[No Laughter Version] MLB 2026 Opening Weekend! 39 pitcher perfect dad jokes! 28 March 2026

As a baseball umpire, my salary is pretty low. But every four days, they let me work

from home. One day an airplane pilot decided he wanted to be a baseball star, so he went

to talk to a coach. The coach asks him, can you pitch? The pilot replies, y'all. Did

you hear about the first baseman who got hit in the face with a baseball? Now he's a

burst face man. At 5,714 strikeouts, Nolan Ryan is the king of baseball pitchers. I wonder

if he'll be overthrown. Why do criminals play baseball? They can hit, run, and steal.

My brother, the pro baseball pitcher, told me about the time he intentionally walked every

player on the opposing team as a protest against unfairness in life. That took a lot of balls.

I was stunned when I met my girlfriend's father. He had a baseball bet. What type of

baseball player gives out all the water? The pitcher. I just found out the cool aid man plays

on a baseball team. He's the pitcher. Just heard a story about Mariano Rivera teaching

another pitcher how to throw a better cutter. It truly was a gripping story. Why don't

Turkey's play baseball? Because every hit's a foul ball. You know why they always made

me be the water boy and little league? Because I said I wanted to be a pitcher. What position

does a crab play in baseball? Pinch hitter. Why was Hitler hit with a baseball? Because

he did not see it coming. Why did Cinderella get kicked off the baseball team? She ran

away from the ball. Why did the bartender quit his job at the stadium? He kept getting mixed

up with the pitcher. Why do pancakes always win at baseball? They have the best better.

I just saw a biopic about Dracula's short career in major league baseball. It's called

interview with an umpire. Why did the baseball catcher spend a night at the field? He

felt right at home. More dad jokes are coming up after this quick break. I wondered why

the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me. Three old women sneaked some jack

Daniels into a baseball game, taking shots after each half inning. What an ink is it now?

It's the bottom of the fifth and the bags are loaded. Why does China have the best baseball

team? Because it took out half the world with one bet. Baseball question, why does it take

longer to run from second to third than any other bases? Because there's a shortstop

in between. Why does a pitcher raise one leg to pitch? Because if he raised both legs,

he'd fall down. I asked someone how many people they thought were in attendance at the

baseball game. They said, I don't know. I told them just give me a ballpark estimate.

Our baseball coach said he'd dismiss any better wearing Adidas trainers. Three stripes

in your out. Why is catcher the best position in baseball? You get to work from home. My

company was recently bought out. Now, instead of making baseball equipment, we're making

German sausages. Things have gone from bad to worst. My girlfriend told me she wanted

to see a diamond on our anniversary. I took her to a baseball game. What do Betty Crocker

and Major League baseball have in common? Great batters. Why are baseball players pants

mostly white? Because they are always sitting on bleachers. What do you call a pitcher

who comes out of retirement to walk a better? A mothball. What's the difference in watching

baseball and paint dry? Watching paint dry does not take as long as watching a baseball

game and you may even see more runs. Why can't Hitler play baseball? It's three rags

in your out. What do you call a baseball player with no parents? Batman. Why did it get so

hot in the baseball stadium after the game? All of the fans left. What baseball team

tells the best dad jokes? The Padres. Chewbacca just started playing baseball. He won

wookie of the year. Why don't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is. I'm

Montgomery Jones. We're on a mission to spread the laughs and groans far and wide. So

please do us a favor and share just one of these jokes with your family and friends today.

Thanks. Looking for the gift for dad? We have the official daily dad jokes podcast

electronic joke button now available on Amazon. A massive 500 pre-loaded dad jokes guaranteed

to make you laugh and groan. Check the show notes page for the link. The daily dad jokes

podcast is produced by classic studios. See the show notes page for social media links

and joke credits. This show was recorded in front of a canned studio audience.

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