018 | OWN IT (W3W) with Toby Brooks

This week, we were fortunate enough to have not one but TWO guests who have made their mark in the performing arts. For Dave Holmes, a four-year stint as an MTV VJ has turned into a successful career as an actor, comedian, author, and most recently podcaster. If you haven’t listened to his 10-part Waiting For Impact show on Exactly Right Media, you are missing out. It is informative, entertaining, and actually was a critical part of my motivation to do THIS show.

My second guest, Jonathan Fruge is a world class performer who has taken stages and captivated audiences around the world in productions including choir, musical theatre, and vocal performance. He overcame tremendous adversity—most recently from the pandemic that shut down his show for months and resulted in him being furloughed and forced to make ends meet picking up a job at a supermarket. 

What stood out to me in talking with both of these wonderful guests was that they were careful to not ascribe blame to anyone or anything as they described their less-than-ideal situations. For Dave, he was even so bold as to specifically point out that his obstacles were almost exclusively of his creation. And for Jonathan, while 2020 certainly proved to be the most difficult year of his life, he recognized that it served an important purpose of putting him back on the right track in his relationship with God and redirecting him toward building his faith again.

To me, this unabashed and unapologetic ownership of the bad without completely piling on and destroying themselves with negative self-talk was inspiring. Far too often for me, I have either side-stepped my role and looked for the person of the circumstance I could blame for my poor outcome OR I took the martyr’s role of taking responsibility while also verbally abusing myself in the process.

There is a fine line between expecting our decisions and behaviors to be sound and demanding perfection. If we can’t seem to muster any grace for ourselves, we become victims of our own abuse. The gashes on our backs and the scars in our minds remain long after, and it was us cracking the whip the whole time.

I’m learning that try as I might, I simply cannot be perfect. At best, I can usually approach “pretty good.” Admitting that and giving myself some credit for the effort is an important step, because if I expect perfection, then I will absolutely be disappointed in myself. And when I am disappointed in myself, it isn’t hard to just throw my hands up in disgust and quit.

I expect best effort. I expect commitment. Those are attainable and those are possible. But perfection? Not going to happen.

Likewise, for both Dave and Jonathan, their “undones” went beyond self. Dave went from an unhealthy butt of jokes late in his career at MTV in the early 200s to a competitive triathlete, marathoner, and crossfitter today. Jonathan’s goals for the future involve sending his two beautiful daughters to college and also seeing them come to Ch

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Becoming UnDone® is a NiTROHype Creative production. Written and produced by me, Toby Brooks. If you or someone you know has a story of resilience and victory to share for Becoming Undone, contact me at undonepodcast.com. Follow the show on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn at becomingundonepod and follow me at TobyBrooksPhD. Listen, subscribe, and leave us a review Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.