The Body Politic Part I

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1:01Yeah. Take all your money, take all your hair products, everything. With lifelog's million dollar... Right, that's your product. You should get some. And with lifelog's million dollar protection package, you'll have help covering stolen funds, personal expenses and lost wages from identity theft. I'm trying to sell my identity, no one wants it. Join now and save up to 30% off your first year. Go to lifelog.com slashconin. That's lifelog.com slashconin to save 30%. Cone and O'Brien needs a fan. Wanna talk to Conan? Visit te pathways.com slashConin. Okay, let's get started. Hi Grace, welcome to Cone and O'Brien Needs a fan. Hello there, nice to be here. Thank you very much. How are you Grace? I'm very good, how are you? Well, lovely to meet you. And you look fantastic. You really do. Okay. Thank you. to talk about here because it says on my little piece of paper here that you are in Bristol,

2:02England. Is that correct? That is correct. I was in London about a week and a half ago. So, sorry, I missed you. I'm sorry you missed me too. It doesn't sound sorry at all. Yeah, you seem you seem quite pleased that you dodged the serial international creep. Now, I don't know much other than it says here that you are a body modification assistant. I know nothing about this topic. Talk to me about I see that you have tattoos, but what does body modification include? So, I'm actually a tattoo artist, but when I was coming up in the industry, I was a body-piercer who then met a body modification artist and became their assistant. And body modification in the realm that I'm talking about would be things like tongue splits,

3:02scarification, sub-dermal implants, the removal of certain things. Yeah, kind of just coming up in the alternative scene in Plymouth where I grew up. Being into punk music and stuff like that, I was always seeing these heavily tattooed and pierced seniors in bands and stuff like that. And it very much inspired me and it got me wanting to learn more about it. And I was always fascinated by it and I was always wanting to get certain things done. I was dying to get my tongue split since I was probably 14, 15. Well, talk to me about that. Let's start with tongue splitting because I don't know anything about that. I know that people can get a piercing on their tongue, but I didn't know about a tongue splitting. What's that? Is this going to show you? Yeah. Oh my god. Oh my god. That is heavy. You have a forked tongue.

4:04Yes. I can't believe a thing you're saying. So that's for appearance, right? That doesn't, well, actually, it would give your tongue more surface area. I think so. Your tongue is two separate muscles, so that's why this bit works so well. You can move them independently. But yeah, it makes it a great life. I can pick food out of both sides of my mouth. It was like, oh my god. And you could stick your tongue out at two separate people across the room. Yeah. I definitely good point. Yes. That's not cool. Yes, it is. Yeah. It's not cool. That's actually really cool. You know what? Many times I've wanted to stick my tongue out, but I have to choose which person to do it. And they're usually on either side of a room. Yes. Some distance from it. Then this is the procedure for you. That's exactly what I've ever done. Does it? There must be some ways in which it's inconvenient. Like, maybe not.

5:06If you're licking ice cream, how's it? Is it? Is it? Do you, you must taste more ice cream? No, because there's not taste buds in the inside of your tongue, right? You're not getting new taste buds, are you? Well, probably. No, I, I've placed exactly like my taste. Nothing was different apart from the fact that these two things in my mouth now move independently. But honestly, it felt very freeing to get my tongue split. Like as soon as it was done and I started moving it, I was like, oh my god, it feels like my tongue has been in a vice this whole time. Did it change your speech at all? So I did have a slight list when I first got it done. And I had to kind of train myself to not have one, but it wasn't like severe or anything like that. It's kind of all dependent on the person. But yes, it's, it was something I'd always wanted done from a young age. And then I got a piercing apprenticeship in London. And the woman who was my mentor, she was like this radical, you know,

6:07heavily modified Polish woman who was terrifying. And she basically was able to facilitate that for me because she, she was like the gatekeeper to body modification for me. And she opened the door and introduced me to people who could facilitate all these sorts of things, you know. So there's so many things you said you've done something to your belly button. What did you have done to your belly button? I removed it. How do you remove a belly button? I didn't know you could do that. So what are the, is it just smooth there now? There's no sign of anything ever having been there? Yes, exactly. Like a Barbie doll. What did you do with it? Yeah, what happened? I actually said, so I'm 37 now and I got it done when I was like 19, 20. So what I did was I took it, dried it and set it in resin in a heart shape. And I gave it to the

7:10boy that I found seed at the time. Oh my god. You know, that's a mafia death threat. That's right up with a fish in your mailbox. Oh my god. When you guys broke up, no, I never got it back. Oh my god. You're belly button. You know, it's so great. You guys break up and where he breaks up with you and you go to his door and you're crying, you want, I want my belly button back. My girlfriend wants to man the sweater she knit me back because we broke up. And so this is the same thing. You mean back to a party part. Yeah. You also had your eyes tattooed purple. Are you talking about the iris of your eyes? Yeah, so I don't know. Oh my god. How do you do? Wait, I don't understand how that works. Your eyes are purple. Why have you not been grabbed by the government for being an alien? Well, I'm actually moving to America at the end of the year and it is one of my, my fears.

8:11Yeah. Trust me. It's not going to be your top fear grace. Plenty of other shit going on here right now. You'll soon forget all your modifications. So you've got that's since so eyeballs your tattooed purple. Does that hurt when they do it? So it wasn't necessarily painful, like the procedure because it's done by injection. And like so imagine that the white part of your eyes covered in saran wrap. That's what you guys call it, right? Yeah. Yeah. Like that. You're all ready for America. Don't worry about it. I am. I'm ready to go. Now just learn Captain Crunch in your side. So yeah, they put imagine like your eye, the white of your eye has this kind of clear layer over it. And there is like a pocket in between that where the the ink sits. The sclerus. So it's done by, yeah, exactly the scleror. There you go. They basically inject around the eye. I've had 12 injections in each eye. Oh my goodness. And it kind of spreads out,

9:12like the little bubble of ink kind of forms on top of the eye. And then within like an hour, it starts to disperse and like spread out. So this is no way affects your vision. I have never had any issues with my vision, but I'm not going to sit here and say that no, there's no risk one. There's massive risk. And people have gone blind. People have lost their eyes. I was the assistant of the body modification artist who invented the procedure. So I was you know, assisting a lot of eyeball tattoos. And I loved the way that it looked, but I obviously was a little bit cautious about how risky it was. But you know, being young and dumb and after a while, I was like, fuck it. Let's go. Yeah. Can I scare? Yes. Yes. We can only have it removed. Okay. No. And give it to a former lover. Exactly. The fuck it is now being given to my girlfriend.

10:13Okay. So these are the you do piercings. You pierce ears. You also pierce nipples. And you pierce women's genitalia, but not men's genitalia. Is that correct? I feel like this is a trial by the way. I know. Yeah. The way you're asking it. You're doctor. He's that very square. Dr. Lecler. Is it not true? Just argumentative. So you pierce women's uh say it. Say it. Say it. Sacred spaces. Oh, God. Yes. I pierce clisterous and lady. There's no evidence. There's a clitoris. No. I'm a clitoris denier. I'm on a record. Um, you don't think that they exist. I'm just I've never seen any evidence. Listen, Grace. You don't want to go down this road with me. It's not pleasant.

11:15No. So um, but you don't do women. You don't do penises. Is that right? So yeah, I I thought it was a piercing when I was a teenager and I learned to do everything. My my mentor told me how to pierce everything. And I did that for a for years. I've worked in Soho in London and I'm sure you've been to Soho. It's a fun place. I do. I love Soho. Yes. It's a great place. But because of it being in central London and being so next to so like I worked on Ward or Street, which is really close to where all like the fetish shops and the sex shops are. We just don't get be wrong. Love all of that. But because of that, we'd get like a an influx of older gentlemen who would like to get their genitals pierced. Interesting. Yes, I was happy to oblige. But then I noticed a pattern where there was just like, you know, they would get a piercing and then it would fall out two weeks later and they'd come in and be like, can you put it back in for me? And then it got

12:18to the point when I was like, oopsie, doopsie. It's a good piercing. Yeah. I'm done with that. Yeah. I'm just a female genitalia all day, every day, all day long. Love that. Because that just feels like a bonding system moment, you know? Sure. Yeah. I mean, I'm saying sure. I just don't know. Yeah. I'm going to be honest with you. I have to be honest with you. I don't know. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. September is National Childhood Cancer Awareness Month and Team Coco is teaming up with Hyundai Hope on Wheels in a fantastic way. Children fighting cancer are the real warriors. That's why Team Coco is donating memorabilia to a special charity auction benefiting Hyundai Hope on Wheels. Hyundai Hope on Wheels has supported children's families, doctors and researchers since 1998 by funding Childhood Cancer Research and raising public awareness. Check this out. Since 1998,

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17:28There was a moment in the football season last year. Yeah. Just blew me away. Remember that play? Incredible. The other one with the ball. Through the ball up in the air. You didn't end and that the catch and then the run was crazy. That was awesome. I know exactly what you're talking about. I think everyone does. So cool. Because it ended in a triumph. Well, no matter what triumphs or in store this season, legendary game days start with the Miller Lite. They sure do. Miller Lights are true American Pilsner and the original light beer brewed since 1975. I remember the last season I was sitting around with my bros, my bro heems, I call them the bros squad. The jock squad. Jock squad. You got your Greg Daniels, Rob Luzabnik, Robyn Flander. We're sitting around. We're shirtless and we were like, this game day is legendary. We all we all said that at the same time now. And then we all said, jinx, oh, me a Miller Lite. And it's a good thing I had some. Make game day legendary. Go to merrolike.com slash current to find delivery options near you. Or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. Game time is Miller time.

18:32Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing company Milwaukee Wisconsin 96 calories and two calories per 12 ounces. How does much does all of this cost? Is it expensive? I imagine, because I don't, when I get my eyes dyed, I don't want to go the cheap route. I want to get the best person is all of this expensive. So body modification is definitely more expensive than like piercing and because it is more high risk. But when I got all my modifications done like over 15 years ago. So it's probably a bit different now. Like I paid 250 pounds to get my tongue split. And I think that's probably pretty cheap compared to what the going rate is today. Yeah. But yeah, I think I think the eyes are at least a couple of grand. I'm not sure. Yeah. I didn't pay for my own dinner. I'll do it for 20. I'll do it for 20. Okay. Well, that's no one's going to go to you.

19:32But what do I know? I'll split your whole face for free. What about a penis? Fitting a penis is a. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, let's back it up. You split, you can split a penis. It's flacking up because he's interested. Yeah. Yes, you can split a penis. But I don't understand. I in no way understand. You can. Okay, let's go through the levels. There are levels to this shit, right? Okay. So level one would be imagine that the head of the penis is about their cake, right? Yeah. And obviously you have the urethro, which is the center of the cake. Yes. And then you have that seam that goes down the back of the head of the penis. Yes, yes. Right. So imagine you are cutting the first slice of cake. Not not the one to just the first cut. Yeah. Cut down that seam and expose the urethra. Right. So this is the penis. Okay. Okay. And you expose the urethra. Okay. Then level two would be either

20:34exposing the whole head or continuing to expose the bottom of the urethra going down. What's the purpose? Do you end up with two penises? Well, some people who go very extreme with it do, they'll end up with this. Oh, sorry, just this naive, but everything then still functions. Yeah, how do you pee if the urethra is just dangling in the wind? And can you have sex with two women across the world? We were going to get to that. That's, now we're getting mad man. You are an afternoon. If, you know, the bigger the anatomy, I'm guessing the more that we can do with it, the more opportunity there is for that sort of thing. Right. You can get fans here with a bigger cake. You can do more. Let's talk about the smaller cake. A cupcake. Maybe. Well, not even a cupcake. One of those mini cupcakes. Maybe you know, talk about the mini mini Reese's piece.

21:36The buttercup. Oh, my God. You can't even get one candle on it. Anyway, I've never had quite us with someone with a split penis, but from my understanding, talking to people, you can once the penis is erect, put it together and insert it. No, you got to probably stay with one side because it has to. It has to. Yeah, it has to. No, if it's a good body modification artist, they will split the year. No, double your rethrause. You get two streams when you pee. Yeah, you get, you get no streams. You basically pee like a girl. You'd have to sit down. Okay, for like your price. For sure. Because it would just go everywhere. You've got like your, your, your, your cutting the hose in half. You know what I mean? So there's no direction to not go right down the middle so that you still have your rethra and you pee off out of one and the other ones just for fun. You know, because like, hey, you go and you urinate and I'm going to get to work over here. The, the penises are talking to each other.

22:41Yeah. Okay. That's cool. Hey, buddy, I'm going over. I'm going to use the urinal. Why don't you go check her out? All right. But you know, you guys sit down to pee for a treat sometimes, right? So it's like you're just treating yourself all the time. No, I don't sit down as a treat. I don't know that. I mean, that's a sad life. If that's my big treat, I give myself. Let me go sit down to pee. I haven't been happy for eight years. No, I've never done that as a treat. No, I don't think men sit down to pee. Yeah, not typically. No, no, no, no. What's maybe not in the US, but in the UK, that's how they treat themselves. Wow. It's a national past time. Yeah. God save the queen plays. Every time you sit on that, it's off-leak. Take a treat. Sit down. That's so cool. You okay. You have suggestions that says here for Conan and Sona as to what we should have done. What would you have me do? What should I? What if I came in grace and I said to you, grace,

23:46what's your suggestion? What would you say? Well, because of the way you look, I feel like you have a bit of a Ken vibe, like Kendall vibe, you know, bit of a Ken and Barbie vibe. And Ken doesn't have any nipples. So I would say, why don't you just elevate your Kenness and remove your nipples? Okay. So just smooth. It's be smooth there. Can I remove? Can you remove nipples? Yeah, absolutely. It's best not really something that's done on women because you have a higher chance of getting mass-thitis. But with men, it's very easy. So okay, step one, both nipples go and I gift them to Matt and Sona. Once they're, of course, appropriately dried and achailed. Okay. What else? Let's go to town. I will have my belly button removed as well because if you're going to go Ken, you might as well go all the way. And what do I do with my Don Johnson down south? What would you have me, what would you have me do with that? Well, in my experience, the more

24:46conservative looking the man is from the outside, the more extreme. Yes, I'm a, I've got kinks. I've got major kinks. Exactly. So I think we go like full whole hog cock and ball torture, full penis split and then a trans grotto with a, what's a trans grotto? A kind of a male steel ring in it. Okay. Well, that's going to hold me up at the TSA. What is, what is a trans grotto? And that's the only downside I can see. Right. Sure. Did you remove your keys? I did. But I have two penises and I have a bicycle lock jammed through my scrotum. Yes. Could that be the problem, sir? Or instead of having a trans grotto so we can get rid of the metal, we could always insert an extra set of testicles into your scrotum. You know what? Extra set. That's being generous. I'd settle for a couple of babies. I'd take anything right now.

25:51She's a Christ. Oh, my God. So, so, so just so I'm clear, that would be a split penis. So, if two of those and then this, the mechanism, the apparatus goes through both testicles. Is that correct? So, no, what happens is your scrotum is like this, right? No, no, no, no. Okay. So, so go ahead. So, I'm sorry, I'm really trying to understand. So, the, what happens to the scrotum? Yes, I understand. And what? In my profession, you're little eggs to the side. Yep. One each, right? And then they cramp the skin and they basically drive a scalpel blade through the testicles and then you know, like the plugs that people have in their ears when they stretch the whole thing. It's essentially that. So, you can have like a big stretch hole going through your scrotum. But imagine like a big metal ring going like through it. I never imagined it. Yeah. I'm going to tell you, I'm going to tell you something. This whole time

26:56that you were describing that, I am gripping my hands together. I just noticed it so tightly that there's no blood in my, I'm literally this, this is what I'm doing. I'm gripping my hands together because when you say you shove the testicles to either side and then did you have the same reaction? Do you drive, you basically take out a black and decker drill and you go at the, is it the taint? Do we talk about the taint? No, it's the scrotum. I don't even have testicles and I was squirming when she was when when Grace was describing what happened. I don't think I can, I don't see the purpose of a split penis. I just don't. I, well, they're boring. I don't feel like, I feel like I'm also boring. Like I didn't know we could do this to our bodies. Okay. I think it's really cool that we can. No, no, a lot of this sounds really fascinating to me. I have no problem with it. I'm talking about me personally. So, if in your single days you got it on with the guy you met at the clubs because you, you know, you had a, you played it fast and lose. And okay. No, no, it's a very good, healthy, powering way. Yes. But it's time to get to town.

28:02The guy drops his pants and suddenly his penis goes, you know, one goes east, one goes west. Would you, would you freak out? I need you to one is going, pick me, pick me. Could we rubber band it and then just insert it together? Or do they, when they get direct? I think, I think Grace was saying it just naturally comes together when it gets erect. You know, I would not, I would want a series of clamps. I wouldn't insist on a series of clamps, rubber bands and the occasional use of Elmer's glue. I would, maybe a gasket. Yeah. But interestingly, before you answer that, let's make this a two-parter. So come back next time and we can talk more about this with Grace. Grace, Grace, you were the gift that keeps on giving. Do you mind staying on a little longer, Grace? Can you stay on a little longer, Grace? Is that all right? Of course. Yeah, absolutely. Here's the one she need me. Conan O'Brien needs a fan with Conan O'Brien, Sonan Mufcessian and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross and Nick Liyah.

29:04Incidental music by Jimmy Vivina. Take it away, Jimmy. Supervising producer Aaron Blair. Associate talent producer Jennifer samples. Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Get three free months of Sirius XM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com slash Conan. Please rate, review and subscribe to Conan O'Brien needs a fan wherever fine podcasts are done. This game time doesn't get much better. Now is the time to dive in.

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