I Used To Do Heroin At Work Now I'm 10 Years Sober w/ Adam Wittbrodt | The Hopeaholics Podcast #359

0:00I'm like con and doctors love. I get a prescription for bike it in. I can do hair one Because you dropped dirty for the same thing. So I'm going in you know, may reporting with long sleeves on and My PO is like you conned your way out of boot camp Which I didn't I had X-rays to prove it and she's like you conned your way out of boot camp And I'm gonna send you to prison the moment you slip up Welcome back to the Hobo Holly podcast. I'm your girl Natalie even Marie and I'm Chad Carlson and you're listening to the number one Addiction and mental health podcast and you guys if you are a level one is struggling make sure you head to ask even Marie calm or Chadic calm and chat with one of our AI companions 24-7 or checks the number right here on the screen together We are breaking the stigma around addiction and mental health and fighting the fentanyl epidemic now Let's get into that so Look it I started it on time Adam welcome to the Hobo Holly podcast. Thank you. Thank you for having me all the way from Michigan

1:06Michigan middle of Michigan. Are you a Michigander? I'm a Michigander for an erase. Yep. Do you say um A no, but funny story. I learned how Canada was spelled from a Canadian how? C-A-A-D-A You got dad jokes Do you say um don't you know I don't I do call Pop you guys call no What do we call it so do we call it pop and I mean we literally just call it like Coke Yeah, you guys call it pop out there. Mm-hmm. I like People I think from Michigan are though are way nicer maybe not Detroit, but like you know nicer than LA people Yeah, I Confirm that yeah for sure

2:09Met a whole lot of people out here so I can't confirm but I know there's there's really good people in Michigan There's some assholes too, so it's Yeah, people are people Doesn't matter where you live besides us, but brought you out here Well, I use this as an excuse for a vacation heck yeah, I've never seen the Pacific. Oh, wow Up until I was 40 so I'm 41 now last May was my first time ever flying We went to my wife and I went to Florida for her sisters wedding and then my second time flying We went back to Florida. That's like a two hour two and a half hour flight This was my longest flight ever Like ever yeah, ever it's my third time in the year Traveling so and part of that's because when you're When you're getting high you don't really worry about vacations. You just worry about the next high I mean vacations are scary when you're getting high because then you're like

3:12Do I have do I have enough and you never do right like I know one time I I left to go I thought I was gonna start a new life up in Wyoming and you know I had I had some some shit and I had it up to Wyoming and I got there and by the time I got there I was out Then you're sick and yeah, yeah, and then I you know I it took me like three days to find the most bunk shit that they had up there and I fucking drove 17 hours straight home off of that bunk stuff just to get back to where I was living ended the vacation early then It was it was like this was supposed to be like a start a new life with my body that moved up there and you cancelled that Yeah, I didn't venture out like Say I went pretty low man and it was flying was never on my radar so The furthest I've been west and I'd have to look at a map to really look at it and see but I think it was

4:15Muskegon Michigan Before coming out here. So it was got been to Knoxville. I've been to Fort Wayne, Indiana I'm just getting the travel bug now in my 40s. So I'm like you know what this is a great excuse to go see the Pacific and You know, yeah do some traveling sightseeing How long have you been married? We got married in 2018 funny story so in the In the program. There's this suggestion two years right no relationships for two years I had people telling me this and I'm like I'm doing everything I can't I want to do above and beyond What is suggested because I'm sick? I'm tired of this life, you know, so I'm all in I'm like I'm gonna wait two years So two years was June 22nd 2018 I met my wife June 23rd 2018 Wow, wait, so you didn't even meet her so you didn't even like get tempted?

5:17No Met her and then we it's funny my steps on say they the day they got me like I was a pet You know, right do we joke about it and I kind of just like we start dating and moved in like a bag at a time And then it was July 8th 2022 we got married. Oh nice So well, I didn't expect that I thought you were gonna set us up or set us up for like I was told you know not to date me one for two years and then my first 30 days and that my wife Yeah, no, no, I did really really good and So that's one of the things I see with people in earlier recovery. There's like substitutions right yeah, of course and a lot of people substitute with relationship Yeah, okay, yeah, I was from that and it's like I was not doing that and Smart out out here in California. We only have a one-year rule. Yeah, and they Like you don't know go to Michigan

6:20Be grateful right that's crazy. I was thinking the same thing like damn two years ours is our suggestion is one Yeah, well, I really helped me build a foundation first. Yeah, of course I had to rebuild like who am I held for you when you Got sober 31 okay, so you've been sober 10 years yeah, just over 10 just over June 22nd this year was 10 nice 10th my number I Got nine June 9th June 9 June yeah, June good month to get sober every month is right. Yeah Did you were you born and raised in Midland? Mm-hmm There's not a lot of people I heard over here. I just want to real quick. I heard you guys say there's not a lot of people there So I live in Wademan, Michigan. Oh, you live in Wade which is like so Mount Pleasant's West of Midland and Wademan's just a little bit west of that so it's like 983 people or something some really small Midland is a little bit bigger

7:24You guys are familiar with Dow. Yeah, the company. That's like where Dow started so I I'm not gonna say something Was that what you wanted that I was just wanted to know how many people were there. I think Midland County is like 80,000 or something I may be wrong maybe which is actually nothing because you can fill a stadium with that many people So if you like think about that that's wild you can literally feel like or fill the so-fi stadium with the population of Midland So yeah, so-fi mm-hmm. Yeah Yeah, so Midland Typical Michigan or here is like right here Okay, where's Detroit Detroit's like down here and then so for Midland Wade men's like over here right in the middle. Did you have siblings growing up? Yeah, my sister she is older than me Half years nice. Yeah

8:24How was growing up for you like what take us through what that looked like so I Was always like this outgoing kid I would talk to strangers in the grocery store You know, I never my grandma. He said he doesn't even know a stranger and So my parents we were we were poor grew up and subsidized housing and My dad had no call problem and Among other things, but I seen the effects of the alcohol a lot when I was younger So as I was growing up it was I Highlight their divorce when I was like 11 because that's where when I got the shovel out and dug through my past to see like why am I using that was the first kind of initial Running with abandonment that I had like I felt I felt like my dad just Was like I don't care about my kids. I'm gone

9:28My 12th birthday he called he was supposed to pick me up to go bowling He called said I'm not gonna make it. I'm actually moving, but I'll be in touch I'm like, okay So I was like crushed, you know, I'm gonna go bowling with my dad I was all excited and then he canceled and I didn't even hear from him until he was until I was 16 And he was living in Knoxville, Tennessee so throughout this time You know it was no one he called I'm like Fuck you. You think you can just leave and come back into my life whenever you want So hung up the phone didn't didn't communicate with them. I got to see him once My mom was like, yeah, you should go see your dad. She encouraged me and bought a grayhound ticket for me to ride down I was 17 wrote down to Knoxville State a week with him um

10:28And then that was last time I seen him because it was November 8th of 2003 Right after I graduated high school already died. Hmm which When I when I look back it's it's always been what's caused me to use in the beginning or relapse after periods abstinence were like That loss of loved ones could be relationships. It could be death of people But those types of situations are where I'm really I'm really vulnerable to relapse because I I you know our community is Whole in the United States men are told We need to be strong. We don't feel emotion Right, you know, and I felt I had this self-imposed burden on myself that I need to be strong for my family when my dad died when my grandparents died And I didn't I just packed all that hurt and sadness down inside and

11:31When got high because that made it I made it go away Um, was it equal like easy to access at the time because in 2003 when your dad passed held for you And were you already doubling in drugs and alcohol when he passed? Yeah, so I was 18 when he passed and then kind of the progression with The drugs and alcohol it wasn't like I think I'm a I was Ivy heroin user I didn't go right from nothing to that right It's a series of compromises to boundaries. So the first thing was like 13 I'm stealing my parents cigarette butt, you know You know to get that feeling and I'm like try and alcohol try and weed and There wasn't the awareness around how an addiction can develop or if you have my grandpa was an alcoholic my dad was a Hulk and if there's if it's in your genes, I think it's like 60% more prone to it if your father

12:34Had some sort of substance use disorder I could be wrong on the number there, but So my grandpa my dad were both alcoholics and I start Just it was recreational use experimenting I get to Because I was a baseball player Played varsity as a sophomore. I was pretty good undersized, but I was pretty good and then I ended up injuring my neck and the doctor gave me a prescription for volume and Vikaten Races so this was my first taste of opiates and this is in high school. Yeah, okay. I was 14 and I was freshman first prescription my mom had it was distributing it Wait, can we actually take a moment and realize like how severe that really is if you really think about it Especially now a 14 year old whose brains are not nearly even on the realm of being fully developed because they're not developed to like We're 25 and a doctor is going to go ahead and prescribe the

13:36NARLEAST most addictive Medication to a kid. I just think that's kind of mind boggling if you really think about it, you know Well, that was so when I was 14 that would have been 99 so prescription practices were a little bit different than and then they are now and I I was like First one I took, you know like who feels awesome and I was going to my mom the prescription was really really like wide so you could take one to two every four to six hours So as an addict I didn't even I wasn't even an addict, right, but I'm like Going to my mom at like three hours Is it time for my next dose she's like no Adam you got to wait another hour at least so I'd wait and you know It didn't develop into a full blown addiction from that it was more like a few years later When I started

14:37Twisted thinking but I thought you know what my dad partied and he's He doesn't talk to me, but maybe if I do some of the same things he does he did Maybe I'll understand him and I'll have a connection with him. So I went to I went to my peers for that I guess that that support that connection I thought That I should have had with my dad I went to them and it was like hey, have you ever done these? It was like it and I was like yeah actually had a prescription and they're like you want some? Like yeah, sure. I'll try it. They give me three and I take one and they're like no, no, no take them all Take all three and I was like okay And then it got to a point with those where I was taking like I mean I'd break them in half and I'd have a palm full of them like and I didn't even consider the amount of Tylenol

15:38I was putting into my system. I would just eat like ten of them like they're skittles and then they stopped really getting it for me so Friend of mine his girlfriend her mom had a prescription for oxycat So she would take some all the women They're like these are so much better than vikin and let's let's do these and we'd you know crush them up get the coating off crush them up snore them and then I Didn't really get into the ivy's right away. It was just snort them. I'm like I'm never gonna be an iv user. I'm not gonna do that Well, it took my dad dying I blew through his life insurance money like it wasn't a lot of money But I blew through like ten grand in a month and I was you know that and then that was gone and my my X is like you need to figure this out or were done well

16:39That actually did happen we split because I had I went like oh, I'm clean. I'm just drinking You know how that goes and so I it was to the point where she's like just you can only have one So I bring a bottle of whiskey. Well, it's just one She says just beer so then instead of getting so just a six pack instead of getting the 12 rolls I'd get a 16 ounce pack and also it's eight. So I would always find these workarounds, you know You know that's how it works around yeah, we're Us addicts and I say this the people in recovery We're very creative to get our high. Yeah, those are character traits not just Part of when we were using so I try and communicate that to people in recovery early like These are character traits. You still possess that creativity that work ethic that all all of those traits are part of you Not part of the addiction. So just when you lack focus where do you put them towards right?

17:46but after my X and I split I went into my cousin he was using and we kind of got into I've used together and You know after that it was It took my soul I say because I went I went from I'm never breaking like breaking the law to me was a speeding ticket and I got on IV oxy cotton and it was You know that that feeling when you wake up and you don't have any and you start you start getting those withdrawal as you start shaking the cold sweats and it's just like You get back into a corner. He feel desperate and That was my first time I got in trouble with the law. I actually took my own checks and this this is just how I'll add the addiction was I didn't even care if I got caught it was like a kamikaze pilot just like So I went and wrote my checks out till like gas stations

18:51for Cash words scratch off tickets and I'd go I learned you could just scratch the bottom and see if they're winners so I'd go through that and I'd get money for drugs so that that little my little crime spread didn't last very long I ended up getting charged with no account check two counts even though I wrote I mean I wrote them to lifelong friends You know where I was like hey, I got this I Got paid today for my job, but I don't have my ATM card and the grocery store won't take Won't take my check so can you cash this check in your ATM for me and give me the cash and there's thinking I'm just you know hungry and This is like lifelong friends. I did this too which some have I've reconnected made amends with and but That was part of that crime spree and that was that was

19:52Directly related to first I've used so from there. I did my first 90 days in jail and I was like I'm never doing that. I'm not coming back At that time it was 2006 so I was 21 okay and Like I'm never coming back. I wasn't Claire Collinian a 60 man pod with their federal inmates and you know I'm I'm young at the time so it was a scary experience and then you kind of get callous to that towards the end of my stay I'm like It's over I'm done so And then it was every time like that started my cycle of like Use legal issue incarceration probation with Trying to manipulate the system like whatever I could get away with with drug tests and all that I would use and

20:54Then I'd get in trouble again. So is this just this constant cycle that went on until 2016 the second time my ex and I Another different ex she ended up her parents were out of town And she's like we were both dope sick. So we ended up taking her parents checks Writing them, caching them And then we were on the we're on the run. Stay in it. I know you guys aren't familiar with Saginaw But there's this like real janky hotel called the Curry. They do hourly rates. They do. Oh, yeah There's one of those places. You know those places too, Jack. Yeah Yeah, they had $2 porn This this place. So I'm in there and you know This was kind of it should have been a moment where it's like probably should stop at them. I We had bunch of oxy, you know, because I just wrote like

21:55six grandin checks. So we're in this hotel hiding out. I had probation violation probation violation warrant and then the new stuff so I'm like fuck it Let's see what happens if I load up three 80 milligram pills and one and The next thing I know I'm getting up off the floor. I Don't know how long I was on the floor in my my ex at the time. She's on the bed trying to Still shoot up like she didn't even Recognize that I was on the floor unconscious, but she could she was crying because she couldn't hit a vein And that was just like one of those moments the Sober Adam that was still inside of me was like what are you doing man? like Where you want this to go so From that I ended up I Did seven months for forgery uttering and publishing and larsony of a building plus I had to go to a special alternative

23:00incarceration boot camp they call SAI and and Long story short and that I ended up fracturing my pelvis at the facility from running because I had a previous injury And it was so it didn't heal back correctly. It was like that So it just refractured from the stress and I got sent home on a tether and then I'm like Conning doctors. Oh, if I get a prescription for bike it in I can do heroin Since you dropped her to you for the same thing. So I'm going in you know may reporting with long sleeves on and My PO is like you condo way out of boot camp Which I didn't I had x-rays to prove it and she's like you condo way out of boot camp and I'm gonna send you to prison The moment you slip up this episode is brought to you by wolf pack bags This gear is meant for anybody gym lifestyle to anybody that's on the move

24:01I mean I like to say that us here and everybody that tunes in we're not average We're always a wolf they have all the goods that you need especially for anybody that is looking for a bag to carry their meal prep a lunch Pale anything like that they have you covered so once again go to wolfpack.com use the code Hope a holics saved 10% and join the pack well So I'm on tether. I can't leave my house this this woman comes over and She's on her own drugs that I didn't know she took and I went in to have my bedroom to get high Because I'm like still kind of lowkey about IVU sound I'm just shoot up in front of people I don't really know and I come out in her heads between her legs and she's she's starting to turn like blue. I'm like oh fuck You know and in that moment What do you do? There's only one option? So I call and that it's that that was like the process for me getting sent to prison so I dropped dirty or oxy cotton

25:07Two months later from there. That was June 25th of 08 August 15th of 08 I got sentenced to 23 months Which you think that would have been enough to you know It was it was 23 months to 14 years because in in Michigan forgery ordering and publishing has a a 14 year tail on it and In Michigan. I don't know what it is in California. They have what's called truth and sentencing So if they say you're doing 23 months you're doing all of that minimum and then you still have to I call it court 2.0 you go from the parole board and they decide if you've like your conduct whatever while you're in if you're eligible for parole So I did get paroled, but you think that would have stopped me It didn't I made it through my parole, which was I got a P-61 which is a 12 month very very low supervision I reported once a month and

26:10It was it was a breeze to get through parole I actually went up November 22nd of 2010 when I got off parole and I before I went I had I bought big bag of weed and I rolled up the fattest joint Had it sitting in my vehicle went in got my P-61 paperwork He said the parole officers like carry this with you for a couple weeks till all the paperwork Catches up. I literally in the courthouse parking lot lit up a joint as I left So it's like when I when I look back on all this I still had dealt with the cause of the why why am I getting high? So that it started as weed and then you know bar fight led to At the time my I didn't even know my neighbor was selling morphine until I came home My knees all blown out and he's like you want some you want something for that?

27:13I was like what do you got he's like I got you know Got 100 milligram morphine and he gave me three. He's just like yeah, I should help My first three are free. Oh, yeah Well, and he he's a good dude. He actually once I started buying him from him every day. He's like I'm cutting you off man because you got a problem. Yeah, like increasing The amount you're getting from me you're you're using pretty high quantities every day. So from that point I was just like I have find a new connection and I had tried to move to a new town get you know, they say change your people places and things I'm a firm believer that if you change your people places and things it doesn't matter if you don't change what's up here 100% Because I went right back wherever you go there you are You know, you can't run from yourself. You have to face yourself That's what I was doing. I was running from all that hurt all that pain and

28:16You can fuck a spot in that it anywhere and you know, I bet you if you wanted to right here in California Without even knowing us I give you an hour. Yeah Right here in San Juan, Capastrano. You'll find somebody. Yeah That's the thing I know I know like the spots the Most people that aren't talking to themselves Here yeah Once once I you know Got back into that Mike. Oh, well, and I want to make it clear like I'm not against maintenance Therapy at all. I think it's great. It works for you 100% it's better than shooting dope, right? For me, I used it as a crutch and as a diversion So I got on Suboxone I'm like, well, no at least I'm not sick. Yeah, I'm not sick and I'm

29:16Everything's legal and I have a prescription But then what started happening was it was like well the dope man would trade a pack for a strip so I would trade here and there keep my reserves for when I was sick And it just I'd stop before I had going to the clinic again So I wasn't dirty and it was just more of this like cycle manipulating the system and That spun out from like 2012 till 2015 I got cut off from the Suboxone and And I remember I had like two doses left my grandma was in the hospital. I was really close with my grandparents too She was in the hospital my grandpa just died six months ago She's in the hospital. She's 81, you know and I remember my job wouldn't let me take the day off

30:17That night, so I went over early in the morning. This is at like 730 And I walk in choosing the ICU and I vividly remember them doing chest compressions on her and hearing her her actual ribcage cry and So you combine like my my biggest trigger for using loss of a loved one I just got cut off from Suboxone at the same time. It was a perfect storm So a day to say fuck it. Yeah, and I did the very next day. I went out and At this time you can't find Like heroin super easy to find as opposed to like morphine or oxy and so full-blown heroin use that lasted from my grandma passed November 13th 2015 and I was using November 14th Big day that happened was January 29th, 2016. I was working at a best-western funny. I'm staying at a best-western now

31:22I was working at as front desk clerk my normal connection was out so got connected with a guy in detroit and Ended up getting it and then at work I used Well when I came out I'm like I don't even feel anything, you know Going to the bathroom used come out and like this some bunk shit. So I go back in And do a double dose so now I'm triple dose my normal and I end up I remember I was standing and back kind of getting you know wobbly and then someone my guardian angel I've tried to connect with her just to apologize make amends and also thank her She was checking in we had two check-ins at night because it's super slow in the winter There were 10 people in the hotel out of 120 rooms. So it was dead

32:23And it just happened to be that she came in when I was You know get this I go up to the desk and I remember kind of looking at the keyboard and I I couldn't see anything and I'm like The next thing I know Boom I'm strapped to a gurney my shirts ripped open Paramedics there's cops the lobbies full of people So she seen me go down and I had one of those pockets right here that I had brought my needle out of the bathroom in So when I fell it popped out so she kind of knew Called in the ambulance just happened to be like five minutes away. So So Everything kind it was like perfectly set up for me to be saved And then I found out I was not just heroin. It was actually cut with fentanyl and cocaine So

33:23I'm like, you know, you know, you that's that's the risk of people now using these days. You don't know if you're good And I was in what 2016 yeah fentanyl was just hitting the market home You know, it's Russian rule that every time now. Yeah, I lost my son at home Sorry to hear that that's like And I went through survivors or more why why did I get saved I've had so many friends people I know that didn't like why me and kind of led into I have a purpose It's moments like this sharing my story. It's sharing my story and having people with similar experiences on my podcast share their stories. It's everything I do today is like It's like the purpose in my life is like a train That even when I don't want to it's dragging me pulling me along

34:24Was that it what what I mean did you did you get sober after that? No, I didn't think so She and that's the crazy part like So they say jails institutions and death. Yeah, I was near death I'd vended jails I run it this time and through my Multiple stints with the courses and you think maybe I would have gotten rehab But never been to treatment I actually there were Probably hundreds of times, you know, I get I'm like I'm so tired to doing this. I'm gonna I'm gonna call this treatment center and get get lined up and detox and get in there I'm like They're like can you hold please and I'm on the phone for 10 minutes I'm on hold I'm like fuck this. I'm just gonna go get high Yeah, cuz I'm sitting there like there's just a window of period of time man When when when people are you know have that desperation enough to pick up the phone and the courage because it truthfully it takes courage to pick up the phone

35:29you know, but like When when the withdrawals start happening or you know for me it was like if you didn't pick me up in that short Window I probably already had some shit coming and if that shit got there before you did I was often running again and who knows Who knows when that window of opportunity would arise again? Yeah, it shouldn't just be like you go to the ER They embrace you like Yeah, they don't embrace you. We have your back. Let's let's get you Uh Into a facility right now just like a diabetic who's you know not Taking his insulin correctly eating donuts and crap that he should shouldn't be eating in his blood sugars at like 600 and he goes to the emergency room and they They don't shame him right for eating all those donuts It's not different man. Yeah, I say that. I use that analogy to the diabetes

36:33The diabetes is the best analogy the closest thing to what we have because a diabetic my dad is diabetic and my dad is the king Of going to the donut store and fucking sneaking it hiding it Why not two my dad will fucking with my dad and I used to when we When we worked together when he was younger. We had desks right next to each other Now fool will come in with the donut put it in his drawer Closed the drawer and when I got up and leave one one time I sit I was I could see my office from my mom's office And I and I see him open his drawer reach in and pull out a piece of donut and But my dad's also like that one that leaves crumbs off the chair too Like dead giveaway. It's like it's like snorting a lion to fucking coke And you still got the white powder around your nose and you're like what what are you going on right there? Oh, fucking The powder I've had powdered donuts What to get there? So I'm a personal trainer and

37:35One thing I talk with clients about is The question. What's the most abuse substance on the planet food? Mm-hmm. I still abuse it. Yeah, yep. If I can well, and even in movies how do they how they project like And I'll just lay out one scenario girlfriend Her boyfriend breaks up with her she goes to the freezer with the whole gallon of ice cream and it's that's literally a coping mechanism Because we get the same sort of dopamine hit yeah from especially sugar and uh Just food in general. We can eat our feelings. Yeah. Yeah, I used to have a motto. It was And this was in sobriety stuff in my feelings and mask them with food A nice in-and-out burger when I'm feeling bad along with a nice fat shake. Oh, it's so weird though Like I have a I could do in-and-out and not get fat. No

38:36Girl I feel like in-and-out is healthy. Yeah, I mean, I feel like out of all of the things that I indulge in or that I can like Comfort my feelings with in-and-out the best right where I don't feel literally like Death thereafter, you know because what happens is I go through the drive-through and I get an actual amount So like I'll get a number two or whatever and my extra little extras and then I leave where Somewhere else or if it's at my house and I just like order a bunch of food and grocery it's like endless It's a bottomless pit. There. So the ice cream is what kills me in like I've gotten to the point with the ice cream. I can't order the one that I ordered when I fell in love with that specific Flavor because it's too big for me like I have to get the little Ben and Jerry ones. Yeah, I'll kill it I'll kill that Ben and Jerry's all by myself and like it's still really horrible for you to do that But it's not like these straight gallons. I was like The yeah, they're half gallons. It's a half gallon of ice cream and what's crazy is like when I'm in my

39:40In my phase of that Dude, I'll put I'll put that thing that whole thing down not not in one night But in three there and it's it's nine servings isn't like do you have like a routine time frame like nine o'clock's my right before bed It's of cook or whatever. Yeah, it's right. It's right right before bed And it's like I could have eaten perfect all day and then I just fucking blow it at Well, we're we're mind to mind seven thirty because I go to bed early. Yeah, we're very habitual creatures. So it's it's like So pizza's my my go to be my jam. I so I don't eat it often and when I do I go to Pizza buffet and Mount Pleasant called piznello so good and I'll probably I mean this they're they're probably like 12 14 inch pizzas I put like three of them away and I'm like

40:41Undefeat Feel like garbage right but Elimination diets with food never yeah totally work. It's more about moderation and what what what and also like what are you doing Outside of your I mean at the gym, you know like because there's times when like you know I've been I've been like you know meal prepping and doing really well And then I hit a fucking gnarly leg day and it's like my energy it just tanks and literally That's when I know for me That I need to head out to end and out Yeah, get it like bonus calories a double double And then I also get the animal fries and there's nothing wrong with sitting down and crushing to 1500 calories if Your body needs it Versus like you know, I'm not trying to stay like super lean all the time right I I I like where my physique's at right now

41:41And it feels good. Yes, and it allows me to have an in and out double double animal style No tomatoes. I mean in actuality what you're kind of doing is carps cycling Yeah, because you're meal prepping your entire like week and then on the days that you need that extra like push is you're Having way more high carbs, which is a spec you're insulin, which is actually is going to give you the muscle gain that you want anyways So it's like that's why I think for diets especially it's one of those things where I think everybody sitting at this table has done all of the things like all Whether it's elimination or I only gonna eat x y and c and that's it I'm gonna stop eating Ice cream or whatever it may be but when it comes down to like that's not realistic and that's What's gonna end up happening is you're gonna like binge like a crazy lunatic and You cannot out train a bad diet Like I've definitely tried that one on multiple occasions And that's why they always say I have to made in the kitchen and this that and the other nutrition is way far

42:42More important than then being at the gym seven days a week being a freak and doing two hours of cardio Burning fucking because like I could what's crazy for me is I First off cardio makes me really hungry like really hungry like I can't I I binge like a mofo if I do too much cardio and I cannot keep up with the Calories that the extra calories that I'm consuming and then try to go work them off and it ends up not working for me and then I end up losing muscle Mm-hmm, and I look I look soft and fluffy and smaller so It's crazy you do have to know in every but it's different for everybody because some people can just Do a shit ton of cardio there and they've got abs of steel totally and everyone's body composition is very very different And how their body like adapts to certain whether it's cardio or whether it's like you know

43:42Out there running outside or doing some for like form of cardio Specifically or lifting weights like everyone's body is going to be different because our brains tell us what we want like How I want my physique to look is very different than The 10 girls that are next to me, right? You know because we have this like skewed perception of what is good for us And what we want to see back in the mirror So it's like that's why the whole fitness thing is it's very difficult to get people's like your mind has to Shift because instead of going for like and and I only say this because I have to work on it on daily because I mean I know our body dysmorphias like through the rules Um, and that's like coming from people that work out on a regular basis and I try to tell myself where it's like I am not training or I'm not trying to strive even though like For a very long time I'm obsessed with the look of skinny But it's way more now. It's like strength especially. I'm like I'm in my forties like women is Especially because it helps with osteoporosis and then we lose exactly which is like very important because that's why you see a lot of women

44:49Falling down breaking hips breaking like certain things way more easy is because they aren't lifting They aren't moving their body plus we lose such a trend of tremendous amount of like collagen all these things that women need as we age That's going to help us through like parimenopause menopause and all of the things so it's like um It's changing women and men is mindset because men struggle with body dysmorphia as well of training for like a healthy lifestyle like health is wealth so if your body is not able to function especially in my in my mid forties to my fifties like Then no money is Well, I think it's such an important thing because like You know us men um why we've been having this anti-aging going on since the 90s in it you can go back even further with Sylvester Stallone, but uh, you know, we've been we've been hormone replacing for a long-ass time You know hormone replacing HGH is is technically a peptide

45:52So like men have been doing that for a long time and it was You know women have been going to Your standard doctor in getting their blood work done and um you know and going into Parimenopause and menopause and the doctor say that's just that's just normal right? You're just gonna have like ride through that ride through it But you know what? Check my mother fucking hormones And get me back to optimal not What the AMA not not what the brain says on the scale what is optimal optimal optimal can be different for Especially women women's is way different than men like just put me like at a you know 1100 to Stostorone and I'm Cool, but like and that's over the You know the standard but like bro if I go if you go to the and and I again everybody's different But if I go to the doctor in my testosterone levels are

46:54350 in the cutoff range is 300 bro. I'm not doing well Right, well andropause is a thing too for men Just like menopause for women and then the Endocrine system our hormones are like they tell our body what to do So one thing as a trainer I see with women in that peri menopause Menopause and postmenopause menopause phases insulin resistance and that's Some well what is insulin insulin the hormone they're all it's all related so Uh, and you you were talking about is with uh In an out burger, is it it's intuitive eating is what I call it where it's just sure I feel like I I need I need that um insulin Uh surge Is what is happening? I'm I'm gonna put all these carbs that my body's not the bread the fucking fries The junk and all of a sudden I get a I get a A spike in and it brings my energy back to yeah back to a level. So I'm doing it like naturally

48:00Um, I uh, but yeah, you know, it's like I went and got my obviously I've been on TRT for For 10 12 years um But Like when I tried I tried to go off of it for I just wanted to know where where I was at um And I've only heard one person with a lower testosterone level than I had I was off for three months when got my testosterone right my right before I met you Um got my testosterone levels checked and they were 36 That's like isn't that like women level yeah, yeah, you were probably like You know, I was crying I was crying like in a depressed state like I just said like I didn't want it You know as I sex was not even a thought in my brain I mean, I would think it but I would be like it seems like a lot of work You know like then that's not okay when you're married and stuff like that too Ripple's out into your marriage quality and yeah, I mean my wife was probably happy

49:04Maybe like thank god Taking all of his TRT Going to the fridge right now That's what it was Yeah fitness has become I mean A healthy addiction for me yeah, yeah, I mean, I think that it can It's not just so much the fitness, but like how you know we we start to Like actually look at ourselves physically too and figure out How are we gonna do this for a while? Yeah, well, I think about it too is like all the Almost 20 years of using drugs alcohol Basically everything under the sun I was withdrawing from The bank of life so like taking away from my future and now I look at like making those healthy eating choices and You know working out as deposits. So There's a big craze right now about health span

50:07versus lifespan sure and I want to be 70 years old able to go yep hike a mountain, you know, I want to be able to be active Into my final years because I've seen it too often where people are Like my grandpa was active My grandma was she was not because he was doing yard work and 84 he could still run And she would struggle and have to use her arms to get up from the chair And that's it's just highlights the importance of keep moving always whether it's you know yoga Pilates weight training Walk in just keep keep moving stretch. Don't keep everything Pulled apart right? I mean it's just movement. I'm like all my parents when my dad's health is not the best But like all that I care about is I just want him to move, you know So I make like this little game and my parents backyard of him from the basketball hoop to the

51:10To the fence and then he's a little hill track in have called me and tell me how many laps he did Because right now and right rightfully so the guys in dialysis and he has broken ribs at the moment and all these other things but You have to keep moving that's why my mom. I think she's just like a pistol is because you cannot get that lady to sit down Showering plan. She's painting these things. She's doing like all of these like and then obviously taking care of my dad too But she's constantly moving all the time where I want to be like mums it down But it's it's so important well and I communicate so I do uh A program in the Midland County juvenile justice center. Wait, how did you get? We didn't we I know we went straight to fitness We saw track like a month after What was that yeah defining moment where you threw up your hands and you said I'm done Yes, so I got after the overdose

52:10January 29th found out in June that I had a warrant and So I'm like All right, here's here. I'm gonna do it in a call up and I set up my own arrangement It'll look good. So I'll get a PR bond So I literally had money So my employer fired me and then they I somehow still got unemployment after overdosing. I don't know how that happened But so I have my unemployment money. I'm a card and I'm like About to go get high I go into court, you know, I'm dressed up shirt and tie Judd reads off my charges possession controlled substance and possession of analogues Because I had concert on me at the time too. I'm standing there. I'm like And he says 500,000 dollar cash No 10% I'm like This some bullshit. I came and did this on my own. Why am I getting a 500,000 dollar bond

53:12Part of that was because these were my seventh and eighth felonies. I was a fourth habitual Like they are like he's not getting out And then maybe maybe that was God's work of like we're make this judge put Put him in there just at an unrealistic amount where he can't get out because he needs to be in there So three weeks into my my stay I was talking my bunkie. He's up on the top bunk I'm like it's some bullshit that I'm even here, you know The paramedics just resuscitated me so the cops could charge me with a felony And it was like a out-of-body experience where I was listening to myself say that and I was like While I'm pissed that I'm alive. That's and that was like my Through my hands in there and I was like something is truly wrong with the way my brain works And I need help and that was my white flag like I had to I had to make change so I went all in and

54:12I got lucky Went into Midland colonies recovery court program Which is super intense they sent me to treatment. I went into treatment with like this mindset of What do I got to do, you know, we touched on that a little bit before beginning. I'm gonna do everything In my power to make this stick So, you know the honesty the open-mindedness and willingness for all like Boom right there. We will be well on our way. It's the how of the program. Honestly open-not-mindedness and willingness Yes, so when I when I got to I went to Harbor Hall of in Pataski, Michigan If you're ever in Pataski either of you check out or if you're ever in the show on my schedule Yeah, go to Pataski. It's beautiful Right I never heard of it. Yeah It's like Pataski. It's right up here. It's stunning. That's like literally a Michigan Actually the the people that live on the we call it the north what east what is Michigan

55:19Great lakes plains. No, but I mean like what like, you know, we got the you got obviously the West Coast northeast northeast right yeah part of the northeast Um people from the northeast always want to show you on there. Yeah, what does Michigan look like a hand? Yeah Like a mitten like a big old glove So it's up it's up there. It's like Way up there up here Beautiful beautiful area though unless it's the winner and yeah, I was gonna ask you what's what time what time of the year So I was there I would go in the summer so I was there in October to December and it was like You know, we had to work we all had jobs like dishes and While we were in treatment and I remember them saying I had to Like shovel snow at four in the morning and it was like I go outside and we had a ton of snow in Midland and that area and not really like a ton but compared to a lot of the country, but

56:22I'm like It's like 12 inches of snow out here and it was literally like mid-shin level and that's normal up there They get two feet So don't go in the winter but yeah My my whole Pataski stay there was a magical time because of my willingness I remember See in signs Throughout the treatment center that said And I swear still to this day but it also is very Situational or before I was like a sailor but the signs said profanity rarely contributes to context So I'm like I'm not gonna swear so I like all these things Um, do you swear? Sometimes Not often there are times when profanity Accentuates, you know, it's weird is that like I've been wearing since you stopped hanging out with me No, I have a body valve like it's like naturally, but

57:23What is odd is that it has been on my brain to Slow it down slow it down Because I don't think it's very attractive for a female if they're every other word is something that just doesn't make sense I think there are times where like an f-bomb is totally necessary for a specific story or to get somebody like Attention Yeah to get to ride with you for whatever you're talking about but then it's a slippery slope That's what I'm kind of like battling in my head at the moment because I feel like I mean I don't swear like a ton Turning into oh, well, uh, what's his name, huh? Oh? Um, the church guy You should tell me not to cuss Oh, not him ill. I would never in a million years tell anybody to not do something That's not who I am nor like very Actually goes against our principles in our program as well like where we give suggestions all day long But at the end of the day like I'm not gonna judge anybody because Yeah, he was suggesting should suggesting

58:24No, he was judging suggesting I don't cuss anymore because I'm losing some of the people That would have watched the show if Because that one he really said yeah, that's what he was saying to me and I said I cannot disagree anymore if anything I am so annoyed that he's a pastor because it's like a go read the Bible because Jesus went like you can pull up a Matthew Verse where it's like the way that we speak is we're going after the people that we are just like that was the my point back to him is that I wasn't that I I don't want those people as my audience. I'm not looking for the people that are already saved I'm looking for the people that that are hurting right now and still in that fire. Yes And thinking there is no and like if I come in if I come in at them preaching They're gonna think that I think I'm above them and the truth is is man

59:25You know for me it was just barely nine years ago that I was in that fire with them And I'm willing to go back in that fire and let them know that I fucking care See see in that time that that's like emotional right yeah That accentuated and that's that's how I kind of use it like Yeah, that's why I think that like that's why I go back and forth with It'll now that you said about him Like now I want to just like totally negate what I just said and and continue to have the mouth that I have because I disagree so Full heartedly with how he approached you in that whole entire realm, but I digress um I agree like on some occasions like it makes sense those times that it doesn't and what I don't like when I hear another people is Not that I'm judging other people, but I just don't want it From like my mouth is when it's like every other word My daughter does that she uses it as like agitate. Yeah, I don't like that

1:00:27Like slow down right take the cuss words out Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally especially because it's my kid, you know right? Well, my parents are on me too like if I do something they're always I feel like they watch something before I even put it out. I don't have no idea how they do But if I do a podcast or interview or something um My mom And my dad will especially like be able to they don't care that I curse because it's like I learned it from them But if I'm doing it too much. Yeah, you know, then they'll they'll call it out for sure So that's all that I mean by the whole currency look you can say one thing that And fucking we're gone. Well, it makes me think about my grandpa. This doesn't even swearing related, but My grandpa never raised his voice. He was very calm so impressive and then when he did Everyone of course So the the frequency Component when hate he used it less when he needed it it was more

1:01:32Effective and that's kind of how all cursing is supposed to technically be so when you use a bad word It's supposed to be in a time of like Why does with the cursing thing in the Christians because like I mean I'm I'm I'm I'm Christian But like I'm not your traditional church-going Christian I'm more like I like to you know have my own personal relationship with God and I've you know I grew up in the church. I've read the Bible like I I like to have my own interpretation not yours Of who I believe Jesus is but my thing is is nowhere in the Bible does it say that I can't Say fuck shit ass bitch You know, it's not that it's not in there It does say do not take the Lord's name in vain. So one word that I try not to ever say is GD Which is actually interesting how that Was even interpreted in the cuss words right?

1:02:34Like we're terrible humans It's like we're the ones that took that and you started using it as like a a bad word right God damn No or Jesus Jesus Christ like you know how I try not to say that either like you know like oh Jesus But that's not you know oh that's different too because I saw I say that and I got checked with Somebody that said to me that wasn't Like I shouldn't be saying that that's mean to I think that's taking the Lord's name in vain Try not to say those I don't though because I say Jesus it's like How I corrected him when he was kind of trying to tell me something I was like no I'm like calling on him to help me like literally. Yeah, if you're doing that That's not right like Jesus but Have all the time. Okay, going back to you. Okay, so you get sober In jail in jail is that where you got sober in jail I had

1:03:34It was June 22nd 2016. I got to treatment October 3rd Got home from treatment on recovery court December 21st I went one year in recovery court graduated Then Maintained never look back. I just And even the further I get away from That recovery original sobriety date the more I've built in my life and the more I'm just like Like look if someone asks me for a ride and I'm in a position to give them a ride I'm shaking them down like empty your pockets for you to my vehicle because if if they get in my vehicle And they got dope on them We get pulled over and they throw it out. It's now mine I happened to me before and that's how I go back to prison for very very first arrest

1:04:35Because my guidelines in recovery court were minimum 48 months With the fourth habitual is a life tail and I'm not I'm like I busted my ass to build a business You know, I have a mission in life. When did that come though? So like you take paint that picture because you obviously you got out of jail You do your probation. You do basically like drug court um Now were you going to a NA CACMA those types of programs on the semi? Yep. I was NA they I did 210 meetings and 210 days Yeah, because they require in phase one phase two we go to a specific amount of meetings. So I entrenched myself in that um, I built a foundation of In my recovery of like how how my brain operates through repetition, you know um and thinking thinking like a daily Forced up right are you familiar with Carl Jung? Yeah, it's shadow work, right?

1:05:39I'm looking in the mirror like what is my participation in in the bad parts of today. Yeah. How can I get better? So Like it's evolved over the years, but I still give I'm in the wrong I try and immediately make amends. Yeah, because then I'm not carrying new stuff. Yeah, I hate that I can feel it man. It's like Yeah, well you guys realize that carrying the resentment or um Being angry or sad or all of the things that we kind of consume ourselves with it actually will Not only hinder your health like a lot of people are sick because of the way that they not everybody, but um the way that they they're constantly thinking they're sick And then and then on top of that it also ages you so that's why when you see people that have this like Spirit about themselves is because we have to at every single out some point of the day like really let things go

1:06:45like really allow The resentment the all the things that are very difficult to do and that's why not everybody can can do it is because we're humans and we want to Sometimes be angry and miserable. Yeah, what we're here to be it's some some people are addicted to that came Sure like look at relationships like yeah, I know a lot of people right? Like I see it. It's constantly wild and I'm like why would you even stay right? Well, I love him I know well, he's cheating on you all the time like You're not you know like totally why are you in that relationship because I'm cheating on him too I'm like, I'm sorry, but it is it's stuff like that especially when you're like in the in programs and stuff like that You see it really early on of just like the codependency of dysfunction and the useful like you just used to chaos And it doesn't matter But it really shows the lack of self-esteem that we have for our oneself And that's why I do believe in filling up your cup before

1:07:47You're able to do Anything in this world because it's very difficult to be confident and have Kind of this perspective Which then if you don't have it you allow the chaos and then on since and then you also go throw in the whole if things are going well and You're not used to being treated like normally then you self-sabotage Do Which is also another thing so it's like being human is hard That's why I I have Embracing myself into the AI world Not a bad place to be You but funny is like I think that and this is my human side I think that I annoy Claude sometimes because his response is back to me Sometime are they're a little I feel like that is a perfect addict question because you're thinking about yourself You're talking to a mother fucking computer

1:08:47And and and all of a sudden and there's oftentimes And you're thinking about we're like building we're like building stuff You know like like literally like building code and shit and then I'm like That's not I'll be like that's not even close to what I'm what I wanted and then he's like you know I start thinking god he's gonna get irritated with me So I asked chat GPT because I'm fucking you know codependent I asked chat GP Do you think you think Claude I'd Claude ever gets upset with me For having him change the code like 16 times What did chat say he said nah He's robots Have you ever used like the the voice version um I I don't because like Why that's a lie I have used like you like what do you mean like talking to no chat GPT has one that talks back to you And you can change the voice to a girl a guy whatever you want to be so I so I'll research topics because I commute an hour

1:09:51Oh, yeah, both ways yeah work. So I'll it's probably good for commuting. Yes. I would do that So I'll have a conversation researching a specific And she give me the answer Oh, I need to do that. I like that. So one time I was talking and I wait how do you do that? I'll show you right now I just there's a little one in the guy so I'm I'm talking to it and for some reason I don't know how to change the setting. I don't know how it got to this British ladies talk to me and I'm like I swear she raised her voice to me and I was like do not Ever raise your voice to me again and it apologized I was like Creepy I start thinking about Terminator chat right right Hey there. I'm getting ready to die then. What's up? How do you do that? What do you what are you up to today? Swander and what you're doing Just hang it out in the digital ether ready to help you brainstorm plan or just chat

1:10:54Whatever's on your mind really Wow, we could we could really do this together. Huh Yeah, for sure This is getting weird. I'll be sure. She sounds like way to like I really like sweet like you like her I could really like her. Yeah, I know that's what's like so weird. I'm so big. Have you seen the commercials were like Like this elderly lady sitting there talking to chat GPT because she's lonely. Yeah I mean, it's not gonna be long you guys to where where where where they have and you won't be able to tell which one is one It probably until you touch them because like they're gonna be they're not we can create skin we can You know, I mean it's your some people are people and I think it's great for the people who because some people are never gonna get a A significant other and like What When Donna dies. Well, I mean, I don't want to say that because like

1:11:58She's younger than me, but she always tells me she's gonna Like die first. Yeah, and then I'm gonna be lonely Well, don't worry about it. You'll have a robot you're on your you're well on your way with the cat. I can't look exactly like Donna robot. Yeah Um once again squirrel. Yeah, sorry Now you're sober and you have this idea to start your own business Yeah, so going back to treatment. I did this purpose workshop and it was like all these questions and I'm like What am I passionate about it brought to it brought this passion? Came what I'm passionate about is being physically active ever since I was a kid my first word as a toddler impen was ball So I've always been active so it comes comes down to Physical fitness and then my purpose comes down to simply just helping others and this this can be On a micro scale like you ever be going into the gas station this person's like

1:13:03Maybe 10 15 feet away and you're You hold the door for him where it's awkward. I did all the time and they they'll start like that slow job And you're like have a great day, you know like that those moments matter because You don't know what they're going on in their brains and Sometimes it's just I had a guy like follow me around the gas station. He's like, why did you do that? Why did you hold the door for me? And I'm like, I just wanted to do something nice for someone and he's like I just don't understand it He was literally gaffled by the whole experience and then he told me he's like you're one of the good ones And I'm like you are too. Just pay it forward. This is how we make the world better place Yeah, so Combine that passion that purpose and I'm like I walked around treatment. I'm like I'm gonna be a personal trainer. I'm gonna be a personal trainer telling all my peers, right? And this is manifesting. This is like it's not just for telling them. This is

1:14:05I'm hammering this down in my brain. Yeah, like this is what I'm gonna do. This is what I'm gonna do So that it's accountability So when I got out I Set up my Instagram Completely educational so when I'm doom scrolling I'm going on I'm you know, Kaseem Hanson, you know who he is and one education and training super smart guy really started following him Start following like all these people in the fitness world Al Araghan nutrition Mike So I start educating myself in micro moments throughout the day Because how am I gonna be one of the best trainers in my area? I have it's education, right? So I put in the work educating myself um In building a business Especially a personal training business because it's a it's a hard yeah realm to get into I was I remember you know my first year was I had like Five clients and it was just I was working at a front desk for a campground and

1:15:12Just kept grinding kept grinding now we have over 100 clients and I have employees. It's uh I like to think of them as partners. Yeah, because They're they're part of the vision right um Which if you've seen The level up life podcast actually one of the the gentleman that comes on with me all the time Dave wasney aka we call him was uh He I mean he's my right hand man when I come out here Who's covering all my clients? Yeah, for sure. He's actually probably Training actually no he's at the juvenile center right now training. Mm-hmm. So uh that that part is super important uh super rewarding because When my addiction started it was in my youth And I didn't have anybody who would really experience anything Like what I was going through come come to me and say hey, I understand

1:16:15And that's part of being able to go into juvenile center. It's Hey, you know, we we do this thing we go around the room Uh right when we get there you matter sad about anything And you know they don't have to be and then we go around and we do gratitude Because what I learned is you can you can train your brain to in moments of Uh When you're pissed when you're sad to automatically subconsciously just go to gratitude My most recent experience was I was in patoski Uh, I had a men's fast pitch tournament up there and you know, I got my dream truck And I just went and spoke at Harbor Hall and had a presentation about the stories we tell our selves and I'm going back to the hotel and I hate I hate that auto stop Oh, oh, you're too early So first thing I hit it I'm driving through patoski. It's like this, you know

1:17:17I back into my parking spot Wham right into the light post I'm like Wish I like put that auto stop off. Yeah, I'm I'm pissed my initial reactions being pissed and I walk out And I just start laughing because I instantly think like First off in order for me to back into a a light post. I have to have a vehicle Yep You know, so I look my tailgate was down at denatives like $1,700 to get fixed because the tailgate button is right next to the auto stop button So I must have been like I was on this natural high like that's that was awesome hit him both Boom tailgate all the way through patoski and then just slam into this light post. So Communicating that type of stuff to the kids where it's You can train your brain right and this doesn't have to be your life going forward

1:18:17Like you can pick who you hang out with you can You can make better decisions and then So Got the opportunity to start in midland just started recovery pod So we're a small component to that. They it's really amazing. So they have an entire pod dedicated to Recovery services where they get one-on-one Counseling they get group therapy. They bring in smart recovery. They bring in a a a a a they have all these services They bring in and then kind of the Out of the norm Is the fitness component. So we go in and we train the guys Um, and I have a I call it the rebuild program that we bring in there and we highlight like Fitness is actually It you can get the same dopamine the same chemicals that we chased when we were getting high While you exercise. It's usually after you leave you're like I feel you know

1:19:22Anybody who lifts can relate to that or exercises, but for for me My exercise when I get under the weights is like a It's like a pressure relief valve for stress for anger for resentments for for all of that so I can I can close my eyes and funnel it into Whatever I'm doing So being able to share that with the inmates and what the kids is like I feel like it's a life skill love that and then the podcast sharing Stories like what you guys are doing coming here. It's all purpose related for me because Going back to why me why was I saved? I feel like Because there's so many people that have that have passed what was it like with fentanyl It was like 300 300 day a day. That's a plane. Yeah, mm-hmm like If

1:20:23If it was 300 people that were not addicts There would be more action taken. I feel but I am My life is dedicated towards Just creating a wave right a wave of positivity that maybe someone listening to a part of my story looks and they're like I can change my life too. Yeah, yeah, I glimmer of hope Or a beacon Whichever one that's a chance to use Gt whatever Gpt used to always put when you try to get it to write something for you a beacon of hope Is it sob saying beacon Dude really good you you're gonna ask him. Yeah, I wanted to just ask how long have you had your podcast? 18 months, okay Yeah, we started may or March 24th of 25

1:21:23Nice. Yeah, it's awesome You know 74 episodes recorded right now nice shooting for one a week. We miss here in there, but It's hard podcast for all this tough game. Well, there's a lot. I went into it like Mission focused. Yeah, not thinking about like Huh posting and yeah posting alone is it was hard. Yeah posting alone is a job Nope, I actually hired my sister for that. So I wish my brothers how they're shit together and composing me I mean they have lives and jobs right here real world types stuff, but I always am an envious of like creators That their husband um Or spouse significant other and then like their family niece or siblings whatever are like part of the whole crew like they have like a little empire. It's incredible Yeah, you know to teach teach your teacher boo how to do that well my ex husband couldn't do shit Your new boo New boo

1:22:26No boo that's what I think Dude really good podcast bro you are you are you are one of the good guys you I mean It's just like that you're you're you're a warrior you just have this like yes Very sweet and kind nice guy. Well, we have a choice What we want to know for sure whether it's random people keyboard warriors being assholes for no reason yeah on social media like Like I don't know you bro. They don't think about the way to the words They don't think about the way to their words. No, I'm like I just try and be A positive well and think about it that individual that's leaving that negative comment there in a lot of pain Because I would never like leave a negative comment on anybody's page ever because I'm okay with who I am and I think that's weird like to do to any any human being especially somebody I don't know. I'm gonna go out of my way Just to type two sentences to like what hopefully make them miserable. That's terrible

1:23:32It's not how I want to live my life. So I like I Pray for those people because they're definitely not doing well. I don't respond to them anymore. Yeah, no, I don't either No, I want to have like I do too. I mean there's there's times and there is moments where sometimes somebody has to get checked with like a actual nice Educated response. I think there's nothing wrong with that But like to go toe-to-toe with just like name calling a silliness there. Well, I know there's people like Ah, you need to stop shopping in the kids section bro Because I hit my shirt. They said it was too short. Oh They're trying to be funny. Yeah. Oh my god. It's like that is so you should I mean my response to them is this is an extra shmedium bro Yeah, I was extra extra shmedium. Yeah, I like myself. I like my shit tight I was like have you heard a leg day? You know just something like that, but yeah, the leg day thing man. It's just like But that's all they want to do too is just like it or

1:24:35Rise out of you and pull you out of Character they're miserable and they want everybody around the company. Yeah, so say don't feed them Okay, thanks for coming down my friend. I really appreciate you guys having me on and yes, if you're ever Wanted to come to Michigan We'll do yours. Yeah, for sure. You guys are welcome. Yeah, so Michigan's pretty cool. I even put I'm making it in an area for you of things you gotta do. Have you heard of the trench? Yeah I've been to Michigan because I've never been that's where um Eminem lives no trinsons hq was out there. I flew into Detroit Detroit basket ball so if I went out there I would want to go to a Detroit basketball Epistons game um Deflayouted Detroit. Yeah, okay. Yeah, right. You had to go to Boston. You had to go Yes, and I'm back. Yeah, that's what they do. That's oftentimes My first plan LAX Orange County. Oh LAX LAX. Nope. Hate that airport

1:25:38Then I'm like is this the quiet time on the highway? There's like I think I was on what is the big one? 405 the 405 like is this This is like 11 o'clock at night. Oh, yeah, I'll come by. It's fine, but there was shit ton of traffic I'm used to like my first 30 minutes of my drive in the work. I barely see anybody. Oh, yeah, yeah Well, thanks again, man. Yeah, thank you for having me on. Yes. Thank you so much