All Over The Road: Episode 227 - Weird Weekend!!

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Comedy!

Hey folks, Mark Norman here, and you're listening to All Over the Road.

This is our fun podcast between us. Don't tell anybody.

Hey folks, here we are, we're all over the road.

It's a weird weekend. I'm sitting with my boy, we're eating apples.

I tried to dip him in peanut butter for him, but he did not care for that.

He flipped out right when I put in his mouth.

He's now staring at me because he's like, well who the hell are you talking to?

He's cute, but it's a beautiful 40-degree sunny Sunday in Brooklyn, New York City.

Yeah, now he's really staring at me.

And I just took my boy to the park, we swung, swang, swung on the swings.

That's like when you say he was hanged, he was hung.

Epstein was hung, well hung.

Now, actually it's an egg-shaped dog, but went to the park, we hit the swings,

and we found a fun move where I push him, I get in front of him and I grab his feet

while he gets close and he would love it.

Then we said, what are we cooking for dinner tonight Fat Man?

He can't talk, so he went, and I said, lasagna it is!

So he looked up lasagna ingredients and I went to the grocery store and I got all the ingredients

and I brought them home and the wife is going to cook it up.

How fun is that? We're going to do the whole layering, with the cheese, the meat, the sauce.

Oh, I can't wait.

See, that was the fun stuff.

Like, we're all lazy now and gay and in our phones and nothing seems worth it now.

You know, because we got everything, here is a look at shit.

The internet obviously changed the game and you're talking to a guy who's 42.

So I was born in 1983, so I had a full life before the internet.

And even when the internet came out, it wasn't really mainstream.

It was like, you know, weirdo program, computer head guys were on it.

And now everybody's on it, obviously, every goddamn day.

But point being, I lived a lot of my life without the internet.

And people would do shit because you didn't have a phone to stare at.

So you would do shit and now you would look at those things.

Like, people can barely get through a movie.

But back when I was a kid, a movie was a treat.

You're like, oh my god, a movie!

This is exciting. It's probably how books were in 1809, you know.

Oh man, a book. This is big news, baby.

So, yeah, I forgot.

My point is we have it really good right now and really bad right now.

It was the, oh shit, you choking?

You all right? Hold on.

Get with that. Easy. Don't put that whole apple in your mouth.

That man, thank god. That was scary.

Jesus Christ.

Scared me.

You had a crazy face going.

All right, let's take a nibble.

All right, that's all the apple you're getting.

Jesus, sorry, I thought my kid was choking on a apple.

I gave him a full slice of apple.

He had the whole thing in his mouth and he was making a face like death was taking over.

So, point being, we got it really good, we got really bad.

We got it really good in the fact that everything is available.

Everything is going to Amazon and buy everything.

You can go watch any movie you want.

Porn is right there. Only fans.

All these things are just readily available, which is good, but it's almost kind of like

you ever read a Midas touch, you know, that old fable?

A Midas touch?

He could get anything he wanted.

And with just a Dibbidi-Bobbidi Boo with a wand or whatever the story was.

No, everything turned to gold.

That's what it was.

And I was thinking about that story.

And I was thinking, we are back to that.

We're back at a Midas touch.

I can look at a girl I know naked for $5.99.

I can every question I have is answered with Google in five seconds.

Every movie I want to watch is pretty much there except for Newshit, obviously.

So, hey, look at that. He's walking.

Whoa!

So, one, two, three.

So, I think we got all that good shit has made it bad because nothing means anything.

Nothing is worth anything. Nothing is exciting.

You know, before I was like, you had to get into a car, go to a movie theater, buy a ticket,

get a seat by a popcorn bucket.

And then you were like, oh man, we earned this baby.

And now we've lost that earning shit.

And then when AI comes, it's going to be even worse.

Baby!

Baby!

Hit it, baby.

Get up those stairs.

It's weird to call a baby, baby, because it's literally a baby.

Come on, baby!

It's like saying, come on, adult.

You got it.

Up, up, up.

He likes to climb the stairs on his hands and knees.

Like a monkey.

Ah, ah, ah.

Come on.

Up and Adam.

There you go.

So, yeah, I think that's just made us a general sadness.

And, excuse me.

I think, hey, thought that was funny.

And I think, what do you love about that?

I think just that shit at our fingertips makes us sad.

Just kind of generally.

And AI is going to be way worse.

And no one's going to have a fucking job on top of it.

And when I'm free time, it's going to be like cope.

Everybody just stairs at the goddamn laptop.

Oh, bad.

It doesn't go outside.

And that's going to be real bad.

Bad.

So, ah.

You're going to climb the stairs or what?

Eh, eh.

All right.

Boy, it's a fun age.

Eh?

Doing whale sounds over here.

So, that was just the thought I had.

Because I watched this documentary last night,

which is on Netflix.

And I fucking highly recommend it as an artist.

And I'm talking writer, sculptor, painter, musician, dancer,

whatever the fuck you're into, watch this goddamn duck

because it's really a love letter to art.

It's called...

What's it called?

The Rhode Island Mall or Living in the Mall?

Something about the mall.

Ah, what the hell is this movie called?

Something about the mall.

Come on.

And it's about...

I don't want to give too much away,

but it's about this artist who...

His house is kind of displaced because they're bulldozing everything

and they're putting a mall in.

And he's pissed about it because he's like,

hey, it's where I live.

I got like...

He lives in this big loft where they play rock shows

and have art exhibits.

And it's just this badass compound full of cheap artists

who live in these old warehouses.

Because there was a lot of mill work back in Rhode Island

in the, you know, New England area.

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Now back to the show.

And Providence was kind of a shithole.

So they tried to save it.

The city tried to save it by building this mall.

And this mall was huge and of giant undertaking.

And these guys were pissed about it because it bulldozed half their shit.

And one of the guys was an art teacher.

And he discovered, I don't want to give anything away,

but he discovered that the mall had this weird,

little construction area that was unused

unlike the third, fourth floor.

So he decided, I bet I can live up here.

You're going to take my house.

I'm going to literally live in the mall.

So, boo, boo, boo.

So he tells some people, he tells some fellow artist friends,

some other cooks, some weirdos, some hipsters.

And they build an apartment in the mall for fun.

It was, it in itself was art.

And then they started going in on this guy,

like he started learning about the guy in the documentary.

And he would go help 9-11 people by doing art.

He would go to a children's hospital and make art for the kids

and include the kids.

And he went to the Oklahoma City bombing site and did art there.

And this is all free.

He did this all out of the goodness of his heart.

Then they found, somebody found, under an overpass

was this crazy art installation.

Crazy art installation.

They don't know who built it and it had all these human bodies

kind of just hanging and just, it was like an exhibit.

But you had to go find it.

It was just for the love of the game.

It was almost like a Banksy thing.

No, no word on who did it.

He's reaching for the mic, watch out.

And it was this guy.

So this guy's broke and weird, but he was obsessed with art

and beating the system and being, being weird and trolling

a little bit, I guess you'd say.

But they got a couch in this place.

They got a fucking TV with a PlayStation.

And they bought China and like a cabinet.

And they put it all up in this small.

It's fucking fascinating.

And then he obviously eventually gets caught by police.

But he lived in there for years.

And it was all about the love of the game.

It was the whole thing is love of the game.

He barely made any money for any of his shit.

He got everyone riled up.

He had a whole group behind him.

They all believed in him.

He was the leader of these artists.

It was fucking fascinating.

And it just reminded me because this all took place

in like 99, 2002, 2001.

And it just reminded me that people used to do shit.

There's no activism in the movie.

There's no, hey, we're a bunch of white guys.

We need to have, you know, a brown purr.

It was just fucking fun, loving, interesting,

weird people doing weird shit for no fucking reason except

because it was funny.

And they enjoyed it.

And they liked hanging out.

And they liked creating things.

And man, oh man.

It was like inspiring because everything now is political

and internet and all this shit and enough's enough.

So it was just refreshing for fuck's sake.

And it was one of those things where, you know,

I'm watching the movie with my wife.

I don't know what it is about women.

I don't mean to generalize, but good luck getting a woman

under 40 to finish a goddamn movie.

They either scroll on their phone or fall asleep.

And I know some women like movies.

You know, what's that name?

The Paula Kale or whatever is the famous movie critic

from the 70s who I think hooked up with Martin Scorsese, by the way.

But, uh, I'm peeing in the kid staring at me.

But yeah, don't touch the toilet water.

Don't touch it.

Don't touch its gross.

But yeah.

So, great movie.

Really interesting.

Everything in documentary is supposed to be just kind of

crazy, weird.

It shows you another world.

Um, just loved it.

It was one of those, you know, you're watching it alone.

The wife's asleep on tapia.

On the couch in the middle of the night.

And you're alone.

And I kind of...

I kind of, uh...

You know, they say you get like more emotional on a flight.

What the fuck is going on with this thing?

You get more emotional on a flight.

I feel like that with, um,

all being alone watching a movie at night.

I just, like, it hits me harder.

They also say stand up.

It's harder when it's just audio.

You know, like, um...

You know, seeing stand up live is great.

But if you're going to listen to it at home,

I think you're better off, um, audio.

You see it?

You look at the person.

It takes you out of it a little bit.

You go audio with stand up.

That's way better.

So...

I'm wrestling with the little guy.

Oh, yeah.

Ah!

Ooh!

Hey, hey, go, go, go, go, go, go.

Um, but yeah.

Highly recommend.

Go watch it.

And then if we're doing recommendations,

I got another one for you.

Buckle up, folks.

This show is well, so well done.

Now, it's not the most original idea for a show.

And it's probably been done to death.

And, uh...

But this one, they just nailed it.

Because they got the editing down.

The editing is so good.

It's called neighbors.

It's on HBO.

And the editing is incredibly funny.

The way they edit it and put it together and package it.

It's gold.

And they found these fucking weirdos all over the country.

They just did one in Florida.

They did one on a goat farm.

They did one on a...

Whoa!

Don't fall off the bed.

Ha, ha, ha.

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

But, uh, they're fucking great.

Great show.

It's funny.

It's interesting.

It's a slice of life.

It's like a...

A study on human beings.

Because they find the weirdest people.

And it's kind of a commentary on where we're at politically.

Because obviously they're right and they'll have to hate each other.

They're both a monolith.

They both think the other one is right.

The other one is wrong.

Whatever it is.

But, uh...

This show just shows you that like...

These two people will go to like a courtroom.

And they'll do small claims court.

And they'll be like, uh...

You're on our...

This lady's a bitch.

She keeps stepping on my property.

And she's crazy.

And all this shit.

And they show the footage.

And she never was on this property.

And she thinks he's crazy.

And he thinks she's crazy.

And they're both just kind of up their own ass.

And they lie a lot.

And they'll say whatever they got to say to win.

And you're like, this is really...

People getting stuck in this loop of like,

I'm right, you're wrong.

And even when you prove them wrong,

they can't see it.

Or they can't accept it.

And it's fucking fascinating.

It's all human nature shit.

And you gotta watch it.

It's good.

Baby, baby, baby, baby.

He's learning how to push buttons.

He wants to play music and put music on.

It's very nice.

He's got a little autonomy, as they say.

Autonomy, agency.

How about I ran, huh?

This shit's crazy.

I mean, things are happening.

Things are happening.

Things are moving.

Look, I don't want anybody to die.

I'm not a fan of war.

But I do want these people over there to be free.

I don't know why this is controversial.

Women should not have to be where cover their faces.

Gays shouldn't be thrown off a roof.

You know, a lady showed a little skin a couple of years back

and they beat her to death.

Why isn't that talked about every day?

We gotta keep talking about Sidney Sweeney,

wearing jeans or whatever.

What about this fucking lady got beaten to death?

I know it was done by brown people,

but still important.

So, I hope the Iranian people,

you know, you see these photos of Iran from, like, 1978.

The women are wearing mini skirts.

They're driving around in convertibles.

Frank Sinatra is playing the arena.

It's incredible.

And then, now, it's...

Cut your clip off where I fucking turbine your bitch.

So, yeah, people are celebrating in the streets.

I mean, the guy is an evil piece of shit and he's dead.

So, that's good news, but I know Trump did it,

so we're not allowed to be happy about it.

I don't know.

Also, I don't know.

We hate dictators.

Don't we hate dictators?

This guy's a dictator.

So, I'm not saying it's going to fix all the problems in the world,

but I think it's a start and might as well start somewhere.

There you go, fat man.

Yeah, good job.

He's learning how to stand up on his own.

Da-da!

Okay, okay.

It's funny.

He's just learning to walk,

and he's, like, struggling with it,

but also enjoying it.

And basically, him learning to walk is kind of like us.

Playing a video game, you know?

He's like, oh, I'm getting better at it.

Oh, I got to the next level.

Oh, I beat the boss.

There you go.

So, yeah, this Iran shit's crazy.

No one knows how to feel, but I like it.

I don't like war again.

I don't want anybody to die.

Also, would you see that a school got blown up,

which is horrible, like 50 kids died.

And Iran is the one who shot the missile.

And it was like it just backfired

and shot their own school,

so they fucking killed their own people.

You know, it'd be real easy to go,

hey, we fucked up.

Why'd we shoot a school?

We're evil, but nope.

It was them on accident.

So that was kind of fun.

Ba-ba-ba!

Somehow this ties up to punch the monkey.

I don't know how we're going to get back to that.

I'm trying to find a joke that gets us back to punch the monkey.

But, yeah, we're having fun, folks.

Dad, dude, he's walking around.

Woop! Any film is this.

He's all right.

He's all right.

Try not to react when he falls.

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

Just got back from Vegas.

Where else did I go?

I went to Vegas.

Flagstaff Arizona, which is so cute.

Cute little hippie-dippie mountain town.

And, uh, college town.

Flagstaff.

And we drove to Suaharita right outside of Tucson.

Like, 20 minutes outside of Tucson.

And that was cool.

We did a casino.

So we did Vegas.

I did Club Shasha, which was fucking great.

He was a sweet guy.

He gave me a bottle of cognac.

Which I drank a lot of.

And then, he...

I was late.

I'll tell you all about it.

My flight was all delayed.

I went to the lounge.

Because I had to eat something.

That's a...

A...

Miss...

No.

Not misleading.

What's the word I'm looking for?

That is a...

Miss...

What's the word I'm looking for?

It's a misconception.

Maybe that's better.

But...

What a...

Point is, the flight is so fucking long to Vegas, I forgot.

I...

I did the thing where I booked a seat.

And I was like, this is a good seat.

Window...

Eight...

Eight A.

So I'm like, right up behind first class.

But I hate when you're up on the wall.

You know when your feet hit the wall and you can't stretch your foot out.

I'd rather put my foot under the seat in front of me.

What's up?

You hungry?

You want to eat?

Let's eat.

All right.

And...

But I was up against the wall.

I didn't know it.

I thought it could be one of those things, but there's a little bit of a wall, but your feet can still go under.

This was a full-on wall.

And it sucked.

Yeah.

There you go.

Take a bite of that.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Uh...

And I had the fact guy next to me who played Angry Birds for like...

Literally four and a half hours and then he fell asleep and his fucking fat shoulders were all over me.

God, I hated that guy.

Mmm.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm just like, we had the middle seat open and you just see him coming down the aisle and you're like, man, your fat is ruining my life.

Second hand fat, I always say.

There you go.

Um, being thin, you never bother anybody else like again.

You can be fat.

I don't care.

I don't care if you're fat.

I like fat people.

I've slept with fat women.

But...

I'm coming.

I'm coming.

Come on.

Come on.

But if you're impeding on my shit, now we got a problem.

Oops, slow it down, slow it down.

So I need to think of another line for that.

Second hand fat.

I know I'm not going to go to the hospital for it, but...

It's just not fair.

Not fair to other people.

Also, how about these people?

And this is going to hit a nerve with somebody listening.

You know those people who get into a relationship and then bulk up.

That's kind of shitty, huh?

Man or woman?

I don't care who you are.

Like, sometimes you hook up with this hot girl you fall in love,

hot guy fall in love, and then they just let themselves go.

And you're like, wait a minute.

You supposedly love me and now you don't try.

That's shitty.

So, not down with that.

I don't eat this shit up the ground.

So yeah, hate that.

But you had the fat guy.

Flew in, of course, the little delayed.

And then I had to go to the lounge because I had to eat something.

I had to eat in all day.

And it was 2 p.m. L.a. times it was 5.

I had to eat in all day and it was 5.

And I was like, if I don't eat anything for this pot,

I'm going to be a little wonky.

And I know we're drinking.

So, I run out of the lounge.

I wolf down some food.

I chug three cups of coffee.

I get right.

And then I go get my rental car.

And I'm never doing Avis again.

Fuck Avis.

Avis did a thing where you wait in line.

You get your car.

And then they go, stand in G8.

We're going to have a guy bring you your car.

I guess they want to fill it up and wash it.

I don't give a shit if you fill it up and wash it.

Well, fill it up and don't wash it.

So, I waited in G8 for like 20 minutes.

And I was like, I got to go.

You want some more rice?

All right.

So, I had to keep texting the guy.

I was like, hey, I'm so sorry.

I'm in G8.

They won't fucking bring me my car.

And they were very nice.

But the guy did his goddamn homework.

We had a couple awkward moments where I went to many black jokes

in a row, I think.

But we had a good time.

Did!

Hey.

Who?

There you go.

Eat the rice.

We must have done two hours.

And then I probably edited a few things.

I said, retard.

I think you got weird about that.

I said, fag.

You got weird about that.

I got weird with, we talked about the N word because of the Tourette's guy.

And, oh man.

This is making a big mess.

And I think we had a good combo.

He was super nice.

He's a really talented.

Ooh, baby, you're all chubbed up, aren't you?

You want more, don't you?

Well, you got to sign up for the rest.

I hate to do it, folks, but I got about 19 pods cooking.

20 jokes to write.

17 cities to see.

And 18 kids to dead of mine.

But hey, if you want the rest, get on board.

Go chime in, sign up.

And do it up, folks.

Patreon.com slashmarkdome.

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Behind the scenes.

We're all over the road.

Get on it.

We're all over.