Fibber McGee and Molly - Snooping For Christmas Gifts

Warning, the following Zippercruder radio spot you are about to hear is going to be filled with F words.

When you're hiring, we at Zippercruder know you can feel frustrated.

For Lauren even, like your efforts are futile and you can spend a fortune trying to find fabulous people,

only to get flooded with candidates who are just fine.

F**k!

Fortunately, Zippercruder figured out how to fix all that.

And right now, you can try Zippercruder for free at zippercruder.com slash zipp.

With Zippercruder, you can forget your frustration because we find the right people for your

world fast, which is our absolute favorite effort. In fact, 4 out of 5 employers who post on Zippercruder

get a quality candidate within the first day. Fantastic! So, whether you need to hire 4,

40 or 400 people, get ready to meet first rate talent. Just go to zippercruder.com slash zipp

to try Zippercruder for free. Don't forget that zippercruder.com slash zipp.

Finally, Zippercruder.com slash zipp.

Warning, the following Zippercruder radio spot you are about to hear is going to be filled with F words.

When you're hiring, we at Zippercruder know you can feel frustrated.

For Lauren even, like your efforts are futile and you can spend a fortune trying to find fabulous people,

only to get flooded with candidates who are just fine. F**k!

Fortunately, Zippercruder figured out how to fix all that. And right now, you can try Zippercruder

for free at zippercruder.com slash zipp. With Zippercruder, you can forget your frustration

because we find the right people for your role fast, which is our absolute favorite effort.

In fact, 4 out of 5 employers who post on Zippercruder get a quality candidate within the first

day. Fantastic! So, whether you need to hire 4, 40 or 400 people, get ready to meet first

street talent. Just go to zippercruder.com slash zipp to try Zippercruder for free.

Don't forget that zippercruder.com slash zipp. Finally, that zippercruder.com slash zipp.

Access to affordable credit helps me pay my employees, but I don't really need it.

Infliction is killing me! F**k cares! Big retailers are making record profits!

That's why we support the German Marshall credit card bill! See, things in credit unions

help small businesses make payroll, and this bill would cut the vital resources they need.

While increasing megastore profits! They deserve it! Don't they?

Tell Congress, stop the German Marshall money grab for corporate megastores,

paid for by the Electronic Payments Coalition.

Second! Oh, that was... Ooh!

The Johnson Y X program with River McGee and Molly!

The makers of Johnson's wax for home and industry present River McGee and Molly,

written by Don Quinn and Phil Leslie, with music by the King's Man and Billy Mills Orchestra.

The holiday season is a time when you want your home as bright and cheerful as you can make it.

It's a time that proves as much as any other the value of protective wax housekeeping.

If your floors furniture and woodwork have been waxed regularly with Johnson's wax,

then it's a very easy matter to put on the finishing touches and have that richly polished

kind of home that everyone admires. There are many accessories from one end of the house to

the other that you can protect and beautify with Johnson's wax either paced liquid or cream.

You'll win those hills, for example, picture frames, ornaments, lampshades,

Venetian blinds, refrigerator. Well, many of you know the list as well as I.

When you wax all these surfaces, you protect them because the wax itself takes the wear

and the surface underneath is safe. When you go over your house tomorrow,

try out several of these extra uses for Johnson's wax.

Three of the most curious things in the world are the gyroscope, the Pyramids,

and the Squire of 79 Westphalvista. And if you don't think he's curious,

get a load of him sneaking a peek into the hall closet as we join Fibramagi and Bolly.

Boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. Look at all these Christmas presents. From Mali to Fibre with love.

To Fibre from Mali with best wishes. To the best husband the woman ever had.

I wonder who that's for. I thought I was the only husband here.

Oh, well, an envelope. Do not open before Christmas.

Looks like it might be a warbond. Flap isn't sealed very tight either.

If somebody's thumb ever got caught in there to flip open my, oh my goodness, it did it.

Maybe she didn't even mean to seal it. And if I didn't seal, I suppose it's okay to read it.

My dear husband, get out of this hall closet and stop snooping.

I like that. To think she'd think that I'd think of snooping to snoop once you know.

Oh, Gave, Gave, where are you? Oh, caught me, I better put this stuff back in here fast.

This must be the new belt I've been hunting. I've been hinting about.

I hope this is a fountain pen. If this isn't a sweater, I'll...

Hey, where are you? What are you doing?

I'm trying to get the door closed on the hall closet, Mali.

It's so full of stuff, it's sprung open. Aha, I got it.

That was quick thinking, McGee old man. If she ever taught you doing that stuff.

Well, that red... I got to straighten out that closet right after Christmas.

McGee, what goes on here? I told you to stay away from that hall closet. You're much too snoopy.

Why, Mali. Do you mean to stand there in one of the best-looking house dresses I ever saw?

And accuse your own husband by marriage of snoopy?

Ah, dear, you can pump up more phony indignation than Donald does.

Now, get all that stuff put back in the closet. No, you better let me do it.

Something in there you don't want me to see, baby?

Well, if there was, and I didn't, then you already had, what's the difference?

I didn't unwrap a thing. I never even shook anything.

The only thing that even aroused my curiosity is that big white package with the blue ribbon on it.

I don't remember any big white package with any blue ribbon.

McGee, stop peering over my shoulder. Go read the paper.

Oh, hello, Alan. This is McGee. Hi, Mr. McGee.

Hi, Alan. Hey, what'd you do to your hair?

Well, she's just wearing it differently, McGee.

Himself here is getting very observant with Christmas coming on, Alan.

All right, Natalie, you could wear your scalp full of neon lights, and he's never noticed.

You like my hair with the buns over the ears, Mr. McGee?

Yes, I do, kid. I like the buns over the ears much better than that old sweet roll on top.

More of that apple strudel you used to have falling down in back.

My hairdresser says they're wearing it this way in Paris now.

It's a nice hairdo, Alice. What do they call it?

Hair Hitler, because it's more trouble than it's worth.

Yes, I think so too. You got the Christmas present, right?

Creepers, I thought I had Mr. McGee, but now I'm as confused as a kangaroo with a pickpockets convention.

Why, dear?

Well, I had a terrific billfold for Harold, but I had to change the tag to Ronnie, because I'm giving Ronnie's couplings to Rick to take the place of Rick's cigarette lighter, because I quick had to give the lighter to Jimmy when he showed up here last night with a simply super pair of earrings for me.

That is a little complicated, isn't it?

That's like the year when McGee gave me nothing but napkins and handkerchiefs, pillowcases, and tablecloths for Christmas.

He took the laundry list down town instead of the shopping list.

Well, gee, who is that?

No, Alice, we're not doing very much for Christmas this year. The Treasury Department had beat Sandy Claus down the chimney.

Well, I told all the boys not to spend their money foolishly on things for me this year.

I told them all to take whatever money they intended to spend on me and put it in war bonds.

Good for you, Alice. Use the boys' dough to back up the dough boys.

Anyway, I just assumed they gave me war bonds. Is anything else?

Well, I've got to get back to the post office. Goodbye.

There's a girl who has her heart in the right place on her sleeve.

I don't know. She's a lot like I was when I was a girl McGee, except the Chia's 20 boyfriends, and I just had you.

Well, that wasn't because you were unpopular, Snooki. That was because there was a nubbly rumor around Theoria that McGee had put a bear trap in Molly Driscoll's port swing.

That was more than a rumor, sweetheart. For 15 years after that, my father never sat down without first slapping the chair with his cane.

Now, listen, go away while I get this stuff back in the closet.

How about that white package with the blue ribbon on it?

McGee, I swear I know absolutely nothing about that.

You wouldn't kid me, would you? After all, when mysterious packages were hit away in the closet.

Happen these days, what was that?

My belt.

It busted.

Remember how I've been telling you my belt was on its last legs?

Well, it's a funny place to wear a belt.

And I do remember you're mentioning it several times.

Looked awful, too. Supposed to have been genuine calf, but all better cookie. Its mother was a paper mill.

It's all gone at my last belt, too.

Oh, well, I can wear a necktie around my waist so I can get downtown by a new one.

All right, dear. You win. Here, open this package.

Why, this is a Christmas package.

Gee, I shouldn't open this till Christmas.

Open it.

Well.

Okay.

Well, what do you know? A new belt.

Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle if this isn't a coincidence.

Remember me to your nephew.

With my initials on the buckle.

Oh, this is a beauty, Molly. Thanks ever so much.

Don't mention it and Merry Christmas. First installment.

Oh, my gosh. This is really unexpected.

Well, it shouldn't be. The way you've been talking about a new belt for past few weeks.

You should have taken out a hinting license.

Here, throw this old one away, would you?

All right, I'll put it in.

Why, this is strange.

Looks like it had been cut halfway through.

Oh, well, I've had a very sharp appetite lately in my way.

Come here.

Warning. The following Zippercruder radio spot you are about to hear is going to be filled with F words.

When you're hiring, we at Zippercruder know you can feel frustrated.

For Lauren even.

Like your efforts are futile.

And you can spend a fortune trying to find fabulous people.

Only to get flooded with candidates who are just fine.

Fortunately, Zippercruder figured out how to fix all that.

And right now, you can try Zippercruder for free.

At Zippercruder.com slash zip.

With Zippercruder, you can forget your frustration.

Because we find the right people for your role fast.

Which is our absolute favorite effort.

In fact, four out of five employers who post on Zippercruder get a quality candidate within the first day.

Fantastic.

So, whether you need to hire four, forty or four hundred people.

Get ready to meet first rate talent.

Just go to Zippercruder.com slash zip to try Zippercruder for free.

Don't forget that's Zippercruder.com slash zip.

Finally, that's Zippercruder.com slash zip.

Finding great candidates to hire can be like, well, trying to find a needle in a haystack.

Sure, you can post your job to some job board.

But then all you can do is hope the right person comes along.

Which is why you should try Zippercruder for free.

At Zippercruder.com slash zip.

Zippercruder doesn't depend on candidates finding you.

It finds them for you.

It's powerful technology identifies people with the right experience

and actively invites them to apply to your job.

You get qualified candidates fast.

So, while other companies might deliver a lot of, hey, Zippercruder, find you what you're looking for.

To needle in the haystack.

See why four out of five employers who post a job on Zippercruder get a quality candidate within the first day.

Zippercruder, the smartest way to hire.

And right now, you can try Zippercruder for free.

That's right.

Free at Zippercruder.com slash zip.

That Zippercruder.com slash zip.

Zippercruder.com slash zip.

Access to affordable credit helps me pay my employees that I don't really need it.

Infliction is killing me.

Who cares?

Big retailers that make it a record profit.

That's why we support the German Marshall credit card bills.

See?

Things in credit unions help small businesses make payroll.

This bill would cut the vital resources they need.

While increasing mega store profits.

They deserve it.

Don't they?

Tell Congress stop the German Marshall money grab for corporate megastores paid for by the electronic payments coalition.

Hello, Molly.

Hello, Gary.

Hello, Dr. Gamble.

Hi, you big frontman for the store club.

Why call me Gary?

Do you finally agree with me that I look like Cooper?

No, that's just my abbreviation for Gerylis.

Why, Dr. McGee is not Gerylis?

I should say not.

I haven't been out with a girl since I married Molly.

Yes, I know.

You two are the living exhibit A for the scientific theory of the attraction of opposites.

Molly is so good looking and sweet and quiet.

And I?

Yes, indeed, in space.

Say what's all this Christmas stuff around here?

You've been unwrapping a present McGee?

Well, he just broke his belt, Dr..

And as long as I was giving him one for Christmas, I thought he might as well have it now.

Beauty, ain't it, Dr. Real Pigskin?

I shall not descend to any of the obvious retorts, my boy.

It is a very handsome hunk of habitatory.

But aren't you a little ashamed of accepting your gifts now?

According to my calendar, it's several days until Christmas.

I was just trying to keep up his spirits and his pants for the next week, Dr.

What are you used for a calendar, Doc?

Cut a notch in a patient for each day of the week?

No, no, I just glanced in the mirror.

If I seem to have aged ten years, I know another day is kept by.

You know, you want to go away for a good long rest, Dr.?

Some place where you can't get near a telephone, like any drugstore.

Don't think I wouldn't love it, my dear, but I've got to stick around for the Christmas rush.

What Christmas rush?

You're running a black market in pink pills?

No.

No, but us cow-town pastures expect certain seasonal phenomena about this time of year.

Like kids swallowing Christmas tree ornaments.

Selfish little animals that they are, an ornament so hard to get.

And then true digital philosophy is almost an annual epidemic.

Happily days, what on earth is digital philosophy?

Calluses on the fingers, from people rubbing them over greeting cards to see if they're really engraved.

Well, it's nice to have you drop in, Dr., particularly without McGee starting an argument with you.

No, just a darn minute.

Boom starts all the arguing with whom.

Doc always starts them, not me.

Oh, now don't give us that little surgesable.

You're as bad-tempered as a dime-store jackknife and you know it.

I don't know any such a dirty thing.

That's because you always start snarling at me with your big fat teeth.

Don't mean I got a bad temper.

Why you parapetetic little biological aberration.

You have the neurological reactions of a schizophrenic troglodyte.

King's ex?

What do you mean King's ex?

Doc, don't play fair.

I don't know what he's talking about.

Well, I'll call it off.

I look up some one syllable words McGee.

Anyway, I gotta get back to my office.

It's probably full of expectant father.

They expectant father?

Yes, they expect me to tell them beforehand

whether to have the nursery decorated in pink or blue.

What do you tell them, Doc?

I give them an evasive answer.

I tell them to go fry a pig.

Merry Christmas folks.

Thank you, Dr. Saintee.

And I have to know you, Doc.

Isn't he a sweet old character?

Yeah, great guy.

It was a great loss to medicine when he started studying.

What a patient he'd have been.

See, I wonder if it was he who sent us the big white package

with the blue ribbon on him.

Are you kidding?

You don't have to play coy with me, Tutsi.

I wasn't born yesterday.

Well, you might as well have been.

You're so changeable.

Now, you...

McGee, you go away someplace while I straighten up this class.

I'll run over to Kramer's drugstore.

I gotta buy a new fountain pen.

Oh, no, no, no, McGee.

Don't do that.

Why not?

Well, I was...

Well, why do you need a new fountain pen just this minute?

Can't you use your old one?

My old one, I only got one.

Well, I mean...

Well, what's the matter with it?

Well, the point is pigeon-toed.

Right, two lines instead of one.

But maybe you can.

When I registered with it at a hotel last summer,

the clerk looks at my signature and says,

you gentlemen want twin beds?

You go ahead and fix the closet, kiddo.

I'll run over to Kramer's drugstore.

Oh, dear.

You win again, McGee.

Here.

Open this package.

What do you mean?

Go ahead and open it.

Well...

Okay.

Well, I'll be a new fountain pen.

Gee, thanks, kid.

Oh, this is wonderful.

Merry Christmas.

Second installment.

Boy, this is a wonderful pen.

Just the kind I wanted, too.

And just when I needed it,

why you could knock me over with a feather, Molly?

I never dreamed you.

Hey, what are you looking for?

Nothing.

Nothing.

Daily Mail.

You walk a fair hand.

Single Bell.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

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A folks three years ago, Ken Derby of our Kingsmen, wrote for our Christmas show an original musical

setting for the poem for the night before Christmas. Everyone seemed to like it so well

that we'd been asked to do it ever Christmas since. And we're glad to do it again tonight.

Okay, Mr. McGee. Go on. Sit down now. You'll miss McGee, sit in a circle. You sit at the

can of candies. Ready, everybody? A one, and a two, and a three.

It was the night before Christmas and all through the house. Now that creature was sharing

not even a mouth. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care.

In hope that safeness go as soon as they're there.

The children were nestled all stuck in their wee little bed.

While visions of sugarplums dance in their wee little bed.

My mind worked just and dying like that. That just settled down for a long time.

Oh, we've been gone.

And all along the roads, there's a cloud. I've heard from my bed to see what was on the matter.

All the way to the window, I feel like a place to open the shutters, to open the safe.

Then what do I wonder? I should have seared one of me into a sleigh and a tiny ring dear.

With a little old driver so lively and quick that I'm you right away.

That it must be st. Nick.

Oh, bundle and fur fur is head to his foot.

Oh, Santa was covered with ashes and so I drew in my head and was turning around.

When down the chimney he came with a ball.

His eyes how they twinkle, his dimples how merry.

His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry.

His little mouth was drawn up like a bow.

The beard on his chin was as white as the snow.

The stump of a little old pipe, he held high in his teeth.

And his foot went around and around and around his ears like a reed.

He was a chubby ant clunk.

All right, jolly old, jolly old elf.

That'll laugh, that'll laugh, that'll laugh.

Where's I in spite of myself?

He had a broad face, oh, oh, oh, oh, he had a little round belly.

That's your twilight, like a bow more daddy.

He gave me a wink of his eyes when the twizz of his head grew.

But chuckle and smile I knew all the while I had nothing to dread.

He spoke on a word, but went straight to his work.

And filled all the snappy, and turned with a jerk.

And laying off the thing on the side of his nose.

And giving a nod of the chimney long.

He spanked his legs, his feet, he gave him a song.

And on a day they all flew, like a town of a person.

So that I heard him explain where he go.

Very Christmas song and song.

Good night.

Is the night after Christmas and all through the halls.

Not a creature is studying, not even the mold.

The presents are scattered and broken by fear.

And St. Nicholas won't come again for a year.

The children are nestled all warm in their real bed.

Ladies and gentlemen, 2,000 years ago a star shown over Bethlehem

to light the way to peace and goodwill on earth.

Tonight that star is reflected in the windows of millions of your homes.

So our Christmas wish to all of you is that the men and women who have gone out to fulfill the promise of that symbol may soon return.

Mission accomplished. Good night.

Good night, all.

I heard him explain where he go by the side.

Very Christmas song and song.

This is the National Broadcasting Company.

Morning, the following Zippercruder radio spot you are about to hear is going to be filled with F words.

When you're hiring, we at Zippercruder know you can feel frustrated for Lauren even.

Like your efforts are futile and you can spend a fortune trying to find fabulous people only to get flooded with candidates or just fine.

Fortunately, Zippercruder figured out how to fix all that.

And right now you can try Zippercruder for free at zippercruder.com slash zipp.

With Zippercruder you can forget your frustration.

Because we find the right people for your role fast.

Which is our absolute favorite effort.

In fact, four out of five employers who post on Zippercruder get a quality candidate within the first day.

Fantastic.

So whether you need to hire four, 40 or 400 people, get ready to meet first straight talent.

Just go to zippercruder.com slash zipp to try Zippercruder for free.

Don't forget that zippercruder.com slash zipp.

Finally, that zippercruder.com slash zipp.

Finding great candidates the hire can be like, well, trying to find a needle in a haystack.

Sure, you can post your job to some job board.

But then all you can do is hope the right person comes along.

Which is why you should try Zippercruder for free at zippercruder.com slash zipp.

Zippercruder doesn't depend on candidates finding you.

It finds them for you.

It's powerful technology identifies people with the right experience and actively invites them to apply to your job.

You get qualified candidates fast.

So while other companies might deliver a lot of hey, Zippercruder finds you what you're looking for.

To needle in the haystack.

See why four out of five employers who post a job on Zippercruder get a quality candidate within the first day.

Zippercruder, the smartest way to hire.

And right now you can try Zippercruder for free.

That's right, free at zippercruder.com slash zipp.

That zippercruder.com slash zipp.

Zippercruder.com slash zipp.

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