199 - Up the PUN

Hey, before we kick off today's episode, just wanted to let you know that we have a brand new way

for you to get involved with your own jokes. All you have to do is head to howtokillanour.com

forward slash jokes. That's howtokillanour.com forward slash jokes. And if you don't want to do

that, you can also click the link in the show description. Dreaming of getting the all-new

iPhone 17 Pro designed to be the most powerful iPhone ever. Then stay in bed and let a boost

mobile expert deliver and set it up for you. Oh, actually, they will have to get up and

open the door. Oh, right. Delivery available for slick devices for just at boostmobile.com

terms apply. Knock knock. Oh, who's there? A boost mobile expert here to deliver and set up

your all-new iPhone 17 Pro designed to be the most powerful iPhone ever. You call that a knock-knock

joke. This isn't a joke. Boost mobile really sends experts to deliver and set up your phone

at home or work. Okay, it's just that when people say knock knock, there's usually a joke to go

with it. Like I said, this isn't a joke. So the knock knock was just you knocking. Yeah, that's

how doors work. Get the new iPhone 17 Pro delivered and set up by an expert wherever you are.

Delivery available for slick devices for just at boostmobile.com terms apply.

Hello, my name is Marcus. Hello, my name is Sean. This is the episode where you send us your

jokes. AKA. Punishment. That's right. It's your first time here. What you do is go to

handskillenow.com forward slash jokes, send your jokes in and you're in with a chance

of getting your jokes read out on our special episode. Now, I feel like I want to give back a

little bit more because I haven't thought about how I'm going to do that. We're going to leave

that point for now and come back to it another time. But please do keep your jokes coming in.

Maybe we go for a theme next in it. We've got some Easter Easter coming up. I mean,

also think there might be. There might be audience joke of the week. What? I'm just putting

it out though. What? But it would need to be. It can't be a non. I don't know. We can't

say something. I can't be a non. Also that. But it can't. No, it needs to be someone that we can

like. Yeah, let us know who you are. Shout you out. Indeed. Yeah, man. We had some great ones coming

in. You know, so yeah, keep them coming in. Time for another. Wait, wait, sure. Are you ready?

I'm ready. Are you ready? Ready. All right, guys. Time for another episode. I don't want to know,

Lee. Unishments.

Little Johnny is looking out of the window on a bright and sunny day. His mum walks up to him and

says, Johnny, why don't you go out and play with Bobby in the playground? Johnny looks at his mum

with a troubled face. Mother, would you go out to play with a kid who's constantly swearing,

smoking and drinking? His mother, who's obviously absolutely shot, says, well, no, Johnny, Johnny,

exactly. And Bobby doesn't want to either. A little Johnny. Oh, my favorite joke. He's so good.

Can we get some little Johnny T-shirts? Yeah, we can. We can get some little Johnny T-shirts. I'm

just saying. Let's get it. But I don't know if I want to walk around with T-shirts. T-shirts

says little Johnny, because it's like back in the day, a saying, a slang saying in London was,

it's not long. Right. A guy had that on a T-shirt. We're in that car and I remember a girl screaming

out to him. It's not a kind of thing you want to be advertised in love. I was like, it's nothing

long long. All right. This one is from Brody. Thank you, Brody. I hope he's Canadian.

You have Brody? Brody? Brody? A man walks into a bar and sees a big barrel full to bursting

with $20 bills. He orders a drink and striking up a conversation with a bartender gets around

to asking. What's the deal with a big barrel of cash? The bartender chuckles and says, oh,

for a $20 entry fee, that can be yours. You just have to complete three tasks. The man perks up

and says, all right, what do I have to do to win? The bartender says, first, you need to do a shot

of this hot sauce brewed from the hottest peppers in the world. After that, there's a pit bull in the

back. Take these pliers and pull out its rotten sawtooth. The man bulks at that that says,

all right, what's the third? The bartender says, there's an old lady who lives above the bar.

Have sex with her until she's satisfied and the money is yours. The man has a few drinks

and thinks about it. Finally, he slapped a $20 bill on the bar. The bartender pulls a shot of

the hottest pepper sauce and the man plugs his nose, downs the shot. Next, the man disappears and

the whole bar hears the dog growling, barking, snapping. He comes staggering back to the bar,

scratch them, bloodied. After he catches his breath, he turns to the bartender and says,

all right, where's this old lady with the bad tooth?

Where you saw that coming, too?

Oh, man, I love it. That's a classic twist in the lion one, isn't it? Right, I got a

show on for you. Dislexix. Dislexix of the world. Untie!

Here's how to stay alive longer so you can enjoy boost mobile's unlimited plan with the price

that never goes up. You're not mistaken, a wasp nest for a piñata. Stay alive and switch now at

boost mobile. After 30 gigs, customers may experience lower speeds, customers will pay $25

as long as they remain active on the boost mobile unlimited plan. The longer you stay alive,

the longer you can enjoy boost mobile's unlimited plan with the price that never goes up,

so here are some tips. Do not parallel park on a cliff if you want to enjoy an unlimited plan with

the price that never goes up. Do not mistake a wasp nest for a piñata if you want to enjoy an

unlimited plan with the price that never goes up. Do not microwave a hardboiled egg if you want to

enjoy an unlimited plan with the price that never goes up. Stay alive and enjoy unlimited wireless

for $25 a month forever with boost mobile. After 30 gigs, customers may experience lower speeds,

customers will pay $25 a month as long as they remain active on the boost mobile unlimited plan.

Oh, dear, I enjoy that. That was good. Mean clean. Straight to the team. That was nothing long.

A little girl was out with her grandmother when they came across two dogs mating on the sidewalk.

Fucking spit pervade. What? Sorry. What are they doing?

That's disgusting. I'll take that back. What? They want two dogs. They're mating.

Then they came across them. I'm sorry. You're adding new layers to the joke.

They're adding new layers to the dogs first. Oh, no, I can't. I'm thinking that.

Sorry. That was actually smutty, smut juice filled joke there. I feel like they missed a trick.

I'm just saying. They didn't miss the dogs. Okay. What are they doing? Ask the girl.

The grandmother was embarrassed. So she said, the dog on top of her is poor and the one underneath

is carrying it to the doctor. They call it thought for a moment and then said, they're just like

people aren't they? What do you mean? Ask grandma. Offer someone a helping hand said the girl

and they will fag you every time. Funny but true. That's a good one.

After his first aid university, a young man calls his mother. I'm doomed. He says, I might as well

just come home now. Oh, honey. She says, what happened? They put us in this big lecture hall. He

begins. There were hundreds of students. The dean walks in and makes this massive welcome speech.

He tells us to look at the person to our right. Then our left and says that one of us wouldn't be

here on graduation day. Oh, dear. He says his mother. Who was on your right? Me Ling. She's an

international student progedy on a full academic scholarship. Oh, dear. She said again. And who's on

your left? The kid side and said the aisle. You're on the head. You did say progedy. Oh,

prodigy. Leave it back. Give me in the comments. I always done that. You know, I spoke about a

Star Trek show called prodigy. And I was said, I always said progedy and that always,

always got, always got stressed anyway. A 60 year old billionaire marries a hot 25 year old.

After that honeymoon, they throw a party celebrating their marriage. After a few drinks,

the billionaires friends want to know the secret of how he landed this 25 year old hottie.

It's simple, the billionaire boss. I lied about my age. I'm 47 years old. Yes, but even for your age,

you did so well. How young did you say that you were? With a smile on his lips, the billionaire

responds 85. He knows what he's doing. A man tells a woman, I'll tell you a joke about my

dick, but it's really, really long. The woman goes, well, I'll tell you one about my vagina,

but you'll never get it. Oh, it's not long. It's not.

Got it. Did you hear about the man who was found guilty of having sex with a banana? No.

He got off on a peel. Oh, look at on a lighter. Oh, my gosh. My girlfriend's yelling at me now

because apparently I ruin her birthday. I don't know how that's possible. I'd even notice her birthday.

What do you call a fish with no eyes? I know this one.

There is. What do you call a fly with no wings? Oh, a walk.

It was the other one. What'd you call a dog with no legs? Anything you want?

Mr. and Mrs. Bigger had a baby. Who was the biggest?

I don't know. Their baby because he was a little bigger.

Doctor, whenever someone gives me a compliment, I want to make love to them at once, no matter who,

no matter where, what do I have? Doctor, beautiful eyes.

A lawyer who's just under concerted, emerges from anesthesia and notices that the room is dark.

They say, Nurse, why are all of the blinds drawn? The nurse says there's a massive fire across the street

and we didn't want you to wake up and think the operation was a failure. That's an old DVD.

I was in bed last night with my other half. They turned to me and said,

if you turn the lamp off, I'll take it up the earth.

Maybe I should have waited for the bulb to cool down.

Oh, spicy. A spicy one to end up on. It's been a bit of a filthy week this week.

I think I started that off. Yeah. That's the name of the episode up the pun.

In it. It's got to be done. Anyway, listen guys, it's been amazing. It's been another episode of

Sean. I've got to say, very much becoming a highlight of my week, reading out some jokes.

We may, like Sean said, matter of a wonderful prize. I mean, might even extend or expand

instead of just jokes and puns. Maybe we'll have other things at dilemma. Maybe Sean. How about that?

I'll tell you what, if people just start throwing it into the jokes form that they fill in,

you might have to read it out, Rob. We might. If there's something that we can't not read out,

it will get read out. I mean, there's no way, but it can be a funny way of saying that. That's great.

It can be anything that can't not ever not not be read out. We definitely won't not,

if it's not read out. Yeah, it could be a dilemma. It could be a story. It could be an am I the

also? Yes. A lot of the case you are. Just fast forward and say yes you are. Anyway,

guys, thank you very much. We'll be with you soon. Oh, how to kill an ad hoc on four slash jokes.

And like Sean said, you want to put something else in there?

Free to. No, no, you just opened it up for.

See you next week, please.

Gotta regret that. I know.

Ha ha.

Boost Mobile is now sending experts nationwide to deliver and set up customers new phones.

Wait, we're going on tour. We're delivering and setting up customers phones. It's not a tour.

Not with that attitude. Introducing store to door, switch and get a new device with

expert setup and delivery delivery available for select devices purchase at boostmobile.com.

Dreaming of getting the all new iPhone 17 Pro designed to be the most powerful iPhone ever.

Then stay in bed and let a boost mobile expert deliver and set it up for you.

Actually, they will have to get up and open the door. Oh, right.

Delivery available for select devices purchase at boostmobile.com.

Terms apply. Big news. Boost Mobile is now sending experts nationwide to deliver and set up

customers new phones at home or work. Wait, we're going on tour. Not a tour. We're delivering

and setting up customers phones. So it's easier to upgrade. Let's get in the door, if I

isn't in the road. No, not a tour bus. It's a regular car. We use to deliver and set up

customers phones at home or work. Are you a group beyond this tour? We deliver and set up phones.

It's not a tour. Oh, you're definitely a groupie. Introducing store to door.

Switch and get a new device with expert setup and delivery wherever you're at.

Delivery available for select devices purchase at boostmobile.com.

Hey, that's the end of the episode. Just a quick reminder that if you want to send

in your own jokes, all you have to do is send them to howtokillanour.com forward slash jokes.

So you go to howtokillanour.com forward slash jokes, fill in the form. Hopefully your joke

will end up on the show. See you next time.