[No Laughter Version] Uranus Day! 31 dad jokes about the big gassy giant! 13 March 2026

Why don't we inhabit Uranus? That place is a gas hole.

Keep the earth clean. It's not Uranus.

Titan is a moon of Saturn. Titan's atmosphere is mostly methane. So technically Titan smells

like Uranus. I have a dog named Uranus. He can be a real pain in the ass sometimes.

The first man landed on Uranus. He will be the butt of many jokes.

Uranus has only orbited the Sunday February 5th time since it was discovered in 1781.

Give Pluto a break man he'll come around.

You don't need a flashy telescope. You can see Uranus just fine with a mirror.

wife told me tonight you'll be able to see Uranus with the naked eye.

I replied that all I need is a mirror.

What's the capital of Uranus? You.

Why does Neptune have so much methane? It got it from Uranus.

Are you a lazy astronaut? Because you're Saturn Uranus.

When you are telling me my horoscope and talking about Venus or Mars being in retrograde.

I just think you're talking out Uranus.

Where are all the asteroids? Behind Uranus.

Why is toilet paper like the Starship Enterprise?

They both go around Uranus hunting for cling gun.

The first quiz I ever failed was on our solar system in elementary school.

I wrote, my favorite part about our solar system is Mercury Venus Earth Mars Jupiter

set in Uranus Neptune.

My teacher disappointingly handed back my paper and said,

don't you realize there's space between the planets?

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Told my toddler your poops are alien weapons.

They came from Uranus.

Breaking news, they have finally changed the name of the planet Uranus.

It's now called a rectum.

What's worse than lobster's on Mars?

Crab's on Uranus.

They say that there are eight planets in our solar system.

But I'm pretty sure Uranus is just a black hole.

There's a probe going to Pluto tomorrow.

It would have arrived sooner, but it was too busy poking around Uranus.

Uranus is all blue.

Maybe you should go to a doctor.

Mom, does Uranus have rings?

Just his wedding band.

Why is Mars afraid of Jupiter?

Because Jupiter's setting Uranus.

Do you know how they called Uranus in the USSR?

Our Anus.

What would happen if Uranus collided with Earth?

It would be a pain in the ass.

What's the dirtiest moon in the universe?

It's the one that circles Uranus.

I can't stop staring at Uranus.

It's so big and round.

What is a planet and a black hole at the same time?

Uranus.

A guy has his annual checkup at the doctors.

Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life asks the guy?

I doubt it, says the doctor shaking his head and mercury

is in Uranus right now.

I don't believe in that astrology nonsense, doc.

Neither do I.

My thermometer just broke.

How long does it take Uranus to orbit the Sun?

One year.

Who named the planet Uranus?

An astronomer.

I'm Montgomery Jones.

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This show was recorded in front of a canned studio audience.

This show was recorded in front of a canned studio audience.

This show was recorded in front of a canned studio audience.