S2E20: Unlocking Ryan | Talk Tracks

Hi everyone and welcome back to the talk tracks. Today you're going to meet Mary and Ryan.

Ryan has autism, is non-speaking, and also has a praxia. Like many of the families featured on

this show, it's been quite an adventure, and they realized that Ryan was telepathic long before

the Tlepathy tapes came out. While in the studio, Ryan and his mom requested to do some telepathy tests,

so we did film some, and those will be posted on the Tlepathy tapes YouTube page as well as on

our supercast. Before filming this episode, we sent Ryan a lot of questions from our listeners,

and he answered many of those questions over the course of a few weeks, and he'll be sharing those

answers with us today in the studio. He's in and out because he found our couch in the front room

to be very comfortable, so without further ado, we welcome Ryan and Mary to the studio.

Hi everyone, I'm Kai Dickens, and I'm thrilled to welcome you to the talk tracks. In this series,

we'll dive deeper into the revelations, challenges, and unexpected truths

from the Tlepathy tapes. We'll feature conversations with groundbreaking researchers,

thinkers, non-speakers, and experiencers, who illuminate the extraordinary connections

that may defy explanation today, but won't for long.

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Why don't you introduce yourself, like who you are, who you're son is, who's in your family,

where you live. Okay, so I'm Mary Heller and I have three kids. I raised them in Sebastopol

on a farm. They ate off the gardens, drank raw goat milk, so we lived out on a farm. Ryan

was my oldest. He's 27 now. He has two little sisters, 22 and about to be 22 and 24 in college.

When Ryan was diagnosed, I just was one of those parents who dropped everything on the planet and

just was on a mission to try to help him out. It was scary back then because they would be like,

if you can keep them engaged, every waking second, they might be cured by the time they're five,

so I would be like feeling guilty if I stuck to brush my teeth almost. We chased around all the

biomedical and all the options to try to help him. Nothing really worked out that well.

Then he started out in regular ed and quickly got put into special ed, which there wasn't

very good services. We were out in the country and so he went to a really nice school,

Oak Hills school, which was a non-public school for mostly autistic people. He quickly got put in

the life skills class, which is basically the kids who they've determined. They just really aren't

teachable and so let's teach them just basic life skills. There he stayed all the way through 22.

He graduated during the pandemic. He was considered one of the most difficult kids at the school. Most

loved, but just very, very, the apraxia was very big and his agitation was very great.

For someone just joining who've never heard about apraxia, can you explain just summarize what

apraxia is? Apraxia is a mind body, disconnect where your motor system, your body is not working

with you. Your mind is pretty much a normal mind who's absorbing information, hearing it,

wanting to put out a response or do an action and then your mind tells your body to do it and

your body does something completely different. For example, if Ryan wants to say, pass me the fork,

he might say nothing or he might say, I want water and similarly with the body. Then sensory

issues were very overwhelming for him too. At around 12, I think I said, I'm going to give up.

If there's some miracle that's going to come on the scene, I'm going to hear about it. That's when

I gave up on chasing every rainbow and biometically or therapeutically. I did give up at that point,

but I kept asking for a typing goal on his IEP because I'm like, he could be one of those kids that

might be able to communicate himself at some point. I just want that typing goal and I always

fought for that typing goal. I remember and I told Ryan the story when he was 12. I had an

IEP. I was with the school psychologist was there and I said, I really want to keep that typing

goal on and the school psychologist was like, well, why? I said, well, because some days some of

these doctors to kids are able to communicate and then they can communicate fully through typing

and I'd like to keep giving him access to that in case he could find his communication that way.

And the school psychologist turned to me and said, Mrs. Heller, if he had any of the kind of

level of ability that you're discussing, we would have discovered it by now.

And I just gave up that day. I just felt like a diluted, you know, okay, I'm just a diluted

parent. I'll just drop it. I didn't drop the spelling goal, but that was a day my heart kind of

sunk like stop trying. Well, it's had to be really, I mean, even right now you're feeling really

emotional from that. Yeah, I don't think I had a dry eye in any IEP ever. I mean, you have a table of

people sitting around telling you, you're telling you that your kids IQ, you know, your kids like has

less skills than an infant. It's like they take hope away. And they take hope away and they do these

tests that just show that, you know, and I knew that Ryan had so much more in him, but a praxia

is tricky. So just when I'd be like, you know, this guy is so freaking smart. He would do his

a praxia would make him do something like, I don't know, put something metal in the microwave or,

you know, something funky. And then I'd be like, oh, maybe I'm just wrong. Maybe I'm just hopeful.

So it's a very, it's a very deceptive thing, a praxia. So anyway, when he was 23, a friend of mine

sent me a book called underestimated and autism miracle. And it was about a boy who seemed very

much like Ryan, who learned to completely communicate and his intelligence and he was unlocked.

And I read the book and I was just like, I got to try this. I mean, this book, I read books in

the past, but they always made it seem like to me, I read them as this was one miracle mother

who just was like, did something unreplicable, right? And I, you know, I didn't realize and one

miracle kid, like, I just thought these were one offs. This book was like, this is all of our guys

that can all do this, you know, and, and the boy was just around Ryan's age and the whole thing.

I just really related to it. So I'm like, we have to make an appointment with that therapist before

we're never going to get to see her again. And so, oh, and I, and I called his dad and asked his

dad to read the book and then his dad called me crying. And so I don't want to get my hopes up

again. What are you doing to me? And I said, you know what? We owe it to him to give him the

chance. He can't bring himself there. We don't have to have any expectations, but we owe it to him

to put the opportunity in front of him. So we made an appointment with that spelling practitioner.

We went down to their office and we saw that day that his intelligence was there.

For people, again, just joining spelling as a way to communicate by typing the points

into letters. Yeah, which is a gross more. So, right. So what it does is it just bypasses the

speech pathway altogether that, you know, these kids, they've been hammering away at the speech

pathway forever. And with Ryan, he has unreliable speech and limited speech. So this bypasses that

kind of broken or damaged pathway. And you literally learn to communicate by laying down a new

pathway by pointing at letters like this, you're moving your shoulder. So you lay down your

speech pathway through your gross motor system. And it was just wild because the first day we

walked in, the woman walked right over, spoke to him, not me, spoke in an adult voice, you know,

hey, Ryan, it's so great to meet you. I know how intelligent you are. You don't have to prove

anything, you know, gave him a little, he wrote a blog about it, actually. And then we went in and

he started spelling and we were behind the two of them. And he was doing, he was really like

into it, you know, and he was pointing to the letters and stuff. But the moment when I got it was,

she said, hey, Ryan, who did we fight in the American Revolution? And that was not in the story

she was reading him. And so I'm like this, like, life skills class, no, you know, and she could,

luckily, she's ignoring me. And he says, magic dragons, as he's spelling, ENGL, A and D.

So he's saying magic dragons with spelling England. And he's spelling England. And I just, I just

got the whole thing at that moment. I just, I just started crying. His dad started crying.

And in any way, so I saw it, like, he's, he is in there. He's trapped in there. His mouth is not

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So we did like a four day intensive, and then they were really great about showing me how to go

home and work with him. So then I went home and we sat at the dining room table for an hour or

no, no, like a half an hour every day and did our spelling lessons and he went through all the

procedures until he got to open. And it was the biggest miracle mother could ever dream.

I mean, I got to know him at 23 years old. And you know, you think you'll, you know your kid.

Yeah, I did. I knew his heart, but I really didn't know him.

That was some of the things he started saying or spelling about when he was open.

One of the first few things he told me was that he had a deep relationship with God.

I didn't know that. I knew he'd like to go to church, but I thought maybe he just like the

ritual of it, you know, that this consistency of it. He has deep relationship with God.

One of the fun things was hearing him use different family members' expressions like hecka,

yeah, hecka, yes, like that's his dad, you know, or an expression I would use. So for the,

for the first month when he was open, it was just like, oh my god, Ryan said this or, you know,

and but anyway, so then we, this is what I learned about him. He's very serious and very deep

and very intellectual and his language is very intellectual. And so I started asking him.

Also, he knew all the stuff that we were spelling about and he'd never been educated.

And so I asked him, how are you? How do you know all this? How do you know all this math? How do you

know? And he couldn't show that he knew one plus one equal to to the school. And he said, well,

I study at night. And I was like, okay, I'm pretty sure I've only ever seen you watching like the

Wiggles or Muppets from Space, like, you know, and but anyway, I mean, not to slip into

telepathy, but I guess he said he's he learned the conscious realms. He's studied everything.

So and he is educated. He went right into college, having been uneducated and as an A student at

college. He knew stuff that you didn't know that he couldn't understand me. I didn't know how he knew

anything that he knew. The first time it really, really hit me. I mean, it all hit me, but one time

I was doing a lesson with him. And the question was like, and I'm going to botch the details,

but the question was like, who won the long distance running in Africa, gold medal in 1984? And

it was not the lesson. No, I didn't know the answer. And it was an African name this long.

And he spelled the whole thing out. So I googled it and it was exactly right. And then I called

his dad who's the only sports washer in the family. And I'm like, did you ever tell Ryan about

that? And he's like, no, but that's the right answer. And that's when I was starting to be like,

is there anything he doesn't know? How does he have this information? Oh, he's a healer. I mean,

he has told me, and he does it to me, but he has told me that he feels called to heal anyone

that he's with, that he he heals, he heals them. I think there's a lot more gifts he hasn't even

told me yet. I'd sound so silly. And I always thought I was so silly. That's why all this telepathy

type stuff is so confirming for me. Yeah. When I was nine, I had a very strong dream that

wasn't a dream. And I woke up. So I always knew he was coming. What happened? Okay. So I was like

nine. And I had this experience when I was asleep. It was in the sticks, deep-jotted topography of

like reminds me of like the Marin headlands, you know, sage covered hills and mist and fog all

around. Kids were milling about running around. There was cloaked people, but you know, like

people in like hemp cloaks or whatever. And I had a deep love for this little blonde kid. And he

was like, I don't want to do this. And I was like, it's already been decided we're doing this.

And he was saying I don't want it. Yeah, he was like, I don't want to do this. You know, and I was

like, there's no getting out. We're doing this. And the message I got was he was going to get lost.

Right. And so I and so I woke up from it. And I'm just sitting there and I'm like, what was that

intense love? I've never felt that kind of love. And I also didn't hit me. I was nine or eight.

I was like, oh my god, I just felt mother love. Like I felt the love of a mother. And he knows about

the dream. He has talked to me about it. But anyway, even what does he said about it? He wrote a poem

about my dream and then said that the gentle cloak covered beans. And I'm like, I never

told you that detail. And so I asked him and he's like, yeah, like he was like, yes, I do remember

that visitation. And it helped me. It really helped me because I knew that there was some

inevitability to this that we had it was like a soul packed that we had made that we were going to

walk through this journey together. And when did you first maybe show the story about the fire?

Like when did you first know that maybe he's able to tap in? Oh, I knew way before that.

Okay. So when were what were the first signs that maybe he had a much more expansive awareness

than you did? Oh, okay. Well, I mean, I always sort of knew like when I was 40, I had an unplanned

and very welcome pregnancy. And I was, you know, tiny back then. And maybe when I was just a few

weeks pregnant, he just kept rubbing my tummy and saying, baby, baby. And I'm like, oh, don't be silly,

Ryan. And then sure enough, I found out like a month later that I was having my daughter. And so

little things like that, I would or I couldn't hide anything from him or you know, so we would joke

that he was psychic. But and then but when I started spelling with him after every spelling session,

I would go down the back home to the driveway and talk to my husband and be like, I don't know

what's going on. He's reading. We're reading each other's mind is he's reading my mind. I'm reading

his mind. And and that's not to say that the spell it's not with the spell. I mean, he spells stuff.

I've never even dreamt of, you know, but but something was happening where I could a whole sentence

would pop in my head. And then he would spell it or you know, and it wasn't from me. Like so I just

started noticing this, this. That's why I was so blown away when telepathy tapes came out. I

mean, I just sat in my room and just just listened to all of it because I was like, this is exactly

what we're living. I didn't know about all the other stuff. Did you heard anyone else say that?

Oh, everyone. And then what would happen was like, you know, the Speller web pages, you know,

like a new parent would come on and be like, hey, I'm pretty sure like my kids reading my mind

or I'm reading his mind or, you know, and then a million new parents would be like, same, same. And

then the moderator would come on and be like, listen, we don't talk about this here. You know,

we're going to have to shut shut this down. So I would tell my girlfriends this stuff. It's not

just me. It's all these other moms. I'm not making this up. So I was very aware. I was like, I don't

know what it means, but we have it. Yeah. And did you think of testing it or did you do that after

the top of the tape after the telepathy tapes? I never thought of testing it. In fact, it's something

I didn't want in a way like the spelling because I want to know, you know, I want to know that I

don't want him to spell something I'm thinking, but it doesn't feel like that. It just feels like

it's not that because he's saying stuff I would never say he has his own voice, but

no, I never really did. It's just I just knew we had it. And I didn't really just spend a lot of

time thinking about, oh, what else can you do? Right. You know, it's just something we were

experiencing and it was mind blowing enough. Now I take it like it's kind of just like nothing.

It's just like another like he put it. It's just like another sense that he has. And

and how he puts it as we share a consciousness. And so actually my spelling went a little wonky

when I was trying to I was trying to break the channel. They call it the thought channel, you know,

because you want to break the thought channels because you don't want to interfere with his thought

process when he's right. And then he finally said to me, Mom, that's like asking me not to hear.

It's almost like if he wants to tap into my mind occasionally, he will. If he needs it,

I think of it like training wheels. Like, oh, okay. So you want to warm up, you're going to tap

into my mind a little bit maybe. And I'm not sure that's how it is, but that's sort of how he

explains it. But then he just goes off. And I'm like, whoa, I didn't see that coming. So sometimes

it's just almost like a confidence boost to keep our shared confidence. And then and then he's

just off and running. Yeah. So I don't trip on it anymore at all. I just don't worry about it.

I forgot what we were doing with one parent. There was a neuroscientist, not Dr.

Hennessy Powell, someone else who was doing a 12D test. And then we found that if the like the mom

was looking at the board, he could get it right. But then we had her look away. And then he couldn't.

But then we're like, just look at it for the first letter. And then when she looked at the first letter

of what she was thinking and then looked away, he could do it. So it was like a training wheels.

Yes. Yeah. It was like, okay, this makes me feel safe. I can get my motor going with like whatever's

happening. I don't know all co-regulation. Yeah. It's the whole thing is co-regulation. And that's why

I think it's been, you know, the cast light upon it is being we were whatever because

well, why when we put the board down all of a sudden, you can't do it. It's it's a it's co-regulation.

And there's a huge relationship of trust that makes it possible. Yeah. I think we're trying to

people are trying to understand spelling in a way that's so wrote ableist in a way. And right.

And not considering the whole expansive escape of how it could be working. And no one's asking

the right questions at least not yet. I mean, now that I think they are.

You know, I'm starting to realize this whole entire autism thing is is everything is

viewed through such ableist eyes that we're really doing them into service. Like I would just give you

one quick example that and at some point I did want to mention something to you that I really

want to get out to the world. Okay. Um, but you know, for instance, when Ryan lit needs to listen,

he'll he'll look away from me. And he's like, that's why I can really hear you because or else

he sees to he sees all these colors coming out of his eyes. It just gets too much that the

synesthesia mixes the colors with the sound. So he'll turn away. So what happens when you're

talking to somebody and they turn away and are looking away, you think they're not listening,

you think they don't understand you, you think they're checked out. And then with our ableist

mind, we say, Oh, this person doesn't comprehend. Oh, probably diminished IQ, diminished capacity.

And this is how it happened that all these intelligent kids are in a system where everyone believes

they're unintelligent. It's all because we're seeing everything through ableist neurotypical

viewpoint. That's my message. I'm really trying to get out. I think it's really important. Yeah.

I think in a second, just for people like Ryan is flying on our couch out there to feel safe and

kind of regulate. And then we'll bring him in and go through some of the questions that listener sent

in. But I guess in the meantime, we can give him a little bit more time. Do you want to

look for your story? Because I think that's so interesting. Okay. So Ryan lived. I lived in the

big house. And then Ryan lived down the driveway in his little bungalow. Me and my partner went

out for a bike ride. Ryan was leaving when we left was going off to his spelling club at the

junior college with with no with Erica, who's his associate. He likes to call his SLS people's

associates. So with his associate, they were going off to get coffee and then go to the

go to the spelling club, which is Ryan's favorite day. So we got back from the bike ride, I don't

know, an hour or two later. And Ryan and Erica were standing outside his bungalow and the fire truck

and fireman was there. And so I was like, what happened? And Erica's like, well, and the fireman

was like, everything's fine now or things find. Oh, and this was the highest. This was a high,

high fire alert day in sabastable. Like they were going to turn off electricity and stuff like that.

So Erica said, Mary, I'm sorry, but Ryan just really demanded. I go home. He just said,

go home. And the way he said it, I just, I just complied. And so we came home. And we came

inside and he went right to his room. And I smelled this really noxious smell. And I traced it to

the kitchen. It's just a little bungalow. I traced it to the kitchen and I opened underneath the

sink. And there was all this black smoke poured out. And it was, and it was sparking and catching

on fire. So I called 911. So there was those power strips. And it had been cracked. And it was

plugged under. I don't know to plug the disposal in or something. And it was catching fire.

And so of course, in my mind, I was like, oh, this is a coincidence. But I just didn't say anything.

You know, so they left and went off to finish their day at the college. And we put in a new power

strip. And I got the notes back from the group spelling at the college that day. And Ryan had,

first sense was Ryan spelling to his friends. Hey, guys, I saved my bungalow today.

My grandma came to me and told me to get home right away. And when I got there, the bungalow was

starting on fire. And so that made me so happy because my mom had died fairly recently. And

me, her and Ryan were extremely close. And just made me feel so good to know that she was around.

It's such a beautiful story because this has come up a few times, right? Where I think there's

that question of, is there psychic ability? Is there telepathy? Or is there help from ancestors

and loved ones? I think it's probably a mix of everything from when I'm gathering.

Yeah, well, when he told me he's, because I did ask him about that. And he said, I feel,

I feel souls all the time. I feel them because I said, do so to people from the dead communicate

with you. And he said, yes. And I said, do you see them? He said, no, I more just

feel them. He said, but with grandma, she whispers to me. And I said, what does she whisper to you?

And he said, and oh, and then he said, and she sings me songs of perpetual devotion.

So, so, so, so, grandma's, what a sweet. I know. What a sweet assurance for you. Oh, I'm so,

you know, this has been the huge gift to me as I was a little neurotic worry wort before all this.

Now I'm like, I'm not afraid to go to the other side. I know all our loved ones are around us.

I just feel so much more at peace, having the whole big picture make, make better sense.

We got a question from a mother who has a newly spelling son come in, I think just yesterday.

And we get this question a lot where she said, my son will spell just fine with the CRP or

the SLP or whoever is working the associate. But she's having a very hard time spelling with her

son herself. And could you just talk to that mother like, is that common? Why do you think it

happens? Do you have any advice? Okay. So, so common. And so, so I'll just spit out all the things

that I know about it. And it's happened with me. I mean, Ryan and I were fluent. We were two little

peas in a pod. And then once I, the once I start getting other CRPs for him and other spellers,

he's, he stopped, there was a point where he stopped really spelling robustly with me. And so,

there's a whole bunch of things going on. One is, first of all, there's a praxia. And I, I call

a praxia like opposite world. The more you want something, the more that a praxic body is going to

come in and try to sabotage you. And so, one thing Ryan had told me, and I think we need to know

about all of our kids, don't believe for a minute that they don't want to spell with you. They want

to spell with you more than anybody in the world. And so, one that could have gotten into a loop

where they just pushed you away. One time, Ryan wasn't spelling with me. I mean, for a

period of time. And so, we went to one of the practitioners who he spells extremely eloquently open

with. And I asked, you know, what, how can I help? What am I doing wrong? Like, why aren't we

spelling anymore? And he was sweet because he hates to hurt my feelings. So, he was like, I guess

it's time for the hard conversation. And he spelled, and he said, Mom, you need to take care of your

own regulation. So, I took that very seriously. I started going to hypnotherapy. I started taking

the time to make a lot of changes too. Because, you know, his moms are, they're like, forget me. I'm

just going to go to care of everybody else. You know, I was like, okay, this isn't this interesting.

I'm being forced to do self-care so that I can go back to being with my son and helping my son.

So, I started doing a lot of the self-care, but no matter what I did, he was still saying it.

And then recently, I really went deeper. I just went deeper with my versions of spirituality,

the things that I do for my own peace and spirituality. I did a lot of meditation, hypnotherapy.

And I was feeling it. Like, okay, I was really moving into a calmer place. And I went to spell

with him. And he started spelling with me. And he spelled, Mom, you just keep getting calmer and calmer.

So, what the point of this is, it's not like, take a few deep breaths. They are feeling

your higher self. They need your higher self to be calm. And one way to stay calm, which is kind

of ironic for autism parents who are suffering from years of PTSD, right? I'm like, oh, this is the

ultimate ironic joke that now I have to be completely calm to talk to my son, like on a deep, deep,

deep level. So, it's still a work in progress. And another thing I did is I finally said, you know,

we're going back to a practitioner together. We're starting at a date. We're starting at

ground zero. So, we went back to the practitioner and started at ground zero and we moved up very

quickly. And then from there, I'm going to generalize it back out of the office. And so,

so it's happening. It's still not like it was when it was just him and I. But anyway, it's very

common. Those are the things to watch out for is the parent has to really, really do their work

to be a true co-regulator. Second, we have so many expectations for our kids.

The practitioners are just much calmer, obviously. So, all our parent overdrive and the wanting

open, wanting open like a big thing is to let go of wanting open. Like you just have to take

each session for just exactly what it's going to be because they, you know, a praxiate can smell

expectations. Like just no expectations were just here together in this moment. And so those are

the things is to not work towards open. And it will come. Like it will just naturally come.

Nobody's not become open, really, unless somebody's given up. And there's a spelling called

gentliana Austin and we follow him in the telepathy tape. Someone's coming out and he always says,

if you follow the recipe, it will work. You just, you have to stick with it. And every parent's

fear, like I was, it's like, I would go back to the practitioner before he was open and be like,

is he ever had anyone who didn't get open? Is he not going to get open? I think that's a lot of

people's fear. And they all get open. If you keep, if you keep at it, it's different timing. But

it's, so it's just such a dance of being in the right vibration. And parents are much more,

we're all hoverors. We've been to hell and back with our kids. Oh, the other thing, I told them,

I will never give up. You can say you don't want to spell with me a million times. I'm never

giving up. And that's good for them to know too. Because a lot of it can be the praxia and the

loop just pushing. Yeah. And the fear, like his fear, it sounds like it was really traumatic when

he thought he was going to be educated at nine. And that school put him in the same life skills class.

Right. So the fear that like, people will give up on me again, get, they'll give up on me again.

Right. So that's a big message I give. Like, yeah. Is that I'm not, I'm, I'm never giving up.

This is what I want more than anything on this planet. And I saw his body relax when I said that.

It's like such a journey of love. The non-speakers, especially with a praxia where it's just so

hard to ever know, you know, but by observation, what's happening? Because it's not a true marker.

It's scary. It's really scary. And a lot of us went to spelling because we were afraid for medical

stuff. I mean, I, I found my son lying in a bed with shattered shoulders. And I never got to

find out what happened until after he could spell. And he had a seizure in the shower. And it was

so forceful that, and it was his first seizure that it literally didn't, not only dislocated,

but like kind of shattered. He's had to have double shoulder surgery.

So you're scared. And I know a lot of other parents who their reason for going to spelling is

this kid needs to be able to tell me when something medical is going on.

Should we bring him in here and go through some of his questions?

Yeah, absolutely.

Okay.

Hey, so welcome to the studio, Ryan. I know you spent a lot of time answering these listener

questions. Do you want to go ahead and read them, Mary, and if Ryan wants to jump in?

Well, basically, there was a question just about, what do you want to share with the world? Are

you happy? What is your life like since spelling? And you answered, and this first sentence made,

he answered, I love my life, which made me cry. And then he came over and wiped my eyes with

tissues. So I love my life. I have been through many things in my journey to be an open

speller. It has to be the accomplishment in my life to date that I am most proud of.

This is in no way a solo victory. My family has been with me even on my worst days.

The support to become a speller takes a family willing to be brave in the face of adversity.

Never giving up is the first commitment to give a non-speaker the quality of life

all people deserve. And then part of that question was asking about a praxia and how do you

feel about dealing with a praxia? And Ryan responded, health issues and living in a body I'm

fighting to control have made life hell sometimes. The commitment my family made to me to never

give up on me was one I also had to make to myself. I get to enjoy so many things that help me stay

positive. I live in a house with my friends and visit my parents all the time. I love to cook and

pay very close attention to what I put in my body. I want people to know that life is so beautiful

when you can communicate. Without a way to share my thoughts, the colors in the world fall

away from vibrance. Darkness consumes those left behind in silence. We are deserving of the

chance to be heard and have our intelligence respected. Some may say that it's not for everyone,

but I believe with my whole heart that everyone that can't speak can spell.

I think that's a wonderful answer, Ryan. This is a question from a listener.

Are all non-speakers able to communicate telepathically? I always get scared of generalizations,

but are they able to communicate telepathically just anyone, including speakers who may not

currently communicate telepathically? Ryan answered yes to our all non-speakers telepathic.

Atend food? Yes, it can happen for anyone who is willing to open their mind to the frequency,

whether you're speaking or not. There are many people open to reaching shared consciousness in

their own way. To be honest, it's not up to me how people get there. It's a personal pathway

built between individuals who connect in a unique way. Non-speakers just know because it happens

involuntarily. Ryan, do you like when you do this lap of the test? I mean, is it fun to show,

or do you get frustrated by showing? F then, U then, and then, T then, O then, S then, H then,

O then, W fun to show. It's funny because people get so blown away by it and toss it so normal.

I know, I know, and I always want to, you know, Ryan, can you read your dad's mind too,

or any of your siblings' minds? Okay, just answer that one. Y, E, S, yeah.

It's from a listener. Sometimes speakers appear to demonstrate a form of knowing that goes

beyond typical intuition. In certain cases, they seem to anticipate future events or outcomes

with notable consistency in ways that resembles pre-cognition or subantlike perception. From your

perspective, how should this phenomenon be understood? Okay, and Ryan answered, yeah. It should

really be perceived as a sense that has been developing because the control of our speech isn't

there. We took control in another sense. And then, we asked for clarification, and he said,

it's difficult to explain how the sense was developed, but over time, it has strengthened

to the point where it is happening unconsciously. It's a beautiful answer. I think that's all the

questions. Okay, Ryan. Okay, so I just want to ask you something before. Is there anything you

would like to say? T, then, H, then, A, then, and then, oh, no, no, no, no, keep finishing, get your

foot, get it, K, then, Y, then, oh, then, you, then, K, then, Y, thank you, Kai, F, then,

oh, then, R, then, P, then, H, then, A, then, M, then, P, then, I, then, oh, then, and then,

I, then, and then, G, thank you, Kai, for championing, get it, get it, get it, get it, and then,

oh, then, and then S, then, P, then, E, then, get it, get it, A, then, K, then, E, then, R,

then S, thank you, Kai, for championing, championing non-speakers. I feel like you're championing

all humanity. You're really the one to be celebrated. Oh, yeah, you can go online the couch,

really quick since he's cozy on the couch, it's, tell me a little bit about his dreams,

he's dating, and what are some of the things he, Ryan has a lot of dreams.

He really wants a college degree, and I've even said to him a few times, and he's in college,

and I've even said to him a few times, like, you know, there's so much like busy work,

like, we can just educate you without all the nonsense of all this stuff you have to go through,

the hoops you have to jump through to get a degree, and he's like, oh, no, I want my degree.

So he wants a degree, he wants mathematics degree. He wants his career to be advocacy

for non-speakers. He even has ideas of schools. He has this idea of creating a school where the younger

kids can see the older adults actually spelling and using their spelling in productive ways,

so that they have like mentors, that they can see where their life can move towards.

He talks about that a lot, and he really wants to help little non-speakers not go through what he

went through. And he has friends. I mean, the biggest thing in life really is he has friends.

Good friends. He roller skates every Wednesday with all his spelling friends. He's always skied.

He skies a lot. He bike rides with all his friends. He goes to the movies with all his friends. They

spell together and group sessions. He just started seeing a female and his

Speller group who asked him out, which is very exciting, and they're getting to know each other.

And he, like he said, he loves his life. Maybe you can just talk about Ryan when he

started writing songs, and some of these are hip-hop songs, which is really fun. When he started

writing these? Oh, remember when you asked me like, what are the things that I learned about Ryan,

one big one was his deep relationship with God, and he was very serious and intellectual.

And because he could have been anything. He could have been a jokester. He could have been, you know,

but and the other thing I learned was his deep, deep love of music. And I didn't know that. I knew

he knew different bands, but it was always like, he would be more often than not be telling me to

turn music off. But he has all these favorite bands, and he started writing music right away.

It just, it just came out of him. Nobody suggested it. I'm not music, but lyrics and poetry.

Yeah. Deep like instruments too, or just singing? He does, but with his appraxia, it's,

it's difficult. He, he said his biggest dream would be that he would be able to sing his own

songs, but and he does sing with a, with a music teacher, but with the appraxia, it's really hard.

But his song, and he said the thing he's most proud of is his songs. He really loves writing his

songs. So yeah. And then he said he wanted to write hip-hop. Ryan said, let's give it a try,

and he just, he just belled out that whole song in one sit. You want to read us some of the

chances? All right. We haven't gotten anyone yet to put it to hip-hop music, so

if anyone wants to do that, first hip-hop song. Repair yourself.

Repair yourself. Ryan Heller tends to say, my course doesn't happen every day,

born apgar the best, not sure of the rest. I could read. I could lead. The time and pain under

the sheets. You let all the team talk while you sleep. You meant to decide my destiny. Well, all I

wanted some rest in me, killing it with my spelling, still living in my mama's dwelling. Happy for

all we have in ways love is the sav, but I got to make my way. Mom will be gone one day.

Verse two, I win your game, lose your fame. Ryan Heller stoked a show. All the shit that I know,

you will be hella surprised if you rally on my side. So help me communicate so I can run all

the way out the gate, making my way to university so I can let out every verse in me. Understand

all that I plan. Stories help you, man. Map out my life. I may even love a wife. You are there

for good. All are experimenting. Map to path to be understood. Sorry. So never doubt us.

Tons about us. Repair yourself. You're very good. You can surpass that childhood.

I love that. Oh, another thing he told me when he could finally spell is I said this is the

first year of your life. You can actually tell me what you want for your birthday because every

year I would get radio. And then there'd just be all these radios piled up in the corner of his

room never used. So he spelled I would really love private cooking lessons with a chef. And so

that's what he's been doing ever since. So he cooks with a chef. He loves to cook. He cooks meals

for me. He's like he said, I love my life. I mean, what more can you? What more words do you want

to hear from your autistic adult who's been to hell and back a thousand times over? And I just

like such a testament to why spelling is so important because if your child is unreliable,

speaking or non-speaking, can't say what they want, maybe reliably for their birthday. I mean,

who would have ever thought private cooking? Private cooking lessons. I know. I mean, I had no idea.

So many things. I mean, that's the beauty that I got to know my own son at 23 years old.

I remember being like, can we go through the dinosaur stage stage now? Those things you miss,

you know? And it's beautiful. I mean, it's just a really beautiful special relationship.

And he has no anger left for anybody. I mean, it's nothing but love for everybody.

Well, you're an incredible role model, I think, for some of my parents out there.

I mean, really, it's like your love shines through and your perseverance and what a beautiful,

I mean, the fact that he's ended here. I know. I'm so happy. I'm just so happy. It's

worth everything. That's it for this episode of The Talk Tracks. But new episodes will be

released every Wednesday. So stay tuned as we work to unravel all the threads, even the

veiled ones that knit together our reality. And please remember to stay kind, stay curious,

and that being a true skeptic requires an open mind. Thank you to my amazing collaborators,

producers Catherine Ellis and Selena Kennedy, technical directing audio mix and finishing by Jeremy

Cole, opening and closing music by Elizabeth PW and original logo and cover art by Ben Condor

I'm Kai Dickens, your executive producer, writer and host