All Over The Road: Episode 229 - LA Time!!

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Hey folks, Mark Norman here, and you're listening to all over the road.

This is our fun podcast between us. Don't tell anybody.

Hey, hey folks, it's me. What's shaking? I'm trying to squeeze it all in.

Well, first let me set the goddamn table here. It is 9.15 in Los Angeles, California.

It's a beautiful day. The weather out here is unreal. Every time I get here, I think of that fucking quote from Swingers,

where John Favreau is sad because he got dumped.

And what's the guy's name from office space? Ron Livingston goes, dude, perk up, I get it.

But we live in LA. It's sunny every day here.

Not so much in New York guys who go out to LA to make it his actor. It's a great movie, but I just love that line.

Dude, it's sunny every day. Chill out. It's so true.

Drop my mic, sorry.

So, yeah. It's a special place. I mean, look, it's dirty. It's got some problems. It's dingy, whatever.

But LA is great to visit. I did the store in the improv last night. I had a blast. I like it here.

I don't know if I'd want to live here because of the traffic, but I mean, you could do a cool four months out here and just enjoy the hills and los filas is amazing.

I did a podcast yesterday in Los Felas and I was like, this is insane.

My friend has this crazy view of Griffith Park and he's got his portion, his garage. He's got a swimming pool.

And I'm like, this is good living. What the hell am I doing with the snow and the rats and the hobos and the quifes?

But God, Dave, it's been a whirlwind. Five podcasts today. It's 9 a.m. I'm leaving in, you know, 20 minutes to go to Rich Eisen.

Then I go to Bobby Lee. Then I go to Harlem, Williams. Then I go to Rick Glassman, I believe.

And I said, oh, is there a Santina? Who am I forgetting? I'm forgetting one. But yeah, it's going to be a lot. I'm Ubering everywhere. I'm so sick of Ubering.

You know, I just just nice just jumping the car, but then it's also nice to not park.

But yeah, it's going to be a long day and then I'm taking a red eye home.

I landed 6.30 in the morning. I'm going to try to get home in time to wake up my boy at 8 a.m.

And then I'm going to wake him up, hug him, and go to bed.

And then I got a pod in New York that day. So it is going to be a slog, baby. I'm up against it.

Boy, I got the Rogan episode. It's about to hit a million club, Shay Shay did really well. A lot of people are mad at me.

Special still in the top 10. I don't know by the time this is a Monday. I'm talking to you guys.

So we're not number eight right now, which I was hoping to get to like two or three.

But hey, just the fact that I'm still there. I'll take it. And I don't know if it's ever happened. I'm doing so many pods.

I got Stavros next week. I mean, I'm doing all these big ones. But I don't know if a something has ever gone back down in Netflix history.

Like, can you go from eight to six? Is that a thing? I don't know.

But there's 20 new things on Netflix this week. And so, you know, feeling pretty good.

Yeah, but Ellie is not cheap. Man, I went to Mel's diner yesterday. I got a meatloaf and a juice. And it was $50.

Oh my God. How do you spend $50 at a diner with one person? A diner used to go there and it was like, you know, eggs, bacon, potatoes, toast, and a coffee.

And it was, you'd walk out there. It was like $8.99. Remember, diners should be cheap. They write it on the check. They circle it. You can barely read it. You know the drill.

And, you know, $8.99. I'll leave $11 and you're out of there. More $12, whatever. Now diners have kicked it up.

So, yeah, I wish you could see what I'm seeing. I'm at the Andas Hotel on Sunset Boulevard. I'm just looking out.

I would want to Los Angeles. The smog is thick. Sun's not up yet. It looks pretty gray out there, which is strange for LA. But what are you going to do?

Yeah, I did the store. Nicole brought me up. Always fun. Watch some great comics. There's some great comics in LA. I know there's a big New York LA bullshit, but fucking E and Edwards man. That guy is so good.

He's so smart. And his takes are great. And just being at the store is cool. My new 15 is is humming. Let's see. What else? What else?

I don't know what to do with Rich Eisen. What the hell? I mean, he's big time. So I'm living out of a suitcase. All my clothes are smelly and wrinkled.

Yeah, I got to tell you I did all these paws and looking back. It's just like a, it's like a jerk store. It's like high school where you think of like eight great things.

Like I should have said this. I should have said that. So yeah, bummer. But what can you do? It's already out there. And you got to learn from it. You can't dwell. You got to learn.

So I'm getting there. I got a new. This is guy I look up to. This brilliant guy. His name is Navale. Navale Ravacant.

And he's like this intellectual. He's an investor. But he's just, he's got the best points takes. He's got a great mind. And he's got a new pod out. I'm going to listen to that on the flight home. But I'll tell you, I got a Xanax ready. I'm taking that fucking, I'm trying to get as many hours on that flight as I can get.

And I'm praying to God of the airport isn't, you know, you see these photos on online of like, oh, the TSA line is backed up to the parking lot or it's a wrapping around baggage claim. You're like, good God.

And then Trump's time are putting ice there. How funny is that? I mean, that's comedy to me. Ice is like, I'm going to sign up and fucking crack heads.

And put some immigrants back into in the cages or whatever the hell. I'm bringing them back to Mexico. And then they're like, oh, yeah, can you mind a second TSA helping a guy take his belt off and patting him down. He's going to Vegas for a bachelor party.

Hey, do you mind helping this old lady into a wheelchair? And she's trying to get to Florida. Hey, do you mind telling everybody to take their toiletries out of their bag and shoes off or whatever the hell?

Well, that would suck to be an ice agent like, oh, God, I got to mode it to airport security. God damn, I got into this to fucking hit people with a with a baton.

Oh, look, look, I mean, hey, people need help. I fly every goddamn week. So I want this shit to move too. But I'm just saying at the point of view of an ice agent, that's got to suck to go from like cleaning up the streets in their mind too.

Ah, I'm working a terminal for. Yeah, yeah, Southwest. Yeah, sir, sir, could you a jacket off in the bin? Come on, all electronics, anything metal? Okay, could you walk through again? We saw your beep there. That's got to suck. Yeah, whoo.

Ice in the airport. Whoo. Why am I tired already? It's like I just woke up. I got like seven hours of sleep. I took two sleeping pills and edible. And what else did I take?

Took something else. I don't remember, but yeah, I'm up against it. Oh, baby.

I didn't have one drop of alcohol last night. And people tried. See, that's one thing that's tough about drinking is like, didn't have one drop of alcohol. And it's weird. It's a Sunday night. That shouldn't be this big, big grand, you know, with holding or what's the word discipline.

I shouldn't take a lot of discipline. Oh, my God, you're going to go out on a Sunday to do some shows and work on some material. Good luck dodging that alcohol. It's a fucking Sunday. I'm not meeting anybody to bar. I'm not going out. I'm not celebrating anything. I should be able to not get hammered.

So got to the whole night. You know, you get to the improv. I did the improv in the store. I get to the improv and they're like, Oh, you want to drink? We got bodega cat. I'm like, I'm good. They're like, Whoa, what are you sober now? I'm like, No, no, I just don't want to drink at this exact moment.

Lay off. Then, you know, you're in the green room talking it up with the comic guy comes in. You need a drink. I'm good. Hey, you want to do a shot? I am good. I'm good. All right. All right. You've changed.

I'm just having, I'm having a diet coke. Leave me alone. Then I run a hell. I haul asked to the comedy store to the original room and it's great. A lot of good comics and this guy comes with me. I guess he's like a fan or a Tuesday or something. He's like, I just bought you a paper plane with bodega cat.

With bodega cat. Here you go. And this is where it gets tough because this is what you're like, this poor guy. He knows my drink. He knows my liquor. He knows me. He went out of a, this is probably like $17. This fucking cocktail. And he went out of his way. He bought it. He walked up to me. And this where you feel like a hot lady. You know where you're like, I don't want this, but I don't want to be mean.

But he, he put it in some effort here and some money. But I don't want it. And I just, I had to like come clean with the guy. I was like, A, I get free drinks. So I feel bad that you bought me one. B. I think it's really cool that you know what I like. And you know my, my liquor. And I appreciate that. But I'm not drinking a magnet. He was like, I just saying.

It's a hell of a cocktail here. Got it just for you. And I'm like, I know I appreciate it. But I've been hung over for two days straight. I'm on no sleep. I don't want any alcohol right now. And he was like, damn. All right. Geez. Okay. Whatever. And I'm like, God, don't give me the, the pissy. I got rejected by about I'm not rejecting you. I just, it's not personal. I just don't want the booze. And he was kind of like, all right, all right.

He was nice about it. But I could tell he was like, I thought this would go completely the opposite. So that sucked. But that was it. Those are my only two obstacles. And I got through it. And I got to tell you I'm glad I did.

Because I slept pretty good and woke up. Not hung over. And that's a good day. I'm winning my book. And look, that's a two by own anal. But I'm a pretty nimble guy. You know, I got, I got no body fat. I'm, I'm not super old. I mean, I'm 42. But I can still jump around and rally and hang in there. And.

Yeah. So when I'm hung, when I'm hung over, it takes me way down. Like I'm just ruined. My brain is foggy. I'm tired. You don't get any sleep. Yeah. You're sluggish. But when I don't drink, I'm like, I'm, I'm on it, baby. I'm fucking daredevil. So I should just do this more often.

If I could just not drink all the time, like, if you, if you really clock it, all the comics who used to drink a ton and then stopped blew up. Malini used to be a drunk. Stop drinking. Huge killer comic. TV shows. He's in movies. He's got specials. Great.

Nikki Glazer. Nikki Glazer was kind of a booze bag. You know, she was a Midwestern lush. And she lost weight. She, I mean, look at her career. She's hosting the Golden Globes. She'll probably host the Oscar soon.

Just giant. I think she was top 10 and Forbes. High as gross and comedians. So, I mean, she's killing it. Then you got Napar gotsy. Got sobering. Napar gotsy was already cooking. But look at him now. Crazy. I mean, arenas and movies and amusement parks. He's fucking Willy Wonka. He's like the Mr. Beast of comedy.

Who else? Well, we can do this all day. Joe list. Joe list got sober. And he's like putting out YouTube videos every fucking week. He's got two podcasts. He, he's got fucking four YouTube specials that are all an hour. Just prolific, prolific, prolific.

Because if you really start adding up the days, you know, Kobe once said, uh, if I'm in the gym, if I'm practicing on the court an hour more than you every day, over a year, that's like, you know, almost 400 extra hours that I've clocked that you haven't. And that's just from doing extra hour a day.

So, um, over time, it compounds. And, uh, I think, like, think about every hangover I've had every fucking hangover where you just want to lay in bed, keep the shades closed, uh, drink gatorade, then piss in the bottle because you don't want to get up.

And you, you turn your phone off, you, uh, you know, you just shut down. You just can't, I can't go out my anxieties up. So that's just kind of a day lost.

Now, compound that over a couple of years and I've lost, you know, half a year or whatever. And whereas they've been cruising for half a year and just crushing it and writing and building and posting and whatever.

So, it adds up. That's all I'm saying. And I know people hate to hear that, but you can hate it all you want. It's fucking true.

So, you know, some people like roll their eyes like, all right, geez, you missed one day. Shut up. No, no, you can say that because you've probably feel shitty about it. And you feel a little shame about it. But that's the breaks.

So, you can tell me to shut up, but you keep doing what you're doing. Um, people used to give me shit all the time for that kind of stuff. You know, when I was starting out, I'd run around and do open my, after open my, then I do a bar show, the bar show. And they were like, okay, man, how many sets you do tonight? I don't know, I was like, I don't know four. And they're like, Jesus, relax, man.

There's no need to do it. I was like, well, why did you just go do what you do? I enjoy doing four sets. You know, like I used to do a bunch of late night sets all the time. And look, we can all agree late night. Ain't what it used to be.

You know, what the views are very low. But, and I get the whole work harder, not, wait, work smarter, not harder. I get that.

But, it takes me a long time to develop material. I have to try the jokes over and over. I lose my fastball very quickly. So, let me just do it. I do it. Stop yelling at me because you feel a hint of shame.

You know what I mean? Oh, you're doing four sets. All right. Hey, hey, you got to rest. You got to tone it down. You got to recharge, man. I don't need to. I'm an ox. I'm out there. I'm nimble.

All right. So, I think what I'm going to do is I have no car. I got no hotel checking out today. I think what I'm going to do is go downstairs.

Give the bag to the lady in line and say, hey, I'm going out to lunch or breakfast. Can you, uh, can you watch this car or our bag and then just come back at like fucking seven p.m.

Get the bag and then go to the airport. Well, once last time you get a red eye. That's going to hurt. And you always go, hey, five and a half hour flight. All right. I'll probably get like five hours of sleep.

But we all know you fucking get on there. You put a movie on. Yeah, you get the meal. You know that they have food sometimes and now you're eating the food. You could be sleeping.

And yeah, just never ends. So then you then you're, then you start looking at the clock and you're like, okay, if I fall asleep now, I get three hours. All right. If I fall asleep now, I get two and a half.

And even if you do fall asleep, you wake up half hour in and then you, you check the clock. How long do I sleep? Oh, I always slept 40 minutes. Shit. Go back to sleep. But then you can't and you'd look at your phone.

I told you, I got a friend. He can sleep from wheels up to wheels down. It's like time travel. I'm so jealous of this. If I had this ability, I would be.

You know, Elon Musk. If I had this, I mean, this guy will fly to L.A. Get five full REM hours of sleep and then just go, go about his business in L.A. Could you imagine getting an extra five like even if he slept four hours that night and then he got on a flight to L.A.

That means he's getting nine hours of sleep that day. I mean, that's insanity. I'm so jealous. Super power. I always thought that's a fucking superpower. Even if you fly to Atlanta, which is like two hours, you get an extra two hours.

Then they do that whole thing where they're like, actually, two hours of sleep on a nap is worse for you. I don't know. I mean, at this point, I'm grinding so much today. I'll take a little groggy for an extra two hours. Fuck off. Let's do this. All right. Rich eyes and I don't know anything about sports. So this will be interesting. And then Harlan will be, that'll be fun.

But that takes a lot of brain power. You got to really cook with Harlan because he's a quick mind. And Bobby Lee, he's a fucking pro. That'll be fun. And then a glassman. I'm going to be on few. If you listen to my glassman podcast, I don't know, two weeks, whatever it comes out, you will hear me really, really on few. I mean, that tank will be empty. But I'm going to fucking do it.

I've already seen comments on podcasts. This guy get enough of this guy. Jesus Christ. All right. I will talk to you later. I'm going to go downstairs. Okay. Godspeed. We'll be right back.

We're back in New York. I'm walking down Atlantic Avenue in Brooklyn. I'm going to do a pod. But I had a couple errands to run. Remember errands?

Aaron Hernandez. Aaron Neville. Aaron. See, I got to go. So here's what's weird. I have a doctor. And he is a, he's like a friend. We met in the old single years when I'd get all kinds of diseases and whatnot.

But he was always a helpful guy. And I'd be like, Hey, I got the flu. He's like, let me write you something. Hey, I got the, I got a, I need a propitia. He goes, Hey, I'll get it for you. So he always hooked me up with propitia with the, because you have to get a prescription for that. So he would hook me up with refills.

And I just texted him. And I texted him like two weeks ago, nothing, because I noticed I was running out of pills. Just for a nice refill, nothing. Then called him. And I got the dude.

This number is out of whatever. So that's over. So I'm going to go in to the pharmacy and try to just sweet talk myself into a refill, which obviously my wife, my wife's a big poo-poor.

One time I said, Hey, I'm going to go return these pants. They don't fit. She goes, they're never going to take those back. You warm around the city. And I go, Well, let's try. She goes, Ah, it's not even worth it. I'm not going to take them back. And I go, Well, let me try. It's like, Oh, so I went in and they returned them. They took them. So she's a big noir. She's, she's, she's always says note everything. Oh, I think I missed the train.

Oh shit, Mr. Dre. You know what? I'm taking the two three. Fuck this.

So.

I went the wrong way. I'm going to play again.

Shit.

Yeah, so I want to go see what happens if they say yes. Then I'm going to go to Chase Bank because somebody got my debit card or credit card or something.

And my card got declined or canceled. So now I got to go. I ordered a new card. They sent it to me. I had a mail. I never got it. I called them. I said, Hey, I never got it. They said, All right, we'll say you a new one.

They said that one. That was a month ago. I haven't gotten that. So now I'm, I'm going down there. Then of course the life is like, they're not going to take the car. They're not going to let you do it in person. You got to do it over through mail.

And she might be right, but I'm going to try. Also, how do you not do it in person seems like a person would be more reliable than through the mail or anybody can just steal it.

Which I'm pretty sure is what happened. So somebody's using my debit card right now, bro. Two of them. They're two of them in the mail. So hopefully it's not a debit. It's just gone. Right.

That was a bank's make money.

Maybe you're all chubbed up, aren't you? You want more, don't you? Well, you got to sign up for the rest. I hate to do it folks, but I got about 19 pods cooking, 20 jokes to write, 17 cities to see, and 18 kids to dead of mine.

But hey, if you want the rest, get on board, go chime in, sign up and do it up, folks. Patreon.com slashmarkdome, and we got videos, we got clips, we got bonus stuff behind the scenes. We're all over the road. Get on it.