Why People Pleasing Happens (And How To Stop)

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If you struggle with people pleasing you may have noticed something strange which is that.

On the surface it seems kind but over time resentment builds and when you try and stop

fear rushes in and there's a good reason for that. When we are children we equate approval with love.

When for example our parents withdraw an emotional connection it hurts and we feel that

as a loss of safety and a loss of belonging. So a strategy the mind can come up with is to

please people so that we retain their approval and feel safe. So it's a strategy the mind comes up with

to help us survive and it deserves respect for that reason. But as we become adults

and that people pleasing pattern stays in place it's extremely tiring and it can absolutely lead

to burnout. And also there is this sense of resentment builds because people go out of their way

to seemingly help other people and it's not reciprocated and there's that sense of

this person's even taking advantage of me. So people pleasing which was laid down as a pattern

to help us feel safe in our family of origin does no such thing when we become adults. We lose crucial

energy. But when people try and stop this anxiety can come flooding in and the mind can really start

going coming up with reasons oh maybe they're crossed with me or I could lose them as a friend

and that's a really valuable sign when the mind starts churning in that way because it's not about

the thoughts that are there. A spinning mind like that is often a sign that we are avoiding a feeling.

But the mind would rather ruminate seemingly than allow us to feel an intense sensation like fear.

And that's because the nervous system still equates approval with love but approval is not love.

And so rather than just try and stop cold turkey the best or the better thing to do is to

recognize the pattern in real time and you can do that by noticing when the mind revs up

and noticing if there is a contraction in the body and then having an intention to

feel that contraction but not trying to get rid of or judge the pattern first because the pattern

was laid down for good reason. A key thing that can make a difference is to have an intention

a commitment to welcome the feeling to welcome it with the energy of the archetypal loving mother

with a scared child and that can change everything and as we welcome the feeling it can soften

and in time if we sit with it or if we just be with it without agenda it can even start to reveal

what it's trying to tell us what it needs which is invariably something you didn't get when you

were young and as you go into that what is this contraction needing? You can work through it and

eventually you'll come to unconditional love and that's a really important point because

love is not outside us awakening is experiencing directly that the love that we seek is who we are

love is the frequency of reality when you've seen through the illusion of separation so love is

here and the way we block the love that we are is by playing out these patterns that got laid

down early we need to have gratitude for the patterns thank it come to the feeling with an

intention to welcome it and then recognize the love that we seek is not out there that's approval

approval is not the same as love approval can come and go like that love is unconditional and it

is our nature and as we love the pattern so they soften and integrate and we stop acting in alignment

with them then we are removing the blocks to the love that is our true nature

so if people pleasing is something you struggle with this is exactly the work I do

so get in touch and book a consultation below but if you do struggle with people pleasing

first of all just notice it when it happens stop pause thank the pattern it's literally been there

to try and save you have an intention a commitment to take responsibility for the feeling

tune into it and eventually you'll come to the recognition it wants unconditional love and

that is not outside you it's who you are and that's why emotional inquiry can take you all the way

to awakening

when it comes to managing money forget the hype and look at the results bill has a trillion

dollars of secure payments powering our bill pay tools instead of just moving money bill is

powering the financial operations of nearly half a million customers so stop the guesswork

and start scaling with the proven choice ready to talk with an expert visit bill dot com slash

proven to get started and grab a $250 gift card as a thank you terms and conditions apply

see offer page for details explore a new spring collection of pieces that take you to the places

you dream about a suitcase filled with heritage inspired suede jackets relaxed linen and dresses

for every adventure discover more at banana republic dot com