[No Laughter Version] Lions would never drive drunk. (+ 18 more dad jokes!)

0:00Life is full of choices, but the choice between getting crispy chicken nuggets or a Crunchwrap slider isn't one you'll have to make. The new Crispy Chicken Crunchwrap slider at Taco Bell. All white meat chicken nuggets, breaded in tortilla chips, wrapped up sauce and all, inside a slider-sized Crunchwrap. Choose from creamy chipotle or jalapeno honey mustard. Well, there we go. Life, still full of choices. The new Crispy Chicken Crunchwrap slider, a brand new classic, only at Taco Bell. And participating in those Taco Bell locations for limited time and loss of highs last. What is responsible for the corn you chew really well, coming out as whole kernels? Reincarnation. I submitted 10 puns to a joke competition hoping one would win. No pun in 10 did. Why did the Easter egg hide? Because he was a little chicken. Last year, when I was visiting South Korea, I left my phone at the hotel and had no map.

1:00Turned out to be a true soul-searching day. What's a ghost's favorite day of the week? Monday. This weekend, we were barbecuing in the backyard. My wife called out through kitchen window, honey. Would you please flip the sausages so that they don't burn? I said, don't worry, the worst is over. I burned my Hawaiian pizza today. Should have cooked it at a low-hot temperature. Why most archaeologists are women? Because they are good at digging up the past. Tuba or not tuba? That is the trombone of contention. Why did Kyle plant his used nicotine pouches in the backyard? His therapist suggested starting a ZYN garden. I had my first run in the mountains yesterday. Felt okay-ish. Had a lot of ups and downs. Just a moment away from more dead jokes right after this brief pause.

2:01John Stamos here in partnership with Kool-Agaard and I've got to say, so you're 45 or older and at average risk. So what? That doesn't mean your life comes to a halt? No way. You can still do all the fun things you've been doing, but it's time to take your health a little more seriously. Kool and cancer screening needs to be on your docket. And it's as simple as the Kool-Agaard test. Don't worry, you got this. When the principal said he was going to show me what Board of Education really means, I said I already know why do you think I was sleeping in class? How did the minimum wage railroad employee survive a lightning strike? He was a poor conductor. People don't often daydream about railway systems. It's too easy to lose your train of thought. A dog walks up to a bar and tells the bartender, give me three shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, had a rough day? How did people in the old West greet each other?

3:02With open arms. Why did the man with glaucoma fall down the well? He couldn't see that well. My friend is always bragging he feeds his horse cocaine. I told him to get off his high horse. I'm Montgomery Jones. Listen until the end of the episode for a bonus joke. We're on a mission to spread the laughs and groans far and wide, so do us a favor and share one of these jokes with your family and friends today. Looking for the gift for Dad? We have the official Daily Dad Jokes podcast electronic joke button now available on Amazon. A massive 500 preloaded Dad Jokes guarantee to make you laugh and groan. Check the show notes page for the link. The Daily Dad Jokes podcast is produced by classic studios. See the show notes page for social media links and joke credits. This show was recorded in front of a canned studio audience.

4:03The world moves fast. You work day, even faster, pitching products, drafting reports, analyzing data. Microsoft 365 co-pilot is your AI assistant for work. Built into Word, Excel, PowerPoint, and other Microsoft 365 apps you use. Helping you quickly write, analyze, create, and summarize. So you can cut through clutter and clear path to your best work. Learn more at Microsoft.com slash M365 co-pilot. Lions would never drive drunk, but a tiger would. President Barack Obama. Virginia, we are counting on you. Republicans want to steal enough seats in Congress to raid the next election and wield unchecked power for two more years. But you can stop them by voting yes by April 21st.

5:04Help put our elections back on a level playing field and let voters decide not politicians. Vote yes by April 21st.