Small Financial Wins Lead To Big Financial Impact

Charlotte, North Carolina, we are coming to town April 7th for the Ramsey show live.

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Normal is broken, common sense is weird, so we're here to help you transform your life from the Ramsey Network

in the Fairwinds Credit Union Studio. This is the Ramsey show and I am Rachel Cruz hosting this

hour with Dr. John Zolone and it's open lines, so give us a call at AAA8-8255-225. We're talking

about your life and your money. First up is Sue in Houston, Texas. Hi Sue, welcome to the show.

Hello. Hi, how can we help today? I was trying to determine if my husband is being financially

abusive. Okay, so what's going on? He has two separate bank accounts on top of a joint

bank account that we have, only a portion of his check goes into the joint bank account,

all of my money goes into the joint bank account. He is constantly upset, making accusations that

I'm spending thousands more than we should be spending, but he doesn't really know what our bills

are because I'm the one who logs in and pays for those and so he just tells me that I'm hiding

things from him and he thinks I have this separate bank accounts when I do not and I just don't

paranoid. Very. Well, often the complaint that you're making about your spouse is the thing that

you're doing. So spouses that are like, are you cheating on me? I know you're cheating on me.

Often have something going on on the side, right? So his paranoia about what are you doing with our money

or with my money may be rooted in him doing what he's doing with his money. I don't know if calling

this financial abuse is instructive here. I think what's instructive here is you feel out to lunch

and you're getting accused about things that you're not doing and you have a partner who's totally

disengaged from you and the household finances and yet swoops in and tries to quarterback everything

and I would deal with that directly or the ramifications of he won't deal with it directly, right?

Yeah, what does he say when you ask, do you have access to his other two accounts? Are you able to

just see it? You may not have a card, but can you log in and see what he's doing?

No, I do not have any access. I do not know what money goes into the accounts. I know for a fact

a portion of his check goes directly into one of the accounts. What does he say? He sets it up

that way. Why? He's never mentioned other than hinting that he just wants to make sure that

he can take care of himself if anything were to happen. One time he has messaged me and blatantly

said that he transfers money out of the account to his other account to make sure that if he ever

needed to get an attorney, he would be taken care of. Out of the blue, he like texts you that or

you guys were in a fight. I don't understand where he's coming from. Has he always been like this?

Yes. He goes blank through this regularly, probably once every other month. He has questions about

it. It usually doesn't last very long, but this time we're going into the third week of continuing to

not see eye to eye with the finances. It's hard to see eye to eye when I can't see part of the

finances and what he's spending money on. I don't care that he has separate bank accounts. I don't

care that he spends money out of this account. I don't even care what he spends the money on

because we are able to take care of things. You should care. I can't make you care. Even saying

should isn't a nice thing to say. Give me this answer. Where else are you all not together?

Where else does he do whatever? He just gets good ready to do leaving you to take care of the kids,

the house, the whatever. Yes. We don't see eye to eye on almost everything, really.

I'm wondering if the money is a proxy war here to avoid dealing with the reality that y'all

aren't even good co-managers of your house. You're the manager of the house. You just have an

overbearing CEO that swoops in every once in a while and yells about stuff and threatens and

takes some of the money out of the account and leaves again. This won't be solved by quote-unquote

getting on the same page with your money. You only need to go see a marriage therapist like ASAP

because I think the marriage y'all had is over and you only decide whether y'all want to build

a new one together and I can almost guarantee you because of the way he's talking and treating you

and your household finances. He is either planning it out or he is dealing with some psychiatric

issues that make him feel like there's an out-happening but y'all need to get down to the reality

here. The money is a symptom of a really a much bigger issue in your marriage and you know that,

right? I'm not telling you something you don't know. You feel that every day, right?

Correct. Yes. I pretty much knew the answer to my question already but it was more of one of

those confirmation hearing it from someone else. Yeah. Sue, how long have you been? Sorry,

you guys. I just, and I tell him that like, let's go to a councilor. Let's get the root of the

problem because that's not his only argument. There are many, many, many other arguments that he

just bounces between when he gets in this mindset. Can I, you work outside the home too?

I own a cleaning business. Okay. Do you have enough money in your account to pay the bills for

your home? If he did not contribute, I would not have enough to pay by myself because I have

employees and cost expenses that I have to take care of on top of taxes. But I mean, that should

not be in your household account. That should be in a business account. In the state of Texas,

it's not required to have separation. It's not about it being required. It's just not wise because

it mixes everything because suddenly you need groceries and you're trying to pay somebody else's

like the hours they put in last week. You get what I'm saying? Just from a clean accounting

perspective, having it separate, it's important. When you're running a small business, I would do that.

And then I would have your own account at this point. Yeah. You're getting to a place where you

have your own account. But Rachel, my concern is if she started had her own account to make sure

the lights stay out on in the mortgage state paid, he's going to pull out his, what he puts in

there every month and you can't support yourself on that. Correct. We've created a lifestyle that

requires both of our pay. Okay. Well, then he gets screwed in the process too because his lights

are going to be cut off in the home that he lived in. Sure. Well, and here's the reality. His secret

accounts, all of that gets laid bare in a divorce hearing. Right. It's not like he's got this secret

pot that he gets to play with when one of y'all files, all of that gets put into a big pot that

gets divvied up. And so I don't know what he thinks he's preparing for, but it's not reality.

How many of you guys have been married, Sue? We have been together for 19 years with a four-year

separation because of mental illnesses on his part and married for nine of those years.

Okay. What is his diagnosis? Actual diagnosis is bipolar. There have been discussions of

schizophrenia and paranoia, but no medication. He's not, he's not managing it.

Correct. Okay. Well, then that makes sense like in my head. That's a safety issue.

Yeah. That's the piece of the puzzle that makes all this make sense. Yeah.

Like it's him. I mean, yeah, he's not, he's not okay. He's not healthy.

Yeah. And even trying to discuss it with him, whether right or wrong on my part,

there's no getting through. No. And I don't use this word lightly, but he's not well. He's sick.

And he's untreated. His illness is untreated, but he's not well.

And so you continuing to try to bang your head up against that situation is only going to give you

a bruise, right? And so we have to take care of ourselves when those around us aren't taking care of

themself.

Hey guys George here, listen 99 times out of 100

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up next in New York City we have Valerie on the line hi Valerie hi how are you

hi we're doing well how are you okay um yeah I just wanted to get on here I've

seen a few of your videos and I love the advice you give to people and I'm

going to start a licensed practical nurse nursing program in August and I was

going to pay my tuition out of pocket it's well it's $8,000 unfortunately my

fiancé lost his job so I've been whittling away at my savings so it does no

longer seems like it option either way so I was trying to find a student loan

and I didn't think it would be so difficult but I guess it's not a college and

it is a similar nursing program they don't they won't loan money to a school

that they're not associated with like any school loan company and I really don't

know where to go from here I've never taken out a loan for anything yeah please

don't start Valerie please don't start okay yeah we're probably not gonna we're

not we're not probably we're not the ones that are going to direct you on how to

get a loan were the ones to help you get out of debt not get you in debt so

did you say it was $8,000 for the program correct Valerie is this an

unaccredited program you know that's the thing right it's it's a it's a

Pasek County Technical Institute right it's a vocational high school and they

have been a furthering adult learning program okay so that you can get your

LPM license it's a one-year program so I'm really not sure how it's labeled

but when I go and ask a loan companies like Sally me or something they try to

look for it and they say oh we're not associated with this school so we don't do

loans for that yeah the same thing I want to make sure that the degree is it's

usable yeah I would before I gave this college a penny or this program a penny

oh well this program I have cousin that have gotten in this program they

paid it out of pocket okay and they're working and they're making great

money okay okay so Valerie what you got to do girl what you got to do you got

to you got to come up with eight grand and five months so you need $1,500 to

$2,000 a month what can you do as a side hustle to get that well I could tell

you can stop paying off your paying for your fiance your fiance needs to go

start bagging groceries and like throw in trash and drive an Uber whatever

yeah because you're dwindling your savings for him whatever they got to do

well yeah we've we've lived together for a long time you know and you know it's just

paying the rent you know you before we were splitting it splitting the bills and now I'm covering

the whole thing while we're looking while he's looking for another job and the meantime he's

been selling his things but you know yeah let me say it like this your choice to cover for his

expenses is a choice to delay going to nursing school it's just that simple because you don't have

the money and a bank makes money by loaning you money and the banks have looked at you and said

for whatever reason we don't feel comfortable giving you this money either for because you're

alone risk doesn't sound like you are or we don't think that the product that you're want to

want to buy with this borrowed money which in your case is a degree we don't feel safe giving you

that money and so you don't have it and so it's it's it's I think you can get it Valerie you have

five you have eight you have five months so you got to figure out hey what does Valerie have to do

for Valerie in the next five months to get this eight grand and it's a year-long program I wonder

if you call the admissions office and just say hey can I can I pay the first semester up front

and then pay the second half you know what it means where you can kind of delay a payment or two

but we we talk to people all the time Valerie and they're and they're hustling they're

doing dog walking they're cleaning houses they're driving Uber Eats and they're making

thousand to two thousand dollars on side hustles so that's what I would be doing Valerie every night

after I leave my full-time job because what what are you making in your job right now how much

you bringing home a month I mean $24 an hour which is about like after taxes like $750 a week

okay well you got to figure out number one how you're going to pay rent but number two how what

you're going to do and the boundaries you're going to make with the boyfriend of that you're

not going to be supporting him this whole time because you guys you aren't you aren't married

I understand you guys are in a living situation yet to pay the rent but girl I would figure out

yeah how am I going to make this cash and I would be working nights and weekends to figure it out

please don't take a loan out though please let's go to Dan in Charlotte tie Dan

hi there how are you guys doing hi we're doing great how can we help great I've got a quick

question for you guys so I'm 24 making around $80,000 a year thinking about buying a $70,000 toy

so right now I drive an older car it's an older Corolla with a little bit of a hundred thousand

miles oh yeah just get started just get started Dan that's right that's right but thinking about

adding a second one to the fleet and this would be funny enough be a toy that is more expensive than

than my current car but it would cost me about $7,000 and I'm wondering if that's a wise decision

to spend that much money on a toy at this phase of life and be just kind of like the

practicality of owning two cars what's the toy that's not a toy Dan that's a statement

that's an identity brother do you have any debt do you have consumer debt no man no do you have

savings yeah I've got about 22,000 saved in a brokerage just in money marketing

mutual fund oh good for you would you take the $7,000 take the $7,000 out of that to buy it

and your Corolla how much is it worth a million dollars because it will never stop running ever

that's correct they're honestly you know I have some co-workers say I should I should drive

into the ground but I think I'd be 44 if I did that you bro I've been down that road I tried to

outlast a Corolla and I gave up it will outlast you it's an apocalypse vehicle it will outlast you

so it's what if you sold it then what five five thousand seven thousand yeah maybe four yes okay so

the things I'm looking for the big check marks of can you just go spend money number one do you

have it number two financially are you in a place that that money would be better spent in the

present meaning like getting you ahead financially which would be to pay off debt or have an

emergency fund you have those so check check and then anything with motors and wheels we don't want

the value of those to be more than half of your annual income but you're gonna be way under that

making 80 so yeah Dan I think the new identity is Dan and Amiana oh Dan and Amiana

is that a little two-seater convertible yes that's right yeah a little tiny car the noise it makes

is yeah yeah so we've got we've got work day Dan and then we go weekend day the thing you have to

factory brother the weekend car is you have to factor in you'll have two registrations to tanks of

gas to like you have to ensure this car too so it's not just a matter of seven thousand and I would

get a dollar amount on what is your monthly expenses interestingly enough I kept our

Corolla like my wife bought a Corolla that was a first card of college we had it for years and I

just kept it in the driveway as a third car for us and it was when I did the math on it was

costing me about 75 bucks a month just to sit there and that's when I sold it because between

like if I took the registration and the insurance for the year and all that and I divided it by 12

I got about 75 bucks a month and that was a long time ago so you may be up to 125 bucks a month

just in the privilege of keeping the your identity car parked in the driveway right so if that's

worth it to you cool but you can afford it yeah Dan what are you doing on April 7th do you know

April 7th yeah I don't think I have anything planned well maybe you can come to the Ramsey show

live Ken Coleman George Camel and I are going to be in Charlotte then so if you hold on the line

Christians gonna pick up running give you two tickets you can yeah coming out with us in the

Miata and if you come and you bring that Miata wave your hand in the audience because it's a

it's a smaller audience on these on these on these shows you're gonna have to get your of the

person who takes the other tickets gonna have to hold their breath in that tiny little car I know

we'll come out and get a picture with it so yeah hopefully Dan you can join us yeah and Charlotte

for the Ramsey show live coming up

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we just mentioned that we are heading to Charlotte for the Ramsey show live it is going on tour

the show is and we're also going to be in Denver Phoenix and Anaheim so if you have not come we

went to Chicago back in the fall and Orlando and did some live tapings so fun dude I know how

was it for you because we weren't at the same city we were in the reddest place it was like an old

punk rock club it when I walked to the door I just started smiling I was like this feels like

home for me but yeah do they it was awesome and we had a red death free scream we had one one who

came up and was like I'm getting laid off tomorrow what do I do is a real heavy emotional moment

everyone was open honest it was it was just a great time to see fans live and they got to ask

questions of us personally so it was a blast yeah so we take the questions that we take on this

show but it's going to be live in a room and it's in their smaller venues which is fun so we're

able to hang out with the audience some you know we I don't know it's just a really enjoyable

experience doing the show live with people but also them participating in it there was a couple

in we're in Chicago cute young couple and they had this like big debate because she spent so much

on Amazon and he but they're like debt free and all of us so there was like a big like audience

we're like back and forth and of course George and I kind of disagree because George is more on

his side of like saving and I'm like girl you go spend we have some we're tired and you can you

can we have somebody in Orlando that would answer before we did and they're like no it like I mean

they they didn't drink the Ramsey Kool-Aid they somehow got the Ramsey cocaine and we were

disagreeing with we're like hey we're we're up here it was it was awesome so good so fun so if

you want some tickets go to Ramsey solutions dot com slash events or click the link in the show

notes if you're listening on podcast or watching YouTube again Charlotte Denver Phoenix and

Anaheim we're heading to you and just a couple of weeks so we'll be we'll be on the road safe so fun

all right let's go to Rapid City and Mike is on the line hi Mike Rachel John it's so

awesome to be talking to you guys I feel like I am in such good hands right now I can't even tell

you John I have to say something you I thought I was the only person that still said rad

no way dude no way old people that's red like Mike Mike Mike I'm in I'm in

and Rachel I was watching your dad when you were like I was listening to your dad when you were like

15 years old and oh my gosh how far you have come and what you have done with your life and the

books it is just amazing to me and to be talking to you right now is such an honor thank you Mike

that is so nice I'm going to get to the point here but hold on hold on Mike hold on Mike I just got to say

he called up what amazing things you've done with your life and for me I got I say rad too good Mike

don't you kick me while I'm down brother let me buddy your bread John you have no I'm playing a

play a play a question you ask questions you show such insight that you're you're

things are supernatural my friend you're the nicest guy ever you're the nicest guy thank you my

just the encouragement we needed you guys to do like you they came honestly I love you guys thank you

you know when when Dave decides to quit work in which you know that'll never happen just this

organization is in great hands with you all and I'm really happy thank you homie so kind okay

how can we help Mike how can we help you help us so my my life and I've been married about 15

years and a couple years into the marriage I you know I found out that she had racked up like

$9,000 in secret debt behind my back and you know back in those days we were pretty broke I mean

we were making we had we had baby twin girls and we we were making under $40,000 a year and I

mean it almost broke our marriage early on and I buckled down and and about two two years or so

I got it paid off but ever since then we have had our finances separated and my goal from my

conversation with you guys today is is to is to join our finances again because it's the right

thing to do and and the goal the goal is is to really focus on our girls college savings fund

I've got all the steps done except for number five and number seven and and I really want to

focus on number five right now and and that's kind of like how I want to bring her in on this yeah

this she might can I really worried that she's not going to want to okay so why would she not want

to have you guys talked about this no I'm scared honestly I mean it's been it's been peace since then

right right yeah but it's been it was an arms agreement it's not it's not real peace right it's

like you'll have a treaty signed but y'all are still staring at each other from the opposite

sides of the table right you know what I'm saying yeah I mean I see that I mean I feel that I

feel some resentment because you know I feel like she's a spender and I'm the saver and well hold

that that's my big question is you have a lived experience where she we call it financial

infidelity she cheated on you with her money right behind your back yeah and that was 13 years

ago and so my question for you is is your fear that she's going to drain the accounts and do

stuff behind your back is that is that a real ongoing fear or is that it is because I mean when

she sees because she'll spend her her account down to nothing you know on a monthly basis and when

she sees you know thirty five forty thousand dollars in a checking account I'm afraid what she's

going to do with it okay I want that's the real issue the real issue is not the combining of

the checking accounts which we I wholeheartedly with all my being in doors the real issue is you

want to say for your daughter's college and you feel you have you have you have an obligation

in the middle of your chest to help your daughter's out and you watch your wife burn the thing down

and what you're trying to do is backdoor that conversation with let's just join our money

and the real conversation is you have a picture about what you want your daughter's life to be

when they walk out your door at eighteen and your wife has a different picture and you'll

got to align those who what do I say whether the magic words how do I approach this I mean I

I it's going to be very expensive the the the most effective path I've seen can I give it to you

real quick let's hear it here's what's going on here's the story that I am making up about what's

going on here's how I feel about that story here's what I would love to happen next

and when you very very very chill well it doesn't sound like that would start a fight no because

it because what most people do in your situation myself included right I have to really fight this

is to sit down and say you spend all your money and I'm trying to say for the kids college we have

to do a better job of filling the blank fill in the blank fill in the blank and when you start

conversations with you don't and you never and I'm doing all of this then what you do is you walk

up and you throw a grenade at somebody and they're either going to throw a grenade right back at

you or they're going to run they're going to fight her flee that's the only way you can protect

yourself when you come down and say hey I've made up a story about you and the story I've made up

and that's you owning what's going on inside your spirit I've made up a story about you that you

don't care about the kids going to college that you'd rather have a bunch of shiny toys or objects

whatever she's buying and that makes me feel alone in this mirrors and that makes me feel scared

to death for what our daughters are going to do I would love it if we could get on the same page

and create a plan together so that our daughters have their college taken care of or 50% whatever

y'all agree on you know John as I'm talking to you about this I'm realizing that it's really not

the money because I have the money I make I make 200 grand a year plus and I can I can float this

I can I can do it on my own but I you know my my place and my marriage with my wife right now is

better than it ever has been and I just feel like this is a missing link that it's just not right it

doesn't sit with me and I want I want us to be a unit and I want to trust her and I think all

of that Mike like what you just said say that to her say that to her because the truth is and

you're feeling this is when there's a part of your marriage that you're not engaged in and you

guys are living in two separate lives and you just sweep it under the rug because it's just

easier the actual intimacy is built when you have when you lift up the rug and you deal with the

stuff you've been sweeping under for 13 years you guys actually are going to have a better marriage

on the other end yeah I might get a little spicier in there in some of the conversations but push

through those because you guys have created good habits to this point and so just apply those

to these money conversations but everything you just said to us Mike say to her

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next is Victoria in Philadelphia hi Victoria welcome to the show

hi thank you so my question is I'm an 80s guest too and I wanted to know is it okay for me to spend

beyond the four walls of necessities to spend quality time or make memories with a family member

who is terminally ill oh gosh I'm so sorry um well I mean yeah I mean you know there's not a

right or wrong I would say in the moral code of life of how to do your money there's a plan at

which will get you out of debt faster and a plan that won't but you get to make the decision within

that plan of you know how intense you want to be um is there a I always I always say to ask this

who is the person what's going on so it's it's my mom GD is in her mid 70s and she has

dementia she's in about the middle stages so you know I can't definitively say that she won't be

able to go have lunch with me or go get her nails done in the air but I can say that the window

for us to be able to do that is getting smaller yeah and I do want to spend time with her and she

enjoys doing those things and she enjoys going shopping but I don't feel comfortable with her

paying for it either sure does she enjoy those things specifically or does she enjoy being with

her daughter she enjoys being with me she does so she's also lost her her driving um privileges a

couple of months ago and so I know getting out of the house and doing thing which typically involve

earning money are important to her and make her feel more like quote normal sure well and that's

what I was wondering is that there's a difference between we're gonna get a cup of coffee and we're

gonna spend a couple hours together like doing whatever I'm gonna send you a bunch of questions

for humans decks just as my gift to you like we're gonna just get to know each other again and we're

gonna talk or we're gonna tell old stories look at photo albums whatever are there things you can

do that are less expensive because I'm a hundred percent with you I would spend every moment I got

with my mom every moment that I could I get that but you can take her to do a bunch of really fancy

expensive things and or you can spend quality time with her and I guess what I'm trying to say is

you don't have to do either or no no time with mom I'm on this baby step two journey I'm trying

to get a debt and or I need to we got to go get your nails done buying a dress every week we got

to go out to fancy dinners we got to do expensive stuff is there ways y'all can spend amazing

quality and rich time together um that doesn't require spending a whole bunch of money and it just

takes some creativity on your part yeah and I do think we I try to find the balance now but

I am feeling sort of morally again I guess I shouldn't use morally but I'm feeling conflicted

between my wanting to dedicate myself wholeheartedly to baby step two but also wanting to do things with

my mom that I know she won't be able to do in the future is that can I ask you a real hard question

sure is that your pain or is that hers it's mine okay he's not really aware of all of the

ramifications okay so the reason I'm asking is if it's inside your chest I want you to spend some

time grieving it because it's less about I think what you're grieving and tell me if I'm wrong

what you're grieving is not that we only have three or four times we can go get her nails done

together it's that in 10 years I won't be able to do this with her anymore and four years I won't

be able to do this anymore right so the grief is the grief is less on the the thing and more on

oh this this relationship that I've had with this woman for seven for for your whole life

is coming to an end it's going to become a new relationship

yes probably is that okay what I want you to do is don't try to bury that in expenses and don't

try to bury that in shiny things I want you to experience that as the grief that it is that's

heartbreaking that's sad

right okay it could dry well and it here's the the magic is grief demands of witness you have to

have a couple of people that are not your mom that you can share how heartbreaking this is

you have to have a couple of friends that you can talk to about this I would love for you to

write your mom a letter and read it to her I have something I want to tell you you did a great job

you've been an amazing mom to me and I want I would rather instead of I don't I want to try to

cram as many nail sessions in and by the way those are important take your mom get her nails done

that's amazing I want there to be nothing left unsaid

you get what I mean there yeah there's a a power in that Victoria

I hear you yeah and can I just tell you on behalf of everybody that's struggling with parents with

dementia I hate it it's evil it's the worst I hate it with all my guts and I hate that you're going

through to this thank you yeah you're your mom won the lottery with you it's awesome to hear

somebody that cares about their mom yeah no but it's a good point John on and it's all that what

when we talk about our money there's always the root issue whether we're talking about a marriage

issue or whatever it may be but even a grief grief of the grief of losing a parent and what you're

walking through and the immediate knee jerk reaction it's because I get it as she was talking

I was like oh yeah I want these experiences with her and so that means we have to go do these

that you don't even mean the action towards it but getting to the root of the motivation of what's

even going on under that yeah actually I'm grieving is yeah I'm about to lose my mom yes and she's

still gonna be alive eight yes and that's painful so hard so hard all right let's go to Ethan

in Los Angeles hey Ethan welcome to the show hey how's it going doing great how can we help

hey um located a little bit far away from Los Angeles that's the close to city but um all good

yeah I um so my question is I bought a house um almost about two years ago and um you

know I know it needed some work to it and I uh I you know I'm looking to have kids this year but

there's so much work that needs to be done to it I might have to push that out to next year

or if I really prioritize this year I can get it done but I also want to start investing again

I had to take it out to buy this house I think I'm on baby step four sorry I got a savings and

all that but I'm just wondering you know what percentage of my monthly income should be towards

the house and what should be towards investing or should I focus on fixing the house so I could have

kids because why can't you why can't you have kids in the house here and now is there danger there's

yeah yeah there's a I mean when we got it there was a mold foundation cracks framing issues

and we fixed the framing issues and a lot of the mold but they're still mold up stairs or leaks

in the house um I'm trying to fix those I just finished the chimney which was like four different

things that took me like four months ago okay well what I would probably do Ethan is baby step four

is investing 15% of your income into retirement so I probably would jump start that I mean I would

I would get that going and then any money you have left over then you guys can cash flow some of

these renovations and remember two a baby takes nine months you know so maybe you guys start the

journey and you'll have you'll have a a runway if you will before the baby actually gets here too

so I always yeah I always hate people putting off things like getting married or having kids or

something when it comes to something financial and I know this is obviously the home and you want

it to be safe that they're gonna be living in so I totally totally understand that but I wouldn't

kick the can down the road so long like I would I would I would get on it so I would just do the

minimum of what you guys need and if you guys want to start a family then start a family and then

you guys will have a good probably you know that nine month runway during the pregnancy to continue

to do repairs and cash flow the the savings okay all right I understand all right well I

appreciate it yeah absolutely then and uh yeah good luck on the on the next journey but you

guys yeah when you can start investing as early as possible when you get to that baby step four I would

do that 15% I mean it's kind of a non-negotiable for me and then anything above that be saving for

things you want to do whether to replace a car vacation fix a house but that's beyond the 15%

going into retirement

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welcome back to the Ramsey show in the fair winds credit union studio I am Rachel Cruz

hosting the sour doctor John Deloney and we are answering your questions so give us a call

at 888-5-5-225 all right let's go to Sam and Hartford Connecticut hi Sam

hi how's it going hi we're doing great how are you

I'm all right um it's can't complain just another day out here um I guess I was uh

I was listening to you guys are showing I figured I'd call in today so

I'm glad you called in what's up brother

I know I guess so I gotta have um that's a little bit out of my price range that I bought

probably about four years ago now um and it's rental property and I have two of my apartments

that are vacant that need to be rehabbed um I completely gutted them down the studs so I guess

my question is um if I should apply for a HELOC I'm almost out of baby step two I have about

$8,000 in credit card debt left um but I'm starting to get to the point where I can't really afford

the home um is it a duplex is it what is it one building in two units or is it two separate uh

it's a three family home okay um I currently live in one of them and then I rent

though when I live in out during the summertime and then I move on to a boat that I have not

been able to sell for the last I don't know how many years four years now okay can I call something

out since you called us you seem to always be on to the next scheme

and like I'm gonna buy a boat and then I'm gonna buy a uh a three family home

I lived on a yeah I lived on a boat trying to buy in the house and then

no I got it I got it but like you always have a good idea a next good idea and it feels like

all these good ideas are starting to close in around you because you gutted a house that you can't

finish you have a house that you can't afford you got a boat you can't sell and now you want to

take out a leverage against the house that you can't afford yet and I guess at some point what

I want to tell you is like at some point you got to pay the piper and I would suggest trying to

deal in that reality and not trying to float this thing with yet another idea another thing off

of Instagram or something and get another loan and leverage the whole property against that loan by

the way and like what would make you think you could pay that he lock off

um I was kind of hoping to get them both both the other two remodeled um the rental property

down the summer probably brings in about eight grand a month a grand a month or just the one unit

on one unit yeah yeah well I where where the house is that is wonderful okay okay how long

high travel area and both other units are are gutted you said correct yeah yeah they were

and I've said the house is super old I bought it okay so how much money would it take to

to fix both of those up each one individually I could probably I do all the work myself

so I could probably do them for both under 50,000 I think so what if this summer you didn't get on

your boat and live there for a year and you spent the summer working your butt off getting these

things finished um yeah yeah well I then I need somewhere to live uh then I would lose the summer

but no I mean you rent out the one room or the one unit and you work on the other ones

no there goes for this three units in that one the other two are gutted

is the is the boat near you yeah it's about a mile from my own okay perfect go live on the boat

rent out the unit for eight grand a month use that to help cash flow these renovations and I

would just cash flow one at a time Sam so no we're not going to tell you to take out of your lock

now the other the other um option would be to look at everything in full with two vacant

gutted units yours and how much with the whole thing sell for and do you want to get out of this deal

there could be an exit here because I mean I don't know if you enjoy living next to renters

that you renting from you in these other units you don't even mean the whole the whole thing so

I just wonder if you if you could get out with some equity still even though they're still

gutted but have another investor coming and buy it and then you go buy something

small that you can afford and you have to worry about all the rental stuff

okay yeah that's kind of where I'm at because I have a lot of equity in it okay

what what how much yeah how much you owe on it I owe for 50 right now and how much would it go for

the three families that's probably about the same shape as my dollar the inside of it looks like

but me outside they're about the same I think they sold for 1.8 oh my gosh yeah but is that

completely redone with all new appliances and all new I I never checked install I've never looked

at the listing I don't know the old lady that once you passed away if it could redid it and then

sold it or if it was redone once you was alive I would get a realtor I never I would go to ramdisolutions

dot com and get a realtor in your area a real estate pro and I would get real numbers on what they

think they could flip it for yep and I would take any cash that I got head extra and count my lucky

stars and not do this again yeah because even if even if you had dropped the price 400,000 that's

1.4 million you know what I mean you got it's crazy since 66% of it is gutted down to the studs

imagine you're gonna get 30% of 1.8 million or 40% of 1.8 million right and so even then you win

you get out of this mess yeah I know I'm not negative in the house I'm just serious but

I guess what you're guys the thing yeah so so it would be it would be option a or b for me it's a

I'm gonna just slowly redo each unit because you'll love the life you're in you like having the

renters you like the income you'll whatever and you're gonna pay it off eventually because it's

I mean it's a great it's $450,000 right so you would just put in a baby step six and and you

and you keep it but you just do the renovation slowly with cash or option b is I'm just gonna

check that out of this whole thing and holy crap make a make a lot of money probably go buy something

with cash Sam you know what I mean for real go buy some of cash and then just enjoy your life

yeah that's kind of where I'm at if you don't have much for investing I just I'm more of the

like I said I'm in baby stuff too I'm I'm kind of 8000 left on credit card debt yeah that's right

and then I was gonna move on but for sure yeah that's why I wasn't sure if I should take on more

debt please don't yeah you've worked too hard to get here man you've worked too hard yeah yeah the

no the no debt piece is a is a non starter for us oh no no he locked so again it's either cash

filing these renovations or just cash an out because you bought it a good time and apparently

a great area if that's if that's true with the with a million dollars um yeah and that's always

hard you guys the the whole investment property side of life that people look for and or fall

into thinking that it's gonna be easy passive income continues to come back to to to show that it's

stressful you guys what and I've also noticed this um on my daughter Josephine she's 10 she's

all into home renovation shows she loves watching them and I noticed the other day the demo side

they always show everyone having fun they play the cool music and they got sledgehammers and they're

taking all the stuff out they don't spend a lot of time when the house is down to the studs

hmm because they show these pros come in and wired all up and then they show them at the fixture store

it's just like a boom it's a nightmare when you're looking at a house full of studs and you have to

level it and fix it it's not fun and that's when the Instagram like oh this is so fun so romantic

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up next is Chris and Louisville hi Chris welcome to the show hi how are you doing hi we're doing

great how can we help today yeah so I was just wondering I have some I have a little bit of debt

and I'm recently wanting to move closer to a girlfriend and I don't know how to kind of navigate

that okay how much debt do you have about 38,000 okay and how much do you make 20 200 a month

yikes what are you doing for work I work in a factory okay and that's why that's my net my take home okay

um and do you have a job where the girlfriend is I know but there are a lot of opportunities there

okay how long have you guys been dating a couple months how far how far is she from you

about two hours okay um and how much will all have you have you added up all the moving expenses

and the difference of the housing you're paying now for rent versus where you would live I mean have

you done all that math I've looked at it a little bit but I haven't done an in-depth analysis okay

so I mean for now my goal would be to get out of debt as quickly as possible so I don't know if

living where you're living working where you're working now gives you that opportunity or where she

is is there a better job that you can make more money and it's a plus plus on your side of the

financial spectrum I mean I would ask those questions but I don't know a move got switching jobs

everything for a couple months relationship yeah you feel here's the thing I back when I was

dating a quarter century ago I'm a guy who falls hard okay and I would get what I would call

love dumb or love blind or love stupid whatever you want to say and I only have a job because people

make really the feel really big firm plans with their relationships and they don't work out

and so when as you're talking what I'm going to is what happens when you go down there all these

quote-unquote great opportunities don't materialize y'all break up two months later and this 40

thousand dollars of debt has followed you plus whatever loan you think you're going to take out to

get the move even there get a deposit on your place get a apartment all that kind of stuff

and so I would I wouldn't move if you were my friend or my son or my brother I wouldn't tell

I would tell you don't move unless you have a job lined up that you start on this date yes

and you have a place to live that you already know you can afford and you've already done some of

the math on the back of a napkin not even napkin on spreadsheet that says here's how much taxes

are going to be here's what my take home pay is going to be and here's my plan to continue to get

out of debt as I'm going and I know that makes me a fun ruler because you're like dude I finally

met somebody I totally get that sentiment and feeling in fact I love that feeling but man it can

get you in a lot of trouble and turn it a thirty eight thousand dollar mess into a fifty thousand

dollar mess and a broken heart and in a strange town all at the same time and so I would be much

more concrete in what are my plans what am I going to do not just I'm in love I'm in love I'm in

love I'm in love yeah that makes sense yep absolutely so yeah if there's a job and you got

everything and you're like hey this is this is an upside for me plus I get to live close to

the girlfriend and yeah and that's great you can make you can move while you're in baby step two

if you cash flow it is just going to pause that process for a little bit but don't let the yeah

the love cloud some good judgment and actually have a plan in place and I like the idea of you

getting another job and making way more money than you're making hundred percent so look for a new

job in that community and go go line it up and regardless be working nights and weekends with

a side hustle and get the thirty eight thousand dollars paid off yes all right let's go to Cory and

Nashville hi Cory hello good afternoon hello thanks for calling how can we help

yes I was calling on regards to a collection that we have on our credit my wife and I

dealing with a landlord from three years ago I've been contacting this collection agency trying to

settle with them and they're I think I'm settling for too much but figures can't be choosers

we need to settle this get this off of our credit so that we can move and do another rental home

but the collection agency is not willing to then be an offer letter and I just why I feel very hesitant

yes yes don't send them a dime until you have something in writing why are they not why are they

not doing it they the reasoning was that if they send an offer letter they're saying that other people

have used that to get into other rentals and I just don't do that adding up you know I've never heard

that it might that doesn't mean it's not true but I've never heard that tell them that you can't

make a payment until you have something in writing yeah what are you what do you owe them yeah how

much do you owe so originally the debt was just just shy or just a little over 5,000 and now over

the course of three years with interest it bumped up to 57 they were willing to settle at four

and I kind of needed off of my credit so I'm moving okay Cory do you guys have the cash yeah

we do okay and you've already offered them for is that right yeah well I start off a lot lower

okay and they wouldn't budge yeah for a couple of months and I think that they know that we

I needed off my yeah but yeah but let me say you're in the driver's seat too y'all are both

yeah it's a game of chicken because they need to they have already made come to terms with they're

not gonna get this money back and so the fact that you're offering them four grand is a huge

all of branch for them too I would hang up and call somebody back and hang up and call somebody back

and say I've received a settlement offer for four grand I'm prepared to write the check by just

need an email I need something in writing that confirms this is the final offer and I will I

will get you paid and if they don't just don't set up a dime I say I can't just tell them I can't

send you a dime until I have confirmation in writing they lie Cory yeah they lie that's what

they did these collectors yeah they'll take your money and be like we didn't get a payment what are

you talking about we didn't say to set always said we said no you got to pay the full 5600 you know

well in fact it's it's doubled it's gone to 8000 because we sold it to like yeah you just can't

don't get here's a two rule of thumb have to get an offer in writing and never give them electronic

access to your checking account because they're gonna want to withdraw immediately and say no no

I will I will I'll get you paid another way okay and I think they're I think they're playing games

yeah I know yeah it's a game Cory and at this point it's been three years because who who owns

the debt right now which what what collections agency Genesis okay so look them up online and

you're gonna see this like made website I mean there there it's someone in a cubicle Cory who got

this debt put on their desk that they're having to collect and then in two months if it's not paid

there's a there's another collections agency that's gonna buy bad debt from this collect collections

agency and it just hops around like it's just it's it's a crummy crummy industry and the turnover

the person you're talking to is probably not even gonna be in that job in 60 days so like you're

not dealing with intelligent life over there okay so you to play hardball that's fine they don't

scare you they shouldn't scare you they should be scared because they need money so right so you've got

$4,000 to give up and you've got it so you're like I have it you have to submit and if they say no

but all right no deal hang up call again call again just like John said and it's such a pain in the

butt but it's the way to do it and but do yet you have to get it in writing Cory we've heard horror

stories of people not doing this and sending these types of companies money and then they change

the deal on yet and so please please let me pay you this money I have it please let you give me my

money oh I just needed it in writing yep that's it but no I would not send them a dime and then you

guys just need to have some patience because you're urgent to get it off your credit to go and buy

a home or to go to another parental property but don't let that urgency happen you know cause you

to make a big mistake be patient be thinking through this and get it in writing

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all right let's go to Colin in Orlando hi Colin welcome to the show

hey thanks for taking my call absolutely how can we help today so I'm 22 and a year and a half

ago I was given around 40 thousand dollars and a lump sum since then I've made some pretty bad

decisions when it came to changing card to card and outside of roommate dispute and now I'm only

left at about 11 thousand dollars invested up into stocks my main question is because now I have

a truck payment that's around $1,200 of a lot of dude 76 thousand dollars I'm upside down

$16,000 it's a 76 thousand dollar truck it yes ridiculous okay and I don't make enough money to

pay it and I'm being kicked out of my house so I'm up there be moving and paying rent at a new place

and I'm worried this truck payment is going to crush me I'll be able to afford my bills but only

being able to save like anywhere five to eight hundred dollars a month and I'm just wondering

what's the smartest way to fix this why are you being kicked out um you know I got out of the

military a little early after little mental health uh went through some traumatic events and it's

just been hard for my family and you know I was going to school and I moved out a few times and

I'm not in school anymore so it's just been a conflict with my parents so I'm having to relocate

from Florida to Texas oh wow gosh I'm sorry Colin how old are you 22 wow are you um

are are you interested in getting the help that you need

oh absolutely okay all right are we will you make it forget the money for a second forget the

truck for a second will you make that a top commitment when you get to Texas yes sir absolutely

and I that's the reason I reached out is because a lot of the car I flipped I believe it was

three different cars into the truck I'm in now in a span of a year due to mental health uh

effects and that's no excuse and I've gone on top of that through the VA and I'm on medication and

I'm just ready to fix this because I'm ready I can't do this okay can you metabolize and I'm

saying this with a smile on my face okay so if you were here you'd you'd hear what I'm saying you

see what I'm saying okay um are you able to metabolize a what I would call a forty thousand dollar

stupid tax yep okay so if would we draw that up again no would we run it back differently

yep but we can't do either of those things and so the reality is here we are um yeah I would sell

that stuff Rachel to me if I'm wrong I would sell that stock and I'd go take out a five thousand

dollar loan from a credit union I would sell that truck or maybe a seven thousand dollar

loan from a credit union I would take that stock put a eleven grand towards it get this truck sold

pay the difference and then buy a two thousand dollar 1988 Corolla with four hundred

thousand miles on it that's still driving and that would be my car for a season while I got

well and got my feedback under me yep that's exactly what I would do which would be about a seven

thousand dollar loan and a crappy car versus a nice truck that is worth seventy six thousand

dollars and I'm underwater because I've been rolling negative equity into other cars into this

thing so it's a much more peaceful place to be and then you just got to work your way out of that

seven grand and I would make an aggressive goal calling I would say hey every month I'm going to put

fifteen hundred bucks I'm going to put a thousand bucks and in five to seven months I'm going to be

completely debt free and getting some traction like that calling I think it's going to be really good

for you it sounds like there's been a lot of setbacks and you've made decisions with money that

weren't great right the forty thousand dollars it's gone the the truck the I mean all of it and

so to have some really good wins I think that's going to feel really good for you I think you need

a little bit of confidence you're young you're you've been through a lot already from eighteen to

twenty two and so I think to get you on a new path get those kind of wheels turning in the more

positive direction it's going to be big but these are some big things we're asking you to do I

mean you're selling a nice truck you're me driving a crappy car you got to go down to a credit

union you know talk to the talk to the the president there and just say hey here's the deal what can

I do I mean you have there's some work involved in doing it but I think your situation's going to

feel so much different in thirty to forty days here's what here's what I want your number one goal

to be okay I want to reestablish trust again with Colin Colin's a guy that does the next

right thing he takes his meds you when he feels good he takes him he yeah goes out for a run in

the morning he gets out of bed and goes to his first job then he comes home and he has a sandwich

that he makes he didn't go out to eat and then he goes to a second job and he went to the bank and

put on his nicest clothes that he pressed and he shook hands and he is going to get this thing paid

off and in forty days you're going to start feeling a little bit taller in six months when you're

done with all this debt you're going to be standing eight feet tall because you'll have you'll

begin to reestablish Colin is a man that I trust I trust myself and then I can begin to head out

into the world and do the great things that you're called to do yeah that's honestly probably

what I'm going to do thank you and I just needed to hear the reassurance because I thought about

doing it already but my family you know obviously have their own opinions and I've already switched

vehicle so much it's hard for them to look at me and take it serious to just go 100%

vehicle and buy a new one which is fair to them because the pattern that was yeah that was set

was different and the only thing you could talk all day long the only thing you can do is go make

a different decision next that's it great job Colin we're cheering you on man we believe in

your brother for sure all right let's go to Logan in Columbus Ohio hi Logan hi Rachel how you

doing we're doing great how can we help good I have a little bit of a relationship question

my wife and I are in baby step two we've got our thousand dollars saved up and we're working on

paying off seventy five thousand dollars of consumer debt my wife wants to help contribute

income-wise she's at home with her two little and she was thinking of things that she could do

while we're also being home with the little and she wants to start like a like an embroidery

type business like selling stuff on Etsy and stuff online yeah um but she needs a little bit of

money to kind of get everything started like some like the selling machine and stuff I don't really

know the details but what I do my opinion was let's focus on paying off the debt and then we could

start something new before we add something in all of this I just kind of started the yeah has

she ever done it before um no okay not really yeah I don't do this I'm probably more on your

on your side if she's done it before and she's really good at it and she has a track record or a

history of it and you're like hey we got to put a couple hundred bucks into a used machine but she

can make two to three grand a month and it's pretty guaranteed then I'd say all day all day do

that but if she's never done it before what scares me is you get into this and and I love her I love

gumption though the fact that she's like hey I can do something but she's gonna there's a good chance

you get into this because she's never done it before and she's you know you guys have two or three

kids and she's doing that she she does really well for the first month or two and then it starts

getting behind and then the motivation kind of goes away and the reality sets in because there's

not been a pattern established yet in her doing this type of business so yeah um the two close

friends of mine that are real successful in this moment it are stay at home moms who have their

own kids who keep a couple of other kids and they make great money doing that and it goes into the

rhythm of their life and it doesn't cost a lot of capital out there you don't have to go buy

because she's not gonna want to buy a used machine issue she's gonna go buy a real nice one

and all the equipment and all the threads and all the stuff yeah yeah yeah I mean it's only like

a thousand dollars is to get started but like I know in the grand scheme of things it's not that

when you owe seventy six thousand dollars it's a huge deal yeah and because she's never done it

before that's my thing if she's had a history of this and she already had an Etsy shop a few years

you know what I mean if she's done it then I'd be like that's one thing but starting something

just completely new that has that kind of investment right now the longevity is what I worry about

it because making the craft is one thing you have to photograph it just right you have to upload it

you have to ship it you have to like it's it's a lot more than just I can make

doylies or I can make bandanas or whatever she wants to do you know I'm saying yeah yeah so if

you guys could find something that's way cheaper and you guys come to like a couple hundred bucks

and she wants to try it you know I would probably be okay with that I just wouldn't buy anything new

and I would I would have it with a very open hand but I would I wouldn't spend probably I

mean I don't know how much the machines cost I'm just throwing out there but from the from the

math of it all I probably wouldn't spend more than five hundred bucks on something new

in a x-max yes yes during all of it so I don't know if that's helpful again but I still

appreciate her idea I was just fine something that that she could do to contribute it doesn't

caught that doesn't cost that much right that much of an initial investment

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spring season and mortgage rates dipped a little bit to 5.43% down from 6.16% that we saw last

February giving home buyers some breathing room but since rates are still unpredictable the best time

to buy is always when you are financially ready not what the market is doing not trying to chase

an interest rate but when you are financially ready that is when you need to buy a home so if you

want to learn more about the housing market trends and get some free tools to help you when you

are buying or selling your home with confidence go to ramsysolutions.com slash market or click the

link in the show notes if you're listening on podcast or youtube all right let's head to Karen

in st. Louis hi Karen welcome to the show hi I always apologize for my name oh Karen that is

it that's it I have an aunt Karen my name is Joe I have an aunt Karen my name is John after a

toilet you're fine that's a tough name to have these days Karen we do not judge we do not see you

a stereotypical Karen we at least it's not Rachel we are happy you called in how can we help

so I am a recently divorced 58 year old nurse working full time I make about 90 thousand

dollars a year okay I have just finished baby step two yeah congratulations and I'm now working

on my fully funded emergency fund okay I have about 230 thousand dollars in my retirement

and I'm currently a renter and my question is should a mortgage or a house even be in my consideration

for the future because it's my income is not going to really change in the next much in the next 10

years or should I just dump everything I can into my investments for retirement so I just I'll let

Rachel handle answer the the house question I just put your current numbers in the Ramsey

investment calculator okay I put your age at 58 and since you're a nurse no you might say no

but I put I put 70 okay that you would work till 70 and that you currently have 230 grand in

investments and I put that you would contribute a thousand bucks a month if you contribute a

thousand dollars a month yeah you would have one million thirty six thousand dollars when you turn

70 okay is that make you breathe little easier totally totally and the caveat in my

financial future is my parents who are in their mid 80s my inheritance will pay fully for a home

okay or it would should I it would go into your retirement yeah yeah yeah I'm just trying to figure

out what the best direction is to even consider a home or just retirement yes so I would consider

a home because that housing line item in your budget is going to be the most expensive and it will

continue to go up rent well and so having a home is going to be yeah it's going to be important but

your home care and it may just be like a condo right it doesn't I mean yeah I'm fine with that totally

fine yes okay how do you have you looked at all prices in your area and what that would be like a

one bedroom somewhere they run probably about 200 to 250 okay perfect so what I would do is I would

fund 15% into retirement regardless and that probably comes out to that thousand bucks a month is

so I would I would say consistent with that Karen and then I would make my only goal to be to

save up yeah for a down payment and get into something and then you do your next goal would be to

pay it off and then when your inheritance comes whenever that is that's just the bonus money on top

right to help pay off the house and fund retirement or maybe your parents live I don't know another 15

years and they're in their late 90s and you've you know maybe already taking a big chunk of the

house and then you get this inheritance and most of it goes into retirement at that point but

those would be my goals it'd be 15% into retirement and then I would say for a down payment and get

into something but as again as cheap as possible as inexpensive as possible because we want to

pay it off I want that goal would be to have that paid off that property when you go into retirement

at 70 which I would you easily can do people that do the baby steps millionaires plan they're paying

off their homes in seven this year's on average so I think you can I with the $90,000 salary if

you live really tightly I think that there is a yeah there's a good chance you can have this paid off

in seven eight years and I think that's very doable for you for a $200,000 more.

And Karen can we talk real can we get real dark for like 30 seconds?

Sure how much how much inheritance if you had a guess a number what do you think that number is

going to be 350 okay so if it was you were going to say very open conversations with my parents

no that's awesome so if you were going to tell me it actually confirms what I want to just caution

you about okay if you were going to say $3.5 million or $35 million not worried about it

but if they're saying I'm going to give you $350,000 do you have siblings too?

Well yeah but they'll get that amount also okay so let's say your parents are projecting to have

a million dollars when they pass away and they're going to give you $350 your brother $350 and

you're such a $350 right this is what I'm going to get dark for two seconds and I'm doing this for

a reason okay if one of them has a six month stay in ICU because they have a congestive heart

failure that goes into something that goes into something you can burn through some of that cash

in a wild way I agree and that's why I know it's not a guarantee okay so what yeah my caution is

create a life for yourself that if this money never comes through you're all good

right and it does amazing right right I didn't want to depend on it but it's a little caveat yes

and I just kind of wanted to throw it out there but I wanted to make the right decisions for my

finances not perfect not depending on that you are in rare air most people honestly before I

started working on the show would have been me too would have seen oh I can afford a $250,000

house plus I'm going to get this $350 I'm going to buy a $600,000 house and then it'll just get paid

off later and later might be hey your inheritance is a hundred grand because we had to spend it on

this and this and retirement care in a in a in a facility and whatever and so yes you are so wise so

wise okay that's good to know because I might my thinking was going just dump everything in a

retirement don't worry about a house but you've kind of yeah no I would I would have something long

term yet that you own and that no one can take from you it's paid off and there's no rent you're

having to chase as it continues to go up year after year so yeah owning something is big and you know

John did some of that math on the investment calculator but I think that that is a place that you

you've done such a great job Karen I mean you have $230,000 and what's wild is that doubles

every seven years when you actually look at the math so that would be 400 you know and yeah

after I did the math was after 14 years it's going to be like 932,000 if you don't touch it

and that's if you don't put another penny in it and that yeah that's if you yeah don't put

another penny in so they're you're so it's gonna yeah you're doing really great on that end so

I don't want you to feel this urgency of I mean we still want to contribute because we want

you to have a great retirement that you can go and live your dreams but it's not like you don't

have anything right now we get a lot of people that call up and they literally are starting yeah

they have nothing in their 58 years old so um so you're I want to just assure you you're doing a

great job on that end I would still fund it some after you get that three to six months of expenses

but right I would be yep I would be looking for something and if you can put 20% down Karen like

if you're able to to take your expenses and figure out a way to rent for a few more years and

have a 20% down payment like that's awesome or if you want to get into something yep or if you

want to get into something at five if you find a great deal and it's a good location everything

you want and it makes sense but yeah our parameters with buying a home is that you are debt free

you have that fully funded emergency fund at least a 5% down payment and then your mortgage payment

is no more than 25% of your take home pay on a 15 year fixed rate so that's kind of our Ramsey

formula for it and I think you're gonna be able to do that with 90,000 and the great thing about

nursing too is if there's a season maybe a year or so that you want to do some extra overtime like

not that house out yes you're able to really do that Karen so I know you I think you said newly

newly single or newly divorced so you're starting a new chapter in your life Karen

we're really proud of you thanks for the call

welcome back to the Ramsey show in the Fairwinds Credit Union Studio I'm Rachel Cruz

with Dr. John Deloney and we are taking your calls about life and money so give us a call at

triple eight eight two five five two two five all right let's go to Atlanta and we have a

Dan on the line hi Dan Rachel hey thanks for having me how are you absolutely we're doing great

how are you doing I'm doing well thanks for asking awesome how can we help today

so I am coming at you guys as a concerned brother slash son so I'm the oldest of three brothers

we're all in our 30s my specifically my youngest brother who just turned 30 he has never

financially been independent for my parents and so being the baby I might have something to do with

it but just ever since you've been in college and have graduated and it's now married my parents have

always financially provided for him even you know in the life marriage into his 30s etc.

about three years ago my dad sold his company that he worked really really hard to build

built it over about 25 years sold it made some good money and naturally since that happened

the asks for money or for financial help from my brother specifically my youngest have drastically

increased I have expressed my concerns to my parents that they are getting taken advantage of

they have heard those don't necessarily acknowledge those my dad is an incredibly generous person

and actually we'll call himself a Dave Ramsey disciple but he doesn't really I don't think see

the fact that he's getting taken advantage of for a little more context my wife and his brother

are pregnant and they are expecting this year and I just choose to believe that they wouldn't

necessarily be planning to expand their family unless they had a financial backer in the form of

my parents and so I just see it coming from a mile away and my parents don't necessarily see

that I actually have my parents understand that what's really happening wow here's a thing I don't

think you're mad at your brother because not necessarily no I know I would say mad how how

well the problem here is not your brother yet yes if he was on the call I would tell him to grow up

and be an adult it's your parents it's your parents dude and the the part that you have to like

like man I overused this word I think but you have to metabolize is you told your dad what you

think and he through his action said I don't care I'm a grown man this is my money and I get to do

what I want with it and it is true I mean they do get to do with their money as they please which

I completely respect I just why do you think they're getting taken advantage of they sound like

their sound mind they're smart people they're generous people why do you think they're getting ripped

off I just I don't I mean look the the help that he's providing is not like setting my parents

back or anything necessarily but I I think that he might struggle a little bit with the idea of

like well do I take you know my kids off the payroll or do I I know why are you why are you

inventing stories that might be in his head and then trying to judge him for those stories

I don't I don't want to say I'm judging I just so here's where I'm I am very protective of what

my parents I think you're annoyed Dan that you've worked hard you're supporting yourself so is

your brother your middle brother and then your younger brothers kind of mooching off your parents

and you're annoyed by it that's frustrates you it's annoying to you you don't like it right

that is fair that is okay and you're annoyed and you can't change your parents yes like it's

your parents decision they can't change your brothers and they're obviously smart people

they're choosing to do this and so that may hurt you that that that may be frustrating

godly that he gets this hand out and me and my wife aren't getting anything mom don't

dad aren't reaching out to us and you know it's not it doesn't feel fair whatever the feelings are

I think those are all your feelings but you're not going to be able to to change what they're doing

it's you know what I mean in a way it's none of your business I mean kind of when you find

yourself in a position where you can't change the outcome it's so frustrating then shoot yes

hey it's frustrating it's maddening yeah and we're both on your side here yeah for sure the

but to continue to dwell on it to create I think he's doing it because of this and I can't believe

he's probably it's a choice for you to be miserable in your own skin and so so what good I

literally and I don't say this lightly I would let it go because you've put you've made your

position known your little brother is not of character to that he wants to build up his own

home on his own he wants to keep asking for dad for money and your dad is of the opinion that he

can do whatever he want with his money include fund his youngest son's life and so I've made my

position known I'm going to choose to not let that misery poison my household me and my wife's

relationship our kids lives we're going to choose joy and happiness in our life which means I'm out

I'm out of y'all's fights and out of your money drama I'm out of all that stuff and I'm going to

make peace with the life I have chosen to create for me and my spouse because any other choice is

a choice to be miserable because you can't control any of the other stuff you want to control

so I don't think I'd say I'm miserable I think frustrated is definitely definitely the accurate word

and we're calling a show to talk about it that day in well so here's I get John to your point like

yes I have made my my thoughts known and I've expressed these to my parents and I've made the

decision like I'm not going to bring it up again right so I'm not I'm not necessarily like

pushing the envelope or trying to continually like rehash it but it is it is frustrating

so my dad was a guy who taught me to just work for everything that I have and to grind it out

into hustle and that's how I sort of like molded my life I know but you're you're setting yourself

up in a in a lifeguard tower looking down on your brother and your dad and you're asking why

aren't y'all up here with me and what I want to tell you is just climb off the lifeguard tower

and get on with your life right because even then you loop back to I've done these things my dad

taught me this stuff I built my life this way and my son had I mean my brother hasn't and it's

like you're right and all you're left with is your frustration but nothing's going to change

should you what I'm saying I do I do and I I don't disagree I mean there's nothing I can do to

so how can we help Dan what do you need from us well I still I just still go back to the fact that

my and look maybe there isn't an answer maybe I just have to let it you know let things take

their course but um my parents are essentially right now the giving tree and at some point yes

they're just they're gonna get picked and picked and picked and maybe they got to figure it out

yes they do yes they do but they're so your advice is to just let what that happened let it

happen you can't do anything different give me an alternative here's the big are you going to go

file a competency claim against your parents and take over like right so what do you get you can't

do I can I tell you after thousands of dollars of therapy through my life coming to the

realization that you can't change people and I used to really believe in my head if I say this

sentence in this conversation with this person this way they're gonna get it like the light bulb

is going to they're gonna see it if I oh I have a great way to present it and they're they're

gonna get it yes they don't get it you can just control you you can say it over and over and over

and over and over and over and over and they may not change so Christmas when y'all go out

to dinner you get a separate tab for you and your wife and say I'm not gonna take dad's money

that's that's what you can control nothing else at that time

when I talk to people in the rams he showed 90% of the problems I hear come down to one thing

not having a plan they're not living on a budget they have no idea where their money is going

money is just happening to them instead of them happening to their money and guys that is so normal

but it doesn't have to be normal for you and that's why I want you to go download our every dollar

budget app every dollar not only helps you tell your money where to go with a budget it also builds a

plan to free up extra money so you can pay debt off faster and start building wealth and the best part

your plan is completely personalized to your life it's the same advice that you would get if you

called the show and it's right in your pocket so don't keep living it normal go download the

every dollar app answer a few questions and get your plan today

our question of the day is brought to you by why refi if private student loans default has

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r-e-f-y.com slash Ramsey may not be available in all states our today's question comes from Rachel

in Louisiana hey Rachel this is probably gonna be a doozy my husband and I are on baby step three

we currently have $15,000 saved in our monthly expenses average around six grand our monthly

take home pay is ten thousand I recently got a promotion that will come with new responsibilities

and workloads to balance I would like to hire a house cleaner to free up more time for us as a

family my husband feels like it will cost too much and that will neglect our parental responsibilities

what at what point in the baby steps can we reasonably afford to hire a house cleaner

oh man I got all kinds of feelings about this neglect our parental that's funny responsibility

yeah I think what it sounds like to me Rachel from Louisiana is that your husband is volunteering to

take on the new cleaning house cleaning because he believes it's too expensive fair so but you've

taken on this new job with new responsibilities and workloads and since he doesn't want to hire

some support and help then he sounds like he's uh bond here to do it that's awesome what a great

husband what a great husband so selfless so so so nice so nice of him what Rachel what was your

math answer I mean not even math what you know well I was gonna say I mean a three-month

emergency funds basically would be 18,000 they have 15,000 dollars saved I would get to 18,000

then hire a house cleaner once a month every other week I don't know so find someone come in and yeah

and we put that part of your budget make that part of your lifestyle and if it doesn't work if you

really can't afford it because that's gonna take away from other things then that's definitely a

opportunity cost conversation you guys have to have like okay right now we just can't do that

that's fine if it doesn't work but if you can make the math work and it gives you some sanity I'm

all about delegating things that you can delegate yeah when especially when your past babies have

three and I have to say I was against that like the thought of hiring somebody to mow my lawn

went I didn't realize how deep that was yes that's how when somebody was like a core you are no longer

a man right and who is my son gonna think I am right yes and uh I was I was wrong on that

and so I chose other responsibilities it take me out of my house and so I've I've I've I actually see

this opposite it I was hiding with them on the mower from from from what this guy is saying parental

responsibilities I would mow for hours and hours and hours and I was avoiding being with my kids

in prison with my wife and so I made a choice I'm gonna outsource this so that I can do this stuff

right that's right yeah and we happen to be in a season where we can afford to do that right yeah

I love it man um you know Arthur Brooks talks about that there's five things you can do with money

and four will bring happiness one will not the one that will not spoil or it's just buy stuff that

doesn't just buy it doesn't make you long-term yeah give you long-term joy giving does saving says

buying experiences with people you love and the other thing was using money to buy back your time

my back time and actually using your time not like scrolling Instagram but actually using it

in a meaningful way so that's actually a way to find a level of joy with your money is to buy back time

and I want to call this out Rachel you and I have taught this from stage for years now at our

money and marriage retreat if one of you in your marriage feel like both workers and at both

working outside the home and one of you gets a promotion and it's a new responsibilities new

workloads I want to challenge you both to consider that you now have a new marriage because your old

marriage was built on this routine this dollar amount this time this space and now things are

different and what I often see happen here is he wants the things to just quote unquote get back

to the way they were and they're not going to because she has a new job new responsibilities and yet

the kids still need food and the house still needs to be clean etc and so let's go treat this

for what it is is the marriage we had doesn't exist anymore now we've got a new one with new

dynamics new jobs new responsibilities and let's re co create this thing let's reimagine who's

doing what what needs to get done how do we want this house to feel when we get home every day

and let's build that from the floor up that can be a fun like really adventurous exciting joy

field time and intimate time together how do we want this place to feel not well we used to

it's going to be you used to you never anymore man that's a way to just burn the whole thing

down all it ash create a new a new marriage I love it all right let's go to Lindsay and

San Diego hey Lindsay welcome to the show hi thanks guys so I've always been the most

frugal person my whole life and always invested and even no matter how much I have I just feel

hard for me like every penny I'm still like looking at when I'm spending it even though I don't

have to but basically I have so much and I only spend it on like vacations travel and um so I was

wondering like if I want to go on a trip like with girlfriends I should I I think keep I can cover

them or um but then everyone's like nobody knows I have much money so I don't use it or anything

how much is how much how much is this um over 14 million 14 million yeah didn't see that come in

well done Lindsay yeah you want me and John to come on you can anywhere with you with you Lindsay

what do you do for a job what how did you how did you accumulate that much I've always invested

in everything and I thought the next funds like yeah what do you do for a living what was your

income I mean that I'm sorry what will you do for a living no matter what it is but um now I just

trade options with my money so it make a lot I big too much but and um for my whole life like

ever since I was 20 so it's been yes okay how old are you of investing 54 okay are you married

not anymore yeah okay yeah yeah yeah kids they're adults yeah okay okay so your question is you

want to go on a girl's trip and pay for your friends so they don't usually like have money you

know they don't they probably have money problems nobody you know so I don't know if it's awkward

and weird and if they kind of don't want that and if it makes things you know yeah yeah totally

totally absolutely um if you're need your reaction knowing your friends well how do you think they

would react if you're like hey I have a bucket list trip I want to take and I want my people with

me and I kind of just want to treat everyone would that make it weird for your friends you know

your friends well enough is that is that awkward for them would they be offended would they be

excited how do you think they would respond um I don't know one might you know one might be like

oh that's okay you know they just might feel awkward but I think you've done well I'm sure they

would like it but it's just weird because like I mean they have no idea you know yeah and they

don't have to know they don't have to know all that here's here's the here's the path here's

the thing I want you to think through would you rather when you're 75 sitting on a rocking chair

in front of your house would you rather have had a bunch of memories with your friends going to

do some wild and crazy stuff or would you like to have an account on your computer that has big

numbers in it I would I mean that's what I'm saying if I yeah that's why I do would want to but

I'm just awkward here's here's here's how I get past awkward with my friends my life is changed

here's how I get past it with mine you can take this or leave it okay I will tell my friends hey

I want to go do this thing and I had a crazy month last month I got you and that's it yeah

Lindsey so I saw this on Instagram Sarah Blakely this sort of yeah Sarah Blakely who is the founder

of spanks okay bill I think she's a bill I think she's a billion I think she sold it for over a

billion like so she's she's doing great uh her every birthday every birthday she I'm sure she

has a jet or or rinse one I don't know but she takes 12 of her best friends most of them

are childhood friends every year and she doesn't tell them where they're going she's just like

pack warm clothes pack for cold bring it past where don't bring it past where she's give

them some clues and they all board this jet and she just takes them somewhere every year yeah I was

like oh my gosh Lindsey I think you should do that yes go have fun and go as many adventures as you can

I'm kidding like oh my gosh go enjoy life Lindsey go enjoy life yes

all right let's cut to the chase it's easy to get discouraged about crazy house prices and

interest rates but when you have the right real estate agent to help you buy and sell the right way

you'll have confidence to make smart decisions Ramsey trusted agents aren't just experts who guide

you through buying or selling they're people you can trust to have your back from the first call

to closing day find a Ramsey trusted agent near you at ramsey solutions dot com slash agent that's

ramsey solutions dot com slash agent

one of the best things that you can do for your finances is to have a really good tax

pro in your corner that you can trust because they're going to help advise you on the best moves to

make in your situation or for your small business especially if you have had big life changes

this year so go to ramsey solutions dot com slash tax pro to find CPAs and enrolled agents that are

vetted by the Ramsey team all right let's head to Porter in Midland Texas high Porter welcome to

the show what's going on how are you all hey we're doing great talk we help so I just at the

beginning of the year I got to raise not for a huge amount but just enough to make a difference

and I recently this week just got a email saying that the raise amount was

incorrectly like inputted into our like payroll program and so there's actually there was an

error and it's not supposed to be as high as it currently is and so they're asking me to

just sign the document saying hey I approve that decrease and moving forward this is what the

rate will be yeah you get to pay it back I do not okay this exact thing happened to me and I

actually had to pay it back it was on it was on a commission I had to pay back and I was

the same most companies I hated it but it was what it was back pay him yeah yeah okay and that's

kind of where most in my I guess question was stemming towards because this is the first time

this has happened to me so I didn't know on the email that like it was our payable person to hire

up and then a boss from another branch and my my boss was not included in the email and let it

know I would go right to talk to your supervisor I have not and that's kind of where I was like

it was such a minor amount I didn't know if it was worth splitting hairs over or if I should just

kind of accept it for what it is yeah how much is it compared to your like what are we talking

it's just the 50 cents an hour less so it's not like it's not what it ends up but okay yeah I

probably yeah yeah it stinks and I I always would run this stuff by my supervisor just to make

sure there's not endarounds happening you don't know what meetings they have all been in that you

weren't a part of and yeah over communications yeah keep my keep my supervisor in the loop but

this I don't know this happened to me and it was a good faith whoopsie right it was a good faith

didn't mean for this to happen and it cost me money every check for so it checks to for me to

catch up and it stinks and it was what it was and then I I asked for some confirmation this one

happened again I got it and we're same team so it's all good yes sir that makes sense

cool yep awesome thanks for the car supporter let's go to Alyssa in Toronto hi Alyssa welcome to

the show hi guys thanks um so I'm about to get about 280 thousand Canadian 200 thousand US

in inheritance because my mom passed away unexpectedly and sorry Alyssa thank you um and I'm

just trying to figure out like what to do first yeah so okay um what's your financial situation do

you have do you have consumer debt I do so we have about 90,000 in vehicle debt about 45,000

in taxes from one my husband worked for himself 45,000 dollars in back taxes yeah okay um and then

about 15,000 dollars in credit card debt okay well the caveat yeah this is we're about to move to

Florida from here at the end of August okay okay um can I say what I would I would what's up with

the well yeah I was gonna ask the cars I yeah show that what's up with the cars I would have

like obviously the first thing you do before you even take a breath as you pay the taxes off

and get settled up with the government right and that brings you down to 165 and

I this is me okay take this for what it is this isn't like Ramsey gospel this is just John

I would have a hard time taking inheritance money from my mom who'd passed away

and putting that on depreciating assets like a car that's just me I would want to sell 90,000

dollars worth of vehicles and be it a good like if I if my I would imagine my mom sitting across

the table for me and saying hey how can I best be a steward of this money I can imagine my mom

saying what like to you by house or I want to make sure the kids have college or like not

get the fanciest car you can buy that will be worth 25% less this time next year does that make sense

and that's just me but that's how I would think about it I would sell those cars and put some money

away so you can cash fill your trip to Florida or you're moved to Florida yeah yeah because I

think that the short answer Alyssa is to get out of debt use this to get out of debt that's a

beautiful thing for your mom's legacy but to John's point what what you're paying off kind of sucks

90,000 dollars of cars that you can't afford and Alyssa you guys aren't great with money can I

just say that out loud so I know that 100% so here's okay so here's my clean slate I know but here's

my fear here's my fear Alyssa is that this money goes and wipes out this debt and nothing has

changed in y'all and then you'll take a loan out from a habit perspective a behavior perspective

nothing has changed you have felt zero sacrifice you have had to do zero hard work in this you felt

nothing it's kind of just a boom boom done and and my fear is that this money is gonna pay off

the debt and you guys are gonna get right back to where you are so I like John's plan not only

because it's cars and I hate car that so much things so stupid not only that but I think you guys

need to have a sacrificial decision within this blessing somewhere so you can feel something

emotionally that's gonna help stir and push on the good habits that you guys need to create

so I'm cute we have a little bit of time so I am curious about these cars 90,000 dollars worth of

the cars what what and there are two cars I'm assuming what do you owe on each so mine is a

21 Wrangler and we owe about 42,000 okay and then my husband is a 22 gladiator so also a Jeep

and we owe about 50 on that one okay how much you guys make a year anywhere from 150 to 300,000

you've got a base plus commission oh my gosh y'all have too much car Alyssa too much car

way too much for what you guys make so you guys can definitely upside down on my car oh both of

you are because they're both G products yeah y'all are way upside down so yeah I mean I I would

look to see hey what what could we sell them for and or maybe pick one and do the other but you

guys you you owe you own too much car for what you make okay because it's gonna it's adding up

to close to a hundred grand than cars and you guys are at 150 so we always say it should be

no more than half of your annual income so you're looking at 75 and you guys are over that so

something yeah something's got to change with the car situation do you agree or are you like

I don't think we're gonna do that honestly like the Jeepers are at this point part of like our

personality and like 90% of our friends that actually live in the US are we've met them from the

Jeep like going off-roading and like my Jeep is set up to do you tell me you're

did you tell me they're part of your personality good god almighty I get a listen listen I've got

friends who love jeeps and they go do all the stuff but to say it's like it's become part of our

core I just sell it and go get a $10,000 Jeep Wrangler yes make that your personality

or get it get a Jeep tattoo make that your personality did you really sell it I don't know if we

can help I don't know if we can help Melissa I don't know if we can help I think we'd be friends

but I don't know if I can help across the US so I get it I feel it listen we're both friends with

with George Campbell his Tesla is part of his identity and that's the problem that's the problem

right yeah Alyssa I just want I want this money that you received after I've just something

horrific I know we're joking about it but for real to be to be to be something of a good

of a good legacy and you guys are you make bad decisions with money and bad decisions with

identity so like I don't know what I don't know what to do I I would I would sell but if I woke

up in your shoes Alyssa I would use 200,000 I'd pay taxes I pay the credit card debt I would sell

the cars I would re up what's going inside of me and my consumption of life and cars and I would

change my personality no and I would cashflow the move to Florida but if you I don't think

you're going to but you know what we could we could still be friends if I see you in Florida

I'd still give you a high five you know in the gladiator and give you a little rubber duck don't

think like trade

hey guys Dave Ramsey here every day on the show we help people work through real money problems

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our scripture of the day comes from Romans 12 to do not be conformed to this world but be transformed

by by the renewing of your mind that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect

will of God. Rob siltian I think is how you say it said people who are crazy enough to think they

can change the world are the ones who do all right let's go to K in Dallas, Texas hi K welcome

to the show. Hi thank you Rachel Dr. John I have a question I have a senior in high school he is

received an offer to play college sport and as his parents think it's a good deal it would be

kind of staying local in our area but in his mind he thinks that you know going off and playing

like for a club sport with the same sport would be better however that would encourage student

loan debt and we've been pretty frank with him like if you take this offer then we could get

what you owe pretty much down to a manageable amount without student loan but you know your

other route you're going to have to work and do your laundry and all this other stuff so just

wondering if I'm missing anything and I you know what else is there to help him navigate this choice.

The two quite it sounds like you're asking two different questions and so I think the first question

would be you and your husband taking your son out what what's the sport look all okay and saying

it's been our joy one of our life's big joys traveling around with you and watching you play

the cross over the years and if you're done playing lacrosse competitively let us know that

because I've met with countless college students who felt like they their parents looked at all the

years of travel sports and lessons as an investment in college and they were playing college

sports which is a full time committed job it's a life right and they were doing it to keep mom

and dad happy and it always cratered yeah and so if you take a mountain say if you're done we will

support you and love you but but if you are going to play here's an opportunity for you to do this

and college is expensive and then the second thing so that's the first one is why doesn't my son

want to play sports at this level for the college etc have that conversation but lead it with

we're ready to put a period at the end of the sentence if you are and the second question is

has to come with you and your husband making some really firm decisions on what you will and won't

pay for and then you lead lead with that yeah I don't I I feel uncomfortable okay supporting the

idea of making him go to college because he has a full ride on a sport that he doesn't want to play

I was just talking to someone and that all they said a ton of research has come out now with college

athletes the amount of depression oh yeah I mean it's it doesn't look good and I'm not saying

every college athlete is one of these statistics but when you look at the majority it's it's kind of

it's not great for college athlete honestly and especially if he's not wanting it so my red flag

kind of went up when he's like mom dad I don't want to do this full time I mean a club sports grade

or like you know like intermurals or whatever it's some other college like that sounds more fun to

me I get that now let's figure out how we can make that work financially so that means you're

probably going to stay in state you're going to take in state tuition there's a good chance you're

going to have to work maybe get some other scholarships like we're going to have to figure out a way

to cash flow another situation because it's not this I it's not as black and white as you have to

go to the school close to us and get a full ride or you're going to take out all this debt no people

go through college all the time yeah so many ways that he can go to school still debt free K so

okay I've never said this publicly I'm about to say this for the first time oh my gosh what

what an honor I had a I well I just want to take your picture I had a hundred percent full ride

that I walked away from in August to go to another school for a very small partial scholarship

and that happened to be the place where I met my wife met all my lifelong friends got connected

mentors and friends and that's the reason I'm sitting here right now

wow and so I want to tell you his life isn't over I had a hundred percent everything

and I walked away at the very last minute because I wanted to go and do something else and

quite honestly to Rachel's point I was completely cooked on the idea of this being the next

for it's already been four years of my life it's going to be the next four years of my life and

I just my heart wasn't in it right and so I think having that big conversation here's

another piece do you do you and your husband secretly want him to go to school kind of by y'all

because you like being around him well I just think that the coaches are like great mentors they are

I pretend he's not playing sports let's say sports are off the table do you kind of want him to

go I will I'm stunning myself that as my son is heading into the college years I kind of hope he

picks a school next to us because I like I mean I do like him but most days I like it you know

we're kind of ready you know picking up socks and you know sure sure seeing him come in and out

behind by but you know I mean I I'm okay with that idea of him going off okay so so be honest

about those conversations but framing this as putting all of the weight on it to this 18 year old kid

that's when 18 year olds make bad decisions and they can walk into a room and so I'm going to

hand him 120 grand and say make a choices and so you and your husband saying as for our household

our money will only go here here's the dollar amount we can contribute per month which means

this is what the tuition needs to be and if you choose to go to this school out of state we will

love you and we can't wait for you to come home but our money won't go there and then he gets to

make grown up choices for as that they unbelievably allow 18 year olds to make I know right the logical

side is just hard do you all have a debt journey sir do you all have a debt journey where y'all

paid off some money yes we're y'all burdened by student loans too yes I mean I've paid mine off

but unfortunately my husband still has them okay can I can I tell you that leading with that

level of vulnerability these things are still hanging around our family yes and maybe it's the

reason we haven't gone on big vacations it's the reason there's been tension in our house there's

a reason your mom and I or your dad and I have fought over the years because these stupid things

are still here please we're asking you don't go do this yes right so it's leading with vulnerability

instead of preaching at them oh yes and it's probably a lot of both but sure we have kind of

backed off the past few weeks just to let him you know navigate his own choices but I just want to

make sure we weren't I mean you're drawing away an opportunity yeah yeah I get that and if he comes

back and says I want to commit the next four years of my life to lacrosse amazing awesome and I

promise you if somebody's offering him a full ride they will not be the only ones

right guaranteed okay I'm sorry and so let's find out let's find a place that's going to fit

form if he doesn't happen to want to go to that school right next to you and we can figure all that out

but like we want it to be their choice but that choice has to be made inside of boundary of

boundary framework because this open season for 18 year olds just to decide where they want to

move across the country and quote unquote live their life but that's so much pressure on 18 year old

and some states are even with even community college you can go for free so there's just and I

don't know what Texas what they're doing but um but he yeah but so yeah so he can I think he's

going to have a lot of options okay and I don't want you guys to box yourselves in to either he

has to get the full right here or he's going to take on debt that's not true there's options

ABCDEFG I mean all the way down that he can go to a great school and yeah be able to

whether he starts off in community college for a year or two and then moves schools to something

else whatever it looks like but yeah the man that is a that is a tale that is happening all over

America right now is these kids that get into deep travel sports early dedicate their whole

half of elementary middle high school to something and then they get and they are burned out

and they're like I don't want to do it and then they feel the pressure because I've heard

them say well mama dad is like mama dad I put 40 grand towards this thing yes yes and we did

this for the call you know what you mean and it gets there and so trapping them there and that's

just that is so hard and I get the obviously the financial advantage of having a full right totally

but also um yeah just just their ability to and to not just enjoy life for the heck of a

day team but to have actually a healthy life throughout college not using the hate every day

that's a gift too so thanks k for the call I appreciate it great show john always fun thanks to

all those in the booth for making the show happen and remember there's ultimately only one way

to financial peace and that's to walk daily with the Prince of Peace Christ Jesus