oh, my phone's over there.

I'll show you on the picture.

I'm going to talk all about it.

I mean, she's got big boobs and you'd want to clean it big.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What can you do?

What can you do except for release the Babes of Iran?

Release the Babes of Iran.

I mean, the name of this episode is the Babes of Iran.

Yeah.

And we're going to be right back after short commercial break because I have to jerk off.

Because remember that shirt I was wearing last week that the polka dots had buttoned down?

How can I forget?

Because that was from Miz and in Maine.

That is cute.

Yeah.

It was a cute shirt.

I got a lot of compliments.

Miz and in Maine, they make men's wear performance fabric.

So it's effortless to look sharp and feel great and they make men's wear.

They're not making women's wear to make men's shit.

They sent me an absolutely cute shirt too because I am into cute stuff and what they

assured me ended up being true.

And that is that the shirts stay crisp.

Yeah.

They stay comfortable.

Yeah.

And somehow they stay clean way longer than they should because the Miz and my Miz and

in Maine shirt has been through multiple massages at West Gardening.

It's still clean.

Most dress shirts make you choose, look polished or feel comfortable.

Miz and in Maine is the first shirt that I have ever worn because that actually does both.

And it does it without ironing, without steaming or without dry cleaning.

Which is why I like it because I'm a lazy Greek.

You're a lazy Greek and hair is how I know Miz and in Maine is great.

Nick's even wearing Miz and in Maine stuff.

He's for the first time since the late 90s gotten out of some wrestling t-shirts and putting

on some Miz and in Maine.

And that's what it's good for.

It's what it is.

Right now, Miz and in Maine is offering our listeners 20% off your first purchase at

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Yeah.

Yeah.

That's what you do.

So if you see a like on your page from the history, I hate is it's just for engagement.

It's it's our social media manager.

It's what it is.

It's always dick.

Yeah, it's Nick.

He's a pervert.

He's always blame Nick or Jesse.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Um, okay.

Roughly spit out my coffee because because roughly half of the nation's iranians reside

in the state of California.

The other launch communities include New York, New Jersey, which have 9.1% of the US Iranian

population.

So we got the second most Iranians live here.

So the babes are out.

Yeah.

So I was about to give you that fact and also Texas, uh, Texas is in there.

So it's basically all the hotspots you would think of that have all the immigrants is

where Texas Maryland, the Maryland DC area, Bames, New York and LA.

Yep.

That's where they all are.

And so this is a situation where, uh, there's a long history.

There's a long history between the United States and Iran and the United States and Israel.

Because Iran and the United States used to be, we used to be friends, right?

No.

Oh, we were never friends.

No, we were never friends.

Never got along.

Ew.

They never really got along.

I thought we did.

No, we never really got along in the modern Iran, modern Iran, got it.

Modern Iran is, I guess you can say 1979 and I know before the seven, before that we

got along, uh, well, if you consider us getting in their control and their oil and kind

of, sure, doing CIA operations getting along, we did get along, which is getting along

with the United States.

Yeah.

If you do what we say, you get along with us.

What it is?

I mean, I mean, they, you ever seen old pictures of Tehran from the 60s?

How beautiful it is.

Oh, the babes.

I mean, babes of babes, the fucking hot, hot Iranians.

I mean, it's like covering up a, a, a beautiful car.

Why would you do that?

Why would you do that?

Put it on display.

Get it on display.

Yeah.

Get it out there.

Why would you do that?

The CIA and M16 orchestrated coup to overthrow, uh, Mozaday, right?

So they wanted to overthrow him, uh, because he a nationalized Iran's oil industry.

And if there's one thing the United States does not like, right, historically, it's when

you say the oil belongs to the people.

Yeah.

They don't want that.

No, they don't want to hear that at all.

No, the oil does not belong to the people.

No, the oil does not belong to your people just because it's under your ground.

It belongs to the strongest people.

Yes.

And that's what we like.

We like to play boy and sell a, play ball and sell his cheap oil.

And that's our number one priority, usually.

So if you just follow those rules, sure, I'm not here to tell you how to live.

Right.

I'm just saying, if you know what's good for you, right?

What you want to do is never say that the oil belongs to the people.

Yeah, because it does not, it does not belong to the people.

Let me ask you this.

In 1979, I mean, the Shah was overthrown in a popular revolution led by Ayatollah

Khomeini, who just was killed by the US.

So what happened?

No, that was, that was, that was the original Ayatollah Khomeini.

Okay.

Okay.

So they just keep reincarnating the same guy with same, same name, same name, same shit.

But this Ayatollah has been there for 40, 40, the religion too.

But for 46 years or whatever, 47 years, he's been there.

So then why did they, like, what, what happened in 1979 or leading up where the people wanted

this?

Because I mean, now they're overthrown in the other way.

Right.

So what happened after we overthrew their prime minister, Mosul Duh, and the people, right?

So young people, college students, and Islamists, okay, we're like, we want the foreign influence

out.

They're, they're trying to take our oil.

They're trying to take our resource to try and troll us.

So there was, and, you know, the Western influence, the Muslims didn't like the Western

influence, girls dressing the way they were dressing.

And the students, you know, they were communist students and, and liberal, very progressive

students.

Sure.

We have here.

They were like, get out, colonialization, Western influence, get out, get out.

So they teamed up.

The students, the young people that ran, teamed up with the Islamists, okay.

And they, they, they, they, they kicked out the American and the British backed shop.

And then, but those girls that kicked them out, then all of a sudden had, could you show

their eyes for the next 46 years?

No.

So then they went, yes, we got them out.

We got them out.

Yeah.

And they went to high five.

The girls and the college students went to high five, the Islamists, okay, they caught

their arms off.

Yeah.

It said, but we're not doing that.

Yeah.

We're not doing that.

What we're going to do right now is you're going to put a blanket over your body.

Right.

Yeah.

So in other words, the college kids had a little bit of a whoopsie.

The college kids said, oh, maybe we fucked up.

Yeah.

So that's what happened.

Then they got locked into this for 46 years.

They got locked into something.

They didn't really see that part coming because what they did was they aligned themselves

with the wrong person.

Yeah.

Islam, and then they took power and then, so they got duped by the Islamists in a way.

I don't know if they got duped.

I don't think the Islamics were ever lying about who they were.

Right.

They were convenient allies in getting rid of the Shah and the American and British installed

government.

I see.

They had a common enemy and they joined up.

And then it was like, once we were gone, the Islamists said, okay, which one of us is

going to win now?

Right.

They said, we're going to win because we believe in peace and all that.

We said, well, you don't guys don't have any swords.

Yeah.

You don't have any swords.

You don't got any weapons.

So yeah.

Not as strong as our beliefs.

So that's what happened.

Interesting.

So now, and then pretty much since 1979, the United States has been looking for a way to

overthrow them.

Well, get back.

Right.

Yeah.

So since 1979, then we started throwing some sanctions on them, trying to do whatever

we can to cripple them, to cripple that regime and whatever, and the Shi'i Muslims

not a fan of Israel.

So they started funding all these proxy militia groups because they didn't want to directly

do anything.

Right.

Right.

So they started funding groups like Hezbollah and the Houthis and Hamas to kind of fuck

shit up.

And over the years, they bombed, you know, they hijacked the plane, TWA playing 1985.

They went, they're Iranians.

Yeah.

Well, Hezbollah.

Hezbollah.

Iranians will never say it was Iran.

They go, what the hell?

They go.

It wasn't us.

But it Hezbollah, who is that?

That's the terrorist proxy.

That is Iran.

Right.

Okay.

And they, so 85, there was the TWA, because I always think Hezbollah is that little kid on

Instagram.

Who's that one?

Yeah.

His name is Hezbollah.

Is his name Hezbollah?

Right.

Yeah.

Something close to that.

The little, the, the, the, the, the squeak.

Yeah.

Cause there's a lot of times where I would see Hezbollah attacks and I'd say this is a little

fuck it.

Somebody put this little fucking kid back in the, his room.

I just call him the Rizzler of the Middle East.

Yeah.

That's what he is.

But it's his name Hezbollah.

Something like that.

Yeah.

Somebody put him back in his cage, right?

Yeah.

And then he goes, what's he doing?

Yeah.

What is he doing?

What is he doing?

Put somebody put this, keep back in his room.

Yeah.

Give him fish sticks and get him in the back, back room.

Yeah.

So we've had a lot of drama with Iran over the years.

And then of course there was the Iran Contra scandal.

Right.

So we had the TWA hijacking 85.

We had the Marine barracks that they bombed and killed like 200, 300 Marines.

U.S.

Marine?

U.S.

Marine.

And we didn't, we didn't hit them with a nuke for that?

No, we didn't hit them with a nuke cause.

Wow.

How Donny T would hit you with a nuke for that.

We made you pay for that.

Who was the president in the 1980s with the 300 Marines?

That was caught up.

Right.

And it was caught under Carter Reagan.

85.

So a different kind of guy.

If a guy like Trump was in and you did that, if you did that today, you killed 300 Marines,

it would not be good for your country.

No.

Why didn't they hit them?

Why didn't the U.S.

attack them?

Because it's a complicated thing.

They're a big country and 90 million people.

You know, it wouldn't have been, we weren't as big as we were now.

The U.S., right?

Or we were.

We were big.

I mean, we didn't have the, I don't know.

We didn't have the discriminator.

Pulse the trigger.

Does pull the trigger.

Is that just what it is?

Do you think a lot of presidents want to do what Trump did, but Trump just pulls the trigger?

Well, undoubtedly.

That's the thing.

If you look at what Hillary said, she said, I want the people of Iran to know if I get

elected president, we're going to war with Iran.

Right.

We're going in there.

So they all say the same.

It's even with the border.

Everyone goes like Trump with the border.

You look back at what, even what Bernie said about the border.

I mean, Bernie's even saying like you can't have an open border.

I mean, Bernie.

Very conservative on the border is Bernie.

Hillary has said it, Obama said it, Clinton said it.

They all say the same shit.

It's just that Trump's tone is a little more crass and he's a little bit more, he's less,

he doesn't, less politician.

He's less politician and he's a little more divisive with his rhetoric.

He doesn't know how to like, he doesn't know how to smile in bomb.

Right.

Right.

He doesn't smile in bomb.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He goes out there and he goes.

Dead, dead.

Yeah.

He doesn't go like, we've fulfilled operations and the, I don't know, Matt.

He instantly goes, dies like a dog.

They died in the sand.

He died crime for his mama.

Right.

I got him before he got me.

Fuck you.

Right.

He's that guy.

He's that guy.

Yeah.

So he, which maybe I understand there's a lot of negatives about that.

I get that, but sometimes in times of need, you just need a guy like that.

History will tell.

That's the thing.

Everyone's arguing now.

Like everyone, oh, this is going to cause World War three.

Maybe it will.

Right.

There's a good chance it will.

There's a good chance that, you know, and this works out.

There's by 2027, you got jet blue flights direct to Tehran.

It's possible.

And little debos, you know, might be throwing the bags and we're going direct to Tehran

baby with digital front wheels.

Definitely Saudi Arabia, Israel, the United States, they're trying to remake the Middle

East.

Right.

They want this to change.

Right.

So they see Iran as like the number one sponsor of extremist groups and they want to

get rid of it.

Now, will they know, I mean, look, because you still

got the Pakistanis out there.

You still got the Afghans.

Well, right now Pakistan and Afghanistan are at war, like they're distracted over there.

I don't know what that war is about, but they're both Muslim countries and they're fighting

each other over something.

Yeah.

So it's just like, oh, India wants this too big.

A lot of people want this big.

India wants Iran out of here.

India is big against Muslims.

Right.

So they don't care.

They're actually more indiscriminate.

They don't, they just go, we're against Muslims because of the whole Pakistani thing.

Yeah.

The whole civil war between them.

They just want them out.

Hindus in the moon.

They just not fan.

It's just wanted.

They're just not fans.

So the Indians, the Hindus and the Muslims.

Yeah.

We, you know, we, we forget sometimes we live in a country, we live in a westernized country

where we're like, you know, politically correct and we do all those things and I see the

positive in that.

But there's other places in the world where they just tell you how it is on national

television.

They tell you how it is like, so they'll tell the school teachers is just in India will

just say, we just want the Muslims out of here.

That's the I write.

Right.

That's what it is.

When it comes to individual rights, when it comes to justice, you just can't be trans

in Russia.

But what's not going to, or Ukraine, they're just not going to, they're just not going

to allow it.

That's the irony of it.

When it comes to this, we do hear freedom of speech, distance, individual rights.

There's nothing compares to the United States and the Western world.

When people, when people rail against the United States in the United States, it's proof

of how great the United States is.

Yeah.

Just in China, go, you know what the government sucks?

You disappear.

Right.

You disappear.

Right.

So that's the irony of it.

Right.

That's kind of the irony of it is like, you're allowed to complain about the people's

and power here.

They're allowed to get voted out.

You know, when you ever, whenever you have these guys call, like anyone calls someone a boot

liquor.

Yeah.

One of these like communist, what does that mean?

Boot liquor.

Boot liquor means like, oh, you're like a mega boot liquor.

Oh, like you love, Matt.

You love power.

It's like, and they, a lot of these people love China and you're going, wait a second.

So you're favoring, you're favoring a system that always elects a strong man that can't

be voted out.

Yeah.

And you, and the people there have to bend to his power.

Right.

That is the definition of bootlicking.

We can vote out our people.

We can vote out our people.

Remember one, the podcast, you're not talking to your brother.

This is a conversation that you have with your brother.

Right.

I'm trying to make points to my brother.

You're looking at me like I'm your brother.

Yeah.

I do not call you a mega bootlicker.

I'm not your brother.

I'm not, I'm not, yeah, but your brother says you're a mega brother.

My brother.

Yeah, my brother doesn't, he doesn't like anything that sounds moderate yet, cause

and then you're come back to him.

We'll say I might be a bootlicker, you're a bootie liquor.

We're all just put you in stomach.

Yeah.

It's what it is.

Like you did in your dad's birthday party.

Now, cause it's a complicated world.

We need to release the babes released from Iran.

We want the babes of Iran to be safe.

We want the babes of Iran to know that we hear you.

We are looking forward to your unveiling.

We know that you're a beautiful babes in that country.

We love the babes of Iran and we want you to stay safe.

We want you to stay warm.

We want you to join patreon.com, such as history and as you have the safe haven.

We will open up the border with no questions asked for the babes of Iran.

If you are refugee in Iran and we have a system here, if you're over in seven, seven and

a half out of ten, you're in.

We should be treating the border like they do nightclubs.

Yeah.

The door at nightclubs.

Yeah.

If you're a guy, you need three hot babes that you get in or else there's no guys alive.

I mean, I would understand if I was trying, if I was going to a country, if the United States

really did fall apart and we had to go to like Mexico or Canada or something like that.

Say Canada.

And the guy at the border of Canada, I could see him letting jazz in and my daughters would

be older by then.

I'm sure they'll be beautiful like their mom and then I just won't get in and I would

just understand I'm not going to get in.

Sometimes.

And that's why three babes from Iran was like, yeah, sometimes you don't got to overthink

stuff.

I get it.

Like just follow the rules of nightclubs.

I would not complain at all.

And Donald Trump has a president, I'm sure he would agree that the babes of Iran can

come into the country.

Exactly.

Yeah.

That's what it should be.

And the babes of South America can come into the country.

Yeah.

No problem.

I mean, did you see the guy, the girl who mom Donnie got her out of prison last week

from Azerbaijan, go mom Donnie, did you see the, the, the, he got her out of the ice

detention center?

Yeah.

I mean, look at this girl.

True.

She's in.

Yeah.

Well, it's no looking over the record.

They said, oh, but she's got connections to Hamas.

It's a letter.

Yeah.

There should be, for every Border Patrol agent, there should be, uh, yeah, I mean, there

should be an attending list guy, a door guy standing right next to him going, you two,

I mean, this, you know, the, I mean, it's just a babe, babe, babe, forget about coming

into the country.

She can come in my family.

It's what it is.

Yeah.

Now, speaking of babes, cause I want to give you quick, congrats to you and your wife

today.

Is my anniversary?

Yeah.

We were supposed to do the live show and you forgot that the anniversary is happening.

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Where, what's the dinner, where are we going?

You're not invited, unfortunately, cuz.

Cos, what do you mean?

Yeah, you can't come.

What?

What if I just sit in another table?

No, you can't.

I want to be part of your anniversary.

And your wife's birthday party.

Yeah.

He texted me and he said, you would have a sleep over tonight.

Yeah.

Cos, are we going to celebrate your wife's birthday and your wife's anniversary at Soul

Joel's wedding?

That's what we're going to do.

Yeah.

Dinner lined up tonight.

Well, what we're going to do, she said, because we got the kids and all that.

Sure.

So if I get back early, maybe we'll take the kids and go somewhere.

Otherwise, we're going to do, she just said, just bring me some nice sushi.

My wife is addicted to sushi.

I think in a previous life, she was a jab.

Honestly, Cos, and definitely she's from Wog Island.

She's not Jewish, but she definitely isn't a jab.

That's what I'm saying.

That's what I'm saying.

I'm a Jewish American princess.

Now, I think with your wife, that's great because she's not putting a lot of pressure

on you.

She's saying, I have a husband right now who definitely forgot her anniversary.

So if you could just bring me a little sushi, that would be good.

And I think that's good.

Yeah.

I think that's good.

That wouldn't, unfortunately, be mildly.

Well, you don't have an anniversary yet.

Not yet.

Well, I do.

It's January 6th.

You have a gotcha day.

Yeah, gotcha.

You have a gotcha day.

Ever forget I proposed on January 6th.

And if you were more of a dog person, you would know how funny that is.

Gotcha.

You have a gotcha day.

Right.

So a gotcha day is when you rescue a dog from a rescue, they call that the gotcha day

anniversary.

Okay.

So it's not the official birthday.

It's a gotcha day.

Right.

Yeah.

You just have a gotcha day.

Gotcha day.

Yeah.

You have a day of like gotcha.

Yeah.

It's what it is.

Because I got a property.

I got a, you know, on my back yard, there's not a fence in the back and the kids came running

back and they say, Josephine got to the fence that she went on the other side of the fence

and I didn't necessarily sprint to go find her.

I just, I got out there and I did find her and I did get her, but it wasn't urgent.

It's like, okay, I'm going to get her.

Let me just take a piss, wash my hands and put on my good boots because that's what

then we did get her.

It makes me wonder about you because Germans typically love dogs, especially the biting

ones.

Right.

They love them.

There's so many dog breeds that are German.

Right.

So many, right?

And they all bite.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The Germans, I mean, they like, but even the, a lot of the, a lot of the, a lot of the

terrier, right?

Like you got the, you got shnauzers and stuff.

Nauseers.

Doxons bite.

Got doxins.

I mean, so many dog breeds originated in German.

The Germans love them.

You know who does not like dogs?

Who?

Muzzies.

Chinese?

Too good guesses.

Family-fused survey says first and second place.

Who's gays?

No, they love gays, love dogs.

Love dogs.

They love small dogs.

Who doesn't like dogs?

I know Muslims don't.

Muslims and Chinese.

Well, Muslims number one.

Muslims number one.

Yeah.

Muslims, it's part of their culture that dogs need to be, they can't sleep indoors.

So the best thing is just not to have them, they can be used for utilitarian purpose.

You can use them to farm or whatever for their job, but you can't like have them inside.

It's not, yeah.

Be like having like a wild animal in your house.

They just not into it.

They're dirty animals.

Right.

Right.

Yeah, but look at all these.

Germans have the box.

The dashhound.

The Doberman Peninsula.

It's a great day.

It's a German Shepherd.

It's a Minicious Nausea.

The Pomeranian.

The Wattweiler and the Jew finder.

Yeah.

Wei Songxi.

How to find it is the Jew finder?

Yeah, the Jew finder is an unknown breed.

Yeah.

I mean, because I almost, you know what's crazy before we got Josephine who's a, who's

a mix of a Siberian Husky and a German Shepherd, we almost were going to go for a great

day.

Yeah, which would have been wild because that dog's like a horse, no?

That dog's like a horse and it lives like four years.

Yeah, it's what it is.

That wouldn't be good for me.

Tim Dylan just texted me getting bad quick.

So what happened now?

I don't know.

But what he does is he just takes a text and he sends it out to like 40 people and whoever

we replies to.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Something must be going bad, but I just wanted to read to the people what I told you.

I wanted you to know something about dogs and I really did want you to know this and

it's from the, well, the rest of this will go at Patreon at our top.

We are reading text messages at patreon.com such history heinus on a weekly basis now and

they're 10 out of 10s and they're worth the money.

This one is going to definitely be, this one was wild, but remember, I told you about dogs.

I know you have for paying attention or whatever, but I told you about Josephine because

I know that you're trying to get her run away.

Right.

I know you want her gone.

What I've been doing is I've been putting peanut butter on like trees across the street.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's what you're doing and I mean, yeah, it's just what it is.

Yeah.

It was a little good.

Okay.

So we're going to read all this at Patreon.

A lot of it can go on the YouTube, but all of us to go and patreon.com such history

heinus.

Yeah.

If you don't know, we have a series at our top level where we regularly post our text messages

because they're just a little too, they're a little too unfiltered for the regular

conduits of entertainment.

Yeah.

You can't do it.

You can't do it.

So we just got to make sure that you are somebody who can afford to listen to this stuff.

Yeah.

It's just what it is.

You know, as I said last week, you know, unfortunately with me, sometimes what happens

is when it, you know, I just get in a mode where I get silly, silly, silly, and what really

gets me in that mode is THC and the head executives of the network I had a pilot for that was

in development for two years sent me this email that was very nice and very tatesful and

very kind about how it was just a budgetary issue and it wasn't creative and this and that.

And I just sent them back the emoji of an open asshole and that's just what I emailed

back and I left it and my manager yelled at me and Jimmy yelled it was fun and I just

didn't care because I said at this point, who cares, I sent them back and asked home.

Have fun with that.

Have fun.

That's exactly the emoji that Trump sent to the Elytola community after the talks disappeared.

He just sent an open asshole.

Open asshole.

So the Iran Contra scandal was another one of the things that went down.

Yeah.

Tell me about the Iran Contra scandal.

Iran Contra scandal was interesting.

I think we're going back to 1985.

So I was one year old.

You were a one year old little boy.

I was a little boy, but I was already fighting for the United States.

You were already fighting for the United States.

I was getting the tingle for Dolly Parton.

Yeah.

So this was a secret back door arrangement that was set up.

Sounds scary.

Supposedly without Reagan's knowledge, he didn't know all the deep, but we think he did.

I mean, most historians say obviously he did.

Sure.

The Iranians had hostages.

They took hostages.

You were them were high profile hostages.

In 1979.

They took hostages.

1985.

Oh, they, okay, this is not the seminar.

Okay.

Sorry.

Go ahead.

Yeah.

So they have hostages.

Okay.

And a few of them were high profile.

Okay.

So they started doing back channel negotiations with Iran saying, we will, we will.

With the Elytola.

Right?

With the Elytola.

Yeah.

We'll send you, we'll sell you some weapons.

Okay.

We'll say some weapons at a good price.

Yeah.

And you'll get those weapons in exchange for the hostages.

Okay.

So, which is interesting because wouldn't they just use the weapons against us?

Exactly.

Right.

So, you know, this is what makes the world so weird, but we, we wanted to get the hostages

back, but you, you never wanted to negotiate with terrorists or kidnappers or whatever

you want to call it and let the people know that you're giving into them, right?

Because it sets a bad precedent, you know, because then other terrorists, the groups will

kidnap more people.

That's why they say you never can give into the demands or also just encourage others

to do it.

Sure.

Right?

So, we didn't want to look bad.

So, it was all back channel.

And of course, this was highly unconstitutional.

This is without Congress's knowledge.

The executive branch goes, how, we're going to sell you some weapons you want.

That'll probably end up killing us.

Sure.

But you'll give us our assages back and you'll get the weapons.

And then we took the money from those weapons and we funded the Contras.

And Nicaragua, who were fighting the Sandinistas and the Contras were people who were a group

that would not say something like the oil belongs to the people of the country.

Okay.

Those are always the groups.

If you're in that group, it's, you're safe from the United States.

Right.

If you're in a group that says the oil belongs to the highest bidder or for the best

deal, you'll be safe from the United States.

So the, so, so the money that Iran gave them, no, wait, wait, you're saying Iran gave

up, did Iran give us the hostages back?

Iran gave us the hostages and some money and some money.

We took that money and secretly took the profits from that money and funneled it and it

was all coordinated by a guy named Oliver North, okay, who got off on some technicalities

eventually.

Now, should be in prison, but for some reason, like, ah, something went wrong and now he's

on Fox.

Right.

Yeah.

He was the head of the NRA for a second.

Because Reagan knew about all this and Reagan, Greenlight at all.

Reagan insulated himself from it.

I don't know.

I didn't know who's going on.

But the truth is, is many, he's just eating jelly beans, but what's many people believe

he knew?

Of course he knew.

Right.

Of course he knew.

Right.

He's out.

He's out.

He's out.

Right.

So, um, so the key figures obviously were, uh, Casper Weinberger, um, who I can guess.

Yeah.

What, where he's from?

I guess why I can guess Caspar Weinberger.

Yeah.

It's probably, I would say, what I would say about him is with the last name like that,

he's not welcome in Iran.

Yeah.

I'm right.

That will just say about people now.

You know, welcome in Iran.

Not welcome in Iran.

Yeah.

I'm sure, uh, I'm sure, um, what's your name, um, Rosebud Bakers dad is somewhere around

here too.

Yeah.

James Baker.

Yeah.

Sure.

He was somewhere around here.

Um, Jon Point Dexter, Oliver North, Ronald Reagan, Casper Weinberger, those are your

key figures, um, that, uh, were in it.

Casper Weinberger, Weinberger was a secretary of defense who, uh, opposed the arm sales,

but was later indicted for perjury.

So he was doing a little pretending, Jon Point Dexter was the national security advisor,

who approved, uh, Oliver North's plan.

And he had to resign when the scandal, but now scandal broke because some Lebanese, uh,

journalists broke the store because they shot down a cargo plane.

Yeah.

In Nicaragua.

Yeah.

Um, is that what happened?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And yeah, you're right.

After a cargo plane carrying supplies to the contras was shot down in Nicaragua.

Somebody said, wait, what's going on here?

Right.

And, uh, like I said, the Oliver North and Jon Point Dexter, uh, were let free because there

was some appeal, you know, basically power, let power off.

And then basically, because it was over bullshit and they just didn't put them in prison

when they should have been in prison.

And then, and then they just, you know, everybody got pardoned just like the Epstein's, yeah.

George Bush pardoned everybody and it just all went away.

Yep.

And, uh, that's all that, that's all that, that happened from there.

Yeah.

But, um, but the, but this is again, involving Iran, there's always a little bit of drama

with Iran.

It's been drama with, there's always a little bit of a drama with Iran.

It's a little bit like the state of Minnesota's always just a little bit of drama.

There's a lately.

It's just a little bit of drama.

There's certain places have certain drama.

Now, if you're, if your place has oil, mm hmm, you're either going to be friends with

us.

Yeah.

Or there's going to be drama.

It's all you need to know.

That's what it is.

It's all you need to know.

And I know there's a lot of people who go, no blood for oil.

I know there's a lot of people who go like, we shouldn't do that.

I didn't.

But then they're walking in sneakers.

They got tons on their car.

They're eating out of plastic bags.

It's like, I understand the morality of all this, but at the end of the day, everyone

needs oil.

All you got to do is watch landman to understand.

Yeah.

We just need a little oil billy-bottom and the, the, the, the, the, the, and this administration

is unlike any other administration.

I will say this.

Yeah.

And that they just fucking say it and they just say it, which is interesting and make

absolutely no mistake.

The daughter from landman who's Glenn Powell's alleged girlfriend looks a lot like the

only fans model who were now sponsored on this podcast because how funny has it been

when you listen to this administration, they go, so what have we got?

They go, what have we got out of this as well, a thing they go, we're controlling their

fucking oil.

We jacked their oil.

Right.

Like, they're just saying it.

They're just like other administrations with dance around it.

Right.

This is an enemy of America and they're trying to, right.

They're trying to take our freedoms or you need to shop in order to stay away from terror.

This administration goes, look, we're stealing their oil.

Yeah.

We're going to go in and we're going to steal their oil and that's going to be good for

our country.

It's a little bit.

I know that it's going to lead to World War III.

We're all going to get nuked.

But I do have iodine and a third day supply of fettuccine alfredo and gas mass for me and

my family.

So I do have all those things ready to go on my basement.

However, I got to be honest, it is a little refreshing to just hear an administration

go, yeah, this is what we're doing because when you tell the truth, what can you say?

You can't go because the whole point is like, I know they're lying.

I know it's about oil and because other politicians would dance around it.

But now what are you going to say?

You can just call them a scumbag and they go, yeah, I know.

And they go, so are you.

You need it.

We're all scumbags.

Yeah.

This is how empires are built.

We can heal the resources.

Yeah.

It's what it is.

So in conclusion, the Contras didn't win the Sandinistas won and it was all for nothing

but we did get the hostages back and we still got beef with Iran and now it's fucking

on.

And in conclusion, as we've been saying time and time again, every five minutes, we reiterate

the same thing.

What we care about here in this podcast, what we care about here in this country is that

to make sure that the babes of Iran, who there are millions of them, that they are safe

and we welcome the violence to stop.

We welcome them into our borders and if they want to stay in Iran, we welcome whatever

they'd like to do.

And if you have to make money, honey, then you make money and absolutely I will join your

only fans.

And I will use the company card.

It's what we call a little bit of a loophole.

It's called a loophole.

I don't know how you say that in Farsi.

Yeah.

But it's a loophole.

So go to patreon.com slash history, hi heinus, we're going to have those text messages

up there.

We're going to have an ad free episode and of course, we read out the newest members of

the Maytriarchy at the end of every episode on YouTube, which comes out every Thursday

at 3 p.m.

And the patreon episodes come out two days before every Tuesday.

So join the Maytriarchy, funniest name wins.

We give you a prize at the end.

Okay.

Maytriarchy, John Baller, then we got they call me rattlesnake because I put coins up

my ass.

Put them on the list.

On the list.

Okay.

Then we got Steve Harvey Oswald.

Put them on the list.

Wow.

There you go.

That's what you call it.

You know what that is?

Yeah.

That's what you call the Los Angeles Dodgers.

Yeah.

Back to back.

Back to back.

Back to back.

Then we got half Italian half Japanese A.K.A.

Goynip.

Glad for you.

Drexler.

Drexler.

You know what?

That's a chicken finger.

Really solid, really good.

But unfortunately the two before you.

Yeah.

Then we got our contenders.

Then we got pseudo-pean, but my chimneys clean.

Okay.

Wait a second.

That's one of those things that hit that's hitting the net and I don't know which side

it's dropping on.

Right.

So I just need to see what side the ball drops on.

Put it on the list.

Put on the list.

Put on the other side.

Yeah.

And there's an apology from the other tennis player.

Sudo-pean, my chimneys clean.

That's right.

Chimneys, the ass.

I'll remember that.

No blue chew.

Just can't get hard unless you suck my dick, babe.

Drexler.

No more breakups or it's sleeping with the Leroy's, queer eye for American black guys.

You know?

Drexler.

That's what he's got.

Fuck.

Fuck.

We're coming out strong.

Brendan Truesdale, Tam, then we got Frisbee girl, put my meat in one hole and my milk

in the other.

Okay.

Brandon.

Where are we missing something there?

Put my meat in one hole.

Frisbee girl.

Frisbee girl.

I put my meat in one hole and my milk in the other.

It's a kosher I guess.

Ah.

So it's a good joke.

Okay.

Drexler.

Yeah.

Very good joke, actually.

Brandon Rossi, then we got cock, always ready, like Rocco Sofretti.

Rocco Sofretti is a kid who likes to fuck.

Yeah.

Olivia D. Novelis, micro went soft, Kyle Reznik, Scotty Blue Eyes, Thunder Thighs, Father

Bill makes me cry, call me Yani Mamdani because I'm seizing those foot stockings.

Drexler.

Welcome to Rezzi, Eddantez, Father Bill, Jamaica Taylor.

I pump to Trump's diaper dumps.

Brooks Artvizen, need for peen too, Tokyo dribble, Big Black Hawk, Joseph Goebbels, the

crust.

Jesus.

What is on she ain't walked in one clean my chimney.

Now it's Miss Finkter, Swiffer to you.

My ma is my guma.

That's gross.

Jesus Christ.

You know, it could be heartwarming too.

You know what I mean?

Like married guy.

Right.

And his other loves his mom.

His mom, it's fine.

This could be the tiny kid who loves his mom.

My mom.

Oh, sorry.

Aussie kid.

So we got the Australian kids in here.

Chimney sweet me off my feet right between the ass cheeks.

It must have been after that episode.

Right.

Isaac Sarahalzag, eyes glued shut.

Lest.

Lest.

Quick contender.

Chicken finger.

Yeah.

Wow.

Yeah, you like that.

I like it big.

Yeah.

Um, scaha dot ding and turn my eel into steel.

Melania's secret service, aka the man Dingo Jigalos.

She orders when Trump's out golfing that's there's no question she's not banging the

help.

It's just what it is.

Right.

It's just no question.

Cash Patel is the only one who can look Yani directly in the hot put him on the list.

Yeah.

Put him straight on the list.

Contender.

Yeah.

Cause his eyes are very close together.

Yeah.

Well, he's cross side.

He's cross side.

Yeah.

He's looking in that way.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So the visual is very fun.

Yeah.

He's the only one who can.

His eyes are going there.

Very funny.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This is a contender.

Yeah.

Tesla low squeeze.

We got to grease the catapult because we got a few.

Get a few.

Leon Mucks.

I named my rice cooker a little boy.

Okay.

Glad 14.

I don't get it.

Like the rice cooker that he has he named it little boy.

Oh.

Right.

Yeah.

It's walked in one.

Yeah.

Jazz is bike seat.

Okay.

Can't disparage the family.

Um.

Uh.

Not all right.

Not all right.

Not all right.

God.

God dang Bobby.

JC.

God dang Bobby.

Yeah.

Uh.

That was good.

Jesse.

Yeah.

We're going to chicken figure.

Jesse.

Jesse.

Yeah.

We're going to have the

bucks.

Yeah.

We're going to have the

confused robot.

Dave D.

Des.

The Roops.

Lincoln mustard gas.

It's all quiet on the front the lobe.

Okay.

There he is.

All quiet on the front.

I thought it was a ten.

We got this.

This is a bet.

This is.

Yeah.

Dude, people would say last week's was a banger.

Like a lot of a lot of the patreon members were gone.

Islamabad. Yes, I'd say so.

Yeah, yeah, Pakistan. Yeah, no, yeah, Islamabad is the capital of Pakistan, right? Yeah.

Yeah, we're going to walk into that. It's very funny. Yeah.

Chrissy can't stop eating. True. Spencer Coppick, meaty strombone,

Lazarus, bury me and Sid Sweeney's Queef Chapel. It's what it is.

I mean, calling it a Queef Chapel. These people are so fucking funny. Yeah.

My foot looks like Chrissy's head because I got gout.

He's got swollen feet. Yeah. Sweep it, babe. It won't get hard unless you sweep my chimney, babe.

Draxler. Draxler. Mike, come back. I have to sign up for this again.

Martin Luther. Oh, shit. Okay, last one. Yeah. Okay, walked into one.

History of Hain is back, babe. Can you suck my dick, babe?

Montana Lee retarded. Kamal Kasi. Kamala Kasi.

Motah. Chris House needs to get struck by Jewish lightning.

Martin Coppick insurance. Yeah. Asian, Mozilla, Alex Thornton, Martin Coppick, Asian in the South

desert. Ray Song she ain't. I mean, yeah. Ray since okay. Racist and creative.

That's what happens when you get out of the walk, didn't one less. Your racist,

you can grow in the bed, but creative. Yeah.

Tian, then we got Chrissy D. The boy opposite the boy in the Stripe pajamas.

Abby Kadabi. Draxler ate my chicken fingers.

Vincenzo, the Libroid destroyer, Puglisi. Okay, kids, that's a walked into one.

Unfortunately, worse Super Ball for a Drake since the last one. Okay, so this is a couple of

weeks old. Yeah. I know where John Binet Ramsey is and I'm not telling.

I must he stole my heart and fucked it. Kasi Senate. Ding camera is useless at night,

makes everyone look white. Okay. Latvian racist.

Joel MacArthur. Ding camera. Yeah, like the ring camera. Yep.

What it is is your racist and morally wrong, but you're very creative. Racist and creative.

Saudos Alaraza, Italian Jewish kid, Nino the Ninos, Skyline 247, Steve Helm, Jeremy R,

Horatio, Master of Selfalatio, Yani Tux, so Chrissy can cook,

Cam, Alex Barclay, Chrissy Daddy issues, Joshua Williams. Tucked away in a gym corner,

nick the stick, sits in the chase shirt, towel on head, silently tracking the reps of strangers.

Okay. Okay. You're more of a poet. Yeah. Joe Liegroh, this vitamin water tastes like shit.

Can all school one. Oh, right, because I might as shit in the vitamin water. Yeah.

You're not disturbed. I was disturbed. You're a tilted bird. Yeah, that was, that was like

2002, 2003 because you got a dusty chimney. Yeah. Yeah. I went to Catholic school,

disguised as Santa Claus, so I could chimney sweep sister Meredith. Okay. Okay. Married my

muzzle, Cuzzy for her fuzzy muzzle for her fuzzy wasy. Sorry. Kimberly Kitty, Zachary Reed,

Cash Patel's, Mossad Handler. Very funny. Make no finger. Make no mistake. Noah,

Kaniga is real. Okay, they got you. But nobody that's a real guy. Noah, K and I, GGA. That's

a real, I think it's a basketball player. Uh, what's his name? Noah, Kaniga. That's his name.

That's just good. I'm telling you. It's a real guy. So, so he, he outsmarted the walk into one.

Yeah. Yeah. This guy K and, uh, no, K, K, N, K, N, K, N, I, GGA, K, N, K, N, I, G, G, A.

This is a real player. Look. Well, I'm going to call him, see, Noah, Noah, he's a football player,

Noah, uh, person of color. Yeah. Yep. Right? Isn't that real? No, Kaniga. That's a tough one.

Coolio Hyena. If I feel lonely, I go to my local bowling place to finger some tight holes.

Okay. Put them on the list. Yeah. Nick wrote that one. Yeah. Put them on the list.

Call me a Montichigger the way I'm bug chasing. Okay.

Ways on. Shia. Taco man, Louise. AOC. Please slam my nuts in the door. You sexy whore.

Sorry. Drexler for the funny. Galaine found Jeff the best VPN girls.

Carnal home solutions, underscore serving Connecticut. Okay. Screw it in. Kids got to do this.

Root in, uh, exit nine A Napstreet masturbation crew. It's a Brooklyn kid. She said, Bay Kid.

Um, turbulent chicken, Georgia, Oqueaf, Candido. So cute. I look skinny, but I'm not. Okay. Okay.

All right. So we got plenty. We got plenty. Okay. So here we go. Great list for a recap.

Okay. Shout out Noah Kaniga. Yep. They call me rattlesnake because I put coins at my ass.

Steve Harvey Oswald, pseudo-pean, but my chimney is clean. I glue eyes glued shut.

Cash Patel is the only one who can look you on the directly in the eyes.

The roof's leaking mustard gas. It's all acquired on the frontal lobe. And then we got, um,

if I feel lonely, I go to my local bowling place to finger some tight holes.

Also good one. Okay. I know. I know where we're starting. So where we starting? The first two

are getting Drexer that you read. So the rattlesnake, rattlesnake, coins at my ass and Steve Harvey Oswald

are out. Yeah. Any other day. But pseudo-pean, but my chimney is clean still in. No, we're gonna,

we're gonna Drexer that. Okay. So that's out. All right. So that's out. So now it's coming down to,

if I feel lonely, I go to my local bowling place to finger some tight holes. Yes. That's still in.

That's still in eyes glued shut. That's still in. Cash Patel is the only one who can look you on the

eyes. And that's still in. The roof's leaking mustard gas. It's all acquired on the frontal lobe.

That is such a good one. But it's got to be out if you hesitated. Yeah. Okay. So the three that

weren't between is if I feel lonely, I go to my local bowling place to finger some tight holes,

eyes glued shut, or cash Patel is the only one who can look you on the directly in the eye.

I hate to do this because it's so good, but I'm gonna Drexer the bowling ball. Right. Any other day,

you would have won. Right. This is how it works. This is what it is. You're just on the list with

two funnier ones. It's not anyone's fault. Now timing is everything. So it is between eyes glued

shut and cash Patel is the only one who can look you on the directly in the eyes. Jesse, what do you

got? What do you stand? I'm leaning towards eyes glued shut. I just like it. It's a funny visual.

I like it. It's a chicken finger. It's a chicken thing. It's a playoff. What do you think, Nick?

Yeah. Eyes glued shut. Eyes glued shut. But cash Patel. But cash Patel. Yeah. There will never be

a funnier Yanis monocle joke than that. That's where I'm leaning towards. Yeah. I was leaning towards

that too because the Yanis one eye jokes are kind of like, you know, like, you know, they're

acting on run. They're like father bill, three dollar bill jokes. But this is a great one. But

eyes glued shut has been there since 2018 for the taking and nobody took it, but this kid. Yeah.

And it's just a boom, boom, boom. Because I would vote for cash Patel. But it looks like there's

three on one here. Well, actually, so here there's two. I'm going cash Patel. You're the deciding.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It comes down to what comes. It's already too much pressure on me and my personal

life. It comes written down to really what you say. I mean, it's a tough one. It's one of those

things where there won't be a better Yanii joke than that. No. Because it's visual. He's saying,

you know, it's you got to think about it a second. Yeah. I disagree. I think we've had some great

Yanii jokes the one where the one where you save 50% on scuba gear. That's better. Yeah. That one's

better. Yeah. It's like a minion or tie between the border between Yanii's eyes. Yes. I think

we've never had anything that eyes glued shut. No. And it's and it's eyes wide. It's a movie. It's

you know, been in the news with the Epstein stuff. And it's glue. We talk about glue. It's very

specific, but cash, but tell relevant. Right. Right. Right. Right. If you know, listen, man,

sometimes I've got to make hard choice. You got to make hard. But it is because I've like I've

had to make the hard choice to sell my house. It's I just think that we're going to have to go with

eyes glued shut as the wow. It's the winner. Eyes glued shut. Another chicken finger gets in.

Go to history. Hyenas is back.com. Eyes glued shut. You are the winner. See the name up in

lights. And we're going to continue this episode and so much more stuff at patreon.com slash

history. Hyenas. Two teams. One cup. The prime time stage is set for the TGL presented by SoFi

Finals. Los Angeles Golf Club versus Tiger's Jupiter links. Keep up. It's playoffs. Tune in Monday,

March 23rd, 9 p.m. Eastern on ESPN 2 and Tuesday, March 24th, 7 p.m. Eastern on ESPN and on the ESPN app.