How To Stop Being Needy And Insecure: Cultivate "Structural Integrity" & they will chase you | Quazi Johir

0:00quasi here and in this video I want to share with you why you have to fight so hard to achieve your goals and why you keep having to chase money you keep having to chase Relationships you keep having to chase better health and why all of these things don't seem to come naturally to you We're gonna be talking about the concept of neediness and why neediness is actually repelling Everything that you want away from you and it's making things more difficult to achieve and by the end of this video You're going to learn how I got out of this state of neediness and Three keys to help you implement this right now in your life so that you no longer have to struggle and fight so hard But rather effortlessly take action and have it be your neutral These were lessons that took me a very very long time to figure out because if you look at my old videos You'll see that I was very very you know I had a different kind of energy about me and back then life was a lot more of a struggle than it is now So these were lessons that I had to cultivate through years of studying little nuances about myself getting awareness around those

1:04That helped me tweak them and make this change so I want you to stick around to the very very end of this Okay, because there's gonna be a lot of nuance points here that'll be very valuable for you So with that let's get started so in this video I want to talk to you about one of the deepest principles of life that I had to figure out over the past three four years And this is the concept of non-medianist and why neediness actually you know prevents you from Achieving your goals now. There's a huge misconception with this people feel that if you have this burning desire As long as you need it and you you know deep down in your heart you really really wanted you'll get it But needing something never made someone get it, you know There's a saying that go something along the lines of the hungry never really get fed, okay? So why that is is because when you need something you're automatically assuming that you don't already have and whatever you assume Life will start to reflect that okay, that's reality is very very moldable

2:07I talk a lot about this in the channel It's called the mirror principle whatever your attitude is you form the image with your attitude and the reflection The material external reality just reflects that image So you can click up here to check one of the videos out But I won't get much into that in this video But what I want to share with you is that we always go after our goals with the most in the most ineffective way Right, and this is the biggest reason why sometimes people achieve their goals But then never able to maintain it. I can't tell you how many customers we have in the program business owners Who've made 50 60 70 80 K a month in their businesses? But they've just gone ahead and lost it because internally they felt insecure and when they felt insecure and incomplete They found a way to self sabotage it. They never found a way to relax into whatever it is that they wanted to Relax into that life to relax into that version of themselves But there was always that underlying fear of loss and you know because they kept focusing on this fear They just started moving towards it over time and then you know eventually it caught up to them the reflection started to form

3:12Okay, so most people actually feel incomplete and chase their goals You'll notice this right Nowadays most people want this money and this freedom and they you know internally feel this anguish They're like oh, I don't like my job and I don't like this and I don't like that and Their predominant focus is on what they don't like and they come from this place of I don't like Rather than what do I want instead and assume me in creating that within them? Okay, so to give you an example in terms of money right in terms of relationship Most people are like oh, I feel really poor. So I want to make money. Oh, I'm really lonely. So I want to be in a relationship Anytime in my life I Experience things that I wanted to experience and actually kept them it wasn't from a place of scarcity or neediness To give you a very concrete example I got into a relationship with a woman of my dreams and got married to her only when I myself was in a place of abundance You know, I was in a great place

4:13I you know, I was at a very great social life and I was dating multiple girls at the time and I felt good about myself Right, I didn't feel shitty about myself. I didn't feel incomplete She resonated with that and then we were able to form a relationship It wasn't a toxic one where I felt like I needed her and I needed to get something But two people came in this harmonious thing and they brought their own Abundances and combined it and it became an awesome relationship, right? Does it mean we don't have ups and downs? No, not at all But it's just that if you want to have a healthy relationship you can't have it from a place where both people are trying to take something from it, right? The same thing with money whenever I started to chase money in my business And I saw that one month I would do 3k another month I would do 5k I'd go up to 8k and then come back down this inconsistency kept happening because I was trying to hold on to that 20k a month goal if you look back at my channel I tried so hard you know over a period of a year trying to get to my first 20k month in the business as soon as I let go of that

5:15By the way when you let go of something you actually assume that it's already happened You can only let go of something when you already live from that end of it's gonna happen It's already happened. It's in the bag When I let go of it and already assumed that it was going to happen That's when it started to happen for me within the next three months. I went from 5k to 18k to my first 20k month in the business, right? So all of these things came about in my life not because I felt needy not because I felt incomplete But because I felt good about myself and guess what happens when you feel good about yourself Your actions start to reflect that as well. So acting from a place of neediness Actually propagates and perpetuates more neediness So think about it this way when you feel needy you know you have this specific person that you put on a pedestal And you feel needy you need their attention you need them to acknowledge you you feel incomplete What do you start to do you start to double text them you start to think about them all the time if you put someone on a pedestal

6:15They have no choice but to look down upon you if you put anything on a pedestal in your life They'll have no choice but to look down upon you It'll start to control you like a puppet on a string and that's what happens, right? You fall into that frame and it starts to tug you anything happens. Oh my god. No. I need this. I need this is so important to me You start to double text you start to do crazy shit that just turns the other person off, right? The other person just get gets pushed away the same thing with you know business I saw that whenever I was very very needy for the sale I would like try to do see sleazy sales tactics. I'll study NLP and then I would try to chase people We're not excessively follow up with them and That just kept turning the prospect of more and more so this acting this this place of neediness makes you for more and more unconscious Okay, it makes you for more and more reactive Into that thing that controls you you you become more and more of a puppet to the money

7:16You become more and more of a puppet to the relationship. Do you see how that's happening? So it's never really the action that matters right because I could double text someone just out of a place of concern It's the energy behind that it's always the intention behind that if the intention behind that is I need Then they're going to feel a pull you know They're gonna feel like a like a neediness a sort of toxic energy coming from you which will naturally repel people Like think about it this way. Who do you want to hang out with? Do you want to hang out with someone who's always looking for your validation and it's always like that's right, right? Like you're proving me right or do you want to hang out with someone who has their own world who's grounded and rooted in their own lives And they actually have value to share with you and together you grow there obviously the latter right So that's basically what I realized and how I got out of that realization is what I'm going to share with you But before we get to that let's talk about why you know Why do we get into this place of neediness?

8:16Why does this even come in the first place? How can we prevent this from happening? Understanding the why is really important and what I've started to realize is that this place of neediness comes from an identification With something that's very very limited So to give you an example if something this also happens by the way when something starts going really well in your life Okay, let's say your business starts going really well. You're making money making money making money and then one week It doesn't go too well and then you start to panic. Why does that panic come about in the first place? It's the same thing that makes you insecure. It's this identification with your business When you identify with something let's draw this out When you identify with something that's very limited Anything that happens outside of it is going to make you feel insecure If you start to identify with this circle and everything within this fear of this circle Your relationships money etc anything that happens outside of it Will make you insecure but then if you

9:17Expand your sphere of identification to this Now if anything happens outside of this circle, that's okay. You accept it How you do that is when you stop identifying with your body and your mind your business your relationships And you accept that anything could happen Whatever happens you accept it when you accept something for what it is you go beyond Mind and body right think about where this place of acceptance comes from it comes from a place of neutral observance from awareness You'll know from all of the research that's being done now awareness is non-local Right awareness isn't just in the body It's actually beyond the body and the mind Because if you look at it right now There are thoughts happening and there is that which is observing and witnessing these thoughts I'm not talking about your mind. I'm not talking about your visual Like your your sensory perception of vision You can see stuff, but there is that which is observing the seeing

10:19That is beyond body and mind that is this bigger circle I've made more videos about this going deeper into this so click up here to check that out on awareness and how to control your mind The more and more your sphere of identification gets larger and larger you no longer identify because right now Whatever's happening within the boundaries of this body You're identified with but as soon as it's not as soon as it's outside here Now you're like oh, this is not me This is me. This is not me right? So your sphere of identification becomes limited to this body and to this mind So if your sphere of identification is so limited You're naturally going to want to hoard everything and just hold on to it without letting go of it But if your sphere of identification becomes the whole world Your loss doesn't even matter anymore Because someone else is gaining. There's always a balance in this whole universe Do you see what I'm trying to say? I know this can get a little bit tricky to grasp and a little woo woo But I want you to check out this video. I hope it'll help you out

11:21But this is what's helped me get out of this limited identification the more you're identified to the limited You know realm of the mind and body the more you're going to suffer. It's completely inevitable So now let's get to the three solutions that have helped me come from that place of scarcity and You know see my business go from that inconsistent five-care month to consistently doing 100 to 150 care month Okay, but not even that also getting out of this place of neediness and scarcity for relationships and just getting into a more grounded rooted place of my own where things are more effortless now I can relax into them now All right, so key number one is you've always got to live from the end. Okay What do I mean by that? So you people ask me how do you cultivate this this certainty? How do you cultivate faith when you start to get very very clear? You don't need confidence

12:21You don't need certainty or you need his clarity So when you're at the end when you've achieved whatever you wanted to achieve what does life look like You live with the assumption that that is going to happen No matter what it's going to happen no matter what you're seeing right now You just ignore it you accept it But you always keep in mind every single day whether this be through visualization whether this be through You know inspirational stories that you see Even those start to become limited because they become limited to the mind you start to accept what is and you look at what it is you want Okay, live from the end live with the assumption that the end is going to happen And when you have that assumption you start to resonate at the frequency of that lifeline Okay, when you live from that state Everything starts to align your actions start to align your things that you attract into your life start to align But you yourself need to be at that state do you understand?

13:25This is you embodying that version of you that would be experiencing that life Through your feelings through your thoughts mind and heart When the mind and heart are aligned you assume this new identity So live with the assumption every single day. How do you live with this assumption? Well Look at how you make decisions if you were your ideal self How would you make this decision if you were your ideal self? How would you feel if you were your ideal self? How would you carry yourself? What's the best way you can embody that self right now that will start to reflect that ideal self in this current reality And then that'll catch up. We do this in a very very detailed manner in the reality marshy program Okay That's number one. Number two This is a concept I like to call structural integrity Okay structural integrity What do I mean by that? You'll see that most people who are needy and have a low sense of self-worth

14:28Don't have structural integrity. They don't have their own principles that they live by Why because they're not clear about what it is they want let alone who does they need to become to achieve that So they start to fall into other people's frames Other people's agendas and they get spread out into all these different directions This is also why a lot of business owners are insecure about the strategies they try So they keep trying shiny object after shiny object And it's really easy to fall into that when you're not clear about what you want to create If as soon as you get very very clear naturally the conviction comes naturally the self-worth arises How can you craft structural integrity? So the best way to create this structural integrity is to first of all get clear about what it is you want Who does you need to become? But number two do things that are oriented towards you doubling doubling down on yourself You'll find that you have a lot of structural integrity if you start to say no more than you say yes

15:29You start to become a no-man rather than a yes-man a lot of people might ask you to hang out you say no not because You don't want to hang out but in favor of you doing things that are more important So you'll see a lot of business owners don't say no more than they say yes because they don't want to get distracted Because they're clear about what their goals are and they won't get distracted with shiny objects and new business opportunities Because they're clear about where they want to go and in the short term it may seem like you're losing out on a few extra bucks But in the longer run you know what you're creating is going to be much more valuable and when you assume that that's exactly what happens Okay Structural integrity double down on yourself go to the gym take care of yourself Eat healthy do things for yourself When you start to do things for yourself you're subconscious Get's convinced that wait a second. This is valuable this entities time is valuable this entities Thoughts are valuable Then you start to cultivate this self-worth and when you start to cultivate this self-worth

16:33You become less and less needy because you start to feel more and more grounded and rooted within yourself Number three Don't ever act from a place of neediness Never act from a place of fear a place of neediness Don't act Seriously, just try not to act at all The best thing to do is not to act at all but to do one or two very very impactful things and just be most of the time most people optimize for acting and doing Or they optimize for having and taking You'll see very very successful people They optimize for being They'll do very few things they don't jump at the next thing But they're very very they move very slow And it looks like they're moving slow But they're actually moving very fast the actions the few actions that they take become very very impactful

17:40So when you're in a state of neediness and you feel needy instead of acting Instead of letting that desire move you into action allow it to dissolve within awareness How do you do that? Well Look at how you feel right now if you feel anxious Naturally this anxiety is going to drive you somewhere Understand that this acting is a place of escape from beingness When you act from a place of anxiety you're distracting yourself You're distracting yourself from the anxiety with action Do you see how that's happening? You feel anxious you look oh my god, I gotta let me do let me just watch TV and preoccupy my preoccupy myself Let me just distract the mind You're distracting yourself. You're escaping Oh, let me just go take a vacation. Let me just take the day off and do this and do that Instead of turning your attention inwards and letting it dissolve You turn your attention outwards and run away from it You see what I mean

18:41So this is what takes me to that concept of awareness Identifying with a larger circle the more and more you start to observe and watch So next time you feel anxious you feel needy you feel fearful You don't know what's coming up. You're uncertain about the future Let that be Watch yourself watching the anxiety First begin with the fear Right you begin with this feeling of fear and you watch that then you start to watch The watching of that fear and you completely accept that without trying to change it When you feel lazy allow yourself to watch the laziness then that very awareness will correct that laziness I recently learned this this concept from a sage named Krishna Muthi Just allow yourself to completely observe and stay with it Without running away from it in action without running away from it by changing the channel of that thought

19:46Because the more you try to run away from it the more it's going to catch up to you later on in life Okay, and with that I conclude this video Thank you so much for watching it sincerely hope to see yourself for let's do a quick recap of what we talked about Today we talked about how to get out of that place of low self-worth Low self-esteem double down on yourself and not be needy but attract things into your life naturally Things will naturally come into your life if you stop insisting and stop forcing it But you come from a place of power you become great you form the image correctly And you just hold the image you just hold the attitude You just hold the state of being the doing will naturally follow From that awareness the doing will arise and from the doing the having will follow That's what will happen So most you incomplete first they're in the state of being of I'm incomplete I'm not good enough Let's go and collect those things to help you feel good enough and one of two things happens They don't either get the thing or if they do they quickly lose it

20:47For example like I mentioned to you business owners who are really inconsistent in their revenues They feel incomplete they're like oh I'm not good enough for this Then their actions start to reflect that even if they do make the money they find a way to lose it Acting from neediness propagates and perpetuates more neediness You act from a place of neediness you start to double text turn that partner off it makes you more needy You excessively follow up with prospects who are not interested in your service instead of just letting them go In favor of better ones better fit clients It makes you even more needy to get clients makes you even more frustrated for clients Can't tell you how many times I see that how many times I've gone through that And we talked about why this happens you're identifying with this smallest fear rather than this largest fear of awareness And the three solutions we talked about are number one living from the end The assumption that the end is already complete

21:49You live with the very assumption from that place of being who you would be at that ultimate destination And try your best to bring it into now If I achieved everything that I wanted to achieve what would my life look like who would I be How would I carry myself How would I speak with people how would I dress what does every single aspect of that look like That's in your direct influence the results aren't in your direct influence They're an indirect consequence of of a lot of things But in your direct control is how you how this identity and the image is presented Number two having structural integrity is the key to getting out of neediness Doubling down on yourself doing things that serve you working on yourself eating healthy sleeping well taking care of yourself respecting yourself Saying no more than you say yes Investing in yourself A lot of people don't do that. They don't invest in themselves. They invest in by expensive gifts and you know

22:55Materials books and stuff for other people, but for themselves they hesitate to do that Do that for yourself And you'll start to perceive yourself to be more valuable Number three Try not to act from a place of neediness because remember it's the intention that matters Not the action itself The action itself is an expression of the intention if the intention behind your action is I need Then the action will bring in more of that state of I need and will keep you stuck here The only way to break out of it is to change internally your intention I don't need This would be a bonus. I'm already complete Whenever you do feel needy don't try to resist it don't run away from it That'd be Watch it With that I conclude this video. Thank you so much for watching. It sincerely hope this was helpful If you're new to the channel make sure you like comments subscribe and hit that little bell there

23:55So you notified of any new video that I put out. Leave me a comment too And let me know what you thought of this video if you want me to make more like this If you liked the whiteboard video or the videos outside And yeah, just let me know in the comments I'm also super excited to announce that you can work with us in the reality mastery program and Spots for the console are open So if you click on the link in the description below You'll be able to schedule your free call with us to see for a good fit to work together Who we typically work with are people who are entrepreneurs who want to scale up their revenue their businesses And be more consistent in their revenues and they find that they always keep hitting some invisible barrier And they don't quite know what the barrier is but they know that it's not a strategic strategic or tactical or some external You know Problem but rather it's an internal one They're not seeing something they keep Going through the same pattern over and over So if that sounds like you click on the link in the description below to sign up I'm looking forward to speaking with you someone from my team will speak with you and also the link for the Facebook group is in the description

24:56It's only for entrepreneurs and professionals fill up their three questions serve it and we'll get you approved in there. Thank you so much watching till next time peace