I Went To Treatment 13 Times Before I Finally Got Sober

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1:00With ultra low latency and the capacity to handle massive demand, Comcast helps deliver every moment in stunning 4K. So viewers stay close to the action without missing a minute. Learn more at ComcastCorporation.com slash network. The kernels cooked up a new $10 bucket of the day just for you. Monday, 10 wings for $10. Tuesday, 8 piece fried chicken for $10. Wednesday, $8 tenders for $10. Thursday, 10 wings for $10. Friday, 24 nuggets for, oh, you guessed it, didn't you? $10. The $10 bucket of the day deal every weekday, only at KFC. It's finger lick and go. Prices and participation variables play last night available on third party ordering platforms. Tax extra. I got stopped by like a police officer. And when I opened my wallet, I had a bag of Coke sticking out like where the money goes. And he saw it. So I socked the dude and I run the cop. Yeah, you punched a cop in the face.

2:05Ty, I want to welcome you. Thank you for coming from Boyton. You're originally from Pennsylvania. You have 16 months of sobriety. Congratulations. How has it been? Did you think 16 months ago you'd be sober? I would say 16 months ago. I didn't really know what was going to happen to me. I feel like I was scared. This was the first time when I got sober because I've been to treatment 13 times. I was scared of the consequences more or anything. And I knew if I didn't stay sober this time that something else was probably going to happen to me. How old were you when you went away to treatment the first time? So the first time I went to treatment, I went to a psychiatric unit at like 17. I was still in high school. So I got sent away for like seven days and I didn't learn a lesson because I just started getting high. Because my senior year at high school I was really big into Xanax. I missed like 70 some days of high school my senior year. Did you graduate?

3:05Yeah, I graduated from Kairn actually. I mean because they gave me like an ultimatum. It was like either you go to treatment or you can graduate from treatment or you're going to be a super senior next year. And I was like, well, I can't I can't do that. Like I'll go to rehab then if that's the case. Yeah. So that's what I did. Wow. Okay. So all right. Let's take a huge step back. You grew up in Pennsylvania. Did you have siblings? Yeah. Yeah. I have one like full sister, Jillian. And then I have I have three other step sisters. And then I have two step brothers because my parents got divorced my junior year of high school. But you know, like when I was like younger, like I knew it like 12. My parents were probably going to separate, but they were trying to make it work for me and my sister kind of thing. And you know, and I felt kind of guilty for like my parents' divorce because like my behavior was always like off the wall. So like I felt like a lot of guilt for like a long time like thinking like,

4:05my mom and dad are divorced because of me. And so I would. So I would. So I would. So I would. So I would. Yeah. Like that was like a big thing that I felt guilty for for like a long, long time. Well, did you feel it when they were married and that you had said they stayed together for the kids? Did you feel that though the animosity in the household? Yeah. So like I mean, like something happened with me and my dad like on Christmas, then you know, like things got a little physical and like, uh, I just remember my mom was like, you know, you put your hands on my baby like, with like this isn't going to work. And like after that moment, like I knew like mom and dad are probably not going to be together. And like I knew that, you know, I could, I was like watching the family dynamic kind of change where like when my mom and dad are talking, it's kind of more of an argument and it's never like, you know, like how was your day kind of thing? It was like, yeah. It was like, what, like what are you doing? You know what I mean? So like I could tell like my mom was kind of fed up with things that I could tell my dad was too because like my mom's talking to him a different type of way.

5:05Uh, that most men don't like being talked to, you know what I mean? So, um, you could tell the dynamic was off. And so that incident happened on Christmas. And then when I was a junior in high school, Christmas day again was the day that like me and my dad had another blow up like before even presents were like a thing that morning. And, uh, my parents told us that day, like we're getting divorced. Like on Christmas day. Yeah. So like Christmas was just like a bad day. It was like, it was like, here's your presents, but we're getting divorced, you know what I mean? So it was kind of weird, but um, my dad wasn't in the house much longer after that. It was maybe, uh, like two months or so, like maybe a month and a half. And then he moved to an apartment. Um, but then I'm 16 and I'm just like starting to get high because I can finally can drive. You know what I mean? Like as soon as I got the car, it was kind of like off to the races. Like the day I got my licenses, like the day that I first ever drove and I was high. Like the first day, it wasn't even like a thought. Um, what did it, how did it go with the drugs and alcohol?

6:07Did you have your first drink or was it weed first or other drugs and so like when I grew up, I played baseball a lot and a lot of like, and I always played like on a team that was like higher in age. So I was always around like older kids that I kind of looked up to and the big thing at first, like where I grew up was pod. So then like I became like this massive stoner. Um, and then like, you know, I kind of, I went to like this party and I got somebody gave me a Xanax and I, and I blacked out. But I remember like in my head, like some, most people would probably be like, that's not, that wasn't cool. But then I was like, how, how do I do that again? You know what I mean? So that was kind of like my first like looking back on it was probably like the first red flag that you know, there might be like a substance issue with me. Was it one of those things where you blacked out and then everyone the next day was like, bro, did you? Well, you did like, I used to get high off of that the next day when people were like, you, you, you were out of control. Yeah. Like you did this. You, the buddy was telling me everything I did and I was like, wow, like I'm the man.

7:09Yeah. And I mean, like that's cool. Um, and then like it was kind of like, let's do it again. Like let's do it again next weekend. Let's do it again next weekend. Um, and like it was kind of easy when I was like younger because like my mom has a big house. We have a pool in the backyard. My dad, I don't talk to my dad because you know, like we have that relationship where, you know, when we see each other, we want to rip each other's head off. Um, back then or now current day you're saying current day? No. Okay. Day like things have been amended, but like back in the day, like in high school, like I wouldn't go over to his house and see him. Like my sister would be doing a week with mom, week with dad. And then it was Tyler's just strictly at moms. And my mom works for in pharmaceuticals. So like my mom's in a different state almost every week. Um, and then I'm like a 16 year old kid who's getting like 200 bucks a week to defend for himself and, um, you know, and she would grocery shop for me before she even left. And all I have is $200 and a car. And you know, I'm going to get high. You know what I mean? So like my basement became like the smoke lounge for all the friends that come over after school.

8:14And yeah. So like she didn't really understand what was going to happen. Like she just tried to love me. But um, there was like a lot of enabling like my whole addiction, which like helped me back. Um, the whole time, you know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, like my mom was just trying to love me. And like sometimes I feel like parents like in recovery, like they love their kid a little too much. You know what I mean? And that's like the biggest problem. 100% but also to like in your to your mom's defense. I mean, yes, you don't just leave your kid home. Give you $200 and then stock the fridge and let them do whatever the fuck they want. Yeah. But let's also your mom's perspective. She had just gone through the divorce. Yeah. She probably felt bad. He would come stay with me most of the time. Yeah. But like he had his own issues when I was growing up too. Like he, he, he was like a cocaine addict. He gambled. He stole a lot of money from my mom. And I remember when I was like 16, like he, like he started, he lived in our house when I was like 13. My mom basically made the house like a halfway house from my grandfather.

9:15Wow. And I remember when I was 16, 17, like he came up to the house because he finally moved back in with my grandmother because my grandmother needed time to heal. And he gave my mom like a check. And like my mom just sort of cried. And I was like, what's like what's wrong? Like it, but then like I found out like later on like that was him making an amends to my mom, like a financial amends from all the money he stole. And like my mom was like, I never thought I'd see this money again. Wow. And then like, so like when I look back at it now, I'm like, like, you know, that was like a big moment for my grandfather. And like my grandfather like completely changed like still good to this day. Is he sober? Yeah. Like my grandfather doesn't do anything. Like he, he goes to meetings with like all his old guys like. Good for him. Like every day, like I mean, sometimes I'll call him at 430. He'll be like, like you know what time it is. I'm at a meeting. Like he got to leave me alone. Yeah. And then I'll use like a call you back in an hour. Yeah. He like doesn't miss his meetings and stuff like that. And I thought I thought that was weird. Like I thought like even like when I went to treatment the first time,

10:17I was like, why would you go to a meeting the rest of your life? Like, uh, it's just weird. You know, but like he gets something out of it. So I mean, I respect it. Yeah. Okay. So you end up graduating high school, but you graduate Karen to get the diploma from high school. Okay. You graduate. What do you do after high school? One thing I've learned in my own recovery is that you can't do this alone. And you don't have to. I know that firsthand. I went through inpatient treatment at Karen treatment centers and it changed the course of my life. That's why I am proud to announce that I've partnered with Karen. For nearly 70 years, they've helped people and families not just break free from addiction, but actually heal and transform their lives. They're in network with all major insurance providers. And same day admission is available. So if you or someone you love is struggling, don't wait. Call Karen at 855-352-0103. That's 855-352-0103.

11:19Help starts with taking that first step. So I, so like in high school, like when I play baseball, I tore my rotator cuff in the labrum and I dislocated my shoulder in a game in high school like my junior year. And that's when like Parker said, start again. And like when I went to the hospital, they would give me an IV of morphine. And I remember like the chill, like I remember the first time, like I got a chill down my neck. Like I've never felt before. And I was like, I was like, who-who-who. Like I like that's that's that was nice. You know what I mean? Like maybe feel warm inside. But then like after Karen, like was scheduled like my first surgery. So when I got out of Karen three days later, like I'm on an operating table for my first surgery, because I had two and I'm getting, I'm getting percussed at like right out of treatment. Now you, all right. So you have the surgery after treatment and then you get percussed. Now does your mom or dad hold them? Or do they just give them to you? So my mom and dad would hold them.

12:21And I would cheek the, I would cheek the pill. So I would hide it like up in the back of my mouth. And my mom would always make me do the tongue thing. Like show me your tongue. But I would have it like so back up in my mouth. Like she couldn't see it. And then as soon as she left, spit it out. And then when I got like six or seven of them, then it's like, okay, I'm going to take them all now. So then like, and then once the prescription kind of ended, it was like, like damn, you know, like no, I can't do that. But you know, I got, I got weed still. So like I'm still fine. So that was like my first experience with like the whole treatment thing. And you know, and then they sent me to Texas, like right away. Like I went to care and I OP. And they were like, yeah, you can't be like, pee and dirty and like expect us to like keep you at this level of care. And I was like, like, what do you mean? Like I have a prescription. And they were like, well, that's not how like recovery, that's not how recovery works, dude. And I was like, I was like, well, that's not fair. You know, like poor me, like I can't, I can't come to a group like

13:25nodding off in the back of the room. Like, like, that's not a problem. That's a problem here. Like I don't get it. I mean, looking back on it now, it's pretty screwed up that I would do that. Like it didn't have any self awareness for like anybody else in the group or anything like that. And then when I got my second one, like it was like a major operation where, you know, like, because like I was dislocating my shoulder my senior year, like I dislocated like 40 times. And I'd go to the hospital like once or twice a week. Like they knew me at the St. Joe's Hospital and Reading. They like knew my name. They were like, oh, the terrors here, you know what I mean? Cause like I'm screaming like, give me the morphine, like the second I walk in the door. And they would just like, sit date me and put me out. And you know, my shoulder would be back in. Wait, so your first surgery was right after care? But my first surgery was junior year, like Simon the summer. And then my second surgery was after Karen. But that was like the more major operation. And my mom told the dude, he was like, I don't want, I don't want him getting percussed. And he was like, it's humane to like for the surgery or son's having to not give him

14:27some type of opiate to help with pain. And like when he said that, it was like, it was like fucking whole pass. Yeah. I was like excited. Yeah. I was like, I was like, now the doctors co-signing the opiate use. And I mean, I got caught like the so Karen kind of gave me a chance. They were like, you know, like if you don't come high, we'll leave you in this level of care. We understand you just had a surgery. And then like I had a buddy come over at my, because of my dad, my mom was like, I need a break of you. You're going to dad's. And the one night I snook out, I got drunk and I lost my phone. And my phone ended up being like under the bathroom, in the bathroom the whole time. But my mom ordered a new phone. And it was under like the mat next to the shower, like somehow I got under the mat. And like I found it and I turned it on. And my mom got a notification. She was like, the phone has been found. And she was like, can I can I get that phone? Like I'm going to use it for myself. Like it's a newer phone than mine. So like no hesitation. I just gave it to her. But I just also gave her all the evidence of all the things I've been doing

15:28the past two months out of surgery. You didn't factory reset it. Oh my god. Now like I just gave it to her. So my mom, so my mom and Karen got me on the phone with a place down in Texas. I went to Lubbock, Texas, because they had like a collegiate recovery program at Texas Tech, where if I was sober, you know, I could go to school at a like a discounted rate, I could live in a sober dorm as long as I did like the six months in the halfway house. That was a fairly old. Yeah, it was a cool program. But then like I didn't want to be sober. I was like, I was like, now I'm like 18 years old. Like do I really have a problem? Where am I just getting like bad luck? You know what I mean? That was like a big thing for me when I was younger. Was like, I keep running into bad luck. Like my mom's catching me at bad times. So then like, I went to Texas. And then as soon as I was there, like in the dorms, like I dated a girl out of rehab. And like that was like my higher power. I was like, she's going to keep me sober. Like she's amazing. I mean, she was a really, she was a good person. She still is a good person. Like I've still reached out to her from time to time.

16:30Like we're still like cool. We kind of broke up because it was like Tyler's moving back to PA and I live in Dallas, Texas. So it was there's never like any like hard feelings. But even like when I relapse with her, like I started taking a lot of Xanax when I was at Texas Tech in the one night, I was like on the elevator for like two, three hours in the dorm, just going up and down, like barred out of my mind. And then she finally found me. And she was like in like the whole week, like if I would smoke weed, I would get rebarred out. And just like not remembering anything. It was like seven days of just like a blur. And then I was like, now I'm going to get in trouble with the program because people are going to find out that I wasn't around for a week. Like that's kind of like, you know, I hid in my dorm room. I live in a sober hallway. Nobody's seen me, you know, like that's like odd behavior. Like I would smoke weed and I would show my face, but I'd also have like a whole thing of eyes in my eye. So like I couldn't be cool. I kind of thing. But then like people just started catching on to like my weird behavior.

17:32I manipulated my family. Like that's the first thing I did. I was like, I got to go to school like in PA. And my mom was like, what's wrong with Texas? Like you seem to like it in the beginning. And it was because like I was so scared to just be honest about like the relapse. And I didn't want to get to go to treatment in Florida. I mean in Texas. So she she she brought me home. And then she was like, where are you planning on going to school? And then she was like showing me all these places that I could go. And then like I had some buddies who went to this school called IUP like in Pittsburgh. And it's in the middle of nowhere. And it's just like a party school. Like my one buddy was like, he was like, it stands for I usually party. And then so I didn't even tour this campus. Like I did the virtual tour. I'm going. This is for me. What year is this when you go to that college? 2017. Okay. And then like I was supposed to go in the fall. But then like my parents caught me like relapsing after tech. And they were like, you need to stay home. And you need to just work and save your money.

18:32And if you can save $3,000 before you know the winter session, you can go to school. And I was like, all right, like perfect. You know what I mean? So I saved up my money. And I went to school in the in the winter time. Now let me assure you a question. So you are for me an active addiction. If someone asked me to save up $3,000, it was not fucking happening at all. I could save 300. I gave all my money to my grandfather. So right. But even me giving the money to my grandfather would have never happened. I would have just I would have completely just blew it out of the water. And like fucked everything up. So do you believe maybe at this point, your disease hadn't progressed yet to the point where I was just talking about? I mean, like I think at times like when I was younger, I could control myself a little bit because I knew like I knew if I'm in Pittsburgh and I'm four hours away from mom and dad, there is no saving me.

19:33There is no rule of like you can't get high. Like when my parents dropped me off at that school, like they saw the front houses and they were like, do not, do not go to those houses. If you go to those houses, we're going to be so mad at you. And I was like, I was like, I would never, I would never do something like that. Like that's so stupid. Like why would I want to get hazed? And next thing you know, like they leave and I'm at that front house so that they told me do not go to. And then like one buddy told me he was like, he was like, they do a lot of blow there. And I was like, I was like, now we're talking my language. Like they get, they want a party like me. They want to do things like me. So like I signed up at like the first rush event. Like I was like one of the first people there, like ready to pledge. You pledge and did you make it in? Yeah, I did get in. But when I was pledging like the one night, like I got intoxicated and I got stopped by like a police officer. And when I opened my wallet, I had a bag of coke sticking out like where the money goes.

20:34And he saw it. So I socked the dude and I run the cop. Yeah, you punched a cop in the face. And like right in this chest and I ran. And like as I'm running like I'm wearing a bright yellow t-shirt, like a bright yellow polo long sleeve because it's cold and where I'm at. And like I'm hiding in a bush. Like and I can see my dorm, my dorm to get in the front door. And like I'm so drunk and I'm so high that I'm like tunnel vision. You know what I mean? So I start doing like a sprint and then it was like blindside nailed by the cop. And like they're beating me with like the baton. And they're like they were like you're going to learn today, boy. And like you know I'm getting I'm getting my shit hit. You know what I mean? And I'm just like oh my god. I'm like I am in so much trouble when my mom finds out that's the first thing I thought of. You didn't even think about the felonies that you were about to get. You thought about your mom coming down there and kicking your ass. I was more worried that I was going to be taken out of school. Yeah. And so then like I told like the fraternity kind of what happened because I was still technically a pledge.

21:34So like when I was at the police station, the biggest question was is like we saw you coming out of the fraternity house. Were you haze tonight? And like I was like I'm not cracking like I'm not I'm not cracking on that. So like I kept saying no, no, no. And they were like you know like if you tell us where you got this this cocaine from like we'll like drop this, you know, we'll go after the person who sold you it. And then I was like I was like okay. Like if you let me come on Monday, like I'm down to like tell you. And he was like okay, like I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. You come you come Monday and you tell me and these charges will be erased. Like we won't even you know put it in the system. You can go home tonight. And I was like yeah, that's perfect. You know, like I'll do that. And then Monday came was not going back to the police station. I was not telling on anybody. I was like I was like we'll see what happens. Like let's roll the dice. And my mom like called me like two weeks later. And she was like she's like why did I get a thing in the mail saying you got an underage

22:36and like a false identification. And I was like I was like yeah, I got stopped going home to the dorm because like they get they sent like two things in the mail. So like I thought at first like okay, like I got called with a fake ID and being drunk. Like most college kids get that. So I was like I'm safe, you know what I mean. So like I'm high five and my pledge brothers like like we got away with it. You know what I mean. Three days later I got another phone call. My mom's like so tell me what really happened. And I was like I was like you know what happened. I told you and she was like okay, so what happens? What's what's this harassment of a police officer? It says that you have possession of cocaine. It says you like you've resisted a rast like you have all these like you have seven charges right now on you. And I was like I was like I don't know like I don't remember. And she was like she was like I'm not stupid. You're not stupid. Like I have the docket that says everybody's name who was with you. And you're the only idiot who's getting charged because of how you acted. And I was like oh no.

23:36So I like I told the fraternity I was like I might have to drop pledging because like my mom's pissed at me. And they were like well the guy in the town who's the lawyer like he's go with the DA like if you get with him you know things work out like I promise you it's your first time getting in trouble like you'll get away with this so most. And I was like so I went to this lawyer. He's asking me for like four grand of represent me. And I was like dude I don't have that like I was and then I was like I was like I'm in this fraternity. And then like because one of the guys who got in trouble he told me to tell him like what fraternity I was in and as soon as I told him he was like I'll drop it to 1500 and we'll get it all taken care of. And then I was like okay like I'll do that like no problem. So he like I gave him money to do what he had to do and we had the first hearing. He came out he was like great news. They're only charging you with the resisting of the rest. Everything else is getting dropped. And I was like because like he knew the DA so like I like I had like an end to get out of like

24:38you know get out of jail free card kind of thing. Yeah. And then I went to court like the next fall my mom let me go back to school and things only got worse like I started living with somebody who was selling cocaine to all the fraternities like I'm doing coke like all day every day. And then like that's kind of like when I have like my moment of like I love cocaine. Like there's nothing better than cocaine like I don't even need a drink when I do cocaine. Like I will sit there and just digest like an ape all by myself and have no problems. Um and like even like the people in the fraternity like I thought it was weird like it was like Monday morning and I'd be in the chapter room like snorting lines and they'd be like dude we have class today it's nine o'clock like what is good. I'd be like dude like this is our lifestyle you know like I didn't even understand like you know fraternities they have like philanthropy events like they do like charity work and I just thought it was just one big party like 24 seven yeah um and then you know like I had that court date and they were like you know you get ARD so in Pennsylvania that's just like it's basically like a slap

25:41on a wrist it's like stay out of trouble for six months. Yeah and I rolled my eyes like when the judges said six months he was like make it a year and then uh so then that's kind of when like treatment started happening for me because then my mom left it's Thanksgiving break and I'm coming home like my grandfather came and picked me up in Pittsburgh and I like traveled through the state of Pennsylvania with a half ounce of cocaine in the court. Push your limits train with precision see the results at equinox that's high performance loving everything you need to lock in and unlock your potential at equinox start today at equinox.com. Ultra running shoes are all about space the space to go further to feel better to do something you never thought possible and this space starts with ultra fit unlike traditional running shoes ultra fit gives toes more room to move naturally so every step is strong balanced and comfortable whatever you're leasing up for stay out there with ultra shop now at ultra running.com that's

26:44a l t r a running.com the most memorable gifts aren't found they're made. Zazzle is a custom marketplace where you pick any product a mug a card a tote a phone case and make it personal a photo a name an inside joke the kind of gift that actually fits the person that's what 30 million customers have been coming back to Zazzle for over 20 years to find right now save 25% on your first order at Zazzle.com that's Zazzle.com make it Z Amazing dude you're a motherfucker I would have hated you yeah if I was that judge and you roll your eyes at me yeah obviously dude I listen you're your humble now but you are a fucking brat. Yeah well I that was like my biggest issue too like I was so entitled to everything like entitlement I'm glad you said he saved yourself in the comments yeah like the episode like entitlement was like my biggest issue for the longest time like like what do

27:44you mean I don't get that you know what I mean and people used to tell me like all the time like you were one of the most entitled human beings that I've ever met in my life and I and like I would take offense to it too I believe you don't know like what I've been through but like realistically like I lived in a very nice house like I had pretty much anything I wanted growing up like I was playing baseball the time on travel teams like my parents are paying for me to get lessons like I had everything like on the outside like you would think like I would grow up and be like cool you know what I mean well it goes to show that addiction doesn't discriminate it doesn't matter what walk of life it doesn't matter what background you come from race political beliefs religion class it doesn't matter I I truly firmly believe that addiction is a disease yeah and it's something you know that it progressively gets worse over time okay so you do you graduate from the school no all right

28:45how long do you end up doing at the college I did I did a one full semester and then like I went home from Thanksgiving and like I went to school at 180 and I came home at like 135 so my mom knew right away something's wrong like the wait like what year did you come home from school that would have been that would have been fall of like so I went and spring 2017 I came home fall of 2017 and I've lost like 55 pounds so like my mom knows like something's wrong and then like I went to a party over Thanksgiving break and I like totaled a car and I parked the car like in the front yard like nothing happened can you tell us the story so I was at this party and I like I was I was already drunk I was doing like a bunch of acid to so like I'm tripping um and like somebody gave me a pill and like I saw like an ex girlfriend I got mad because she was with like a boy and I was like I was like I'm leaving you know what I mean like I'm not getting what I want I'm leaving and uh I drove

29:46home and like it was like that wolf a wall street moment where he's like driving home the Ferrari and you think you're driving perfect but I was a driving perfect like my passenger door was going and like my tires like on a slam like this on the passenger side and like I parked it in the front of the driveway like nothing happened like I parked it perfect but like when I got in the house I let I'm ripping door hinges off the doors nobody's home like my mom's like with my step that now the neighbor calls and was like you know like we hear something going on in the house because my neighbors are kind of aware of you know I'm like the troubled kid of the neighborhood so they call my mom my mom's driving an hour at like 230 in the morning to come see what's up um and then the police are like I'm like in my mom's bed like I wake up I'm naked in my mom's bed I don't know why I'm in my mom's bed and I have like a police officer in my mom's bedroom and they're like they're like and like the police officer knew me uh because like he could he saw me grow up like playing sports with his son and he was like he was like dude you're gonna be like one of those kids if you don't get

30:50it together who's gonna die and you're gonna get hooked on drugs and like this isn't you and I was like I was like you don't know what you're talking about he was like look I can charge you tonight with the dy and everything because like the car just says it all you're clearly intoxicated now so either get in the ambulance go to the hospital and I won't say a thing and he was like he was like he was like just do what I'm asking and go to treatment and I was like whatever so I went to a place called retreat in Efforda and I did like it so I did 40 like 45 days because my insurance cut off like midway through and I hopped on like my dad's so they like reran more insurance so it kept me in impatient longer and then I came down here and that was 2018 like the beginning of 2018 I'm in Florida for the first time and then I'm doing like PHP IOP like getting switched to one treatment center to another because like I can't behave and I'm living in halfway and the whole time I'm down here I didn't want to do steps you know like I did I did steps to you know

31:56get a later curfew or you know now I can go on a pass you know what I mean so and then the people I was hanging out with like they were just like shady people in recovery like you know like the phone room scams that people do down here on the luxury labs yeah so basically like I found it attractive if like you were doing scumbag things because like that's like the lifestyle I still wanted to live like I was like well if you're sobering you're being a scumbag it's not as being as bad as you know getting high and being a scumbag and then I eventually like I got I got drunk in half why I met a girl at FAU and like I was still talking to someone up north too at the same time so like I was like promising her like I'll be home soon and then like I'm hanging out with the FAU check and I'm taking like three day passes so I can drink and I don't even have a job like just completely unemployed down here not willing to be employed and then it was crazy like my halfway house manager was like my girlfriend can get you a job on the app and Delray

32:58just food running it'll just be something to put some money in your pocket like you'll feel better about yourself so I was like I was like okay two weeks into the job my one buddy who's working with me too I get caught shotgunning high-necks in the walk-in freezer by the manager and he's like he's like dude you're done like you can't do this and I drink like nine harnacans like within an hour and I'm like I'm like oh no like my halfway house manager's girlfriend works here he's gonna find out I was like I'm in so much trouble now and I like told her I was like if you don't tell Chris like like I will go put myself back in treatment like no problem and then I call my mom like there's cockroaches in this halfway house in bokeh like I need to come home and she was like oh like manipulator you know being entitled to get so my mom my mom gets me like out of this halfway house within like two days I'm up in Westchester now at like another place not even like treatment I was just in like a halfway house like I did like a transfer

34:03and are you lying about your sobriety time saying you're still sober yeah my mom my mom moved me up there thinking I was six years six months sober so like my mom had no clue like did you feel it though did you feel it deep down like you were being deceitful to your mom at that point or no you were you just so caught up an active addiction and I honestly I honestly didn't care you know I was like if I get home that I'm gonna be around the people that I want to be around like the people that do the things that I do yeah I mean and I was living in like brumel and like Delaware County and like it's not like the best area you know what I mean like you got those like obnoxious Philly people you know but I mean like I like being around those kind of people because I'm from there but most people who like go there they're like oh how could you be like this but as soon as I got there you know I stayed for like three months and as dude who lived in the house his name was like Eddie or something and he was like he was like I got an apartment he was like he was like if you want to move in when they're like you can and my mom my mom slipped off like she oh she didn't really slip up like I was just a piece of

35:06shit but she gave me $1,200 for my rent like she sent me like a like a zel so like I woke up and like I'm talking to that girl that was like up here and like she's like in love with me and I just want to do whatever I want to do you know and she's like a big part of my story now because then like I move into this guy's house like I leave the halfway with no I'm like I'm going and then I have like $1,200 and then I was working landscaping so I had like $2,400 to my name and something with the girl didn't go right you know like she caught me like messing around with the girl down here like they started messaging each other on Instagram I'm like damn like I'm I'm caught now and I don't want to face the reality of this and next thing you know I booked a flight to come back to Boca and like live with the FAU girl and that lasted like that lasted a month and then I met like some girl in treatment who you know like we were just friends and she was

36:06living in Lantana and she was like using meth and getting high push your limits train with precision see the results at Equinox that's high performance loving everything you need to lock in and unlock your potential at Equinox start today at Equinox.com ultra running shoes are all about space the space to go further to feel better to do something you never thought possible and this space starts with ultra fit unlike traditional running shoes ultra fit gives toes more room to move naturally so every step is strong balanced and comfortable whatever you're leasing up for stay out there with ultra shop now at ultra running.com that's l-t-r-a running.com choose like you can stay with me for a couple days and then it ended up like me being on the beach like homeless down here for like three days and then I called my mom I'm like okay I'm ready like I'll stop being a bad boy like I'll just bring me home like I don't want to be here

37:10and again like she bails me out I go home I would go back to like another treatment and then I'm in halfway again at the same place that I screwed over and then you know I did like I did like five months and then I kept telling my mom I was like I needed I was like the reason why I did all that is because like I didn't have a core like I was taking septa bro yeah I had like every excuse your mom should have just hung up on you dude yeah see you fend for yourself yeah she she got real fed up with me and then I was there for like five months and then she helped me she helped me like with a down payment on a car so I got a car and like I was kind of like on the outside it looked like I was doing good what year is this this is like 2019 okay maybe 2018 the end of 2018 I think 2018 yeah and then I so I get it like my mom helps me like move and do an apartment and I start being a mechanic at like a tire place so like I started making a little bit of money

38:14um and like I was doing good and then I moved into this apartment with some dude I moved in the halfway house and like he was like a really bad alcoholic and like the first like two weeks I stayed sober and then like I saw that I was like well I'm gonna smoke weed like I'm not that bad and like at that point I'm like 2021 so like I'm watching someone who like really has this disease and then like I'm then like it made me believe in my head like I don't have this issue anymore are you comparing yourself yeah that was like I'm not as bad as him yeah that was another big thing for me was comparing people's yeah addictions like I don't have a needle in my arm so like I can't really have this or I'm not drinking like these people um and then my mom kind of gave me like an ultimatum she was like you can go to trade school or you can keep working where you're at so that I went to a trade school I graduated from trade school yeah um like as a mechanic I got like forward certified I started working out a forward dealership um and then I started making like decent money for myself uh the whole time I was like just smoking and drinking but like it was not

39:15like getting out of hand where my life would like I would consider it unmanageable yeah you thought you had it under control yeah and then like I I got back with that girl from up there and like she had a kid now you know like and you know she's staying at my apartment but she's living with baby dad so like I'm in a toxic thing right there uh the girls are you're downfall man yeah so like so then like she you know like everything was good and then she like went out I was at like my best friends wedding and she went out and like she cheated on me basically even though she's cheating on someone else at the same time and like she like face time to me and I could tell like something bad happened and like she admitted to it and then she admitted to like four other things prior and it like broke me and my first instinct was I know how to fuck and cope with this and that's getting high um because I have my medical card up there like I was I was doing like 3000 milligrams of like THC like RSO like that syringe you put in your mouth it's just like straight

40:20wax that you're putting in your mouth that just gets you high and I so I was doing that and then I started hanging out with buddies that I used to do coke with and then I was just like you know what like this is going to be a once in a while thing kind of uh COVID happened and then a lot of drinking started picking up like I remember like I didn't even care about food in the fridge like when I heard there was a shutdown my worry was like let's go put like five five like 30 racks in the fridge so at least I have beer did like deal with myself really so all right there's a lot of chaos a lot of my manageability bouncing around enabling entitlement yeah so let's go when did you start going to Kensington what year was that so that was so I moved to Kancho Hocken because I was working at an out outie dealership and Kanchi and like I was making way too much money as a mechanic has a like six grand paychecks and then I was like oh like this is bad for someone like me you know what I mean like I was making

41:21two grand at at Ford every two weeks and then I went to six thousand yeah really quick and then I was like well now my funds are a little higher um and then I met some guy like at a bar and you know like he had good stuff and then I was like I was like always hitting him up like eight ball every day like eight ball eight ball eight ball and he was like he's like dude like you're kind of like messing me up because like I can't I can't make as much money as I would sell in a gram to someone as I am an eight ball a day to someone and then he was like he's like I got a guy's number but you got to like you would have to reach out to him and like you know kind of work on like what you would do with him and I was like all right like give me the number and then I'm like messaging some dude on Snapchat and then I see the address and it was Kensington and I was like like and I've heard like when you're from like that area you hear about Kensington and you hear the stories you see the stuff on Instagram and then I have like no defense against it I was like

42:21Kensington it is like I didn't even like hesitate I was like getting the core and get there um and then when I get there you know like I have my haircut like this and you know like I didn't look like on the outside I look kind of like you know like respectful kid you know a cop a cop that's what he said to me he was like he was like you look like a cop and then uh he had like a line like like a mountain of a line and he was like do it now or I shoot you you know I was like he was like you don't got to tell me twice brother and I just and I just do the whole thing and he like looked at me he was like gringo and I was like I was like dude you're not going to throw anything at me that I can't handle like like I'm like I'm about this you know what I mean so um I did that and then you know we kind of made like a deal you know I would come on Sundays and you know like I didn't have to text him anymore I didn't have to call him anymore just show up at the right time and I'm good and uh you know like he basically served me for like an eight ball of day and like I'm not sleeping like I'm miserable um and like at one point you know

43:24like I'm you know like I broke up with that one girl and I'm and like I hop into another relationship with somebody who's like a great human being uh and I thought like you know like now that I'm with somebody who's like stable and you know not playing games with me and like once something serious like I'll be good and like I couldn't even figure it out then you know and she like stuck by me through like all the lying all the drama you know because like when you're doing cook like something bad's happening every day there's not like a day when you're doing any drugs yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and like that well I was so manic too um that like people were like what's good with you you know what I mean and like I have mental health issues as well like I've been diagnosed with bipolar like really young um but like if I'm doing boy I'm not taking meds you know what I mean like I want like I used to thrive in chaos like I feel like when I was like King chaos I was like happy you know what I mean but like I'm destroying this poor girl and I remember like it was like maybe like 20 20 24 like in October like I called her one morning

44:29and I cried and I was like I was like I think I have a drug problem again because she knew about the situation like in the past but you know the way I presented it to people was you know I was just a stupid kid you know you were young I was young and uh and at this point like my mom's not really helping me with anything because like you know like I'm making the money um but so I call her and she was like she was like Ty like you just need to go back to what you were doing and just like stop doing this stuff and I was like I was like you're right like done you know what I mean like I'm done and then that next weekend like I invite like one of my buddies over and uh we did four eight balls within two days and like at this point I'm like okay my habits getting strong so and I'm making all this money in my credit score at the time was 780 so like when you're making like almost $12,000 in a month and your credit scores is 780 credit card companies tend to like you pretty pretty well and so I opened up one with discovered for 10 grand I opened up one with city

45:31for eight grand while as far go for eight grand and then I max all these cards out within like three three months because then I'm using the card to gamble you know I'm doing anything I can't did like get out of myself are you doing cash advances on the cards yeah I would put the 24% we're gonna charge you I'm like I don't give a fuck just give me the money yeah yeah so like I cash it like and then once I cash advanced everything I would use the rest of the money for you know whatever else shady thing I wanted to do if that's like you know I'm gonna put $700 on fan dual so I can and then like I would tell myself like I'm gonna put like all this money in like roulette or blackjack and the money I make I'm gonna pay off these credit cards like that's what like that's what I was telling myself at least and they could never happen but then like the cocaine's like sticking around and then it's like you know the end of 2025 and like things are bad between and you 2024 because you get sober in 25 yeah 24 and then so in 25 happens you

46:32know like I'm still using in January pretty bad you February's bad you know I finally got fired from my job because yeah because they caught me like falling asleep like in someone's car like scanning a car for codes and he was like dude like I can't I can't keep you you know like you you did good when you first started here but I don't know what's happened and I like I wasn't gonna admit like you know it's because I have a drug problem you know like it was like oh like we got slow like it's a slow time of the year like and like all that was kind of bullshit it was like I couldn't even you know I couldn't even keep my hands like from not shaking all that you know like I'm running out to my car once every 30 minutes ago like get high again and oh god and it was just bad and then so I lose my job and like I wanted my ex to like move to Philly with me to help me take on all the responsibilities of these bills and she was like she's like I got older parents and like they live in Jersey like you like you just lost your job there's tons of places down here like where we lived

47:39in Jersey there was like a whole street filled with like there was like 15 dealerships so I was like it's like damn it like I can't I can't be like oh I have a great job like you have to come to me um so like I moved I got a job down there but even like getting that job was like the hardest thing ever because I was doing so much cocaine like I was drug testing myself because like I can't go pee in a cup knowing I'm hot for coke and I I failed for coke for like 16 days great and I didn't do it and then she was getting upset with me she was like she was like I'm nervous like we're moving in together we're taking a huge step together and like we're going to CVS right now to pick up a drug test for cocaine and I was like it's not as bad as you think you know like I'm trying to play it off just so I can get to the next phase uh and I really thought like if I moved to Jersey my issues are gonna go away and like where I wasn't Jersey like I'm even technically closer to Kensington than I was in in contrahoccan yeah um and then we move in together

48:40I started working because I got that job um I wasn't making anything close to what I was making so I was like damn like this is gonna get bad um so then like the one night I'm on fandall uh and like I don't even remember what I did like I was drunk but I accidentally put like $400 on a number and I hit like big and like I remember like I woke up the next morning and I see $13,000 on my fandall account and I'm like oh my god like we're set you know what I mean like we're good like we're really good um right away it's I'm doing coke again like and I was there I was like at the house for maybe a week being like a good boy and then I was like we got money we're back to running and like the whole time these credit card companies are trying to find me and like I'm just dodged them like a bad habit yeah um well how do you all right go to when you eventually because it's it's close here now it's the beginning of 2025 February-ish yeah take us to how you actually

49:41end up getting so over so I went to I went back to Karen in like the end of July in 2025 and uh you know I I went through detox and you know I was with like a really good group like I was on the relapse unit they have like a unit for people who've been to treatment a couple times so you're not with like first-time people who you know maybe struggling with the acceptance thing it's like we're all here because like we're we're drunk so we're drug addicts like there's no kind of debating thing and most of the guys there like they were like older than me but they were like I've had six years and I had a beautiful life like I had five years and I had a beautiful life the one dude had 20 years and he was like he was like he's like I don't even know how the hell I'm back here you know what I mean and like I was like one of the younger guys there was one other guy that was younger than me uh this is July 2025 okay so you're so then you're coming up on a year uh oh no that's 2024 I'm getting so my sobriety date is February 17th 2025 got it okay I'm like dude yeah yeah yeah I'm all over the place but all right so 2024 yeah you gotta care yeah 24 on that Karen um and

50:46I like did 30 days but like you know my my ex is at home um she's by herself and I'm like I have to like like my my therapist was like you should do PHP and I was like I was like she's at home by herself like I can't leave her for two and a half months to focus on this like I have meetings at home like I can do an IOP uh excuses yeah yeah so um I I basically like my mom was like I thought you were doing PHP and I was like I'm not doing that like you're not in charge like I'm not I'm not an adolescent anymore and I'm not on your insurance anymore where you get to make the calls you know like I make the calls I make the decisions and I remember it was like two days left at Karen and like one of those ideas like creep to my head like we're gonna get high and um didn't tell nobody because like I already committed to like I was very stern on like I'm not doing treatment I'm done doing out drugs and alcohol like I I slipped up like at my family because I was like I don't plan on doing drugs like right away like I said that and my mom was like what you guys are

51:50sending him home he just admitted he's gonna get out and they were like like we can't keep him you know um and then I went to you know I met Lauren who was on the show here and then um Lauren Caffney yeah I went to I went to their PHP and Jerry and um in the whole time I was there I was so like Lauren I mean there was like a grown-in Lauren and there was a girl named Miranda who like those two when I was there just accept to me for where I was at like in my like that was like huge for me because I was like okay like some people actually do you know understand like and dude my mom had cancer like breast cancer when I like got out of Karen like I found out and like right away when I found that news out I was like okay this is this is like this is a reason to get high you know um and then eventually I did um but you know and I my mom's going through surgeries my mom's going through like all the treatment with cancer and like I could care less about you know what's going on with my mom and like from like February to when the Eagles won the Super Bowl

52:53because like I told my ex I was like I'll go to treatment once the Eagles win the Super Bowl so like I'm sitting on the couch watching the Eagles win as they always do and then get the fuck that in there and then I uh garbage and then I so I watch and then I'm like I'm like just take me to the hospital and uh I have like a brilliant idea like while I was on the couch if I go to the hospital and I say I'm having a crisis they're gonna put me in the psych unit and I'm gonna get out of an all day so for four days I'm getting high on out of them all right take us to February 16th 2025 how do you get sober um so so it's kind of like that week kind of was just like the biggest rock bottom of like my like whole existence like you know like my so like I did that four days in the cycord and I came out like I do like when I was in the cycord that last day and I knew I was getting discharged this thing in my head was like you have to go get high you have to go get high and it was like the first time in my addiction where I was like like holy shit like my head is going so much faster than

53:56it usually does so like my ex is at the parade and I'm driving two hours now because I don't want to go to the cartel guy I'd have found somebody else and he was like two hours away in PA and I'm like giving him my laptop I'm giving him all my belongings so I could get high for the weekend and he gives me all this stuff for like three days worth of a bender and you know it was my last night with my ex in my house and like dude like I experienced like a cry like I've never cried or I've never fell in my entire life like me and her were like just like laying in bed and like it was like the first time like I realized like somebody was like actually scared for like my well-being and all she kept saying to me was like I just want you to be okay like I just want you to be okay and like that was like killing me on the inside like like I went to the bath like she fell asleep at like like I had a flight at 5 a.m. and like I was like calling like the treatment center in Georgia that I went to and like I'm doing lines like as I'm on the phone with them and I was just like I need

54:58help like please just help me like here's my insurance like just send me a picture if it looks good like I'm on board like you don't have anything to worry about like I'll get on the flight like I am so done and then they're like your insurance works like we can get you here tomorrow and you know my dad like drove me to the airport and you know I remember the last time I saw my ex and you know I remember like just as soon as I turned my back like I cried like I never believed because I was like I know deep down inside of my heart like this is probably the last time I'm gonna see this girl you know like I like in like she like even in that in bed that night like she told me how hard hurt she was and how like broken she was and she was like because like I was always asked her like even when I was like why can't you smile anymore she was like dude I can't like I'm watching you like kill yourself here and that would kill me like break me down to like a whole another level and then like my dad dropped me off at the airport and like I went just went up to TSA and then

56:01like I like went to feel my wallet and like I have the two grams in my pocket of coke and I went to the bathroom I got cracked out and then I went to the airport and I was at a bar at like 7 a.m. and I'm drinking tall ablways and the and then the bartender was like dude life's not that bad to be drinking like that and I was like you know what I'm going through like shut up and pour you know and then I got the treatment and like the first like 30 days it was kind of like the entitlement was still there like you know I still have the girl when I leave you know I'll still have you know I still have my mom I'll still have like yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that's it and then like I told you like you know I had somebody in the facility they were like are you ready to go home to get high and that was like my first like it was kind of like a god moment looking back on it now because something clicked in my brain like you you you are going to go home and get high like you know so he was like you don't have to do that like you can have a beautiful life and everything you're struggling with could be fixed you know and you're but you're going to

57:03have to fix it like mom can't fix this like mom money's not going to fix this like mom can't fix it that was your first break from mom I love it and he was like there's only one thing that's going to fix this and that's you in a in a higher power and I was like like and like I told I like screamed at him because like you know like I tell you but he was right and that's what made me the most upset that like somebody finally like called me out and so then I hopped on a plane down here and I went to Tamarack Florida for my PHP and um you know I for like for like me and my ex like we broke up probably like on like while I was flying down here so like she was like she's like I can't put up with this like I want you to just go focus on yourself and take care of you which was probably like the biggest act of love like anybody's ever done for me it was just like just please take care of yourself like stop worrying about me um and then when I got to treatment

58:03like like the whole staff was like how are you handling the breakup and I was like I don't care you know I don't care um and then like day four I don't know what happened when I went in the van to go to group but like I walked in and I just like broke down and I like finally cried for the first time like since I got sober at like 40 some days and I was like crying to like Deena the clinical director I was like like I ruined everything like and she was like so it's finally your behavior is finally hitting you like this is the first time you've actually grown since you've been with us is like breaking down crying telling us where you're actually at and I was like I don't know what to do like I don't I don't know how I'm gonna fix like and she was like look dude like you don't have to fix anything right now like just focus on a day and like everything will get better you just got to stick with the course and uh I was like I was like I'm gonna trust you like it was like the first person I trusted um in my in my treatment program kind of was was Deena and then

59:07my case manager like this woman saved my life um her name was Brandy but like any like all the issues I had with case management like nothing was too hard for her she was like come to my office we're gonna take care of this what are you stressed about today come to my office we'll take care of it if I needed like extra like therapy come tell me what's actually going on um and like I just used her in Deena kind of like they're basically like like like Brandy's like a couple years old so she was kind of like my big sister down here and then Deena was like my mom down here like like if you need anything you text me you call me like they both gave me their phone numbers because like they knew like I was broken and like I kind of like when I like cried for the first time that was finally like me like let him go of everything that you know all the chaos and all the hurt and all the pain that I was going through um and I finally started opening up to like how badly that one relationship with the girl who cheated on me affected me and like that was because like you know like I felt

1:00:09abandoned I felt neglected I felt like I wasn't good enough like anything I did wasn't good enough and I carried that on for like a long time and it was like the first time like I was like okay like I'm not being like a little bitch about it like I have feelings and you know but it's crazy like when I got sober I was like I'm feeling all these feelings and I'm not like numbing them out some way so like I was like an emotional wreck for a while what did it feel like though yes you were an emotional wreck but what did it feel like to actually face those feelings without a mood or mind all during substance I mean dude it was it was like hard it was really hard to just be like you know life sucks right now you know but um and like it was great because I didn't have anything to numb like I just had to sit with it and um it kind of sucks because like I did like a mental health treatment this time it was more primary mental health which was good for me because like you know like my medication needed to be adjusted and stuff like that but um it was it was hard um but you

1:01:11know like when I would get honest and just tell people where I was at I would feel like more relief than I did when I was like trying to keep you know the chaos going um because like that dean a lady she was like why are you gonna get off the margo around bro and I was like I was like I was like I just feel like when I'm in control things need to go my way and she was like well you're not in control like I'm the I'm the boss of this facility like I'm in control that you've right now when I was like I was like damn that sucks you know so you surrendered I gave up right there you gave up you surrendered but also to tie back to those feelings that you were feeling for the first time sober you got through them yeah yeah got yeah it was a rough roll of coast or whatever but you fucking got through them that's the most important thing and then once you go through it once and it's easier the second time and it's easier the third time yeah I mean like the staff there was just like like even like some of the texts there like they like like the one tech he would literally like basically hold me up from my cry and because like I was so hurt about how I treated my acts and stuff like he would literally like dude there was one night where his shift was

1:02:15over to 11 and he stayed out the facility until 230 in the morning to listen to me cry and like you know he didn't and he told me like later on he was like I clocked out when I was at most do but I didn't want to leave you you know um so like I had great people like in my corner that you know for once I was like dude shut up and listen and just let these people do their job um and that was like the big part well it sounds like they were giving you unconditional love yeah like something that I didn't think I deserved especially throw them everything that I've done like I didn't think I deserved someone to like love me or care for me like they did you know so let's go into the mental health aspect you said you were diagnosed with bipolar at a very young age you know a lot of people you removed drugs and alcohol and then you're left with this um what was the process like for you of recovery from yeah yeah yeah so like I kind of have like two recoveries that I kind of got to do it's like my mental health stuff and then I got to do my addiction stuff I mean it's kind of similar

1:03:15like that's kind of why I chose like mental health to go to this time because I was like every time I go to substance abuse it's like we focus on substance abuse so much but then my mental health is neglected um so this time it was like going up to the doctor like this is what's going on in my brain today and like when you're bipolar and you're coming off drugs like you're you're crazy ideas are like coming in like hot like hot off the skillet like this is what's going down this is what's going down I'm gonna do this I'm gonna do that and then it's like but like this time it was just learning how to pause you know just take a deep breath um like the biggest coping skill for me was like playing the tape throw um it was like you know if I do this this is what's going to happen this is going to be a result of this um but like I said like even even like in my sobriety like like 90 at 90 days like like six two months like I moved out of like the PHP uh it was like 67 days I moved out of PHP and I moved into a halfway house with like my buddy who I knew when I was down here the first time like he stayed sober and he opened his own halfways um and like he

1:04:17gave me a bed like he held a bed for me for a month then you know like I'm grateful that he did that for me because that place like changed my life um but at 90 days like I I said I said screw this I'm not taking my meds and uh all my all like that you know like it takes time for like medication to like keep working but then when you like cut it cold turkey and then like people at the facility because I was doing IOP they were like why are you acting weird like what's happened since you moved moved to and like I went tell nobody and uh the one day like I broke down to that brandy lady I was like I was like I hate my sponsor I hate everybody like I'm miserable again and then uh she was like she was like yeah well this isn't going to be fun dude like you screwed everything up you think you know 90 days of taking meds and being sober is going to fix everything and I was like I was like well I feel like it should and she was like you're so entitled like like this isn't how this works and she was like you're on God's time now you're not on your time and then I was and then she introduced me to my sponsor now and uh like he he he changed the

1:05:22game for me the broke like he you know like he took like I was the most angry person like in a meeting for like the first I would say like six months I was just angry all the time and you know like he's inviting me to his house so I'm probably making him uncomfortable with how angry I am and he's just trying to read the big book with me yeah and he told me he told me like a couple days ago he was like you were so angry dude like it's crazy like because like I wouldn't smile you know like I've just be like you pissed me off like yeah um so like I just like focused on you know um taking my meds every day and like because I used to feel like bad like oh I gotta take meds because I'm different but like like at this point it's just like who gives a shit you know so entitlement and service work are never in the same sentence so what are you doing today to serve others because we were both in recovery you have to in order to keep what you have and achieve long-term sobriety you have to be helping other people yeah so um I mean now at this point in my recovery you

1:06:26know um like service is kind of like the biggest part of it um even in halfway like I got an opportunity to be the halfway house manager so I was watching over like 14 guys I mean it wasn't really like being a service but I mean like if I could give somebody a ride there I did I'm the toss if I gave if you know if they didn't have food because a lot of guys they don't have money for food and uh I at the time you know I was on food stamps and you know if I could give them like pasta Roni or like a cup of mac and cheese like I'm I'm doing that you know um like anything I could do to help somebody because like I knew like in my situation with my family like I was so fortunate for so long to have everything I wanted and then I saw like people who did didn't have like the childhood I had and I was like damn like I'm I'm I'm really lucky to have like the gratitude um the family I have you know like because like I I just thought it was like me me me me me and then like this time you know I mean I have I have a couple of sponsors right now like yesterday's like my day with them you know because I'm off on Tuesdays and Wednesdays that's awesome you allocated day to your sponsors good for you man yeah and I mean like the cool

1:07:31thing about that is I mean like some you know yesterday like it was kind of cool I mean like it sucks but like my one of my sponsors is his first time like getting sober and you know he tells me every time he calls me he's like I'm good you know I'm good and uh I said to him yesterday I was like what are you gonna tell me the truth like you're that because I know things aren't good you know like you're 70 days sober 90 days sober things aren't good and he was like he was like well like I I experienced like my first relapse like a friend relapse and I was like I was like well this is like kind of good because you know like you're experiencing like emotions and you know like that's like the that's the beast of addiction you know like we're good there's gonna be relapse you know um with other people yeah and like it's hard on people to watch that and you know it's like a little discouraging or like people think like oh I gotta do the same thing like you really don't you know and like I've been really like kind of harping on this guy like you know make sure you're calling me every day uh because we're doing like one through three right now and like when I do

1:08:32that with sponsors and stuff it's like these are like the pillars like you know like this is like the foundation to our house right now and like every day it's gotta be you know my life's unmanageable if I could put it anything in my body you know like I tell my sponsors like when we're reading and when I like when we're doing like bill story and I was like just know like every time he says the word I he's being selfish and that's you yourself you know and I kind of harp on like the little things that my sponsor harped on me about which was you know pray to God help others call other people like um and like my like I have a couple that I've like relapse before so like they kind of know the deal a little bit but um you know it's just the the one he's like first time to but it's cool because yesterday was like the first time we read and I could see something starting to click in his head you know I mean like that's kind of like the rewarding part of like being a sponsor or like helping somebody is like you get to see things click the lights turn on yeah for like yesterday like I mean I get sucks like he had somebody relapse but you know that helped wake him up a little bit

1:09:34of like the reality of like what's slacking in a program will do because I told him I was like dude you're talking to mr relapse mr entitlement like if you don't just do the simple things you know like the drink follows and I and I told him I like somebody said this to me it was like he says there's going to be a point in your recovery where there's a there's a drink or a bad temptation and there's you and then there's God and you got to put God in between that gap because that's sometimes not nobody's going to be able to answer the phone call and you got to have be able to rely on God and yeah um that happened to me like a couple times in my sobriety where it's like okay like I need to run to the bathroom and I need a pray and I need to get myself out of this situation as soon as possible um so I mean like that's like kind of the cool part I mean I I was a tech for a little bit at a treatment center and that kind of changed the game for me too because like it was like not a very nice facility like like I've only been to really like nice facilities you know what I mean so I never experienced what it was like to you know being like a place that's not that nice and that's the only option for you so like it was like one of those things where I was like always there for every client like people love to me there because you know

1:10:37like I would go out of my way you know like I'm not supposed to be giving you a red bull today but like damn right I'm gonna get you a red bull because you know what you're you're killing it today you know what I mean like anything I could do to like just puts a smile on someone's face when I was working there because some days like when you're in treatment it's hard you know like it's nice to have someone like listen to you and that's that's what was done for me this last time so like I treated everybody like they were like a brother or sister or like family because um you know that that's what was done for me yeah how is how's your relationship with your mom today well so I'm today yeah and your dad me and my dad still have stuff to work on obviously you know but my mom and me um you know like me and my mom could just talk you know like it's not like how like it used to be like hey mom can I get like a two hundred dollar cash app right now you were asking for shit if it's now it's like hey mom how was your day and I remember like when my sobriety change and I started asking my mom I remember like I was like eight months over and I started like finally

1:11:38like things started clicking like work started getting good and uh I asked my mom I was like how was your day because it was usually like my mom trying to check in on me see how I'm doing and she was like she was like what do you mean house my day like like it like it like it threw it through all of so bad that it's like like it's something wrong that he's asking me how I am for once and uh that was kind of like a big moment for me and my mom um by like me and my mom were like real close uh even like my sister like my addiction took my relationship away from with Jillian for a long time like she like because I would invite her to places to like kind of get the get the pressure off of me like pay attention to her don't worry about me so I could do what I want um like my sister's visited me like three times down here my mom my mom's coming in July to visit me again so um I got to go home for mother's day this year you know like last year I didn't get to because I was like in treatment but you know she told me she was like don't worry about mother's day like you're in treatment like that's the best gift you've ever given me it's just like staying sober yeah she must

1:12:39be really proud yeah because I mean like dude I was like a nut case so like when you like I can see it you have nut case potential it's funny like when people come on here and they're sober I'm like I can't picture you're using I can picture you're using yeah I wasn't like a fun I wasn't like I wasn't even like a fun person to get high with like usually people who got high with me they'd be like dude like slow down yeah like you're with me like like I had one therapist called me he was like he was like you remind me of Charlie Sheen and like you know most people would probably take offense to that kind of comment he used to take it as probably I was like I'm like Charlie Shee like that's cool um but um it wasn't really cool looking back on it but um yeah like today in my program it's just like help others and like trust god you know um you know I think like the big thing too is like when I started sponsoring people is kind of like when my program like change the most because it was like when I read like the big book with my sponsor um you know like the the words were there but like when I read it with a sponsor like the words of like a totally different meaning like the

1:13:42third the fifth the sixth time I've read it um and then like my my sponsor now like he he makes me like I still like even like I've read the big book with him but like I still meet with him every week you know like I don't change that routine with him like it was like a time when I moved out of halfway and I got my apartment where I didn't see him for like three weeks and he was like he's like call me when you actually want to start doing some more work again and uh because like I mean I was hitting meetings like every day because I started doing a 90 and 90 again once I moved out because I was like I got to dive in like I'm moving out alone um but I wasn't really doing it like I was meet with my sponsors but like I never worked on like my own thing so I've been reading uh drop the rock with him working on six and seven because uh my defects can still like kind of pop up even you know where I'm at in my sobriety now um so like that that that book has been like pretty key for me um even like when I wake up in the morning like I sit on the porch for like 30 minutes and just like a meditate and my phone's like on the island in my apartment because like I need that time with like myself and and like I noticed like even like there's like

1:14:45some days where I'm not perfect at doing that and as soon as I go to work and something little happens you know I'm triggered like way quicker than I would be if I'm like connected with God at seven o'clock in the morning for sure well Ty I want to thank you for coming on yeah I appreciate you coming out from Boyton yeah thank you for getting vulnerable with us and sharing the message of hope for the person who's listening now who is struggling and um you know you're you're making it possible for them to know that it's possible for them to to get sober so thank you for coming on and I appreciate you uh you telling your story thank you yeah I appreciate you push your limits train with precision see the results at equinox that's high performance loving everything you need to lock in and unlock your potential at equinox start today at equinox.com the most memorable gifts aren't found they're made. Zazzle is a custom marketplace where you pick

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