Tom Is Home Here Now | Your Mom's House Ep. 850

And we're back. Welcome to another episode of your mom's house. Welcome back.

In the building. Back from Lileese. What do you think? Oh, you already got your

croissants. How much did you miss that flavored savor taste? Oh my god. I just got

in and first thing that day was come with Tuchibamba croissants. Of course. I

haven't even had them since I got back. Of course. They're so good. Look at your

faces like naked. I know. I'm sure the viewers are freaked out right now. I am. Well

people yeah they they remind me a lot of how much they don't like my face. They're

like grow your shit back. It's growing. It's growing. Does not feel good. Yeah when

people tell you they're like what's up with your face? Yeah you look stupid fucking

done. Man your your face is what's fucked up. No. No. Thanks. Can I tell you since you've

been gone though. I've really now have more of appreciation for YMH. Just because like

I love the shit that we play and do on the show like this world. I know. And like

it's two mommies one gene. It is. It's never one mommy in both the legs. Do you know what

I mean? It's always two mommies one pair. Right. And I'm glad you're back. I'm glad to be back.

I missed you. It's fun doing the show too. It's so fun. There's so much crazy shit happening.

It's fun to be in the studio. I know. Yeah. Hi guys. Hi Tom. What's up bro. How are you?

No time. Yeah. Missed you guys. Missed you too. Sorry. I came in so hot today. It's okay.

You did. You came in on a mission. You're like let's go. Well I was late. That's why I came in on

your tardy and you felt anxiety. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No other reason other than being late.

They put a big like giant and like neon signs above the studio. Just like let's go. Yeah.

Let's go. I'm like you didn't see there. Like what are you talking about? Let's go. I still

know what we're talking about. We're in the sun. They're so good. They're right outside of the studio.

Really? I did not. I did not. I was just like we got to go. Well,

now that we mentioned it, do you want to tell the audience? Because

sure. Yeah. I mean yeah over the past couple of weeks at home on nights I've been

learning circuitry and woodworking and so we've wanted to put studio signs above the studios for

the longest time and our studios are named studio FGT and studio RTD. Wow. There's a giant FGT

and RTD signs that's really both studios. Your jeans are so high and tight right now.

I'm so proud of you, man. Thank you. Don't say it. And I'm impressed. Thank you. I'm impressed.

Thank you. Yeah. It's been fun. That's very cool. It's such a great use of his time.

I like that he did it in his spare time too. That's what our side is going to be doing. Woodworking.

Oh. Yeah. Kids like his our kid, our kid not my kid is so into woodworking. Yeah. He's always like

I made this thing. It's so rare. What is it? He's like pencil sharpener. You can also use it

as a hammer. Which one like Minecraft? Ellis. Yeah. He used it as a building. Get him a circuitry

set. That's basically redstone. Shut the front door. What do I get that shit on Amazon? Yeah.

Yo. Just look up circuitry like starter set. Can I tell you? Oh, I'll get it. Can I tell you

what I did with these boys? We went glamping last weekend. Glamping. It's like camping but like

fancy. Why people say why people say yeah. And which I've never I've never been camping before

like that doesn't exist. Anyway, I bought them survival kits from Amazon. And I mean real ones

with like acts and acts and knife, a flint, a tent. Oh yeah. And they all they did was start fires.

That's all I saw was just videos of fires. With an axe, bro. It was the coolest thing ever.

And I couldn't feel prouder as like a Slavic mom like this is what little boys should do. And

then I watched them fucking love it. Watch the extraction show. Yeah. That's why we are in

a survival. Yeah. And then the guy was like couldn't make a fire and like they're like look at this

fucking chump. Can't even make a fire. It's guys are loser. I was like, yeah, it's good. It's so

hard to make a fire. Have you tried? No, I haven't. It's because you can get a spark, right? If you

have like an axe and then the flint, but you have to do it so rapidly that the sparks catch on

the tin. I watched so hard episode with them where if for this show that people don't know,

people are out in the wild wilderness. And then their friends and family are watching them.

And you all they'll kind of communicate about what the status of the person in the wilderness.

And they do these drops of like supply drops. So this one guy they're like man, he's hungry.

And everybody kind of agrees to let him get something good. Yeah. So they drop off a slab of meat

like a steak, a fat steak. That's for Woody. Did Woody get it? Yeah, yeah. So Woody's lazy piece of

shit. Well, this fucking guy gets a steak and he's hungry. He's really hungry. And it's like a

cast iron skillet with the steak. So he's like, well, I guess he had to try to make a fire.

You know, to cook the steak. And he tried to show him trying for like a minute. He's like,

fuck that. Can't make him make a fire. And then so then the guy watching remotely is like, well,

I've had beef carpaccio. You know, he'll just, I guess he's just gonna eat that shit raw. He's

starving. He's really hungry. And they cut to what he's like, I'm gonna throw the steak in the lake.

And he just walks down the lake and throws it in the lake. Woody. And everyone's like,

no, he's like, well, you know, fucking no fire. That's how some people operate. I guess I'm starving.

I guess I'll start a lot of people operate. Well, just so you know, so Woody in the first few

episodes, so you know when you're in the wilderness, you have to boil the water from the river

before you drink it. Sure. Otherwise, you get the rea violently else. So Woody and like episode

one's like, well, can't be able to fire. I'm sure I'm thirsty. And he goes to the river and he

just see him gulping like he drank like a gallon of this water. And of course, cut to him puking

violently. He's so sick. He just can't. Why couldn't he make a bigger effort to start that fire?

And he's law enforcement. He comes from like the law enforcement. I mean, he had handling. He had

all the thing. He was just like, don't, wow, that's just no fire. He just gave up immediately.

I know that's why I bought my children a seven and 10 year old survival kit. And I was like,

if these retards can't figure out how to do fire, they are retards. Lady. I go, there's no way.

There's no fucking way. Retard that these idiots, my children are smarter than these fucking retards.

They are fully retarded and are my seven year old can light a fire. And this

asks you. Can you believe that? Literally are two children. And you know what I did too?

What? I bought a solo stove for our backyard so that they can continue learning to light

and play with fire. Great. A couple little arsonists. Great idea. All right. Let's start the show.

You ready to do this? Here we go. Here you go. Everybody have a chipboard. A chipboard.

Here we are. I'm waiting for my business for a gift. I appreciate it for cash.

I'm $1,200,000, $3,000, $3,000 for food. I have a food. I'm in my chair.

Yeah, there's some reactions. There's something you have got to ask about.

And it was just a price. I'm pretty sure it was just a price.

That was just about for food. Stop.

I'm pretty sure it was just a price. You were Satan.

This is a big time.

Holy crap. Don't bring anyone in love with this.

No, Bob and the fuck is that?

Welcome to your mom's house.

With Tom Sivura, Tom Sivura.

And Kristina.

Welcome to your mom's house.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you're feeling it.

You look like Paul Sivura.

Here he is.

Remember? Everybody have a chipboard.

Yeah.

We're in Paul Sivura.

I appreciate it for cash.

I thought it sounded kind of hard for anyone.

You're the devil.

I can't believe it.

It was just a price.

He's like begging for food, Tom.

Food and money.

Yeah.

Food and money.

Have a good time.

And crash it up.

He's crazy.

Jesus Christ.

Yeah.

What, um, is he American or like, is he Irish?

No, he's Saudi.

Yeah, he's a fucking American.

Yeah.

Of course.

Hello.

Where?

Yeah.

No, he yeah.

He's American, but why can't we understand it?

Did he have a pro?

Because he's done things.

No, that's not just drug.

He's, well, maybe years of it.

Let's play it again.

I gotta study it.

All right.

Hey, everybody have a chipboard.

I have a chipboard.

A chipboard.

Have a chipboard.

Hey, everybody, I got a trick for you.

I got some shaleys and stuff.

I'm in trouble.

I'm waiting for my business trip for a griffin.

For?

The griffin business trip for my grandfather.

They got business trip for my grandfather.

I appreciate it for Cash App.

I appreciate Cash App.

Yeah.

Oh.

I'd cut a card for three wood.

Dollar sign, something.

No, and I can chop free wood.

Oh, I can chop.

Oh.

Cash App, I can chop free wood.

Yeah.

Huh.

Let me see.

Can a card for three wood?

Oh, for three wood.

Two, four, three wood.

There's a food I got.

I got a fork.

I got a forgot.

I got a forgot.

I have a food.

I'm in my chair.

Yeah.

This one actually is something I got plastic right here.

It was just a price.

Okay.

I have it.

It's just a price.

It's great.

Just to help for food.

It was a price.

I'll play it, man.

Play it, man.

He played.

I have cheese and it's cheddar.

He's telling you and he likes cheese.

At this point, who's Satan though?

Is it me or is it you?

No, it's you.

It's you because you brought it to attention.

I would laugh at this privately.

I might send this to you privately.

I don't know if I play this.

But see, that's why we're good people.

Because everyone is sending this shit to each other

and they're like, it's not okay to do this in public.

And what this show does is it lets you know,

do it in public.

You can laugh in public at the less.

Don't be shamed.

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Can I tell you what I saw on my walk yesterday in the park?

What?

Dude, I saw a guy in a wheelchair like an old guy

like his nurse was pushing him.

You laughed?

Well, here's the thing.

He was wearing a blanket even though it's like 80 degrees.

That's that elderly.

Yeah.

But dude, he had like crust on his face.

Like, why do old people get car bunkers?

Car bunkers?

You know what I'm saying?

Like this shit that's on ships.

It was barnacles.

Barnacles.

Barnacles.

Well, what's a car bunker?

Something you made up.

It's a better word.

I like car bunkers.

I mean, this guy's probably looking to get a car bunker

if you ask him.

Hey, man, I can't send you to cash app right now.

You're right.

Oh, my god.

You're right.

How did I know that?

How did you know that?

I don't think so.

That's crazy.

Well, a car bunker is a painful, deep-seated cluster

of infected hair.

How the fuck did you know that?

I don't know.

I don't.

I channeled it from Jesus.

I have no idea.

Come on the back, necrotize, because red swollen lumps

fever and fatigue.

Treatment comes with warm compresses

antibiotics, sometimes surgical drainage.

Filled with pus.

But like, why don't they scrape that shit off of their faces?

Why don't they take the barnacles off the faces of all people?

You know why?

You know why?

Why?

You know you're about, it's about over.

So you just go, just let it go.

I don't care anymore.

Can I make you a promise as your spouse?

I won't let your face get crusty.

Carbuncles?

The more that those carbuncles want.

Thank you.

Now you promise me.

Hello.

What?

No, now you say, I love you too.

I will scrape the carbuncles off of your face.

I haven't had a croissant like this.

God damn you.

In so long, so delicious.

It's delicious.

Doesn't love me.

I love you so much.

Thank you so much.

Doesn't love me at all.

You're not sad.

I'm the dog and he's the cat.

I love you.

So I love you.

Good.

So good.

So I go to the way for a motorcycle and job hard.

And you and your job people are with me.

If we are, uh, we can't do it, uh, or, uh, or amounts to, uh, this is, uh, I talk to

the manager.

She said, don't do that.

It's not him.

If you want me to trust him.

I did understand that he talked to the manager.

And I think she accused him of trespassing.

Is that, is that right?

Why do I love this shit so much?

Because it's fun to try to decipher things in your native tongue.

Well, the Kalarni drunk was harder in a way, but then now I'm thinking this guy is more

difficult because it's our, like you said, it's American.

This is American.

Yeah.

And I still can't understand this.

But he did say the manager accused him of trespassing, right?

Is that what he said at the end?

Anybody?

No?

I talked to the manager.

She said, don't do that.

Is that him?

And you want me to trust him.

You trust passing?

Yeah.

Don't do that.

You're going to be trespassing.

The manager said, yes, or I said, no, I'm not.

Yeah.

It's a really interesting.

I think he was, she, he was probably passing those out.

And the manager was like, you better fucking not.

Oh, because he's probably in the guy, as he passing out God's stuff.

Maybe God's stuff had a business.

The manager was like, no, no, no, no.

Mm-hmm.

You cannot be in here doing that.

I hate.

And I tell you what I hate the most on man besides carbon coals on your face.

What?

Is when their mouths get all crusty like that?

And all.

You like it on women?

Women tend not to have this issue.

Oh, because they take care of their lips before they end their faces.

What is that foam in the corner?

Maybe you live on the street.

You can wipe your mouth on your sleeve.

Jesus, you know, but it's not a pro.

You think he has mirrors?

You think he's-

No, but you can feel when your face is all-

I don't think you can feel his face.

I think his face is doing its own thing.

Okay?

Jesus.

Come on with you.

Here, let's make something with cleanse our palate real quick.

That was good for me.

I don't need it.

Three cheers for whole milk.

Ugh.

Ugh.

Good stuff.

That's a real-

That's a real ad.

I love it.

I love this.

Is there a weirder thing that is genuine that has been released?

I love it so much.

There's Ben Carson just being like drink milk.

And then he's like,

It has-

Have you seen the We're On It campaign from the lady that just got fired from the Trump

administration?

Chrissy Known?

Yeah.

She was the prime leader of South Dakota at one point.

Look this up.

The prime leader.

It's a prime supreme minister.

Are you talking about governor?

I kind of have heard these.

Who cares?

It's the same shit different, darling.

Okay.

Look at her.

So they had a meth problem in South Dakota.

Hold on.

Press pause.

Let me set this up.

So they had a meth problem in South Dakota.

Shout out to Brian Simpson for showing me this last night, by the way.

Okay.

So she decided to start a campaign.

She spent millions of dollars.

And the slogan-

Fighting meth.

The slogan is,

meth.

We're on it.

I swear to God.

This is real.

Go ahead.

I'm on meth.

I'm on meth.

I'm on meth.

I'm on it too.

So am I.

So am I.

I'm on meth.

meth is not someone else's problem.

It's everyone in South Dakota's problem.

And we need everyone to get on it.

I'm on it.

I'm on it too.

We're on it.

Is that the stupidest thing you've ever seen?

You think anyone told them what that meant?

Like as they were doing this?

No.

Hey, it sounds like you're saying you're on it.

Yeah.

Yeah, we are.

We're on top of it.

Yeah.

We're on top of it.

That's what it means.

We're to take a care of it.

Yeah, that's perfect.

Isn't that amazing?

Yeah, that's perfect.

Just like that.

But this is how stupid we are.

This is the way.

Three cheers for a whole milk.

It's real.

This is what we are doing now.

Good stuff.

It's the process.

It's like a good stuff.

Eric and Tim, awesome show.

Yeah, it totally is.

Yeah.

And you can hear him go.

Oh, that's the worst.

Like they didn't mix that out of it.

They're like, let me hear it again.

It's so strange.

It's disgusting.

Cheers for a whole milk.

Listen.

And then he gets the mustache.

Good stuff.

See?

Good stuff.

Good stuff.

Yeah, it's like a joke.

Good stuff.

Yeah, it's going to be on seminary.

It's totally.

This is horrible.

Well, it certainly makes people want milk.

Who is this man?

Dr. Ben Carson.

Didn't he run for president at one point?

Yeah, he did.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

Well, he does have it.

I guess it's good.

Yeah.

Taste like mucus, though, milk.

Doesn't it taste like roses?

Yeah.

I hate drinking milk.

Taste like shit.

Yeah.

Taste like fucking...

Yeah.

Doesn't it just taste like a cup of hot porkers?

I never like milk.

I never like milk.

Never.

Not even as a kid.

No.

I don't know why are they telling us to drink cups of fat?

I guess if you're...

If you're a...

Malnurished?

Yeah.

It is...

Maybe from meth?

Drink the milk to solve your death.

You got meth?

Drink milk.

We're on it.

We're on it.

We're on it.

We're on it.

We're on it.

We're on it.

We're on it.

We're on it.

We're on it.

We're on it.

We're on it.

We're on it.

Yeah.

That's pretty great.

Trump.

I've faced every cognitive test because I drink milk.

Jesus Christ.

It's so insane.

This world is just...

Oliocracy.

Remember that?

My judge movie?

Of course.

That was prophetic.

That was...

How about this?

Go ahead.

This is such...

Such a disappointment.

The squatting potty creator is a chomo.

No!

Can you believe that?

I hate that.

Robert Edwards.

The 50-year-old entrepreneur from Ivan's Utah.

Original co-founder of the squatting potty.

Federally indicted on a...

A allegedly receiving child abuse material.

Great.

Great.

Yeah.

It's really nice.

And I wonder how squatting potty owners feel at this point.

I'm against it.

There he is.

There he is.

There he is squatting potty.

Man.

Yeah.

That weird face.

Yeah, man.

Oh, the stash.

Woof.

I got to tell you.

Nothing is less attractive than a man sitting on a squatting potty.

Oh, you don't like that?

I find it to be so demeaning and diminishing.

Do you see a lot of men on the squatting potty?

No.

Rob Eilert confessed to having one in his home and that when a girl comes over, he doesn't

move the squatting potty away from the toilet.

Like, if you had a lady coming over.

You'd move your squatting potty.

Wouldn't you be ashamed of it?

Yeah.

I'd move a lot of toilet stuff.

Yeah.

You try to be like, I don't even use a toilet.

Of course.

But you know what I mean?

The easiest part about that was that he said he washes it in the shower.

What?

In the shower.

Rob does.

Yes.

He washes.

He cleans the squatting potty in the shower.

Why do you clean the squatting potty?

If he has company coming over.

If a lady's coming over, he doesn't get rid of the squatting potty.

He puts it in the shower, cleans it off, and then puts it back so that it looks clean.

Well, how dirty, you don't shit on the actual squatting potty.

No, but you put your feet on there.

Look, this dirt bag has a shoes on in the house, which is fucking disgusting, in my opinion.

Do black people wear shoes in their house?

What?

What?

Some cultures take their shoes off.

Is that a black thing?

I mean, if you got carpet, probably not.

I don't know what kind of question.

Because I just want to know culturally.

Do you think about Asians and stuff?

I'm just saying different.

No.

No, because Asians famously remember.

Asians take their shoes off.

Eastern Europeans take their shoes off.

Do Latins take their shoes off?

You just wear your filthy shoes, like, trash, shit everywhere.

I feel like just clean niggas fucking don't have shoes on.

That's what I was going to say.

It's not about work.

You're just a dirty motherfucker if you got shoes in the house.

You shouldn't be tracking your shit through the house.

Do you got shoes on in the house, Christian?

Never.

Okay, well, there you go.

Hungarians have puppets.

You put on your slippers when you're in the house.

You take off all your clothes, actually.

Change into home clothes so you don't bring in the filth in.

Yeah, outside clothes are good.

It's disgusting.

But some people, dirty Americans, I'm telling you.

Yeah, walk all over.

Zola, did your family take shoes off in the house?

Definitely not.

You walked around?

Yeah.

Ugh.

Yeah.

Oh.

Right, thank you.

Oh, man.

Thank you.

How come you don't feel repulsed by this?

I mean, I'm just by what though?

Wearing shoes in your own home?

I don't like it.

I don't like it.

Oh, okay.

I don't like wearing it.

Did the saguras wear shoes?

I'm trying to remember if it was emphasized that much.

I feel like there were shoes in the house a lot.

Yeah.

I feel like there were.

Then you, then Latins are dirty.

I don't know if that.

Proveans are dirty.

I don't know if that speaks for all that.

Yes, it's culture.

Here's the thing.

Here's the thing.

Yeah, but I don't know.

Look it up.

What look up Latin America shoes now?

Well, I feel like there's definitely an era thing too.

Like an era thing?

An era.

Oh.

Like.

Arabs too.

They take their shoes off.

No, Arabs are clean.

Very clean.

Yeah, because I feel like a long time ago.

I mean, we didn't even know what the fuck germs were like.

Whatever.

Back then.

You know what?

We slept on dirt.

I mean, most of Latin America people keep their shoes on inside the house.

But here's the thing.

Here's the thing that this is not pointing out.

Most Latin American households have.

Hardwood.

Mates.

Whoops.

Whoops.

Okay.

You have a little emplier who's right behind you.

What is she called?

Emplier.

Aww.

That was cute.

So you go, oh, I track stuff.

And they're like, you're so gay.

Clean right behind you.

Yeah.

Damn.

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Okay, scroll down a little bit.

Let's see.

Yeah, you're right.

Because in Eastern Europe, you don't have a fucking maid.

You're the maid.

Maybe that's why.

And here's the thing.

See how it says Caribbean Latin countries.

Those are like beach cultures.

So it's usually like people are wearing flip flops and they're barefoot a lot.

Yeah.

They're all primitive.

Same thing with Brazil.

Brazil.

But most people switch to house sandals it says.

Yeah, house sandals.

Yeah.

House sandals.

Oh, yeah.

What about the other way around?

Like if you go out on your patio or balcony or whatever,

do you ever just barefoot it?

Sometimes.

Yeah.

But I do have a pair.

I have outdoor shoes that I prefer to put on.

Yeah, you got it.

Yeah.

Like I have a pair of like crocs.

They're disgusting, but I'll keep them by the door.

I feel like it's just as gross to do barefoot outside.

Yeah.

Because it's the same shit.

Because you're tracking it there.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's tracking the bullshit.

Yeah.

You don't want to track that bullshit.

You don't want to track that bullshit.

Can I please talk about something I'm so excited about?

Please.

The the boys and I have been going to the park and feeding the squirrels.

It's insane.

Yeah.

We bring whole nuts, not with salted, whole other healthy nuts.

Okay.

Anyway, one of our kids, Ellis, fucking patiently just holds his hand out and up comes a squirrel

and eats out of our son's hand.

It's crazy.

I was like, this is a dream come true.

This is fucking insane.

So then he does it a couple times.

I'm like, I got to try this.

So I put the nut in my hand.

I do the same thing as him.

The squirrel comes up on the side of me.

I think he mistakes my thumb for the nut and he bites my thumb.

Now I have a freak out and I'm like, ah, and I'm like, oh, fuck, I have a squirrel bite.

I got to go get a rabie shot.

That little fucker was deep and you know what it felt like?

Like a knife, like a regular butter knife, like the teeth of it on your thing.

Anyway, I don't need a rabie shot.

It turns out the squirrels here don't have rabies.

That's good.

I mean, have you ever been bitten by a fucking park squirrel?

Never.

Have you ever heard of anybody feeding a fucking squirrel?

What a life experience.

I know.

It's so cool.

I was really happy about this for days.

So Ellis and I and Julie, we've been going to the park every day.

He is a little animal whisperer of that guy.

I know.

I know.

But we managed to go back.

So here's another part of this.

So we go back every day around the same time.

And lo and behold, a squirrel comes up and Ellis is able to feed it with his hand.

Wow.

And I got to do it successfully without getting bitten.

Wow.

Okay.

So now the real question is, is this the same squirrel that we keep feeding?

Or a different variety of squirrels?

Yeah.

So here's what we're going to do.

We're going to spray paint the tail.

What?

With safe.

We're going to mark it.

With safe.

Saves.

With safe spray paint.

With squirrel paint.

With like hair paint.

For animals.

Yeah, they have hair dye for animals.

Okay.

We're going to spray and tag it very little minimally.

Tag it.

Yeah.

To mark it.

And then we're going to see if we call them Henry.

Uh-huh.

And what would you learn by doing this?

To see if we're be friending one squirrel if it's really Henry.

Or that my son has magical superpowers and can communicate with multiple squirrels.

With multiple squirrels.

Which is fucking crazy.

Like have you ever known somebody that can just go to a park and hand feed squirrels?

I have not.

It's crazy.

It's never happened.

No.

Yeah.

So anyway, there's that.

And then I have an animal update too about sweetie.

Uh-uh.

Last episode.

I divulged that I-

I faked the death of our son's hamsters or kids hamsters.

Because while the animal was actively dying,

I didn't want to take them through the trauma of active dying of a hamster.

And then a lot of fucking idiots on my comments were like,

Oh, it could be hibernating.

I mean, just killed it.

No, you fucking dummies.

I know what a hibernating animal looks like.

It wasn't hibernating.

It's fucking eyeball fell out.

It was rotting.

And it died.

It's dead.

We put it in hamster hospice.

And lovingly ushered it to the other side.

So sweetie is no longer with us.

Eyeball fell out?

It fucking fell out.

But you're being real?

No, I swear.

So sweetie, I did put in like a hamster hospice situation.

Like I gave it to a friend.

Like you suggested.

And I was like, how sweetie doing?

And she goes, well, as eyeball fell out the other day.

And I was like, what?

What?

Yeah.

How does an eyeball just fall out?

Because you're rotting.

You're actively rotting and dying.

Yeah.

Rotting people don't have their eyeballs just fall out.

I think they do.

What do you mean you think they do?

I think they do.

I think your fucking shit falls apart when you're rotting.

You're decaying.

You know of people whose eyes fell out as they were aging.

Well, it's to Google it.

No.

Yeah.

Your body decomposes.

Get out of here, dude.

He was dying.

Okay.

So she's dead.

God took her.

She's on the other fucking side.

I didn't have to bang her head against the brick wall.

No, your eyeballs do not fall out when someone is dying.

That's for people you dummy could do hamsters.

How about hamsters?

No, hamsters eyeballs do not fall out when they are dying either.

Well, it did.

Sweeties, eyeball fell out.

What am I supposed to tell you?

It's truth.

You think I'm fucking making that up.

Do you know how fucking horrifying that is?

That's why I didn't want our kids to watch the hamster die.

Because you knew its eyeball was going to fall out.

I didn't know it was going to fall out, but I was thinking it's pretty gruesome.

Let's shelter the boys from a dying hamster.

You're a psycho, dude.

What would you have done?

You take it to the vet and have a vet charge you $500 to tell you the fucking thing is dying.

No way.

Okay, dude.

All right.

There's no fucking way saving a hamster.

Get fucked.

You're so crazy.

Hamsters suck.

I'll never buy another hamster.

They don't love you.

I'll fuck about you.

Okay.

They're like the elderly.

They just fucking suck up resources.

I had a trembling breath moan in between every sound she couldn't hold back.

I leaned close and whispered.

You good, baby?

I'm a puke.

Yes, daddy.

She breathed out.

I hate the daddy.

Her lips brushed my neck.

Hand covering her mouth only makes her moan sound louder.

If you understand what I'm saying and you follow me this far, drop David in the comments.

And hit that like, say, share and subscribe, but.

What does he have behind him?

Is that fishing tackle?

I think those are nipple clamps and some, you know, masks and ballgags and things.

Tom's you his tongue after it.

You don't like that?

I like that he was reading too.

Oh, was he?

For sure.

That was not off the dome.

He did.

Yeah, that was like he was reading.

Daddy, she breathed out.

Daddy, she breathed out.

Her lips brushed my neck.

Look at his eyes.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Her lips brushed my neck.

Like, no one talks like that.

He's reading.

Covering her mouth only makes her moan sound louder.

I can't.

What?

I hate it.

What?

This is like zane.

Remember that pornography?

Yeah.

Like the black pornography author.

And he's he's greased up.

He's so looted.

I mean, I think his body looks really nice.

Yeah.

How old do you think he is?

He's probably in I would say somewhere in his fifties.

So I think he does have the sexual experience.

I mean, you're always encouraging me.

Yeah.

Be like, what if you this guy wouldn't?

I mean, I think he'd have you trembling.

I do.

I believe him.

I believe him too.

Yeah.

You know what?

Give it a shot.

Are you letting me cheat with this guy?

Absolutely.

Definitely.

I don't know.

David Parker.

There you go.

David Parker.

He says comment David in my post.

Comment.

Comment.

They always tell you to comment stupid things like that.

He likes to share.

Yeah.

See, you didn't have to give me 60 seconds in this thing, man.

Give me 60 seconds.

I make you come so hard.

You'll never want to touch yourself again.

Because you will be begging me for more.

Oh, the tongue.

Give me.

The tongue.

The tongue.

Can I tell you something?

How do you not done the tongue?

Yeah.

I might have been like, all right.

I'm in.

I'm buying.

Really?

The tongue was too far.

It broke.

Would you give him 60 seconds?

Yeah.

60 seconds.

He can't do fucking shit to me.

I'm old.

He's claiming he can.

You know what my favorite part about that is?

Is that you could make the argument with someone where you're like, you can't do shit

like I'm telling you, 60 seconds is all I need.

And then you go, okay.

And you give him 60 seconds.

And nothing happens.

And he's like, well, that's cool.

I still got to fuck you for 60 seconds.

It's a win win.

And you're like, oh, yeah, I guess you did.

And he's like, yeah, anyway.

Yeah.

See you later.

Sing it later, dummy.

That's true.

I guess he wins either way.

He wins for sure.

Smart.

It's a good racket.

It totally is.

It totally is.

You just figure out his whole name.

And you're like, there's nothing will happen in a minute.

He's like, you'll see.

He can come in a minute.

Yeah, for sure.

That's what he's trying to tell you.

And then in a minute, he's like, oh, what the fuck?

And he's like, I guess it just didn't work that time.

He's like, what I'm trying to say is I can come in 60 seconds.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, I also apparently, like even in his bio, it says, David's daily wisdom.

Uplifting messages from David to inspire your soul.

Strengthen your spirit and remind you that every day's a chance to grow.

Which is definitely nothing like what he just saw.

But I think he did start that way.

Because I've seen comments where people go like,

what's happening?

What happened to inspiring people?

Oh, that's because that is the racket.

Like three life lessons.

Yeah.

Like, what's that?

Yeah.

Once you learn these three life lessons, you will never be the same.

One.

One.

As long as you're alive, no obstacle is permanent.

I mean, while you breathe, you can adapt, rebuild, and overcome.

Okay.

Two.

Your struggles are part of your story.

The pain you carry becomes the wisdom you share.

I mean, these are like, okay, you can put it.

Come on.

But like, that's what he was posting.

And then all of a sudden, one day, he was like, you want to come?

Yeah.

You know why?

But because this is what we always talk about with dudes is that this was his way of getting laid.

At first.

Right.

And he was hiding it.

There was a disguise.

What probably happened is he ended up.

He's got like a good amount of followers.

Yeah.

He probably hooked up with one was like, oh shit.

I got to put this out there.

Yeah.

Yeah.

When does it turn?

Can we see the first?

Yeah, 164,000 followers.

Let's see the first horny post and see like, what was going on right?

See, see, first it starts with the outfit.

Look, it's the shirt open with a greasy chest.

Yeah.

Choose freedom over comfort.

So he realizes, oh, the girls like to see me.

Uh-huh.

What is the bent now?

It's slow.

Oh, look at do this to your woman.

That's pretty wild.

Okay, let's see.

Let's see.

What everybody, what just happened to me?

My woman came home from the gym looking sweaty and sexy.

And I grabbed her and I picked up and I put her on the beat.

And I told her to hold your knees against your chest.

Okay.

And I started eating her like a savage and fingering her at the same time.

Yeah.

Jesus, this is scary.

But I'm clear to listen to what she's about.

And she started exploding from the overstimulation.

Oh, okay.

And I came up slow.

And I kissed her.

And it tastes so, so sweet.

I'm going to fucking throw up with this guy.

Don't share this with him.

Oh, then there's the big tongue.

I want to.

I think we found the moment it changed.

Yeah.

We eat her like she's your last meal.

It's like, hey, man, what about overcoming obstacles?

Yeah.

I thought we were doing life challenges.

Yeah.

He's like, that's just born.

Yeah.

Is that the first one?

Words of wisdom.

Words of wisdom.

Words of wisdom.

I want to ask everybody out there quick.

Have you ever wondered why couples lose sexual attraction over time?

It's not always cheating.

It's not always boring.

Psychology says attraction fades when mystery disappears.

He's reading again.

He just Googled something and reads it to you.

Uncertainty.

Okay.

So it seems like he got into that wane with this one.

And then that was his first.

And then he was like, I ate a sweaty gym pussy today.

Wow.

Well, it's such a drastic change.

Such a drastic change.

So cool, man.

Well, we look forward to more wisdom.

Please keep posting short lists.

And oily.

I feel ill now.

Why did you?

I was so happy about the score.

Look at his tank top.

What is this sexy tank top he's wearing?

I crave giving you the kind of pressure that makes your back arch without thinking.

Your face burns into a pillow.

Breath heavy.

Part race.

I have one hand tank of tighten in your hair.

God in you.

Brown in you.

Look at the firm on your hips.

Press mute.

He says, I followed you for the wisdom, not the freakology.

And then is everything okay?

You used to give good advice.

I'm out, bro.

People are like, what's going on?

Oh, my God.

I have no idea what I did to get here.

Oh, the fish net tank.

Yeah.

The tank is killing me.

I thought it was a onesie.

Or is it a leotard?

Yeah.

This is a.

That's a fucking horrendous.

He really made a leap, dude.

I can't.

Please.

This makes me feel so sick inside.

Okay.

Can I plug my fucking tour dates or something?

Sure, man.

You making me feel gross.

I was so happy.

Yeah.

Go ahead, man.

Go back to LA.

Jesus.

All right.

Here's what I'm doing, guys.

I'm going to do a small show in the red room at Cap City, April 9th.

Just one little tiny show.

And then I'm going to do the punchline in Irving, which is Fallis.

Fallis, Texas, April 24th and 25th.

And then I'm going to go to Denver to do what club?

Comedy works.

Yes, it does.

Comedy and prayer.

That's right.

May 14th through 16th.

And then one, you know, two nights in Chicago at the Denver Theatre in September.

By your tickets now, Christina P.

That's a really fun place.

I've done that.

You have?

Yeah.

The den's awesome.

Is it like in the round?

Yeah.

Kind of like half round.

Yeah.

It's very cool.

That's really neat.

Yeah.

See, it's like circular stage there.

Yeah.

Um, the material I'm doing, you know, because I, I feel like I've had a total life change since I almost died from cancer.

Same with Invisalign, yeah.

Same.

Have my tits cut off and put, it's like, it's trauma really makes you better, you know?

I know.

These teeth had to go back.

Do you feel like that?

I do feel like that a lot.

Did your jaw really align?

Like, are you fixed now?

Not completely.

But yeah, it's definitely been a huge change for me too.

I don't think you should hijack change in life so much.

Okay.

Also, Shouts.

Oh, by my lipstick, I've got the perfect for the liquid lipstick that is just fucking insane and fun.

Um, yeah, on my website.

And then also, Shouts out to Juliet Lewis for sending me this t-shirt.

She did a collab with Wild Fang.

That's cool.

It's an outfit.

She sent me.

That's right.

She's wearing the Rocky Horror picture show in judo titties.

I will be going there to see it.

That's awesome.

Yeah, I can't wait to see it.

She's awesome.

She's great.

Oh, a Chichababa update.

Oh.

We have the fairground location.

We have a little location now.

101 West Sixth Street.

So if you're downtown in Austin, you can go to that one.

It's like a little walk-up location.

And then the main one on Lamar opens in May.

So you'll be, at least for some time, there'll be three spots you can get them at.

Yeah.

We, oh my god.

We're always walking by the one on Lamar.

We always peek in there.

The boys and I.

Yeah, it's going to be awesome.

It's so good.

I can't eat this during the show.

I know.

It's tough to resist.

Talk about my legs.

They don't talk to chicks.

Talk about my height.

They don't talk to chicks.

See the physique speaks for itself.

You know what I mean?

Okay.

They're stepped outside, looking like the pill is very doble.

And listen, I tell you guys, bro.

It's not one chick that I won't go up and talk to in person, bro.

Yeah.

You guys look in the mirror and say the same.

I don't think so, bro.

It's my horror talk right now.

Hold on.

Keep it filming.

It's going to let my horror talk.

Keep it, it's fair, Emma.

He said fair, Emma.

No.

Like strong.

Orra.

Keep it, orra.

Let my orra talk.

Oh, oh, oh.

Like his aura is speaking.

Hey, yeah.

I got it.

What's 225?

I think it's how much he benches.

Shala.

I don't know.

It's everywhere, though.

Good for him.

Yeah.

225.

Or is that his area code?

Sometimes people do that.

People do that a lot, too.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I don't know if you put it that many times on yourself, but maybe it would.

So I guess people are critiquing his legs and he was like, there's no chick I won't talk to.

Are his legs a good?

They're saying they're undressed because he's got a developed upper body.

Yes.

A lot of guys have developed upper bodies and they neglect their legs.

Gotcha.

So they're saying he has skinny legs.

Oh, okay.

For the record, I wasn't criticizing you, bro.

No.

I don't think you have a very good physique.

No, he looks great.

You look great.

I think he's balanced.

Wow.

Okay.

Looks great.

She'll talk to you.

I'll talk to you, holler at me, brother.

Between him and David, you're going to have yourself.

You're fucking David.

You're days full.

That only takes 60 seconds.

That's true.

That's quick.

You can spend your day with aura.

Who would you rather spend the day with?

Who would you rather spend the day with?

Well, they're both incredibly full of shit in different ways.

So it kind of depends on who's fucking shit you feel.

Like, the thing with David is you'd be like, I don't know, man.

What do you think about this?

And he'd be like, oh, I'll let me Google that real quick.

And then he'd be like, the thing is when people go and he would just start reading and stuff,

this guy's nonsense would be exhausting in a different way.

He's psychotic.

Yeah, yeah.

He's just like...

He's talking in circles, all day.

Or I do the talking is some real crazy shit, or he's just like...

You feel me?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They would both wear you out, though.

So fast.

Oh my God.

So fast.

Yeah.

No, this guy would not be enlightening conversations, you know?

No, it would be torture on both ends.

At least this guy won't try to have sex with me.

What are you talking about?

No way.

The black guy would go for me because I'm his age.

This guy would be repulsed by me.

So that would be off the table.

No, but he would be like, you know,

my nuts are full right now.

Oh, yeah.

Well, that's 225.

Yeah, 225.

You can get a little 225 action here.

Yeah.

He'd still give it to you.

Cool.

Yeah.

Thanks.

I feel better now.

But I'd be like a gift to you, though.

Of course.

Yeah, he'd be like, I'd do you a favor.

You seem like a nice lady.

Bend over.

Oh.

Yeah.

Where are some cool girls?

Don't I have some cool ladies for Tom?

I feel like it's not fair.

Are there some cool girls here?

I get the cool guys.

Let me see.

I don't know if you want a TikTok that I was sending you privately.

You don't respond.

There's an old lady who simulates dribbling calm out her mouth.

Is that on my TikTok?

Jesus Christ.

And the other day she goes, this is for Steve.

Oh, I want to do some stunts.

Oh, yeah.

And I tagged him and then he liked it.

He did.

He acknowledged it.

Yeah, she wanted to do like only fans of him.

That was cool.

She's really old too.

No, she's rad.

You think old people see this is because we just think old people don't fucking know.

No, I know they fuck, but like when an old lady is like,

I am putting myself on camera to make a living.

It does kind of affect me.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's not my favorite.

Hey, let's have a, let's try to have a giggle real quick though.

I don't know.

There's a new sport.

Oh.

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Two behemoths running full speed at each other with no protection. I mean, you're seeing people get knocked out and have like seizures

It's great. Can we go to this though? We can go. Yeah, can I see some more? I'm kind of into it actually

Let me just see the clip again because I was too horrified the first time. Yeah, that's a kind of new sportly called run nation

Run nation the intensity of rug me a football hit two opponents are 40 yards apart. There you go

Shit most players suffer concussions. Yeah, no shit

God damn look as rugby. They don't wear a ton of padding

Both knocked out

I just saw this thing where this I guess a physicist was um, you know in football you run 40 yards

It's like a measurable. They always clock like who run the speed with which you run 40 yards

So like the super super fast guys run like four three, you know sometimes below four three, but that's like super elite and

Then you know as guys get a little heavier they'll run four four four five, which is still super fast

Then really big guys like 300 plus pound guys, you know, they don't run as fast. There was a guy that ran

He ran the 40 yard dash in like four eight and he was three hundred and fifteen pounds

Which is that's moving for a guy that size and the physicist broke down

the amount of force generated from that right you get the whole calculation and he basically said that it's equivalent

To somebody dropping like if that if that were to hit you

Three hundred fifteen pounds at that speed. That's the equivalent of somebody dropping

sixteen hundred pounds one meter so like basically three like that's what it would feel like and you're like that is so much force

Force equals mass time to acceleration again. You see this and you're like that's what's happening. Yeah, it's mass

Accelerating that's what they say the NFL hits are like car accidents

Yeah, that's the equivalent to a car accident, which that's fucking crazy. It's really crazy

You know when people are like

People are like there's no difference between men and women. Yeah, now the cool thing is if they did this with women they would die

But only boys boys are so like men are the you get women would never do this. I know you would never see

And that's why I

Just not in our nature. Well, no because we're dumb and stupid. There you go

Cuz we're the dumb ones

Forklift safety man. Yeah, man. It's a real thing. It's a real thing

That's time for people get into a lot of forklift accidents. You gotta tell them, man. You gotta do safety training

I'm serious. Can't just get on that thing and think it was gonna happen. No, dude. They're fucking dangerous. I'm telling you

That's not good. That's a bad country

You put a crab on that guy's balls or something

He hooked it on to his nuts

That's rad. Yeah. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hello. Good morning. That's a foreign yell for my nuts. Yeah

No, it's like a chip clip

That's pretty cool. Hi

Hi

This is not good. This is Russian

Nope

Fuckin nearly

He handled it well. He just was like fucking ankle

He's like, look at this bullshit, dude.

Yeah.

No, he's not going to cry like crazy.

Breaking something into celebration has to feel the worst, dude.

That's got to be the lowest feeling you can have, I know.

Because you just, it's so much regret when you break something, the whole, when you break

a bone, the next eight weeks are just spent lamenting that moment before the thing happens.

It's happened in football and basketball too, where somebody has been celebrating and like

headbutt at the wall and then they get injured.

It's just, it got, you got to feel so dead.

This guy's like, why did I do that leave?

Oh, is the porta potty?

Oh, fuck, dude.

He was taking his shit.

Holy fuck.

He's like, ah, come on, man.

I'm looking like, how the hell?

Just a prank, dude.

Yeah.

He's like, oh, hey.

It's like, oh, he's just fucking around.

I think almost took his head off, man.

Jesus Christ.

That wasn't a prank.

That was not.

That was deliberate.

This says the operator decided to smash the,

while his supervisor was pooping.

Yeah.

Oh my God, dude.

Oh, ultimately he was terminated.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Guess you're not allowed to do that.

You know what, I love shitting so much,

but you know how much PTSD you would have from this?

You wanna be able to sit down and take a shit.

Forever.

Forever.

I know, I would scare you so much.

So much.

That's...

Oh, there she is.

This is a grandma.

No, no, no, no.

Tom, this is yours.

This one's for you.

Yeah.

She's so horny, dude.

You don't think she would be good time?

Uh-huh.

You don't like her?

Come on, play some more.

Okay, yeah, let's just, yeah.

Give her 60 seconds.

Just say in high, give my fans.

No, that's innocuous.

Something saucy.

Just say in high.

You know.

There's one laying down in the mouth.

Come on.

There you go.

Ugh, she's in her hospital bed.

Now, go to the one right before it.

That one.

There you go.

Oh, be like it.

Oh, be like it.

Yeah.

Well.

I'm hard.

I'm right hard right now.

I'm so hard.

Smash your past, bro.

Oh, smash, thousand smash, yeah.

Do the mouth one, let's see.

Oh, she's doing a spit thing a lot, you can tell.

She loves to do that, yeah.

Ugh.

Yes, I'm on that website.

Dude, it's so weird to see a horny grandma on home.

Jesus.

This thing called, oh, shit.

He's my golden girl's horn.

God, why is it so weird?

I want the worst one.

Oh, Jesus.

Oh, there's the whipped cream.

We're going to drink the whipped cream.

Yeah.

Oh, hell yeah, dude.

Get that whip it.

That's it.

That wasn't even sexy, dude.

Well, she's letting you know she swallows the white stuff.

What's a chocolate one?

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Oh, damn.

No.

And he's in now.

Oh, well, well.

He's like, well, that kind of reminds me of something.

This is crazy, dude.

Oh, shit.

Oh, and she's under the, oh, fuck, man.

It's St. Clown Possible.

Yeah.

Oh, she's wearing the perfect red.

It's my lipstick.

Thank you.

It shouts out.

Yeah.

Shout out to ICP, the whole crew.

We got to send her some lipstick.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, I would love her to do some.

She'll definitely do it.

Well, can you scroll up all the way?

And what's in her links?

Oh, yeah, her link.

Oh, man.

Jesus Christ.

Let me show you at least give her a plug.

I'm 86.

I show full nudity when chatting with subscribers.

I offer it boy, girl content.

Holy fuck.

We got to subscribe.

What are you doing?

Oh, man.

Get in there, man.

We need to start getting into her.

Her name is Grandma Linda.

I got it.

Linda Hope.

Yeah.

Give her a shout out.

Come on.

Let this woman make a living.

She's born in 1939.

Kelly, I did.

Get fucked.

That's what's up.

She's the world's oldest only fans model.

God, this doesn't make you sad.

No.

She's living it.

She loves this.

She's doing this by choice.

You don't know what the hell you're talking about.

Yes, she is.

She's got social security.

She's got fucking money.

She's not destiny.

You don't know.

She's got money.

She looks like she's got money.

Really?

That was a fucking that to you.

The background.

You're like, this person's got some money, man.

Yeah, but 86.

Like, you got to want it to get it this hard.

Do you know what I'm saying?

You can't fake this much at 86.

Now, Hose can't fake it this hard at 86.

You don't know what Hose can do.

Hose can do whatever.

You don't know what Hose can do.

I tell you what Hose can do.

Hose can put their mind to anything and get it done.

Oh, yeah.

You know Linda?

I know Hose.

You don't know Hose.

Look.

Oh, yeah.

This is a chick talk.

I curated it.

Why don't you love me like that?

Why don't you love me like that?

I mean, I get it.

You know.

Sniff my pits.

So this couple is really into pheromones and he's into sniffing.

Her pits and public getting all charged up.

Yeah.

That's cool.

I didn't say anything against it.

I like it.

I wish you would sniff my pits a little bit.

Ah.

Ah.

This is my new friend.

Is that the guy that killed Tony last week?

Probably.

Yes?

This guy does all kinds of horrendous shit.

I love him.

Crazy.

So good.

Dude.

White people shit, right, Eddie?

It's like a moose calling competition.

This is European for sure.

It's western European shit.

It's a German shit, I think.

Yeah, that was really cool.

Thanks for showing me that.

She liked that.

It's a contest between men.

Eddie, I forgot that.

Would you smash grandma Linda?

Hell yeah.

What are you talking about?

Okay.

At least once.

Josh, just with the experience.

I mean, why not?

She seems nice.

You guys are so true.

Who are you two?

No.

Oh, yeah.

Just for the story.

I bet it'd be good.

Well, ladies, would you hook up with David?

The guy that can make you tremble in 60 seconds?

No, no.

No.

No.

Why?

Absolutely not.

Of course.

Is I Caitlyn my love?

Can't see.

That's Carly.

Oh, Carly.

Carly.

It's Carly all day.

Fuck what you heard.

Yeah.

All right.

Fuck what you heard.

Here's in the Wells Fargo, right?

No, it's Kiss my pussy.

Kiss it.

Fuck what you heard.

Okay, it's Carly.

It's Carly all day.

It's Carly, though.

Oh, it's Carly.

Yeah.

Okay, it's Carly.

You can delete.

Fuck what you heard.

So I can't believe they wouldn't give David a shot, though.

Well, I think it's the tongue.

I mean, would you guys give him a shot if he didn't do the tongue thing at the end?

I'm thinking it's more than the tongue.

Say the tongue, actually, I would let happen.

Oh, wow.

It's Carly.

It's the other thing that I'm scared of.

What, his dog?

Yeah.

Oh.

You don't see his dog, though.

Yeah.

Well, I mean, he said 60 seconds.

He didn't say 60 seconds, only tongue.

Oh, okay.

Oh, yeah.

So she's willing to give the tongue a shot?

It's okay.

All right.

Okay.

Yeah.

So that makes sense.

I don't know.

You wouldn't?

We have to fucking listen to this guy tell you how great he is.

Talking to him.

Yeah.

I don't want to hear all that.

It's only 60 seconds, though.

Yeah.

Whole life changes after that.

All right.

I'll do it.

Okay.

Cool.

No.

Just watch.

Keep your eyes on the price.

So these are pedicures for people with severe foot problems.

Look at those car bunkals there.

Ooh.

Look at that.

Look at that.

Look at my transformation.

Steaming up.

I look so much better.

So much better.

That looks so much better.

It's just the crust is what really...

Uh-huh.

Why is the skin all dark like that?

Is that...

Oh, it's rot.

It could be frostbite.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

The nails of toe fungus.

You know, Dr. Drew told me that it's inevitable that your toenails will get fungus.

That's cool.

It's something fun.

All right.

Well, let's see the next one.

All right, guys.

I'm having seabass sitting.

My mom made it.

And this is what I have on.

Uh-huh.

Yep.

Okay.

Well, show me the seabass.

You're not going to show me the seabass.

And here's the seabass.

No, but let me look at it.

Okay.

Thank you.

I wish you guys a happy day.

Let me give you another turn.

Oh, thanks.

Yep.

He looks good.

That's a cute outfit.

Great thing he's going on with him.

What's not?

He's got a good day.

He's got a great outfit on.

He's got some seabass.

What do you mean what's wrong with him?

He's doing...

He didn't say what's wrong with him.

I said, what's going on with him?

He's having some seabass.

He just fucking told you, dummy.

Pay attention.

Okay.

All right.

That was really cool.

Thanks for showing me that.

You're fucking unreal.

Uh-huh.

There's still people out in doorways looking for shelter.

I think a lot of people think this is why we shouldn't allow hedge funds to own residential

properties.

And so what we were talking about earlier, too, is a little bit of the nostalgia aspect,

right?

How this feels kind of like back in the 90s that we were growing up.

Yeah, like we were saying.

Yeah, it was much, much more snow, colder winters.

And again, prior to equity, it didn't own so much about the stock in America.

Thank you so much.

It's a true American hero right there.

And it was live.

That's the best part.

Yeah, she's like, all right.

He's like, mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah, when Black Rock didn't own the country.

Yeah.

Yep.

Uh, what a patriot.

This is a sedation dematting.

We safely put her under twilight, anesthesia.

And she's just under for just about an hour and a half ish a little less.

So you got her hair done?

Oh, I wasn't in any discomfort, no pain, and she was in.

No, this is not just to get your hair done.

This is a dematting.

A dematting.

Under Anastasia.

It's for, I guess, people who don't brush their hair ever, and then they have to be sedated

because it's so painful to do it otherwise.

You didn't wake up like fuck.

Like it hurts so bad when you wake up.

I would just shave my head.

Some people just don't brush their hair.

Able to wake up, and our hair was fully dematting.

Oh my god.

There was a team of four of us.

Plus an assistant helping out.

After we fully dematting her, we started to wash her.

You guys stay tuned for the next video and show the results.

Holy shit.

She just brushed her hair.

So she just brushed someone who neglected themselves basically?

I think so.

I mean, look, if I'm betting mental illness, homeless, I have these things of that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're trying to get her hair done.

Like that?

You think it's like that or no?

I know it's like that.

Yeah.

And dematting.

Under an auto.

What is everybody talk like that?

And drop her in.

You just drop her in.

Actually, it was like low-key.

Actually, and then she could like nap, twilight nap while we dimmed out of her hair.

Deadass.

Just Christ.

Yeah.

Okay.

Oka.

This was fun.

Seriously?

This was so much fun.

I'm glad to be back.

I'm glad to be back, too.

It's great to be in Austin.

Literally.

The weather's getting warmer.

Yeah.

It's like proper spring time.

The cany-things.

Seriously?

Give me six.

They suckers.

I make you calm.

And, yeah.

It's going to be back.

It's going to be good to see everybody here.

I can't wait to see the signs.

I'm going to go check it out right now.

Go.

Post them online.

Put them on the YMH account.

Sounds good.

Buy tickets to my shows.

Please purchase my lipsticks and go to Chichobamba.

Chichobamba.

In ATX.

Come get some treats.

Yeah.

Goddamn it.

It's too delicious.

Sorry.

I'm going to eat the shit right now, bro.

See you guys.

Bye-bye.

She made me do copious amounts of cocaine with her.

To the point I thought my heart was going to stop.

She told me to calm down.

Gave me a drink.

I don't know.

I was in the drink, but I blacked out.

I went out woke up.

She had both my legs over her shoulders.

Well, nobody's paid me to confess this now.

And I've kept it under wraps for all these years because I knew that no one would leave me.

Take my asshole.

Hillary Clinton.

Take my asshole.

Hillary Clinton.

Take my asshole.

Can Hillary do this again?

Yeah, of course.

You wouldn't mind.

What would I mind?

She's a little bossy.

It's fine.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm sure it wouldn't be that fun.

I mean, I would still do this.

You know, I think I would just do it for the story.

I think Hillary's going to be fine with it for you and her.

Do you have any idea what kind of story that is?

Well, I can't believe it happened.

I know.

I mean, this guy's telling it to his YouTube channel, but...

Yeah.

The mess that happened before she was married to Bill.

I don't think that's what he says.

Oh, you think this is like, recent?

Of course.

Wow.

Recent hasn't, at least, been going there.

Hillary Clinton, take my asshole.

Hillary Clinton, take my asshole.

Hillary Clinton.

Take my asshole.

Hillary Clinton.

Take my asshole.

Hillary Clinton.