The Hardline - Friday Fun with Silent Rage

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We gave everybody a homework assignment and this is an honor of one week ago today. We lost the late

the great, the Chuck Norris. And a movie that influenced 11-year-old Corby quite a bit

was a movie called Silent Rage, which was early on in the Chuck Norris portfolio.

Which I'd like to say I don't believe I'd ever heard of it until now.

It did very well at the box office for this type of film back in the day.

And for those who don't remember, I don't know who you pay attention to.

Probably it's just rotten tomatoes or word of mouth. But back in the day,

I think each and every one of us trusted one source for film.

And that was Cisco and Ebert. They were two writers from the Chicago Sun Times.

Did you guys watch this show?

Well, one was from the Tribune and one was from the Sun Times.

Yes, yes, yes, they were.

I forget which was which.

They were competitors. That's right.

But they did a 30-minute show. They reviewed movies every single week and

I mean, it could make or break a movie.

100 percent definitely watched it.

I mean, I was heavily influenced by those.

Somehow those two old dudes got kids to watch them.

Yeah, oh yeah.

That's a success story, right?

Absolutely.

Or was there just nothing else on?

Maybe that part of both.

But it was movies. They were talking movies.

Yeah, they always would have interesting conversation.

And they're pretty funny, but they were also kind of elitist, right?

Yeah.

And they wanted good movies.

So I'm going to let them describe silent rage, the Chuck Norris movie.

I can't wait for this.

Based in Texas.

They're going to destroy it, right?

Based in Texas and supposedly small town Texas.

So here's what the fellas had to say.

Our next film, Silent Rage is a sort of a dirty hairy meets Dr. Frankenstein

and the monster.

Chuck Norris stars as the dirty, hairy type pretty boy,

sheriff of a small town who does battle with an invincible monster.

As the film opens, the crazed maniac hacks his wife to death with an axe

and then goes after Chuck Norris, who's called in to arrest him.

What happens next is that Norris and his deputies nearly destroy the killer,

but some crazed doctors feed the creep an experimental pill

that not only keeps him alive, he gives him the ability to recover from any kind of wound.

In other words, this makes the guy into a walking, talking variation of that

indestructible killer who threatened everybody in Halloween.

Silent Rage is a close call for me because I admired some of the film's

leanness and directness and occasional bit of humor,

but all of the explicit mayhem in the film, the slashing, the knifeing.

That in Silent Rage really bothered me.

The film very clearly wants to wallow around and all of its head splitting

gore and I think it didn't need to do that.

So I can't recommend Silent Rage.

I think it's too bloody for its own good scenes.

I'm basically in agreement with you.

I think it's a bad movie, but with parts of a good movie trying to get out.

The first five minutes or so are terrific.

That one shot that lasts for a long time.

The shot that starts upstairs with a killer in the bedroom,

brings him downstairs onto the telephone, into the kitchen,

the woman screaming at her kids, he goes in the backyard, gets the axe.

I was thinking during that shot, this is going to be a terrific movie.

Okay.

Then it bogs down in all that ridiculous subplot involving Chuck Norris' romance

and her relationship with her brother and all of the dialogue between the doctors

and it's just not as lean and clean as we think it's going to be.

It doesn't turn out to be as good a film as it starts out to be.

So you don't like the movie?

That's right. You got it.

Very good.

Not.

Go ahead.

So they didn't rip it as much as I thought they would have because

That's disappointing.

Let me tell you something.

I love this movie as a kid and this is why you should never go back and revisit anything.

That's right.

That's the lesson here.

This might be a top five worst movie

I have ever seen in my life.

It is so horrible on every level.

Every level.

Yeah.

There's there's so much editing that could have been done.

And even even then it still wouldn't have been good.

The only edit that would have made sense is if you just take the entire film

and throw it in a dumpster.

That that would be the only edit.

So they describe it to perfection.

Small town, Texas.

Somehow this mental patient

goes on a killing spree and Chuck Norris is assigned to stop him.

He's also a patient of

what is called the institute.

I don't know if you guys picked up on that.

Right.

Yeah.

And so Ron Silver plays his psychiatrist.

The great Ron Silver.

Yeah.

But Ron Silver has a couple of other doctors that he works with

that have nefarious plans that Ron just can't get behind.

Yeah.

And this again, small town, Texas.

We're led to believe that this is a one-horse town

with like two restaurants, a bar.

And the dumbest police force in history.

Yeah, by the way, a bar that gets taken over by the local biker gang.

Did you recognize his partner?

Yes.

That is flounder.

From Animal House, Steven First, who plays his partner,

which I don't know if Steven First did anything else other than those two movies.

So anyway, in this small town, we're led to believe that Chuck Norris is the police chief

and flounder is his assistant.

That this institute has these experimental doctors

that are cooking up all sorts of things,

including shooting up our killer with what is basically eternal life.

Yeah, he's dead.

But they shoot him up with this serum that makes his body heal.

And then the experiment, when they bring Ron Silver in,

they take a scalpel and they cut open his chest.

And then its chest just heals itself immediately.

Yes.

So this is going on in a town of 1500.

This institute where the greatest discovery in the history of science would take place

in a town of 1500 people at the institute.

They could read his brain waves and knew that something was off about him.

Like whenever they were bringing him back, they were like,

I don't know if we should.

You can tell he's crazy.

These are the worst scientists of all time.

The subject that they choose to give eternal life and instant healing is a psychotic murderer.

An axe wielding family murdering who just chopped up his wife with an axe.

I'll tell you what, let's give him eternal life.

And then okay, okay, okay.

So by the way, this is such a piece of garbage.

The editing, here's the one part of editing that worked.

Chuck Norris, the star of the movie, I swear to God, he's got like 10 lines.

Barely speaks.

And when he does, it's really short.

There's no emotion like he is.

No, in fact, all he does is fight and bone.

Yeah, in fact, the good guy and the bad guy both have zero emotion at all.

Yeah, true.

The bad guy has nothing.

He's basically a mute.

It can't speak.

And there's not enough karate, man.

Okay, I've got so much to say.

Well, but you have the big karate scene against the biker gang when he takes on the entire gang.

He, yes.

What's the deal with the biker gang?

Okay, this is my problem with the point break movies of the world too.

What, excuse me, why did the bad guys have to be,

why do they have to eat Cheerios with beer?

They're clearly just so psychotic wild, man.

Yes.

Yeah, I, it's a great question.

Honestly, I'm not even positive what their point, what their role was in the movie.

What a karate scene.

And the most gratuitous, the most gratuitous thing in the whole biker bar scene is where the girl

with the tattoos on her boobs shows her boobs to flounder the deputy and he goes out to squeeze.

We have that audio.

So there's a rabid band of motorcycle gang.

They have no human sensibilities whatsoever.

They're there to cause chaos, wreck bars, rape women.

They've taken the bar owner or bartender and strung him up like he's connected to a news.

They're going to hang him at any moment.

Right.

And so here comes Steven first flounder who is the assistant police chief next to Chuck Norris.

Just so worthless.

And there here's this girl with huge jugs that walks up to him.

Nobody call a police, you must be a moron.

Use your head caught up, please.

Don't miss some sweet cheeks all day.

Sweet cheeks, it's so good to see you.

Excuse me.

Have you ever seen a pair like that?

I'm trying to take it good.

You.

Charlie.

So Chuck Norris is Charlie.

Yeah, don't grab her boobs.

Yes, please.

Can you not grab her boobs as we're going to fight the whole biker gang?

Yeah, try to remember your police officer.

He literally reaches out to grab her boobs with both hands.

And that was the exact range of every line that Chuck Norris delivered in the movie.

Yes, Charlie.

Charlie.

Even so the semi kind of rapy scene with his ex girlfriend,

she slaps him in the face when they see each other for the first time in five years.

Within three minutes, he's in bed with her.

Yeah, and he's in the car like doing all these creepy things to her.

And you're like, what's happening?

Yeah, two love scenes for Chuck in that movie.

Yeah, so full on.

Yeah, it's it was five minutes into the movie

that the dude had killed his wife with an axe.

And and we get the picture loud and clear that this is a psychopath who is very dangerous.

Like he's killing people with an axe in his own house.

And then after he's arrested, he breaks the handcuffs.

Yes, but what is he capable of?

So they show the scene in like three police cruisers all show up at the same time.

And it's that cliche scene where they're all coming from a different direction.

And all the noses of their vehicles sort of meet at the same spot.

And then they all pile out.

And of course, all the cops have cowboy hats on because we're in Texas.

And we have to establish we remain in Texas.

So when now we have like seven sheriffs or whatever, whatever they are.

You have to have a hat to be a sheriff, I think so.

But they're all there.

That means we've got a lot of cops to get this killer.

But only Chuck goes inside.

The rest of them appear to be just there to observe

whatever Chuck Norris pulls out of this house.

So the guy is in the upper window literally holding an axe.

And the cops do not say, you know what, we need numbers here.

We need some sort of cogent police force tactical plan to take down this crazy killer.

No, now Chuck just goes inside the house.

And he's literally just sort of looking around like I wonder where this guy is.

Yeah.

And I don't even think he has his gun drawn at first.

No, it's like Andy Griffith.

Like it's the weirdest procedural police manual on how not to handle a very dangerous man

that has lost it.

And the number of times in this movie where this immortal bad guy appears to die and then

Chuck just sort of turns around and and he doesn't realize that 43 other times the guy

springs back to life and pops up behind him.

But each time Chuck just turns his back.

Okay, what are we going to do now guys?

But even before he's immortal in that first scene,

he has some kind of like super strong chip badass.

It's incredible.

It's a chip badass.

All right, I've never seen a worse movie.

I'm Adam Devine, chief fundraiser for Children's Miracle Network.

We'll fund it up.

It'd better be fun.

Have you ever wondered how our network actually works?

Oh, I wonder no more.

With the support of partnering businesses and individual donors,

we help raise crucial funds for 170 children's hospitals across the United States and Canada.

Hospitals that provide life-changing care for all kids.

Visit us online at cmm.org.

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