My Number One Job as a Parent Is Not to Make You Happy

I've been traveling a lot lately for my book tour, which means airports, rental cars,

doing bedtime, over face time, and having some of the most meaningful conversations with parents.

And every time I'm on a trip like this, I think about how much coordination it takes to step

away from everyday life, even just for a couple of days. I know for so many families when you do

travel, for work, or for fun, it can feel good to know your home isn't sitting empty while you're

gone. Because while you're away, you could be hosting your home on Airbnb and earning some extra

income to put toward future travel. Okay, Becky, that sounds great, but I cannot take on one more

thing. I get it, truly. And that's exactly where Airbnb's co-host network comes in.

You can hire a vetted local co-host to take care of the hosting for you. A co-host can create your

listing, manage reservations, message guests, and even provide design and styling. It just makes

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find a co-host at Airbnb.com slash host.

Over and over, I hear the same thing from parents. Dr. Becky, I can't say no to my kid, and I know

part of my role is to say no to my kid or set boundaries for my kid. And I know it's not good

for my kid to be happy all the time, but whatever I know in my brain does not come up in my body

in the moment my kid makes a request. And I need help saying no. Okay, this is seriously one of my

favorite topics and so many of you submitted scenarios and questions. And I just want to say thank

you. I want to let you know you're not alone. I want to say you're so brave to look at something

and say, this is hard for me. How amazing. That's always the first step of change. And that's also

the hardest steps. You already did that. And so we are going to hear from three parents today

who share scenarios that I know are happening in your home as well. And then we're going to problem

solve together. So if you're a parent, who struggles to say no, which by the way comes from a good

reason and we're going to get into that, I promise you're going to end today with concrete

strategies that are going to feel good to start experimenting with in your home. I'm Dr. Becky

and this is good inside. We'll be right back.

One thing I see over and over with parents is just how much we're carrying. The data backs this

up. Most parents spend nearly every waking hour focused on someone else. So if you feel exhausted,

stretch thin or like your brain never really shuts off, that makes complete sense. I've seen how

powerful it can be when families have more support. When parents have trusted caregivers,

the mental load, lightens, and they're actually able to be more present. Not because they're doing

more, but because they're not doing it all alone. Care.com makes it easier to find trusted

background-checked caregivers, whether that support for a newborn before or after school help

or even care for an aging parent. You can search by experience, read reviews, and find support in

a way that feels safer and more intentional than social media or word of mouth alone. And

do you know that you can find activities, camps, and daycare on care.com too? For a limited time,

you can use the code Good35 to save 35% on a care.com premium membership. Because when you have

support, you can show up as your best self for the people who need you. Here's something I hear

from parents all the time. A lot of the things that are good for kids don't always feel good

to kids. It's why I love finding things that flip the script, turning a potential power struggle

into a moment kids enjoy. Haya does that with vitamins, and the park kids really love

the experience. The first box comes with a refillable glass bottle they get to decorate with

stickers. So it feels personal, playful, and totally theirs. Taking their vitamin becomes a

small daily ritual they can actually look forward to. The vitamins themselves are chewable,

not gummy, with no artificial dyes and zero added sugar. They're packed with essential nutrients

to support growing bodies. And for parents, it's easy. Refills show up in your doorstep, no last

minute runs to the store required. Haya also makes probiotics, fiber, bedtime essentials,

and so much more. So you can build a simple, feel good routine for your family that runs smoothly

in the background. If you want a healthier option, your kids will actually be excited about.

You can use my code Dr. Becky for 50% off your first order at hayahealth.com. That's H-I-Y-A-H-E-A-L-T-H.com.

So on the topic of having a hard time saying no, something I hear a lot is picking my battles.

I know I should pick my battles. Do I ever pick battles? Do I let every battle go? Do I surrender?

How do we pick our battles? And how do we know when to draw the line? So in that note,

let's hear from Eileen. Hi, I have a hard time saying no to my kids,

partly because I feel like, well, it's not that big a deal. It's, you know, picking my battles.

And also wanting them to feel like they're heard and that they're wants or valued. And then I often

times say yes when they just kind of, they see me faltering and then they just kind of go ahead

with whatever they want, which has created a house full of or lack of boundaries, I should say,

therefore causing distress. So those are some of my worries and struggles with saying no to my kids.

All right, I think we can all see ourselves in Eileen. So Eileen, thank you for voicing something

that all of us struggle with. And at times, I've struggled with this too. There's two different parts

I want to pull out that are just ringing really loudly for me about what you said. I'm going to

say them and then jump into each. My kids, I want them to feel like they're heard and that they're

wants or valued. Amazing. So I'm so glad you said that. And there's actually a nugget in there

that's going to really help us. The other side of it is you said, my kids kind of quote see me

faltering and there's something there that's completely human and there's also going to be something

useful and looking into that. So let's start with the first. I want my kids to feel heard. I want

them to feel like they're wants or valued. Yes. What I want to do right now is I want everyone

assuming you're not driving to put your hands out in front of you and separate them. And I want

you to look at one hand. And I want you to say I want my kids to know that they're heard and

they're wants or valued. That's one hand. Okay, now I want you to look at the other hand and what's

key is to make the other hand far away from your first hand. That hand is I'm saying yes

or I'm saying no. Now the reason this is important is on some level we've conflated two things.

We've started to believe that in order to make my kids know that they're heard and that they're

wants or valued. That for me is my right hand. That means I have to say yes with my left hand

and all of a sudden my hands are together. Like I have to say yes because I want my kids to know

that they're heard and that they're wants or valued. Again, we're going to separate the hands.

This is so powerful and important and remind yourself these are two very very different things.

Yes, it's important to help my kids feel like their wants and needs are valued.

And that actually is independent. I mean that. That is independent from saying yes or no in any given

situation. In fact, I would argue it almost becomes dangerous for our kids to conflate being valued

with getting what they want. Being valued and feeling seen with hearing a yes because we want to prepare

our kids for adulthood where they know there are many moments. Most of my moments in adulthood when

I'm going to feel cared and respected and loved and valued are actually not going to be the times I

get what I want. I need to figure out a way to feel valued and respected and loved even when

someone I care about is saying no. And so if we want our kids to become adults who can separate

those two things, we need to start separating those things now or else we create completely

unrealistic relationship patterns for our kids and expectations for how the world works.

I don't think any of us would want a partner who says, I want to choose where we go to dinner

tonight. Right? And if someone said, oh, I don't really want to go out to dinner tonight,

I'm feeling sick. And our partner said, what? Well, if you cared about my wants and values,

you would go out to dinner with me even when you're sick. And I know that seems far away from

our young kids, but it's actually not because these patterns transfer. We want someone to be able to

say, oh, you do care about my desire to go out to dinner and you have something going on and

you're unable to join me. I get both of those things at once. Those are two different things.

So I think knowing that is important. Now, how do we help our kid feel seen and valued

if we don't say yes? That actually comes down to just saying it to our kids in different ways.

Hey, I know you want to watch another TV show. I get that that matters to you. I hear you

and it's bedtime. Right? Oh, you really want that t-shirt? I get it. All the kids in your

class of that t-shirt and you really want it. I know that that matters. And I believe you,

it stinks to be the only kid who doesn't have it. And buying it right now isn't an option.

Right? So what I'm actually separating from my kids is hugely important for adult life skills.

I feel wanted and seen and valued even when I don't get what I want. Because if we do conflate,

I feel I wanted and valued with getting what we want. We actually set our kid up to be

barely entitled in the world. And that's not what we want. Now, the one last thing I want to touch

on is they see me faltering. I have so much more to say about this and maybe we'll get to it later

in the episode. If not, if you haven't seen all the stuff I say about boundaries and sturdy

leadership, this is it because you're absolutely right. Our kids smell our ambivalence. They know

my parents about to say something and they don't even believe it themselves. And then we tell ourselves

the story of, oh, they're taking advantage of meat, but they're not. It would be like being in a

plane and hearing a pilot say, we're going to make an emergency landing. Actually, actually, I don't

know what should we, maybe we should. I don't know. What do you guys think? Right? I would definitely

freak out on a plane, not because I'm trying to quote take advantage of my pilot, but just because

I feel they're lack of sturdiness. So how a kid responds to our boundary setting is in large part

related to how much they feel are sturdiness or our own confusion or faltering. And so you're

absolutely right. And the best news is that's something I love helping parents with is going from

faltering to confident and sturdy. So I can totally get you covered in that domain.

Okay, here's another scenario I want to explore. I feel like I'm always saying no to my kid.

I feel like I'm always saying no because my kid is asking for things all the time. So my struggle

to say no exists within that dynamic for a kid who seems to be asking for a million different

wants. All right, let's hear from Megan. Dr. Becky, yes, I struggle to say no to my kid. Here's

why I feel like I'm always saying no to my kid. She is deeply feeling she's six and a half.

She has a ton of questions, a ton of requests, a ton of demands. When she wakes up, she asks if she

can watch her iPad. When we get in the car, she asks for me to play our song. She's constantly

asking for snacks and to play this and to play that. And will I play with her? And can we walk

down the street so she can ride her bike? And the list of requests from her all day long is endless.

And I can't say yes to every single one. And I feel like I'm constantly saying no, I try to say yes

when I can. I do say yes when I can. But I say no a lot. And I try to couch it in like no, we can't do

that right now, but we can do that later. Or no, we can't do that or have that right now. But

here's what you can have. And she's deeply feeling and she gets tired of hearing no. And sometimes

it turns into a massive power struggle. And so my thought process, I feel myself tens up every time

she asks for something, I anticipate. Here comes the ask, I'm probably going to want to say no

for a hundred reasons. It's not practical right now. It's not healthy. I'm doing something else.

I'm trying to maintain my sanity, et cetera. And she's going to have a big fat reaction to it.

And then I'm going to have to deal with it. That is the cycle.

Megan, first of all, I'm giving you a virtual hug. I've been there myself. I have a deeply

feeling kid. I think you know that, but I want to say it again because all of my thoughts around

these kids not only come from research and from my work and private practice, but from my very

on the ground life with my own deeply feeling kid. Because I feel like that lived experience really

matters. And I just want to say, I believe you, I believe your kid asks for more things and has

more intense tantrums and is harder to calm down. And most deeply feeling kids, when they're really

upset on the surface, they reject help get away from me, get out of my room, even though

they actually need us to be there. So it's kind of complicated dance. So all this to say, I hear

it. I've been there myself. My deeply feeling kid is now older. So I want to let you know from all

the kind of deeply feeling kid approach stuff I've done, your kid, I know if you're doing the same

thing is going to get out of it. So I want to give you that hope. Okay. The thing I want to pull out

most from what you said is I feel myself tense up every time she asks for something. Now, of course,

that's a totally normal reaction, especially maybe you're in public, you're like on a play day,

like on my goodness, right? Is the meltdown coming? But the thing I want to give you that really

matters is family jobs. And here's why we think we tense up in a situation because we're anticipating

our kids meltdown or difficult reaction. I want you to consider this idea as true. Just as an experiment,

we actually tense up in a situation not because of our kids anticipated behavior,

but because we don't have clarity on what our job is in the moment. And when you have clarity

on what your job is, even in a difficult moment, you don't tense up. You actually kind of activate,

like, ooh, I'm about to flex my job. Watch me do my job, right? So what is our job? This is so

foundational in any family system, definitely with a deeply feeling kid, okay? Because family

jobs are almost not much more important. A parent has two main jobs. We set boundaries,

and boundaries are limits that we decide on that we believe are good for our kids. Often they're

about safety. Sometimes they're about a kid's long-term interest. Sometimes a boundary is something

we set. It's a limitation because we think I just don't have the energy to kind of have another

kid at my house to play date, and I know I'm going to turn into a version of a parent I don't

want to be. So I'm actually setting that boundary for everyone's benefit. That's a boundary.

So that's one of our jobs. We set boundaries. Why? Because we're the adult. It's true. I have

deep respect for kids, and I don't want to make it clear. They're not the pilot. You are the pilot,

and pilots set boundaries, because you're in a position of authority. Not authority. You're

going to abuse true parental authority. Now you have another job. And your other job is connecting to

understanding kind of an essence validating your kids' feelings. And here's why those two jobs

kind of often work in tandem. If you have a kid like any of my kids, you set a boundary.

Your kid does not say, thank you. I feel so safe with you. You're such a sturdy leader. I can see

you're working on boundary setting, mom. So proud of you. High five. That will never happen.

You set a boundary and only one thing will happen. Your kid will freak out. Why? Because when we set

boundaries, we're inherently stopping our kid from getting something they want. And that is just a

really hard human state. So we set a boundary. And in your head, Megan, I actually want you to

think, check one. I did one part of my job. I did 50% of my job already. That's kind of amazing.

Now it just happens to be that my kid's melting down, but that's not a reflection of me doing my

job. I know what my job is. So my reflection of doing my job is doing my job, not my kid's reaction

to doing my job. Okay. Now my kid, ironically, is actually going to do their job. And maybe we'll

talk about this, but I actually have both the kids job is to have feelings and reactions because that's

the only way they can learn coping skills to have more moderate and safer versions of feelings and

reactions. Okay. So they have this feeling and reactions going to be messy. And then you can do

the other part of your job, which is validating your kids feelings, which especially for a deeply

feeling kid, often comes down to three words. I believe you. That's it. But here's the cycle.

And I want to go over and order when our kid is on the verge of a meltdown or we just know we're

making a decision that they're not going to like, but we believe it's right. We do our job. We set

a boundary. A kid does their job. They have feelings. We do the second part of our job. We validate

their feelings and then guess what, Megan? We go back to step one. We continue to hold the boundary.

They continue to have a feeling. We continue to validate the feeling while holding the boundary.

It's three steps. We set a boundary. Our kid has a reaction. We validate that reaction while

holding the boundary. Here's why this matters so much. Unconsciously, most of us think that our job

is to stop our kids feelings or to control our kids feelings so they actually feel happy with us.

And then we have what is called job confusion. Let's go back to the flight. I'm just a

lover of all pilot metaphors. Imagine going through intense turbulence and what the pilot was

saying to themselves is I have to have everyone sit down and buckle up and I have to suspend

drinks service. And oh, I just hope all the passengers are happy. I hope no one's mad.

My job is to make sure nobody is mad when I tell them this. I mean, Megan, me and you would be like,

oh my goodness, really? That's what my pilot is focusing on. That's not my pilot's job.

And if you have a sturdy pilot in a way, they're not that concerned with your reaction because

they're actually concerned about something bigger for you. You're safety. So they do their job

of making this announcement. Passengers would do their job of saying, oh, it's so annoying.

I'm not going to get my pretzels. And maybe a pilot would say, oh, I know it's annoying. We're

supposed to start drinking snacks service. You must be hungry. I'm so sorry. But that doesn't mean

I'm changing the seatbelt sign. I then go back to step one of holding my boundary.

With this framework, the reason this changes so much is that the essence of your question is,

I think what's really going on in your struggle to say, no, is a lack of clarity of your job.

And so that's something I want you to repeat over and over. I have two jobs, boundaries and

validation. My job is not to make me get happy. My job is not to end their meltdown. And I promise

you when you're more centered and have more conviction in your job, which will take time.

It's like anything else. It's a practice. It's not going to happen overnight.

I promise you your kids' reactions to your nose are going to change because they feel

your sturdiness. They feel your edge. And so that's where I would really focus.

One thing I see over and over with parents is just how much we're carrying. The data backs this

up. Most parents spend nearly every waking hour focused on someone else. So if you feel exhausted,

stretch thin or like your brain never really shuts off, that makes complete sense.

I've seen how powerful it can be when families have more support. When parents have trusted

caregivers, the mental load, lightens, and they're actually able to be more present.

Not because they're doing more, but because they're not doing it all alone.

Care.com makes it easier to find trusted,

background-checked caregivers, whether that's support for a newborn,

before or after-school help, or even care for an aging parent. You can search by experience,

read reviews, and find support in a way that feels safer and more intentional,

than social media or word of mouth alone. And do you know that you can find activities,

camps, and daycare on care.com too? For a limited time, you can use the code

Good35 to save 35% on a care.com premium membership. Because when you have support,

you can show up as your best self for the people who need you.

Here's something I hear from parents all the time. A lot of the things that are good for kids

don't always feel good. Two kids. It's why I love finding things that flip the script,

turning a potential power struggle into a moment kids enjoy.

Haya does that with vitamins. And the part kids really love, the experience.

The first box comes with a refillable glass bottle they get to decorate with stickers.

So it feels personal, playful, and totally theirs.

Taking their vitamin becomes a small daily ritual they can actually look forward to.

The vitamins themselves are chewable, not gummy, with no artificial dyes and zero added sugar.

They're packed with essential nutrients to support growing bodies.

And for parents, it's easy. Refills show up in your doorstep.

No last minute runs to the store required.

Haya also makes probiotics, fiber, bedtime essentials, and so much more.

So you can build a simple, feel good routine for your family that runs smoothly in the background.

If you want a healthier option, your kids will actually be excited about.

You can use my code Dr. Becky for 50% off your first order at hayahealth.com.

That's h-i-y-a-h-e-a-l-t-h.com.

Okay, the last thing I want to talk about is how our struggle to say no to our kid

connects with our desire to raise independent, capable kids.

Because here's something I know about most parents.

They would say, when my kid is 18, when my kid is 38, when my kid's 78, however old they are

when they're out of my house, I want them to feel capable. I want them to feel strong.

I want them to feel like they can both ask for help, because that's healthy,

and rely on themselves for help. They can do both, right?

Well, how does that wish for the future relate to the dynamics around saying no to our kid

when they're younger, which are the years when all the circuitry is forming that will then play out

in their later years? Okay, this might make a lot more sense when we hear from Allison. So,

Allison, let's get started. Hi, Dr. Becky. My name is Allison, and I have a hard time saying no to my

six-year-old and eight-year-old. I want to be able to meet their needs and their wants to know that

I love them, that they're cared for, that they're in a stable, healthy situation.

But it comes to the point where I feel like I am being taken advantage of by my kids,

and I know that they are not doing it intentionally to be malicious. It's just what they are.

For example, I will be sitting in my couch in the living room. My daughter will be sitting

in the kitchen eating a snack, and she will ask me, Mommy, can you throw away this wrapper for me?

I would have to get up from the couch, pick up the wrapper from her, walk around her to go to the

other side of the kitchen to throw it away, when it would be immensely easier for her to just walk

the 10 steps to throw it away herself. But since I am sitting on the couch not really doing anything

in particular, I don't really reason to have to say no, except for it's slightly inconvenient for

me, and it makes more sense for her to do it. But I get up and do it because I want to reinforce

the asking questions and asking for help is okay. And I can always, in my mind, justify meeting

their needs over my needs, unfortunately. All right, Allison, I have about three hours of things I

want to say to you, not because this is such a huge problem, but because you've hanged on so many

different things that I think are so important. So I'm going to try to organize what I'm seeing now

as the most important things, something I want to pull out for you. I don't really have a reason

to say no, except for it's slightly inconvenient for me, and it makes more sense for my kid to do it.

I just want to tell you that is always for me my biggest most compelling reason for saying no.

So it's interesting that the same thing is kind of inconvenient for me, and it makes more sense

for someone else to do it. I actually think that's often the best reason we ever have for saying

no. So one of the things I'd ask you to reflect on, and you kind of hinted at it, when you said,

I can always justify meeting their needs over my needs, and then you added, unfortunately, is

what's my relationship with my own needs? On a scale of 0 to 10, 0 meaning the least important

thing in the world, 10 meaning the most important thing in the world, where would I assess kind of

the rating of how I relate to my own needs? Are they closer to a 0 or closer to a 10? And based on

what you're saying, it sounds like they're, I don't know, where exactly, but I would say they're

closer to the 0 than the 10. And then saying no to your kid isn't actually that much about saying

no to your kid as much as it might be about saying yes to your own needs. So that's something I just

want you to think about. I should also say that this is a chronic struggle for parents, and yes,

especially for moms. So many of us have learned growing up, our value is around serving others,

our value is around distancing ourselves from our own needs, because actually if we knew what we

needed, and if we dared to speak up for it, we might be inconvenient to other people, and maybe we

were most valuable to them when we just fit into their system and attuned to their needs and took

care of them the whole time. And yet now that we're an adult, I'm going to promise you that is no

longer effective, that is no longer needed, and it causes us a whole lot of mental health and

physical health problems. So this is actually one of my favorite topics. If you haven't already seen

my reparenting workshop because at the core of so many parenting struggles, and we say I can't say

no, and tantrums are hard for me to stay calm, and I don't know how to get my kid in a good sleep

routine, and someone might say those are three different things I would actually say they're one

thing. They're one thing. It comes back to what do I need as an adult and a leader? Do I know it?

Can I assert it? And can I start to actually see how that is the best way of loving my kids

and setting up a structure for them to thrive? Okay, another angle I want to talk about, and I'm

going to say something bold. I believe it, but I'm also going to say it a little extra bold,

just kind of for us to all have a reaction. Saying no to our kids is an important way of showing

our kids. We love them. I'm going to say that again. Saying no to our kid is an important way of

showing our kid that we love them. Because I think what's happening, again, unconsciously,

is in some way we think showing love is keeping our kid happy, and those get conflated.

Another thing that gets conflated is I want my kid to be able to ask for help.

Is conflated with I am actually in real life meeting every demand my kid voices. I want my kids

to be able to ask for help. The irony is being someone who's good at asking for help inherently has

another quality. The awareness that I might be able to get this help from someone else, and I

might not. And I have to be able to tolerate both situations. And if I don't, I hope I don't feel

completely fragile. I hope I can then say, okay, well, what am I going to do now? I'm a problem

solver. I know that asking for help and getting help isn't always going to happen. So I'm going to

ask for help. Yes, I feel comfortable using my voice. Amazing. And I don't expect to always have

every demand met that actually would set up a kid to really struggle in the adult world.

And as a general pattern, doing things for our kid that we could help them learn to do for themselves

isn't really an expression of love. It's an expression of making our kid's life short term easier.

And I say short term because it actually is very short term. My kid's saying, can you throw

away this wrapper for me? If I say no, they might melt down, they might whine, that makes their

life short term harder, my life short term harder. If I say yes and get up, even though I'm kind of

annoyed on the couch and that'll probably all add up one day and I'll probably blow up and,

you know, about something that, you know, just kind of boiled over. But I say yes now and it's

short term easier for me and my kid. It is so short term. And the reason that matters so much

is because of a general principle, I think a lot about when we're raising our kids.

Maximizing ease and happiness in childhood doesn't create well-adjusted adults.

Maximizing ease and happiness in childhood creates entitled and fairly fragile adults.

And I don't mean fragile as an insult. I actually have deep, deep empathy for adults who

have never developed a sense of their own capability. They've never been in opportunities

before the age of 18 where they've said, wait, I can do things I don't want to do. Wait, I can get

through this hard time. Wait, I'm disappointed. I'm frustrated and that freaking stinks. And

I have a pattern of knowing that I can get to the other side. And when we do so many things,

when we say yes over and over to things that our kids could do on their own, and I'm not talking

about one time, you want to get the wrapper for your kid. One time, of course, I'm talking about a

general pattern. What we actually steal is our kids' competence. We steal it. And so recently,

I've been thinking a lot about these themes. And I keep thinking, you know, maybe one of the best

ways to show love to my kid is to be long-term greedy in parenting, which means tolerating

short-term disappointment and frustration as a way of investing in my kid's future resilience

and happiness. That's being long-term greedy. Now, I know what you're thinking. I'm a realist too.

Are there days where you're like, I can't do that. I just got to make it short-term easy. Yes,

me too. And I give myself full permission. And for whatever it's worth, I give you full permission

to have those days. I'm talking about some percentage of the time. I'm going to be long-term greedy,

which means tolerating disappointment in the short-term as a way of investing in my kid's future

resilience and happiness in the long-term. And I want to put a script to this to end with,

because as you all know, I hate leaving things as ideas. I want to share words that I've actually

said to my kids so many times, and I can't even tell you how compelling it's been to see their

reaction and to see what they do next. I love you so much that I'm willing to make a decision

that I believe is good for you, even though you're upset with me right now.

Oh, you won't do the, you know, you won't do the rapper. I know. I'm not, because sweetie, I know

you could do that for yourself. If you loved me, you would do it. Look, sweetie, I love you so much

that I'm willing to make a decision that I believe is good for you, even though you're upset with

me right now. Isn't that what we all want from the people who love us the most? They see a version

of us that's more capable than the version we're currently in touch with. And instead of colluding

in our self-concept is not capable. They hold space. They hold a boundary for us to bring out

that confidence. That's a really compelling version of parental love. And when it comes to saying

no, that's a version. I think that's worthwhile to experiment with, because I think we'll give you

motivation to set boundaries and to tolerate your kids' distress and response to those boundaries

and maybe most compellingly, it'll actually leave you feeling like those moments, even though

they were exhausting and tough, that they were kind of like your best parental win of the day,

because you know that those moments really matter. So I have to end with one more thing, because

one of the things I hate is the idea of a parent hearing this episode, maybe having kind of light

bulbs in their head, because what we're actually kind of doing here is saying, here's a new way to

think about parental love. Here's a new way to think about this short term versus long term

greediness. And I know if that's me, when I'm listening to something, I think, okay, how do I do that?

I want like steps, like I can't do it all at once, but like can you give me like a few steps today?

And this is why I just want to make sure you know where you can turn if and when you're ready to turn

this idea, maybe a little spark of motivation into actual action, because it's the action that makes

the change, not the thoughts. My good inside app was built for you. It's a parent who says,

wait, that's a new idea. That kind of resonates, but that's really hard for me. And by the way,

of course, it's hard for you. It's so hard because it's so new. And so what we're doing in our app,

that's so different from our membership in the past is it's built for the parent who says,

I seriously only have time when I'm brewing my coffee or when I'm sitting on the toilet.

Do you have something for that that leads to progress? Yes. We are boundary,

invalidation, and family jobs, and sturdy leadership experts. And we believe this is the wave of

the future for parenting. And we also believe that parents need a tool to deliver this and

personalized ways that take no more than three to five minutes a day. And so if you haven't already

gone to check out our brand new app and our amazing beautiful new home page that features it and

just tells you more, I really think you should. I think you should do it right now. I think you

should click because if for nothing else, you'll have it in your back pocket for a moment when

you're ready. I can't wait to see you there. Thank you for listening. To share a story or ask me

a question, go to goodinside.com slash podcast, or you could write me at podcast at goodinside.com.

Good inside with Dr. Becky is produced by Jesse Baker and Eric Newsom at Magnificent Noise.

Our production staff includes Sabrina Farhi, Julia Natt, and Kristen Muller.

I would also like to thank Erica Belski, Mary Panico, Brooke Zant, and the rest of the goodinside team.

And one last thing before I let you go. Let's end by placing our hands on our hearts

and reminding ourselves, even as I struggle, and even as I have a hard time on the outside.

I remain good inside.

Okay, parents, quick check in. If your brain feels like it's holding everyone's schedule

except your own, you're not doing it wrong. You're carrying a lot. I see this all the time.

School emails, activities, chores, dinner plans, and somehow it all lives in one person's head,

usually moms. And that gets exhausting. That's why I love Skylight Calendar. It's a smart touch screen

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It syncs with Google, Apple, Outlook, all of it, and you can color code each family member.

So there's a lot less. Wait, I didn't know in your house. Plus with the free Skylight companion app,

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you're not 100% happy, you can return it for a full refund. No questions asked. Right now,

you can get $30 off of 15-inch Skylight Calendar at myskylight.com slash Becky. That's

M-Y-S-K-Y-L-I-G-H-T dot com slash Becky.