SOLO | Make Money by Building Unshakeable Confidence

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Tell you to write down affirmations and to manifest your goals and things like that.

But I've never really found those things to be super effective.

And frankly, a lot of the people that gain quote unquote confidence from those sources tend

to be more likely to be scam artists, just to say it frankly. Because the confidence

is unearned and unearned confidence can be really harmful and really dangerous.

So how do you actually build confidence? Welcome back to the show. I'm Travis Shappell

your host. And on these episodes, it's just me, you and the mic. These are basically

just some of the lessons that I've learned through the last eight and a half-ish years

of podcasting through the thousand interviews that I've done as well as all the books

that I've read and things like that. So these are just some things that I've learned

along the way. And hopefully it's helpful to you. And so today we're talking about one

of the most important things when it comes to each person's individual success, which

is your confidence. So how do we build confidence? I like to think about confidence like a bank

account. Sometimes these illustrations can maybe be too simple for a very complex concept.

But the way my brain works, it's easier for me to liken it to something that I can really

understand. So to me, it's, you got a confidence bank account. And there are certain things that

you can do to make deposits into that bank account. And there are certain things that you

can do that make withdrawals from that bank account. And the more, the higher the balance

that you have in that bank account, the more confidence that you will have throughout

your life. Obviously. So how do we make deposits? How do we make withdrawals? Let's start with

some of the withdrawals things. Factors that will withdraw from your confidence bank

account. Probably not one that you expect me to start with, but we're going to start

with this one anyway, not acting in line with your values when no one is looking. A lot

of that goes into the self-respect portion of this. But you've got to respect yourself

to have some confidence. And confidence is a, there's direct correlation between the

amount of self-respect you have and the confidence that you have. Because if you know that you

put in the work when nobody was watching, you'll have more confidence to tackle whatever

task it is that you are trying to tackle. So if you are whatever, doing a public speaking

gig, right? If you know that you've not put in any work, if you've never spoken in

public before, and then you didn't prepare a bunch for this talk and you didn't practice

the hell out of this talk, maybe in front of a different crowd, maybe in front of the

mirror, maybe videoing yourself and watching it back. If you didn't practice and put in

the work and prepare, then when you get up to go on stage and give this talk for the first

time, you're probably not going to feel confident at all. And rightfully so. And if you do feel

confident, it probably isn't confidence. It's probably arrogance masked as confidence,

which to me, like I said, is even worse because you've deluded yourself into believing that

you're confident when really you're just being arrogant. And the final product is probably

not very good, even though you think that it's good. And a lot of other people aren't

going to think that it's good. So anyway, not acting in line with your values when nobody's

looking at integrity integrity. Are you who you say you are? If it's a value of yours

to have a to not litter, but you know, when nobody's looking, you're going to throw a cup

out the car window or you're going to drop your cigarette butt on the ground because

who cares? Then you're acting out of line with your values and you will start to distrust

yourself, which will then affect your confidence levels. And these are like little withdrawals.

You don't think of it as being a big deal because in your mind, it's not that big of

a deal. But when you're constantly making these little withdrawals out of your account,

it's like, it's like spending money on Starbucks, right? Like you don't think it's that big

of a deal because it's, you know, it's a $5 coffee. Who cares? But it's like, but if you

do that twice a day for a month, it's like, wow, I spent $350 on Starbucks this month.

And as you guys know, it's funny to use that example because on the show, we kind of

vilify that concept of like, you know, you shouldn't make enough money to where you don't

have to worry about spending money on Starbucks. It's kind of the overall idea of the show.

But the illustration still is true, meaning that you don't think of these as massive withdrawals,

but when you look at them over a long enough period of time and you do these little things

that just subconsciously make you not trust yourself, subconsciously make you not like

yourself because you're acting like a different person when nobody's watching. Then that's

going to erode your confidence levels over time and start withdrawing from that bank

account balance. Number two, not being honest with yourself about the work that you put

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Not doing the reps. And Alex Mosey said this said this best when he says confidence does not

come from shouting affirmations in the mirror. It comes from it comes from the evidence that

you do what you say you're going to do or something along those lines. But he's basically

saying like, you got to put in the work. The confidence comes from the fact that you know

how to do this thing. So if you are in sales and you did not memorize the script, you did

not run through objections. You did not practice what you're going to say in this particular

situation or you did not practice your tonality or you did not come up with a story of a customer

that you worked with in the past that helps push people over the edge as a social proof pillar

of psychology. Like if you don't do these things, then you are being dishonest with yourself

about the work that you've put in. You're telling yourself that like, well, I showed up every day.

You know what I mean? Like, I mean, I was, I did what was required of me on the, in the manual

for my job. You know, it's like, but did you really, did you really put in the work? Did you,

you can't, Jason Witten, I think it was who said this. He said you can't cheat the muse. If you

don't know Jason Witten is, he's one of my favorite football players of all time. He was a

tight end for the Dallas Cowboys. And I saw him on an interview one time. He's saying like you,

he was talking to another really well-known athlete. I forget who it was. Must have been really

well known so much, so well known that I forgot who it was. But he was talking to them and he's

basically, they were, they were finding a commonality here in the fact that you can't cheat the

muse. Like you can't just show up on game day. You can't just show up to practice. It's the work

that you're putting in outside of that. Do are, are you being honest with yourself that you left

everything that you could on the field? Are you being honest with yourself that you prepared as

much as you possibly could? Are you being honest with yourself that you put in the volume of reps

required to gain the confidence that you actually want? Because again, if you start to distrust

yourself, these are things that are going to withdraw from that confidence bake account and start

to eat at that balance over a long enough period of time. And by the way, when you're starting from

scratch, these are the things that are more detrimental than anything else that we're talking about.

These like these little things, these are, these are destructive of your bank of your confidence

bake account. Just like when you're starting your, your actual bank account, you know, like you,

you don't fill up your car with gas all the way because you're like, man, well, if I fill up this

tank, it's going to be 70 bucks. And I only have $150 in my bank account. And I know that I got to buy

some food for the family on the way home. And like, that's not, I can't do that. I got to, I got to

fill up my tank like a quarter tank or a third of a tank just to get me to be able to get to the grocery

store so I can spend the rest of my money, of the money in my account on groceries so that I can,

you know, it's this game that you're constantly playing because you're starting with such a little

amount. So if you're starting out in life with a little amount of confidence in your bank account,

these are going to be the things that are, that are crippling in your journey to create more

confidence and to, and to build more abundant success in your life. So not acting in line with

your values when no one's looking, not being honest with yourself about the work that you put in.

And then the another one is rejection rejection. So I remember I asked this question to

Ed Mylett when the first conversation that I had with Ed on my podcast was back in 2017,

2018. And I asked him about rejection because I know that he built his insurance organization

from scratch. And I was a door-to-door sales guy at the time trying to become a podcaster. And so

we sort of commiserated together about the volume of rejection that comes with this high volume

sales career. And I asked him, why can't people get past rejection? I never forget what he told me.

He said, he said, rejection is not the problem. It's, it's, it's the symptom. The actual root of

the problem is your lack of self-confidence. It's that the rejection is confirmation of what you

actually believe about yourself. So when you present this idea and you get rejected, you don't have

the ability to withstand that rejection until the next time where you might get a win and where

you might get a deposit into the bank account. You don't have the ability to withstand that rejection

because every rejection you get is basically just overdrawing your confidence account and it destroys

your inner self-confidence and you start telling yourself these stories and you buy into those

stories. And then before you know it, you've quit and you've moved on to something else because

you were not able to withstand that rejection. And anything in life that's worth doing will

inevitably come with a crap load of rejection. That's the scientific term, I think. It's, it will

always come with a ton of rejection along the way. Anything in life, the, the, one of the core

common denominators that I've realized that the successful people that I've talked to, but also

that has been well studied by a lot of other people who talked to a lot of successful people.

One of the core common denominators is that they have the ability to move from failure to failure

or from rejection to rejection without loss of enthusiasm. And that enthusiasm comes from the fact

that they've made enough deposits in their confidence account that they can withstand the

rejection that happens from time to time. And they can, they can get rejected 50 times in a row

without being overdrawn on their confidence account. They just keep moving on to the next door.

They keep moving on to the next opportunity. They keep moving on to the next investor pitch or whatever,

you know, apply this to your, to your situation, what you're trying to accomplish. You know, even,

even if acting or comedy or producing TV shows like the volume of rejections you're going to

experience is going to be very high. So if you don't set up your confidence bank account in a

way to make sure that you're not overdrawn when you get rejected, then you're much more likely to

quit because being overdrawn in that account makes you feel basically worthless. It doesn't allow

you to be able to take the next step. It feels crippling. It feels like you, you, you can't move.

It feels suffocating. So rejection from other people, rejection from the marketplace, rejection from

a romantic partner that you're trying to date, whatever it is, like all those levels of rejection

are going to be withdrawals from your bank account, your confidence bank account. So try to avoid

these things as much as you can. Now, let's move into the deposits. Okay. First off,

because I'm trying to set this up in a way for people who are even those who are just getting

started. If you're like, man, I just don't have any confidence. And I'm trying to, I'm trying my

best to learn how to build this confidence in my life. The first big deposit that you're going to

get in that confidence account is the courage to commit. The courage to commit to doing whatever

it is that you're trying to do. When I first started this podcast, I had zero confidence in my

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List of those things I was going to be doing this for two years. That was the commitment that I

made to myself. It was the current to commit to say two years no matter what rain or shine,

happiness or depression, you know, I am going to put out episodes of the show no matter what.

And I committed to, I believe it was three episodes a week at that time back in 2017.

And so from 2017 to 2019, I was like no matter what happens, if no matter if nobody ever

lists this to the show, if I don't get anything out of this, I know for sure 100% that for the next

two years, I will do this thing. Just the courage to commit allows you the freedom to be able to

move from rejection to rejection to rejection without losing a lot of that enthusiasm. It mitigates

the loss. It mitigates the withdrawal that each individual rejection pulls from that account

because I just knew that I was going to be in this thing for the long haul regardless.

So if you are starting from scratch, the courage to commit to something and apply this to whatever

it is that you're doing. If you're trying to get good at sales, if you're trying to reinvent your

career, if you're trying to be a public speaker, if you're trying to get into acting, if you're trying

to build a business, just start with this, the epic courage that's required to commit to this

thing. And you'll find that in that commitment, although this is counterintuitive, in that commitment

comes freedom because you don't have the choices. If I would have said, I'm going to do my

podcast. And if there's just some early signs that it's not going to work out, then I'll just

all evaluate along the way. I'll just see how it goes. If I would have done that, I would

equip three months in because there were no indicators early on that I was going to be successful

with it. I didn't have this experience of an explosion of success as soon as I started my show.

In fact, it was quite the opposite. And probably a year, maybe maybe a month, like 14, 15,

after I had accomplished a good amount of stuff, like to me in my mind, it was like,

if I can get this guest, it'll explode my podcast and all, you know, experience this level of success.

And like 14, 15 months in, I had already gotten, I already checked off a bunch of like my dream

guests, people who I thought would be these huge needle movers that would make a massive impact

in my podcast and my business. And then it didn't happen the way that I wanted it to happen.

So if I would not have committed to two years at that point, I probably would have given up

around month 14 month, month 14 or 15. But I knew that I committed to two years. And with that

commitment comes this level of freedom where you don't have the choices that you would normally have.

You're just like, I'm heads down focused on this goal because this is what I committed to doing.

And I told myself I was going to do it. Therefore, I will make sure that I continue to do this thing.

So courage to commit is to me a great place to start when you're starting from scratch.

It just allows you to have this level of freedom that will help mitigate the rejection or the pain

that you feel when you when you get rejected. So courage to commit. Second thing, consistency to

continue improving or practice. In other words, reps, volume. There's a phrase that my buddy Ed and I

use all the time, which is violent volume. And it was funny because we talked about my podcast and

the fact now that this is what I do full time. But when we met, it wasn't when I was doing full

time. And I wanted it to be full time. And so I told them, all right, well, I'm moving from

three episodes a week to an episode every day. He was like, oh, cool. You know, violent, violent

volume is the answer. And I moved to two episodes a day. Now we're doing three episodes a day.

And every time I talk to him, he's just like, yes, I love it. Violent volume is always the answer

because the more consistently you improve, the more reps you put in, the better you get at the

craft. And the better you get at the craft, the more you enjoy the practice and the reps that are

required to get better at the craft, which means that you're more likely to continue doing that thing.

Because whenever you start anything new, there's going to be this, I call it the callous building

phase, because I liken it to playing the guitar. My guitar shouldn't over here out of the frame.

I picked it up in high school. I started trying to learn how to play guitar. And I'm not like a,

you know, amazing musician or anything like that. But I can court around and have fun on it. And

when I first started, I literally was telling myself, like, man, I think I made a mistake. I think,

I think I'm just, I think there's probably just a category of people that exist out there that

just can't learn the guitar. And maybe that's me. And that was a story that I was starting to accept

because it sucked, man. Like the first two months, three months of trying to learn to play guitar,

it's the worst. Like your fingers hurt all the time. You can't get, you can't even strum a chord

without it buzzing and sounding terrible. Even if you could somehow manipulate your fingers into

the chord formation and then strum it, it's like, bam, bam. It's this is a weird, crazy noise

that is gross. And it's not fun at all to practice the guitar when you're in that callous building

phase. What happens is in, in, in guitar specifically, especially still string acoustic guitar,

you literally develop calluses on the tips of your fingers. And those calluses on the tips of

your fingers allow you to press down the, the steel strings on the guitar and then finally be

able to strum a chord where it actually sounds good. Now it's like, okay, well, I got that first

chord and it sounds good. Now I can play this chord and it sounds okay. And then it was chord

switching and it's like, okay, now when I move to this chord, it takes me five seconds to get my

fingers placed in the right position and then I can strum that chord. But then once you get past

month, three, month, four, you have those calluses built and then you learn three or four chords,

it's like, well, now I can learn a song. And once you play your first song, it's like, now it's

actually becoming a little bit fun to practice the guitar because things are sounding okay and I'm

moving in the right direction and you have the ability to look at the progress that you've made

over the past couple of months. So it starts with the commitment because without the commitment,

you probably won't continue through that callus building phase. But then it continues with the

consistency, the consistency attacking the thing with violent volume and just being willing

to do more reps than anybody else is willing to do. That consistency, that continued practice will

continue to make deposits and that big account to give you the confidence that you need.

I just had a public speaker on the show actually earlier today. Alan Stein and he came from working

with a bunch of like superstar NBA players. He was a basketball trainer, coach,

a mental performance coach, and then like strength conditioning coach for a lot of superstar NBA

players. And he pivoted his career into public speaking. And then he told me that for the first three

years of his public speaking career, he did over 100 speeches completely for free in those three

years. Even though he had 20 years of experience doing this other thing, even though he had the name

recognition of having worked with Kevin Durant and Steph Curry and all these people on the USA Olympic

basketball team, even though he had all of that stuff stacked in his resume, he knew he was starting

something over from scratch and that he was going to have to put in the work to do that thing as well

as he had put in the work to do the other thing that he had done for 15, 20 years of his career up to

that point. So 100 free speeches for somebody who's already at that point in their career is a lot

of speeches, especially when you consider all the times you have to travel. And then I've been in

this position too where like you have to pay to travel because they can't afford to fly you out.

So like you're paying to go out there, they're not paying you and you're speaking to a group of

13 people in like a city hall somewhere and like the middle of nowhere. It's just but his commitment

to continuing to be consistent and to put in the reps and to put in the volume that was required to

get better at the craft was now what has been able to get him to the point where he is a full-time

professional speaker and actually gets paid to go to corporations and has the ability to say no

to people who aren't going to pay his fee, who aren't going to cover his travel. And now he can

select the things that he's doing and built the career that he wanted to build. But it didn't come

as soon as he as soon as he told somebody that he was going to be a public speaker. It came from

years of consistent commitment to improving his craft and practicing his craft. And every time

you put in another session of strumming that guitar, every time you put in another rep of speaking

on stage, every time you put another rep of writing another paragraph for your newsletter,

every time you do that, you are depositing a little bit into your bank account, that confidence bank

account. And over time, that's what's going to really continue to grow that account.

Next thing. So courage commit consistency to continuing improving and practicing those things

with a high volume. Third thing is results from your work. Once you see the results come from all

of the work that you've been doing behind closed doors, you're acting in line with the values

when nobody's looking. You're being honest with yourself about the work that you're putting in.

You're actually putting in the work, you're putting in a high volume of reps. You've done all of

the things that you're supposed to be doing. And then you see your result happen. Like, you know,

which uses public speaking speaking example, you do 100 free speeches. And then that 101st speech,

somebody pays you your exact fee that you wanted. Man, that feeling is worth so much more than

whatever you get paid to do that thing. Because it just taught you that all of the work that you put

in has now become worth it. And people are starting to see that I've actually put in the work to put

myself into position to deserve the level of success that I'm actually achieving at this point.

So the results from your work are those are those are those like big, you know,

confidence deposits. These are the wins. So like in a sales scenario, if rejection is a withdrawal,

then a closed deal is a deposit. So the cool thing to me is that if you can make that commitment

and practice that consistency, you can mitigate the loss, the withdrawals of the rejection.

And then you can fully experience the deposits of the wins. So when you get those wins,

feel how awesome that feeling is and then get after it again and go find that next win. And then

the better you get at it, the coolest thing about this is that now it doesn't take as many rejections

to get to the win as it used to. So to use a classic example, because this is what I did for

a door-door sales, you know, maybe it took you 100 doors to get a sale when you first started.

But the better you get at it because you committed to showing up and getting better at it,

the better you get and maybe it doesn't take you 100 doors anymore. Maybe it takes you 75 doors.

Maybe it takes you 50 doors. Then it starts taking you 30 doors. And then to the point where we got

when I was knocking with my team, like we would just cherry pick. Sometimes like if it was like a long day

or it was a long weekend or something and we're just going out, we only had two, three hours,

just be like, man, well, let's hop in the car. And then we would just drive around neighborhoods

and cherry pick houses and say like, ooh, like that's a deal. That's a deal. Somebody get out,

go knock that door because that's a deal waiting to happen right there. And like our, you know,

we would knock 10 houses and then get a deal. It was no longer just this like volume game of

just knocking on doors at Nazim. It was because we put in that type of work before, we could then

start to spot the ones that were more likely to be, you know, a positive result and then spend

the majority of our time working on those ones so that we could be more efficient with our time.

But then you mitigate each rejection along the way and then you feel the big deposit,

then this is how you start seeing how your bank account can just start exploding with growth

in terms of keeping that confidence balance way, way, way, way higher so that each individual

rejection, even though it might withdraw a bunch, it doesn't matter because your balance is so

massive. Kind of like the Starbucks example, right? If you have $10 million in your bank account,

you're all of a sudden not really super concerned about how much your Starbucks drink costs you

on the monthly basis. So results from your work and the wins that you get along the way,

huge deposits into your confidence account. So you got to be willing to stick into the consistency

piece of this so that you can start collecting those wins so that you can start. This is where

this is where the balance of your account can get, can get massively high because the cool thing

about it is that it's not, it's not linear. It's not just like one point per win deposited into

the account, right? It's like depending on the quality of the win or the work that went into that

win or the the enormity of the project, this could be like 50,000 points in a single win that

then enables you to withstand another four years of nothing but rejection before you'd run out

of confidence out of the end of it. You know what I mean? So you got to be able to stick in the

game long enough to be able to get the wins because the wins make massive deposits in your bank account.

Lastly, this is probably the best piece of advice that I've ever gotten in terms of how to really

build confidence like the grass roots if you're if you're really trying to go from I'm not confident

at all to I'm very confident. Keep the promises that you make to yourself. Having an impeccable

relationship with yourself is the path to lasting confidence, 100% of the time bar none. Keep the

promises that you make to yourself and this sort of goes into the not acting in line with your values

when nobody's watching. It's like if you are only going to the gym so that you can post about it

on social media and everybody can see it but then you're not willing to go to the gym when you're

not going to post about on social media or you're like if you're only doing it to appease the

perception of other people then you are not the you are cheating yourself out of the confidence

that you gain from doing it just for the purpose of the fact that you told yourself that you

are going to do it the better the way you ship that you have with yourself the more trust that

you have with yourself the more respect that you have for yourself because you know you've put

in the work the more confidence you're going to gain from doing that activity and the cool thing

about this one in particular is that it doesn't matter it doesn't matter what realm it's in

it will translate to other areas where you might need confidence meaning that if it's just something

as simple as I'm going to get up at six o'clock every day or I'm going to read 10 pages of a book

every day these teeny tiny like perceived teeny tiny acts of keeping the promises you make to yourself

will translate to some of the other maybe higher stakes situations in life where you're trying

to get this new job or you're trying to win this big deal for your business or you're trying to

get a great guest in your podcast or you know whatever whatever that big milestone project is to you

these little deposits that you're making along the way by keeping promises to yourself will directly

translate to these massive potential huge deposits along the way so that's why I say like if you're

just getting started just start with keeping the promises that you make to yourself

way that I do that is I stopped making a ton of promises to myself I got myself being like I'm

going to do that I'm going to do that I'm going to do that I'm going to do that and it's like it's

impossible for me to do all of these things and inevitably when I actually fail at doing all of

these things that I told myself I was going to do then I start having that negative self-talk again

like man you don't you can't even do this laundry list of items that you gave yourself how can you

possibly do this other thing it's like we'll just start with something small that's that's

seemingly small because even that seemingly small thing that you've committed to doing will

directly translate in your ability to create confidence later on which is why I think it's a

you know organized sports weightlifting getting healthy and in shape as a young person I think those

things are wildly underrated not just as not not just as the goal in and of itself right like living

a healthy life is obviously a really good goal and a worthy pursuit in general but it's because

it's like the earliest form of this level of confidence that you can gain is from like I started

going to the gym it sucked I didn't know what I was doing I hurt every day I was sore and I and I

saw virtually no results for four months straight but then you keep doing you keep doing it you keep

showing up you keep doing it you you have the courage to commit you remain consistent you put in the

work you've done the volume and you can look back in 12 months from now and go like wow what a

transformation I've seen in my body along the way and that is such a great siloed perfect example

to use to say that like hmm what else could I potentially change about my life by just having

the courage to commit to it and remaining consistent and putting in the work long enough to see a

result to win these big deposits in my bank account so that is it for this episode how to build

more confidence in your life find the courage to commit be consistent get the results from your work

get those wins keep the promises you make yourself stop or stop acting out of line with your values

when nobody's looking stop being dishonest with yourself about the work that you put in and then

do your best to mitigate the rejection that you feel from the market from other people and this

will be a really great springboard into your ability to build self confidence in your life as always

at Travis Chapel on Instagram Travis at Travischapel.com if you want to shoot me a question something we

can tackle on a later episode please let me know what that is and I look forward to engaging with

you guys over there thanks again for tuning into this episode we'll catch you the next one peace