0:00
Thank you, Rabbi. I understand there's a fundraiser going on. Why would listeners want to
0:08
donate to torch versus other organizations? So very, very good question, very valid question.
0:16
I want to tell you something like this, okay? Torch is here for one reason. Torches here to share
0:23
the word of Torah with the world. Any one of you listeners out there listening on a podcast,
0:28
listening in a video, last year alone, our videos grew, our video exposure grew 295%.
0:38
If I told you that there was an investment in the stock market that is going to grow 295%,
0:45
everyone would invest. I am telling you, my dear listeners, that last year, our YouTube videos
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alone grew 295% by our viewership. Our podcast, there are many podcasts that grew
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by well over 200% as well. This is a great investment. I really believe so. I really feel this
1:09
in my bones. I know myself that I keep a very meticulous log of all of our videos. Last year in
1:17
2025, we published 1,092 videos. I don't know about you, but I think that's a lot of videos.
1:27
To me, it's an exceptional privilege to be able to teach and learn Torah together with so
1:34
many amazing people, not only you here in the room and those of you on Zoom every day, but also
1:40
those listening on the podcasts and those of you watching live online or later online, a video on
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demand and we're on all these different platforms. It's all because we have a foundation here in
1:52
Houston, Texas, where we learn, teach from our torch center and share that Torah with the world.
2:00
That's just one component. We have the torch center. We have our torch media. We also have
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torch wood, which is a torch community with now 15 families, robust programming for the men,
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for the women, for the children, every Shabbos. There's over 100 people there for kiddish and for
2:19
dovening. It's unbelievable. We'll go on over there and then we have our newest young professional
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division, our unify. It's just unbelievable the things that are going on and what we're trying to do
2:31
is really open up for people one time a year where we ask everyone to invest in torch.
2:38
This is a time, get in on the ground floor because the midst of us that we're trying to do,
2:42
we cannot do without the support of the community. That's the honest truth. I don't say it as a
2:47
cliche, oh, we're partners that I really, we cannot do it. We can keep these lights on. We can't
2:53
record. We can't have these cameras. We can't do the broadcasting. We can't do any of this
2:58
without the support of our partners. And therefore, this one week that you have, you can go to give
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torch.net, give torch.net and contribute every dollar that you contribute is matched by donors.
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The entire week the campaign will be up till we reach our goal because this is our budget for
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the year. We do everything we can to not stop even a single program to raise money. We continue
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all of our classes will be on our Monday lunch and learn will be on our Monday night month
3:30
Mr. Mondays will be on our Tuesday morning classes will be on Tuesday night classes Wednesday and
3:35
everything is on because that's why we're here. We're here not to raise money. We're here to
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teach Dora. So if y'all would be so kind and generous and support us, we'll be able to end this
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campaign just like they did for the temple, right? What happened to temple? They said enough, enough
3:51
donations. I'm ready to do the same. Please help us, my dear friends, give torch.net, give torch.net.
4:00
Thank you, Mark. I appreciate your question. Now, I want to talk about giving to torch. Okay.
4:05
We are so blessed that God has given us, and it's not just for us, it's for the whole world. As a
4:12
matter of fact, our choice being chosen is to be a light to the nations, bring Torah to everyone.
4:20
Okay. They don't have to all do the commandments, but this is, as you have often said,
4:27
the owner's manual for living and for those of us who grew up at a time where a good Jewish
4:36
education was not available to us. Now, there was a little bit here, a little bit there. I am
4:43
so grateful that I get to come here four times a week. But more importantly, as a good friend of mine
4:51
once said, if you could learn everything from a video or a book, there would be no universities.
4:57
And here at torch, not only can you come and participate, but even if you can't come,
5:04
we take people on Zoom who ask questions. And I don't know any other organization
5:12
where you can't, you can actually participate in long distance with a rabbi. So studying torch
5:20
is like trying to eat an elephant. You do it one bite at a time. How do you learn Torah,
5:28
one bite at a time? And that's what you give to us. And for all of you out there,
5:33
not only is this invaluable, you couldn't put a dollar value on it. But in addition to that,
5:41
it's always free. And the only way it is always free is if you help provide the funds that we
5:50
need with the only ask once. You go to some places every single week. They pass the pot and try to
5:57
get money out of you. But here they wait once a year. They don't bother you. They don't send out a
6:05
give me, give me, give me once a year. That's all we ask give torch.net. All my friends are my friends
6:13
from class and my rabbis. They're my friends. That is my solicitation from y'all to please
6:22
contribute. Give torch.net. Thank you for letting me speak. Supporting torch is one of the best
6:29
things you could possibly do. It will change your life. Jewish, not Jewish. Being part of torch
6:34
will inspire you. We'll teach you life lessons and we'll give you all the tools you need to be
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successful in life, marriage, family, and all areas of your life. Support torch if you can. We thank
6:45
you very much. I know with confidence that the Almighty will succeed our way and we will raise all
6:51
the money we need to continue to operate. But I want you to be part of it. And if you can please,
6:58
whatever donation amount, the smallest, the largest, it doesn't make a difference. I want you as
7:03
a partner. If you can please go to give torch.net and donate so that you can be a partner in what
7:09
we're doing. I'd greatly appreciate it. And I hope you enjoy this episode.
7:17
You're listening to Rabbi Arya will be of torch in Houston, Texas. This is the Jewish Inspiration
7:24
Podcast. Welcome back my dear friends. Today, number 132 on page 7, 46 in the treasureful
7:31
life edition of the Orchid Sadikim, the ways of the righteous, in the gate of flattery.
7:36
The Yachani Fadal Ishto, a person should flatter his wife. A person should flatter his wife.
7:43
Mishum Shlom Bayet to preserve household harmony. Just this afternoon, we just recently started a
7:51
new lunch and learn in the gallery area. And we were talking about whether or not, why so many
7:58
relationships go awry. And I said because people don't know how to properly convey their appreciation,
8:07
their admiration. They don't know how to compliment. They don't know how to be genuine.
8:12
So the guy says, yeah, but what's if I need to compliment my wife, but I don't feel it. I said,
8:18
fake it till you make it. And today, look at that. Look at that. We open up today. Day number 132.
8:25
And the Orchid Sadikim says, you need to flatter your wife. Flatter your wife. Tell her how delicious
8:32
her cooking is and tell her how beautiful her dresses are and how incredible of a person she is.
8:40
And these are things that a person needs to do to preserve their relationship. It doesn't mean
8:46
you have to lie. That doesn't mean you have to lie. There's a dispute in the Talmud whether or not
8:53
one tells the bride, Kalanava, Khassouda, you tell her that she's beautiful or you say,
8:58
Kalakumay Shahi, you tell her, tell her the way it is. That's so what that's cruel. You tell her
9:04
the way it is. One says, okay, tell her that she's very beautiful. She's the bride, you tell her
9:08
she's so beautiful. What's if she's not? If she's not, or say just tell us, you're not looking
9:15
with the right pair of eyes. Every person's got beauty. Every person is refined in a different
9:22
area. Every person has something special and unique. If you can't find something good,
9:27
you're looking with the wrong pair of glasses. You need to be able to find. It's not that she's
9:32
so beautiful. You need to be able to see the beauty in another person. And that's, I believe
9:38
what we how we explain this right here in our chapter or flattery page 746. One should flatter
9:47
not don't lie, find the good, mean it, say it, to preserve household harmony.
10:03
You owe somebody money to your creditor. You can say nice things so that he doesn't
10:08
press you for the money to a teacher so that he teaches you Torah. He meets with Godola,
10:16
she could he? She'll give you the. He says, a rabbi should flatter his students. A rabbi should
10:28
flatter his students. So that they learn Torah from him and that they listen to his teachings
10:35
and they accept his reprimand and they observe the midst of us.
10:46
The guy in the midst says, any person that you can influence and teach them the right way to live
10:52
life, you should flatter them so that they connect them become close to you.
11:06
If you know, obviously to most people, if you come to them with anger, you say what you did
11:12
is terrible, right? Said, nobody's going to listen. But what happens if you tell them, you know,
11:18
you're such a fine person. I'm so impressed that you and then you, by the way, with your children,
11:23
this is the same. Okay. You have, I was still, I was giving a parenting class recently and I was
11:29
telling the parents, you see sometimes parents get so caught up in parenting, they forget to love
11:35
their children. And the truth is that we need to find a way to find the good in your child
11:44
that where they shine and put all the bright lights on it. Find the thing they're good at. I'll
11:50
tell you an amazing story. There was a student in a school that was doing miserable, miserably
11:59
in class. Every teacher would kick the student out, say, I can't handle them. It's like, I'm a
12:04
marquee, you know what I'm talking about, right? I'd say he just, he couldn't, nobody could handle
12:10
the students. Couldn't handle him. One teacher kicked them out, they moved them to the next parallel
12:17
class, the next teacher kicked them out. He was misbehaving in every class. Finally, the last of the
12:23
grade of the of the parallel classes, the most patient rabbi, the most patient teacher is at
12:31
Witzend. He says, go to the principal's office. I can't, I can't have this anymore. The principal
12:35
realized that this child probably needs a pick me up. He needs a boost. He needs, see he tells the
12:41
child, he says to him, sits him down nicely at the table. And he says to him, tell me, what are you
12:47
good at? He says nothing. He says, there has to be something that you're really good at.
12:54
He starts thinking, you know, maybe finally the kid, oh, I'm the best in my class and climbing
13:04
trees. I can climb the tree the fastest. Oh, that's really, that's really special. Okay, that's
13:11
that little light, shine a bright light on it. See, he says, what else is there something else?
13:18
They finally found a few things that this student was really unique at. They spent time together
13:26
figuring it out. So they wrote it down on a piece of paper. And he said to him, here's what I want
13:31
you to do. He says, tomorrow morning when you wake up, I want you to stand in front of the mirror
13:36
and repeat this list of all the things that you do better than anybody else in your class. I want
13:42
you to repeat it 20 times to yourself. Repeat it to yourself 20 times before you come to school.
13:50
And if you want to come to my office, you can do it with me here. All right, but these don't
13:55
forget that these are your skills. These are your talents. These are the things that you're really
13:59
really special. This is where you stand out. And what was and they never had an issue with that
14:04
student again, never had an issue with him again. What was the problem? Problem is that he was
14:10
overcrowded with everybody else. He never got the spotlight. Finally, someone took the time to
14:16
see the good. What he's really talented at climbing trees and put a spotlight on it. He felt good.
14:23
He felt valued. He felt that it was a game changer for him because he felt that he was worth
14:33
something. And the same is when we educate our children, we can knock our children all day long.
14:40
That's not going to build them. We find what they're good at. We find where their skills are,
14:45
we find where their talent is at. And you can build that child more than anything in the world
14:53
by focusing on their quality, focusing on their good. And that's that's the key.
14:58
The I'm Yovolovbekah. So if you come with anger, they're not going to listen.
15:01
El Bahanif was like Yikab al-Tochhartal. But when you come with the good and you shine the
15:07
positive light on their on their qualities, that's how they will accept.
15:12
Mids for Godola Hakhniflow, such a person is a Mids for the flatter them about their goodness.
15:21
The words of the wise spoken gently are heard.
15:32
Those who don't accept words of rebuke unless they are pleasant words, which I believe our
15:37
generation is that. Our generation, we used to be able to educate children with a stick,
15:42
not anymore. But you can't do that. Children need love. Children need to be built up.
15:48
It needs to be pleasant. The Yeh-Sh-Sharich-Geh-Ara, there are those sometimes that need a
15:54
little bit of a review, can I recommend? Shenemar-Tachh-S-Geh-Ara-Be-Mavien. The Yeh-S-Be-Malkos.
16:01
Shenemar-Uba-Malumos-Le-Gave-Ksi-Lim. The Yeh-Sh-A-Feel-Uba-Hakhos-La-Yau-Eel, and there are some
16:09
you can beat them, and that's not going to help. Shenemar-Mehakhos-Ksi-L-Me-A, my grandfather used to say
16:16
that there's a halacha that says that when your child is at a certain age, over the age of 13,
16:21
you're not allowed to hit them anymore. Sahalacha. There's written many hundreds of years ago.
16:26
Why? Because it's going to be putting a stumbling block before the blind. Why? Because he's going to hit
16:34
you back, and a child's not allowed to hit back the parent. What means going to hit me back? My
16:40
grandfather says today that age is three or under. No more hitting kids. In general, in our generation,
16:50
it's unacceptable whatsoever to raise a hand, to raise a hand on a child, absolutely not
16:56
any adult, raising a hand on a child, absolutely unacceptable, unacceptable whatsoever. Why? Because
17:01
it's not going to help the child. It's not going to help whatsoever. It's going to harm the child.
17:06
It's going to harm the relationship, and that child will rebel against their parent. And that
17:12
rebellion will be giving the hit back to the parents, which would be a prohibition of hitting your
17:20
parent. Shneremeh Hakos Ksilmeh. I'm Kain Manaselo. I'm Lotakona. Lot Garshayu. He says, but what do
17:28
you do if someone is not going to accept any form of reprimand? What's the remedy? He says,
17:35
you have to distance yourself from such a person. There's a different form of extreme evil,
17:43
extreme evil kind of flattery. He says, a form of flattery, which is evil and wicked, is when
18:03
someone tries to curry favor, build trust only to then later cheat that person. I'm sure we've
18:14
all heard stories where someone would be so reliable in their, so trustworthy in business,
18:22
till the time came and that's when they showed all of their trickery and they showed how deceitful
18:33
they were. Mezekh Inin Shneremeh, Ki Khinam Mizor al-Harashas, Harashas, and Eine Kol Baal Kanoff,
18:42
and Hamlet Dhamma Yaarovu, Yitzpinu Linaf Shosaam. Parashapasokahui says, this is the
18:50
explanation to that verse from Proverbs. Kiat Sayyadi, Sayyadim, Ophos, Zorkim, Khiti,
18:58
says, those who the trappers scatter kernels in the net, which the birds come to eat and they are
19:06
trapped. So it is with this type of flattery. They bring the kernels, they throw them in the net,
19:14
and then they catch them. Our sages for Bade flattery.
19:28
Etslo, Yodash Eina Ochel, vechainim, Adam Rothsel-Eftar Chauvis, Yain Limkor,
19:35
Wubach Averliknos, Yain Loyomerlo, and he Rothsel-Eftar Chauvis Avurkha,
19:40
ve Cholze, ve Kayyotse, Beze Nikr-Gnievastas. He says likewise, if one wishes to open a,
19:47
he gives a couple of examples here of forbidden flattery. One should not send his fellow man a gift
19:55
if he knows that he will not accept it. One should not call him to dine with him if he knows
19:59
that he will not do so. Likewise, if one wishes to open up a keg of wine in order to sell it and his
20:06
friend comes to buy wine, he should not tell him, I want to open this keg for you. All this and
20:13
everything like it is called stealing one's mind. It's called Gnievastas, stealing one's intellect.
20:20
Today we have laws of intellectual property, but the Talmud talks about this two thousand years ago
20:27
about stealing one's intellect. Beasur-Eftar Chauvis, Yain Limkor, Yain Limkor,
20:31
ve Cholze, ve Kayyotse, ve Kayyotse, ve Kayyotse, ve Kayyotse, ve Kayyotse. Imagine the following
20:36
scenario, this is one of my favorite stories about this topic. So, imagine you are waiting for a ride.
20:48
You're waiting for someone to come pick you up. You're out by the mall. Hot, hot day.
20:54
It's really uncomfortably hot. Your friend calls you and he says, I'm sorry, I'm stuck in traffic.
20:59
I'm going to be there in 15 minutes. So, you look around, you're like, oh, there's a nice jewelry
21:05
store right here. So, you walk into the jewelry store. You're not planning on buying anything.
21:10
You don't have the money to buy. You don't have the money to spend on it. You just want a
21:13
cool air conditioning to until your friend shows up. So, you walk in and they're, oh, they're
21:20
so excited. They have a customer. They come running over. Is that a way I can help you? Is
21:24
something you want to see? Like, no, just looking around. That is stealing one's intellect.
21:32
They think you're coming in because you want to look at their jewelry. Miro, you're coming in
21:36
for a totally different purpose. So, what does someone need to do in order not to steal? You say,
21:42
listen, actually, I was going to be waiting outside. It's very hot. I was wondering, would it be okay
21:47
if I stood inside? If they say, I'm sorry, it's for customers only. People do that with the
21:53
restrooms sometimes. It's only for customers. That's understandable because they, whatever
21:59
expense may be involved with that, they want it to be reserved for their customers. That's understandable.
22:05
But they may not want you to be using their air conditioning. Even though you can come with a
22:09
claim and say, well, what are you? What do you care? It doesn't cost you more money for me to
22:12
enjoy the air conditioning and not be hot outside. That's a different argument and that could be
22:18
that could be litigated privately. But the idea here is that you don't want to trick someone.
22:24
It's trickery. It's a form of trickery. I really want the air conditioning. You think I'm a client.
22:30
You get all excited. Oh, I'm going to make a sale. I'm going to get my commission finally.
22:34
And really, you never even had any intention of buying anything.
22:48
From the day that the fist of flattery grew strong, laws were perverted.
22:55
Deeds were rendered defective and one could say to his fellow man, my deeds are greater than yours.
23:04
And no one could say to his fellow man, my deeds are greater than yours.
23:14
To which you have a laws, I'm wherever laws are, call Adam, she age,
23:17
Bachanufa, Mavi, Af, Laolem. Anyone who has flattery within him brings wrath to the world as
23:24
the verse states. And additionally, his prayer,
23:33
his prayers are not heard. His prayers are not heard.
23:36
Why should never lay you shav'u, ki ashram.
23:41
Vafilu, ubaram, ubarim, shabim, aimam, Mikalkalam, Oso,
23:49
Vunofa began and he says it really caused terrible things for one who is not honest.
23:58
I want to tell you something about flattery. Any lawyers here in the group?
24:03
So, okay, so I have a bunch of friends who are lawyers and they're all very, very good people.
24:09
And one day I was on the phone with a friend of mine, he says,
24:12
oh, I got to go because I have a lunch with a judge,
24:19
like a lunch with a judge. That to me doesn't sound right, right?
24:23
Why would a lawyer who represents clients who are either guilty, innocent,
24:29
you know, on one side of a case, the other side of a case,
24:32
and he's sitting with the judge that's going to be hearing those cases.
24:36
To me, it seems like a form of flattery. I'll take the judge out,
24:40
then I can sign up clients and get the cases dismissed because the judge is my friend.
24:45
That's a form of flattery. Unfortunately, it's something which happens every single day.
24:51
It happens in the world of law where the judge and the lawyers are best friends.
24:57
They guard for dinner together. They guard for lunch together. They guard for breakfast together.
25:02
Right? So how do you know that the laws are being adjudicated appropriately?
25:09
Okay. So this is a flattery is repulsive. And this is what the author here is impressing upon us,
25:17
the repulsiveness of flattery. And finally, to finish off day number one,
25:22
three, two, lachhain, yisrakhik, ademinachho khunufa, therefore one should remove himself completely
25:27
from flattery and not flatter someone to validate him in his evil, even if he stands to gain many
25:35
favors from him. Now tell me, you're a good guy. You're a good guy. I like you. You're a nice guy.
25:40
After all, you know, I don't know why people give you our time. That's flattery and that's not
25:44
good. Lawyachhain, lawyachhain, lawyachhik, birisho, even if he's going to give you a job now,
25:50
now he's going to help me. He's going to support my institution. He's going to do this. He's going to
25:54
do that. A person should not flatter someone who's wicked. Lawyachhain, lawyachhain,
26:06
and the proper path, don't piss up to them. Don't flatter them.
26:24
They may get the wrong idea because people are flattering them.
26:28
They say, I'm not that bad after all, because if I was, they wouldn't talk to me.
26:32
They wouldn't say hello to me if I was such a bad guy.
26:35
The end of the Olamah, no ale pisrach anifus.
26:40
There's nothing that closes the doors of repentance more than flattery.
26:48
Flattery has a terrible, terrible impact on a person and on his life.
26:53
So this concludes day number one, thirty two.
26:57
You've been listening to Rabbi Arya, will be on a podcast produced by Torch.
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