Duct Tape Dynasty

0:00When fall comes back around, there's a sense of a reset. And new pieces from Lululemon's fall drop are an inspiration to push your goals and elevate your routines. As your calendar fills, easy to layer styles meet the demands of your day. And as you challenge yourself to try even more, versatile sets transition with you. The Lululemon fall lineup brings new levels of comfort and confidence, whether you're starting something fresh or starting something over. Check out the latest arrivals in store at on Lululemon.com now. This episode is brought to you by Chat GPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons podcast. Have you guys heard about Chat GPT work? It's the new way to use Chat GPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, you have Chat GPT work access to your apps and files and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides and structured reports. Let's start it at chat GPT.com by selecting Work Mode, Available on Plus and Pro Plants. Ready, one, two, three.

1:09Patriots, Patriots, Patriots, Black Patriots, Brown Patriots. Anybody we left off, we love you. If anybody actually still supports, Mr. I just changed my hair color from orange to chestnut and psycho tweet. If anybody really actually still supports him, what can they do, Pumps? Fuck off, fuck off, fuck off! Oh my God. That is so good, Pumps. I'm glad to see that. I mean, I'm bringing the energy today to tell Trump to fck off. Josh Welch is here. Josh, what are you going to do with it? Good morning. I'm trying dangerously to stay away from bathroom habits because I've used all of mine up, but I've got one and it's sort of an interesting one. This weekend I'm in town with our son and his girlfriend and we go to a restaurant and I go to the bathroom and I realize that inside the bathroom they're blaring music like you would blare to a terrorist, you know, like, Talika, I guess that loud.

2:13C-I-A black sight. No, it is. It's like it's that loud. And then it dawned on me and the bathroom was perfect. Like it was a one-seater, you locked the door. It had all the amenities like it was just perfect. Like literally a guy like me could spend hours. But then I realized that this is kind of a trick. This is a trick because you get in there and you think that, okay, I can really sort of take some time here and do what I need. And then you realize this music is so fcking loud. They turn it up really loud on purpose. It's intentional because they say, hey, we're going to give you this safe space, but we're not going to let you abuse it. You get three to five minutes in here and you can't stand it any longer than that because it's a loud music. And I thought that's kind of brilliant. That's kind of genius that you would do that. So anyway, that was my take on. Well, we couldn't believe it. It came back from the restroom so quickly. And I was like, what's going on here? Okay. And he goes, the bathroom was perfect, but they were just blaring the music.

3:15And I thought, oh, it's CIA black side stuff, which is a good to note, listener. Right. If you want people to stay out of your restroom in your house, if you have a party, just like have the remote and just crank it up, just blare it. I thought it was brilliant. And on top of all that, it was kind of one of these kind of liberal type vegan style restaurants that was healthy and proper and all that shit. And so I even had more respect for them that they would sort of torture me at the session. I was like, okay, I like that. Let's go. That's dark. That's dark. We can have some. Loved it. All right. I'm sort of you had it with. Okay. I've had this crud in my head for days on end. I've had it with my breath being so bad. I could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon. I am so self conscious because my it's just not and I can't breathe through my nose.

4:18I am scraping. I am brushing. I'm gargling with mouthwash. And I went out one time over the weekend. And I was like hiding my mouth. Somebody said hi to me. And I like I knew him and I was talking. And I put my I am so paranoid about how bad my breath is. And I just I was driving home from the grocery store and I thought, this is your karma. You sit around and you bitch about people that get in your personal space with bad breath. And now your karma bitch has caught up with you because you are mowing down the world. And I'm to the point now it's never going to ever not be insecure about how bad my breath is. And I just I'm obsessed with it. I think even my dogs are grossed out. It's so bad. How are you? It's difficult to get a sniff of one one's own breath. I have what's your tactic here? I haven't sniffed it. I don't even know if it's bad.

5:18But my mouth tastes so bad. It's like you wake up in college and you smoked three packs of cigarettes and have 87 beers and your mouth is fuzzy. That's how my mouth has been for like six days. So I can only assume that my breath is horrible and so I'm just paranoid. Have you received any feedback from are you close to people at all like when you go to the gym you work out with a trainer right and you work out with other people. Has anybody shared with you that? That this is a problem? No, nobody shared with me. But it's just I feel like the taste in my mouth is so bad it has to be bad. So it's a self diagnosis of chronic calatosis without confirmation. Correct. Correct. Okay. Alright. It's it's that being sick and having a head cold is terrible. I hope you feel better soon. Alright, let me tell you all what I've had it with. We've talked a lot about these PR companies that come up with stupid shit, right?

6:20So I'm walking to the studio the other day and I walked past it. It's like a little bus stop and it had like an ad on the side of the bus stop. And it said it was either Chase or Citibank one of these and it says we're not writers. But we help our clients shape their financial stories. What I have to say about that is here's a never one that's stupid. I'm never going to walk by there and go oh my god. Citibank doesn't write but they shape stories. They're not writers, they're shapers. And what I want to know is like when the brain trust that came up with this we're not writers but we help our clients shape their financial stories. I want in a real sick fucked up way. I want a reality show where they're hidden cameras when they're doing this. I would be entertained forever. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. We're shapers, not writers. And we do shape stories.

7:22We don't write stories. It's stupid. Nobody is going to say I'm banking there because they don't write. They shape. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. What how many people have come in off the street and said, you know what? I'm closing my bank account with X bank and I'm coming to you because I realize you're shapers and I want to be shapers. I want my financial story shaped, not written. And I saw in a bus stop that you all do that. And so I am leaving Wells Fargo and I am 100% on board with this jet stream of bullshit. You were saying it's just that we're trying to make something banking into something like that should be in the literary world. I've had it with this. This is the crossover. There's nothing like, I don't know. I just want to know what went behind it. I want to know the conversations that we're had. I want to know what was thrown in the trash to favor this one over other.

8:24If that's their best foot forward, what were the others? How bad was it? And most people, if I were living in New York, I'm going to work and I came across. What do you mean, I'm confident? Well, just like early at 7. I'm not confident. No, you know, get on the subway. You know, you got a backpack. You're just going. You're working. Like you got a bottle of water. You're humpin' it. Humpin'. So, if I was and I came across some slogan like that, I'm afraid I'd just get fuckin' mad. You're mother fuckers, right? And this bill is soft, go bullshit. And here we are out humpin' it, trying to make a living. Chase doesn't give a fuck about that. Chase just wants a bunch of money. That's what they want. Aren't they part of the huge mortgage scandal that happened to be out there? I think they're in the EBSD file. Yeah. Just one big vent over a fog after another. Let's make it about some kind of family journey and then we can fuck you even harder. That's what I think about that.

9:24All right, ladies. I don't know if it's just me or if you've been feeling off lately and just calling it normal, low energy, mood all over the place, brain fog, changes in your cycle. Sometimes you just don't feel like yourself in your own body. Well, I have a fix for you and it's called Primal Queen. I've started using this product and I immediately started noticing more energy every single day. I'm thinking clear and overall, I just feel so much more like myself. It's absolutely loaded with nutrients that are hard to get in meaningful amounts of food from a lot of modern diets. I'm talking about B12, zinc and copper. These items help support energy, mood and cognitive function, which is a big reason women turned to Primal Queen when they're feeling drained or foggy. Primal Queen has over 25,000 reviews into 4.6 star ratings. So listen for a limited time.

10:25You are getting a full, free month, a Primal Queen plus four free gifts at PrimalQueen.com slash had it. It's PrimalQueen.com slash had it to get a free month and four free gifts today. And after you purchase, they'll ask where you heard about them. Please support our show and let them know that we sent you. All right. Let's let's talk about some news stories that happened. Pop this up Kylie. A passenger was duct taped to his seat after allegedly making racist and anti-gay remarks on an American Airlines flight. Going to DMZ, TMZ, the man allegedly used the inward toward a black flight attendant and became violent, hitting another passenger and pushing a woman who tried to help. Passengers helped restrain him with the duct tape and zip ties before the flight was diverted to Baltimore where he was taken into custody. And I think this is a situation.

11:27TMZ got the video of the incident. Pop this up. Let's look at it. Pop it up. Open the lash. Open the lash. Stop it. You're not going in here. Yeah. Yes, I'm going in. Right here in the house. All right. So as you can see, there's TMZ showing all of that. What I think is what's happening is a lot of these people that live like intro social are getting outside of that bubble and they are so clueless as to like this shit doesn't work. Like this shit is not going to work and you're going to get your ass duct tape. This guy 100 percent, 1 million trillion percent. I don't know this for a fact, but I would bet everybody I love is a life on it, triple trapped. Yeah. I've got another addition to this. And this gentleman that was duct tape to his seat. Now, down where I grew up in Hucco, we would tell people like this that he's lucky.

12:31Like he's lucky by saying those kind of things to people like that that he didn't just get his fucking ass whipped, that he didn't get hurt really, really bad. Being duct tape is a gift for this guy. You say this kind of shit. And I think you're right. You get outside the bubble. You know, and Trump has made all this stuff normal. These young kids that we see, these young white kids that are in college and they normalize a lot of this stuff too. It's just like, and then you get around people and you realize that our country is diverse. There's so many different types of people everywhere when you get on a plane, when you land in an airport, and it's unacceptable. And we're going to see more and more of this kind of stuff, unfortunately, but where I said, like anything short of just being pretty much just ass whipped is a gift for this guy. He deserved a lot more. No, I completely agree. And I loved it so much that they duct taped him. It reminded me of during COVID when they duct taped people, like passengers that got out of line. And I was like, one of the most, I mean, teacher the most end are appreciated.

13:35But one of the most end are appreciated occupations as a flight attendant. They have to put up with so much shit from so many people. And there are so many rude suckers. And so I loved when they were duct taping during COVID. And this guy, nobody was a better candidate for being duct tape. I agree. His ass was kicked. What infuriated me was the post article that now he's suing the airlines. Fuck you. They see us. They see us. You. This is what bullies do. He was a bully. He was a racist. He was a homophobe. He got outside of his, you know, we wear the bald eagle shirt with grenades and we, you know, all this shit. And then he gets called out, he gets duct taped and then now he's a victim. And this is, but this is Trump. This is exactly Trump. Trump does all of this and he's a victim. And I think what's so fascinating about this whole thing, you'll know I was on Pierce Morgan last week. I'm sure you did a great job. Thank you. And I was talking about how Walmart doesn't pay their employees enough and then the government

14:38has to subsidize Walmart workers. And so basically we're picking up the taxpayer where Walmart should be paying more. So I was looking in the comment section of that episode because I was just curious. Like, okay, this is way outside the left wing ecosystem. I was so shocked how many people in the comment section are sitting there defending Walmart. And then it's just, it's wild that the Republican Party has so brilliantly gotten so many people to defend things that absolutely harm them directly. Yeah, they support these policies that go entirely against their, their interest, whether it's financial interest or, and I remember Jennifer years ago we talked about this where I would go to court in some small town in rural Oklahoma. I remember on one particular occasion I saw this old beat up rundown car.

15:42It was like on its last leg and it was a four door and there's a lady driving it and about six kids in it. And I'm sure they were poor or struggling. I mean, it's obvious, but they had a George Bush bumper sticker on the fucking car. I remember looking at that, just thinking that right there, that hits the nail on the head right there. That's what this is all about. They have somehow masterfully grabbed a hold of a few issues that are so important to people that they vote in favor of those issues and oppose the issues that are most important to their day-to-day lives. And they've done that. They've masterfully done that. And it happens today. When you go anywhere in small town America and you're thinking that Donald Trump and this group of billionaires gives two shits about you, but somehow they've convinced them that they do. It's amazing. It's simply amazing.

16:44Yeah, the strategy is long term and it's, you know, I think back to the election that we just had. Roe versus Wade had been overturned. Women were dying. She had, you know, medical examiner reports this woman died because she couldn't get the medical care she wants. And having had a college-aged daughter at that point, I thought this will be a galvanizing issue for if not the girls, for their mothers taking rights away from your daughter. Right. And the fact that she could die in a hospital because she cannot get care for a pregnancy that's gone tragically wrong. And the fact that it just, they roll out to vote against their own interests. And it's the same with finance. You know, we support the military, but fuck the troops when they get home. We support, you know, we want women, you know, we love women, but we're going to fuck women

17:45over. I mean, it's just, it's so stunning, the bait and switch that it's like nobody picked up on that. Nobody's, it just, the white women. And pumps that you're talking about that go and vote against that vote for rapists over potentially their daughter. They have been deeply indoctrinated into this massacresist patriarchal culture where they are, they have been told the abortionist murder, abortionist murder, abortionist murder. Mind you, we talked about this on the last episode. I know more white evangelical Christian women that got abortions because they wanted their parents to believe they were virgins. Yes. Then I do women that were progressive Democrats whose parents allowed them to go get birth control etc. The problem is the Republican Party has captured this notion that your vote kind of sets you right with the world. The same way that a lot of evangelicals think, if I go to church this Sunday or this Wednesday

18:47night, mind you, I've done all of these horrible things all week long, then that sets me right with the world. And I think the Democratic Party's failure to call out the hypocrites in the far right Christian world has cost us because this group is up for grabs. Donald Trump grabbed the religious nuts. That's how vulnerable and easily manipulated these people are they believe in fucking nothing they go and they're like, what are we supposed to believe in today? Oh, Ty, okay. Here you go. I mean, it's just like the dumbest fucking group of people, but they vote like slot machines. Yeah. And he's trying to keep them dumb. Oh, yeah. Working hard on it. They're doing everything they can to keep people stupid because that's the only way they're going to vote for the Republican Party. You try to strip science away from our day to day discussions or curriculum. You strip away any sort of logic. You strip away any incentive to want to go to college and be smarter.

19:50You want to make people like in stupid so they support these policies. That's exactly what they're doing. They're doing it in Oklahoma and they're succeeding. Yeah. They're winning. Oh, they have taken Oklahoma. In my opinion, if they keep getting what they want, which crazy people keep, it's going to be uninhabitable for women, Oklahoma. It's already ranked 50th in the country. 50th for places for women to live. And their plans, the guy who's potentially going to be the next governor is nuttier than Kevin Stitt. We won't get off into local politics. But you can look into the way they incubate all of these bad ideas in Republican red states and the culture. They have really tacked onto the culture. And it's a difficult, I mean, I had to live there my whole life super progressive and you too. And it's unbelievable how judgmental these hypocrites, these hypocritical Republicans, who

20:52you know their husbands or pieces of shit or the wife's banging, you know, all these people. And then they have the audacity to judge people who are Democrats. All right, listen, our teenagers and money and teaching them how to use money is quite the challenge. Imagine if you got an alert for every time your teen used their cash app card, what alert do you think you'd get most often? For me and my boys, it would always be some sort of video game add on. And I want to know because God, that can be a total racket with the cash app card available to teens 13 to 17 with sponsorship by an eligible parent or guardian, every transaction triggers a real time notification for you to see empowering your teen to practice independence while giving you the parent peace of mind by keeping track of their spending. This cash app situation really offers teachable moments to in real time, teacher, children.

21:54You really don't need to buy all these video game add-ons. This benefits them and not really you because now you are broke. An absolute teachable moment there. New cash app customers can earn $10 off if they use code family 10 in their profile at sign up and send $5 to a friend within 14 days in terms of apply. Download cash app today and sponsor your teen, visit our link in bio. Cash app is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by cash apps bank partners prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank member FDIC, cash app visa debit flex cards issued by Sutton Bank member FDIC and the bank core bank in a pursuant to a license from visa USA ink see terms and conditions for the Sutton prepaid card Sutton debit flex card and bank core debit flex card. Saving is provided by cash app, a block ink brand visit cash.app slash legal slash podcast

23:01for full disclosures. I thought this was really interesting. Y'all know Ashley St. Clair, the baby mama of Elon Musk, who is now like D program from the cult. She said that she would go to all these Republican parties when everybody was just degenerates. They were f**king everybody doing drugs doing all this shit right. And then she gets D program and she goes to Democratic parties and people are like, we got to go, we have to run home to the relief of the babysitter, whether it's a gay couple or straight couple, like painfully boring traditional functioning people. And I'm not saying all people on the left are, you know, bang up functioning. But the most dysfunctional people I have ever known in my life, the most religious and the most Republican. It never fails. Well, I'll just tell you that when my ex has been and I had our asses in the seat, every Sunday, that what was going on behind the scenes was it would if you saw a movie with

24:03how vile and craven and horrible every single facet of our lives was. And yet sitting in judgment of other people, like the ability to do that, it's f**king grossers and how my breath feels right now. It is so gross. And just the hypocrisy. My ex has been is f**king hookers on a regular basis and he's sitting in church telling me who is having an affair with their wives. He's pointing to these people. I should remember. I remember. I should not. You and I became friends and you were my first. I had a bunch of religious friends in high school because I had, I mean, otherwise I wouldn't have had any friends. College just was like, I don't want to hang out with any of these people. You were my like most religious adult friend, period. You were the most judgmental of me for not going to church. And you and Kirk were the most f**ked up people I knew.

25:06I remember you, you need to come to Bible study and we're just going to keep inviting you until you come. And I remember thinking, what are you offering? What you've got since. Well, Pumps, to your defense, like I'm going to include myself in this debauchery a little bit. Like we're all somewhat dysfunctional and we can have a sense of humor and own it, admit it now. But we all lived back in that life when we were trying to figure things out, making mistakes, navigating like it was a shit show. Like I was a complete disaster. Yeah, I agree with that, Josh. And also, Pumps, I think that obviously that's the most stark example you and Kirk, right? But my God for anybody. There's a million right now that's in their 30s and life hits you fast and you've got these kids and you've got a mortgage and you have all of this shit and this whole happily ever after thing. It doesn't manifest. It's like grinding ever after and I don't know if I like this person the way they breed

26:10bugs me. And so whether if it's if it's as overt as what you all had, but man, Josh and I, we have some nephews that are in that in the 30 grind with the young kids. Josh will always say, man, they're living that that grind right there. It's tough. It's young family time. There's a lot of joy in moments, but the day in, day out of that shit is so hard. Yeah. And the parenting part of it is the joy. But I remember you sort of look back and you think, okay, now I'm making a decent amount of money, but I've got private school or pub or whatever. I've got mortgages. I've got all these things. And then you kind of think, is this it? Is there something better coming at the end of this rainbow? Or is this the whole thing because it's hard? And then you're fighting for time to just be able to go to the gym and you're still struggling financially like it's still being it got to get insurance for health insurance and all

27:11the stuff you got to do. And it's a it's a it's so hard. Yeah. Yeah. It's groundhog day too. I mean, it's just the same shit happens over and over. And I remember thinking that too, like, so this is it for the next 20 years. Okay. All right. All right. Let's shift gears here. 32 things people learned about their partner only after moving in together. And I'm sorry, but so many of these made me shriek with laughter. I think this is from Buzzfeed. Okay. Here's one. Here's the first one. He takes off a single sock, a couple of hours before going to bed. In those hours in between, he will walk around the house wearing a single sock like a psycho. That's bizarre. Why? The only thing I would say to that is at least his fucked up tendency to do this doesn't have any direct impact on me.

28:11Like it's not being forced on me. Like if you want to prance around the house in one sock, just do it in another room. I don't have to see it. I have to feel it. But it could be kind of a check on yourself too is to, you know, who the fuck am I with again? I would take the single sock problem. I would take that. I would be like, I can deal with this like that is that is one that I'm like, he's kind of a freak. He likes to parade around in one sock. I'm really asked what it's about, but I'm fine with it. All right. Here's the next one. We were about to watch a movie and he wanted popcorn. He said, too bad we don't have any lettuce. I asked if he wanted to sell it. He said, no, I want popcorn and lettuce. He said he never said anything at the movie theater because he knows they'll never have lettuce. What? The man needs bites of bites of lettuce and popcorn together. His whole family does. I thought it was the weirdest thing and his whole family said, yeah, we all eat lettuce with popcorn.

29:12I felt like I was on Mars. Okay. Here's the thing. That's weird. I have weird popcorn rules. So I'm not going to get, but here's my thing. The popcorn and lettuce, like, is it a crit? I mean, I would, I just, I would have to know. And here's what I would have done if I was young. I would have dated this guy and I would have found out he did popcorn and lettuce and I was thought, he's just so eccentric and cute. Isn't he? That's just such a little quirk. You know, 10 years later, I'd be like, you fucking weird out eating lettuce with popcorn. He fucking freak. I mean, that's how those kind of things turn. And even the sock, you're so right. Even the sock. I mean, that's cute. You know what I'm like, you're so weird out. What kind of fetish is? What you're saying is when you get to the day to day nuts and bolts of life, you're going to bring these fetishes out and punish him with it and say, listen to my fucker walk in that sock or eat that lettuce.

30:12You get that extra sock and you go, what kind of fucking. Yeah. I would have. It's a full blown Joan Crawford. If they could convince me that eating lettuce with popcorn somehow added something to the meal, I might be inclined to go in on it. But I just can't fathom the fact that you add lettuce to popcorn that it adds any utility to that. And I do want to say this. There are plenty of theaters that make hamburgers that would have lettuce. So I kind of called bullshit on that like really let us at the theater. You could you could fair it that out. So don't just don't just not order it because you're because he knows it's weird. Okay, here's the next one. The snot shirt. When he gets any kind of respiratory sickness, he takes a shirt out, puts it on his nightstand and blows his nose in it during the night. He says it's cheaper and softer than tissues.

31:14Great news. So the fall is here. I love the crisp air. I love getting back into my routine. And I've decided I'm really going to devote a little bit more time to exfoliating and hydrating my skin. But something I have always just despised is shaving. It's just constant shaving and the razors are just inadequate. But this summer I discovered the flamingo razor and it's changed everything. Flamingo was born when the women who helped build herries noticed that the other companies selling women's razors were just shrinking men's razors down and making them pink. This caused all sorts of damage to my legs. I had cuts in grown hairs, etc. And flamingo has a starter set and it has everything you could possibly need whether you're doing a quick shave before heading out the door or a full reset for the night before a trip. Listener for a limited time, you can get the flamingo starter set for only $7 at shopflamingo.com

32:15slash had it. This set includes the flamingo original razor, one five blade cartridge, a one ounce foaming shave gel and a shower holder. Just head to shopflamingo.com slash had it to claim this offer. And after you purchase, they'll ask where you heard about them. Please support our show and let them know that we sent you. No, that's too far. I agree. You got to have a clean X. This is straight to jail. Yeah, no. I've got a small confession. Oh, yeah. But in my car sometimes I would leave a gym like a workout towel and it would be in the back seat. If I had to blow my nose, if I didn't have a tissue of any sort, I would use that towel. And dare to say I may have used it two or three times, but then I would just discard it. I don't think I would wash it. I would discard it. But I've, I don't have a shirt that I designated for that, but I've done the same thing

33:19with a towel in the back seat. Is the towel in the back seat your car right now? It's not towel. No, it's not. I know, I know about this towel because you think, oh, you just built something. Oh, I'm going to grab a towel. And then you go back there and it's like, it's a snott towel. Which I think you should go straight to jail for this. I know. I take a big risk in telling the group this, but I figured with all the other bullshit I've disclosed on the show, I needed to just throw that snott rag right in. Okay, but I don't think that's that bad. Like you have snott. You're trying to blow your nose. You have nothing. You use the towel. I use the towel and sometimes I'll leave it in there a few days extra and then use it again. But then I'll always take it out and either throw it away or wash it. I think that's different. I'm going to give you a complete pass on that. But sometimes the kids will get in the back seat or that's kind of where it's. It's good to die. Yeah, that's where it gets like other people in the car. That's where it gets dicey. Yeah.

34:19But when you need a towel, when you need to blow your nose or if you spill something, you need that towel, you know how valuable that towel is. How handy it comes in. I have a workout towel in my car that I keep, not for snott because I have other stuff with that. But I do a lot of cleanup with that workout towel. That's it. All right. The next one. She eats corn on the cob vertically, holding it as one would hold a banana, eating a layer around the cob and then moving down. What? This is, I mean, I am intrigued beyond all intrigue how this happened. Is this the roommate? So, you know, this is people, they're partner. We're talking about things people learned about their partner only after moving in together. So these are all bait and switch situations. And she's holding the corn cob up like this kind of. She eats it vertically. It sounds like she eats around the problem with the vertical eating is just simply that

35:20it's how, what do you do with your nose? You know, when you do it like this and it's this way, the nose is protected from just going straight into the cob with the vertical eating. It just anatomically doesn't work. And another fact, the plate is going to have to be lower down because you're holding this plate. Normally when you're eating corn on the cob, you got the plate and you're eating like that. But the movement of her mouth and stuff like that is probably not new for this spouse. Like if she's doing this type of thing with the corn on the cob, he's probably accustomed to some of the same mouth movements. Maybe in their relationship and their intimate time. And so, I don't know. Maybe it's a turn on. Maybe she does this thing. But I think he's saying here that I think the whole premise of this is they learn these

36:25things after moving in and it was a deficit to the relationship. I agree. But if she's doing that, then she clearly has some fixation on doing this sort of oral thing. I just think some people are just quirky AF and they just do quirky shit and they think it's cute and neat. In this situation, they kept the quirk from the person until they moved in together and then they rolled out the quirk. I'm not opposed to it. I don't want anyone to think I'm against it. Like I think it's fantastic how she eats corn. She should continue it. I think it's weird. Yeah. I think it's kind of weird, but I'd love to see it. Okay. The next one. In the middle of the night, I will wake up to him having both of his arms straight in the air like a damn zombie. If I lie too close to him when he does this, I get a surprise mammogram when he inevitably drops his arm down in the night. What do you think that's about? I think some people have like this sleep.

37:25What's it? I'm not like sleepwalking type. Like somebody is doing it in a sleep like he's responding to something in a sleep. Maybe. I think that's going to call for sleeping in a different bad. If it persists each night. I agree with that. Yeah. That's a complete. Sometimes that's not a bad thing, but it is what it is. You can't be getting your boob chopped off every night when you're going to sleep. I agree. I agree. That's straight to the other bad. Yeah. Okay. And then the last one. My significant other sits on the toilet for an hour until he has a bowel movement. I, on the other hand, wait until my body tells me it's time to go to the bathroom before actually attempting it. I thought that was normal. He literally made fun of me yesterday for kicking him off the toilet. You made me get up only to go in and take 30 seconds. Dude, you've been in there for 45 minutes and clearly nothing has happened if you could

38:28just let me in like that. Josh Welch, I know, is guilty of this. I've long been fascinated by the fascination was sitting in the bathroom for a long time. Like, I don't, that's not the place I want to spend an hour. Like looking on my phone, I'm not saying, you know, when you have to go in there and you do your business, but I, I don't understand the attraction for being on the pot that long. And can I, can I intervene for a second? Okay. To me, it just represents a safe space that I can be in. It's safe. I, I know that I'm not out walking the city. I'm not in my car traveling to court. I'm in this safe place that if something happens, it's going to be taken care of. Because you do such a terrible job advocating for yourself. The world. Creating safe spaces in your needs. So I can only imagine. Yeah. So is it?

39:29He doesn't, he, she's known him longer than I have actually. Don't you think, Josh, just, just, just, yes, such a terrible job. I don't care if he can't do it for his needs in the public space. Yeah. And I don't just advocate a safe space for me. I advocate a safe space for everyone to be able to have what they need. But when I'm in the restroom, I feel safe. I feel loved. And that's special to me. You're so full of shit. No, but we've talked about this. I like to get out in front of you in the restroom. I like to be prepared. I like to think ahead. That's all. You know what? This is interesting. Let's dissect this. So healthcare, what do you like to do? Get out in front of the problem. I do. Shitting in front of it. In front of it. Yeah. All of it. Like I'm preemptive by name. Preemptive. In the bathroom, you're preempting the bathroom. I'm preemptive by nature. How's your body fat?

40:29Oh, great question. It depends on the scales that you use. Because at the gym that we go to, I'm at 5%. My Amazon scale at home that I have to hold these things up and put my arms at a 45 degree angle and do all this stuff. I'm at about 9.2%. So it just depends. There's a big difference there. What about your ear? The ear is good. The ear is good. The ear is fantastic. I haven't asked in every year because I was really scared of the response. But I think a lot of our listeners were wondering. The ear is great. For a long time, it created a lot of heartache in our relationship. You would say things I could hear you. You thought I was intentionally trying to ignore you. But it works great. It's my left ear. And I can hear it just fine out of it, which is good. It's good to be able to hear. Just a real quick follow-up. How many times are we testing the body fat at home? Once a day. Just once. Once a day.

41:29Yeah, and it's in the morning. And I've ordered the same scale for Jennifer's apartment here in New York. So that's coming today, by the way. So you'll have a steady. Right. And if I record later on this week, all update, it was at 9.2%. According to the home scale, it's 5% at the gym. There's any update on that. I'll make sure and let pass along. Please do. Because I do think about it. You know what's a real indictment? Sorry. You go, Pumps. No, sometimes I'll be driving in my car and I'll think. Wonder how Josh's body fat's going today? Well, I want to, before the week's up, I want to record a session with no shirt on. If I can. In that way, people can actually see the growth. Perfect. Let's do that. Let's do it. Why don't we all go topless? We can see it up. We'll get the dragon wrap. We'll get the dragon wrap. We'll go topless. You know what's such an indictment on me, guys? This is really. So all of this stuff, of these Buzzfeed stuff, it was, they learn these things about their partner

42:30after moving in together. I went in ice-white open. The prevention, the hypocondria, everything. There was no bait and switch with Josh. He was unapologetically preemptive in himself. And I said, I see your flags and I'm going to dry hump them. Just the same way, maggot dry humps the American flag. That's me. They weren't even hidden. They were not hidden. They were, they were just flying like this. And I'm like, yes. I can't get enough. Yeah. A little blown, dry-gadded, a hundred pounds over a weight, a mass full of problems. And she picked me. How sweet is that? But charming is all get out, always has been. To be fair. I'm the same way. Like I could sit here and lie to you and say, I've got bait and switched on. I went in, dumber than a box of hot rocks. No, no. I chased, I chased that fucker down the aisle.

43:33I don't even think he wanted to marry me to be fair. I chased that fucker. I think he did. I didn't. Well, maybe he did. I think he liked you a lot. I think he liked you even he liked him. I think he liked you a lot more than he liked him. Yeah, that's fair. But I don't think he was dying to get married. And I was just like fuck, fuck, fuck, we're doing it. I knew I just the level of red flags that I stuck up my ass and pulled through my nose on a daily basis to keep that thing going. All right, I know we all like to do a little refresh. Clawed it refresh. What kind of products you're using on your skin refresh, but what about furniture? And I have to tell you, I have the best go to. It's called article. For all of my years of interior design, article was always a go to because the service, the quality, the selection unmatched. I personally just got two Julie swivel chairs in ivory bouquet. They are chic as all get out. I absolutely love them.

44:33With article you guys, you can get quality without compromise. Article takes great care in creating a collection, focusing solely on high quality, meaningful pieces that will stand at the test of time. There's no filler. Every item is chosen for its craftsmanship, design, and lasting value. And they just have consistently high quality, meticulous packaging. The weight and feel of the product is just incredible. Article is offering our listeners $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more to claim, visit article.com slash had it. And the discount will be automatically applied at checkout. That's article.com slash had it for $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more. So perhaps, so I owe you an apology. So I always am like, perhaps you should date, you should date. So this last weekend, when Josh is in New York,

45:36he uses the guest bathroom and I use the master bathroom. We do not share bathrooms. We haven't for quite some time. Well, our oldest son and his girlfriend came for Labor Day weekend and they were in the guest bedroom and the guest bathroom, which means Josh and I had to share a bathroom. And I'm just going to tell you something. You're on to something. I'm not sharing living alone thing. I take back everything I ever said about she needed day. Now the kids have left and Josh is now back in the guest room. It was hard on both of us. It was hard on both of us. Because you can eat your own space. Totally. You're on to something, Pumps. Yeah, it's so funny. Because my friend that's been divorced five years longer than me, she was like, if you don't immediately start dating someone that you have in your home and around you, you will get to where you will never think about doing it again. And that's exactly what happened. I waited too long. If I would have gone right in, I probably would have been able to do it.

46:37So I had a friend that got divorced like four years ago. We sang girl and I told her that if you don't want to be alone forever, then you need to get out there right now and find somebody. It's start bringing them around the house, keep sharing your space. She's four years in and she's like, there's no fucking way. I would ever share my space with somebody. She's like, yeah, I'd like to have somebody to have sex with or whatever, but not sleepovers and share closet space. You get so spoiled to it. Totally. No, totally. It's a whole thing where it's like, because I think that's a hard part about being in the 30s. It's all the sharing. You never have a moment. You're sharing all the show with your husband, aunt, you're sharing dad, you're sharing the good stuff about stuff, everything. And then your kids can kind of start taking care of themselves either in high school or now in all of our case, empty nesters. And then you get a real independence again. And it's like, yes, me time.

47:38So perhaps I, I mean, I, I, I'm going to stand down. I think we should move into you dating to just hiring sex workers. That's, that's going to be my position here at I've had it is. And you know, here's the thing. I could probably use a couple brushups with a sex worker before I even thought about dating. I don't think it would do me any, I don't think it would do me any harm to go in there and just kind of this. Here's what's happening in 2026, this like just, okay. What about a collar, Kylie? Okay, we've got a voice signal from Claire. Hi, all repeat offender here. Love you guys so much. I just want to say that red receipts are just not enough these days because people clearly still aren't getting the message. I want ignored receipts ignored 807 AM ignored ignored ignored. That's what I want because the red receipts just aren't getting through. Apparently, so whatever platform can come up with this, I will, I'll even switch from

48:39Apple to Android. I'll even become a green text bubble just to be that petty and just to say I ignored you. I love that. Yeah, that's, we've been missing. That's important. That's a very important voice memo. Yeah. Yeah, that's important messaging right there. That's a, that's what we just want to ignore, ignore. Yeah, I get so many texts and I just, oftentimes I like down and I think, why are you sending me this? I mean, lately, I feel like all the time I'm looking at a text message going, why are you sending me this? Like, what is the purpose of this? Why are we texting right now? I've gotten where like text messages and DMs and emails are just all blurred together and they're just so impersonal, interiors and meaningless. They're just meaningless. The use of emojis and I'm the biggest offender of this. If somebody's texting me something and it's just really like effusive and over the top

49:41or something, I'll just go back because I just said, like, I can't match that what you've just done. So I'm just going to match it with emojis. So I'll just go with a bunch of hearts. None of it, it's all fluffery. It's all superficial. It doesn't mean a goddamn thing. I think we run into that. We have this family Instagram where we'll send something, a link or a post or something to the family group, me and Jennifer and our two sons and she, if she checks it, she'll just do that. She'll just heart it and then you'll talk to her about the post like a day or two later and she'll have no idea what you're talking about because she didn't watch it post at all. She just hearted it. Well, that's what this lady saying is. We need something that says, listen, I'm going to ignore this even though you sent it. I'm not going to read it. Instead, you're getting by with a little bit of fraud. You're giving the heart. And then we try to talk to you. I'm trying to say, hey, that post I sent you and you're like, wow, what are you talking about? I didn't do my homework. But you hearted it. I did the bare minimum.

50:42So let me say this, if you're going to heart something, take some ownership in it. That's what it needs to say is that a heart means ownership and you can't just heart it not. I throw them out there. I throw them out there with reckless abandon with absolutely not even meaning love, not meaning anything other than if I just do this, I can go on to the next thing. Right. It clears. I've responded. And that's showing up in your day to day family come. Not just a, it's not just a notice. It's not just a third party interaction. I'm a terrible mother and a terrible wife or a family issue now. I just, I'm going to tell you that sometimes I get into these situations where people have sent me a bunch of things. And if I were to watch all of the things that I'm spending that much more time on social media, that much more time on my phone and that much and it just, I want to watch stuff because it's my idea or because my algorithm curated it for me. Right. That's what I want. Not because of family members. Not because somebody thinks my mom would love this.

51:44Yeah. Not for that reason. I didn't pick this off. I'm not going to read it. My kid picked this for me and fuck him. I'm like, I love you and the kids. Sometimes I just, there's just, it's an overwhelming amount of shit in text message and in DMs. And I just, sometimes I'm just like, I need one place where it's legitimate things. We're the collateral damage. We'll take the bullet. Okay. We've already talked about it. The boys and I and we realize that your hearts don't mean anything. And so you have to fight to earn that back. I know. I know. I know. I think it's to color up your heart to show that, hey, this is a real heart. There's, there are some that I've watched. There's some cute like dog stuff that you've sent where the dogs are doing cute stuff. Dylan's since most of those, the dog ones. Yeah, you're sort of like 80s band. Yeah. Music things.

52:44Yeah. There's like 1980s. The cure does XYZ. And I mean, I like the cure and I like the 80s. But sometimes I just don't want to watch that in my spare time. And I don't blame you for that, but just don't give me the heart. I'm not trying to, like this isn't transactional. I'm not trying to convince you of anything. I just don't want the fraud associated with fraud. No, I need to be better. There's the thesis sentence here in the thesis messages. Jennifer needs to be better and I can see it and I agree. And I'm going to do some things. That's fair. That's fair. All right. That's all we have. Please make sure you are subscribed to this channel. Wherever you get your podcasts, if you are on YouTube in particular, make sure you're prescribed, prescribed and then pre-order my book, not today, fascist. And I'm going a little book tour. You can go check it out at what is it, Kylie? I've had it podcast.com and leave us a comment and we'll be back later.

53:46I'll tell you what I've got it with. But, Jared, I'm adding it with that. When fall comes back around, there's a sense of a reset. And new pieces from Lululemon's fall drop are an inspiration to push your goals and elevate your routines. Use your calendar fills, easy to layer styles, meet the demands of your day. And as you challenge yourself to try even more, versatile sets transition with you. The Lululemon fall lineup brings new levels of comfort and confidence, whether you're starting something fresh or starting something over. Check out the latest arrivals in store and on Lululemon.com now. This episode is brought to you by Chat GPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons podcast. Have you guys heard about Chat GPT work? It's the new way to use Chat GPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, you have Chat GPT work access to your apps and files and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides and structured reports.

54:49Get started at chatgpt.com by selecting Work Mode, Available on Plus and Pro Plans.