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Handsome, childhood friends, all-mandsome pod, childhood friends, all-mandsome pod, cheers.

Welcome to the Handsome pod.

I'm May Martin.

I'm joined by my co-host.

Take no tarot.

And we're coming to you from the Good Hands studio.

Yeah.

Presented by all-state.

That's right.

It's all-state.

We love all-state.

All-state presented us with this studio.

They sure did.

They've been so good to the Handsome pod, and we really, really appreciate their support.

Yes.

So, yeah.

Thank you all-state for supporting our pod.

Yes, and for the pillows.

Mm-hmm.

My gosh.

It's lovely to see you both.

And I, you.

You're curling up like a little bit.

And I, you too.

Me, us.

Look at y'all sitting over there.

Yeah.

You feel like you're a couple of therapists?

I do.

Do you guys need to talk to me about anything you're going through?

I am going through something that's not great.

What is it?

With May or in life.

No, in life.

Oh, thank God.

No, no.

You're fine.

Okay.

Yeah.

We're fine.

For now.

No, for now.

Yeah.

But if you really want to know.

I do.

That's what the pod's for.

It's a chat.

Yeah.

About anything.

Our little kitty fluff.

Oh, no.

Has cancer.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Yes.

I'm sorry.

Thank you.

She has cancer in her intestines.

But the good news is we have her on steroids.

And she's up and walking around again and eating food.

And then she starts chemo.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

Cat chemo.

Cat chemo.

Yeah.

Cat chemo.

So she's our first born.

And it's been.

It's been tough.

Yeah.

It's been tough.

How were the boys handling it?

You know, they didn't really understand at first.

Because it took us a while to understand that she wasn't doing well.

Because cats sleep a lot.

Yeah.

And she was sleeping unusually relaxed looking.

Yeah.

And that went on for like a week or two where we were like,

God, she's just really zoned.

Yeah.

And then we were like, is she ever leaving this room?

Yeah.

You know?

And when did you see her eat last?

And like all of those kind of things.

It's just, it's not the same as a dog.

Right.

You know, especially when you have a busy life and anyway.

So we would just say fluff was sick.

Yeah.

And we didn't know what it was.

We feared it was that.

Yeah.

And then we had a vet come over.

And he said that her white blood cell count was high.

Yeah.

And that's not a great sign.

But it could be something else.

And then she just kind of deteriorated.

I think before one of our recordings.

Yeah.

She was not, it was bad.

It was bad.

Like, didn't know if she was going to make it through the night.

And then we, I decided like, we should tell Max and Finn that she,

because we didn't know she was going to die that night.

Yeah.

We didn't know what was happening.

Yeah.

So we told them they were very emotional.

Oh.

Yeah.

It was, it was sad.

It was with you losing your first pet.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And so we were Stephanie's dad came over to stay with Finn

because he didn't want to go to the, it was the middle.

It was their bedtime.

Right.

Yeah.

He couldn't handle it.

But Max was like, I have to go.

I want to go.

And so he drove with us.

And we dropped Stephanie and Fleff off.

And he wanted to like walk her in and give her a kiss.

And then I drove him back home.

And then I went back and sat with Stephanie.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So you had the talk with them.

Yeah.

And they, they understand, but it's sad.

Yeah.

And so hopefully the chemo will give her another couple of years.

Oh.

That would be amazing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And in the meantime, we got a treater like a queen.

And we already did.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She had pretty cities as well.

Oh my gosh.

And I have to tell you, or maybe I showed you the picture where she was on top of the chair.

Yeah.

I'll have to post that.

But she was starting to go in areas that she never was to like be alone.

Yeah.

And she was sleeping on the top of Max's fluffy chair and skip and Linus went and got on

that chair, which is not where any of them ever are.

Yeah.

They're sticking around.

Yeah.

That's so nice.

That's so sweet.

That's sweet.

Anyway.

So, um, yeah.

If anyone wants to send some positive vibes to a little kitty.

Yeah.

For sure.

I'm nervous to get a pet.

I mean, it's just inevitable.

It isn't inevitable.

It's the hard part of loving a pet that they just don't get as long of a lifespan.

Yeah.

I mean, I used to, I don't know if people do this, so I'm not crazy, but I used to think about

biggie dying and cry.

And you still live.

Yeah.

What am I doing?

Yeah.

It's like you start mourning them while they're here because you just know.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's inevitable of their lifespan, but it's worth it.

It is so worth it.

It's so worth it.

But man, is it painful?

Yeah.

Yeah.

A day, yeah.

It is.

I also, it's so beautiful that like it's crazy that we think of them as so different to us.

And then you get to go through it with them.

It's like, oh, we're all.

That's so fleeting.

Well, they're just there with you all day and like the love is unconditional.

It's just such a different relationship than.

Yeah.

With anything else in your life.

We're unconditional.

Of course.

Us?

Yeah.

God, for me, almost like biggie.

I was like just crying like a baby every day.

Oh, man.

Yeah.

I remember our friend Allison Dunbar's a big animal lover and yeah.

She was calling it.

I was like, oh, this is why I didn't want to get a dog because this is so painful, but

I would have trade it for the world.

Yeah.

Oh, my gosh.

To have lived this life and not known precious little fluff space, no way, no way.

It's worth it.

And we're going to like, yeah, live it up a fluff, yeah, live it up a fluff, so.

And how's Ginger doing?

She's good.

She turned 80.

She turned 80.

Yeah.

I worked the ginger.

Yeah.

So I think that's a massive milestone.

It is.

And I think she, she was so happy on the day.

So I think just hitting that milestone means so much more to her right now.

And I think she's in that space of like any day is a gift.

And yeah, she had a surgery where they put the radiation balls in her tumors.

So in like two months, they'll check them to see if they've worked the hope of shrinking

those big tumors.

Yeah.

So just trying to get the cancer not to spread is the goal right now.

Yeah.

But her spirits are good.

She's not on chemo at the moment.

So she has more energy.

She looked good in that picture you posted.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She's, you know, the chemo just wrecks your bodies.

Yeah.

I mean, you know, like, I didn't go through chemo.

Oh, you did it.

No, because I realized that.

No, I just had the double mastectomy and then I was also sick with C-diff, which is so

debilitating that I could barely walk across the living room.

Yeah.

And so it just was too much, I couldn't have done it.

What's, it's so tough on the body that like she, seeing her be so in that state was really

hard.

But right now she's doing immunotherapy once a month, so she has some energy back and

that's great.

Yeah.

So she's doing good.

Awesome.

Planning an 80th birthday party for, we couldn't, I couldn't do it on the day because of

my filming schedule, but we're going to do it in March.

Yeah.

March what?

My birthday's March 28th.

I'm the 24th.

Come on.

Come on to Belmont.

Have a double birthday, but right.

My 55th, all Harjours 80th.

All Harjours trooper.

You'll Harjours trooper.

Yeah.

You won't mail her female or both because she's going to want mail, she's going to want

to see some weiner.

I'll do it, guys.

I'll be the stripper.

You'll do it.

I'll be the stripper.

That way you get kind of in the middle.

I think I prefer a mail stripper.

Really?

Yeah.

You don't feel like you're, what's the word exploiting?

Not exploiting.

Probably.

Yeah.

Let me feel more relaxed with the.

I just didn't like, wow, that's hilarious.

Look at your body jiggling around, dude.

Jiggling around.

Yeah.

Look at that body jiggling around.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't mind a good magic mic show or thunder from down under.

I want to take a class.

Yeah.

So badly.

What class?

How to do magic mic dancing.

Oh, really?

If I take a class.

Put that on the list, Thomas.

Would you guys let me?

That's a lot of thrusting.

Right?

Oh, bad buddy.

Have you seen bad buddy in their shorts popping that weiner?

Yeah.

No.

Oh, look at the bad buddy.

He's like, blah, blah, blah, blah.

I had no feelings about bad buddy until the Super Bowl and now I'm in love.

You had no feelings.

Oh, he's amazing.

I was like, he sounds really on point with what he says.

Oh, my god.

He's so sexy.

He said, tell him what's funny.

He goes to him popping that pain.

That's where he became bad buddy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Bad buddy.

It's popping that pain.

It's fun to watch.

Why don't you just get a stripper for your mom?

I don't need to be there.

Okay.

Maybe I will.

What is the pie stripper?

Oh, my god.

She would not like it.

She wouldn't like it.

She was too demure.

Yeah.

She claims to be on the wild side of that stuff, but I guarantee you, if I got a mill stripper

to come, the party in Belmont, she would be so in like red face.

Okay.

Okay.

So, no, not a stripper.

Okay.

A whole team of strippers.

Well, like the magic might be hard.

In her yard.

Yeah.

Just look out the window.

Free party.

Yeah.

Or post party.

Depending on how many drinks she's had.

She deserves it.

Get a few drinks in her.

Then send the dancers over.

Oh, maybe she'd like the thunder from down under.

I think Australian would be there.

Oh, there's a lot of Australia.

Yeah.

No, but hopefully there's enough Australians in Charlotte, North Carolina.

They could just form a, like, posse of...

She likes the accent.

She likes the popper.

Wait, what?

She likes Australians?

I don't know why not.

Okay.

Yeah, yeah.

She probably likes an accent, right?

She probably likes the Thaiga rise of lights.

Here we go again.

She had a fallow pose.

Yes.

I like you guys aren't jumping at the idea of me being stripper for your mom's ideas.

Oh, I forgot you said that.

I forgot.

Yeah, I guess.

I guess, no.

I can fly you to North Carolina.

Come on.

I do want a party with Jenj, but in coach.

In coach.

In coach.

In coach.

In coach.

What about with the extra legroom?

No.

We'll see.

We'll see.

Yeah.

I guess when this comes out, I'll be on a coach on my tour bus, sleeping on a little...

Good segue.

Well, you have a tour bus.

No, I would have never done that.

Have you done that tour bus?

No.

I'm not ever wanted to.

Meaning is here.

It's not been on my bucket list.

I think I'll...

I need, like, space from the road.

I need, like, go home and reset and then go back.

I do...

I am.

Like, I'm only doing that.

Two weeks at a time and then I come back for, like, 10 days or a week and then...

Do you want me to open for you?

Oh, my God.

That people will love that.

Say a little bit.

Say a little bit.

Say a little bit.

Say a little bit.

Say a little bit.

Say a little bit.

People will go...

It's take okay.

How come takes opening for me on tour bus?

It's everywhere right at home for a day.

Takes around away from her problems.

I'm worried about, like, my routines, my facewashing.

Like, there's no shower on the bus, so you've got to shower at the venue and then I guess

when you get to the new city, you can go to a hotel.

You're going to shower at the venue?

I guess.

Yeah.

After the shower somewhere.

But May showers twice a day.

What are you going to do about that?

I'm going to shower in a gym.

Get a hotel room when I get to this city.

And then I'm going to shower, go do the show, then maybe shower at the venue after the show.

Wait, you're going to have a bus and a hotel room?

Well, you drive all night.

Yeah.

I drove all night.

I was worried about the last night.

To get to...

I love it.

It's not all right.

It's such a great line, too.

Is that all right?

Is that all right?

That is a good line.

Yeah.

Is that all right that I did that?

Yeah.

Because I don't want to drive all night if it's not okay with you.

The last thing I want to do is drive all night.

I get there and you're like, not into it.

You should ask if it's all right.

It's all right.

But the song is...

I drove all night.

Is that all right?

Oh.

You're already there.

I know, you're already there.

You are.

And it's like, no, it's not all right.

You're right.

You weirdo.

You should have told me you were renting a car and driving all night.

Like that woman...

Oh, it was like that woman, the astronaut who drove across the country.

And the diaper.

I was in that movie.

Wait, what?

You don't know this story.

No, and I love astronauts and diapers.

Yeah, tell the story, take you in the movie.

The woman played by Natalie Portman.

Yeah.

Wow.

What a get.

What a get.

She...

Okay.

The...

She was obsessed with this guy.

Yeah.

Okay, this is a true story.

Yeah.

She was an astronaut.

Okay.

And so her standards had been much higher.

I know you think she's really on it and wise.

I'm forgetting the story, but basically she drove all night.

To get to him, whether that was all right or not.

I don't think it was all right.

But she had no, it wasn't all right.

And she wore a diaper so she'd get there faster and not have to stop.

She's not all right.

But it became a story because something...

I think it was like she had a diaper on.

Also, why was she telling people she had a diaper on?

But I think they only knew that she had a diaper on because she did something illegal.

Right.

But then the diaper says, okay.

And also it's important you all know she had a diaper on.

Am I right?

Was it like...

Is she in trouble?

Like, why do we know about this?

Yeah, did she show up?

I should have read this in the script.

But yeah.

Who did you close?

It was a long time ago.

I feel like she did something she wasn't supposed to do.

A legend.

Oh my God, we should have a movie podcast.

Or we should have a movie that we never saw anything about it.

But that we were in.

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She did something.

I don't think it.

I think she drove all night.

She was charged with attempted murder.

Wow.

Oh, right.

I forgot.

That was a twist.

So she drove all night to murder him.

And John Ham was his friend, I think.

When was this movie?

Yeah, it was a while ago.

Wow.

You were hit John Ham's friend and was he the guy?

You don't even have it.

I told you remember.

So Natalie Portman shows up in a diaper.

John Ham goes, whoa.

But if Natalie Portman is, well, if she's trying to murder you,

that's different.

I was like, if she's driving all night to come to you,

that's pretty hard.

I thought you were going to say,

if Natalie Portman's showing up in a diaper,

I can work with that.

Yeah, we can figure that out.

Oh.

Yeah.

I don't know.

What was the point of, where did we leave off?

I drove all night.

Before that tangent.

It was from I drove all night.

I know, but I took us on a weird road.

Were we talking about something?

I don't know.

And then I tried to wedge it.

Oh, I was in a movie.

And we were like, we get it.

You film movies.

We get it.

You were in a movie.

No one's aware of.

But she was an astronaut.

Yeah.

I want to know more about this way.

And she worked with him.

He was an astronaut too, maybe.

I don't know.

Yeah, I was like a love triangle.

Oh, and she tried to kill the movie.

It's hard to make.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, there's apparently a movie out there that takes it.

I'm going to learn more.

I should have movie night where I watch movies.

That you've been in.

That you've never seen.

Do you watch all your movies?

What do you mean?

Oh, movies.

All the movies I've been in, I've watched.

No, actually, that's not true.

I was in one in the last year and it didn't watch.

And then I haven't watched all the TV I've been in either.

Yeah.

Guys.

Listen, I don't want to brag, but I've been in a lot of stuff.

This is crazy stuff.

This is crazy stuff.

This is crazy stuff.

How do you watch all your stuff?

Yeah, you're not in that much, though.

Yeah, I'm like, I'm in a lot of things.

I don't want to write one.

I'm in a lot of things.

You're in a lot of things.

But imagine telling your teen self.

You're not even going to watch that movie.

I've filmed, you go to the seasons of things and not watch that.

Do you go to the premieres and stuff?

I haven't been to every premiere now.

Wow.

I can.

I will go, but sometimes I can.

Is it because you find watching yourself?

Sometimes she's busy filming another movie.

She's not going to watch it.

She can't make it to that.

But I watch most of the movies.

Do you find it hard watching yourself?

Is that part of it?

Or you're just nodding into the stuff?

I used to all like it at all.

Now I'm better about it.

I don't mind it.

I'm a big fan.

No, I love it.

Go back.

Go back.

If I was like in a lot of something, I just, I don't know.

Yeah.

I just, I saw it in a couple episodes and that was fine.

Yeah.

I have a hard time watching myself do stand-up.

Yeah.

I think I have more of a hard time watching myself do stand-up.

Yeah.

Really?

Okay.

Probably too.

Yeah.

This goes in my head.

I'm like, oh, that felt, that was so funny that I watched it.

I was like, that wasn't as funny as I thought it was.

Yeah.

Or I think I could have, if I just focused a little more, or I could have found better

words to say that.

Or I was.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm not like, I don't want to watch my stand-up.

Really?

No.

You're good.

I say no to you.

I don't know if anyone sold any of us, but we're good at stand-up and acting, but end-podcasting.

But I, yeah, I don't know.

I find it fascinating when I do watch myself acting, because seeing whatever little

weak moment I had, where I'm like, I could have done that better.

Yeah.

Or I'm like, actually, I did that much better than I thought.

Pretty good.

Yeah.

So I feel a little more removed watching me act.

Right.

Because I feel so connected to my stand-up.

And then you don't want to get in your head about mannerisms or things that you do.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah.

Or like, I went through a phase of thinking, oh, my God, I never move on enough on stage.

I'm just standing there at the mic.

And then, and then I'm going out trying to, I'm pacing around, I'm like, and it's so

not me.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But it is important to watch it from time to time, because back in the day, I'd be like,

oh, I'm yelling the punchline a lot.

Yeah.

Maybe he's simmered down, man.

Maybe that's simmered down a little bit.

Yelling the punchlines.

Oh, and here comes the punchline.

Yeah.

This is good.

I'm just going to, this will be funnier if I yell it.

And then he said.

I had this character that yawns after every punchline, they go, and can you believe that?

No.

It was my uncle.

He's like, they're not.

You got a trace?

I thought that would be a funny character.

And you did that for a while.

I only did it to my friends.

I'd never done it on stage.

Oh, okay.

I just like the idea of bringing a tour.

Bring it on tour.

Bring it on tour.

Yeah.

Put it on that tour bus.

Oh, that's what we were talking about.

Your tour bus.

That tour bus.

Yeah.

Oh, now we get back eventually.

We got so far away.

We got very far.

You get off stage and then you get right on the bus.

You drive all night.

That's right.

And you're going to shower at a hotel.

And wait.

And I'm two showers of that.

You're doing that because you don't want to fly?

Yes.

It's a poor city.

It's cheaper.

And it's so tiring going to the airport and checking in and flying.

It's better for the environment, I think, to drive.

Are you bringing people with you?

Because you can fill up people on a bus.

Like, you'll have an opener.

Like me.

It takes driving the bus.

And no, my buddy.

What is that?

I have to drive the end open for you.

Or you have to drive all night.

And you mind doing the merch table?

My friend Matt is going to do some improv with me at the end of the show.

So there's no opener.

So he'll be on the bus for a while.

Or Atlanta, Johnston's coming for some.

Yeah.

Mostly for you.

To do improv.

Mostly, I'll be on my own.

But I guess the tour manager.

Just the tour manager.

Me, the bus driver.

Tour manager.

And maybe my amazing assistant Lee will come to.

Okay.

Yeah, but.

So you like your assistant?

Obsessed.

Wow.

Amazing.

That's amazing.

Yeah.

Well, that's all wonderful.

Yeah.

We're very happy for you.

Yeah.

Well, I'm excited for your bus tour.

I'm excited to see how you like touring in the US of A in this way.

I know.

I'm curious too.

Because I am pretty rigid in my routines.

Yeah.

So I wonder.

So I'm going to bring a special pillow.

I'm going to bring eye mask.

I'm going to bring earmuffs.

Earmuffs.

Earmuffs.

Clear mascara.

Clear mascara.

I just want to be able to sleep.

I want like a blanket.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What else should I bring?

Goldfish.

You got to bring the cracker.

Or actual goldfish.

An actual goldfish.

A lot of goldfish.

Yeah.

You got to get a goldfish bowl.

Fish bowl.

To watch it.

Yeah.

You got to.

Can I get you guys to record a meditation?

Like a guided meditation?

How does that work?

So it's nice music.

And it's like.

You're relaxing.

You're relaxing.

You're closing your eyes.

Yeah.

You've just been on stage.

You crushed.

You also have gas.

So far.

Yeah.

It's not putting me to sleep.

Relax.

Relax.

We have to put that on repeat.

Oh, I can't.

We hear that over and over again.

You're good enough.

You're smart enough.

And dog gone at people like you.

Yeah.

Do you like this?

Well, you don't respond to the meditation, man.

Yeah.

I'm a friend.

I guess you make a good point there.

Sure do.

Like me.

Yeah.

Well, I know you're going to play any music.

I don't know if the mood takes me.

I didn't know that's why you also have the buzzes for your guitar.

No, I think I'm just trying to be economical.

Okay.

I think.

All right.

I don't know.

I don't know either.

I wish we were all going together.

I'd love to do a handsome live tour.

Maybe one day.

But would we go nuts on the bus, probably?

We would maybe the whole tour would be like two weeks long.

Yeah, max.

That we could see.

I think that would we go nuts like party, like smash beer cans on our heads.

I don't even go to the lesbian bar in Nashville after I show.

Yeah.

If that tells you anything.

Well, when I'm bringing the party to the bus here, I have a choice.

Oh boy.

I did just have a hang with a bunch of girlfriends.

And we did karaoke.

You're the only gay person that I know of that says my girlfriend.

It's because we have a lot of straight friends who are girls.

And they all say use that word.

But just say friends.

Because otherwise, I didn't want you to know the big girls.

I assumed.

Yeah.

So we all, all my friends who are girls, we had a big karaoke night.

That's fun.

What'd you say?

Just lots of like lady anthems.

A lot of group singing or a lot of group singing.

Yeah, we all joined in.

Yeah.

That's fun.

It was really fun.

Had you done karaoke with them before?

Like that's your karaoke.

No, this was a new.

They're my friends.

But we hadn't had a karaoke night.

Girlfriend.

Private my girlfriends.

No, just at a friend's house.

Oh, at someone's house.

Here in LA.

Yeah.

I like those private rooms you can rent.

I've never done one of those.

But it looks fun because you can just sing it over and over.

As long as people are terrible singers.

That's a nightmare.

It's like it'll be a venue and then you can get a room for like eight people.

And then you just to sing karaoke.

Yeah.

And there's just what kind of leather couches a disco ball in a little room around this size

or smaller and the TV.

And then you can call for drinks.

Wait, do we put that on the list?

I can't even put that on the list.

That needs to be done.

I don't know.

I can't even put that on the list.

If we have this.

This is long.

I mean, you doing that while I'm tucked in bed with my C-PAP machine on the bus.

Or just in one of those rooms.

Yeah.

And I'm just like.

Yeah.

I think I'm going to get rid of my C-PAP.

It's not working.

I don't think so.

Like you're asleep a lot of hearts with it.

Sometimes.

There's like a mouth guard that you can use that maybe does the same job.

It's to stop sleep apnea.

Yeah.

Okay, okay.

So then, yeah, what would you replace it with?

The mouth piece.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

If you were listening to me one second ago.

I'm sorry.

Well, what an adventure.

Me.

Yes.

Are we trying to segue into our question?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Let's do it.

Today's question, Oscar, is a Grammy winning singer, songwriter and actor who's sold more than

three million albums and starred in the show Girls 5 Eva.

She co-wrote and performed the original song Salt, Then, Sour, Then, Sweet for the Oscar-nominated

documentary.

Come see me in the good light.

Sarah Burellis is asking today's question.

Also, her Broadway show Waitress is so good.

I love that one song.

She is a real talent.

She is very talented.

I love her voice and a wonderful human.

Hi, handsome.

I'm eating snap peas.

My name is Sarah Burellis.

I just picked out Zit and my question for you is not really of my own devising, but it's

a question I heard after other people and I thought it was interesting, so I'm going

to re-ask it here.

And if I knew the source, I would quote them, but I don't, so they're shit out of luck.

My question for you is, you have two bananas.

Okay.

One banana is perfectly ripe.

The other banana is a little bit too ripe.

Do you eat the perfect banana?

Or do you eat the banana that's a little bit too ripe, so as not to waste the two ripe

banana?

Knowing that by the time you're hungry for another banana, the likelihood is that the

second banana will also be too ripe.

This is like a total my question.

Do you think?

I can ask this all the time.

It feels like you're a rice thing that last episode, where you're like talking to rice

and something's happening.

It's dying.

What was you saying to the bananas?

I don't know that I'm talking to these bananas, okay?

I guess I'm apologizing to whichever one I leave behind.

I have strong feelings about two ripe bananas.

Okay.

I would love to hear this.

Get started.

We want a hot take.

Okay.

Here's my hot take.

Hot take.

I like a slightly green banana, but it's a very fine line.

If it's chalky, no good.

So the green is like, it's ripe enough.

Yeah.

If it's even slightly brown, like if it's got speckles on it, that's for baking.

And you've got to do a banana bread or something, I think, or smoothie.

Or smoothie, sure.

Fine.

Well, you know, if a banana has a hint of green and is speckled, then it has been

unnaturally and mechanically ripened, so you don't need those.

If it has green and speckles.

Yeah.

If you see it like a really hard or hard banana, but it also has, yeah.

So what do they have ripening?

Yeah.

How's that machine?

I look, I'm not, I don't, I don't know about bananas.

I don't work there.

But here's the thing.

You knew a lot about bananas.

Well, I do.

Remember, I told you bananas are actually berries.

Yeah.

Banana's are actually berries.

Also, did you know so many people die from Black Widow spiders hiding in banana bunches?

And it's actually very dangerous.

Oh, and they try to scare us when they pick them?

Yeah, when they pick them and sometimes they've come over to your house, in my house.

And then go, what's up?

You're going to eat me.

And then my thing that I want to patent is if you take a bite of the peel of the banana,

and then you let it taste all weird in your mouth,

then you take a bite of the berry itself, the fruit of the banana, then it tastes like

a tomato.

And I patented that, and I invented that.

Wait, this is true things you're telling us?

This is true.

And you're taking a bite of the peel?

Yeah, I don't know how I would.

Yeah.

Yeah, I basically discovered it by accident, I accident, I bet, well, I would sometimes bite

the banana to open it, you know, on the, on the button, not on the stalk end.

Yeah.

And then I have the taste of the peel in my mouth, I guess, I eat the fruit, and I go,

tomato.

Tomato.

And I spread the word, tomato.

Tomato.

Yeah.

Tomato, tomato.

Yeah, try it out.

Banana, banana.

I love bananas.

I do too.

I have a lot.

And I've never eaten a peel.

I've never eaten a peel either.

So how are you opening them, guys?

What did I say, guys?

I peel them up.

I peel up top, but I did see John Mulaney do a thing about how his wife peels them, which

was at the butt.

At the butt.

At the butt.

I do that.

Yeah.

Yeah, because that's how the monkeys do it.

And when you're doing that, you might squish the top and, yeah, but you eat bananas every

day, would you say?

No.

Oh, really?

No.

I don't eat fruit every day.

Really?

I'm not.

My health not.

A little smoothie in the morning?

I love a smoothie, but I do have a weird texture thing.

And fruit bumps up against my texture situation more than anything.

What about apples?

Really?

I love apples.

Really?

I love apples, but I should be eating the fruit I like more than I do, but I really do

enjoy an apple.

Especially an apple.

Y'all know I'm a peanut butter bitch.

Oh, yeah.

And this peanut butter on a, this peanut butter bitch loves the apple.

Me too, girl.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm a peanut butter girl.

Yeah.

I eat that about every day.

Yeah.

I know what?

Me too, actually.

I eat almost a quarter to a half a jar of peanut butter a day.

Me too, I think.

Yeah.

It's my favorite food.

And crunchy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I always think about, because, um, I do heap and scoops on my apple.

Heap and scoops.

Yeah.

Patten that maybe.

Heap and scoops.

Heap and scoops should be the company.

Yeah.

I also have peanut butter on bananas as well.

Oh, yes.

It's delicious.

Banana, um, uh, sandwich with honey sometimes inside.

Well, not for me, but yes, just my vegan issues.

I would like, oh, oh, you can't eat honey because bees are harmed.

Well, it's, it's animal product, you know, whatever, whatever, you know, sometimes

it sneaks into my food and I live through it.

Yeah.

But so for me, bananas are, it can be dicey if they're too ripe.

I can't.

Yeah.

I can throw that in a smoothie.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Throw that out of the strings or bananas.

Banana strings.

Banana strings it.

Yeah.

Throw it in a smoothie down the road.

Yeah.

Freeze it.

Don't freeze it.

You freeze it.

But if a banana has a bunch of brown spots on it, that's, I'm like, when I was a little

and I would respond that way to it, my mother was like, that's the sweet part of the banana.

I know.

So many people were like, it's, that's the best.

What?

It is sweeter when it's birthers.

Oh.

It's sweeter, but there's like a sourness too.

It's disgusting.

I can't do that.

Yeah.

I find something else for your sweet tooth.

Yeah.

It's disgusting.

It's, wait, why is it not that we're on the same page three, three of us?

I don't know.

It's the first time we all come together.

Yeah.

But Sarah's asking us.

But Sarah's asking about these two bananas, like, it's a hard choice.

No, I'm eating the perfectly ripe one.

Yeah.

And then does that say something about this?

It's very, and so mad at Sarah.

No, I love Sarah.

She's such a nice person.

I know it's mine.

That was one I was trying to think of.

Oh, my God.

Have you heard her do that with Rufus?

Wayne Wright?

Yes.

That was gorgeous.

Are they trying to kill us?

They're trying to kill us.

Are they trying to kill us?

Have you heard it, Michael?

No, it's gorgeous.

Why don't you say your goodbyes?

No, listen to it.

I'm going to say it.

Goodbye.

It is.

It's really.

What's it called?

It used to be mine.

I'm writing it down.

It's from Waitress, the musical, what she wrote the music for.

I mean.

Used to be my mom.

She's trying to kill us.

She's got some great songs.

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In partnership with Airbnb, let's talk a little bit about travel.

TIG, as you know, I'm about to go on my first big tour around the United States.

And while I'm traveling in a bus, I want to make sure I get a couple nights in a nice comfy bed that's not on wheels.

So I'm going to book a couple nights day on Airbnb.

That sounds like a plan, May. What area are you looking?

Well, I'm going to be in Florida, which I'm very excited about.

And I'd love to find somewhere with a hot tub or a sauna that I can relax in.

Maybe some nice nature nearby, like a big park or something.

I love finding a home on Airbnb because I know I can get the place all to myself

and I can read tons of reviews and make sure it's a great place.

Airbnb also has guest favorites badges that show me the highest rated and most loved homes.

I've just never gone wrong booking one of those.

You know I swam with sharks in Florida? Is that something you would ever try?

I hadn't thought about that, but if I'm near the ocean, then who knows?

Maybe I will. On the other hand, if I find a really nice place on Airbnb,

I may just never want to leave.

I think it's like if you eat the perfectly ripe banana, then it's wasteful.

But you could use the two ripe banana to bake, I'm saying.

It's weird that bananas aren't like used more for sex stuff because...

Oh, hello.

Or just sit there and laugh.

I didn't do that, by the way.

May did this turn. I did not make this.

I didn't say anything.

I could just hear a fortune Marie on your tongue.

fortune Marie.

What about a May Marie?

Well, a girl, girl Marie.

Girl Marie.

Girl Marie.

Girl Marie.

But like, you know, like egg plants have become synonymous with.

Right.

Or because it's fast and stickier.

The bananas too, too small maybe?

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

I'm just, do you think more people are going to go commercial by myself?

Well, when you say, when you say you want bananas become more sexual.

I didn't say I want.

I said I'm surprised that more people aren't...

You think this is what all state wants from us?

Oh, you're so right.

Do you really think this is what all state wants?

And they're in a good hands studio.

I know.

Oh, no.

I was trying to keep it bare.

I know you were, girl.

I think you've overused that word in this episode.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Maybe it was another episode.

Yeah.

Whatever.

What were you saying, Mae?

Just like I'm surprised I haven't come across in my exploits.

I know.

Someone going, hey, can I fuck you with a banana?

You know.

Like I'm going to commercial with her without you.

Wow.

Oh, you think.

Wow.

Because that's that voice you do that I love.

Like, wow.

I don't know.

Maybe because you sound like a cat.

Maybe.

Yeah.

Mae, really let that one loose.

We should have a cat fight.

And just like wrestle each other.

That sounds fun.

Yeah.

I mean, I'd have to put a back brace on.

You'd have to help me put it on wrestling.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We should make that a live event.

Well, I DMed this.

But on the last promise.

There's this like.

We'll do it at one of our shows.

I know.

Press a lot of Matt.

Organize it.

Because I found this company that's like.

Queered.

Or did oil wrestling.

Or should do oil wrestling.

I DM them.

I go, when's your next event?

Did you slide into their dance?

We do have that show at the will turn May 4th.

But I don't know if we can pull it together.

We can wrestle our guests.

I DM them.

It's like.

It's Maul and Akerman.

I know.

He's no.

I think we could take him.

Yeah.

We could for sure take him.

I could take him.

I lead to some wrestling.

Yeah.

But the embarrassing thing was I was like.

Yeah.

Let me know when your next event is in LA.

I want to come in.

They were like.

When are you fighting?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Let me know when your next event is in LA.

I want to come in.

They were like.

When are you free?

And we'll make an event.

And they were like.

We can come to you.

Yeah.

And I was like.

Oh, no, no.

I'll just toggle on.

They're like, in your backyard.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But I think it would be really fun.

I think to get your aggression out in a safe way.

Yeah.

But I think that I would have.

I would need to be fully closed.

Because.

Wait.

Are we not closed?

No.

We're covered in oil.

And just naked?

No.

I guess you can wear a bathing suit.

A men's bathing suit down to my knees.

Yeah.

And they were in like bikinis or something.

But I feel like you guys would pull my bathing suit on.

I wouldn't.

Because I wouldn't want that.

That would happen to me.

Oh, right.

Do on to others.

Exactly.

I don't want to feel sad.

I don't want to ask out.

You know, he grew up in the church.

I don't need my baby in the show.

I don't need to see it.

I don't need to see it.

I don't need to see it.

I don't.

I'm not trying to see it.

Yeah.

So I'm not pulling down your bathing suit.

Why don't you back off?

Well, I'll take you right now.

I would assume you would be naked in this scenario.

No, I'm not saying you're always naked until you get here.

No, I love clothes.

I assume you're just always naked.

Swanning around.

I assume you're topless a lot in some sort of ponties.

You know what's crazy is I around my house.

Roughly ponties.

Roughly.

Around my house, I am topless a lot.

But now I've got people doing the garden.

And they're these nice older men.

And I just don't want to make them uncomfortable.

Because they call me a she.

And I can't be bothered to correct them.

And I'm like, what would they think if I was just walking around?

You know, doing push-ups.

That's it.

I don't know.

So I just forever.

Hot tub tits out.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Is that a callback to one of our bits?

Yeah, my hot tub's too short.

Oh, right, right, right.

My tits are out.

Hot tub.

That feels like one of those things where a fan would come up and be like,

hot tub tits out.

Hot tub tits out.

People do that.

They have since that episode.

They've said hot tub tits out.

Really?

I just feel like I could see myself passing somebody on the sidewalk.

They say that.

I look at them weirder than they're like, tigs root.

And then you're like, keep your hands on them.

Yeah.

Wait, somebody just did that.

Oh, I checked into a hotel in Chicago.

And what they said.

She was just very professional checking me in asking for my credit.

You know, like ID and everything.

And then she pulled a book up my book.

And she said, oh, I brought some reading materials tonight.

I was like, oh, how funny.

Thanks.

And then after she checked me in and gave me the key, she goes,

and keep it handsome.

And I was like, well, you little rascal.

You didn't give away anything.

Like when I walked out, there was no vibe that she knew who I was.

That's great.

And slid that old puppy in at the end.

She sure did.

There was no puppy.

That would have been a fun thing on check there.

Very fun to sign up.

You just bring a puppy into your room.

Yeah.

Oh, amazing.

And then you also have to pay the cleanup fee.

Yeah.

Should we hear what Sarah has to say?

Yeah, I'm curious if she's finished those snow peeps.

I just want to know if there's a deeper meaning to this.

Like we're a certain personality type if we do it.

Yeah.

We're revealing we're terrible people.

Yeah.

Maybe we shouldn't play her answer.

I'll just call her.

Don't play the answer.

Well, can I ask real quick before we...

How did you meet Sarah?

She flew out as a fan of Andrea Gibson's to see Andrea's final show.

Oh, okay.

And then we all connected through that.

But she was there by herself.

Oh, wow.

She was on her own little journey.

She lost her dear friend to cancer and was just really connecting with this and Andrea

and came out for the show.

And then, yeah, we've all just become really close.

Yeah.

And I kind of forgot where she came from.

Oh, but that's where it is.

That's cool.

Yeah.

Is she ever sung to you?

Um, we just...

No.

No.

I should sing to her.

You should.

Absolutely.

Okay.

Thank you for that.

Yeah.

You're welcome.

I like her song Brave.

Yeah.

Anyway.

Okay.

I eat the two ripe banana because I'm too lazy to make banana bread.

Mm-hmm.

And I don't like to waste.

She's better than us.

Yeah.

She is better than us.

May God bless us all.

Wow.

I thought you was going to say something about me at the end there.

Yeah.

Say, waste a lot.

I can't do that.

That's your point.

What not to be.

Yeah.

I'm just going to throw the way that I'm bad at throwing the whole thing through.

Yeah.

If you don't want to beg Sarah, throw in a blender.

You could throw in a freezer.

Or throw in a freezer.

Can you believe we had her on the show only for her to shame us about her bananas?

She didn't know she was going to shame us because she didn't answer.

I think she knew.

But I think she knew.

But you can freeze the banana past its point.

I know this.

And then throw it in a smoothie or then throw it in a smoothie or then the texture won't

mess you up.

Wait.

Oh, my.

Did you see that?

What happened?

May.

May.

May.

Said.

Tell me.

I'm like.

Something like this.

Fortune Marie.

Put your hand down.

Put your hand down.

May.

Come on.

My legs are asleep.

Oh.

Well, let's whisper that.

But may did this.

I saw you the first three times you did it.

Just saying.

This is a Christian podcast.

You're titling on me, dude.

Dude, dude.

You did it.

You did it.

You did it.

I like it.

I got reprimanded.

Yeah, bro.

You're titling on me.

You keep your ruffle panties in your pants.

What's up, girl, dude?

Bro.

Dude, bro.

Yeah.

Okay.

My son's calling me, dude.

That's really fun.

I don't just at that age.

How do you feel about that?

Dude.

I don't know.

That's really fun.

I would be like, it's mommy.

Mom, daddy.

You.

Mom, daddy.

Watch him.

Mommy, daddy.

Watch him.

Watch him.

Watch him.

Watch him.

I feel like my daddy.

Did it.

It's a sign of respect.

It's like, they're like, we're friends.

And it's not what you're doing.

It's all the time.

It's just every once in a while it slips out.

Well, it'll be like, guys, you have to put your shoes on.

Dude.

Dude.

Dude, I love that.

Yeah.

Not for me.

Okay.

It's not like I'm in mom, daddy.

Don't shoot.

You're going to come over.

It's like Mary Poppins, man.

Is that what you.

Is that what you would go by, mommy, daddy?

No, I don't know.

I've never even thought about it.

Well, I need you to think about it.

But probably still be a mom, a version of mom.

Yeah.

Mom, daddy.

Mom, mom.

I don't want to be like, you old Bertha.

Where's my mom?

Where's my mom?

Dude.

I don't want to be a mom.

Well, if you're a mom, you're going to be my mom.

Mom.

I don't want to eventually be a mom.

Yeah, I don't want that.

Well, I don't know if I want to say mom, not mommy.

Why are you in there little mayor?

And then when they get the mayor, I like mayor.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It feels so right.

It does feel right for you.

Yeah, so ripe.

Oh, too ripe?

Wait, wait, wait, bring it full circle to bananas.

Yes, indeed.

Well, this was a treat to have Sarah Borellis.

I mean,

been honored to get better than her voice.

She's got a gorgeous voice.

I'll be listening in my car.

Say what you want to say.

Oh, is that her?

Yeah.

I want to wait.

How does it go?

Honestly, I'm being brave.

Oh, yeah, look at I know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, my gosh, she has some good ones.

Yeah, you don't know that used to be mine.

No, I know.

She's easy to say,

love of all.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Now do you know this?

I know this has been the last time I did this before.

Something that I gave you.

Or something, having a stroke.

Ha, ha, ha.

She used to be mine.

OK.

Well, you know, you know, when people

like get all-simurism, it's really hard,

and then sometimes music,

like brings them back.

I feel like, if you ever ended up like in a home

we went to visit you and you're a vegetable,

then we would say you're a vegetable.

We'd play you a song.

It's not a fruit, not a banana, not a fruit.

No, I just haven't heard anyone say that.

If it's been a while.

Actually, have you put me in a home, but I'm a vegetable?

Yeah, but then I'd play you a leaf.

Is that from vegetative stays?

This is my leaf, vegetable.

I'd play you, I wanna see you.

And you suddenly light up.

I see you be brave.

And I go, and you can't make it one day.

And you send me to go sing.

And there's no response.

Yeah, so much.

I'm like, pass.

I'm gonna act it.

Get her out of here.

Oh, God, I heard.

She's saying, she's talking.

Yeah, she's saying get her out of here.

Get her out of here.

Wow, this really took a good turn for me.

Perfectly healthy enough to go visit me and sing.

Wow, you guys are just living your best life.

Over there is a state.

Well, even if you were a vegetable, we'd still roll you in.

Wow, we were recording.

Yeah, we would.

And we'd take you on tour.

And all three of us would say, keep an eye on them.

And your eyelid would twitch and then take we go,

watch them hurry.

Yeah, I know what that meant.

Yeah.

And then even then my eyelids would be fixed for my surgery.

What is it?

Yes, it's the surgery.

My surgery is March 20th.

Oh, my God.

I'm excited.

I can't wait.

You're excited.

We can't wait.

You're gonna come sing to me in the hospital.

I really like vegan cinnamon roll and your honor.

Oh, my God.

Did I tell you about that?

No, but the cinnamon roll sounds delicious.

After I had surgery and had terrible complications in 2019, I was only eating chocolate milkshakes

that were like the size of like five feet tall.

Oh, my God.

And then vegan cinnamon rolls that were bigger than my face.

And that was because I was having trouble keeping weight on.

And so that was, I was just pounding.

Oh, pounding it.

And now is, do you have too much?

So now it's nauseating to you where you still love it.

I can still love it.

I can still love it.

There you go.

Yeah.

Any noodles.

I'm gonna have dinner after this.

I know, I'm hungry.

I'm hungry.

Let's wrap it up then so we can get you guys fed.

I gotta go to a screening of Come See Me in the Good Light, which Sarah Bareilles.

She's an EP, along with Brandy Carlyle.

And they sing that salt and sour and sweet.

March 3rd.

I'm on tour.

Check out MayMartin.net.

See if I'm coming to your town.

You're also touring around.

Yeah.

I'm gonna be in San Diego.

I believe at the Civic Center on the, is it the seventh?

Whatever the Saturday is coming up.

Then I have a bunch of dates.

Little Rock, Fayetteville, Arkansas, Oklahoma City.

Yeah.

A bunch of places.

I don't know where else because I don't have it in front of me.

But I'm on tour fortunefeemster.com.

I am on tour as well.

Tignotaro.com.

And speaking of San Diego, I've always wanted to have a breakfast restaurant there called the

Sandy Ago.

Oh, there you go.

There you are.

Wait, I don't get it.

Well, there's like waffles called Egos.

Oh, the Sandy Ago.

I'm also on Cedar Rapids.

And Rochester, Minnesota.

Also, check out Starfleet Academy that I'm on with Holly Hunter and Paul Giamatti and

an incredible cast.

Also, tomorrow, I will be performing for the stand-up for a quality show March 4th in Los Angeles

with Margaret Cho, Mateo Lane, and a bunch of incredible comedians come on out.

And please share any of your favorite episodes with anybody.

Rate, review, subscribe, YouTube, go to YouTube.

Yeah.

It's our fun merch.

We have all these great shirts that have come out.

Oh, we have our show, The Will Turn.

Yes.

It's right.

In Los Angeles, May 4th is a joke festival.

We will be doing a handsome live show.

Do we announce our guests?

Yep.

It's Britney Snow and Molly Nackerman.

Yeah.

Excellent.

From the hunting wives.

A lot of lezzies stuff going on in that show.

And with that after my birthday.

Oh, it doesn't matter.

Not a live show.

Not a live show.

Not a live show.

Not a live show.

Not a live show.

Not a live show.

Not a live show.

We heard you.

Lauren shows fortune-termity.

Teteys.

We're going to ask her about it.

Oh, my God.

Because not only will they be asking a question, we're also going to chat with them a little bit.

Okay.

And with that.

Keep it handsome.

Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tignotaro, and Fortune Feemster.

The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willett.

Email us at HandsomePod at gmail.com.

And please follow us on social media at HandsomePod.

What a podcast.

What a podcast.

What a podcast.

What a podcast.

That was a hate bomb podcast.

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