Star Trek Day! Live Long and Prosper with these 54 dad jokes! 26 March 2026

This episode is brought to you by Athletic Brewing Company.

No matter how you do game day, on the couch, in the crowd, or manning the snack table,

Athletic Brewing fits right in.

With a full lineup of non-alcoholic beer styles, you can enjoy bold flavors all game-long.

No hangovers, no buzz, no subbing out for water in the second half.

Stuck the fridge for tip-off with a variety of non-alcoholic craft styles available at

your local grocery store or online at AthleticBrewing.com.

Near beer, fit for all times.

Which Star Trek Captain was a stage magician?

Captain Picard, any card?

I hired a painter to do a family portrait, but he keeps drawing us as Star Trek villains.

Turns out he's a con artist.

Did you hear about the tricky that sold all his Star Trek merch?

He was sort of step between a spock and a hard place.

Ricardo Montalban had trouble finding work after Star Trek.

No one wants to hire an ex-con.

I've been reading some Star Trek fanfiction lately.

It has its pros and cons.

What did Mazikist Captain Kirk say in the alternate universe?

Beat me up, Scotty.

What did this spock say when he changes a fluorescent light bulb?

Live long and phosphor?

I saw a bunch of box candies waiting to see Shatner speak.

What a bunch of nerds.

Why did Captain Kirk flush the brand new toilet?

Because William Shatner.

Why did the Enterprise elope with the Klingon bird of prey?

Because Picard wouldn't let them get engaged.

I had a glass statue of Captain Kirk.

My dog ran by and knocked it over and it broke.

William shattered.

Out of all the races on Star Trek, nobody uses more hair coloring than the Kling gun.

That's because today is a good day to die.

Did you know Mr. Spock from Star Trek had three years?

A left ear, a right ear and a final front ear.

My brother had a bad reaction to a nut while we were watching a Star Trek movie a while back.

The incident is forever referred to as The Wrath of Picard.

What do Barnacles and Lieutenant Commander Wharf have in common?

They both Klingon.

What did Spock find in the toilet?

The Captain's log.

I bought an action figure of the Star Trek doctor, but it looks fake.

I don't think it's the real McCoy.

Why did Captain Kirk bring a lawnmower on the USS Enterprise?

He boldly mow where no man has mown before.

Star Trek fans always expect a gift when going to a convention.

They call it the Enterprise.

Cryogenic sleep is controversial in the Star Trek universe.

Kirk is well aware of its frozen cons.

Why is Jean-Luc Picard the best Enterprise Captain?

Because fortune favors the bald.

What does every Star Trek fan ask for from a mobile network?

Unlimited data.

What do toilet paper and Star Trek have in common?

They both go around Uranus and wipe out Klingon.

It's the family to the Star Trek Museum today, and we were the 10,000th visitor.

We won the Enterprise.

What technology gets the Starship Enterprise going?

Spock plugs.

I tried to sneak into a Star Trek convention disguised as a doctor.

The security guard suspected I was not the real McCoy.

We'll resume the fun and laughs right after this message.

Not sure how to tackle your taxes.

Are you sweating the small print?

You may be experiencing FOMO, the fear of messing up.

To answer, using TurboTax on Intuit Credit Karma, they help you get your biggest refund

and then we help you do more with it, with a personalized plan designed to help you hit

your money goals.

It's time to take your taxes to the max.

Start filing today in the Credit Karma app.

Captain Kirk's worst day was when being chased by ravenous aliens he communicated being

near board Scotty, and a two by four appeared.

If Spock has Vulcan ears, what does Scotty have?

Engineers.

What does Captain Picard say when he asks a woman to marry him?

Engage?

Prior to the next generation, Patrick Stewart had an expansive filmography, however, he was

so good in that role, he's been tightcast ever since.

He was hoisted by his own Picard.

I threw a brick through a window the other day and William Schettner came out screaming

at me.

I guess he was just angry at the damage I had done to his enterprise.

What did Captain Picard say to the textile machine technician?

Make it so.

My friend told me he got a cling on bird of prey tattooed on his arm.

When I told him I didn't see it, he said it was cloaked.

I was very disappointed to find that the movie Dunkirk was a World War II movie, and not

the biography of William Schettner.

His Captain Picard's favorite size of model train.

Engage.

What did Bones say to Captain Kirk at the River Crossing?

Damn it, Jim.

I went to a Star Trek convention dressed as a tree.

I was the Captain's log.

Do you know who are the cling-gun natural enemies?

The Tiff Lons.

Why is the Gorn the fittest alien on Star Trek?

Because whenever you see him, he's hitting the gym.

I stole William Schettner's hairpiece at a convention and planned to sell it, but don't

judge me.

I've got bills to pay.

Why wasn't Gwen Stefani on Star Trek?

Because she ain't no holiday girl.

I used to really like Star Trek, but now I've just kind of soured on the whole enterprise.

I don't really relate to my uncle who's a Star Trek fan.

He seems to cling on too much to the nostalgia of the original series.

What does Captain Kirk say to his chief engineer at the beach?

Cream me up Scotty.

William Schettner had to go into space on Blue Origin instead of SpaceX.

He's obligated to follow the Amazon Prime directive.

Did you know the actor who plays Kirk in the new Star Trek movies longs to live in a forest

of evergreen trees?

Chris Pine Pines Pines.

How do people in Star Trek tolerate high speeds?

They cling onto something.

I heard somewhere that Lieutenant Commander Data from Star Trek had an older brother, but

I think that's just folklore.

Captain Kirk has been known to use some drugs in his past, but these days he only does

some lightspeed.

What did Spock do before starting a test?

He had to trick himself before he wrecked himself.

When exploring I always wear my Captain Kirk underwear, so I can boldly go where no man

has gone before.

I see William Schettner has just come back from a trip into space.

When asked about his trip, William said it was out of this world.

I was watching Star Trek and they kept talking about freighter ships.

I would imagine the cost of shipping between planets must be astronomical.

My brother was obsessed with the Enterprise, Captain Kirk, Spock, Scotty, Lieutenant Uhura

and Dr. McCoy, but hated the next generation and all the others.

He had a one trick mind.

I'm Montgomery Jones.

We're on a mission to spread the laughs and groans far and wide, so please do us a favor

and share just one of these jokes with your family and friends today.

Thanks.

Looking for the gift for Dad?

We have the official Daily Dad Jokes Podcast Electronic Joke button now available on Amazon.

A massive 500 pre-loaded Dad Jokes guarantee to make you laugh and groan.

Check the show notes page for the link.

The Daily Dad Jokes Podcast is produced by classic studios.

See the show notes page for social media links and joke credits.

This show was recorded in front of a canned studio audience.

Disney Plus wants to know, are you ready?

For Marvel Studios, Thunderbolts, The New Avengers, now streaming on Disney Plus.

Let's do this.

One of the best Marvel movies of all time is now streaming on Disney Plus.

Hey, you weren't listening to me.

I said Thunderbolts, The New Avengers, is now streaming on Disney Plus.

Meet the new Avengers.

That's cool, then.

Marvel Studios, Thunderbolts, The New Avengers, rated PG-13.

Now streaming on, you guessed it, Disney Plus.

President Barack Obama.

Virginia, we are counting on you.

Republicans want to steal enough seats in Congress to raid the next election

and wield unchecked power for two more years.

But you can stop them by voting yes by April 21st.

Help put our elections back on a level playing field

and let voters decide not politicians.

Vote yes by April 21st.

Paid for by Virginians for fair elections.