Infidelity Doesn't Have to Destroy You—Here's Why

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Last episode, we talked about infidelity, what that looks like in today's culture, and how confusing the boundaries have become.

Today, we're going to take it a little bit deeper, because quite often, infidelity and betrayal often becomes the doorway to what we like to call self love.

And so Jessica, Maria, is back, and she's here to talk to us about self love, especially after infidelity.

If you haven't checked out the last episode, please do so.

We're super excited to talk to you guys today about self love.

Jessica, it's so good to have you back.

I know you're rushing today.

I'm so glad that you made it.

Thank you.

Thanks for having me on.

I love this topic, and still something that, you know, I'm even building within myself, but definitely I've taken myself very far from self hatred, and a lot more compassion and self love that I have for myself, as well as for other people as well.

And infidelity was something that did, you know, definitely open that gateway for me, and it doesn't have to be that we need to experience a painful event, or that we have to go through something difficult, like we can access this right now.

We are all worthy, and we're all good, you know, we're not this, we don't have this immortal sin within us.

And we're not bad, we're not born bad.

The world definitely changes us and shapes our minds, but we are all good, and we all deserve to feel good about ourselves.

That's what, you know, what else are we here to do?

Yeah.

For sure.

You can't change your body in terms of we can't go on to another person's body.

We got to love the body that we got, and how we are.

But definitely infidelity made me think, because I was on a, I was definitely on a spiritual emotional journey before infidelity, and getting cheated on tested, detested me, you know, what I failed, because I completely crumbled after it.

And I was thinking, why is my life completely turned upside down just because this guy did something that I didn't like.

He's not, I don't own him.

I don't own anyone except for myself and my mind to the best of my ability.

But it's like, I don't have this ownership of him. I can't control him.

You know, he went outside of the.

Just what we, you know, discussed and agreed upon between each other.

But it's good that he did that because he's showing that he's not the right guy for me.

But why is it that I am so turned down as because there was a lot of hidden wounds that I had that I didn't even know I had.

Yeah.

So what happened within yourself in your experience after infidelity? And how did that, like, how did you learn what self love is? And how would you even define self love?

So it made me reflect or it helped me reflect and thinking, why is it that I don't feel good about myself?

Why don't I love myself? Why do I feel embarrassed? Why do I feel ashamed? Why do I feel guilty?

It's like all of these emotions that can come along with a lot of life experiences that we get.

And it's, they're okay, but we don't have to feel that way. You know, if we mess up, we make a mistake for human.

But if we're intentionally cruel, then yes, I think it's important to own up to it and apologize and see how we can practice a different way of being.

And it just made me think, why, why don't I feel okay on my own? And so it kind of trickled down to my childhood.

And when I was a child, my parents, they left me alone a lot. They didn't really interact with me very much.

You know, my mom worked, both my parents worked a lot and my dad, he was more involved than anything.

And he told people that he was my big brother, you know, and he just had like a shame of being my father and would always be at the bar and take me to the bar sometimes with him.

And my mom was always working and when she was off doing her own thing, kind of just blowing me in my sister.

I don't even know what my sister was doing, but I was just alone a lot and it kind of took me back to those nights where I was alone.

I didn't, you know, I was a child, I didn't really know, I didn't, you know, I didn't explore play outside of being left in front of a TV.

And I would go back to those times, which were so painful for me to think about.

And I would sit with myself and I would sit and watch TV a little bit with myself and then I'd say, hey, do you want to go to the mountain, do you want to go camping, do you want to do something fun, do you want to make something or create something or just want to get out of here.

And I would take myself out of that situation that memory I have as my current self right now and go back for my little self and have fun with her then.

And build a kind of cultivated relationship with myself and my younger self too, which really helped and I, you know, I still am on this journey, I still go back to that childhood era where I wasn't, I didn't receive a lot of love for my parents or family.

And it helps, you know, when I still experience those dark times because self love is, it's a, it's a lifelong relationship.

And it, it looks different for every single person, you know, we're in a modern time, it's, it's, it's, it's roughly in human because humans are crazy and humans can be, have make no sense and be difficult.

And, you know, it's like I so, I still care about people, I still care about people's opinions and I still take things personal, which is something that I'm, I drastically work on and I've drastically reduced that care amount.

But I still experience those things and I still have ebb and flow in my life, it's natural, natural for the waves to form and then to crash.

It's just a natural flow in life and I'm grateful to say that I have a lot more ups now than downs, but I still experience it downs and on the downs, I'm not as hard on myself as I used to be.

So self love is just having that compassion and understanding instead of being oneself up or calling oneself names, just having a tender love.

I like to compare it to if someone were to have a child or, you know, if they do have a child, a little child, you know, three or four and they were having a hard time about something.

Most people would not be hard on that child, there are people, of course, who will, I just don't know how to be loving or compassionate, but most people know how to be loving and caring with children.

And, you know, I just say treat yourself like you would treat that little child that you love so much and just be kind, don't be hard on yourself, give yourself grace and compassion and just, just feel, you know, be proud of being able to survive.

Being able to survive anything, being alive is surviving everything.

Yeah, we don't, we don't fail and we do make mistakes, you know, but when we're still alive and we survive suddenly, we come out of something alive, that is, it's still a grace, it's still a beautiful thing to be grateful for.

Yeah, for my relationship, my most recent one, my partner didn't cheat on me, but it wasn't the right relationship for me and the more I was in it, the more I felt like I was abandoning myself.

And so it was like, I had this urge to want something more for myself, but it was terrifying to think of starting over on my own, because I didn't know what that would look like.

And I started like take it like you said, taking myself out on on dates and like doing these things for myself and eventually I was like, oh, okay, hanging out with me is pretty cool and I actually really enjoy it, but I know like in that relationship, I mean, he could have been cheated, it didn't matter, like it just wasn't right for me.

And then that feeling of abandonment was so loud.

I don't know if you can relate to that, but I know in past betrayals that I've been through, I felt like it was like it would hold up a mirror to where my love for myself was missing.

Because like you said suddenly, like I'm like, why am I so lost without this one person, this world is like full of a million people, but I'm putting all of my eggs in this one basket.

Why do I not feel good if I'm on my own? And that's where my journey started. I don't know if you can relate to that at all.

Yeah, definitely, definitely feelings of abandonment and feeling lost can come apart of it. It doesn't have to be that way though.

And I'm not seeing that.

Yes, that was huge for me.

That's yeah, that you know, it's it's a peculiar thing being human.

We have so many things supporting us that we can't see.

And I like to relate to I like to go back to the inside of myself, like my cells, like I have trillions of cells and tissue and blood and organs and all of these things that make me alive

and make me be able to move or do anything that I want or at least try to do.

And they're all working for me. They all have me in their focus. They all have me in their intention and they all want me to feel good.

They do every single thing possible and that may not feel like that all the time.

You know, we experience we can't experience illnesses and injuries and stuff and it may feel like our bodies going against us, but our body is always doing what it's best interest.

And that doesn't you know autoimmune things people with autoimmune their body kind of attacks itself, but it's because the body recognizes something foreign within itself.

So it's it's it's different for every single person, but our body is not against us.

And it's our psychology that's a little bit jacked up and that's okay.

It's just unlearning these things and being easy on ourselves.

It really comes down to how we feel when we're alone.

And that's still something that that I have a hard time with. There's I do not do well if I spend an entire 30 hours by myself without, you know, my boyfriend or my best friend being around her.

I have family, but I don't really have that best of a family connection and that's just my current life experience.

And that's what I know that I need because until God is enough, then nothing else is enough.

It's good to know what suits us and what we what our preferences are.

My preferences are is to have people around me that I love and to have that connection and honesty and friendship and laughter and fun in games and and not manipulative games, but just playing like enjoying life and just doing fun things.

And, you know, this life is just so short.

Like there's nothing wrong with experiencing pain, but it's how we use a pain is the pain or master or is it our teacher?

Do we become wiser or do we become a victim because of the pain? And it, you know, it's like I've experienced both ends of that those sticks wisdom and victim.

And I've learned a lot from both and I'm still learning from both and, you know, it's life is an ongoing journey that never stops.

We never stop healing, we never stop learning.

And we never get to this point where it's like, oh, we have every single thing we always just reach for something higher and better and better.

That's natural for being a human being.

But when rejection happens, when we get betrayed, it goes back down to our actual biology because humans were made to, to thrive and exist within a tribe.

And if you were exiled or if you were rejected by the tribe, you would die.

And the higher food supply shelter was cut off, you would most likely die.

So, they goes deep down into what our ancestors experience about rejection, which is scary.

You know, it's, it's natural to be to fear death.

So I was looking under a microscope one time when I, before I became a nurse, I studied biology and other things within science.

And they, we had a cell and there was a bacteria cell within this other cells that are around.

And we watched the bacteria engulf the healthy cell and the healthy cell when it was engulfed by the bacteria.

Or it was actually, it was the, the mass cell, it was actual a healthy cell that was engulfing the bacteria.

The bacteria started freaking out within it because it was going to be destroyed by the, the healthy cell.

So it's like, even deep down on a biological level, we fear death.

And that is what every single fear kind of just goes down to.

It's like, I lose my job, I want to become homeless, I want to be on the street, I'm going to get killed.

Right.

And I'm going to be left alone, I'm going to be home alone.

It's not the same exact situation every single time.

But deep down that spiraling rabbit hole, that is the ultimate thing.

It's a survival thing.

And I think it's important to mourn it, mourn the pain that we experience with grace and to, to learn to take responsibility for our emotions, the best that we can.

But also not do every single thing alone.

We can't do every single thing alone.

It's like us asking ourselves.

And also holding someone else accountable for the way that we feel is just like asking someone who is in a wheelchair to help you pack and move your house.

It's a two story house.

It's just not going to happen.

We're asking and demanding ourselves.

And we're asking and demanding things from other people that is just not realistic.

We need to learn how to take responsibility.

But we also need to know how to express our needs and our preferences.

Which I'm getting way better about.

And not a lot of people like it.

I'm kind of feisty.

I'm a difficult person.

I do my best to get along with everyone.

But there are certain things where I'm just like, oh, hell no.

Yeah.

Foundries.

Foundries are important.

I know for me, like when I've been betrayed in the past.

Often I'm mad at myself.

And then I'm like, it's more of like self trust.

Because, you know, quite often, even before the betrayal happens, we can feel it in our gut.

You know.

Yeah, you know it.

We know.

And so I've always been so mad at myself.

Like, and then I'm like, how do I not trust myself?

Why am I not trusting myself?

And then I go through like that to like thinking what do I need to do in order to develop those boundaries and to love myself more.

So that I can make sure that I'm trusting what's happening inside my gut.

Because we are, we know more than that we admit we know for the most part.

Yes.

Yes.

Very, very true.

And we're afraid to act upon what we know because of Dow and because of fear of what could happen.

And that's okay.

And if we don't get validated, then we're like, oh, well, it's not true then, right?

Like, but we need to learn how to trust ourselves.

And so that we don't need validation.

We don't need someone to tell us that we're right because we know, you know, it's just a knowing.

Yeah.

And that's what I like to call the internal validation system.

So with all of this, this thing that I've created with the uncheated code,

it, there is something that I call the internal oasis or inner oasis.

And it is this place that we retreat to within ourselves.

Where we feel secure.

Where we're in our own little fairy happy land.

And not like some.

You can make it however you want.

It could be delusional.

It could be whatever magical, whatever, however someone wants to be it.

But it's a place that feels lovely and safe to ourselves.

Where we can be ourselves.

And we know that it's okay to be ourselves.

We know that it's okay.

We know that there's nothing wrong with us.

There's nothing wrong with ourselves.

And that we are the prizes women.

Anyone that identifies as a lady that goes for days,

thems and my girlies, the gays, the ladies, everyone, that's a girl.

We are a prize.

We rule this world.

Women with this world would not exist with human beings without women.

And there needs to be more prize seen in us.

Because we give life to this world.

We give life to existence of physical form.

And, you know, of course, you know, men always like to defend.

It's like, oh, how would you get the baby?

And it's like, very true.

We have to co-create together.

But this life would not be grown without a woman.

And that like nature nature is feminine.

And it just grows and it doesn't take any personal and it's.

It's just the divine.

It's stillness.

And, you know, infidelity is.

It's not that complex.

It can get really messy.

You know, and it's definitely difficult when you're with someone who's lying about it.

Yeah.

But when you know.

That helps me that that person has zero self love.

You know, someone who's lying to another person.

Like, that means that there's a mistrust within themselves.

And like, it doesn't really nothing to do with the other person at its core, in my opinion.

But if you're not sure of yourself as the person that's getting the bitch being betrayed on or someone's cheating on you,

it can feel really like life threatening.

Like you said, it can really feel that deep.

It can cut to the core.

And actually, if you're putting all that onto that person to fulfill something in you that you can't feel filling yourself.

It's way to someone start reclaiming their self love.

Like, what are things that someone can do?

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Well, that's the importance of building this internal laces,

which is a relationship of woman holds within herself,

with herself and her soul and with God.

And it doesn't have to be a religious God if that makes, you know,

that's not someone's way.

It can be whatever higher power that they believe in.

And building this secure knowing that everything is going to be okay

and that they're, that they feel this worthiness,

this strong worthiness.

And that even without anyone else that they're fine,

that, you know, they're going to be taken care of

and whatever means, whatever way,

everything's going to be fine.

And it's something that just takes time

and it's a reoccurring thing that we have to work on,

especially being built up in a society

with the current modern time and world's human society that we're in.

It's not just this modern time, it always, you know,

it's centuries of women and men being programmed

based off of the sex of their born in.

You know, men, boys, they are rewarded a lot

and they figure out how to lie and manipulate at a very early age

to get what they want.

They have this drive within themselves that is biologic

and not lying, but men are biologically programmed,

just like women, but men have a huge drive to appropriate.

And since they're little boys,

they find ways to manipulate the situations they get what they want.

I have an example.

My mother, you know, bless her heart,

but I'm like, mom, seriously, you can't let this happen.

We didn't have any boys growing up.

It was just me and my sister.

But my sister had a baby.

He's my little nephew. He's a cutie.

He's at my house one time.

And he, I said, we're not putting on the projector

because I don't have a TV in my house.

I just have a projector.

I'm like, we're playing.

We're going to play today.

And it was still in the daytime.

Like, maybe we can put on the projector later

or like for a Friday night, like, not a single night.

And he closed all my blinds.

This is him when he was like four or five.

And he closed all my blinds.

And he turned on the projector and put on a TV show on YouTube.

And my mom came in.

And because I was doing something,

I used to have this humongous house.

And we were on the other side doing something in the garden.

I don't know.

But she found him watching it.

And I came in and I was like,

hey, do it.

I was like, you're not going to watch this right now.

And he's like, oh, the projector turned on automatically.

And I was like, no, it didn't.

And he, my mom was like, just believe him.

You know, he said it didn't turn on.

He's telling the truth.

And I questioned my nephew.

I questioned him five times.

I said, did you turn on the projector?

He said, no, did you turn on the projector?

I just kept asking him, asking him, asking him.

And then he found out when he's like,

I did turn it on.

And my mom was like, oh, my gosh, he lied.

I never thought like this oblivion.

Right.

Because it's like, how could my projector turn on without

it being pushed and then his favorite TV show coming on?

How would that happen?

Exactly.

And you know, it's like, that's just an example of how

families, mothers and fathers are still facilitating this untruth.

Which is, you know, it's like, of course, we're going to learn

to do things, to say things, to get what we want.

If we have this relationship with our parent,

where there's this punitive thing that's not fun,

we have to make things fun for kids.

It really comes back down to childhood.

How we need to raise our kids in a way that they are,

they are secure.

They know how to be truthful and they know how to be kind

and still playful instead of this punitive way.

It's like, you need to get a job and you don't pay attention to school.

Stick down and do what you're told.

That's all crap.

Yeah, I wish I would have been taught how to have boundaries

and like integrity.

And like, I have always had integrity.

I've always been open and honest, but I've never had strong boundaries.

And I'm learning those now, but like being able to say no,

being able to like be truthful with what I really

really wanted it just being easy to be around and like,

going with the flow because everyone else does.

Like learning.

We need to be difficult as women.

We need to, and if someone is, if that's too much of them,

then they can fuck off.

She's my language, but seriously, it's like we,

men need to support us.

We need to know how to take care of ourselves, for sure.

But men need to facilitate us so that we can stay in our feminine energy

and that we can stay feminine.

You know, and it's, it's, I mean,

it's something just a suggestion that may facilitate you

a little bit more with your boundaries is seeing them as your preferences.

Instead of boundaries, because boundaries is kind of like a,

you know, it's like I have specific things like I know a hard boundary

is like do not touch my body.

If I don't know you, don't touch my body.

If I don't freaking know you.

And if you do that, I'm going to defend myself and you're not going to like that.

But my preferences are I have preferences.

And that when we use certain words and we have a certain energy

about the way that we experience this life,

that facilitates an energy in our belief to actually be realized.

So this our whole life experience is all metaphysical.

And it's still something that I'm discovering and learning about.

I'm working towards mastery of that.

But when we have a certain view and feeling inside of ourselves

about something, then it's easier to be expressed on the outside

and to be seen and to be manifested.

It's about energy and the we have so much power with our words.

And the power behind the words is the belief and the meaning that we tie to it.

Yeah, and it's like where our focus is,

that's where the energy is going to flow.

So if we're focusing on the negative, that's what's going to come back to us.

Yeah, I think that we're a lot more protected than we even realize.

Yeah, very protected.

But that's a whole different thing.

You know, let's go.

Another episode next class.

Yeah.

Totally, totally.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So tell us more about the work that you do and about the yacht that you created.

So I have a couple of things that I do.

I'm semi-retired when you're certain.

That's physical work that I do here and wherever I'm at.

I'm an Arizona right now.

But I also created a coaching business specifically tailored for women to discover and express their highest self.

And it comes through a format of a metaphysical and holistic coaching that is accompanied with nutrition and flexibility training.

I think flexibility is so important in expanding when our mind is expanding, we need to expand our body as well.

And it's important that we develop a connection and a relationship with our physical bodies that we're in and learn to be able to express it.

That's a basis of being feminine is our physical expression the way that we move with dance.

And I also created an automated course that comes with a group.

It's a support group.

It's specifically for women or anyone that identifies as a lady.

For anyone that has been cheated on and wants to heal that pain.

Like a natural or holistic more.

A freer way instead of juice these kind of.

Constrictions where it's like you're getting back at your ex.

You're really getting back at your ex by working on yourself and loving on yourself and forgetting about them.

You're getting but just moving on and lessening that energy on them.

Right.

The course that I offer it's it can be done in eight weeks.

I highly suggest doing it over 12 weeks.

There's a lot of great stuff.

There's four modules with two lessons in each one.

And a lot of different insights of practices to do.

And things to start incorporating and taking out of one's life.

And a relationship with a higher power.

However someone sees it.

Yeah.

That the huge part of self love.

It's like that relationship with spirit, higher power, God, whatever you want to call it.

Exactly.

Yeah.

The you know, life is about focusing on a relationship with God.

It's not about.

It's still something I'm working on.

You know, it's like.

Humans are crazy.

You know, and I've seen a lot of things.

I've been working as a nurse and.

Yeah, I don't know.

And there's a lot of people that they're jealous of me and just not a lot.

There's a few.

And I was just like it bothers me because I'm just like, you're so beautiful.

Like you're so you have so many good things about you.

I was like, don't like, why are you focus on me?

Like get an identity and work on yourself.

Please like stop.

Worry about me or thinking about me.

I'm not conceded.

Okay.

That's just something that people who have more self love.

And more self confidence will get more people that hate them or are jealous about them.

And those kind of people we just have to send them love and compassion and keep a distance.

Yeah, it's because we people who have confidence and self love hold up a mirror for the people who don't.

And so I don't even know if it's they don't it comes across as jealousy, but really it's like because.

The confident person that loves himself is like mirroring the things that that person needs to work on.

And that's hard for people to stomach.

And so if you're not self aware, if you're not awake, that's going to come across as jealousy and hatred and anger and frustration.

But if you're awake and you understand it that you would recognize like the way you look up to someone that it's because you want to strive to be like that, but you don't know how to get there.

That's what I think.

And it's it's important to it have an admiration and not just this adoration, but just a appreciation.

You know, it's like, oh, they have that. I would love to experience it like I applaud them.

You know, my boyfriend, he has he's like a mini celebrity here.

He has like a family that adores him.

And he has like, I can't even walk down the street with him without people screaming his name.

And I'm just like, what the hell? Yeah, he's just you can go anywhere with him without people know like a million people knowing him.

And I love that for him and it, you know, it kind of makes me upset sometimes because he doesn't see it.

Like he's just like whatever and he has he still experiences this epitome, this self loathing loneliness, you know, we all experience I still experience that sometimes too.

But I feel like I would have I would have less of those experiences if I had a big community like him and that's comparison.

And I know that I shouldn't do that because I don't know what his experience is.

You know, it's just I have more of an admiration that he gets to that.

That's part of his life experience and I love that he gets that and it's something I would love to to experience as well.

But yeah, I mean, it's just in relationships, we have to support each other.

Men definitely need to support their women masculine with the feminine energy doesn't always have to be a male and a female can be whatever relationships someone identifies as.

Or whoever however they identify our sexuality preferences, the masculine needs to support the feminine energy.

And it's good to be honest, but it's also, you know, it's like I think a lot of people that she are really just polyamorous.

They just don't want to admit it because there's like a lot of social fears behind it because of judgment and possible rejection from family and other people because of it.

And, you know, people just not understanding.

Monogamy is awesome. I've always been monogamous. That's what I feel is most natural for me.

But monogamy is not 100% for the human species.

Like mammals were not meant to be monogamous.

It's so crazy to me that like people say I get like in a relationship like a woman or a man expecting their partner never to find someone else attractive.

You know, like I don't know when I was younger, I used to get so jealous and like uncomfortable if there was another attractive person around and I was in a relationship.

But it's like it's so crazy to me to think, how can one person fulfill another person's desires fully?

All the time to be attracted to a million people, but doesn't mean anything. It's normal.

I know it's over people all the time.

I know, right? So do I. Yeah, it's like I've heard a lot of ladies being upset with that.

It's like I catch my men looking at other women. It's like well, there can be a disrespectful way of doing that.

And there could be a more respectful way of doing that. It's like when my if my catch my if I see my boyfriend looking at other girl, I check her out with them. I'm like, damn, look at her.

You know, and it's like it's it's all about exploration like I have really a lot of really amazing friends that are just very unique and have very fun ways of just living life.

And one of my friends had a pimp party and it was all acting. It was all improv and we all dressed up as if, you know, it was like we're pimps and we're hose.

And it was just like this fake established party that was the we had we all had lines that we followed.

We all had fake money.

And there was this lady. I was just talking a bunch of people and my boyfriend was there and we were.

I was actually one of the pimps girlfriends. I wasn't a her.

And my boyfriend, he was one of the.

I don't think he was an actual pimp daddy or whatever, but he was one of the top dogs or whatever.

And there was another lady there and with the fake money, I paid her to kiss my boyfriend and I was like totally cool with that.

So I guess maybe we're semi-poly.

But I was just it made me so happy because you know, he was having fun and it's just like I don't.

You know, that girl is a friend of a really good friend of mine. I trusted it. And I was just a one time experience, you know, it's.

He came coming. He came to me, you know, afterwards he's not going to.

He didn't have any kind of contact with her and that's just my preference. It's like, you know, I would be fine.

If if something were to happen that I'm there, you know, and I'm because when I'm there, it's like I'm totally fine with it.

But it's just all of these things that it's bondage.

You know, you can't look at someone. You can't do anything else, but it's just like we're human beings.

We get to let go of that control and do that too. You know, if we're bothered by our partner doing that.

It's something that we can explore.

Either we just go on to another relationship where someone has the same values as us and sticks with it.

Because it's not everyone can do that. I'm not fully polyamorous. Like I have a lot of polyamorous friends.

And they tell me stuff. I've learned a lot from them.

It's about relationships in general. And it's a lot more freer set up all of these rules and bondages.

We already have all these damn rules that we have to follow in this world.

Yeah, we have a relationship.

I'm feeling like trapped when you're with someone. I know my previous partners, some of them had really insecure.

But they projected that and they made it seem like I was insecure and they are the ones insecure.

And so I remember feeling this insecurity, but knowing it wasn't mine, but they never admitted it was theirs.

And so it was like I had this feeling of having to walk around like I blinders on and I couldn't look at anyone because it would make them uncomfortable.

And it was just the worst feeling ever.

You're not being able to just be free. It was like feeling like I was chained up.

And I feel like a lot of people go through that.

That's I love this topic today of self love and.

And learning how to just be with ourselves, trust ourselves love ourselves and attract the people who let our true selves shine.

I don't know. I think that's so important. Yeah, it's it's really important that we know how to express our preferences.

And then we just are like, Hey, like this is what I prefer.

And there's nothing wrong with having preferences because someone can match us.

You know, it's just having a dual party that can express both of their preferences and being able to do that and not taking things personal not holding someone accountable for the way that you feel, but also expressing that we feel hurt by something.

You know, it's like I cannot 100% I'm doing my best, but 100% of the time I.

I still cry. I still, you know, get sad about things. I still get angry about things. I'm not going to.

And if someone did something and they don't even know that they're doing it, like with my boyfriend, I'll tell him like, Hey, I do like what you're doing.

Not that there's that happens very often, but like my dog, she had a litter of 11 puppies.

And I have four left. So, you know, it's just trickling down those so amazing, these little guys.

But this one day, he just let them all run the house and I'm just like, yo, I am not cool with this. Like they are not their 60 40 potty trained, you know, they're not 100% potty trained.

And you know, it's like they're like, this is not how I wanted to have like a more cleaner way of getting them in my house and having them outside.

Instead of just knocking things over and doing all these things. I'm just like, dude, don't do this. And he was just like, I'm in the time of his life.

But as soon as I was like, hey, I was like, this is not like, no, this is not cool. As soon as I said that, he's like, okay, let's put them in the creates.

Yeah, exactly. You should not speak up, right?

We can do our best because not everyone can hear us.

Yeah.

We can do our best, you know, but not take things so personal. We got to line up a little bit.

It's something that I need to do. There's certain situations where I'm uptight about it. And that's not someone telling me like I realized like I want to be more free.

But if I was a child, I wouldn't be having all these, you know, annoyances or fears about something that's out of my control.

Because the biggest thing with infidelity when someone cheats on us or go, you know, has sex with someone else or just, you know, I think that cheating is when it's sex.

I think it's important that we express like experiences that we have with other people if it's that intimate for sure.

But I've totally forgot what I was going to say. What was I talking about?

I don't know.

Yeah, no, I'm not sure. But I don't know. I just think today was an important topic. And where can people find more information about you and what you do?

Yeah, you can check out my website MagneticSoulHealing.org or you can check out my YouTube and Instagram same exact handle at MagneticSoulHealing at MagneticSoulHealing on both.

Yeah, we just got to light up and light up on ourselves.

But I know other people.

And so controlling and hard on ourselves and on other people. It's like we're, we're a very misguided, we're a very misguided society in a world.

And we forgot how to play. We're supposed to be here on earth as humans have fun and to expand and to be free.

And instead of having all these bondages and rules and all these things and life doesn't have to be this hard.

Relationships don't have to be this hard. They're supposed to be fun. Life is supposed to be fun. We're supposed to enjoy life and we're supposed to love life.

Trust me, there's times where it's easier, way easier for me than other days.

But it's good to know how to honor ourselves and to love on ourselves and be gentle on ourselves instead of so hard on ourselves.

Instead of holding someone else responsible for the way that we feel and knowing how to express for someone else to hold space for us.

Because we need community, we need each other, we need people to be there for us and we need to be there for other people too.

Because this world can be a rough place, but it doesn't have to be.

Thank you so much for this really powerful conversation.

Yeah, thank you so much for having me.

Do you have any last minute thoughts you want to share before we go?

Just doing things that are fun that we need to laugh and really just love on ourselves instead of tearing ourselves down.

Especially after experiencing a heartbreak, we're going to be gentle.

We're going to be loving and caring with ourselves and give ourselves that grace and just laugh.

Laughter is the best healer than anything.

And just give ourselves grace because some days every day looks different.

And we can't be we're not perfect.

We are in the eyes of God, but in terms of our human standards, it's not that everything has a reason behind it.

And it's okay if we mess up, it's okay.

You know, we need to give ourselves grace and we need to give other people's grace as well, but also take that space.

And so I'm trying to pollute ourselves with that other person that we're angry with.

We need to get space and really just learn to love on ourselves.

And to really appreciate ourselves, not tearing ourselves down.

Amazing.

Thanks again for being here, Jessica.

Thanks so much.

And to our audience, thanks for tuning in.

The deepest kind of love starts from within.

So look within and we'll make sure to have Jessica's website and all of her up information in the show notes for you to check out.

Take care of yourself, everyone.

Self love is so powerful.

Bye.

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