Why Most Health Hacks Fail In Midlife: Nervous System Reset - Becca Holland

Hey, biohacking bestie. If you're in the thick of menopause and struggling to get your hands on

hormones, then wait, no more. I've got something you're going to love. My menobestie, Karen Martell,

has created a line of safe, effective, bioidentical hormone creams. And I use them myself in addition to

my prescribed ones. She's got both estrogen and progesterone. Her estro 2 rejuvenate is what I use

in my face. It's way better than using your vaginal estrogen there. Please stop doing that.

And then when I run out of my prescription of estradiol, I use her estro vitality until I can get

a refill. It's clean and it lasts forever. While you will find a ton of progesterone creams online,

I only trust a handful out there. And Karen's progest calm is one of the best. And I use it in

addition to my oral progesterone because it gives me more control to dial in an extra little dose

when I need it. Maybe just an extra full pump or two, maybe half a pump, or even a little smidge

depending on what I feel that I need. And these creams are made in the US in a kosher FDA

inspected facility, the free from fillers and toxins. And they've just so packed with skin

loving ingredients like vitamin E, aloe vera, chia butter, coconut and olive oil. And my

compounded and FDA approved estrogen doesn't have that. So if your doctor won't talk to you about

hormones, then Karen's got a team of doctors who will and can guide you with your order. So go to

Karen Martell.com, use the code Zora, ZORA for 10% off, and just start taking control of your

hormone health on your terms. If you're tried to get your sleep routine on and sort out your hormones

and curb your cravings and just felt like none of it sticks. And what if the real issue isn't your

discipline, your diet or your willpower but your nervous system. And in this episode, we meet

Irish health coach Becca Holland, who is so real and she's so relatable and she's got answers.

There's no wonder why she's gotten nearly 3 million followers across her social media.

She's amazing. She still raises small kids, twins on top of it. And she's the host of the

health with Holland podcast where she talks about why nervous system regulation is the foundation

of everything, especially in midlife. You're going to love her. And if you do, why not share the

episode with a friend who probably needs a little love and attention in this department too.

So now let's get started with the show.

You are now listening to the HackMyH podcast. The show that brings you guests for the woman

going through the menopause journey. I'm your host Zora Benemoo, a gerontologist,

certified sports nutrition menopause and breathing coach. Now if you're a woman in perimenopause

or postmenopause, check out the programs and freebies on the HackMyH website or the biohacking

menopause private membership and Facebook group to optimize your menopause experience.

Because menopause is inevitable, but suffering is optional.

All right, well, it's a real pleasure to have Becca Holland on the show today. Welcome.

Thanks so much Zora. I'm so excited for this. This is going to be such a good episode for anyone

who has a dysregulated nervous system because we're going to talk a lot about stress and things

that we can do easily to regulate that. And I love following you on Instagram and you've got

what? For a million people right now following you. So I know I'm not the only one who likes your

content. And I think it's because you just you're so real. Like you give really practical tips.

You are as you are. You're not faking anything. I love your stories as well and

in hearing your kids in the background screaming. I'm like, oh my god. Yeah. It actually was really

surprised the first time I learned that you had such small kids because as I was following you,

I was like, how does woman is so wise? She knows so much. And it's like you were in

perimenopause already or something. I'm like, you know all this stuff. How is it? But you're going

through all of this with children, young children as well. And I love that you also share your own

health journey as well. It's so relatable at any age, really to be honest. So yeah, I want to get

a little bit of an insight in terms of what your personal experience you had that really kind of

pushed you into the health and wellness world. And then what was missing from the advice that

you were getting at the time? Yeah, it definitely. Now I'm in my mid 30s, but in my early 20s,

like all the information we have now was non-existent. So when you're burning the candle at both

ends, which I was, with overexasizing, I had amineria for all of my 20s, so I had no cycle.

Just from overexas, under eating. And I got into a really difficult cycle of

underactive thyroid insomnia. And a lot of it was driven by, of course, cortisol was so high in my

body and my system, my nervous system at the time was so dysregulated. It was driving a whole host

of problems that I suppose I completely normalized. And probably a lot of my friends around me at

the time were in a similar situation, like very typical. It was very stereotypical at the time

that like cardio bunny, we're all trying to be skinny. And you can see actually that resurface now

with GLP ones. You can see that team surfacing again. But after a few years in 2020, I had my twins,

so they're now five. And I went through breakup with their dad. And I like, it was such a weird

feeling. It was almost like I fell trapped underwater. I was like, wow, I actually can't continue

this level of stress in my body with the controlling of food and dealing with the low mood because

the mood was low from poor sleep. And it kind of jolted me into finding a solution. So that's

when I really got into circadian health and really understanding female circadian health.

And then understanding you actually can't have deep restorative sleep. What was the one thing I was

missing? Regulation. You cannot have deep restorative sleep without that. But I was doing everything

else from the ash regander, the magnesium bisclisonate. I was doing the wine down routine. I was doing

everything around the sleep hygiene neglecting the elephant in the room, which was the nervous system

regulation. So then after I really got a handle on circadian health, I realized, okay, now I need to

deeply go into somatic work and regulation because I didn't even know what that was. I just thought

I was a person who at the time didn't know, but very much ADHD. I didn't realize that I actually

could rest. I could slow down. I wasn't addicted to doing, doing, doing. And once I really got into

that work, it was like a new world for me because I realized I had to spend so much less effort on

controlling food because I was mindful and often slow down enough to not be passively eating or

emotionally eating all the time. And that's what really stuck with me at the time. I was thinking, wow,

I really need to help people do this because I struggled with overeating cycles for many years.

And I really removed myself out of that when I become more regulated because again, you can stop

in the moment and ask yourself what you really need in that moment rather than using food as a

comfort. That was the first really significant thing I noticed. And then when the twins were two,

I said, okay, I'm finished with a PE teacher. I was a PE teacher all my life really bare a few

other jobs and I always worked sports. And then I said, I'm going to try this Instagram thing.

And within a year, I'd probably gained over a million followers and across our platforms now

is nearly three million. But again, it's purely because it was at the time it wasn't that normal for

people to be really raw and honest. Now it is. People are much better at storytelling. But in 2023,

people were like, oh my gosh, like most people are putting on the front that everything's going great.

And I was like, hey, I'm actually kind of struggling here. But also using tools to keep me above

board that I'm not drowning. And with single mother of two-year-old twins at the time, like it was

really intense. So I think everything I learned in the tick of it was like feeling like you're in the

storm really resonate with people because they were like, okay, I can actually use these things

because my circumstances are certainly not perfect either. So I think that's what really resonates.

Even now, nervous system regulation has become such a big part of my life and motherhood

that I really just want to share that with as much people as I can because I still think it's

really misunderstood as a concept. Because I think we see regulation as one thing, which is go

have your bath and meditate and do a little bit of regulation tools every now and again when you

get really stressed. But actually it's a way of life. And regulation is everything from God help,

blood sugar balance, your self-compassion and everything in between. Tools are just one piece of

that bigger puzzle. And that's what really stood out to me when I worked with clients. I was like, wow,

we actually can't just address the tools and the things that are quite straightforward. I think

social media has kind of made the tools seem like they're the only way to regulate. They can

help you regulate in the moment and they can give you headspace to make better decisions,

but you also have to address all the mother things. And for women, it's shame, guilt,

self-criticism. There's lots of pieces of that puzzle. But I was only able to address all

them things when I started to put the first foot forward, which was the regulation tools,

and learning how to do them depending on the state I was in. That was another thing that was

completely new to me. I didn't realize, of course, I don't like meditating when I'm fully in

fight or flight. Of course, I don't like meditation when I'm in freeze. I want to upregulate

when I'm in freeze, not downregulate. So there was just a lot of interesting things that I thought,

whoa, loads of women don't know this. And they've been so helpful to me and clients. I really want

to make this a lot more understood, because I think there's huge misunderstanding around,

I suppose, globally we all want to quick fix. I gravitate towards quick fixes myself way too often.

It's just what we're kind of drilled into us, but it's a slow burn nervous system regulation

most of the time. And it's just understanding that we need that delayed gratification. And we need

to fully, deeply understand how much it's going to transform your life in order to actually stick

with it, because you might not see much change for the first few weeks. I knew for me it was very

motivating that my insomnia was fizzling away. I was like, oh my god, I'm getting another block.

I'm getting sleep easier. That was like a big one for me to keep going with the nervous system

regulation at the sleep part and everything to do with circadian health. And then it was also

other things happening in the background around like better digestion. I was way less reactive in

conversations. And I was like, I always think of it like lenses. You know, when you're in

rest and digest, I think, okay, I'm wearing the green glasses now. Everything seems great.

Like, if somebody criticises me kind of brush it off, I'm able to connect and talk to you.

I'm not thinking of lots of other things at the same time. But then I take off that lens.

And I pull out my red lens, which is my fighter flight lens. Everything seems more threatening.

I'm internalizing a lot more things. I'm self-critical. But then when I take them off, put on

freeze again, say that's a blue lens, blue black almost. You're almost at this depressive state.

Again, I see that life through a completely different lens. So we're not living reality. We're

living through our state. We're living through the nervous system state room. And that really

interests me so much because our perception of reality changes depending on the state we're in.

It's your perception of reality. That's the key. And I think you've hit so many things that

resonate with everyone, including me. And it makes perfect sense. And it is, I know so many women

who are just pushing it, doing all the right things, all the hacks, and the diet, the exercise,

they're doing the sleep hygiene, like you said, doing their devices to manage this trust. But yeah,

they still struggle. I think that's a really interesting one because a lot of people are going

through the motions of they are doing the ear massage, the humming, the cold exposure,

they have their vibration played, they do their lymphatic drainage in the morning. And a lot of

type A women I work with, that's actually doing themselves a disservice. They need to peel down and

do the two-step morning routine instead of the ten-step. They need less devices, they need more

self-trust to just do the basics well. And I think that's kind of where 2026 is going. We're

realizing, hold on, we went a little bit crazy there in 2024, 2025, thinking we need massive

amounts of supplement stacks, gadgets, like a huge host of routines, but male, males thrive

off routines, like that's a lot of the time. They do really well with like structure, rigid routine,

24 hour clock, whereas we're very cyclical. We need different routines depending on the day,

week, if you're in perimenopause, the symptoms you're experiencing, if you're in the luteal phase,

if you're in postmenopause, we're always going to be cyclical, so things need to be fluid.

So if we hold ourselves to, I must do that ten-step skincare routine,

plus that meditation, plus that other elaborate piece of my morning routine every morning,

then we don't do it when we're fatigued and we feel like a failure. So I think that's like, for me,

now, my routines are so much harder than they used to be. Well, you've got two twins running

around the house. I don't know how you do it in terms of, yeah, I would go back to myself

when I had smaller kids. I think, I know, if I knew what I knew now back then, I think I would attempt,

but I would just have to do it shorter. Like, I don't have time. Who has time? That's absolutely

it. Like, I'm, luckily, I'm a morning bird, so I am up before six, so I have half an hour before

they wake up, but I do find it so intense. I find, some days, I cry very regularly just for the

emotional release of like, whoa, then fighting the loud noises in the house, just like constant

dealing with their emotions. I find that extremely intense. And I think, whoa, where the hell would

I be if I didn't have physical exercise I always lean on and regulation techniques? Like, where would

I be if I didn't do this work? Because I already feel like now, I'm just about holding on some days

to how intense it can be. And that's like best case scenario. So for people that aren't

taking the boxes, it's really, really hard to spin all the plates. Essentially, I have my own

business. So my work day is, it's not a 12-hour day by any means. I do the shortest I can to fit

the school hours. And so again, I have like optimal conditions. And I still find things can be

really difficult mentally, sometimes dealing with children. So I do think for people that are

struggling, you really have to think the world isn't made for us to be regulated. We certainly have

to seek out solutions. So one thing that I do see in my community, and I talk about this all the time,

and be interesting to hear your perspective on how you help your women who are going through this.

And you deal with women of all ages as well, and going through paramedics, and so you see

everything's amplified. I think your kids are loud now. Wait until you get

paramedics, and it's like doubly amplified. And you're like, what is going on? I used to be able

to handle this a lot better before. And when they're pushing it so hard, and I can understand

the stress piece and exercise, for example, exercise is a release. Like, women are depending on

this. This is where it's my me time. I feel like my head is in the right space. However, when

they're pushing it so hard, so if something's good for me and my stress, then the more the better,

and then they're under eating, and then over training. And so there's a time where you like,

you said, let's just pull it back. Let's stop doing so many supplements or so much exercise,

and maybe do other down regulating exercises. But you're bringing in another piece. To me,

it sounds like you're bringing even more perspective, because I'm just saying, okay, do this tool,

or do less of this tool. And you're saying it doesn't matter if you don't have this nervous system

regulation. If the body doesn't feel safe, because if you're training another eating, the body

certainly does not feel safe. So how do you get that perspective? Because it seems almost like

it's a therapy in some ways to change. Like you have different glasses. Like you said, when you

look at your rose color glasses, and it's everything's much easier. But how do you get there?

I think what I went through for actually ages was a point where I was doing a lot of what

was quote unquote supposed to be regulating like the meditation and all the different

regulation tools. But I honestly felt no different. I was still very much in fighter flight

most of the time. And I was like, okay, what's the barriers here? What are the barriers to stopping

me get into this meditation or actually feel any kind of moment of calm through these things?

And there was so many things I realized that were barriers to that. What was happening in between

the tools? So like it's very hard for the tools to work if there's lots of barriers around like

waiting which screen time. And as I said, the shame guilt piece. So I was removing them barriers

so the tools could work. And that's when I started to notice change. And I think with that stack of

like understanding for me, there was definitely a stage of okay, how am I supposed to exercise hard

without burning myself out? I was like, this is really hard to understand for me because I never

had got instinct or checking in with my body. I didn't have any that because I overrode the signals

for so long. So it was like a slow process of, okay, I really would like to introduce everybody

know what's a hard no and what's yes, because I would just push through everything. And that just

came a time of slowing down a little bit to understand and listen to the body. Because as I turn

30, I could no longer continue that cycle. It was okay, you're close to burn out now. So you kind

of have to I think when they were up to two, I was only doing short workouts. I was doing two or

three hours a day, six days a week before I had them. So I nearly went the pendulum nearly swung

completely the other way because I knew I was on the cross of my body really run, been run down

because I experienced really big fatigue. I was like, I remember when I was a PE teacher even

before I had them. And the PE hall was upstairs of the building. And I remember every day of like,

I have to go up the stairs. Like I was actually that physically tired that I was and I was in my

twenties that it was I was thinking back up to their moments, been like, okay, how do you avoid that?

And then it kind of was a me understanding doing a lot more research into exercise physiology

and understanding. Okay, we need to understand how stress affects our ability to perform and

recover. So then I started to add in way more recovery with walking and so on us. Then I started

to short my sessions. Then I started to instead do mostly cardio do do more lifting, which was

completely new to me. I'd never done lifting before until my thirties. And then I started to notice

I've way more energy. All them typical things you experience when you do more low impact when you

used to be a former runner self into the ground person. So that was like a bit of a balancing act.

And now I found the sweet spot I left maybe three times a week, depending on the week that

said I might do an extra day of I like to run. So I might do a day or two of running. And then

other days I love swimming. So I kind of rotated a little bit. It's not a rigid structure anymore.

I use the framework of cycle thinking in a really flexible way. So I noticed sometimes I actually

feel really strong when I have my period other times I feel weak. And I just go with how I feel

and I'm just aware of the hormone fluctuations. I'm not saying I have to do Pilates for five days

this month. No, no, I'm just realizing, okay, I want more mobility, typically in my loose

heel phase, I want more rest and recovery during my period. And that's really helped me as well

because I used to train like a man like I had a 24 hour clock. So I would train intensely five,

six days a week. But that's again cyclical nature of training with my body and my feelings.

And slowly going through the motions of knowing what that even meant because I was so disconnected

made a mass of difference, the exercise piece. And then I got back my sleep because I was doing

more regulation. So I think for everyone, it's like you're almost like a detective and you're

finding out the little tiny microchanges you need to keep making. For me, it was probably macro

changes because the exercise had to really change. And then slowly the nutrition changed because

I always just thought I had massive shoulder cravings. But that was just because I was so

dysregulated and seeking comfort all the time. And that concept really interests me. That's so

much people. And I have two friends that would say, I'm just like, I have such a sweet tooth.

I just can't be around sugar. And it's so interesting to look at that as a concept because sugar

is relief. It's dopamine. It's that alcohol scrolling most women want to do every evening to like

numb out after the day because you've no capacity. After the day, your nervous system's like,

give me some relief. You have been going nonstop all day. There's been a lot of pressure.

You've been dealing with a lot of people's emotions. Of course you want to numb out the evening.

And modern day no matter is the scrolling snacking, drinking. And that's like people are trying

to find discipline. And they're trying to say, I just need to not have the wine in the house or

no sweets in the house. But let's look at the root cause here. The root cause is that there's a lot

of rush and overwhelm. Yeah. And the other way is to cope with that. And that is a bit of a mess

year process than me saying to you, here's your macros. Here's your meal plan. Just stick to that.

Just doesn't make sense. It really doesn't. Let's take away the biggest obstacle before we try

and implement new nutrition, for example, or a new exercise plan. I think like that day of,

oh, you know, everyone come into my six week straight program is kind of crazy when you're looking

at women that maybe have they're in one stage of burnouts or they have multiple stressors in their

life and first they need to remove some of them stressors or learn how to deal with some of them

stressors before they can go change their nutrition because one of the hardest things to change

for anyone is your eating behaviors because they're very repetitive. You do you eat probably three

times a day for many years. That builds up into very deeply ingrained habits. The only way I was

able to change eating and food behaviors was and it actually was a very uncomfortable process

for many months of realizing, wow, I really want that snack now and that sugar and that food

to norm out a little bit but going in the value-based behavior of actually that's not going to

be in line with my goals. I'm not going to feel good after that very uncomfortable feeling. You have

to do multiple multiple times and then you start to slowly make changes of, okay, instead of that

eating every evening, I'm going to do X, Y and Z instead and it's like a slow boring kind of

little bit painful process because we love the familiar and then you know the familiar hell of

I was like, okay, if I snack every evening, I'm not going to get a good sleep for

first of all because I was snacking on sugar. It's not going to be in line with my physique,

goals, blah, blah, blah. I know all that. I'm completely aware of all that but I'm still doing it

because it's very familiar to the nervous system. I'm not dead. The nervous system is like,

oh, she's still alive. We're going to keep doing that. It's familiar. We're not going to stop that.

So I think really understanding the whole concept of if a female really wants to change,

the first step is addressing her nervous system and it's capacity and bandwidth because my nervous

system like yours, we go probably through fighter flight and freeze multiple times a day

plus rest and digest. The sign of a healthy nervous system is we can bounce back to rest and

digest relatively quickly depending on the scenario, of course, but relatively quickly we don't get

stuck in fighter flight after seeing one message that was really dysregulating or having financial

concerns or whatever brings you into fighter flight, we're able to get back into that rational

rest and digest state because fighter flight and freeze, you're very illogical and you're not

rational. You make decisions like scrolling, snacking, drinking the full bottle of wine and having

the argument with that person very easily because you're not seeing things in a very logical way.

And when I fully started to understand that it opened up a new world, I suppose because I was like,

wow, I'm actually not a slave to all these behaviors and I do have control over them because I'm

in this logical state like as much time as I can be rather than the opposite which was I was

majority in fighter flight. Today's episode is sponsored by Qualia Life. As a gerontologist and a

biohacker, I believe that one of the best aging breakthroughs of the last decade are senolytics.

As we age our bodies, they tend to accumulate these things called senescent cells and these cells

are also known as zombie cells because they just linger in your body long after their useful

function. They waste your energy, your nutrition and they can make us feel tired, recover slower

after our workouts and we can feel our joints acting up and they make us basically feel older

than we are and pretty tired. And I'm really excited about a senolytic called qualia which is a

clinically tested formula with nine plant derived compounds that help your body naturally get rid

of senescent cells helping you feel years younger in just months. And you know what the best

thing is, you take qualia senolytic just two days a month. And when I hear you only need to take

something just twice a month, I'm on it and I add it to my launch event regime to keep me

hack in my age. And we're lucky to have qualia offer us 15% off with the code hack my age that

includes a 100 day, yeah, 100 day money back guarantee. So go to qualialife.com forward slash hack my

age now to try qualia selenitic today. That's qualia senolytic at qualialife.com forward slash hack my

age with code hack my age to hack your age and live your best life. So nervous system regulation to

me, it sounds like you are dealing with the stressors in your life, not so much. Oh, let's just do

this meditation. It's about feeling safe, make the body feel safe and correct me if I'm wrong,

I'm just trying to digest or what I'm hearing. And so if for example, somebody's pushing and trying

and all these systems that have the sleep hygiene and taking magnesium and doing all this stuff

that it's not working, maybe she should take a look at does she hate her job? Is she overloaded

with chores at home? Can she somehow, does she have an aging parent and she do it all by herself and

needs to have respite? Whatever it is, that's what I'm hearing as let's regulate the nervous system

by somehow managing the stressors in our life and getting a little help with that. Is that correct?

Yeah, absolutely. And it's like you say, it's all about removing the obstacles. It's very difficult

to lean into regulating behaviors. If you're not, first of all, creating a better environment to

allow them to work too. And sometimes things aren't possible to change, but then it's about finding

the right techniques that you really lean into and really help you in that moment. Because I think

a lot of people do regulation techniques for the sake of them, just the ones they're familiar with

and they do them when they're in any state. And techniques don't work in every state. So I think

that's why the adherence and consistency with regulation techniques can be really low because

people are like, I don't feel any different, but they might be using them not in an optimal way.

And I think a big one we don't talk about that I regularly talk to people in a membership

about is flow state. And most of us not getting into flow state often at all, but that's actually

one of the pieces of the regulation puzzle. And flow state, like we had the conversation the other day,

it can be you don't have to find something you're mad into all the time. Like I think we think of

flow states like, we have to go into gardening or we have to get into knitting or we must be a runner.

As if flow state is just finding here and there things like, okay, today I'm going to do coloring.

Another day I'm going to walk out my phone. You're finding little micro pockets of joy regularly

because if we don't have them, it's very difficult to regulate when the day is just full of

not misery, but it's just push the whole days of push. We have to be like interrupting that with

joyful things, which I think can be quite hard for a lot of people because we're thinking,

I'm not going to get out and do around a golf. I'm not going to have the time to do skiing or

diving or something we all associate flow state with regularly, but we need to find the tiny things

that bring joy. I think that's a really big part of a regulation journey too is just more fun and

joy wherever you can find it, even been around people that make your laugh. That's a really

important part of the regulation puzzle in general, I think, that often we get into all the

serious work. I'm like, okay, I need to be able to concentrate in this meditation and not let

my mind wander or I need to do all these activities and exercise and stack it all. But at the end

of the day, like we're made to have fun and I saw something recently and it just really made me

stop. It said 90% of our time should be on like being in flow state, been with family,

friends, chatting, relaxing, all the things 90%. That's how we're made a lot of time. That's a lot

and I was like, okay, most of us are in the opposite. We're spending 90% of our time working,

pushing, feeling dysregulated and we might, if we're lucky, have 10% where we're feeling calm,

relaxed and we're having fun. I was like, Jesus Christ, even if we could make the split a little bit

even 50, 50, that would be a huge win. But it just really put things in perspective for me. Imagine 90

percent of your time was actually relaxing and I mentioned to you last week and I was away for

the week and I felt like, so I got such mental rest. It made me realize I need a lot more mental

rest of just not overthinking, thinking about business, thinking about the kids. It was such a break

and I was thinking, wow, how good was that? To have one week out of the 52 weeks of the year

where I had mental rest and I was like, hold on, I need to be more of that. So it's like finding

the mental rest in your week and I'm a big believer as well of like, okay, we have our routine

and that's really important to the structure, but also regularly varying the routine so you don't

get stuck in the mundane kind of groundhog day scenario that I think a lot of us easily do.

Like on a Tuesday, I bring the kids swimming on a Saturday, we do dance and I gym at exactly this

time every day. This is exactly the time I kneel. That's all fine. But then now and again, we need to say,

okay, we're going to a different park. We're going on a different walk. We just do something to

mark time, to give enjoyment, to give mental rest where you're in a different setting and I think

that's why people love traveling because it really makes you get out of your head, but we can't

all go traveling regularly. So what can we do locally? That's just a little bit breaks the routine,

breaks the mundaneness and you're a brilliant for that. You're regularly doing that and I think a

lot of people would love to actually leave more. Not as an escapism scenario, but more just understanding

that what they say changes is good as a rest. No, that phrase and I think that's all true.

Like just change a scenery every now and again. Do a different activity. The other day, somebody

said to me, there's such a good zumba class in town. You should do that and I was like, oh yeah,

I need to do that different zumba class. Things that just slightly changed the routine. A few weeks

ago, a good friend of mine, she started doing sound bats in our local hotel and I was like, amazing.

I'm going to be going to more of them sound bats. It's just little things like that pushing yourself

out of your comfort zone. Last night, like 15 minutes away, there was a TEDx talk and going to

that with my friend for the evening. I would not have dreamed of doing that two years ago. I would have

been too scared to come out of my routine because I was like, oh my god, I need to get my full sleep

and I need to make sure I get my X amount of steps in. But realizing lately, it's really important

to do that so that we're more open to change as well because that's actually training the nervous

system to be more resilient, to have more bandwidth to experience new things. So when new, difficult

things come along, you're doing a bit of training now that you're getting out of your comfort zone

regularly, which I love thinking about because that is what it's all about. I have a friend that

she, we have this conversation recently. She was like, I have no tolerance for stress and she

was saying like, it's because I rarely leave my house. I work from home. I stay at home all the time.

I don't see people often enough and she was like, my window of tolerance has literally gone to

nothing. She said, things in work stress me out so much because her world has shrunk and I

definitely related to that. It's very easy with the young kids and stuff for your world to shrink and

it's very difficult then to see the big picture, especially when you're dysregulated a lot of the time

because, as I said, you're illogical and you're not seeing the big picture. So there's probably a lot

of things you can do. I think we had this understanding maybe a few years ago that, okay, just tell me

the three things I can do morning afternoon and evening, that'll regulate me. And now we're like,

say that. We can't really tell you that because it depends on your stage. You have to fix all the

things between them, tools and there's a lot of minds that work to do. So it's very different,

but it is understanding, like, going back to the basics of, I need a bit more joy and fun,

I need a bit more mental rest. What are the biggest barriers to regulation right now? Probably,

it's screen time. Absolutely. It's staying up too late. We can't be regulated without

restars of sleep for the most part. And the third one then probably not having community or

connection or people you like around you very often. I know so many people like that.

And it's so easy. Like you said, you can easily slip into your comfort zone. And that's

what I was just talking about this the other day because he's looking for a word because he's

quite inspiring what he does. And he says, I need a word where because he's seeing his actually,

his own father, who's almost 90, completely degrade because he doesn't want to get out of his comfort

zone. Never get out of his comfort zone. And he's now just pretty much bedridden. And so it's

making him think. And he's thinking that for the special word that means to I say seek discomfort,

that's me because I'm in the biohiking world. And that's what we do. But he says it's got to be a

bit more nuanced than that because it almost sounds too, it's for him. It's too harsh. It's like

too much. It's like pushing too hard. He wants to say, we don't want to be comfortable. There's

nothing wrong with being comfortable. But but being too comfortable is a problem. And this is

where you're saying is it's changed the routine. Get a, you don't have to do a cold plunge if you

hate the cold. If you want to grade, that's part of the biohiking seek discomfort thing. But

you can try something else. And what you're saying is change your environment. And there's no one

who loves travel more than me. I love to travel. And I love that. For me, I don't know anything. So

I would say it's not discomfort for me. But I do see people looking at me going, you are nuts.

You're so brave. And I'm like, that's not bravery because it's not hard for me. I enjoy it. I look

forward to the change because I know it's just going to shift. I love routine. But I love to break

the rules too. Because I feel like that's just me. My body needs, you get tired of this routine. And

now you want something new. But when you do something new and you're traveling, you're like, okay,

I need a little bit of routine now. And you go back to the routine. But I do see that when you

won't swim, and I'm speaking to when they go on holiday, men as well, you're suddenly in a

different state. You're like, you realize, yeah, you've been pushing it too hard to burn

in the count of two. And then like you said, I need more of this. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, Andora,

last week, I don't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing because they often say after

a holiday, that's the most time you're inclined to make massive change around like your job,

your relationships, because the break gave you clear insight. When you get out of the mundane,

you can see, and like you say, it's like strategic discomfort. You're trying to live in an

optimal way. So you actually have to be seeking strategic discomfort regularly. Otherwise,

like I bet the first time you started traveling, it was super stressful because you're like,

oh my god, I don't know what's next. And then the more you did this, the more you went to

different countries, it became quite normal that you're like, oh, fun. Okay. This is fun. What's next?

And it's the same for probably other areas of your life. You find it harder to go out and I'm

the same. I have pockets of my life. I'm really open to change. Other pockets absolutely not.

So it's interesting, like the more we push the discomfort. And that's why, as we spoke about

Brian Keane, who has an amazing podcast, a friend of both of ours, he's always doing crazy

physical challenges of like marathon and marathon's in a row over six days, mental stuff in the

Arctic and deserts. And I saw a lot of people have said to me because a lot of people would have read

his books and they're like, why does he do that? And I'm like, I completely understand why he

does that. Because now when life throws stress at him, he's quite resilient because he's already

had to play a mental battle with himself in training on the actual day of the race. He's just

now that's an extreme example, of course. But the example for you could be, okay, I'm going to do

a couch to 5k or I'm going to read 10 pages of a book every day I used to never read. That's

pushing yourself out of its zone of what's normal to you. But it doesn't have to be, let's do an

Ironman, but it certainly has to be finding multiple ways to get out of the kind of groundhog day.

That's one word that kept coming up with my group. We were like, it can seem like groundhog day

sometimes and the day's blur. And I have my friend's mother always says, oh, you know, it's nearly,

like we're in the depth of winter. And she said, it's nearly the summer now. And she's always

10 steps ahead of what's next because she's so used to time passing by so quick because that's how

she sees time. I can't believe 10 years have passed. So it's interesting. How do you make the

perception of time more like it should or could be is lots of novel things. And that's why me and

my sister said, we were only in Andora six days and we were like, oh my god, that seemed like

60 days because we were like, it was no, it was no, you know, fragmentation of time with screens.

That's there's really interesting science on that now that shows that when you keep interrupting

your thought patterns, which we do because something difficult happens or let's scroll and know

myself for a moment. So time seems like it's speeding up because the fragmentation of memory

really fascinated me because I thought it's like we're actually speeding up our perception of time

because we have very little present calm moments of really letting the memory and feeling things.

Like you've got to feel it to heal it. But of course, we've so many ways now with super

process food and scrolling to completely numb out. And we never, we're just kicking down the can of

almost like procrastination of actually feeling and dealing with things because we keep distracting

ourselves. So that was another big thing I started to think about how easy it is to not really

be able to fully get into regulated state because you're just interrupting yourself all the time

and distracting yourself all the time. Yeah, you're not in the present. And one thing I think there's

I always say life is like a toilet paper roll that closer you get to the end the faster it goes.

And it's this perception of time that shifts when we age. And as we get older, we're closer

to death. Like we know we've got 10 years, 20 years, even if you look at it as 30 years, that's

where I'm at right now. More or less, maybe more. And I'm I and you you don't want to waste any more

time. That's why we're more selective about the people we surround ourselves with. We make decisions

and especially in midlife in your 50s, we they call it if not now then when era because if I don't

do this now, if I don't write the book now or do the marathon now or whatever it is that you want to

do, you feel like I'm not going to do it when I'm 80. Maybe you will, but who knows? But right now

you go, I want to do it now. And that's why we have this this shift and this perception of time.

And sometimes it can feel slow for some people as they're aging because of that mundane

and the routine and all that. And like you said, you bring in a bit of novelty, doing something

new, something shifts and we're able to have a different experience of life as well. But it's hard

is that's when you get older, you get more set in your ways. And this is trying to disrupt

and say, no, let's not get too settled. It's okay. But not too much. And I think really acknowledging

as well that stress tolerance does lower when you're kind of in perimenopause, past perimenopause,

just because purely from a hormone lens of producer lowering and realizing that you do have to do

some things to train the nervous system to be more resilient. This is so it's of course we're

going to want to cling to routine more, not go more places as much as we can because we're like,

oh, that's so stressful and overstimulating. So we have to learn to work with that. And even just

the awareness of that is important that you're not like, what's wrong with me? I have no fun anymore,

but understanding it is more difficult mentally to push yourself out of your comfort zone.

So all the more reason to need to do it. And you've mentioned several times we're all different

or different stages of life and different experiences. If you asked me a year ago to be doing

the things that I'm doing now, I had osteoarthritis. I couldn't move. I couldn't travel. The last

thing I wanted to do was travel. That it was my nervous system was on such high alert physically

from chronic pain. I had to do other things that to bring me joy that I couldn't that I wouldn't do

now. So it's different shifts, different times in our life. So it's kind of almost useless to tell

people do this and it's all going to be great because maybe it won't work for you because you're not

in that phase of life. Yeah, that's so true. And that's it. There are so many different phases that

you know, your early 20s versus your late 20s even versus your early 30s versus your early 30s

is completely different. So it's really interesting. I used to think it was just I just need to change

my exercise depending on the stage of life I'm at, but like it's also change everything else.

Even your nutrition like your blood sugar balance ability as you get into paramedics versus

before completely different. So there's lots of like things that you need to be continuously tweaking

I think. Yeah. Well, you give a lot of great ideas and that's why I follow you and I've got your

newsletter and I've got your Instagram and I'm just love what you're doing. And I hate to wrap up

now. I didn't follow my questions whatsoever because it's just so easy with you in the time

flies by. Well, we could want a lot longer for sure. We could go on. We'll have to do part two

because I want to do more practical tips, but I really honestly, anyone is listening now,

just go to Instagram and you're going to get all the practical tips and your website as well

loads of stuff in your podcast too. It's wonderful. So I want to direct people there and have

links to all of those in the show notes. But before we kind of wrap up, are you ready for a rapid

fire? For sure. Let's go. Yeah. Okay. This is really fun. And I just want short answers. You

don't have to overthink. We can explain in this part too. But it gives people just a little bite

size of what you're at. So let's go. Just one healthy habit that often backfires in midlife.

Trying to get into a calorie deficit when you haven't understood the extra nutrients you need.

Most underrated habit for hormone balance. Being in bed without a phone.

Favorite nervous system device or gadget. I'm really not a gadget person at all when it comes to

nervous system. I think it's all about your hands. So I actually have no device. But if I had to

be pushed, I would say my favorite thing that has supported me is Ashwaganda. Just works really

well for me as an as an adaption. One sign your body is asking for support, not discipline.

The fatigue piece. Being regularly tired. A wellness trend, you're tired of seeing pushed on midlife

women. Cold plunges without a doubt. We just work for a lot of women, especially now there's

even more science to show it can be beneficial for a shorter time with much warmer temperatures.

I'm a sauna person. I'm just buying one today. Nice. Yeah, I chose the sauna over the ice bath.

So morning or evening routines, which matter more now? I think that's depending on your stress

load. So it very much depends what happens at either side of the day. For me right now,

definitely my evening routine is more important, allowing my body to relax in the evening. Because

of my habits in the morning, you're quite good. I don't have the habit of scrolling in the morning

or anything like that. One thing you wish every woman knew about perimenopause. That you fully

need to understand what progesterone does in your body. So nothing seems confusing. Wonderful.

Well, I am going to have to let you go, but I am so grateful to you. I have links to everything

in the show notes. Please go check out Rebecca Holland. You got healthwithhaulen.com and your

Instagram of course and the Becca Holland show. And you have a program. Can you tell us a little

bit about that with your coaching? Yeah, my core program is regulatory balance reset. And that's

like a 12 month container where we fully integrate all of the regulation pieces. But we also do a

30 day reset, nervous system reset that is helpful too. Yeah, that's mainly it. And yeah,

check out means or is episode actually on the Becca Holland show because that would be a great one.

Yes, yes, check that out. I'll have a link to that one in the show notes too. And thank you so

much for your time Rebecca. I just love what you're doing. And I love that everyone who's

listening now. It's just the three of us. We're so glad that you spent your time with us. I truly

value your time. And I hope to see you again. Have a good day. Good night. Good morning,

wherever you're at. And we'll see you next time. Take care. Hey, did you enjoy the podcast?

Don't forget to subscribe to be notified of all the new episodes and leave a review to help build

the tribe. It's a small act of kindness that brings me big benefits and helps others find this

amazing content. The best thing you can do is share. Sharing is caring.

Statements made on this podcast have not been evaluated by the US Food and Drug Administration.

Anything we say or products we mention are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent

any disease. Information provided by this podcast is not a substitute for personal medical advice

and not intended to replace a one-on-one relationship with a qualified healthcare professional.

It is intended as a sharing of knowledge and information from the personal research and experience

of me and my guests.