"My Wife Is Making Financial Decisions Without Me"

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app, start budgeting for free today.

Normal is broke and common sense is weird, so we're here to help you transform your life

from the Ramsey Network in the Fairwinds Credit Union Studio.

This is the Ramsey Show.

I'm Jade Borshot.

Next to me, Dr. John Deloney in the house taking calls about your life and your money.

We're going straight to the phone line to you know the deal.

We have Greg and Phoenix, Arizona.

What's going on, Greg?

Hi, yeah, this is Greg and I have about $10,000 in credit card debt.

I keep making payments on it and it ends up going right back up to $10,000 due to my drinking.

Oh, no.

Yikes, man.

What are you doing to get a handle on your drink, brother?

I'm getting back into the AA programs and church programs, but yeah, getting back into it.

Huh.

Are you ready to commit all in?

Yes, I am.

Yeah.

So how can we help you today, man?

Well, I originally reached out to see if there was any other advice besides cutting up my credit card.

So anything besides that would be appreciative.

Is it?

Do you not want to do that?

No, I do.

I just, I have a little bit of nerves about it when it comes to emergencies and things like

that.

I got it.

I have to use my truck a lot for work, so I mean, I'm going to have to change the tires on

it pretty soon.

I know I'm going to need a credit card for that.

Have you, oh, sorry.

No, go ahead.

I was going to say if we give you a financial solution for that for for the things that you're concerned

about, is that all that's keeping you?

What do you mean all that's keeping me if I if you leave this call today and I give you

a plan for why you don't have to fear tires on the truck or all of those things that you're

kind of feeling like, Hey, I need the credit card to fall back on.

Would that be enough for you then to to cut it up?

Yes, for sure.

Okay.

All right.

So you've been AA before?

Yes.

What would they tell you if you went into AA and they said, Are you ready?

And you said, Yes, except I still need to hang out with these guys.

I still need to go to this bar once a week and I still need to do something else.

Would they have any confidence that you were going to be able to change what alcohol

is serving to cover up for you?

No, they wouldn't.

Okay.

The long as long as you keep this backup plan on you at all times 24, 7365, the chances

of you using this backup plan are 100%.

Okay.

The path forward is really say never again.

And when you walk into your first AA meeting, it has to be never again.

And when it comes to I'm tired of making as much money as I do.

And every month, I don't even know where it goes.

I just look up and I'm back in the whole 10 grand until you decide I'm done with this

and follow the plan.

Jade's going to lay out for you.

And by the way, getting sober, it's not easy.

It's hard.

Cost you a lot and it's worth it.

And getting out of debt is hard.

It costs you a lot.

And dude, the path is freedom and peace, man.

It's worth everything.

You just got to say, I'm either in or I'm out.

I'm in.

So I'm ready to hear it.

It's awesome.

That's really good.

Yeah.

We're proud of you.

So let's talk about the money side of this.

So you've got tires on the truck coming up.

It sounds like basically what's happened is you've kind of got in a paycheck to paycheck

cycle.

Yeah.

Yes.

Okay.

So what do you bring in every month?

What comes into your hands every single month?

I just started a job three months ago.

I'm making 75K plus commission.

I do have a 1,500 a month car allowance.

So it's kind of more like 90K.

Okay.

Good.

Of course commission.

Okay.

So you've got a car allowance of like a high amount.

That's crazy.

So how much are you actually bringing home in your check?

Like what's what are you writing on your budget?

What I'm bringing home is approximately after taxes and everything about five grand

a month right now.

Okay.

Are you or do you have family?

Well I'm engaged and I'm about to move in with my fiance within a couple of months in

May also.

So that's another reason why I'm kind of holding on to the credit card a little bit.

Okay.

So I want to challenge that.

I don't want to bite off too much to chew in this little bit of time.

But the first things first is you getting yourself together.

Amen.

So that is on the addiction side and on the financial side adding a whole other person

of this right now and moving in together.

I'm sorry John.

I'm getting into your territory.

But that feels just that feels like not the right move at this point in time, right?

You got a lot on your plate.

It's like holding matches over an open flame and deciding you know what I'm going to pick

up a gas can too.

Well I'm standing here.

You're just going to make everything way more complex.

Yeah.

And it's not to say you can't keep dating this lady or whatever, but go accelerating

to that point just feels like it doesn't feel like the right move.

So you've got good money coming in.

You've got a great allowance here.

Now the only thing is we got to get this into a budget because there's something obviously

before it was the addiction that was spending all your money.

But right now something else is eating your lunch on a month to month basis.

How much are you paying every month for a month for rent?

$1,300.

Okay, so that's not the problem.

What is your car payment?

I'm $750 away from having it completely paid off.

That a boy wouldn't go with you.

Amazing.

Okay.

Yeah.

So and once it's paid off do you still get the $1,500 allowance for your car?

Yes.

Okay.

So why can't we use that for tires?

Can you get tires for $1,500?

Yes.

I love this.

Yeah, this is awesome.

So is that, I mean, is that it?

Is that just the solution?

Do we need to talk about anything else?

I mean, I just, I know that y'all say it's a bad idea with the moving in and whatnot.

But I mean, this has been the plan for a few months now.

So it's going to be hard to reverse that.

Not really.

It's going to require some tough conversations.

And I have a sense.

I mean, I don't know the lady, but you just called here and you laid some pretty heavy

things on the table and it made perfect sense to me.

It was like, oh, logical, make sense.

So I got to believe that if you talk to her and you say, hey, here's what I'm going through.

Today, it doesn't make sense for me to, to what John's point said.

I'm standing in front of a fire.

I don't want to add you and, and, and make this complex for both you and I.

Or let me flip it around.

If, if your fiance was a friend of mine, which she, she was my sister and my daughter,

I would tell her, hey, continue to love this guy.

You've decided you want to spend the rest of your life with him, but he's got to go get

well before, before you fully anchor in.

And he's got to commit to looking himself in the mirror and saying, I'm worth sobriety.

I'm worth this amazing job opportunity I've got.

I'm worth cleaning up and being disciplined with my finances, committing to something.

And, and, and not wavering.

And then you can feel free to anchor into that concrete.

That's what, that's what I would tell her.

And my guess is you would tell if that was your sister or like, you know, your friend,

you'd tell them the same thing.

And so it's just, it's just a matter of man, but what you need right now is, is a simple

plan, a simple path.

And the more complexity you add to this thing, the more variables you throw in there, like,

I'm just going to keep the car just in case the more opportunities you have to trip and

fall.

Yeah, that's really good.

You're not going to stay engaged, not to potentially marry this woman, but just do it

the right way.

And before you go, we're going to make sure Christian picks up and gets you every dollar

because you need it.

So you can see where all of your money, all that $5,000 plus that car allowance, see where

it's going every month, and promise me today, you'll cut up the credit cards and buy the

tires and cash.

You've worked too hard to get control of your money just to let strangers control your

data.

Think about it.

Just about every time you sign up for a newsletter, grab a coupon code, or start a free

trial, your personal info, like your name, email address, phone number, and more, get scooped

up and sold by data brokers.

Here's the deal.

Freedom isn't only being debt free, it's also being free from companies cashing in on

your data.

That's where DeleteMe comes in.

DeleteMe's privacy experts find your personal info on these shady data broker sites, they

get it deleted, and they keep it gone.

It's like having a digital cleanup crew that scrubs your online life.

So you get way fewer of those spam calls, creepy texts, and scam emails that make you wonder

how they even found you.

Guys, the less noise in your digital life, the more time you have for what actually matters.

Because when you protect your privacy, you protect your peace and your freedom.

So go to JoinDeleteMe.com slash Ramsey to get 20% off through annual plans and take

back control.

That's JoinDeleteMe.com slash Ramsey.

All right, back to the phone lines where we have Matthew and Columbia, South Carolina.

Hi, Matthew.

Hey, how's it going?

Doing good.

How can we help today?

Hey, I'm calling in because I'm in a unique situation here where my wife and I praise

God, just paid off all of our debt over $150,000 worth of debt.

Awesome.

And yeah, it feels really good.

We did it in a couple of years' time, that feels good, we're freshly married.

We got on board paying off debt even before the wedding, and just so we were on the same

page, even during dating.

So we've been doing everything right, trying to follow the baby steps.

Now we're ready to replenish our emergency fund and baby step number two.

The problem is, is my wife kind of just dropped this bomb on me today that she is with or

without my permission going to get her parents a used car.

And with or without your permission, please tell me how to tell me how that was said.

Well, so here's the thing, it's with or without my permission because she up front paid

a lot of my student loans off and they ended up paying a bulk of it off together.

Okay.

And so you owe her what she's saying.

As the great Warren G once said, hold up, like y'all paid off y'all student loan debt.

That's how I see it.

I feel that it's like, you know, we already have a combined, you know, checking to

mind savings, combined high yield, high yield savings account.

We have combined everything finances.

And so I don't have a problem with her wanting to do something nice for her parents.

I love them and I want to do that for them too.

But the thing I have hold up on is the precedent that's set of, hey, whether you are on board

for this or not, this is on my heart and I'm going to do it, you know, no matter what.

All right.

So let me flip this around real quick.

Are you a person who can hear that conversation from her and honor it and figure out ways

to connect with her on it?

What do you mean by that?

Meaning sometimes we make bold statements like that, like I'm going with her without you

because the person we've been trying to communicate with is stuck in concrete.

And so anytime somebody says something that just sounds out of character or just sounds

wild, like you don't have permission, like you're all her mom and dad and some sort of

weird marriage, like anytime somebody says that, I always, there's just a personal thing.

I go to the mirror and see, have I made it hard for that person to connect with me?

Yeah.

I hear your question.

I don't think so.

I'm only saying that because the way I responded to that was, hey, I would love to do that

for them.

I support you.

I support you on our financial timelines, it was figure out where we can do that for

them.

Understand.

And she decided to hone in on the fact of, you know, she's my approval or something.

And she's saying that she doesn't need it because she paid off all this debt.

Okay.

And I just don't feel like that's us on the same page.

So that tells me, and John, strike me, strike me out of the conversation at any point.

But what this is telling me is there was some part of her while that process was happening

that she was doing it, but she didn't really want to do it.

Or she was feeling a type of way and never voiced it.

And now it's kind of like resentment is there, which you got to nip that in the bud with

the quickness.

Yes.

Scorekeeping will destroy relationships.

Oh, man.

Now, now, can I add something else to the conversation that it could be, but I don't think

it is.

And again, John, give me, if I'm out here.

I do think in marriage, there's times where we're trying to accomplish a greater good,

or we're trying to go in the direction that we say we want to go in that we value.

And one spouse will make a concession, right, in order to do so.

And then there are seasons where another spouse makes more of a concession to do so.

And there can be times where you're like, I feel like I'm making a lot of concessions.

And I want to feel like I'm being met also in the way of we're both sacrificing, right?

There's a part of that.

And I don't think that this is that, but I also just wanted to put space for that to

be there.

And if it is that, she has communicated it in a way that makes it seem like it's not

that bad.

Yeah.

So, here's your path forward, brother.

It's to back completely out of the money conversation for a minute.

Okay.

So money fights are almost always, we've been saying this for years, money fights are almost

always simply lights on the dashboard for a bigger issue under the hood.

And so here's the framework I want you to use walking into this.

Are you ready?

Aren't you to say, hey, I want to have a pretty heavy conversation with you.

Is now a good time or is this evening a good time?

If she says yes, great.

The next question is, the story I've made up is, okay, that's how I want you to approach

her.

The story I've made up is you resent having helped me pay off these student loans.

The story I'm choosing to make up is I thought we were together and it turns out we're

not.

The story I'm choosing to make up is you now feel like I owe you that somehow I'm less

than somehow you're just going to make these decisions like a cowboy or a cowgirl.

And then the next one is, here's how I feel about that.

That makes me feel small.

Makes me feel like we're not on the same team and give her a chance to respond to that.

Because what you're talking about there is, hey, you're being humble and saying, I'm

making up a story here because you don't know what is going on in her heart and mind.

But Anne, you're telling her exactly how you feel about it and you're giving her space

to say, actually, that's not happening at all or giving her space to say, you know what?

I said that wrong or giving her space to say, yeah, I've been harboring a lot of resentment.

And if that's the case, you've got to deal with that now because it will burn your marriage

to the ground.

Yeah, I've got you.

If you come at her using you statements, you said this, you did this.

She's going to wall up and fight you back because that's the word you is often a declaration

of war when you're mad, when you're frustrated, using that and I always try and frame things

when I have a, you know, whenever we have like a disagreement or discussion, I always try

and isolate the behavior and not the person.

That way, I'm not saying you are this thing.

I'm saying this behavior made me feel a certain way.

Okay, I want you to go one step further.

Just start to hold conversation with the letter I.

I made this story up about what just happened and I feel this kind of way about it.

Okay.

Because even isolating the behavior, it's kind of a work around to an accusation, right?

But you say in the word I, you take an ownership, this is what I'm making up and this is how

I feel about this saying gives her an opportunity.

It's an invitation to respond.

And if she says screw you, if she says I don't care, she says I've been doing all this

for you.

And now I'm going to finally do something for myself, y'all got to get on the same page

with that deal.

And can I just add a piece to that?

If it is, I will almost, because I'm listening to this and there's part of me that's going,

you guys are newlyweds, I'm actually really glad this is coming up now instead of later.

And I might add that in and say, if I, if I'm right, if I'm feeling this and it's accurate,

just hear me say I'm glad that this is happening now, then later, because this is something

I want to work out because this is how she rolls is going to show up in the home you

buys, going to show up the kids you have, it's going to show up in the jobs you do or don't

take.

It's going to show up the rest of your life.

And so getting back on the same page now, giving her an opportunity to explain, here's

what I meant, here's what I was feeling, here's what's going on inside her spirit.

Man, that's a, that's a blessing and a gift.

And like Jay said, every couple I've ever met goes through things like this.

And the fact that you're, you're having this happen early on and you have the courage

to face it head on, man, that's awesome.

That's really good.

So you're going to do it.

You'll have the conversation.

Yeah, I'm going to have the conversation.

I think it's also not even just about the car thing.

I think it's more about what you said earlier about scorekeeping because my student, my

student loan debt that was paid off gets brought up in a myriad of conversations, not just

this one.

Okay.

Yeah.

It's always like my behavior or her behavior is justified or mine's just, you know, disregarded

because, you know, the student loan debt once existed.

How much was it?

It was like keeping brought up.

It was a hundred and twenty thousand dollars of student loan debt.

Yeah.

That's tough.

It's definitely something to work out.

And you might need, you might need some mediation like you might need a counselor to help

you be able to speak about it in a way that's like not harmful, but you're making progress

and not just circling around it.

It sounds like maybe she is.

And both things can be true here, right?

She signed up for, to marry a guy.

It's tough.

With a hundred and twenty grand and as super frustrating.

It's tough.

Yes.

She's allowed to have her feelings hurt and she's allowed to be annoyed and allowed

to be frustrated.

And also she made a commitment.

You and I ride her diet till death, it was part.

And so both things can be true.

You can feel all kinds of ways, but you got to be emotionally mature and go do the next

right thing.

That's right.

Statistics show that half of Americans don't have enough life insurance or they don't

have any at all.

I don't understand this, John.

Why don't people want to take care of their family?

They think they're going to die or something?

Well, I used to be one of those guys.

I didn't even think about it.

And one of my buddies said, hey, the only reason to not have life insurance is if you hate

your wife and kids and I immediately went and got term life insurance.

That's a gut punch.

Oh, you're telling me for decades, Dave, I've sat across people who've lost a spouse,

they've lost somebody important to them and they don't know what to do next.

Me too.

I mean, you're going to have a crisis here and you know, you got two options while you're

sitting and talking to a young widow.

She's concerned about how she's going to invest all this money properly and not miss

this up or she's concerned how she's going to eat tomorrow.

That's exactly true.

These are the two options.

And turn your dad gum family.

Turn life insurance can replace income half, dad's cover funeral expenses so your family

can actually have the opportunity to just be sad to just miss you.

That's exactly what it's supposed to be.

It's saying I love you to your family, term life insurance, Jeff Zander and the team of

Zander Insurance makes it easy and affordable.

I've used them personally for 25 years of the only people I trust go to Zander.com or

call 800-356-4282.

All right, let's get back to the phone lines where we have John who's in Reno, Nevada,

which by the way, whenever I think of Reno, Nevada, I think of the movie Sister Act, it

will always be that way.

I'm sorry, John.

How can we help today?

Hey guys, it's pleasure to be on the phone with you.

How are you doing today?

Doing good.

How can we help?

Um, good.

Um, so my wife and I are in around $86,000 in debt.

And I'm considering moving us to the hood.

What is that mean?

Tell me more.

Not to the hood.

What does that mean?

Yeah.

It's not the area I'm considering, uh, we're considering is it's not the best.

It's not the worst.

It's certainly, uh, not what we're used to though.

Sorry, I'm still, I'm still processing.

Well, I mean, if you're trying to have $86,000 of debt, very little if anything of your

old life should look like what you're going through.

That's true.

Yeah.

That's fair.

So if you say, um, I don't know where I come from, that can be kind of a derogatory term.

Like if, if you're telling me, hey, we're going to move to a way cheaper place to live, um,

maybe bikes in a car or two in the yard or whatever, but it's a safe place to live.

We're going to do our life and we're going to pay off our debts.

I would say do it today.

Oh, okay.

If you say I'm going to put me and my family in harm's way, we're going to be unsafe.

Then I would say that's not wise.

Okay.

That's fair.

Yeah.

I'm with John going to a lower, uh, lower cost apartment, great, uh, trading in your car

for a beater, great, um, if the hood is a place where there's certain people, then we

might have issue, but if you're just like, hey, I'm just really trying to cut down my

lifestyle, then by all means, get on it, dude, get on it, jump on it.

All right.

Thank you.

And by the way, if you say the words or think the words, this isn't how it used to be,

you're probably on the right track.

We used to be able to go out to eat and now we're not anymore good.

We used to drive really fancy cars with insane payments every month and we're not anymore.

Good.

We used to have a house that we couldn't afford or live in a super fancy apartment and

we could barely make rent and now we're living at a way smaller place and in kind of a

dive apartment for a season, good, good, and good.

Okay.

You got to make radical changes, man, but also you got to keep yourself safe.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Yeah.

Tell us.

Tell us more.

I'm going to say.

Okay.

Well, right now we are rent is about 2500.

I also have two.

We also have two kids.

How's it going to say I hear him back here?

Yeah.

We got two kids.

I work nights overnight as a truck driver.

I go to Sacramento and back, which is about 130 miles away.

So from about, I don't know if I should put my hours on gone, but I'm gone for about 12

to 14 hours.

What do you bring in every month doing that?

I bring in 16, 900.

Okay.

And does your wife bring in any?

I know she's taking care of the kids, but does she bring any income in?

Yeah.

She brings in about a thousand dollars a month.

Okay.

So on that income, I mean, you're almost at 8,000 bucks a month, you should be able

to float.

I mean, it's a little over, but the $2,500 rent, it's not the thing that's 100% breaking

you.

But I mean, how much cheaper do you think you could go and still be in an environment

that's good for you guys and safe for you and whatever?

Well, I'm going to be honest, I think that the $900 is, it says, I mean, those things

are like 1,300 and they're like in areas that are similar.

And I kind of figure like, hey, if I'm going to go 1,300 and be in a similar area, might

as well just go down to the cheapest I can find.

Yeah.

Why not?

It's the one bedroom.

Yeah.

And dude, just know, make a deal with you and your wife.

This is for a short season.

My wife and I sold our house and moved into a residence hall into a college dorm with

a toddler for what we did it for one year and it completely transformed our life.

Yeah.

If your wife is on board and it's accomplishing, it's taking all the boxes, yeah, why not?

You guys are young, now's the time to do it.

Again, it's not the be all-in doll, it's not forever.

But yeah, why not?

But here's a way to burn a hole through your marriage, brother.

If you're paying $2,500 now and you find a place for a thousand and that $1,500 is not

piling on whatever else y'all can come up with to pay off this debt and it just slowly

goes away and door dash orders and you come home with some cool, I don't know, speakers

or whatever, you come home with something, that's going to end up being a big problem.

So if y'all make this commitment, make it for a season and be really diligent about

getting this debt knocked out.

Yeah, that's all you can do.

Thank you for the call.

That's a good one.

All right, let's go to Justin, who's in Houston, Texas.

Hey, what's up, Justin?

Not too much y'all doing today.

We're doing good.

How can we help?

I just really have a question about my wife and I both work.

We just had our third child, three girls for us and was just really looking for some advice

or how to decide if my wife should continue to work or if she should be at home mom.

She recently got a new job where she's making pretty good money, working fully remote.

But she's struggling with the, you know, should she stay at home or should she keep

working?

What does she want to do?

She doesn't know.

She's torn.

I think part of the challenge is experience-wise, she was a school teacher for a long time.

She's gotten into some good work and this job is really through a couple of connections

and I think she recognizes that and it's going to be hard to replicate if she were to take

a break and be a mom for a couple years.

But I think her heart's telling her that might be the direction she wants to go.

Yeah.

Is there any financial weight of this that we should consider?

The struggle we have right now, she makes like I said, good money.

It's comparing the daycare cost to that and really money-wise, it's not really an issue.

Okay.

You don't need the money.

We don't need the money.

Okay.

You know, there's no wrong or right answer on this, right?

This is completely a values-based question.

I would be looking at a way to do this.

I have found that when I'm making really major decisions like this, what really helps

me is to figure out all the variables that are actually weighing in on my decision that

I'm not even aware of.

So that's why I asked, is there a financial thing that could be somewhere in the back of

her mind?

Is there some expectation she might be feeling from you that's somewhere in the back of

her mind?

Is there any other variables to this other than what a great opportunity, right?

Sure.

And that makes a lot of sense and I think, you know, again, my view is I think she's always

worked her whole life.

So I think part of her is feeling like she'd be giving up some independence perhaps.

There you go.

I'm fully retired.

I'm fully reliant on me to take care of the family, but I think you also recognize

that salary-wise, I'm three or four experts, so it's not really an issue at this point,

right?

Yeah.

I've watched my wife.

I call it the, and Jade, tell me if you resonate with this, I call it the American

mother guilt factory.

There's not really a way to win, right?

It's not.

And I've watched my wife who was a gangster research professor, a small business owner,

and then a full-time mom and then a teacher navigate these identities.

And that's the part as her husband, I way underestimated is the weight of, I'm a professional

versus I am a stay at home.

And I should always feel like I should be doing something else.

The way we've navigated this in our house, Jade, is we always make short-term decisions,

meaning let's try this for a season.

You can always change.

And if this job doesn't work out, she's proven to herself, there are people who will hire

me and I do bring value, and so I'm going to go all in, I'm going to go full commit to

stay in at home for six months or a year.

And then we're going to circle back up and see if this is still the right path, or I'm

going to quit this job, go, I mean, I'm going to stay in this job full-time and I'm going

to do that for six months or a year and see how we are all, how our house is operating,

how I feel, how you feel, how we're working together.

And I think that the trap feels like either decision is a forever decision and it's just

not.

Yeah, I think that's exactly how she feels is whatever is, and any of the either decision

is going to be a permanent, and I work on that one.

Yeah.

So do the next right decision for this season.

Yeah, you've got time.

I love that idea, and there's also maybe there's a world where she works part-time and she's

a little bit doing, you know, we're in the boss hat and a little bit we're in the mom

hat.

So, finally, mortgage rates have dropped, and you know what that means, people who've

been sitting on the sidelines are about to jump back in to the housing market.

So, if you've been waiting to buy, this could be your window, but you've got to be prepared

and do it the Ramsey way.

You need to contact Churchill Mortgage.

Their home buyer-edge program gives you peace of mind in a wild market.

You can cap your rate for 90 days, so if rates go up, you're protected.

If rates go down, Churchill will drop yours automatically.

And get this, Churchill will even back your offer with a $10,000 seller guarantee.

So, if your loan falls through due to financing, the seller still gets paid.

That's how confident Churchill is.

Plus, when you shop as a Churchill certified home buyer, it's stronger than pre-approval.

It makes you look like a cash buyer, which makes your offer rise to the top.

So, don't let this moment pass you by.

Get ready now.

Go to Churchill Mortgage.com to get started today.

This is Churchill Mortgage.com.

This is a paid advertisement.

Home buyer-edge and seller guarantee are available for qualifying borrowers and select

loan types only, and not available in all state-to-locations.

In the MSID 1591, in the MS Consumer Access.org Eagle Housing Lender.

Jade, I want to rally America together to wish you a happy birthday.

Happy birthday.

Thank you.

I appreciate it.

21 is a big one.

You can drink now.

That's the whole thing.

It's, John.

I mean, come on.

Just tell them the truth.

I'm 35.

I've been 36.

I've been 35 for about seven years now, and it's a great age.

That's awesome.

I would not.

I would have put money on 28 or younger.

Thank you.

Well, after having talked about that, let's talk about something even more troubling,

which is tax season.

OK, it doesn't have to be troubling, though.

If you have a simple tax situation, like if you haven't had any major life changes or

big investments, you could really just use Ramsey Smart Tax.

Ramsey Smart Tax is affordable, and it keeps filing simple plus.

It has built-in support in case you need a little help.

Filing early means getting the best deals, and you get the tax stress off your shoulders.

So as soon as you get all your tax documents, go on and go to RamseySolutions.com slash

Smart Tax and start filing immediately.

OK, let's go to the phone lines.

We've got Christine and Newark, New Jersey.

Hi, Christine.

Hi.

Thank you for taking my call.

You're welcome.

How can we help today?

So I'm one of those, huh?

I'm trying to figure out, yeah, yes, it is.

Definitely one of those.

Hey, do me a favor.

Talk directly into your phone, former Christine.

Oh, OK, sorry.

Perfect.

Thank you.

Is it a little bit better?

OK.

Go for it.

So I put myself into a lot of debt, and I was trying to be proactive in this situation.

And I joined one of these, like, debt relief programs, where you pay monthly, and then there's

a settlement fee or whatever.

And being in that process, I actually helped my ex-boyfriend get a car, and he got that

car we both.

So now I'm accumulating more debt outside of what I already have in my creditors, that

relief program.

My question is, is it best for me to maybe just file for bankruptcy, because I'm still

getting calls from the other creditors who are in my debt relief program?

I'm just trying to negotiate or setting notifications about whatever the bonds that are owed.

And now I'm accumulating even more debt outside with the repo.

And it's uncontrollable for me right now.

I'm paying maybe $366 towards the debt relief program to three creditors, and I'm only

paying one of the creditors at this point, and I'm thinking it's going to take years

to try to get all of them settled.

And I don't want to keep on to confessing in something that's just going to, I don't

know, not hopefully I can, so I wasn't sure what to do.

Well, yeah, that's very stressful.

If you're making many deep breaths right now, I understand that, and you should keep

doing that.

So let me just make sure I understand the repo car.

Your name was on the repo car?

Yes, it is.

Yeah.

Was it rolled into the debt relief, or it's just separate, and they're just coming

after you for the difference?

Exactly.

Yeah.

It was not part of the debt relief, it's separate, and it's been after me too.

Understood.

What is, let me talk about the repo car first.

What is the deficit that they're coming after you for?

14,000.

Oh, girlfriend.

Okay.

They've already auctioned the car off, or is it?

Yep.

Okay.

It's already taken.

Yeah, I can't get it.

Yeah.

Okay.

And you don't know where your ex-boyfriend is?

I do, and I don't.

I try to know contact type of situation, so.

No contact.

Okay.

So I'm just going to hit you with something that just really, really, really sucks, and

I think you know this.

That is, it's on you, girl.

Unfortunately, when you sign, when you co-sign with somebody, you're just as liable for

the debt, and you could say, if you said, I'm not going to pay it, you're just going

to feel the dings and the dings and the dings and the dings on your credit.

And I feel like it's more so about it digging up your piece because they're calling you,

right?

So you're going to have to add this to your snowball, and I hate to tell you that.

It is a lesson learned the hard way.

Sorry.

So what's your total debt load that you're trying to get relief from?

So three creditors, one is $11,000, another is like $7,000, $8,000, and then another is $6,000.

Okay.

So in that, in that ex-relationship, like I pretty much, one was alone, and then two are

credit cards that I kind of maxed out just so I can leave the situation and get an apartment

on my own.

Understood.

I maxed out.

So what do you make a year?

A year?

Well, I know I bring home maybe like $38, $39 a month.

Okay.

And then there's overtime and things like that, so.

What's overtime?

What does it look like?

On a month where you do some good overtime.

You know what?

To be honest, that's actually, I want to say that's including the overtime.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

I always like to know where people's housing fits in that equation because if you're paying

too much for your housing, it throws this whole thing off-kilter.

So what are you paying for housing?

So right now, I'm in an apartment complex and it's like $1892.

Okay.

That's what's eaten your lunch.

Oh, Christine.

That's a tap your income.

Mm-hmm.

So I'm literally, like, I'm living, like, I'm living, like, to take the paycheck.

Yeah.

I'm in one of those, like, stupid app situations where, like, you can borrow from your next paycheck.

Oh, no.

Stop.

Yeah, I know.

I'm telling you.

This is what I've been to myself.

I know, I know.

Okay.

That's what you're sorry.

Okay.

We're both on your side.

Yeah, we're on your side.

But you got to stop.

Are you with us?

Yeah, I'm here.

Okay.

All right.

So here's what.

When's your lease up?

Mm-hmm.

It would be next June.

Okay.

Is it a one bedroom or a two?

It's actually a three bedroom.

I have three kids with me.

So we have you and three kids with me.

Yeah, three kids.

Okay.

So what I try to do is I'd go to the leasing office and I'd say, hey, because I'm pretty sure

you can do this.

If you just say, hey, I just want to switch apartments in the complex.

This one, I'm having a heart.

This one's just too much for me.

I want to go down to a two bedroom or I want to go down to a, you know, a one bedroom.

But maybe I put, whatever you have to do, I put myself on the, on the fold out couch.

And I put two bedrooms and one, two kids in one room.

And if there's a baby, I put the baby in the crib next to me, right?

That's what you need to do.

ASAP.

Because with three kids, I will hate myself saying, you need to work more, right?

Nothing.

That feels very impossible.

I'm sure there's something you can do.

But I feel like the bigger way that you can make an impact is on that line item on your

budget and basically to cut it down to, I don't know, 1,000, 1,100, somewhere in that range.

Do you see what I'm saying?

No, yeah, I understand.

Right.

And it's going to feel terrible.

You're going to feel like, I have three kids.

I'm making them share a room.

I'm uprooting their life.

I'm making them.

You're going to make them understand what it looks like to write wrongs and make things right.

And that's the lesson that you're going to be teaching them doing this.

So tell yourself that when you start beating yourself up.

Jay, would you recommend she quit paying on this debt relief nonsense?

Yeah, let's go to that.

That's super debt relief.

Done.

It's a scam.

The reason that they're calling you?

The reason they're calling you is because the way those places work is they say, pay us the money.

We're going to hold it in a pool basically.

And we're going to wait until these creditors get desperate and they're ready to make a deal.

That's why they're calling you because they haven't been paid.

And so you've probably paid a bunch into a pool.

How much have you paid in?

So I've been in this debt relief for maybe like two years now.

Oh, gosh.

And nothing's been paid off.

And nothing's been paid off because the rest of it was like the larger amount of creditors is the one that offered first.

And I accepted it because I didn't know at the time, you know, what to do.

So that's the $11,000 one.

And it's like, I haven't made a dent in it.

Yeah. So we're getting out of that today.

If I were you, I'd call them up and say, I don't want to keep doing this anymore.

What's going to happen?

And just make sure you read through what the contracts said so that you can come into the conversation and say, hey,

I want to get out of this.

I realize this is what I must pay or this is the penalty because there's going to be some penalty fee.

And just realize this was not that way out.

There's a couple of things, Christine, that you're going to pay what we call here, stupid tax, which is, it's really, I didn't know tax.

And you're going to feel that.

And it's going to be in way of, I spent years paying a debt relief program to get nowhere.

And unfortunately, I co-signed on alone.

But what you're going to find is doing this on your own.

You were going to go so much further faster.

Christine's going to pick up.

We're going to set you up with every dollar.

And there's free coaching on there.

I want you to call the number to get a couple of minutes of free coaching so you can figure out your next right steps.

And call us back anytime you need us.

We'll be here to help you.

If collectors are blowing up your phone every day and you're living in constant fear of the next call, you're not living, you're surviving.

You don't need more noise or more stress.

You need help you can trust.

That's why I recommend Guardian Litigation Group.

Guardian isn't a call center reading from a script.

They're real attorneys who can step into the courtroom and fight back when creditors try to sue you.

Dead settlement isn't glamorous.

It's not the preferred path.

I'd still rather see you pay it off the old-fashioned way.

But if you're overwhelmed out of options and trying to avoid bankruptcy, Guardian can help quiet the chaos and give you a real way forward.

With no upfront fees, their attorneys have helped more than 55,000 people settle over $600 million in debt.

And when the noise stops, you can breathe again.

To learn more, go to guardianlit.com slash ramsy.

That's guardianlit.com slash ramsy.

It's any advertising.

Results may vary and no specific outcome is guaranteed.

Welcome back to the ramsy show in the Fairwinds Credit Union studio.

We're going back to the phone lines where we have Ethan, who is in my favorite place, Miami, Florida.

What's going on, Ethan?

Hey guys, how are you guys doing?

Doing great. How can we help today?

So, I'm trying to keep it brief for you guys.

I, more or less, have put myself in a hole over the last six months or so.

Made some dumb decisions and have locked myself in a financial bond.

I recently moved to Miami for work back in October.

And it was about a $10,000 move.

And to make it happen, I had to borrow money across some different avenues to make the move.

My rent is right at $3,000 a month.

Late last year, I actually bought my wife a new car because she needed a car.

And the payment for that is around $900 a month.

Good.

God almighty.

That's a lot of money.

Yeah, it's pretty bad.

What's the full balance of the vehicle?

We owe about $50,000 on it.

Wow.

Okay.

And we're actually underwater.

I've already looked in to try to.

I'm sorry.

I used the wrong phrase.

We're upside down on it.

What could you get?

What's it saying for private sale?

About 30.

Oh, is it an is it a EV?

It is a 2025 grand jerokee.

How much do you make it a month, dude?

How much do you bring home?

My salary is right at $6,000 a month.

What about your wife?

My wife says they stay at home.

How in the world did you figure a $50,000 vehicle?

My wife has very good credit.

The dealer who sold it to us used my income as the household income using her credit.

So we hope we hope we.

All right.

Let's do this.

Let's don't let's don't blame anybody.

Let's say I'm not.

I'm in irresponsible part.

Yeah.

It's fully on me.

I take full responsibility.

How many kids you'll have?

One son is eight months.

This is a hard truth that I'm putting on the table.

Y'all put yourself in a position where I don't believe you can afford right now to uphold this value that you're holding.

Which is we want her to stay at home with our kid for right now.

Y'all have a huge mess.

That can be solved in a year and two years of everybody pitching in and going full bore.

But bro, I mean, you're under water.

Is that it?

Is it just the, I mean, when I say just, is there anything to add to the pile of the $10,000 you borrowed plus the $20,000 your upside down?

Is there more debt?

I believe that that's about it.

The 10,000 spread across a couple of different avenues.

Are there people like family members?

Did you borrow from family members?

Yes.

Okay.

Okay. So the good news is that's probably, I mean, the way the debt snowball works.

It's advantageous for the family members that you borrowed from.

And it's also advantageous for you because whenever there's people, you know, you've loaned money to family.

It's just very, very sticky.

And I want to clean that up for you.

Here's the thing.

Making $100,000 a year is not what it once was.

And what happens is you get the salary and you're like, yes, I make it six figures.

And it feels like it's going to be a way.

And then you're like, I made it to the pinnacle.

John Deloney, I remember, that was the goal for ever.

Oh, that was.

If you can make $100,000.

Yes.

And then it's like, if I do that, I can get the place I want.

I can get the car I want.

I can live it.

It was like, that was the unlock.

It's not.

It's just not.

The way the world is, how expensive stuff is, and don't add a little bit of debt to it, right?

That money dwindles very quickly, which is what you're experiencing.

Am I right, Ethan?

Um, yes, that's right.

Yeah.

To add to the situation is, I am like paycheck to paycheck right now.

It's because of your rent, buddy.

It's because your rent, Ethan, is 50% of your take home pay.

There is no extra.

There's nothing left.

I understand.

It'd be a very reasonable spender.

But when your rent is 50% of your take home pay, everything is tight.

So first things first, um, first things first is we need to find a cheaper spot.

Now, you're in Miami.

Is there a way to go a little bit north?

Can we go, you know, to an area that's less expensive?

Can you go?

Do you see what I'm saying?

I believe so the whole issue with moving is just the lease, um, to break the lease.

How much is it going to be two months?

It's two months to break the lease.

Okay, but think about that.

If you keep this around for the rest of the year that you owe it, think about how much you're going to be throwing away.

If you can find a place, uh, that you guys can let you have a eight month old, they take up this much space.

You can find a place that's a one bedroom and the baby's crib or, you know, their stuff is in your room or you put the baby in the living room.

This is the time we had a caller earlier.

This is the time to do the sacrifice.

The kids are young.

You guys are young.

You get in a one bedroom.

You spend half the amount.

You see what I'm saying?

You go a little bit north.

Maybe you have a little bit more of a commute.

But it could be worth it to you.

What kind of work did you move to Miami to do?

So I'm active duty military.

Okay.

Is there an allowance of some sort?

I'm sorry.

Do you get any allowance?

Housing allowance or anything like that?

Yeah, so our BAH is 3,200 and our rent is 29 and some change.

Like within the BAH range, we're actually within the budget.

But is that part of the 6K or is that in addition to?

That's part of the 6.

So it doesn't matter at that point.

Yeah, you're underneath your housing allowance, but you're overall monthly income.

It's still more than 50.

Therefore, yeah, what I said still rings true.

So the key here is we got to cut the rent in half at the least.

Can you go live on base for a year?

We don't have that option on this base.

Okay.

Yeah.

And then what I am going to do, and I hate to say this, but yeah, I'm going to go down to the credit union.

If your wife's credit is still good before you start missing payments, go down there and say,

we want a loan.

We need a loan for the difference here.

We need a loan for $20,000.

And what's better, the only thing better than paying off $50,000 with paying off $20,000.

Okay.

So instead of having a $50,000 loan, now you have a $20,000 loan.

And now that frees up a couple more hundred bucks in your budget every single month.

$900.

Yeah, do you see how that works?

Minus the $20,000.

Jeez.

I can't actually know what it looks like.

Yeah, so that's what I want you to do, Ethan.

None of this is going to be pretty nor fun.

Okay.

This is going to be something that you're going to look back on, you know, 15 years from now,

and go, oh my gosh, remember that apartment?

Oh my gosh.

Remember when we got that loan, and by the way, get the loan for $25,000 so that you can get it, you know,

have a little $5,000 card that you drive.

Okay.

That's the way this works.

Yeah.

Most people just drift through life with their money, no plan, no budget, stuck on autopilot.

But winning with money is intentional.

That's why I love Fairwinds Credit Union.

They've built tools for people who don't want gimmicks or games.

Their smart bundle includes a high yield savings account to help your emergency fund grow,

and their spend smart checking account won't nickel and dime you to death with fees like

other banks.

Plus, it comes with the Ramsey Be Weird debit card, which says, debt is normal.

Be weird, right on the front of it.

It keeps you connected to your budget, and every time you use it, it's a reminder.

You control your money, not the other way around.

Fairwinds Credit Union is for people who are serious about taking control of their money.

So if you're ready to stop drifting and start building wealth on purpose, open your smart

bundle today at fairwinds.org slash Ramsey.

That's fairwinds.org slash Ramsey ensured by the NCUA.

All right, back to the phone lines where we have Claire, who's in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania,

high Claire.

How can we help today?

Oh, yeah.

So I have a question about how to start a conversation with my family about some student

loans.

My mom helped me take out some parent cloth loans, they're all under her name.

I went to college about $36,000 work.

But the verbal agreement from me is that I wanted to help her pay them back.

But now that it is time for me to pay them back, because I am out of college and they are

coming due, she is requesting the $36,000 payment in school.

But when I look back on my tuition bills, she received $17,000 in refunds that she never

put back towards the loans.

So I'm trying to figure out how to start that conversation of, I am not paying you $36,000.

I am only going to pay the amount that I used rather than, yeah, so it's, I don't know,

it's been interesting.

And I don't know how to start that conversation.

Okay.

So can we cut right to the chase here?

Yeah.

Your mom and a man, I hate to say this.

This one hurts to say your mom is deceiving you.

She's lying to you.

And I just have a personal rule that if I'm dealing with somebody who lacks integrity,

A, I'm going to make sure I don't lose my character in the process.

And B, I'm going to be very clear about what I will and will not do.

And I will see that through.

Because trying to preserve the relationship, she's already burned it to the ground.

She's trying to extort you for $17,000 more dollars.

That's wild.

Yeah.

Right?

That's madness.

A parent of integrity.

If I did this with my kid, I would say, hey, dude, I actually spent $17,000 on my own.

You owe me this much money.

Right.

It's a lot.

It's not a number that you forgot.

Like, oh, I forgot I did that.

Honestly, honestly, I would print the bill out and go sit with her and say, this is

what was paid for my bill.

I don't know how much you ended up taking out or how much you had deposited.

Into your accounts.

Where's the other $17,000?

Yeah.

She did let me log into her, like, parent plus loan portal so I can see how much she really

did take out.

Because for me and all of my sisters, but I had a feeling because then that would have

made my schooling a total of $64,000 for three years and I only went to a state school.

So that price didn't really make sense plus I was, like, in state.

So I did some research and now I have to figure out how to have this conversation.

Now, you got math on your side.

You have bills and math on your side.

I think it's a pretty straightforward conversation when it comes to what you owe.

I think it's a harder conversation about what her choice to lie to you has done to your

relationship.

I'm trying to find any reason this might be different.

Is there any way that, like, during that, did she buy you a car during that time?

She paid your car insurance and your food and rent?

So I lived at home.

So no, there was one year I did move out on lived off campus with some roommates, but

I paid my rent.

I also, like, paid myself some bill to her.

She did buy a plan for me.

You're breaking up on us, Claire.

Yeah, you're cutting out on us.

Oh, there you go.

There you go.

You lived at home.

You paid rent, but there was one time when what?

A meal plan.

Yeah.

It was like $2,000 and I figured if it became a super big issue, I would offer to pay that

back too.

Listen, if meal plan is part of school, I might add that back in and say that, say, hey,

I looked it up.

Here's what I found.

You know, slider the paper like they do when they, when you make a negotiation and say,

now I do know that there was the one semester where you paid for my meal plan.

I know that that was $2,000.

I don't know if that's part of this.

I don't see it.

You know, try to have some good will there, I think, but I agree with what John said, man.

This is dirty.

Yeah, I hate this for you.

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

I would commit walking in the door to what your boundaries are going to be on this one

and play it as straight as possible.

And the best you can, this is going to be hard because it's your, it's your freaking

mom.

But keep your wits about you and keep your integrity and keep your character and don't

yell, don't scream, don't make accusations, just be very clear.

And luckily for you, this is all, this is all tracked, right?

You can see what she took out.

You can actually probably go to the college and get the, the bill that was transferred to

the day bills were paid.

I mean, you can do some a little bit of forensic accounting here and figure out exactly what

she paid and exactly what she kept for herself.

Wow.

Shouldn't have to be like that.

Jade, I've heard this over and over and over again, working with college students.

I feel like we are in the era of the parent plus loan.

I feel like we are getting so many calls about that.

I don't know if it just happened, you know, in that, it's not the era.

It's the bills are coming due for that era.

Yes.

Oh my gosh.

And I just, yeah.

I mean, obviously, if you sign a parent plus loan, the parent is the one on the loan.

And usually what's gone awry here is there is some sort of verbal agreement either you

will pay or you won't pay.

And then the time passes and inevitably someone forgot.

Right.

Either someone forgot or they change it.

If you're in a position where you need to borrow a ton of so much money that you need

to get a full Stafford loan and get a parent plus loan, then you're in a financial situation

that's already challenging.

And when they write you a blank check and they're like, hey, we're going to send you

20 in the bills, only 15.

It takes another level of integrity and another level of discipline to not spend

that five.

Oh, yeah.

Because it feels like it just got free deposit.

That's a problem for future us.

We'll deal with it later.

Yeah.

And my daughter's going to be rich one day.

She can cover it.

And that's not the agreement we made.

It's not.

Plus, it's a fraudulent use of student loan money to be honest with you.

It was 100%.

It is.

Yes.

So, yeah.

But this, Jay, I cannot tell you how often I heard this story from college students, parents

would take out loans in their children's name and use that money to pay for stuff around

the house or whatever.

And it just became an off book stimulus program in a way.

Yeah.

Because you get the amount of money needed for that's a lot of to you for the semester.

The semester, so say you get, I don't know, I'm making this up.

Say you get $7,000, but you only need $5,000.

The, quote, refund, $2,000, just sitting there.

It's like, well, I may as well take it.

It's real hard to not.

Man.

Not so much money back.

What's the moral of the story, children, to check your bill and make sure that your parents

aren't checking you.

I think any time you go into an agreement with somebody you care about, and there is financial

borrowing in between you two, just expect that that relationship is going to get sideways

at some point.

It's going to, and the best thing you can do, if you are listening and you're like, oh crap,

I think I have parent plus loans and I think that this could end up being me.

Try to jump on, like, don't wait.

Like, talk to that person today and say, what's the deal with this?

If you're thinking about taking out those types of loans, of course, I'm going to tell

you don't do it.

Please, just stop in the name of love.

And I know it's a tough conversation because let's take a minute and talk about this.

College is expensive.

It's filled with expectations on the student end and the parent end, right?

How many parents get so much pride over saying my school?

My kid goes to the school, yeah?

Yes.

And then there's the student who is probably one of the most emotional periods of their life,

making this decision.

And it's like, this is where all my friends are going and don't you want me to have this

college experience?

Oh, college is tuned the sales cycle to a 18-year-old, 17-18-year-old's feeling.

Yes.

You hear college students say, this was the one.

Right.

Like, you're choosing there.

And then there's like, I got a mortgage in my soul because they found the one, right?

It's madness.

And then there's the element of, I guess I'm going to call it some sort of shame because

what we're finding is a lot of parents are taking out parent plus loans and not telling

the student that they did it, not telling them that that's the way that this whole thing

is being funded.

And then it comes back to bite in the butt later.

So guys, our teaching on this is so solid and so clear.

If you can go to college, pay cash, okay?

And I know that that sounds what, Jade, you've lost your mind.

No, the way to do it is you have to start talking about it before you're 17.

You have to start talking about it very, very early setting that expectation.

Yes, you're going to school if it suits you because maybe college life doesn't even

suit you for the career that you want.

That's another conversation.

But make sure it said, hey, you don't have a college fund.

We may not have a 529.

We expect you to work part time or we expect that you'll go to a community college.

Whatever that is, parents, please have that conversation.

There's no shame in that game.

It is a privilege if you are able to pay for kids college and it is a privilege for both

the parent and the students.

If you're looking for a more budget-friendly way to save on medical costs and stay true

to your values, Christian Healthcare Ministries is a great option to think about.

CHM is not health insurance.

It's a health cost-sharing ministry, a biblical community-based way for Christians to share

each other's medical bills.

That means no enrollment deadlines and you can choose any doctor or hospital you want.

That kind of freedom is big, especially if you're self-employed between jobs or you just

need something that fits your budget better.

CHM has been around for decades, faithfully serving the Christian community, and many

members save hundreds of dollars a month compared to traditional health insurance.

And that margin gives you breathing room when you're working the baby steps and trying

to steward your money well.

And right now, CHM's offering new members a 50% credit towards their first month of

membership.

Get started at CHministries.org slash budgets and use promo code Ramsey.

That CHministries.org slash budget and promo code Ramsey.

One of our favorite things is when people share their stories of how they're winning.

And we just got this amazing review from our every dollar app.

This is what they said.

They said, I love this app.

It makes it super easy to budget with my husband.

We've implemented this practice since our wedding day and we've had zero money fights because

there's full transparency and we're on the same page.

That's what I would call a win.

Hey guys, you can do this too.

You can take control of your money.

You can change your family tree and you can live like no one else.

Go download our every dollar budget app.

Faux-free in the App Store or Google Play.

Love to hear it.

All right.

We've got John and Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

What's up, John?

Hey, how you doing?

What's up?

Hey, I was about a month ago or three weeks ago.

I was an unfortunate victim of a crime that has totaled my wife's car.

Yeah.

What is it?

It's unfortunate.

Wrong place.

Wrong time.

My question for you is we were about to start baby step six and now we're looking at options

for a new car and insurance is going to give me about $25,000 for the car that was

totaled.

My question to you is, is this an emergency fund situation where if we have an emergency

fund built up, we could put some of that toward a new car or does that not fall into

that bucket of emergency fund uses?

Well, what was your wife's car worth?

Usually they'll give you the value.

They did.

It was worth, yeah, it's worth $25,000.

So why wouldn't you just use the $25,000 to buy a $25,000 car and move on and continue with

baby step six?

Well, I figured that's what you're going to say.

The whole thing has been very emotional for us and my wife really loved her car.

And so we're dealing with this, you know, I can certainly go get a minivan for a six person

family for $25,000 easily, but it's not necessarily what she wants to drive it.

I know the trouble, you guys want to hear what happened, but it's just been so she was

going on a retreat with some of her work, ladies and the night before she said, hey,

could you go fill up my car with cash with your mind?

If it absolutely not, my wife was out and the son of I was going to get her a car wash

as well.

And at the car wash, I got held up at gun point for the car.

Oh, wow, they took, they took off, did they wreck it or something?

Uh, yeah, I won't bore you with all the details, but it is completely total.

Man, I'm sorry.

That's terrifying.

That's dramatic.

Yeah, it was, but we're working to it and that is good and there's a plan on all of

this.

I'm just trying to make the best decision moving forward.

Yeah, I, this, like if we were sitting together and we had an hour, just to hang out and

have some nachos, I would say this a lot kinder and I would take a lot longer to say this.

Okay.

So it's going to sound pretty abrupt.

Is that fair?

No, that's fair.

All right.

This is one of those moments where the line not by your hand, but in your lap really

rings true.

You trying to be a good husband, ended up in a wrong place, wrong time and somebody truly

victimized you and your family.

Sure.

And you have a mathematical reality to deal with today, right?

And so I, it's your emergency fund, right?

I mean, it's, it is what it is.

What I don't want you to do is to say, hey, this bad thing happened to us.

And since we really want something else, this is kind of our past to get the thing we

really want because what you're going to find is that momentary, hooray, I got this awesome

car is going to come at the expense of, well, now we've got to stop everything and build

up our emergency fund or we're going to have to make a car payment and you're going to

find yourself lower than you were before.

Yeah.

It's going to feel like a short.

It seems like the only way there is, is backward, you know, and that's not what we want

to do.

We don't want another car payment, but I don't, yeah, if you just try to, I think I'm

trying to make the situation easier than it is probably.

Now, I think you're trying to, I think you're continuing to try to be a noble and good husband

and a good man and try to take away that terrifying reality from your wife that sometimes

awful things happen.

And doing an emotional thing next, which is I'll go buy you whatever car you want.

It's going to be awesome and we're going to try to smooth over this pain with a not

really wise purchase on a depreciating asset isn't the, isn't the path forward, right?

Really grieving this moment of the path forward, going slow is the path forward.

Yeah, I agree.

How much money do you make here, brother?

Between the two of us, we're around $2.50.

Okay.

In all reality, if, and this is going to sound nutty, but if you just held off, could

you all one car it for a month and just score all the way everything you got?

Probably.

Well, it is a good question.

Probably not.

We just, we have four little kids, so we're somewhere between dropping into school and

my wife works a few days a week and I work every day to week.

And so it's just reality has been a little bit challenging the last three weeks.

We've actually been borrowing a car that my dad had available because my mom actually

recently passed away.

Okay.

There's just all sorts of stuff going on.

Yeah.

It sounds like a whole, whole lot of going on.

My, my recommendation to everybody when, when a lot of life is happening at the same time

is to make as few big decisions as possible, yeah, until the smoke clears.

If you could just look at your wife and say, Hey, we're going to white knuckle this thing

for 60 days, 60, that's it, two months and we're going to drive this borrowed car.

And we're going to save up another 10 or 15 grand.

And then we're going to go get whatever car you want.

Man, that's going to feel totally different.

Yeah, I agree.

Maybe most of the feeling eventually, I promise you it will be, but it will be super painful

right now.

It'll feel like just getting kicked again while you're down, right?

Yeah.

How much is in your emergency fund?

Oh, about 30,000.

Okay.

Yeah.

I think you're going to, I mean, how much would you pull out of there?

I don't know any, excuse me, anything similar to what we had is probably going to be after

tax or I'm 50k would be my guess.

Well, you're the car she was driving.

How old was it?

Because it wasn't worth 50k at the time of the accident.

No, no, no, it was 20, it was 2016, but I have very low miles on it.

And it's a lot of surprises, but I put new tires on it two days prior.

Of course she did.

Yeah.

Again, because you're a good husband, try and take care of your family.

I mean, can you afford on your salary to have a $50,000 car?

Yes, you can.

Do you have the cash today to buy it, to have a $50,000 car, not unless you have another

stash of liquid cash somewhere aside from your emergency fund?

I think that you would feel if you took your $30,000 emergency fund down to even 10 to do

this, I think that would make you feel I don't think you would like the way that fell

10 night.

Yeah.

I agree.

Not with four little kids.

Yeah.

And even if you took it in half and brought it down to 15, I still don't.

I mean, I could be wrong, John, but I don't think you would like the way that feels.

Yeah.

I mean, we really like to not having debt.

Exactly.

You know, it's hard to go backwards.

Yeah.

Which is why it's such a commitment in my mind.

Well, here's the thing.

Here's the thing.

If you buy something used, quite used, for 25,000, and you get something quite nice,

but quite used, you really, the vehicles really already taken the hit.

And in six months or in eight months, when you've saved up some more, you could sell

that vehicle really for probably what you paid for it and put another 10 or 15 with it

and get what you really want.

You could do that.

Yeah.

I agree.

Can I give you a psychological trick?

Whenever something happens to us like this, we feel like someone, whether it's the cosmos,

whether it's the thief, whether it's the, whatever, somebody owes us.

And that might be right in this sense, in this justice sense, but it's not true in stone

called feet on the concrete reality.

Yeah.

And so the more you live in this, that's not fair.

This isn't, I don't like this.

This shouldn't be this way.

The more you're, you're, you're divorcing yourself from the reality in front of you.

The other thing I want you to imagine, if this is the first big thing like this that would

happen in your life, this sounds harsh to say, but the world you had, I would even go

as far to say the marriage you had is over now.

You all are living in a post, somebody put a gun to your head and stole your car reality.

And so saying, okay, we're now moving forward.

What do we want this world to look like?

Do we want to go backwards financially, do we want to live in debt?

Do we want to really grieve what happened and recognize we need to keep our head on a

swivel, life's a little bit different now, and we're going to make the next right move

with the 25,000 bucks we got.

Like, stop trying to say it used to be, or we just want to get back to, or it's not fair.

Man, the path forward is, whew, this happened.

What are we going to do next?

What's the next right move for us?

Oning a business can be a heavy load.

You want to serve your customers well.

Make a healthy profit and grow, and your team, family, and customers are all counting

on you.

And now everybody's talking about AI, like it's magic, and you're wondering how to keep

up.

You're carrying a lot, but you don't have to do it all alone.

That's where NetSuite comes in.

Over 43,000 businesses, including Ramsey Solutions, use NetSuite to lighten the load by bringing

all their numbers into one system, accounting inventory, CRM payroll, the works, and now

NetSuite's AI takes it further.

Getting busy work, flagging inventory issues, spotting cash flow problems in real time,

and catching risks before they hit.

So you're not just closing the books faster, you're making decisions confidently.

And when your numbers are right, that takes a lot of pressure off your shoulders.

And yeah, switching systems is a big move.

But NetSuite's success process gets you up and running fast.

So to NetSuite.com, slash Ramsey for a free product tour and to schedule time with

a NetSuite wrap, that's NetSuite.com slash Ramsey.

The Ramsey Show question of the day is sponsored by YRIFI.

If your private student loans are in default, and other lenders said no, YRIFI could be your

next step.

YRIFI was built for this situation, helping borrowers refinance with a low fixed rate

and an affordable payment so you can get back to winning with money.

Check out YRIFI.com slash Ramsey.

That's the letter Y-R-E-F-Y dot com slash Ramsey.

Remember, it may not be available in all states.

Today's question comes from Elise in New Jersey, Elise writes, my partner and I have

a blended family, including four children.

When we discussed buying our home, we agreed that we would put both of our names on the

title and mortgage.

Bills are split between us, all right.

Bills are split between us with him paying more.

After we moved in together, I found out that he has wealth that he had not disclosed

to me.

He was awarded a million dollars from a lawsuit.

He draws on his disability, doesn't work, and makes more money than I do.

I wake up before dawn, go to work, and take care of 90% of the housework and kids' responsibilities.

I'm a livid finding out that he has such a large sum while I'm living paycheck to paycheck.

He buys himself $5,000 gifts whenever he wants and tells me like it's nothing.

Should I let my anger go or let my partner go?

Wooo, child.

That's wild.

John.

Listen.

Every once in a while, I ask myself, how long is this job going to last?

Then I read this and I'm like, we are going to be employed forever.

Man.

This is, okay.

She says, quote, she says, I'm livid while I'm living paycheck to paycheck, he buys this.

I don't think she's mad.

It's almost like, let's be clear about what the problem is.

The problem is not that he's spending some of the money.

The problem is not that he's telling you that he's spending the money.

The problem is that he lied and never told you this money was there to begin with.

He's deceitful.

He lied to her.

He rubs her nose in it and he's not a participant in the lifeblood of that home.

Not at all.

I for one, I mean, progress is possible, John.

Everybody can change like Rocky Balboa said, but for right now, I'd be like, I'm going

to be like, oh my gosh, I'm dodging a bullet by finding this out while we're still engaged.

They're still engaged, right?

Yeah.

Don't even say.

It just says, I heard her partner, so I'm assuming they're not married.

Otherwise, I hope they would have put spals, but they did buy a house together.

And they have, they blended their kids.

So at least, yes, I think you have dodged a bullet like the Matrix.

Yeah.

Should I let my anger go or let my partner go is the ending question.

I rarely say this, this directly, but I think this is one that I say, by fully shown out.

I would.

I mean, if you wanted to, it's easy for us to say on this, and if you wanted to go further

in on this and be like, listen, this is so not okay with me, the only way that we can

go forward is to have like some intense, intense, some type of counseling to try to repair

this.

Sure.

Well, the relationship you thought you had is over.

It's not even the same person.

It's screwed out, right?

How it is, do I want to rebuild the life with a person?

And what would that look like?

And I'm going to give him a path back to re-earning trust.

And it would be from not re-earning because he never had it.

It's going to start from square one, like we got to tell the truth with each other.

We have to support each other.

We're not going to Venmo each other for light bills and water bills.

We're going to, our money is going to go in one pot and we are going to pay our bills.

Okay.

This is madness.

It's madness.

But and at least I'm kind of pivoting from you, but going to the larger conversation

here.

Here's the problem with this whole deal because at least you're not the first one who's

called in with a situation where kind of the story changed, right?

I was with this person.

Once we made this leap over here, now I'm seeing the real them, right?

Here's what happens.

And John, this is really your avenue.

So I'm kind of just, I'm about to give you the assist here.

And I want you to like, I'll let you dump it, like break the backboard.

The problem when you enter into a relationship and there's no real commitment and you say,

okay, to everything, okay.

You want to combine our families and we're not married, okay.

You want to have sex and we're not married, okay.

You want to move in and we're not married, okay.

You want to buy a house together?

You want to buy a house together and we're not married, okay.

Do you want to keep our money separate, even though the rest of our life is fully together?

Okay.

You are setting in many ways, you are setting yourself up to be a sitting duck for this

sort of thing because this person can say, hey, we never actually committed.

There was never actually a thing where I said, all in, therefore, why do I have to?

Well, it's going further.

This guy would say, hey, as she wrote, we agreed.

We agreed exactly what we agreed to.

Exactly.

Is it nefarious?

Sounds like it is.

Yes, it's coming back.

He's doing exactly what we all agreed to.

Right.

And that's the thing.

The rules, there's a reason that there's order to things because when there's order to

things, it helps things be in order.

Well, and it helps darkness come to light.

It helps a conversation.

I'm not moving in with you until we're married.

I'm not going to buy a home with you until both of us are sitting with a mortgage lender

in both of us have our financial lives laid out in front of both of us until we both commit

to, like, outside of those, you just leave pockets of secrets, even the ability to have secrets

right?

Yes.

So, yes, so the moral is, and this is not just to women.

This is to men, require commitment, like, go, require it.

You're not going to just give people access to these major, meaningful parts of your life

that have the ability to really screw you if they mess with you.

Don't do it unless you're getting full commitment, require it.

I don't just, my pastor used to say this, you know, we talk about commitment and it's

really an all or nothing deal, but like, that is what it is.

Like, you're in, you fully commit, you're, like, locked in.

And what's not okay?

It's never okay for somebody to say, yes, I'm committed to you, but on Sunday, I do my

thing.

Like, on Sunday, I go out, that's my day, you know, I'm everything but that, right?

And it's the same thing with marriage, you can't be like, hey, I'm committed to you.

We could put our kids together, we can, you know, buy a house together, but when it comes

to my money, that's, you know, that's the day I do my thing.

Like, that's my son, right?

Do you know what I'm saying?

Yes.

Require it.

You're worth that.

Like, somebody should say, I commit to you and I will take everything and I will show

you my everything.

Like, that is, that is the best part of marriage is having full transparency and if somebody's

not willing to give you that, cut them loose.

And I, yes, amen and amen and I, I just, it's, it's amazing this is coming up.

I was just reading a, a pre copy of my friend Sean Johnson and her husband, Andrew East

wrote a book on this commitment.

She's an Olympic athlete.

He's a pro football player.

And the whole premise of the book is so powerful and that is we've lied to ourselves

and told us, our culture has told us that you always have to leave doors open.

You always have to keep your options open.

You always have to keep an exit strategy.

You always have to, everything is always on the table for negotiation and what both of

them, this book is so powerful.

Actually freedom is not an endless choices and endless opportunities.

That's a recipe for anxiety and chaos and being paralyzed, right?

There's tons of, of psychological research about that.

The power, the freedom you're chasing is actually in going all in and going through the

difficult conversations, through the difficult negotiations.

I want to stay up late.

I don't go to bed early.

I don't keep my money.

Well, I don't feel safe going through that and coming out on the other side anchored

into something bigger than yourself.

That is where we all want to be.

We're all just chasing this lie of man, you always got to have a crack in the door because

you never know.

You got to keep what yours and don't let them have everything.

And what that does is it keeps you from ever having anything.

Wow.

That's something to think about.

That is, there's a lot in that.

But what you said reminded me of, it's kind of like, part of this is when you say okay

to less than what you were saying, you're avoiding the conflict of it.

You're avoiding the conflict and you're making a statement about your own perceived value

of your worth.

Yes.

But going back, yes.

And going back to the conflict part, I read a long time ago, I can't remember what it was,

but it was talking about how our greatest relationships, right, when you see it as concentric

circles and they go out, out, out, out.

The core of our relationships, the ones are in the very middle.

That's our husband, maybe your best friend.

Those are the people who are willing to enter into real conflict and come out on the other

side.

Because conflict is connection if both are anchored to the same thing.

Yes, that's why there's concentric circles because the wider out you get, those are

the people who aren't willing to engage in conflict.

So when you make a commitment, you're saying, and I am willing to go through these conflicts

to get to the other side and be there with you.

Yes, because being celebrated and challenged matters.

It matters.

Welcome back to the Ramsey show here in the Fair Ones Credit Union studio.

I'm here with Dr. John Deloney.

We're still taking calls about your life and money.

So call in, triple eight, eight, two, five, five, two, two, five.

Jennifer from Detroit, Michigan is on the line with us.

Hey, Jennifer, what's up?

Hi, thank you for taking my call.

Yeah, how can we help?

So my 23 year old son will be graduating from the University of Michigan in May.

And he has racked up $96,000 in student debt.

He did have a scholarship that he lost in his freshman year.

And I've done everything I could to help him apply for scholarships, give him to sit down

and get some type of money other than student loans.

And he didn't want to participate.

Now my dilemma is he's 23 years old.

He just got a full-time job in supply chain management.

He's going to be making about 70, 72, maybe 75,000 depending on overtime.

But he also went out and against mom's advice went out and got a brand new pickup truck at

$400 a month plus insurance.

$400 a day.

Yes.

So, do I charge him rent, living in my house for the next year is what he's predicting,

or what I would charge him and rent, do I make him pay towards his student debt?

What's the purpose?

I want to know your heart behind this.

Is the rent as some sort of like, retribution, or like, it's some sort of punishment, or is

it?

No, no, no.

I don't want to enable bad behaviors.

I've been hearing people say, oh, you know, if your kid's going to be living at home, they

should contribute to the household.

Why is he living at home?

He's not ready to move out yet.

What is that?

He's graduated.

Right.

He doesn't want to move out yet for another year.

His girlfriend is going to be, she went into graduate school, she'll be graduating

a year.

What's he got to do with anything?

I know.

I don't know how to have that conversation with him.

I don't think, I mean, I'm just going to be straight up with you.

Yeah.

He's, it sounds like you've been displeased with some of his choices.

That's fine.

Despite good advice being sent his way, that's fine.

I fear that because of that, this is just one of the fears on my list.

I fear that because of that, if he moves in, you're going to find yourself meddling because

you already know well, he did this, he shouldn't have done that and then he did this, he shouldn't

have done that.

And I think that that's going to be not good for neither you nor am like, that's just

not going to be good.

All right.

Second, he makes $70,000 a year.

Move out.

Yeah.

Here's what he needs.

He needs a sturdy mom, not a rigid mom, but not an overly flexible one either.

Right.

And so whether you charge him rent or if you just say, okay, for one year, here's a deal.

You are his new landlord and you get to determine any and all stipulations for living in

your house.

Let me say it clearly, he doesn't get a vote.

You get the vote and then he gets to make a grown up choice.

If a company is going to trust him with $75,000 worth of his skill set and he didn't have

any wisdom yet.

He's only 23.

But with his judgment, then he has enough judgment to make his own grown man decision

on whether he's going to follow mom's rules.

And that might be, I'm going to let you live rent free for six months or for one year,

but my expectation is you put this much money a month towards your student loans and your

student loans is this dollar amount when you leave.

And every month that you don't send it in, you get one and done and you're out.

You're evicted.

Here's the only thing I, okay, I'm talking about it.

But only thing I don't like about it, I think it's the only thing that I don't want to

say don't like.

Only thing that bothers me about it is you're still telling him what to do, which in your

house, you have the ability to do that to him.

He's opting into it.

He would be opting into it, but I feel like a guy like this, he needs, doesn't need mom

to tell him what to do.

He needs to go out in the world and learn.

That mom was right all along.

That mom was right all along and it hurts to have $96,000 and you shouldn't have taken

out a truck payment.

I feel like if he's still there, he's going to keep the car, he's not going to sell it.

He's going to move very sheepishly on these loans.

That's my only concern.

Oh, I've got a 50 concerns.

The fact that you told us he's not ready to move out yet and you're letting that be

a reason why he's going to move in, that in and of self-ashield.

No, no, no.

I don't have a problem and I would love to be able to have him move out.

My mom had the house that she had to move out of in assisted living that's sitting empty

and we've offered for him to make the rent payments and put it into escrow and when she

sells the house, he gets that money back.

He refuses to do that, so I don't know how.

When you say we have a conversation, what does that look like?

No.

What does that mean?

He doesn't want to.

He's like, he goes, I'm not ready.

I don't want to take care of the yard.

I don't want to take care of the house.

He's allowed to do that, but he also doesn't, that doesn't mean he automatically gets

to then move in with you.

Both things can be true.

Well, you're not living here.

When he says he's not ready to, even, okay, so take grandma's house off the table.

When you say, hey son, just go on and get an apartment and he says he's not ready, what

does that mean?

He doesn't want to go out, he doesn't want to live on his own.

Yeah.

He doesn't have anybody close enough to him that he'd want to have a roommate.

Yeah, but he does want to make $100,000 worth of financial decisions and not study or

not or get in trouble with the school and lose your scholarship.

He does want to make big boy decisions when it comes to just walking out and buying a truck

he can't afford.

Exactly.

And it's very, there's nothing that you can say concrete that says, but I will be in

one year.

Right?

What will happen?

That will cause you to be ready in one year.

Do you see what I'm saying?

What can he point back to?

What are the steps that will be taken that will let me know that I don't know just emotionally

or socially, you'll be ready to do that in one year, even?

Our friend Henry Cloud says this, often one of the greatest gifts we can give are adult

children and this is so hard.

One of the greatest gifts we can give them is the consequences of their own problems.

And my guess is you've been bailing them out for most of his life.

And there will come a day when the bailout stops, the sooner and the more preserved y'all's

relationship is the better.

Yeah.

Okay.

The good news is, here's the thing, Jennifer, it's not like you're saying, and the door

is locked and you can never cut.

He can come over for dinner.

I'm sure as much as he wants, he can come over and watch the game, he can come over and

you can do it.

Do it.

A hundred at your house.

Yeah.

But he's going to throw a grown-up temper tantrum.

It's not fair.

I can't believe you're doing this to me, all that stuff.

And he's going to throw an age-appropriate temper tantrum that we should have held these

boundaries back when he was 12, back when he was 15, now he's 23.

So we're going to have to weather that storm, but we're going to stay sturdy in that storm

and stick to our guns on that.

What's the greatest thing for 30-year-old him, 28-year-old him?

It's some really firm boundaries from mom about what she will and will not accept.

Hey guys, Dave Ramsey here.

Every day on this show we help people work through real money problems and figure out

what to do next.

Now you can get that same kind of help any time with Ask Ramsey.

Ask your money question and get answers built on Ramsey principles we use on the show.

Whether you're making a decision or just want something explained, Ask Ramsey is here

to help.

It's fast, simple, and free to use.

Go to RamseySolutions.com and try Ask Ramsey today.

That's RamseySolutions.com.

So here's a deal, guys.

We wish we could get to every call and question on the show.

That's just not possible.

If you have a money question and you want an answer for your situation, head over to

our website and use the Ask Ramsey.

Ask Ramsey is our free AI tool that's built and trained on proven Ramsey principles.

You'll get an answer the same way that we'd answer it right here on the show.

Ask your question today at RamseySolutions.com or click or if you're watching on YouTube

or listening to the podcast, just click the link in the description.

All right.

Going over to Timothy who's in Albany, New York, Timothy, how can we help today?

Yeah.

Hi.

Hey.

How's it going?

Doing good.

I was just curious.

So I'm 25 years old.

I'm married.

I have a two-year-old and I have about $5,000 in my name and I'm expecting $11,000 tax return

because of extra withholdings from last year.

The only debt that I have, we rented and stuff and we have cars that we paid cash for.

The only debt I have is my wife's student loans for around $12,000.

So I'm curious and I can tell you the interest rates on each one of her loans if you'd like.

But I'm curious if I should take this $11,000 that I'm getting from the tax return and

pay off the majority of that and be left a very minimal, very minimal, what do you call

it, backup fund, emergency fund, or if I should put that into like a savings account or

something, maybe a CD that gets 3% or something high and have it just counteract the interest

while I'm paying it off.

It's very low payment monthly.

Yeah.

I liked your first idea.

$11,000 is the refund amount?

Yeah.

And $12,000 is the student loans amount?

Yeah.

And then you have, did you say you had $5,000 in cash somewhere?

Yes.

I would pay off, as soon as you get that refund, I'd pay off the entire balance of the

student loans and I'd use $1,000 from your savings.

Bro, you're about to be free.

That's awesome.

Free.

So you think, yeah, but I mean, it's just a scary place being the only person that makes

income.

It's scary to be debt free?

I'd like to be debt free.

I've never heard anyone say it's scary to be debt free.

This is a risk placement.

It's where you're placing your risk and it happens all the time.

So you're not different than a lot of folks that call in.

When you're talking about fear, it's kind of like, oh, I'm really scared that something

will happen, right?

And what could be the worst thing that happens?

You lose your job in this situation?

Yeah.

Okay.

So you lose your job.

Let's just play it out.

You lose your job and instead of using the tax refund, you just before you lost your

job, you put the tax refund over in savings.

And so now you've got $16,000 in savings, still got the $12,000 student loan.

And now you've lost your job.

First thing is like, okay, I've lost my job.

I'm only going to pay for the most important things, right?

So now you're trying to scrimp on things and you're like, maybe I won't pay the student

loan.

And now suddenly that student loan payment is even more like punishing to you because you're

like, I'm having to take money that I don't have and I'm having to pay that bill every

single month.

That is stressful.

Right.

Whereas if you say, hey, if I lower my, if I lower my expense, it takes to live by paying

off my debt and I have some money saved, some money.

If the worst happens and I lose my job, it costs hardly anything to even operate my life

because I have no debt.

I don't have to worry about bill collectors calling me, nobody can take anything from me,

nobody can come after me because I don't have any debt.

And the good news is, let's pretend, you know, you had a couple of months, how quickly

could you save back up the $5,000 that you had?

You're going from four to five or from five to four, I should say, how quickly could you

put another $1,000 there?

Well, $1,000, I'm not sure.

My life and I have just started our super budgeting.

I've been doing most of the finances since we got married and-

Surely, you could do it quickly without a student loan payment and without any other

debt.

I think we're even paying right now.

Okay, then that means that-

Let's just grow in on you like a cancer.

Uh-huh.

What do you make every month?

I make around $5,000, my life makes $200, take home.

So with no, with no debt, you think in two months, you can muster up $5,500 bucks this

month and $500 bucks next month somehow by cutting back-

Yeah, probably.

I think you could-

Yes.

We have to cut back a little bit, but I think you could do that.

And then you're right back, it savings wise, you're right back where you were and you

have no debt.

And can we call out one other thing?

Have you gone to fix your withholding?

I've, I've, I've, I've, so I just got a new job a couple of months ago, I'm not withholding

this year.

I just got a job right to start it this year, but last year I was withholding.

So if you think about it, um, this isn't new money.

The government just took about a thousand bucks a month from you and held it for you.

Interest free.

Right.

That's right.

And then they gave it back to you.

So if you've been making that thousand bucks a month, or, I mean, closer to 900 bucks

a month all year, this student loan would have been paid down another 10 grand this year.

Yeah.

And so you're going to get what is the equivalent of a thousand dollar a month raise?

That you should have had all along.

And that, yeah, it was your money all along.

And so do I know that is a good and broke I've been paying.

So yeah, being 25 years old, paying for everything is just, uh, just, uh, just about a turn

to 26.

So I'm off my parents health insurance about $150 a week.

Yeah.

Okay.

But can I, can I do something that doesn't get done enough?

Can I celebrate you, man?

Because I hear a ton of young men just opting out completely.

Of responsibility, of fear, of things that like don't have certain outcomes, they're

just quitting.

And you looked and said, you know what?

I'm going to go in.

I'm going to commit all in with one person to get married.

We're going to go do another terrifying thing.

We're going to combine our finances.

We're going to do another terrifying thing.

We're going to make a human maybe even more like, dude, I want to celebrate you because

what you're going to find on the other end of this responsibility is purpose and deep,

deep value and more joy, more fear, yes, but more joy than you could have ever imagined

on the other side.

So applaud you brother for going in at 25 and you're feeling the weight of that squat bar

dude of taking care of a family.

That's where you get stronger.

That's where all the good stuff in your life is going to come from and I'm proud of you

brother.

Appreciate it.

The Lord of the beginning was them.

Listen, choose freedom.

Don't chase interest rates.

Choose as for me on my household, nobody will ever own us and that just means I'm up in

a barber slave to lender, right?

That's exactly right.

I'm opting.

I appreciate it.

I'm proud of you man.

Call us back into your deaf free screen man.

We're proud of you.

I love that.

That was so nice, John.

People don't.

Men don't say nice things to other men enough.

I've got to change that.

Most of the guys in my life are the way we tell our each other that we love each other

is by making fun of each other.

That's funny.

That's 99% of my communication with my friends, but it's one of the things I want to make

different this year is if I see a man out in the wild, like trying to make a difference

in his home, in his family tree, in his community, I'm going to call it out because we need

more men.

We need each other and saying, okay, I've got another brother and arms on this one.

Yeah.

Listen, the ladies, we can help with that too, huh?

I mean, yeah.

Just like...

I've seen you write this on social media and I think it's a great post, so I'm going

to say it the wrong way, but I saw you post one time about, like, grab your husband

and like, grab his face and just look at him and say, thank, like, I'm proud of you.

Thank you.

Oh man.

You're working hard and I see that.

You want to melt the man in your life?

I'm going to do it tonight.

Grab your husband by the face and look at me now and put your forehead on his forehead

and just say, I'm so grateful for you.

I'm proud of you.

Shoot.

All right, Sam Warsha.

I'll get ready.

That'll end him.

That will end him.

The most common thing I hear from men behind closed doors is two things.

One, I don't know why my wife doesn't like me.

Oh, no.

And often when they ask that, I can say, like, well, it's these 14 things, like, right?

But the other thing is they tell me in private, I wish she could just understand that I do

all of this for her.

It's an audience of one and here's the deal.

We go where we're celebrated.

And if you're not your spouse's biggest cheerleader, somebody else or some other thing

will be.

And so however hard it is, however difficult it is, man, if you're married to a good one,

man or woman, let them know.

Let them know and celebrate them.

It means the world.

It does.

All right, Sam Warsha.

You already know.

If you've been working the plan, paying off debt saving and changing your family tree,

I'm proud of you.

And if you're in baby step four or beyond, it's time to celebrate.

The live like no one else crews is back March 14 through 21, 20, 27.

Join the Ramsey personalities and me as we sail to Half Moon Key, Cosamail, Jamaica,

and Grand Cayman on the ultimate debt free vacation.

Evans will sell out just like last time, lock in yours with a $600 deposit at RamseySolutions.com

slash events.

Hi.

What's up, dude?

I've been a long time listening, I'm kind of nervous to be on the line with you guys because

I kind of feel like I already know what you're going to say.

It will be gentle.

Awesome.

You get to pick the heat factor.

We can bring it in gentle at a one or two and we can bring it in at nine or ten.

You let us know.

All right.

Let's go with an eight.

All right.

Buckle up.

Okay.

So kind of a loaded question today and it goes back.

I started listening to the Ramsey show in 2020 when I was incarcerated and when I got

out, I started doing things the right way.

And then I lost my job and fell back into debt and found another job, but it didn't

come out fast forward for failed jobs later and I get hit by a train.

This was last this past June and you got hit by a train.

Holy moly.

Yes, sir.

Bro, your life is a love of a country, man.

So I'm used to doing mostly manual labor in my life.

I recently got married.

So that's a plus.

My wife and I combined finances and I'm going through all of our debts the other day and

I'm realizing that we're a hundred thousand dollars in debt and I can't work yet.

And so I started looking for a part time job recently.

She only needs twelve, fifty an hour.

So she doesn't really make a whole lot as far as income.

She's had a really hard time keeping a steady job for the last four years and I just don't

know what to do.

I don't know where to turn.

I'm at a loss.

I've called my way out of debt three times in my life and I'm beside myself right now.

On top of that, I have a seven hundred and fifty a month child support obligation that

I'm unable to pay.

So my kids are going without and I'm just beside myself.

Hey, brother, I want to applaud you for calling, man.

This is a hard phone call, isn't it?

Yeah.

I'm grateful that you called.

So some of the debts are, she's got $5,000, almost $6,000 in student loans.

They have been deferred until this year.

And so now she's having to start paying on those.

And because I've been in and out of work for about two years now, I'm already got back

child support debts.

So I've got about $10,000 on one kid and about $5,000 on the other.

Let me ask you, dude, the way you're telling us your story, you fell into debt.

You got like the jobs went away.

If you're to look in the mirror and take full ownership here, why do you keep getting

laid off of work?

Are you not showing up on time?

There's construction going like, I was just in Lubbock a couple of weeks ago.

There's construction projects all over the place.

So I recently moved to Texas, like I hit by the train.

My wife is from our little small town outside of Lubbock.

And so when I got hit by the train, she was already here.

I just moved in with what's your medical status?

When are you going to be able to get back after it?

There's so much opportunity for those who will pick up a shovel and get after it in

Lubbock, Texas.

Well, like I said, I'm already looking for a part-time physician.

Well, abilities, I have a fused elbow, and so shoveling is not exactly a thing.

Yeah, that's really challenging.

When that happened, I mean, I don't know any other way to say it, so I don't want it

to sound rude, but were you at fault or was there fault, is there any thing that's going

to come up this?

I was definitely at fault for the train accident.

I found myself making $50 a week at the sales position.

It was a traveling door-to-door sales position where they promised a world and never deliver.

So I was making $50 a week and barely able to have food.

She was working the same job with me, and she couldn't make it either, so she decided

to go home, and I had seen what happens when people leave the company when they don't

have anything, so I wasn't about to get dropped off in a bus station with nothing.

And so I tried to jump a train home, and it didn't work.

It was going faster, and I thought it caught me.

So let me ask you this, are you ready to change everything?

Absolutely, as you only knew, I found you.

All right, so here's my call-out.

Number one, when you get off this call, I want you to call over to family counseling services,

I think they're off Avenue Q over there and love it.

And they have sliding scale, and they support folks who are struggling financially, but

you've got to get in and sit with somebody, okay?

You got a lot of demons in your back, right?

Yeah.

Okay, number two, you can't kind of look for a part-time job.

You've got to make your life's submission to get two jobs by the end of this week, and

I'm putting that pressure on you because I think you can, and they're not going to be

fun, and you're going to be exhausted, and you're going to be sore.

But I want you to commit to it, because what you need right now, more than anything,

is a bunch of little wins.

And these debt collectors can ask all day long, but bro, you got kids, and I want to get

those guys squared up, and you do too, I can hear it in your voice, right?

Yeah.

All right, so let the bill collectors keep calling you for a minute.

You don't have anything anyway.

And your wife has got to either get the help she needs, or she's got to make a commitment.

I'm going to go get a second job.

I can't just put her by on 12.50 an hour.

Well, she's actually about to get a $9 an hour, well, $8.50 an hour raise for a month.

Awesome.

Yeah, it's an issue with this test.

Okay, listen to me.

Jayden and I are going to give you, and her, the premium every dollar app, because you

know what I do.

The premium every dollar app, because we're in financial peace university currently through

it.

Sweet.

Good.

All right.

The worst thing that can happen is y'all get an $8 an hour raise, or $9 a raise, and

you don't budget it, because it will disappear faster than you get it, right?

Right.

So we're going to be, we're going to be militant in our discipline when it comes to

our spending and our budgeting, and we're going to have to go for walks.

We're going to have to go over there to severe park and go for, I mean, go for walks together.

We're going to have to get a, I don't know, a soccer ball and kick it.

We're going to have to do stuff that didn't cost any money, because that's where we are

right now.

Right.

And if you'll go get a job, you'll get two jobs, and you commit to a year being uncomfortable,

you're already uncomfortable, commits to being uncomfortable in a direction that's going

to change your life.

Right.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

Go sit down with the counselor over there who will work with you and say, I'm ready

to change some of the stuff I've been, put sit down some of that crap I've been carrying

for all these years.

You know what I'm saying?

Absolutely.

We both think you can do it, man.

Also you know what?

We're going to send you a copy of King Coleman's, find the work you're wired to do.

I want you to take the career assessment inside of it.

It's incredibly insightful.

And begin to ask yourself, not just after a year of survival jobs, what do I actually want

to do?

What can I do in this local community here in this great city of Lubbock, Texas?

What can I do that's going to contribute to the city, to the people who've been, like,

who are where I used to be?

And now you're talking about changing everything in your life.

But you need some little wins, brother.

Hang on the line.

We'll get you hooked up with some resources.

We're your number one and two fans.

Hey guys, what's up?

It's Jade.

And I'm pumped for the new year.

And I hope you are too.

But the problem is, most people start the new year with a lot of promises and no real

plan.

So how it is, I'm going to save money or I'm going to get my financial act together.

But without a plan, you just wing it and hope it works out.

Listen, don't play yourself.

I want you to win.

And our every dollar app is the game changer you need.

In 15 minutes, every dollar helps you build a plan based on where you're at with money

right now.

And every day, the app coaches you with ways to find extra money so you can beat debt

and build wealth faster.

Just like having me in your pocket, helping you stay on track all year long.

So don't just wish your money works out.

You can be the one to actually make it happen this year.

Download the every dollar budget app and get started right now for free.

The Ramsey Show's scripture in quote of the day, 2nd Corinthians 910, now he who supplies

need to the seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store

of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness.

Thomas Sauer, is that right, Sauer said this, it's okay to have your eggs in one basket

as long as you control what happens to that basket.

All right, I'm with you, Thomas.

I'm with you.

All right, and as in Grand Rapids, Michigan, hi, Anna, how can we help today?

Hi, thank you so much for taking my call.

You got it.

So I guess I'll just get straight to the point and if you need more details, just let me

know.

So my question is, how do I buy a house with my fiance when I do not have a credit score

or recent rent or loan history?

Why don't you have any of that?

How were you living before?

I, so I am a long term Ramsey listener back in 2023.

I paid off all of my student loans to that of like 49,000, so after that, I was living

with my parents for a little bit and now my fiance and I are getting married this August.

So I've never had a rent payment and yeah, my student loan histories, like the loan providers

say that it's too long ago to count for anything.

Yeah.

Okay.

What about your fiance who will be your husband?

What's his scenario?

Because if you guys buy this house, it'll be together, no?

Correct.

Yes, correct.

What's his situation?

He's that free too, but he has had like a line of credit since he's been 18, he's been

very responsible with his money, so he does have a really good credit score.

So when we go into on providers to get approved, he gets approved and then I get approved

for nothing, basically.

Okay.

So they're going to go, it's going to go one one way or the other.

You're either going to go like the zero credit score underwriting way or you're going to

go the credit score using his credit score way.

In your case, the only, I mean, I can go through the requirements, but I think you already

know this.

You have to show 12 months of document and rental history and it's not by amount.

It's just showing that you were good for a payment for 12 months.

So unless you're in some way going to postpone buying this house, I mean, I don't know when's

the wedding?

The wedding is in August.

Okay.

I think.

Yeah.

So for manual unwriting, you have to show 12 months.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

You have to show 12 months of documented rental history.

You have to show 12 months of other trade lines, things like cell phones, utilities, insurance

payments.

You have to show actual money.

So you have to show income for the last 12 months, 24 months of your self-employed and

also provide pay stubs for the last 30 days if you're self-employed.

And yeah.

So that's a necessity.

So I have two thoughts on what you've said.

One is you can just say, okay, my husband has a credit score and it's really, really good.

We'll just get a mortgage using that.

No one's going to fault you for that.

If he still has a credit score and it's still really good by then.

So you could go that route.

Second thought though that I have is, what's the rush to buy a house so quickly?

You will have just gotten married.

Usually we'd say, you know, wait a year at the very least six months.

Yeah.

I definitely think you're saying we're definitely not opposed to renting.

I think it's just the fact that we've been pretty good at, I mean, we followed the day

brands.

I have followed the day brandsy plan and we've saved quite a bit and we're ready.

I guess if we wanted to be, but we're not opposed to renting, I guess, if that's the

year we're hearing.

It's just if we come across something we really love, we would love to put in an offer.

But otherwise we were totally fine.

If you are a long-term Ramsey listener, can I throw one thing else at you?

Yeah.

And you know what I'm going to say?

Yeah.

I guess so.

You put yourself, Jayden, I would only have jobs.

Dave, Ken, Rachel, George, all of us.

We'd only have jobs because people have these plans and the plans don't work out like

they hoped.

So I cannot tell you there won't be anyone else in the world other than your family rooting

for you and your marriage more than me.

I'm the world's biggest fan of marriage, okay?

And I only have a job because people get engaged and then it falls apart.

And so you know I'm going to tell you this, I would not buy anything with somebody that

I didn't have the legal protection of being married with first.

And so even if even if that is nothing else to say, let's rent, let's get married, let's

live together, let's figure out distance from grocery stores and distance from our favorite

music clubs and distance from our church, whatever we want to do, let's get all that settled

before we anchor ourselves to a home, especially when we don't have, when you don't have,

neither you'll have the protection, the legal protection of being legally married.

Yeah, I agree.

That's just what I would tell my friends, that's what I would tell my sister, that's what

I would tell my daughter, that's what I would tell my son.

So I'm telling you what I would tell the people closest to me.

No, I agree with that.

I've definitely heard you all say that before and it has crossed both of our minds, so I

know y'all are special, the only other people have issues, right, I get that, I get that.

But that's just something to think through.

Oh, yeah, for sure.

So have you tried the manual underwriting process with the loan officer yet?

Yes, and it's the 12 months of rent history that I keep running into, so like I've tried

to like give them my student loan payments that I paid back, like I thought about that.

Yeah, but those are trade lines.

It's not the same, it really does hit different.

So I think this is a, let's call this divine intervention.

Yeah, this is a sign.

This is a sign that is maybe you're not quite ready, I mean clearly you yourself are not

quite ready because you don't have the necessary things in place.

And then if you guys get married and you guys go in on this obviously together as husband

and wife, it might make sense, like I said, to do everything based on what he's showing

on his side, because either way, it's going to run one way or the other, you're going

to go based on manual underwriting with a zero credit score or it's going to go based

on his side with a credit score.

So.

And know this, banks only make money when, let's not completely true, but they generally

make money when they make loans.

And so if a bank looks at you and says, we don't feel comfortable giving you this money,

take that, take, take their word for it.

You know what I mean?

Even if you're like, dude, I have a great job.

I've got plenty of money in the bank, whatever, all right, fine.

We'll stock away more cash, we'll rent a small little place, we'll spend our time not

worrying about the roof and the air conditioner, but just worrying about getting to know each

other even better.

And then we'll buy a house down the road.

Yeah.

So right today, you could start paying your parents some little bit of rent today and

pay that through August or September, whenever it is you're getting married.

And then you and your guy rents an apartment for three months and then your square, you're

ready to go or write your parents a thousand dollar check for back rent.

That's, I don't know that is that.

Does that work?

Can you do that?

Oh, maybe fraud.

Maybe.

I'm saying that's a good idea.

Yeah.

Don't, no fraud.

No fraud.

Run that one back.

Okay.

So you've got some options.

Some of which are fraud.

I'm sorry.

That was funny.

That one it took.

Yeah, hopefully we can talk some sense into this for you.

I agree wholeheartedly with John, I would, I would just wait.

All signs are pointing towards wait.

If you wait, you have everything you need.

You can buy the house together.

It's fully secure.

Everything is on the other side of waiting for this.

So that is what I would suggest.

And a muscle for you and your new husband to, to begin to exercise is you both really

want a thing, but the timing is just not right yet.

And learning to be frustrated together, to grieve together, to be annoyed together, both

towards the same thing that actually will make you stronger in the long run.

So good.

That's so good, John.

Practice that.

Because you're going to want a new Tahoe, you're not going to have the money for it.

You're going to want a third kid, but timing is just not right.

Like, you're going to want things, you know, you're going to be frustrated either.

Start practicing that right now.

Have you ever noticed, okay, here's a quick food for thought for the end of the show.

When you're broke, and I'm not saying there, have you noticed that when you're broke,

you want so much.

There's so much that you want to buy and go do and everything feels like, oh, like anguishing

to me.

Why not?

Yeah.

And then when you can finally get it, you're like, oh, I maybe didn't want it anyway.

I just want to go bed at night.

You just wanted the option.

You just wanted the option of saying, I can choose.

That's right.

You know, it's just something to that.

Oh my gosh.

What a great time.

Remember, there's ultimately only one way to financial piece, and that's to walk daily

with the Prince of Peace, Christ Jesus.

"My Wife Is Making Financial Decisions Without Me"

About this Episode

More from The Ramsey Show

Don't Let Fear Drive Your Financial Decisions

Don't Let Debt Steal Your Future

Bigger Financial Problems Leave Less Room for Bad Decisions

Your Financial Stupidity Has To Stop Today!