Trauma Bonds Explained: Why You Keep Attracting Narcissists

"I finally got out of that toxic relationship! I'm never doing that again!"

Six months later: Same person, different body.

If this pattern sounds familiar, you're not alone—and according to trauma therapist Sherry Gaba, it's not your fault. But it is something you need to understand if you ever want to break free.
"Love addicts are in love with love," Sherry explains. "And when they don't have a relationship, it feels like they are in the ethers of emptiness. So they will often settle for less because they feel so empty."

That emptiness isn't weakness. It's not being "too needy" or "not strong enough." It's an attachment wound—often formed before you could even speak—that created a nervous system wired to associate chaos with love and safety with boredom.

The good news? Once you understand how trauma bonds form, how intermittent reinforcement hijacks your dopamine system, and why your body literally becomes addicted to emotional chaos, you can finally start rewiring your patterns.

What Makes This Conversation Essential:

🎯 Names the exact cycle ("same person, different body")
🎯 Explains WHY safe feels boring (nervous system conditioning)
🎯 Reveals early attachment wounds most people don't know they have
🎯 Shows how toxic partners "hook you in" from the beginning
🎯 Unpacks intermittent reinforcement = slot machine addiction
🎯 Provides daily practices for recognizing worth beyond people-pleasing
🎯 Shares Sherry's personal recovery journey (love addict → trauma therapist)
🎯 Explains different types of addiction (love vs. codependency vs. romance)
🎯 Offers specific 12-step program recommendations

Perfect For:

- Anyone who keeps attracting the same toxic partner
- People whose ex had addiction issues or personality disorders
- Those recovering from narcissistic abuse
- Anyone who feels empty without a romantic relationship
- People who find "stable" partners boring
- Those dealing with shame about their "bad picker"
- Anyone ready to understand the neuroscience of their patterns
- People who need permission to choose safety over excitement
- Those seeking community support that actually heals

About Sherry Gaba:

Sherry Gaba is living proof that understanding your patterns can transform your life. A psychotherapist and love addiction specialist, Sherry describes herself as "a love addict in recovery"—someone who experienced the emptiness, the people-pleasing, the turning herself "into a pretzel" to please unavailable partners. Her attachment wound? Being premature and spending her first three months in an incubator without maternal contact. "I was in an incubator. I did not get that first three months of attachment with my mom. So I had a lot of separation anxiety, attachment wounds." This early rupture, combined with an emotionally unavailable mother, set up lifelong patterns of seeking external validation. After being married to an alcoholic, Sherry shifted from working with addicts to working with families of addicts—recognizing her own codependency. Her specialty now encompasses love addiction, codependency, toxic relationships, and narcissistic abuse, using deep trauma therapy to help people connect internally rather than seeking external sources. Al-Anon literally changed the geography of her life—she moved from California to Florida because of connections made in recovery. Author of "Love Smacked," Sherry offers a free trauma quiz to help people understand the childhood roots of their relationship patterns.

⏱️ TIMESTAMPS:

00:00 - Introduction: Breaking the cycle of toxic relationships
01:28 - The link between domestic violence and love addiction
03:10 - Sherry's background: From addiction work to toxic relationships
04:54 - The early attachment wound: Premature birth and incubator effects
06:55 - Why you're attracted to what you know (e