My Husband Won't Stop Lending His Mom Money

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app.

Start budgeting for free today.

Normal is broke and common sense is weird so we're here to help you transform your life.

From the Ramsey Network in the Fairwinds Credit Union Studio, this is the Ramsey Show.

Alongside the fabulous and comparable Jade Worshaw, I'm just kidding, that's a lyric, you know?

I'm sorry, from the Barbie movie, that's all I'm just trying to do a little shout out to

the audience is awake and paid attention.

Fabulous studio audience today.

Handsome looking group of people that we'll meet here in a little bit out there watching

in the lobby.

So let's get right to it, triple eight, eight, two, five, five, two, two, five.

That's the number to jump in today.

Sarah joins us in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

Sarah, how can we help?

Hey guys, so my husband and I keep on loaning his mom money.

She always pays it back to be fair, but then she asks again, and I'm starting to really

resent it, and we disagree on whether to keep helping.

And I just don't know how to go forward with my husband here.

Oh boy.

Obviously you don't want to, he feels he has to, is that a fair classification, okay?

And tell me about the last conversation that you guys had about this.

How did it go?

Well, it started because she asked for $7,000, I thought this was in the $70 range to be

completely.

I have the same.

No, no, no, no.

This is not some change.

Wow.

No, it's, it's always thousands of dollars, and I, I basically told him, like, listen,

for her piggy bank, and I'm tired of being her piggy bank, and she said, well, he says

that she never asks for frivolous things, it's always, quote, unquote, an emergency or

important.

Okay, tell me what the $7,000 ask was for.

Just, I think it was the transmission on her car.

And how often does this occur?

Is this once a year?

Is it every couple of months, and is it always, like, to the tune of, like, thousands of

dollars, or is it sometimes just, like, spot me to a couple of hundies?

No, it's always, it's always thousands of dollars, at least once a year, and it's sometimes

twice a year.

And she always pays it back?

She does.

Yeah.

I know.

I don't know, because I, this is all just my husband's word, but I think, I think it's

six months.

Yeah.

This is tough.

The reason I asked, because I really wanted Jade to lean in on this one, because you are

the wife, and this is tough for me.

I don't have any clear response, because the reason I asked about the relationship conversation

was, what had happened the last time we talked about it, and it, and you didn't give me

a lot of detail, but from what I'm inferring, he basically was like, well, it's not frivolous.

She needed a new transmission, and so in his mind, he's justifying mom's crazy.

He's on mom's side, and that's a problem.

And so she's, so I'm going to actually defer to you here, because this, and not to say

that a man can't inform this question, but I do think it's unique.

I want you to lead off here quite, could it be also with you?

I'm not sure what she does here.

I think that this is a classic, this is kind of a classic, leave and cleave type deal,

where the, the sun has to go, I love my mom, my mom made me.

She raised me, I have nothing but love for her, but if I'm forced to choose, and my

wife is not wrong, it's just a, you know, well, I think I think the husband's wrong,

but I'm just saying in his mind, in his mind, if he's, if he's seeing it as a, as a question

of preference, my mom prefers this, my wife prefers this, you got to go with the wife

every time.

Yeah.

And that's the question I have.

Quick, I don't want to totally interrupt your moment up, but I do want it, Sarah.

I mean, is he completely clear, if he were sitting right here with Jayne, would he be

completely clear that you've had it with this, or, or is he think you're just mildly frustrated?

What does he think?

I think I, he, he knows that I've kind of had it with us.

Okay.

Now, you said something earlier that begs a couple of questions from me, when I asked

does she pay the money back, by the way, that's neither here nor there to the question

of whether you should lend it, I was trying to understand his point of view a little bit

more so I can argue it.

But what you responded was, was interesting, you said that basically, as far as you know,

based on your husband's word, which made me think like, do you not have access into

seeing each other's finances?

Are you sharing finances, basically?

I mean, technically we do, but we do not have a joint-think account.

Okay.

So that, that right there, and I'm going to tell you right now, Sarah, I think we've

been getting more and more of these calls where what happens is you guys have not fully

aligned on finances, the philosophy of it, nor how we share our money, right?

There's still this kind of side business going on where we have, we have one account that

we put checks in, but we also have our side accounts.

What happens when you set up life like that is you, you, you actively pull yourself out

of being the decision maker with your spouse on every major financial issue, because you've

already said, we're not fully together.

And so that, I think, is why your husband is operating over here saying, ah, it's not

that big of a deal.

She always pays me back.

I'm not saying it's right.

I'm just understanding it.

That's good.

It's actually great insight.

It's a really good point, Sarah.

I hope you're hearing what she's saying, because here's where this goes.

You guys are going to have to have a mediator, and I think it's a marriage therapist.

Because to Jay's point, things have been so separate.

It's a total restart point.

But, and again, he just, he needs a completely new perspective, and you don't want to put

yourself in a place where you're threatening him, right?

And then making him make a false choice.

Now, if he was sitting here with me, I'd look at him straight in the eye and go, hey, bro,

listen to me.

You got it to me.

You got to, you got to choose your wife here.

You got to grow up, take the diaper off, the emotional diaper.

This is embarrassing.

I mean, I would just go straight at it.

He's not here today.

So we want to equip you.

But I think Jay's insight is absolutely phenomenally on target.

So because of that, I think you're going to have to have a marriage therapist to bring

you together, hopefully a skilled one, who is the middle ground, and could go, we do have

to reset.

Because I think he's operating like, what's the big deal?

Yeah, because you're the one who, and I'm not saying this in a wrong way, I think you're

absolutely right, Sarah.

But if you look at what the agreement was, right, if you and I say, here's the stakes,

we'll do this together.

And then you're the one who changes.

He has the right to be confused or wonder, well, what's the big deal?

And again, I can't stress this enough.

I believe you're right in wanting to not continue to lend her money.

But in that, that's not the bigger problem.

The bigger problem is we actually need to have full transparency on our money.

We need to be fully combined on our money.

And I agree with Ken, counseling is a way to start that new process.

And here's the ask, here's what you got to tell him.

You have to say, we have to do this.

We have to go to counseling, so I'll threat.

We have to go.

This is causing me to resent you and your mom.

I don't like it.

And I don't have the tools to convince you.

So will you please do this for me?

That I think that's your posture.

And you know, the context has to be reset because you guys are not on the same page.

Therefore, he's like, what's the issue?

So going to be tough, there's not going to be easy, right, right, right, right.

But Jayden, in this situation, there is no easy.

This has to be confrontation, and to your point, a full, blown operational reset.

That's a reboot.

Absolutely.

And then on the money front, what I see, honestly, just on the money front, it's only a matter

of time because she's not been a good, the mother-in-law has not been a good manager

of finances.

It's only a matter of time before she stops paying you guys back is what I see because

she's just not a responsible person with her money.

Oh, and be prepared.

And I don't want to judge her, but be prepared for a pretty nice blowback from mom, because

I believe she's either knowingly or unknowingly manipulating your husband, her son.

Wow.

That's going to be sticky and stinky, a words of scar.

Be prepared.

Dave, we got a lot of calls on this show where life happens.

One day someone's healthy, they're working, providing for their family, and then a curveball

hits.

We hear it all the time, a car accident, a cancer diagnosis, a heart attack, and suddenly

everything changes.

Yeah.

And that's why you've always said that having term life insurance from Xander is essential,

because it protects your family if the worst happens.

Yeah, that's right.

You need 10 to 12 times your income, in coverage, no gimmicks, no whole life junk, just straight

forward term life protection.

But there's another piece that people often overlook, and that's long term disability

insurance.

Yeah, it's important to understand the difference between them.

Life insurance steps in when you die.

Disability insurance steps in while you're alive, but can't work.

So it replaces a large part of your income, so the bills still get paid while you get

back on your feet.

Now, if your employer gives you free disability insurance, great.

Take it.

If it's discounted there at a better price, take it.

But if not, Xander can help you find the right plan, whether you're single or married,

it's not optional.

If you're going to be out of work for a while, then you need to make sure the money is still

showing up.

And that's why Xander is our go-to.

They make it super simple to get the right coverage at the best price, no pressure,

no upselling.

I've trusted Jeff Xander and Xander insurance for over 25 years, and so is my family.

So don't wait.

It's fast.

It's easy, and they could make all the difference.

Go to Xander.com or call 800-356-4282.

Select yourself, protect your income, protect your family.

We're going to go to Reagan next in Houston, Texas.

Reagan, how can we help?

Hi, so my husband and I, we're about 25.

We have two kids, and we are kind of living paycheck to paycheck when I feel like we shouldn't

be.

We're trying to figure out what's the best way to kind of pay down our debt as well as

still put money into the savings account and help, you know, have an extra layer of

cushion.

Okay.

Okay.

Tell me a little bit more about how much debt you have and what type of debt it is.

So without our mortgage payment, it's about $60,000, mainly credit cards, vehicle loans,

and some medical bills.

Okay.

How much of it is the car?

Our vehicle, so our, his truck payment is about 40,000 in mines, about 4600.

Okay.

So 40,000 is the total amount that you owe on his car.

About 4600.

Oh, 4600.

Okay.

I hear you.

All right.

I, when I look at this and you tell me, hey, we're living paycheck to paycheck, the number

one glaring obvious reason I see are, are the cars.

What's his monthly payment and what's your monthly payment?

So the car payment is $370, eight a month and the truck payment is about 600 a month.

There you go.

Yeah.

The difference wouldn't make if you cleared that out and had an extra almost $1,000 a month

in your life.

Uh, yes.

A lot.

And it's also, I think it's also daycare because we spend a little over a thousand a month

on daycare.

Yeah, daycare will get you.

But that's not something that we can really change right now.

The thing that we can really change and affect, uh, is this car payment.

Tell me about you guys's income.

What do you bring in every month and what does he bring in?

Um, so together roughly $7,600, um, I just got a promotion.

A couple of months ago, so our income went up and we had, we had to buy a vehicle.

I didn't necessarily have to be the truck, but, um, you know, right now we're trying

to figure out what's the best way to pay this down because I will probably need a car

here in a couple of years, maybe a year or two, um, because my car keeps breaking down.

Yeah.

So let's solve for that then.

I mean, what I would do, I mean, yes, you're right.

You have to have vehicles, um, to, to, to operate life.

By agree with that, however, when you're, you know, $60,000 in debt, clearing out 40,000

of it, which is a vehicle makes a humongous difference.

So if he sold that vehicle today, what, what could he get for it?

Uh, possibly 35, 40, so we just, we just bought it not to the bruh, even, even better,

even better.

You won't be as far upside down on it.

Give any money saved?

Uh, we have about 6,000 in our savings and about $4,300 coming within the next month or

so from our, our college scholarships we get.

So we're going to have access to $10,300 that is above and beyond your income and that's

coming quickly.

We already got six.

Well, are you familiar with our baby steps and how they work?

Yes.

So I purchased the book last year, so we saved up the money and we've been trying

to pay down the lowest amount of debt we've had or would you know, but if you're familiar

with the baby steps, baby step one is how much in the bank?

A thousand.

You got 6,000.

Is it 6,000?

Yeah.

So Jade, what is she doing with the five?

We got good news for you on this truck.

Let's roll through this.

Yeah, let's pretend.

Yeah, that you only get 35 for it.

Okay.

You've got the five to put with it so that that's a clean break right there.

And then to your point, if you've saved up 600, you know, if you've cleared 600 extra

dollars a month, theoretically, how quickly could you save for a cash car, right?

If you said for it for a split second, I'm going to pause the debt snowball and I'm going

to stack up some money as quickly as possible.

How quickly could you stack up five or six thousand dollars?

I think making 7,600 a month, I think you could do it pretty quickly.

So that's really the play here.

Anytime you have debt, I'm going to find out ways to clear it very, very quickly because

the faster we do this, the more motivated you're going to be to continue.

So in a world where you sell that car now suddenly, instead of 40,000, instead of 60,000

of that, we've got 20,000 and you've got more money per month to knock that out.

I think this is kind of like a win-win.

And then you have this $4,300 coming.

That goes towards your car fund.

Does that make sense?

How on a scale of 1 to 10, be honest with me, how excited are you about that solution?

I'm kind of in the middle.

I'm a little nervous because right now my biggest, well, not the biggest concern, obviously,

but my car is one because I don't want to have to buy two new vehicles and go into two

car payments again.

That's what I'm solving for.

So let me let's roll through that.

Hold on a second.

Before you roll through this, where did you hear that we want you to have

two car payments when Jay just spent a couple of minutes telling you how to get rid of the

only one you have?

No, I heard that.

I was just, it goes through my mind because we have really bad luck with vehicles.

And so, you know, I'm glad you're saying this.

I'm glad you're saying this.

Here's what I want to talk about.

So we gave you the advice.

It's normal to very, very quickly get very emotional about it, right?

Because we've had bad luck with advice or I'm sorry, we've had bad luck with cars.

Oh, you know, I have to think about how to tell my husband this.

Oh, my gosh, you know, what about security, right?

Your brain starts going through all those emotional plays.

So I want you right now to tell me the top three things that, Ken and I are going to

dismantle that in a completely logical, unemotional way.

How about that?

Okay.

Okay.

So first thing you said is we've had bad luck with cars in the past, Ken, what you got?

So if I, that's just life, right?

So this idea that you're stuck in this bad luck thing.

You know, you're not.

You're just a part of the human race.

It's a little bit of the human lottery, right?

I mean, you know, you go look at a mechanic, any mechanic place in your local area and you're

going to see a steady stream of cars.

Probably not a bad idea to go, oh, I don't have bad luck.

I'm driving an imperfect machine and there's thousands of other people in my zip code.

So I think it's mindset is how I would dismantle that and go, all right.

Now how do I prepare for or how bad luck?

Have better odds.

How do I make the odds better?

Well, I'm going to put enough money away that I can take care of a basic mechanical

issue and keep moving forward.

Is it a little bit of a step back every time?

Absolutely.

Sure.

Or you can do a lot of great research on the front end to make sure you're making better

choices than you've made in the past.

That's right.

Take longer to buy the next car, right?

Get it checked out by a mechanic by a car that has better odds, right?

Absolutely.

We could name the brands and you can look them up that can do much better.

I mean, I'm a guy right now that's got three teens, okay?

I got more cars than I had a ever thought that I would have owned, all of them used and

I'm driving a used car and I do the research and I get these things checked out by a mechanic

that I trust because I got two teens right now driving every day.

Yeah.

And I'll tell you what I do.

I have a Christian brothers in my neighborhood.

It's a local mechanic.

I'll bring when we're looking at used vehicles, you can bring them over there and they'll give

them a once over for you and check it out so you can feel good about the purchase.

That was the first thing.

Next idea that could be a potential issue could be what?

Just the idea of downgrading vehicle because other people see it.

Can you drive in a car that stinks?

Yeah.

Everybody saw you get a new vehicle and now suddenly you got in rid of it.

So I got to solve for that.

You drive around the corner.

If you're ashamed of the car and I've been there, okay?

When I first got married, I had a Ford Taurus, okay?

And it had no AC and one day on the way to work, the felt on the top of the ceiling of

the car just fell down on top of my head at a stoplight.

I was very embarrassed.

The dignity.

Lots of dignity.

It was very embarrassing.

I got home that night and I couldn't afford to fix it.

So you know what I did?

I got a staple gun out.

Come on, can.

Three shots took care of that business and then, but I was embarrassed.

So guess what?

I always had a good excuse or a creative way of getting out of driving anybody to lunch.

That was pretty creative.

Number two, if I had to go to a meeting, I pulled around the corner and walked and just

acted like there was no place to park.

Perfect.

There are some creative psychological things you can do to not be ashamed of the hoopty

for a season.

So I think that's kind of, I'm addressing that because I think that's part of it is our

pride.

The point is what we're suggesting, you are going to feel an emotional backlash immediately.

But I want to challenge you to work yourself through it because chances are, it's just

that first feeling of, because you don't know what's, it's fear.

It's fear is what it is.

You've never done something like this before.

You've never done something this drastic.

You don't know how it's going to play out, but we do.

We've been teaching this for a very long time.

Hey guys, George here.

Listen, 99 times out of 100 when people say, I don't know where my money goes.

It's not a math problem.

It's a behavior problem.

They're not budgeting.

Then they're shocked when their bank account hits triple zeros.

Well, here's the deal.

Winning with money is about doing the boring stuff consistently.

And that includes banking someplace that helps you stop guessing with your money, like

Fairwinds Credit Union.

They're not going to fix your habits.

That part's on you, but they do support people who are ready to take control of their money.

At Fairwinds, you get a high yield savings account with a great rate to help grow your emergency

fund, a checking account that won't nickel and dime you, and up to 10 free savings accounts

so you can organize your money on purpose.

Because when you stay disciplined, your money gets predictable, manageable, and boring in

the best way.

So if you're ready for a bank that helps you be intentional, open your smart bundle today

at Fairwinds.org slash Ramsey, and get the Ramsey B-Whear debit card to go along with

it.

That's Fairwinds.org slash Ramsey, insured by the NCUA.

Okay, folks, one of the best things to do for your finances is to have a really,

really good tax pro in your corner, to help advise you on the best moves to make for

your situation, maybe your small business, and if you've had some big life changes in

the last year.

So go to RamseySolutions.com slash tax pro, RamseySolutions.com slash tax pro, and these agents that you will

see there have been vetted by our team.

They're going to teach you the way that we would teach you.

And this is a good move if you've never done this before.

So do that, and you'll be better for it.

Eric is up next in Phoenix, Arizona.

Eric, how can we help?

Hey, how's it going?

Good.

How are you doing?

Yeah, you're back.

Pretty good.

So I'm going to bet a bit of a pickle.

My mom co-signed at least with my brother about four years ago, and he's in a lot of jobs.

He doesn't like to work any corporate, even though he had the opportunity to do so.

And now he can afford it.

And he wanted to get a rebuild, which he said, no.

So she's been asking for help to pay bills.

And so now the car is just kind of sitting, being used.

But we had asked her to sell it, but we, I mean, might have said some other siblings in

life.

But she doesn't want to sell it.

What?

She's kind of on the water.

So even if she does sell it, she won't get much for it.

Okay.

How much do you guys, well, let me say, how much does the mom and the brother owe on it?

About 20 grand left on it.

Okay.

What's it worth if they sold it?

You kind of ruined it.

Sorry.

You said somebody ruined it.

She ruined it or he ruined it.

He ruined it.

How?

He was using it.

Just wrecking it.

He just didn't take care of it.

Maintenance.

Yeah.

It's been wrecked a couple of times as well.

Oh, why are you calling?

The area is terrible because mom has asked him to help out.

And brother, because brother, he wasn't an accident last year as well.

He wasn't taking care of it while she's been going to rehab and then to video and stuff

like that.

Understood.

What could she sell the car for today?

Maybe 5 grand, honestly.

Oh, gosh.

It should be lucky.

Okay.

Well, this is, first of all, your brother is in a season of life where he is impersonating

a deadbeat.

Yeah.

Kind of.

The main reason she doesn't want to necessarily take it back to the bank or maybe just get a repote,

which I think is the best.

Well, repote is not an option, and we can talk to you about that, why that is, but continue,

continue on.

Yeah.

So even if she says she wants to get a house soon enough, which is, I don't know, I don't

know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Yeah.

So eventually she says she wants to get a house soon enough, which I've written things

she can't afford.

So the biggest thing for me really is just continuing to help feels like enabling.

Yeah.

I don't know how to approach her in a sense like, okay, in as much as we've been helping

this entire time, there's a couple things she could do.

What else have you been doing?

What else have you been doing to help?

It sounds like you've already been down that road.

It's mostly just bills and, you know, rent and stuff like that.

I've go to the home, but I just got married, so I'm moving out.

Is that because of the accident or that's just always been ongoing?

It's been ongoing, but more so after the accident.

And who's we?

I thought I heard you say we've been helping.

My siblings and I, my, I have a young brother and then I'm older.

Are your siblings that have been helping with the bills?

Are they all in the same opinion of you that you just said, which is, I feel like I'm

helping and it's enabling.

Do they have the same feeling?

Somewhat my older sister, yes, my older brother, I'm not too sure.

Okay.

He doesn't say much.

Listen, I, you asked a question and I'm going to answer the question that I heard and

that is, how do I approach her on this?

How do I handle this?

And this is you going, mom, I can't do this anymore.

Here's what you should do.

If I were you, this is what I would do.

And you lay it out and say, I'd sell the car because every day that she doesn't sell

the car, there's like another calamity that's probably going to happen to this.

And I feel like this entire car represents a lot of the calamity that your brother creates

and no one is willing to do anything about it.

And so I, if I'm you, I go to mom and I go, mom, sell the car today because we got at

least get five grand for it and at least lessons the debt by 5,000.

And then we have a $15,000 problem.

You got all these other financial problems that are more important in this stupid car.

So mom, here's how I'm going to help, going forward.

I can't help you financially anymore.

I've got to move on.

I suspect that you don't have the finances and the margin to be able to keep helping

her anyway without hurting you, true or false.

True.

So that's the conversation, mom, I can't even if I wanted to, I can't.

So here's how I can help, I'll be willing to list the car, sell the car, I'll be willing

to have a conversation with younger brother and grab him by the nap of the neck and

just absolutely as only a brother can lay into his butt with both hands and with both

hands.

Very well done Jade.

And you like use both hands, clapping on both ears.

OK.

Now here's the deal and that's a lay it out and move on and say, you got to help mom.

Yeah.

And I think all the siblings should unite on an intervention.

Outside of that, Jade, that's what I'm thinking of what, what else did I leave off the table?

What would you do here?

There's a part that can help relationally.

I think early on, if it's possible,

you said mom co-signed for brother,

which makes me think mom has better credit.

I wonder if she can refinance this and get him off of it,

so that at least you're separating that relational tie.

And then from there on, she can make whatever choices

she's going to make with the car,

separate from the brother.

That might un-money the waters just a hair,

as she decides what she's going to do next.

But other than that, I think Ken is exactly spot on.

I have nothing to add.

Yeah, this is tough.

So selling the car would be private sale?

Yeah, you're going to get the more money.

Yeah.

OK.

And what she can do, and you can advise her of this,

if her credit's all right, in the process

of getting him off the loan, when you're in there,

you can say, here's what we want to do.

We need a loan for the difference,

because ultimately, we're going to sell this thing.

So we need to get him off of the loan in the process,

and then we're transferring it to a personal loan.

And when she does that, if she wants to add a little something

to it, to get something in cash, that's fine.

But I think because of the nature of how much she owes on it,

she's probably, you know, she would end up basically

back in $20,000 of debt.

So I think the bigger part here is to get the brother off of it,

and then maybe, and I don't know what your lifestyle is,

but maybe that's the way you could help her out,

which is, hey, while you're saving up for your next vehicle,

I can help if you need a ride, you know,

in between the ubers that, in the bus rides that you'll be taking,

I can help with that.

Maybe that's something you can offer.

Yeah, and then we need a caution, mom.

You know, we're near buying a house, not even close.

Are you renting?

Is she renting now where you've been living with her?

Yeah.

Yeah, no.

She is not thinking about buying anything.

We got to get her healthy.

Do you feel like her long-term physical prognosis is good

or she can get back to work?

It's been better.

She's going to extend a little bit

because she's still in something.

So maybe by July, maybe she'll be.

What is she living off of?

Is there some type of a disability or insurance

that she's getting?

What's what's going on there?

Yes, she had taught me disability for a little bit,

and then she was pulling it,

pulling some out of her insurance.

I think life insurance?

Well, it makes you barred against that.

Oh, my gosh, mom.

Wow, okay.

Yeah, this is tough.

Tell me, and you can be vague,

but the nature of her injuries, how serious is this?

And how old is she?

Because I want to know really honestly

what she's going to be able to get back to doing work-wise.

It was pretty bad.

She got rear-ended while she was talking to that light.

And then she's around mid-50s.

So it's a pretty slow part of this recovery.

What was she doing beforehand?

What was her job and what was she earning?

She was doing a bunch of different things,

but at the time she was doing Uber as a psychic.

And then...

Okay, I think the ways that you can help her

are as following.

Help her get brother off the loan.

That's thing one.

Thing two is I want you to help her

with the career side of things.

We're gonna give you Ken's,

find the work you're wired to do assessment.

It's a book that'll help you

and there's an assessment inside.

Help her go through that

because it sounds like she needs to create stability

in her career or create a career

so that she can create stability.

And her finance is going forward.

I hope she's well, and I hope she recovers

very, very quickly.

And I would just add,

you siblings need to get together

and essentially fire this brother.

Yeah, from her life for a while.

Mm, mm.

This show is sponsored by Better Health.

I am here on this show

because some amazing women in my life,

like my mentors, my friends, my wife and my mom

because they invested in me.

They're all extraordinary.

And one of the common themes I've heard

from all of the important women in my life

is that between the responsibilities and expectations

that the world places on them

and the expectations they place on themselves,

they are under incredible pressure every day.

Women are often encouraged to overlook

their own emotional well-being,

to care for everybody else.

Therapy offers a space for women to learn

how to navigate those competing expectations,

learn how to set healthy boundaries,

and learn how to communicate what they want

and what they need.

To do that, I recommend BetterHelp.

BetterHelp is an online therapy platform

that matches you with a licensed therapist

based on your goals and preferences.

You can message your therapist

and schedule sessions right in the platform,

and with over 30,000 therapists,

they have the right person for you.

And if the first therapist isn't the right fit,

you can switch any time at no additional cost.

Your emotional well-being matters.

Find support in therapy.

Visit betterhelp.com slash ramsy to get 10% off your first month.

That's BetterHelp, at gelp.com slash ramsy.

[♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪

The ramsy show, question of the day,

is brought to you by Why Refi?

When your private student loans are in default,

your progress stalls out.

Why Refi helps you restart by refinancing default

private student loans into a low, fixed rate payment

that fits your budget so you can stop spinning your wheels.

Visit whyrefi.com slash ramsy.

That's the letter why, r-e-f-y.com slash ramsy.

It may not be available in all states.

Alrighty, then.

Today's question comes from Nicholas in Illinois.

He says, since I discovered your show last year,

I've sold my truck and almost all my furniture.

I've worked three jobs, escaped $35,000 of debt,

and now have 15,000 sitting in the bank, well done, my man.

My mom wants me to open a credit card

so I can go to Italy with her to visit my sister

without losing any of my recent progress.

Wow, I have the money to pay my way,

but she's insistent on me getting a credit card.

How do I explain to her that although that seems

like a smart move, it's really not.

Nicholas, my guy, you haven't told us how old you are.

So I don't know if you're 18.

I don't know if you're 35.

I don't know how old you are, but the answer remains the same.

I don't think you have to explain anything to your mom,

nor listen to her advice.

I think you can very politely say, thank you for your insight

and move on.

Yeah, this is a very perspacacious young man.

I don't know if I said that right.

That's a word I received.

What are you trying to say?

He's very, he's got good insight.

He picked up on this temptation issue.

Perspacacious?

Yeah.

Have you ever heard that before?

I like a good word.

It's like one with keen insight.

Yes, it is.

So this guy gets it, right?

So mom is playing the emotional game, okay?

And she's going, okay, I'm so proud of you son.

You did a good job, but I don't want you to have to use any

of that cash.

So let's just go to Italy and she thinks he's getting ahead

and she doesn't understand that it's a millstone around his neck

and he gets it.

She's projecting her.

She's projecting her fears on him.

Here's what you say, mom, I'm sorry.

This is my money, my life.

I don't agree with you.

Like, I disagree.

This is hard for young people.

By the way, you know, certainly late teens, early 20s,

mom and dad have so much influence.

These, by the way, this is a kid who respects his mom.

Facts, yeah.

So a question about it.

And so it's very, very hard where when you,

in your beginning to strike out on your own,

he clearly has on some level, certainly has with his money.

And then a parent comes in and says, do something.

And again, whether it's money or something else

and a parent makes a strong suggestion, yes.

It's really hard to go against your instinct.

Your whole life, you've tried to say, yes,

so you don't get in trouble.

And now you're in a place where you go,

that doesn't make any sense.

And I'm not really going to get in trouble,

except for if I do what mom says,

I'm actually in financial trouble.

It's really confusing.

And so I'm kind of expanding this

to our very large audience on this

to say, hey, young people, look,

when you finally figure this stuff out

and you agree with what we teach,

at some point you're going to have to go,

thanks, I really appreciate your insight.

I disagree, I'm not going to do it.

Here's why.

Well, do you even have to?

And they comfortably walk away.

But here's my argument.

Do you even have to explain why?

That's my thing, because my-

You don't have to do it, but-

Yeah, that's a credit.

Very good point.

So my answer to that is, he doesn't have to,

but I think it's expedient to do so.

In other words, you can honor your parents

and still say no.

That's right.

And I think in this case, I'm always going to say,

honor them once.

If they keep coming back, go.

I'm not actually going to have this conversation.

Okay, let me crack the door open

on another piece of this puzzle.

And you've got two older boys.

So I think that you're the,

what was the word to use?

Perspecaceous?

Yes, very good.

You have a perspicacious-

Oh, you're really leaning in on my words.

I appreciate it.

I'm just trying to reuse it for you.

Okay, so you've got two older boys.

How much, and we don't know how old Nicholas is,

how much of this is due to oversharing?

Because I know I got to the point pretty early on

where for my parents to know how much money I have

that I sold my truck that I got 15,000 over here

that I don't have, like that's a lot for a parent to know

for an adult.

That's a really good question.

I don't know the answer.

Could be, and I think it's a very good point

to say, you know, if let's say he's in his early 20s,

yeah, he doesn't need to be sharing all that information.

If mom says, hey, we want you to go to Italy, he goes,

all right, let me check.

Let me see if I can do that.

And he says, yes, that's a very good point.

In other words, at some point,

you've got to create your own financial independence

by not sharing all that.

It's just your business.

It's a very good point.

I, you know, it's been a long time,

but I don't think when I went to college

and I started working,

did you share that I was sharing with my parents

how much I had in the bank account?

I definitely did not.

I might say something like, hey,

I'm thinking of getting a new car.

I have 10,000 to spend.

What do you think I should get?

Like I might say something like that.

But to just, for them to just know all my business out

in the streets, like this guy here, definitely not.

It's a very good point.

Create a boundary there.

Let's go to Grace in Atlanta, Georgia.

Grace, how can we help?

Hi, I'm 29 years old.

My husband is 30 and we've been going back and forth

on whether we are ready to buy a house or not.

He believes we should save more money

before we can put down 20%

and have plenty of emergency funds after that.

But I think we're ready.

And what is your financial position?

If you're ready, what do you have to put down?

I think we have the 20% down.

I think his biggest concern is that I bought a house

during COVID, but that house is currently being rented

and though the mortgage is being covered

plus a little bit more, I have felt.

Oh, he's worried about taking on two mortgages.

Absolutely.

And I agree with you.

Why wouldn't you get rid of your existing mortgage

and put that money towards the down payment

and security on your family home with him?

Well, because at the moment is being rented

and it has been for two or three years.

When's the lease?

I believe at the end of this year.

Okay, that's what I would mean yet.

I would move into that house.

You've already bought a home and you got renters

and you have basically dodged a major bullet thus far.

Sounds like.

In other words, you're barely making enough

to cover the mortgage, yes?

Oh, well, the, oh yes, I think I make like $300.

Okay, that's a whopping $3,600 a year.

Whoo, Grace, you're getting rich on that one

and that doesn't include your actual expenses on set house.

Which if you hold it long enough,

you hold it long enough,

you will end up going in the negative in one year,

maybe two consecutive years in a row.

I am not negative.

I am positive that will happen.

And so if it's me, I'm gonna move into this house

at the end of the year

and now we're building equity,

you're already building equity,

which is great, but now you live in it.

I would not buy another house.

Well, I want to know, I want to know

about that current house.

What is the mortgage on it?

What do you owe every month on it?

You were the renter.

So we haven't, so we currently,

we do not buy a second home.

We are wanting to buy a second home.

I don't understand.

I'm talking about the current rental.

What's the mortgage on it?

Oh, I have 200,000 left.

Great. What do you pay every month?

Every month, 1,200.

Okay. And what's you guys's income,

you and your husband?

I get 100,000 every year and the four taxes

and my husband makes 130 before.

Excellent. Okay.

So even if you, to Ken's point,

if you, you know, after the lease is up,

renters are out, you guys moved in

or if you wanted to sell it

and get something that suits you guys's needs,

I would 100% do that deal in two seconds.

How much is that house worth?

About 300, maybe 310.

Okay.

So you walk away with 110.

How much do you guys have saved right now

for a down payment?

I have 147,000, but that includes.

No, no, no, don't give me that.

How much do you have that set aside just for a down payment?

Just for down payment, I would say 47,000.

And my husband about 15,000.

Okay. So we're separate finances.

We don't have time to cover that one.

We'll talk about that later.

I think you guys either move into that house

or you sell it.

And now you guys have about 200 grand.

If I'm doing quick math or just under 200 grand

to put towards another home, that's the play.

Yeah.

Not keep both houses, not create another mortgage.

And then, you know, play this roulette game of land lording.

And just to set the record straight,

what you're aiming for more so than the 20% down,

what you're looking for is for that payment

to be no more than 25% of your take home fee all included.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Tax season is coming up fast, which means a lot of you

are paying more attention to your money

and maybe realizing the holiday damage.

So if you're trying to clean up the budget

and start the year strong, cutting your phone

bill is an easy win.

With Boost Mobile, keep the phone you love

and pay just 25 bucks a month for unlimited data, talk,

and text forever.

No contracts, no traps, just predictable savings

that help you stay in control.

Switch now at boostmobile.com slash ramsy.

Restrictions apply.

See website for details.

Welcome back to the ramsy show in the Fairwinds Credit Union

studio.

I'm Ken Coleman-Jade Worshaw is alongside.

And Peter is on the line in Ottawa.

Peter, how can we help today?

Hi, how are you?

Good, how are you?

I'm doing fine, I'm doing fine.

I'm 23 years old.

And on time, I'd best manage a business.

And from seven, you know, trouble with it.

Well, actually, I'm having trouble with the decision

that I want to keep doing this.

Is it your business or are you managing it for someone else?

It's my dad's business that I've been managing hip

for like two years now, because he's not well.

OK, and so what is your dilemma?

I'm just stuck in a lot of debt that I don't know how to get out of.

And I don't know if I want to keep doing this.

The job.

On the other hand, I don't know what else I would do with myself.

OK, so I'm glad you share it that way.

So I'm going to do a quick analysis.

Tell me if I'm right.

It feels like our biggest problem is the 200,000 in debt.

The secondary problem is, I don't want to run my dad's company

the rest of my life.

That's the secondary problem.

Is that a good way of laying it out?

I do want to run it.

It's not that I don't want to run it, it is.

I don't know how to.

You don't know how to run it.

Yeah, because clearly I'm not doing that good of a job.

Oh, because it's a good self-awareness.

OK, and the company's not doing well?

It was up until my dad got really sick, like really, really sick.

And I had to take care of him for about two, three months.

And the company didn't run without me.

OK, and now where are we at?

We're at, I just had my warehouse closed out for three months

for non-payment of the rent.

And I just got it opened with some negotiation.

And how's our dad?

He's even better.

That's why I got back to it.

OK.

So that's part of my understanding.

But I'm leaning in here to say it sounds like you were doing OK

running it until you were the only caretaker or felt

you were the only caretaker for your dad.

And at which point you weren't doing hardly anything at all.

It doesn't sound like you were clueless

is that you were not present.

Is that true?

That is.

OK, so let me ask another question.

If you're back involved, and dad is not as sick,

and he might be well enough to guide you,

do you feel confident you can get this thing back on the tracks?

I am confident.

Is this a, I don't know how to put it on paper.

I don't know how to plan this.

You don't know how to plan.

And the reason I'm leaning into this is because this

is your sole source of income right now,

and you have a lot of debt.

So we got to figure out where you need to be spending your time

so you can make money because it's money and cutting.

And Jay's going to come in and walk you through where you're cutting.

But I'm trying to get an idea of what is before you

to where you can make money.

So one more follow up.

When you say you don't know how to put it on paper,

can you be specific?

What do you mean?

It's just how to manage the debt dynamic.

So I'm 200,000 total in debt, but 100,000 of it

is like a vendor debt, which I'm not worried about as I make orders.

I cut it in pieces.

Is any of this personal debt?

The other 100,000 is, it's not personal,

but it's like taken from family and friends.

OK, it's your debt, though.

It's not the company's debt.

It's not the company's debt.

It's my debt.

OK, and then the other 100,000 is the company debt.

It is not the company's debt here.

OK.

Well, OK, these are two different situations.

So that's a good for us to know.

What are you paying yourself for?

What are you getting paid?

Up until three months ago, I was paying myself enough to around 4,000 a month,

enough for my rent and expenses.

OK.

All right, I want to bring Jade in here because we got two lines of debt here.

One is the company's debt and one is your personal debt.

And that's where I don't know if it's, I'm sorry, but I don't know if it's going to be

different, but the 100,000 that's personal.

I took it to help the company.

I don't know if it's any different.

So you borrowed money from family and you personally borrowed the money from families

and friends to use that money for the business.

Yeah.

OK, so then it's all business debt.

I mean, OK, now we got it.

We get it.

It was all for the business.

Let me put it like that.

OK, so the only way to clear this is to bring in more revenue that can be converted

to using to pay off the debt, correct?

Correct.

So what do you see?

Do you see possibilities to do that?

I don't know what the nature of the business is.

What do you guys do?

It's a used clothing business.

I sort them into categories and ship them out of ship them out to Africa.

Oh my gosh.

It's in Africa.

OK, very interesting.

I know nothing about that world.

I'm going to tell you that straight up.

But I can tell you right here, the way to pay off debt is you have to have more money

coming in that can be used for that purpose.

So it goes back to Ken's question, which is, how suited do you feel to do that?

And more, the bigger question is, your 23, is this what you want to be doing with your life?

If not, we need to talk about that and how to offload this to the right person.

OK, the dilemma I'm in is I like to work.

I just don't like the stress.

OK, what's causing you the stress, the debt or the work?

The debt, the work, I'm good at the work.

I was working with my dad in high school.

So I'm fine with the work.

I was involved.

I was involved with it.

I know it inside and out.

OK, but let's go back and stuff.

Let's go back.

I appreciate that.

But let's go back and stuff.

You, at some point, needed to borrow, or you thought you did, rather let me stipulate.

You thought you needed to borrow $100,000 from family just to keep this thing afloat.

We're not even talking about the initial $100,000.

This company is not healthy, true or false.

Regardless of you being there and dad being there, somewhere along the line, this company

started taking on water in the form of debt because you didn't have enough revenue.

Am I right?

Yes, you are.

OK.

That would probably do to my bad decisions, but it is real.

Well, there's part of this.

I have just a logical technical question, really.

If you exit this business, if you say, you know what, I'm not suited for this.

I'm going on.

Will your dad and family view the $200,000 as money you personally need to pay back?

Or will they view it as that lives in the business?

And it's up to whoever or whatever goes on with the business to cover that.

How will they view it?

And how do you view it?

That's what I was thinking is the $100,000 that's personal.

That's going to stay with me regardless.

Even though it went to the business, just because you raised it.

That's going to.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The other $100,000, if I were to, you know, sell the business or other options, the vendor

debt is going to stay with the company.

See, I disagree with that.

If you are able to show the receipts, literally, of how that money was raised for the business,

I don't think that that's the case.

I don't think that that debt does follow you.

You're running this business and that's how you raise money right away, either way, my

friend, the only way out of those stresses, a lot of hustle and I, you're going to have

to get somebody else that helps dad.

You have gotten to take this company on your back, learn from your mistakes, go get some

advice from people in your world and you're going to have to take a real shot at this to

get this better.

But if in about three to six months, something doesn't turn around with your overactivity,

and we're going to have to shut it down, you got to know into hold them and know into

fold them.

Great song.

You should check it out.

I think it's a great lyric because I think this is your situation and you got to make

the decision sooner.

You're going to keep digging deeper.

If you're looking for a more budget-friendly way to save on medical costs and stay true

to your values, Christian Healthcare Ministries is a great option to think about.

CHM is not health insurance.

It's a health cost-sharing ministry, a biblical community-based way for Christians to share

each other's medical bills.

That means no enrollment deadlines and you can choose any doctor or hospital you want.

That kind of freedom is big, especially if you're self-employed between jobs or you just

need something that fits your budget better.

CHM has been around for decades, faithfully serving the Christian community, and many

members save hundreds of dollars a month compared to traditional health insurance.

And that margin gives you breathing room when you're working the baby steps and trying

to steward your money well.

And right now, CHM's offering new members a 50% credit towards their first month of

membership.

We've started at CHministries.org slash budgets and use promo code Ramsey.

That's CHministries.org slash budget and promo code Ramsey.

Hi, yes, I was wondering if my husband and I can afford to buy a new model wine Tesla.

Okay, I like these questions.

Walk us through the potential doubt.

What would be causing a lack of certainty?

My husband thinks I'm being careless and not thinking about our retirement, but I think we

have more than enough for retirement.

And I think we're oversaving.

It's time for us to actually loosen up the belt a little bit and enjoy life.

I like the sound of that.

Tell us how much is your nest egg.

Okay, so right now we have over one million.

It's spread out between our 401, our raw, our brokerage account.

We also have 11,000 emergency fund, 20,000 right now that we already saved up because we're

planning to go to Europe to experience Christmas market this November.

We don't have any debt except for our mortgage.

That's we still owe 380,000.

Okay, the value of the home is 1.5.

Okay, we have we have lots of equity and then

and then right now and we still owe car car for we still owe about 15,000.

We have another model Y, but my son, he's driving soon and I want to give him the old model Y

and bias and new model Y.

Got you.

And when you said over 1 million, is it like 1.1 or is it like 1.8?

Like how much over 1 million?

So 700,000 for pre-tax 401k, we have 129 on our Roth.

We have 200,000 on our brokerage.

And then 11,000 rainy day fund and the 20,000 for the truck.

Okay, so here's where I'm at.

I think you've done extremely well and I want you to hear that first and foremost.

You guys have really set yourselves up.

How old are you?

We're 47.

47 excellent.

Good job.

Excellent.

I think that you could be in a better position before purchasing this vehicle.

How much does a model Y cost?

Right now it's only for it's 41.

41,000 and what's you guys' income?

280.

Okay, so my biggest, I mean the glaring thing here is

why haven't you paid off the first model?

Why it's 15,000 for crying out loud?

I think because he says because of the interest is low.

Oh, come on.

It's the money.

Just put it in your, you know, just just waxing out our retirement and our Roth

because right now the market is we get a

box 14 to like 18% returns.

So you're going to do you consider yourself Ramsey folk?

Like are you?

Are you?

No, I've been paying extra on my mortgage.

No.

Okay.

Take us back to the take us back to the show or the part in a Ramsey book where

where we would be okay with you not paying off the car.

I'm just curious.

Do you have a page number or an episode number?

I should reread the book again.

Yeah, you said we live by the note that except for more

Gage, but then spoiler alert.

It's not in there.

We're we're we're we're we're being hard on you, Diane.

No, I'm not.

I'm having a blast.

Well, my husband tells me what he wants to do is the 20,000 that we say that

for traveling is pay off the Tesla and we're not going to go traveling this year.

Okay, great.

I've been saving I've been saving for so long working over time to really go on that trip.

Well, here's the thing.

I think you can do I think you can do both.

Let me tell you how I think you can do both.

I think you have more money here than you think.

It's just how are we going to allocate it?

So let's go back to la la la la.

Okay, 20,000 saved cash over and above your emergency fund.

So yeah, let's say we take 15 of that.

We pay off the first model.

Why now we have 5,000 left and we keep that in our vacation fund 5,000.

By the way, how much is the vacation going to cost total?

15.

Okay, so we got 10 more to save.

Now tell me what do you guys bring in every single month again?

Take home 15,000, 15,000 a month.

And when is the vacate?

Yes, I'm planning November.

Thanksgiving.

Okay, got plenty of time to do that just out of your take home.

How much is your mortgage?

Payment, including taxes and insurance.

It's 2,900.

But where's the problem?

35.

There's no problem.

Here's what it is.

Here's I'm going to tell you what it is.

You guys have a very loose budget.

And so the 15,000 is going here.

It's going there.

It's, you know, you go out to eat.

You do a little of this, a little of that.

If you just got very intentional and said, okay,

and that before November, we need to save up $10,000,

making 15,000 a month and the only debt is your mortgage,

which is 2,000, should not be a problem at all.

The model right.

Oh, if we paid off the model right, I think it's okay.

Now when we start talking about the second model, why?

I don't know.

Is that, is that used or is that brand new,

the 41,000 that you quoted?

We're looking at brand new.

Okay.

What if you just said, hey,

instead of us taking the hit on an EV, by the way,

why not let somebody else take the hit

and buy one that's slightly used?

Sure, but I'm looking at the tax,

or the what I call that, the tax reduction.

If you, if you bought like no taxes on tax,

if you bought new cars made as a USA.

I don't even know, I'm going to be honest.

I don't know what you just said,

but all I'm thinking about is how you're going to be able

to have your vacation and your model,

why and not take a major hit on your used vehicle.

That's what I'm thinking.

Now you can go back into the math on whatever rebate it is

that you're talking about.

But in this position,

I would not advise you to buy this car

outright brand new in this position.

No, and I think the vacation's more important to you, isn't it?

Yes, I would like to build

good memories with my children while we're healthy.

Okay, now that's the mindset,

because I don't think you're going to listen to a word

we said about financial advice,

to be completely honest with you.

But if I can get through to you on this,

then I feel like I got a win for you.

So I think you've got to go, wait a second,

what's more important to me?

Because I can't do all three,

because I think you and your husband are on different pages.

Is that true or false?

Correct.

Okay, so.

Do you think since we hit our goal,

which, which was one time?

I think your husband's right.

I think your husband's right about everything,

except for the fact that he doesn't think you guys can save up

enough cash between now and November to cash flow the vacation.

That's where he's wrong,

but he's right on everything else.

So if I'm you and life is short,

that vacation is going to be something that you will look back on

the rest of your life,

you will not look back on this new model why.

Now you won't.

You just won't.

Because listen, I mean this.

This is not a disrespect.

Folks like you who love fancy technical cars

that drive themselves,

you get over cars like that because the newest models out.

Okay?

Guys like me, all I want are classic cars that no one can track

and they smell a little bit more than every other car.

And you feel every second of the road.

I don't give two craps about an electric car.

Never going to.

It doesn't feel like a car.

So here's the deal.

You buy that car and don't go on vacation.

You will regret that.

But if you cashflow your vacation,

pay off the model.

Why you won't have any regrets at all.

No, you may not believe me, but I'm right.

And that's the mindset.

Then what about what about for a car that my,

my son will should be.

I will be driving.

I think you can.

I think you can cash flow after you paid off.

I think you can cash flow.

Another vehicle, whether it's a model.

Why whatever another used to you,

but only secondary to funding that vacation.

Because the vacation is where your heart is at.

I think in the next 12 months,

you can do both.

Let me put it like that.

I think so too.

But vacation is the highest priority.

True or false?

Yes.

I really would like to go on Thanksgiving.

So then you got to give up.

So you got to, you got to get on hubs as page then.

And this is where we compromise.

And to Jade's point, you'll get your fancy electric car

down the road.

And let me also clarify.

Because how old is the boy?

The son?

He's turning 16.

Okay.

Can I just tell you you are the priority here,

my friend?

So if you pay off the model, why?

And it's not time for you to buy another one yet.

Guess who's driving it?

You.

That's a great.

You are driving.

It's your car.

He will be strong.

I drove a Fred Flintstone car when I was 16.

Like I had to stop the car with my own feet.

I had to accelerate by digging my heels in.

This kid doesn't need a model.

What are things?

I do have my old 2005 G30 car.

Great.

That my husband would like to get to myself.

But it has over 160,000 cars.

My car!

I drove a car that had 275,000 miles on it.

It was such a piece of crap.

Same car I'm talking about.

I can drive down the interstate and play tricks on my friends

by pulling the key out of the ignition while driving it.

Please, he can handle it.

You

already know the power of generosity and the best gifts

make an impact now and eternally.

That's what pre-born does.

And you can trust them to do it well.

They don't just offer free ultrasounds.

They support pregnancy clinics across the country

with ultrasound machines, training, grants,

and evangelism tools.

They're faithful with each dollar

so moms and crisis can see the life in their wounds.

And here's the truth that brings eternal life.

Because here's the thing.

When a mom sees her baby on that ultrasound screen

she chooses life 80% of the time.

And your gift of just $28 covers the cost of one ultrasound.

Or if you're able, you can purchase an ultrasound machine

through pre-born and have it placed in one of their clinics

so women will choose life for years.

Your donation brings hope and truth

when mothers feel alone and fear is loud.

So I'm asking you to give to pre-born today.

Even just $28 to provide one ultrasound.

Go to pre-born.com slash Ramsey

or call 855-601-2229

because every baby saved is more than a life preserved.

It's a life changed.

That's pre-born.com slash Ramsey.

[♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪

All right folks, if you're debt-free,

the live like no one else cruises your chance to celebrate,

hang out with us in day for new sessions

on building wealth, live episodes of our shows,

and the world's largest debt-free scream.

I remember when they did it last year.

It was pretty wild.

And next thing I'm walking through the ship

and I was trying to get to at least one of the areas

and then there it is on the screen.

Dave is up there with the captain,

got the microphone.

You know, he looked like he was in charge of the ship.

Yeah, and everybody screamed at once.

Really, really fun.

And you could secure your cabin with a $600 deposit

and join us in the Western Caribbean March 2027.

Click the link in the show notes,

or go to RamseySolutions.com slash events

to book your cabin today.

All right, Jeff and Leonora are up in Pensacola, Florida.

And I screen tells me that you amazing people

are baby steps millionaires.

Is this true?

And that's just very true.

Wow.

Well, first of all, congratulations,

and welcome to the show.

Thanks for being with us.

Well, thank you.

Thank you.

We were actually on the show 10 years ago.

No way.

What for a debris screen?

No, I'm not.

We called it for the millionaire.

Okay.

And I called the day if I was retiring that year.

And he said, well, close back in 10 years.

And that's how you've been doing.

So we are 10 years later.

Oh, wow.

Well, that's fantastic.

All right.

Well, let's get some details here.

What is your net worth?

Well, you'd like to say it's an excess of $2 million.

You'd like to say, what does that mean?

Well, there may be a little bit more in there

that's promised to our endowment

to things like that that we don't really consider

our money anymore.

Okay.

I'm just going to play the place to be the way.

Okay.

So we, uh, we said $2 million

and our minds is our money.

Got it.

And what is the mix that creates the $2 million?

We have about a million six

and, uh,

missile funds and 401k's

and then, uh,

then, uh, real estate.

Uh, Jeff, I don't know what's going on with the phone here.

Uh, we're having a hard time understanding you.

Your phone's kind of coming in and out.

Oh, all right.

Well, um, you need to speak close.

So that's why there it is.

Leonora is on top of it.

That's great.

So 1.6 and mutual funds.

And what is the other 400,000?

The mortgage?

No, no, no, no.

It's real estate.

We don't, we don't carry mortgages.

We don't carry any debt whatsoever.

Right.

I mean, the equity.

Oh, gosh.

I'm going to say half a million dollars.

Okay.

An equity.

Perfect.

Fantastic.

And, uh, what is your income or what was your income?

Give us kind of your lowest income ever

and then what you guys may have finished out at your highest income.

Our lowest income ever was probably, uh,

30, 40,000, uh,

50, okay, um, and it grew to an average

between the both of us of, uh, I'd say 150, um,

towards the end of our saving years.

Okay.

Great.

And what did you guys do?

With both medical professionals,

I'm a trauma nurse and a paramedic

and my wife, Redara, uh,

she's a registered nurse.

Okay.

Wow.

Now, you're a director for years as well.

Oh, fantastic.

Okay.

And your age is right now.

I'm 68.

I'm 71.

Okay. Great.

And any of this money inherited at all?

No.

Uh-huh, the chuckle.

The knowing chuckle that we ask

just so people realize you can actually do this

without inheriting money.

Wow.

Really fun.

Uh, what would you say to young people, uh,

who, you know, are just getting started?

Maybe they're a young couple.

Maybe they're in, in the medical profession,

you know, and they, they don't,

they wonder, is this possible?

What would you tell them they need to do

to actually get where you guys are?

Well, I would say no amount is too small

to start saving and to clear all your debt.

My husband, that was his,

his clarion call, no debt.

And, um, and a lot of that, he,

he learned from Dave Ramsey

and, uh, and listening to him

and reading his books.

And we lived by that rule.

And, um, because we were,

we had lots of debt when we were young

when we were first married.

And, uh, very little, very little.

We pant the mouth, as they say.

But, uh, we just struggle to make sacrifices,

but you have to have your eyes on the prize.

And it wasn't always easy,

but it's without fail,

hard work, determination,

and commitment, uh, you can do anything.

I love it.

And we just saw an awesome picture of you too

on a cruise ship.

Uh, so what is describe what life is like now?

On the other side of all that hardship

and discipline that you talked about?

Well, basically right now, we still survive

just on our social security checks,

believe it or not.

Okay.

But everyone's in a while.

We splurge and we've splurged and turned up

about five cruisers this year.

That's awesome.

I'm sorry.

I said, that's incredible.

Yeah.

Yeah, we've been to the South Pacific

and Fiji and all those islands

and place it up there in Alaska

and a number of different destinations.

And, um, you know, so we're just,

we, we understand our mortality

to be in our ages that we got.

So we're going to spend a little bit of it.

Well, we're so proud.

You guys are heroes.

We're so proud of what you've accomplished.

That's awesome.

Jeff and Leonora.

Thank you so much.

Our baby steps and millionaires today.

Thanks for sharing your story.

I love it.

And there's so many young couples

that could aspire to that.

And here's the love about that, Jay.

You know, Leonora laid it out.

There wasn't any fancy strategy.

All right.

No, it was just gods and grandma's ways

of handling money.

The same theme that we've had

on this show for decades.

So thank you all again for sharing your story.

Really, really fun.

Let's go to Nick and San Francisco.

Nick, how can we help?

I'm doing great.

Thank you for taking my call.

Sure.

What's going on?

I live in California.

And as you can imagine,

housing is extremely expensive here.

And I was wondering if it makes sense

to buy a rental property

before buying like a primary property?

What would be the purpose of doing that first?

Is it a size issue?

Like, is it a rental is way smaller

than what you need?

But at least it gets you in the door.

What's the play here?

I mean, my my thought process is,

I mean, in my area, I'm looking at maybe 700,000

even more.

This is by a starter home.

When I was looking in other states,

the buy a rental home for, you know,

much cheaper, much, much cheaper.

And I was, I would be able to buy it out, right?

And I'm looking to make money off that.

What are you doing for a living right now?

Just renting somewhere?

I live in a rental apartment that's owned by my family.

And I pay about 600 a month,

that's plus utilities.

Do you have to live in your area

or are you able to work from anywhere?

I have to live in my area.

Okay.

Why would you think about buying a house out of state

and dealing with all that headache?

Is it, yeah, what do you think is going to happen?

You're going to turn a quick profit.

I'm still trying to understand.

No, I'm just looking, I mean,

I'm just looking for it like in the long term

to see if it makes sense.

I mean, I have money to buy a property.

How much?

And I have 300 to 350,000.

What do you make per year?

I make 130,000.

So help me understand.

You've got 350,000 to spend.

Something in your area would cost 700,

so you could essentially put half down.

I'm still trying to make sense of what

the out-of-state rental property would do for you.

I'm just sort of looking at the fact that,

I mean, I'm looking at the fact that property taxes

and insurance are much cheaper there.

And I'm just looking to see.

Well, are you moving there?

But is it for an investment?

No, you're not going to move.

Yeah, for an investment,

because I would invest that money.

I wouldn't buy a house.

I wouldn't buy real estate in another state.

If you're looking to earn quick compounding interest,

I would not invest in another property in another state.

I would simply drop it in an S&P 500 index fund

and let it sit for the next five years.

You're free.

And keep adding to it,

you know, and just kind of have a five-year horizon on this.

And before you know it, you'll have a 700,000-dollar property.

Hey, folks, if you heard about Ask Ramsey,

if you haven't, it's our free AI tool that's built and trained on proven Ramsey principles,

and today we're going to break down some of the most asked questions from this week.

There are some questions around life insurance.

But the most asked question was around retirement accounts,

rules and options for contributing to multiple types of accounts,

IRAs, 401Ks, 4 or 3Bs, TSPs, so many of the acronyms.

And the main question is, what are the best options for me

and in what order?

Okay, so again, this is two Ask Ramsey people are diving in there.

And so here we go.

Match beats Roth, beats traditional.

So the workplace match is first, right?

So whether that's traditional or Roth option, 15% up to the match.

That includes four or three Bs and TSPs.

Then you go next to Roth, whether that's an IRA or a 401K max that out.

And then back to the workplace option to finish out the 15%.

Taxable investment accounts should happen after the 15% if you want to invest more.

So Ask Ramsey can actually help walk you through what options work best for you in your specific situation.

And go today, ask your question at RamseySolutions.com or click the link

in the description if you're listening on podcast or YouTube.

So there it is, Ask Ramsey, just type it in and there it goes.

Tony is up next in Houston, Texas.

Tony, how can we help?

Hey, I can hear you loud and clear.

What's going on?

Hey, happy Friday.

So I'm in a situation where recently I recently got a good well-paying job right out of college.

But my family has some debts and they are asking me to pay the debts for.

What?

No.

Goodness gracious.

Hard pass.

So when you say you've got a good job with good money, tell us what that exactly what that means.

What are you doing and what do you earn?

Okay, so I'm a machine learning consultant or telecommunication company.

I'm earning 285K per year.

How do they know that?

And they know that.

You told them that information.

Oh boy.

That was a two jades point.

Jade, make a great point here and you made this point earlier.

So I got to follow up.

How soon did they ask or did they ask for you to help them with their debts come after

you told them about this new gig or were they already pressuring you?

No, they were not.

They were very supportive and I thought they would just be, you know, be like, yeah.

So once they found out about the new rays, they said help us.

Yeah, and that has three cars and he's asking me to pay all of them.

And I hear fund your sister's college too.

I see that on the screen.

What?

Yeah, yeah.

Let me tell you what I would tell them.

You want to make it 285 million?

I know.

What's 285 after taxes?

Does it take care of those problems?

Is this, can I ask straight up?

Is this anything culturally related that we need to know about?

Or is this just people who are off their rocker?

Well, I am Asian.

Is there an expectation for the sons to pay for the parents?

There's no expectation usually.

I mean, I thought, you know, we would be just dealing with our debts and things.

I'm like, obviously, like I'm open to helping them.

But there's nothing there is no tradition there that you feel like they are relying on that

you no longer believe it.

Do you see what I'm saying?

No, there's no tradition, no culture.

Okay.

So let me ask you a question, Tony.

Why do you call us?

Because when I immediately said no, you went.

So we want to help.

But why do you call?

How can we help you?

The thing is, I love my family and I currently live with them.

But the thing is, this situation is, and it really is taking a toll on my mental health.

Yeah, how can we help you?

I think you got to move out, Tony.

What's your question?

I kind of want to know your opinion.

Do you, would you, if you were in my shoes, would you just?

I would move out, Tony.

Tony, I would move out.

You are grown first off.

Money aside, what you make, career aside, you're grown.

So it's time to move out.

That's the one.

And not pay them a nickel.

And not pay them a nickel.

And thing too, by you moving out and separating yourself from their expectations,

you get to go home and eat a sandwich and not ever think about this again.

Work versus being in their house.

Like you said, every night at dinner, they're going to bring it up.

In the morning, you know, when your mom sees you before you go to work,

she's going to admit, right?

Do you see what I'm saying?

So you're keeping yourself in that, that guilt-ridden environment.

Take yourself out.

Remove yourself from the conversation.

Yeah, there is nothing.

For us to say, you will resent your family, the very family you love,

you will resent if you capitulate to their manipulation.

Don't do it.

It's, it's going to burn the bridge that I'm afraid of.

No, it's not.

You, you will not, here's the thing.

I know I just got very hot-handed, very, very quickly.

You are not burning the bridge, Tony.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying,

I went to school.

I earned this income.

This is my life.

There is nothing stopping sister from doing the same.

And mom and dad, it's never been my responsibility to pay off your mortgage.

Re-cars.

And that's where I stand.

That is the, the barrier and the, the boundary that I'm putting in place.

I really hope you guys can understand that because that is perfectly logical.

And it makes perfect sense.

Period.

You're done.

And if it burns the bridge, that's on them.

You can't do anything about this.

I feel for you, but only to a degree.

Because I'm telling you, we, see,

Jay and I are sitting in the inviable position of not having any emotion attached to this.

That's right.

In our audience, we got people in the lobby.

They're shaking their head.

No, Tony, no.

Because we aren't attached to this.

And so none of us have the fear.

And I honestly think that the best thing you can do in a situation like this

is call family members' bluffs.

Yes.

Call their bluff.

And so move out today.

Don't pay them a nickel.

Tell them why.

Tell them you're happy to guide them on, on what they should be doing

if they're willing to listen.

But absolutely not.

And, and I'm sorry, we got to cut it there.

I love that you say go home and say, what kind of sandwich?

For, you know, up on me.

I don't even know.

See, what you're so fancy.

It's like a nice.

Nobody in America knows what you're talking about.

Like a nice bun.

And there's like pork and like,

greens.

Bon me.

Anybody?

You guys know what that is?

Bon me.

Bon me.

Hell he does.

Yeah.

And there's like, like nice mayonnaise in there.

Barbecue sandwich.

I don't know.

It's Vietnamese.

It's delicious.

Or.

Boy, I got to tell you, this is exciting.

Now I'm glad I asked.

Because now I have a new sandwich I need to try.

Or you could do maybe he's eating a BLT,

like just a bacon lettuce tomato.

Well, you know, I ask.

Because this is tough emotionally.

I'm having a little fun.

But I love how you kind of say good.

And I actually think when you take a decision like this

and take a stand, you need to emotionally eat.

And I'm 100%.

You know what my emotional go-to sandwich.

Tell me right now.

PB&J.

Oh, really?

And I'm going to chase it with a glass of milk.

Like I'm 10 years old.

I know you hate milk.

But I'm just saying.

PB&J.

Listen, Stacey ain't coming anywhere near that mouth

after peanut butter and milk.

Get out of here.

What are you talking about?

So judgmental.

I'm just looking out for Stacey in all of this.

That's all.

All right, America.

You guys can comment what's your favorite emotional sandwich?

You're going to go with the BLT.

BLT.

BLT.

Kelly the producer.

Let's get Kelly the producer in here.

What's your go-to emotional sandwich?

You've had a rough day

and you're going to eat a sandwich to feel better.

What is it?

Turkey with bacon for sure.

Extra crispy.

Oh, I like that.

Any condiments?

Homemade ranch.

Ooh.

Always with the homemade ranch.

Honorable mention.

Meatball sub.

Okay.

Okay, I feel like that's pizza.

Uh, I'm not sure if that's a sandwich.

I think that's pizza.

I think it's pizza.

Do you know what I mean?

You just...

You don't think so.

You think that meatball is a sandwich?

I'm flabbergasted that you would not call

a meatball sub a sandwich.

Flabbergasted.

Hey, it's got the sauce.

It's got the cheese.

You're putting cheese on it?

Absolutely.

Not to relic.

It's a meat.

It's a meat pizza.

It's it's all that is.

Oh, wow.

You know what I mean?

It's the same.

It's got all the same ingredients.

It's on a bun versus like a sandwich.

I'll tell you what I'm going to.

A Philly Philly cheese.

Hey, okay.

Now listen.

Now you're about some business.

Yeah.

Now you're talking about some business.

I need the Philly.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's what I need.

That's good.

Need that.

Need that protein.

The extra cheese.

Some pepper.

The pepper.

The deal with all my emotions.

I like that.

All right.

There you go, folks.

Emotional eating is what we're suggesting.

This is what people come for.

A great life advice.

And then a good conversation about a sandwich.

With a side of homemade ranch.

Way to go, Kelly.

Welcome back to the Ramsey show in the fair winds credit

union studio alongside Jade Warsaw.

I'm Ken Coleman.

Thank you for being with us.

The phone number to jump in.

It's AAA 825-5-225.

AAA 825-5-225.

Huntsville, Alabama is where Denise is waiting.

Denise, how can we help?

Hey, thank you, boss, for taking my call.

I appreciate it.

You bet.

Here's the, here's the sort of it.

I'm 54 years old.

I've been a widow twice.

Oh my god.

And I have no retirement saved.