SOLO | Make Money by Asking Yourself Better Questions, part 2

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What's up everybody?

Welcome back to the show.

It's just me, you and the mic for this episode and we are continuing along the questions

to live a better life.

I put together this document a little while ago, 25 questions that allow you to live a

better life because I believe at the quality of the questions that you ask can determine

the quality of the life that you can live.

We went through the first four of them on the previous episode and go check that out.

When was the last time I risked embarrassment?

When was the last time I got something I wanted?

It happened now what?

And no bullshit.

What would it take?

I was on the last episode.

We're going to pick up right where we left off on this list of 25 and the next one is

when was the last time I changed my mind about a belief?

When was the last time I changed my mind about a belief?

This is also a question that I really enjoy asking other people.

It makes for some good dinner party banter or a good podcast line of questioning.

When the last time I changed my mind about a belief.

If the answer is never, I think that's a problem.

If you have never changed your mind about a core belief, something that you previously

held dear that you have now changed your mind on, I think it signals a lack of rethinking.

There's an amazing book on this written by one of my favorite authors, Adam Grant, and

it's called Think Again.

I highly recommend anybody picking up a copy of that book because it shows you the opportunity

cost, the things that you're missing out on by not being willing to engage in some of

those beliefs that you've held dear for a long period of time.

And the sort of litmus test for me to tell whether or not you should start questioning

or at least being willing to question some of your beliefs is if all of the core beliefs

that you hold dear, the core values that you have, if those were passed down to you and

you cannot articulate why you believe those things, then odds are they're not your belief.

They are a belief that somebody else had that you borrowed from them.

And it eliminates the joy, the process of discovering your own beliefs.

And I've had multiple scenarios with this where I've questioned a belief and I sort of

not necessarily abandoned it, but held it in this position of like I'm not sure about

this one.

And then I lived enough life to where I came back to the same belief that I originally

had.

And now that belief is so much more concrete than it used to be because I have real life

experience and I know that internally is like, man, I don't know if I believe this and

I do some research and I read this book and I hear this other person and I experience

something that happens in my life.

And then it's like, man, that is a belief that I still hold dear and it is something that

I actually cling to.

But now it feels so much more solidified.

I can actually back out of that belief and provide some reasoning for anybody that would

ask or inquire about that, whether it's me or somebody else.

So it can solidify the beliefs that you currently hold.

But then it can also introduce you to new beliefs that you potentially might have looked

at as something that was crazy or something like that.

I also think that it's really important to do this if you feel that you have beliefs

that you want other people to adopt.

I think it's sort of the height of hypocrisy to expect everybody else, everybody else around

you to throw all the things that they've believed their entire lives to the side, to believe

the thing that you believe because you think that it's the right thing when you are never,

ever willing to take off your own lenses through which you see the world and decide whether

or not you might believe something that they believe.

So when was the last time I changed my mind about a belief?

Next one, this sucks, but what's the alternative?

I asked this question a lot.

If you listen to the podcast, you might have heard me say this.

A bunch of times is like, yeah, but what's the alternative?

So at any time that I'm going through, it's a worthy question because sometimes there

is an alternative.

Imagine that.

Sometimes you might be forcing yourself to do something and you never take the time to

set back and go, is there an alternative?

And you might be stepping over $100 bills to pick up pennies and you might actually realize

there is an alternative that's actually a strong alternative and maybe I should do that

instead of this.

But oftentimes what you're going to find is that the alternative is so terrible that the

suck is worth waiting through.

The embracing the suck of the thing that you're attacking right now is probably the better

path compared to the alternative of not having tried this thing or compared to the alternative

of not building this skill.

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You're wanting to have a kid, but you can't because financial constraints.

So you are looking at maybe jumping into a coaching program or doing some sort of additional

certification or something like that, but it's going to require some financial investment.

And it's going to require a lot of time to learn and hone this new skill set.

That sucks.

It sucks.

Process of learning that new thing might be fun at the beginning, but eventually it's going

to suck. There's going to be a period of time where you move, you get, you move past the novelty

of the situation and you get into the shitty part of it. And, and then, and in that time,

yes, it is going to suck. But what's the alternative?

Because chances are the alternative sucks worse than the, than the waiting period that you're

in right now. Like, does it suck worse to invest 10 grand into a coaching program and learn a new

skill set that could potentially allow you to make 200 grand a year instead of 50 grand a year?

Or does it suck worse to just admit that you're always and forever going to be a $50,000

year earner and that, you know, you can't have two kids. You can only have one kid because you can

financially support a family of four. You can only support financially a family of three. And you're

like derailing your life because of your limitations and your ability to earn income. Like,

which one of those sucks worse? Yeah, the latter, obviously. So this sucks. But what's the alternative?

Is a really great, a really great question to ask yourself. Next, what is the worst case scenario

and is it really that bad? Man, it feels like, it feels like life kind of speaks to you in phases.

And this is how one thing that maybe because I know I'm taking a big risk soon and for those who

have been listening to the show, you're like, what is this big risk? What are you going to tell us

about this? I'll tell you about it soon. I promise. But there's this big risk that I was looking

at taking. And this was the exercise that I went through. And it's funny because I've listened

a few podcast episodes in the last couple of days where it seems like everything that I'm hearing

is more preaching about this exact concept, which means that I'm probably on the right path and

doing the right thing. Because the worst case scenario is just usually never as bad as you think

that it is. And I forget exactly who it was that said this. Jeff Bezos, I think might have said

this. Yeah, I think it was Jeff Bezos that said, human beings tend to underestimate

tend to underestimate the upside and overestimate the downside, meaning that when you're looking at

a specific opportunity and you're trying to weigh whether or not you should do this thing or not

do this thing, if you look at the best case scenario, you're undervaluing how awesome the best case

scenario is going to be. And then you're overvaluing what the worst case scenario is going to be.

And then it prevents you from being able to take action to get yourself into the best case scenario.

And so that's why I say, is it really that bad? Allow yourself to go there. For a long time,

I think I avoided the worst case scenario because I was like, I don't even want to enter my mental

space. I don't even want to think about it, you know, from that perspective at all. And that is

not very valuable either because then you're just making decisions out of like wild optimism and

you don't have any sort of plans for how to tackle potential problems that might come your way

along the journey to achieving the thing that you want to achieve. So allowing yourself to really

get into the weeds of really what is the worst case scenario here? And if the answer is anything

other than death, it's probably not that bad of a scenario. You know, and obviously this is going

to vary widely for a lot of people that are listening. And because most of us are very blessed

in this life, we are very, very blessed, meaning that the worst case scenario of this big financial

risk that you're looking at taking is like, okay, worst, worst, worst case. I lose the house.

I have to move back in with my parents with my kids, you know, and or I have to sleep on my friend's

couch for a few weeks or something like that. And it's like, does that suck? Like it's not, yeah,

it's not going to be a fun thing to fail to that degree or to that extent. But you're still alive.

You still have the opportunity to go create more. You still have the opportunity to go make that

money back. You still have time on this planet. You still have people you care about, people who

love you. You still have, there's so many other things that you have to be grateful for. And your

internal state is not going to change that much in regards to what your external state provides for

you, meaning that your level of happiness is not going to increase or decrease and direct

proportion to the situation that you have in life. The law of familiarity means that even if you

hit the best case scenario and you're living large and you're in this, you know, blissful state of

this future version of you that you think is the ultimate achievement in life. And that's when I'll

finally be happy probably is not going to get you into that final state of being ultimately happy

because the more familiar that you get with this new version of life, the more you start to take it

for granted. And then on the opposite side, your internal state is probably not going to be that

much worse when you're put into this sort of like a rock bottom scenario. And so the worst case

scenario is almost never as bad as it seems. So allow yourself to go there, allow yourself to

picture what that might look like and it might give you a little bit more freedom to attack the

things that you're looking to attack or at least take some bigger risks that maybe you were

preventing yourself from taking in the past. So what is the worst case scenario? And is it really

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I'm spiteful about like sort of these more like quote unquote negative type of emotions that come

into play when when you know, let's say you're your significant other does something and you

start feeling yourself getting like boiling up inside. You get angry and you get irritated.

In the middle of that, the last thing that you want to do is try to understand why you're feeling

that way. But it's also the most powerful thing that you can do because or like if you're in a

sad state or you're in an anxious state, you're in a happy state. You're in a joyful state.

It's really useful to take a second while you're feeling that and go, why am I feeling like this?

Is there is there a reason that I'm feeling like this? Is it because of what that other person did

or is it because of the meaning that I'm extracting from the thing that that person did, which

is probably more likely the scenario? And then is it useful to continue to allowing this state

to happen when this trigger puts me into this state? Or is it more useful to try to discipline

myself and learn how to overlay a better state so that my neurology or my the my neuro pathways

are more easily forged into this other state of more of blissfulness of happiness, joy of peace,

whatever, you know, the more quote unquote positive emotions would be like, like I said,

really difficult to do in the moment, but I found a lot of value in this. A little bit easier to do

in the moment when you're feeling really joyful. And sometimes sometimes I don't like to do it that

much when I'm feeling joyful because I don't want to take myself out of the moment too much. But I

do like ask myself the question like, man, I feel really good right now. Why do I feel really good

right now? And then you can sort of look to the things that might have caused that state. Things

like, oh, I'm actually caught up on sleep. Oh, I'm properly hydrated. Oh, I got my workout in

this morning. Maybe all those things are good for me. And maybe they actually helped me achieve

this state of happiness or bliss more often. And then they're the opposite side. It's like, well,

why am I feeling this emotion? Is it because my spouse did this thing? Is it because my kids were

disrespectful to me or they talked back or to their teacher? Like, is it because of the event

that happened? Or is it because of all these other, you know, a malgum of different scenarios and

circumstances that have happened that day. And then the previous seven days leading up to it like,

oh, I drank too much over the weekend. And I just feel like shit or like I got really terrible

sleep quality. I didn't get my workout out workout in. I haven't drank enough water. I'm not fully

hydrated. I just feel bad. It's really helpful if you can pull yourself out like a floating

version of you to view the situation from a third party objective perspective. And then label the

emotion and then discover why you're feeling that emotion because it can allow you to have some

sort of agency or control around the emotional state that you get into rather than just allowing

yourself to be in this constant state of reactivity rather than proactivity. So why am I feeling this

emotion? Next is who do I know that has the results that I want? Who do I know that has the

results that I want? This was basically the entire premise of what this show used to be called,

which is build your network. Because I found basically when I was starting the podcast, it was like,

I knew everybody that I learned from in this space was like, you got a niche down, you got a

niche down, you got a niche down. And the only thing that I was confident in my ability to portray

at that time was sales because I was door or sales guy. So I was like, I could talk about sales.

But the whole reason that I was starting an online business was to pull myself out of the door

door sales world. So I was like, I'm not going to start a podcast about sales or door

door sales, especially because that's only going to pull me into that world more

rather than allow me to escape that world. And so I looked at some of the things that I had done

was like, of the things that I've seen success with, like within the context of door or door sales.

Why was I able to see results faster and greater than all these other people who I worked with

in whatever organization? Because whatever sales organization I jumped into, I always jumped to the

top of the performers list very quickly. And I looked back on that and I said, what did I do in

order to be able to become the top guy in that company in a shorter period of time than the people

who've been doing it for four years? And the answer to the question was, I was really good at

identifying who is the best at the thing. And then basically doing my best imitation of that person

for as long as it took in order for me to finally make it my own version. Because I think, you know,

the best sales people are people who sort of like touched over time sort of fall into this

milieu of the script and everything that they're supposed to say and do. And then they find their

own sort of rhythm that works well for their personality and things like that. But when you first

jump into a sales opportunity, if other people are already successful doing that thing, that's great

news. That's great news. All it means is that all I got to do is copy exactly what that person is

doing, exactly what that person says. So whenever I jumped into a new sales organization, I wasn't

trying to reinvent the wheel. I wasn't trying to make up my own pitch. I wasn't trying to buck back or

ask questions about like, well, why would I say this? This doesn't sound natural. This doesn't sound

like me. It's like, I don't care if it sounds like me or not. I'm basically just going to be like,

does that work? Yes or no? If it does, I'm going to do my dead level best impression of the person

who knows how to do it the best. And I say best impression because it's not just about the words on

the page, especially in sales. It's also about how you're showing up. It's your body language. It's

your tonality. What are the things that that person is doing that I am not doing that is obviously

clearly working for that person because they're at the top of the leaderboard every month? So

that was where the Belgian network concept came from because I was just like, I'm not going to do

the show about sales. But it seems like this networking thing has done fairly well for me. Like,

I don't know that many people, but I do know that every time that I have seen a significant

gem in my income, it's because I got around somebody who was really good at the thing that I was

trying to be good at. And I learned as much as I possibly could from them. And I put in way more

reps than anybody else was willing to put in. And then eventually got really good at that thing in

a short period of time. So who do I know that has the results that I want? And then if you don't

know anybody that has the results that you want, then you start looking outside of that, which

is exactly what I did when I entered the podcasting space. So it's like in the podcasting online

business world, I knew zero people, a total of zero people that were doing well in that space.

So the answer to that question was, I don't know anybody who has the results that I want. I don't

know anyone. But there are people who do have the results that I want. They do exist. Then it

then it becomes, then it became a question of how do I get in touch with those people? And how do I

learn from them the most? So that is the one of the things that has benefited me most in my life is

who do I know that has the results that I want? And how do I go spend more time with that person?

Next one, what are our cigarettes? What do we view as normal now that will vilify in 200 years?

I find this to be a helpful philosophical conversation because every present generation in the

history of civilization has overvalued the knowledge that they have because it's more than the

knowledge that the previous generation had. So I just watched this bio series, I guess, on Netflix,

on the life of James Garfield. And it was a great limited series, like maybe three or four episodes

or something like that. And it was a great, it was a great show. And in that they show James Garfield

who ended up, ended up dying because he, there was an assassination, assassination attempt on his

life. And they shot him. But that's actually not what killed him. What killed him was the infection

from the wound because the leading doctor on his case thought that the number one thing to do

at that time, the most important thing was to get the bullet out. And it was lodged in like some

other part of his body. When they did the autopsy, they realized that it was actually an infection that

caused him to die, not the actual bullet itself. So it could have remained there. And he could have

been alive. Had they stopped trying to reopen the wound and get the bullet out. And it was sort of

like a thing where it's like, man, this is the president of the United States at that time. He had

the best care that was possible for him to have at that point in history. Yet they were so

wrong. They're so wrong to the degree where they ended up killing him. And sort of the same thing

when people would have had an infection before. It's like, well, we got to get the bad blood out.

And they would just put leeches on them and take all their blood away. And it was like,

oh, it turns out you can't take everybody's blood away or they die from blood loss. But it's

easy for us to look back on that and go like, what a bunch of silly dummies. But even today,

with all the knowledge information that we have, we're still barely scratching the surface of the

total volume of information and knowledge that exists in the universe because we're still this

teeny tiny planet called Earth. And they're the vastness of the universe is so much greater than

what we can even physically comprehend with our minds. So we tend to overvalue the information

that we currently have. And so one of the sort of thought experiments that I think about sometimes

is like, what are the cigarettes of our generation? Because back in the day, everybody smoked.

Everybody. Everybody smoked. Dr. smoked. The pastor smoked. Husband smoked. Wyve smoked.

Everybody smoked indoors. They smoked on airplanes. Everybody smoked. It was just ubiquitous.

It was everywhere. Now, of course, it's like, it's like somebody smoking is almost worse than seeing

them, you know, have sex in public. It's like, put that cigarette out. You know what I mean?

Then somebody's having sex in public. It's like, no, you know, let them do what they're going to do.

It's sort of turned into this thing where it's like, it's almost comically, um, you know,

vilified in our society now. And it's easy for us to point the finger back and be like,

I can't believe everybody used to smoke, but they just didn't have the information at that time.

And now, inevitably, in 100 years and 200 years, people will look back at us in 2020 to 2030.

And they're going to be like, man, I can't believe they used to blink. They used to do whatever

the thing is, right? Probably something about ultra-processed foods. Probably something about

relying to heavily on pharmaceutical drugs and things like that. But there's something that we're

doing now that in the future, people are going to look back on. What I found that this does for me

is that it just allows me to have, you know, strong beliefs, but loosely held to be open to new

information to say the like, you know, what we are constantly learning new things. There are always

new things to learn. And assuming that you have all the information correct right now is probably

the incorrect assumption. So what are our cigarettes? And in my opinion, right now, I think one of them

is loneliness, which is why we have the Travis McFriends podcast, mother podcast that's focused on

helping solve a lonely, lonely epidemic. Because loneliness is actually worse for your physical

health and smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day. I think it was also five alcoholic beverages a day.

Loneliness is worse than either one of those things, which is pretty wild. And I think that we've

technologically built a moat around loneliness in a negative way, meaning that like it's more

difficult now for people to break out of loneliness than it used to be because we have things like

social media that imply that it's a connection tool. When in reality, it's more of a media tool,

and it's actually something that makes you more lonely. But you think that it doesn't make you

lonely because well, I'm connecting with other people. It's social media. It's like actually focus

more on the media part less on the social part. And that's probably more when social media is

and don't replace that with bad things. But anyway, the overall, the overall thought here though,

thought experiment is just to ask that question from time to time. Like what are, what are our

cigarettes? Like what are, what are the things that I'm thinking about that I'm just like, oh,

this is, I can't believe people used to do this. I'm doing it like this. This is obviously the

right way. We have all the information that we need. We're really smart now because of technology.

All those past generations, they were just a bunch of dummies. We know everything now. We got AI

and we got Google and we got all these things. We know everything. There's like, no, we don't.

There's going to be a bunch of stuff in the future. Like whenever, whenever somebody finally comes

up with a cure for cancer, people are going to look back on it like we look at measles or whatever,

some other, like tuberculosis, some other big disease that used to just wipe out entire populations

of people that we have. Cures for now. We have penicillin for now. We're going to look back,

people are going to look back at that and be like, I can't believe that many people were dying

from cancer back in the 2020s because now we have this thing where it's just like, it's a pill

that you take or it's a shot that you got or it's this supplement that we found and the deep

jungles of Africa that we didn't know existed that helps fight back against it. Now it's like a

thing of the past. It's just a fun thought experiment to think through because it allows you to

take life a little bit less seriously and know that in the future, man, we're going to be

vilified for things that we're doing now just like we look back on and vilify other people from

previous generations for the things that they just accepted as being normal at that time.

So now we're through question number 10. So I think we're just going to continue going through this

doc here over the next couple of episodes, but I appreciate you all for tuning in. These are

25 questions to live a better life. We'll catch you on the next episode. Peace.