KILL TONY #785

0:00A beautifully designed square space website is the difference between thinking about photography school and selling your portraits online. It's the difference between giving away those cookies you just made for free and running your cookie empire. A beautifully designed square space website is the difference between having a movie reviewing hobby and a movie reviewing career. Square space because no matter what you're into, a website makes it real. Use offer code difference for 50% off select plans, terms and conditions apply. Hey, this is RedBam and you're listening to the Desquad Podcast Network. This episode of Killtony and every episode of Killtony can be found at desquad.tv, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out TonyHanscliff.com for everything the golden pony Tony Hanscliff. You can also check out shopsquad.tv for Desquad merch, hats, mugs, whatever. Shopsquad.tv. And now here's a brand new episode of Killtony.

1:00Hey, this is RedBam and coming to you live from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas for brand new episode of Killtony. Get up right Tony, it's clear! Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives? Huh? Yippee! Brian H. Edvin, ladies and gentlemen! And now... It's the best day of band in all the land. How about one more time for them? Ha, Fernando Castillo, Raul Vallejo, Carlos Sosa, Trace Leches, the great Michael Gonzalez on the drums, Nachos Belgrondo.

2:01We have the Purina Piper Matt Mewling on the electric guitar, the great John D's on the keys. And that, believe it or not, live in the flesh you are looking at the one and only... Demand Missed, ladies and gentlemen. Oh my god, this is a hot crowd, you guys sound good tonight, I like this audience. Fuck yeah, this is fantastic. Before we get this party starting, it's a big party tonight. Here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. Alright, before we get into it, I gotta tell you guys about something. We just launched Kill Tony Plus. Here's the deal. You sign up, you get every new episode, ad-free and uncensored. We're giving members a brand new angle of the show that's never been seen before. This is as close as you can get to sitting in the audience. You also get bonus content. Q&A episodes, behind the scenes stuff. Extra bits, you're not getting anywhere else.

3:02And there's perks on the merch store too. It's five bucks a month. That's less than a cost of a beer or a pack of cigarettes or a lot of fun things. Links in the description or go straight to killtoney.supercast.com to join. This is a very, very exciting opportunity for all you diehard fans and super haters. Go to KilltoneySupercast.com. Alright, back to the show. Hello there. Football is finally back and prize picks is bringing out their best offer yet. You know, new users get $150 in lineups if you win your first $5 lineup. Prize picks is now available nationwide. So lock in for kickoff because everyone is on prize picks. What you on this season, I'm all in on rookie receivers. I've been checking their player projections on prize picks and seeing how they fit into these new offenses. It's wild. It makes the game more fun to be locked in on specific performances. Red Band. Plus, it's stack September. Prize picks is dropping a new promo every day this month. Just pick two to six players.

4:02Then pick more or less on their projected stats and pass yards, rush yards and fantasy score. It is amazing. It's the best way to get more locked in on game day. You can make all the prize picks you want across any sport all in the same app. Download the app today and use code Tony to get $150 instantly in lineups. If you win your first $5 lineup, download the app today and use code Tony to get $150 instantly in lineups. If you win your first $5 lineup, prize picks run your game. You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show or what? You know, every single week I booked this thing differently. You know, last week, Yakov Smirnoff and the great Ari Maddie, the week before that Gary Owen, Brian Simpson. We went urban, little urban. And then we went Russian, Eastern European. And tonight we go a little bit wacky. We go a little bit. It's time for some fucking conspiratorial chaos, right?

5:02I present to you two of my favorite comedians in the world. And they are both considered now. They work together as the mystery boys. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for the great Duncan Strustle and Kurt Mechner. There is the pink, the fucking Strustle, the powerful, perfect girl, live in the butt. There is the Tennessee boys. They are the mystery boys. Available on Spotify and YouTube. Wow, Duncan Strustle, my man. Welcome back. How are you? I'm great, man. I'm great. Thanks for having me on the show. Absolutely, we love you. Can I just do something real quick in this kind of lame, it is your show. But me and Kurt, we don't think that comedy should always be funny. And... Most of the time, not at all.

6:02Not at all. And sometimes you need to use a platform to do something good for the world. Guys, we want to talk about a fund that we're raising money right now to free Andrew Tate. Let him raise him. Get him out. What's all this talk about? The Lindsey Clancy of Men deserves a chance too. That's right. Kurt Mechner is here, ladies and gentlemen. There he is. He's got the bullet card. There you go. The pipe. Wow, I'm looking forward to seeing some great comedy and some very interesting deformities. That's right. That's right. We're going to have a little bit of everything today. We have five special treats tonight, which is really crazy. That's a lot. Normally, there's only three. Normally, there's a golden ticket winner and two regulars. But we have some real big surprises scattered in the set lineup that I have tonight. And here, my friends, we have about 300 sign-ups.

7:06We'll let that one go first. Why not? Oh, I'm up. There goes their chance. There goes their chance, ladies and gentlemen. Anything can happen. Absolutely anything can happen. I'm going to let this guy, I don't even know how to make fun of this guy. He is so perfectly strange. I've never seen a white guy with a Jerry curl before. Is that a perm? Do you have to sit under one of those things for that? It's a fro. Are you jealous? You're jealous? I mean, that is unbelievably tight. I've seen a chufro before, but do you see the... Not as good as that one, but it is powerful. It is incredible. It's almost like a black fro. Your chufro is getting into black territory. What do you do in finance? What do you do? What do you do for work? Real estate. Basically finance. It's basically the same. We pulled the name. You understand how it works. That person, when they finally make it to the stage,

8:07is going to get 60 seconds. You know, their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten. They have to wrap it up then, so they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. Which really interrupts their set. I conduct an interview. We talk with them about perhaps their life. Anything else they could talk about? They're stand up. What else is going on in the world? They go from being a lucky stand up comedian to a guest on a podcast in 60 seconds. We give a little bit more time to our regular golden ticket winners, but all the bucka pulls are going to get 60 seconds. You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show or what? Well, it's an exciting thing that happens here on Killtony because every once in a while out of this magical bucket, we get someone who wins a golden ticket. It used to be extremely rare. As of late, so many great comedians are signing up trying to fucking get discovered on this show that it's been happening more often lately. This man I'm bringing to the stage, this is his first ever cash in on his brand new golden ticket.

9:07Just wanted a couple weeks ago. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for your first comedienne and a very funny man. It's Brent Reed, everybody. Woo! Just ran in from six straight, getting the shit scared out of me. I got came up to me and he was like, hey, you want to buy any fentanyl? I didn't know you could get that shit on purpose. I thought I had to be a surprise. You know, like an engagement or a finger in the butt. Some things are surprises. I just thought you had to get fentanyl on the side with the order of cocaine. I didn't know you could get that shit on my cart. I scared the hell out of it. I called my dad a day to catch up, asked him how he was doing. He never tells me how he feels. He said, Brent, I'll tell you what, if I was any better, I'd be twins. Can someone here explain to me what the fuck that means? What does that mean? What if the twins are sad? He speaks in riddles. Redneck dads, speaking riddles. My favorite one growing up, he'd be working on something. I'd be over his shoulder giving him advice.

10:09He'd go, Brent, I'm the one fucking this pig. You're the one holding it down. You ever heard that one? I was like, all right, well I'm six. You just taught me, you just taught me BC Audi, non-considual sex and metaphor. I went one swoop. Really, I appreciate you helping me put together my hot wheels track, my bow. I'm not going to need therapy for that one. Thank you guys so much. Brent, a mean two minute lots of punchlines. Lots of punchlines. I love it. Thank you, sir. I love that. I'm the one fucking this pig. You're the one holding it down. Where are you from again? Cato Alabama, population 1,200. That's right. That checks out. What does dad do for work? He's a manager, he's a project manager for an insulation company. That's what he does. So he works construction. And he's pumped to not be paying my phone bill anymore. He's pumped. I love it. That's exciting. I'm happier than a pig and shit. He's been, hey, runs in the family. The apple doesn't fall far from the pig's mouth. Amazing. I love it. How about mom? Does mom have a job there in Alabama?

11:13Yeah, she works at a bank. She's a nice lady, nice sweet lady. My mom's the sweetest lady on the planet. I could shit in a box and give it to her for her birthday and I swear to God she would open it up. You're like, oh you made this. My son made me something. We're going to check in with the great Kurt Metzger here. I mean, I don't know if that's sweet. That sounds RIT, A-R-T-I-T. What? What? It's not like your mom's a target. My mom's not retarded. She's a nice lady. She might be a little retarded. If I hit on my mother a box of shit, she slapped me in the face. She's a good person. I wouldn't actually do that. I would never give my sweet mom shit for her birthday. It's not that funny. I don't mean to be a grandma Nazi here. Kurt, but I'm pretty sure you spelt retarded from wrong. I just shouldn't. Oh, here we go. The woke bullshit from fucking Dennis Hopper over here. Wow, there's nothing more retarded than spelling retarded raw.

12:20That's amazing. I love it. I love it. These are the mystery boys. Brent, fantastic set. Way to get the show fucking started. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Appreciate it. Great, great, ladies and gentlemen. It's done again. And now you know what time it is. It's fucking time, everybody. This is where shingles are a little crazy. Anything can happen. Could be a crazy person. Could be the next great talent of the industry. We're going to give it 60 seconds uninterrupted to your first bucket pool of the night. It's Donna Lee. Everybody here comes Donna Lee. Hey, everybody. I'm Donna Lee. My mom is tired. My dad's Irish. I'm tired. She's the whole thing. But I went through a divorce a really long time ago. And my mom called me with her very heavy accent. And she goes, Donna, Donna, now you get the boss. Nobody want you in the mall. Donna, you have too much emotional luggage. I said, Mom, it's baggage, emotional baggage.

13:21And she said, see, you know, you have it. I'm like, look, that's not nice. I don't think I care for that. And she said, Donna, you have to get on something on the computer to meet new man. I have a friend. She have a girl. Your age. And she get the boss too because she's stupid like you. And she have to get. She have to get on computer on application. Or she meets the man. Don't know. I said, Mom, it dating app. And my mom goes, Donna, you have to get on something called Christian Meet-Hole. I said, Mom, it's Christian Mingle. And she goes, that's what I said. I said, that's all you said. I don't think it's appropriate, by the way. You're Asian, you're Buddhist. And I can't get on a Christian dating app moment. And she goes, Donna, if the man good looking, he have a lot of money. Your Christian now. I'm Donna, thank you. Donna Lee, Donna, you've been on this show before. I have. Welcome back. Hi, thank you.

14:21Oh, yeah, third time you said, how's life been going for you? Amazing because of this opportunity I'm traveling around the country doing comedy. I'm headlining. Wow, look at that. Amazing. Yeah, thank you. Amazing stuff. And you have a big documentary coming on in October. I just found out you're Elizabeth Holmes, right? No. Yes. If those crazy eyes. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, great. Is your mom a real lady? My mom is a real lady. Is she 100% what, Filipino? Ty. Ty. Yep. How about dad? What's dad? Irish. Nice. Big tall Irish dude. Yep. All right. Very cool. That's why I have crazy eyes, I guess. Yes. That would explain it. That and trauma from whatever. Let's check in with Kurt Metzger, who's going to spell something. Spoiler alert, you look like one of the killers from season three of Reacher. I don't know. Reacher. On M's bar. All right. PCHER. That's right. Oh no. That was retarded, Kurt. Thank you. Oh.

15:21This place is on fire tonight. So Donna Lee, you still have a boyfriend? Yes. You have a husband. What does he do? He's a real estate developer in Austin. Okay, real estate developer. Is your husband Jewish? No. Okay, you didn't have to say it like that. You anti-Semite. Oh. That sounded bad, you're right. I meant no. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. You're right. I meant no. Still Santa kind of rough. I love it. What is he? What is your husband? He's half Italian, half French. Ooh, half Italian. Last name, Lamandola. Oh, okay. That's not Danny. Is it the famous wider theater? No, that's Amandola. Oh, okay. All right. Donna, give us another fun fact about your life.

16:22What else have we not talked about before? Let's see. I'm so pleased and blessed to be. This is my dream, by the way. I did comedy 12. I took 12 years off of comedy in 2006 after I did comedy. Anyway, I came back May 2024. And now I'm a full-time touring comic since May 2025. And this show has opened more doors for me than I can possibly share with you. It's been amazing. So thank you. And I'm a clean. I'm a clean comic. You're a clean comic. Yep. Yeah. I'm doing the things. I've opened for Leanne Morgan, Joe Koi, DL Hugley, back a long time ago. And now I'm headlining the same clubs. So I'm excited to be here. Isn't that fun? Yes. I always brag about how sweet you've been to me. So thank you. That's what I do. I'm a nice guy. I'm often misunderstood, but I'm famously one of the nicest people in the industry. That's right. You have been to me. I've been to fights with people about you. So I just want you to know I'm out there defending Tony Angel. That's right. That's what you should do. I stand up for people that are also misunderstood, that do great things for the world, and a thankless, thankless world.

17:23Where they take a lot of heat and a lot of bad energy from people. Because they're misunderstood because they don't watch actual, they don't have the correct information. They're watching fake news. Go ahead, Duncan. I'm also a good person. I have done incredibly great things. Yeah. And you have, yes too. Thank you. I didn't want to have to say it, but yeah. Yeah. He does charity work. He helps people that are our ITTAR. Absolutely. Absolutely. Donnelly, congratulations. Thank you. That's a fun set. Here's a medium joke book to take home with you on a casual little Monday afternoon. And on we go to the next bucket pool ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for them. Oh my God. There she is. Wow. Can you believe it? That is the life specimen. Just absolute perfection. My God. I know what you guys are thinking.

18:25I wonder what her farts smell like. Me too. We all do. Every day. Even when we're not here. Even in the middle of the night sometimes wake up. The hot sweat. Wondering. What do Heidi's farts smell like? Well, you can find out because we are now selling Heidi's farts in a jar. At Killmurch.com. Maybe it's an empty jar? Nothing's in it. Maybe you got hit the lucky lottery. And you get to smell an actual fart of Heidi's in a jar. Go to Killmurch.com. Mmm. Mmm. You know, fall hits like a switch. Suddenly the slow wandering pace of summer turns into earlier alarms, tighter schedules. And that feeling of everything landing at once. When all of that picked back up. A.G.1 was the one thing that didn't get renegotiated. It's the anchor. One scoop eight ounces of cold water before the day starts running. You, Red Band. A.G.I. helps maintain energy support, gut health, and support immune health.

19:29It's clinically shown to support gut health and fill common nutrient gaps. It's a daily health drink with a multivideum, pre- and probiotic superfoods and anti-oxid. Yes. One scoop eight ounces of water done and magically consistent consistency is the magic. When everything else shifts, A.G.1 stays simple. The next gen formula delivers 75 plus ingredients clinically shown to support gut health. Fill nutrient gaps on improved key nutrient levels within three months. It fits right into my routine. Quick, reliable and something I can actually feel working over time. You should give it a try too for a limited time. Save 20% on your first subscription order of A.G.1. Next gen or A.G.1 Pro drink A.G.1.com slash kill Tony. That's drink A.G.1.com slash kill Tony. Your next fucking poll goes by the name of Matthew Jordan. Everybody. What's it going? So who's here? Ben, I'm a Gumbry County jail lately. This one has pretty fun there. You know what they actually give the in baits there?

20:32iPads. You know what they go back to? They start talking about their lives and everything like that. So if you have buddies, family or anybody in jail, they've already talked about everything you've already done. They've told everything you've already done. And they just going for commissary. They just love to get the commissary like that. They start talking about that stuff. You got your whole family tree. Everything when you he gets out, he's going to go find you. They already know it's here. They've hooked up AI to that shit. Then they're going to find out where you at. What you're going to do. It's quite amazing. And you talk to them. And it's just like they're giving up everything for sandals for socks. It's quite amazing. It was such a great experience. Well, I went a little farther. But you got to go. It's the most incredible thing. It's an experience you get there. I mean, it's a comic. Just what you get there. I mean, I gave it a five star. I mean, it's just a little lumpy like a little mattress or something like that. But it's going fucking good. All right. Matthew Jordan. That was going.

21:33Matthew Jordan. Matthew Jordan. That is welcome to the show. This is your first time here. Oh, this would be my second time. Okay. Yeah, I did terrible the first time. I got scared. I was like, Holy shit, it's happening again. Yeah. And then people started laughing at the unbelievable chaos. No definitive punchline. But the part that won everybody over was you have to check it out sometimes. You do. I mean, it changes your fucking life. I mean, it's a lot better out there. Slow it down a little bit. Let's slow it down. Let's talk about it. How long have you been doing stand-up comedy or whatever? About about two years, but stand up about two years now, but I've been doing other comedy. Okay. What other comedy have you been doing? I've been doing improv long form. I'm designing my own stage at home and stuff like that. I'm a big. I'm doing all fucking online and shit like that. You know, with that beard and the jittery energies, I have to ask you, can you spell the word retarded for me? Retarded. I could. Retarded. It's okay. You don't have to. Matthew, what do you do for a living?

22:33I'm retired now. I was really, uh, restaurant manager. Can you spell retired for me? No, because it has the eye and the e, one of those two. Whoa. All right. One has an eye, one has an e. Perfect. Matthew, what did you do for work? What do you retire? I'm a restaurant manager. Wow. You retired from restaurant manager? That's a hard job to retire from. How did you do that? I have to know the head. I ended up in jail, so you never know. What are you retarded? What else are you retarded? What else are you retarded? What else are you retarded? Well, I'm too retarded. I have to know the head. I'm retarded. Okay. Okay. I'm retarded. I'm retarded. So, uh, how long ago were you in jail? It was about, it was Mother's Day. I actually went in for Mother's Day. Wow. Yeah, it was. It was back. It's been 48 hours and intake. You can't say. So what exactly did you do to get to go to jail? That's what the world wants. That's what I'm trying to figure out now. I mean, I drove by my old house. It was high to my son. 15 seconds later. The cops pulled me out of the restaurant. 15 two houses to a stop sign they were there. I was in a rental car and they knew I was there I'm like how the hell did you do that? Oh, is there son? He's 22 you waved to your son. Yeah, he was out front

23:37Say hey, I was just passing by so what are the odds? What are the odds that you pass by and your son was there Well, where exactly was he? The odds were probably a hundred percent. He doesn't go anywhere, but he was just standing out front Yeah, yeah, that's what I was so I said, hey, what's going on? That's what I'm saying. I know That's what you're saying that's what I'm saying. I think I was set up the whole entire time, but how could I hold it? Why wait? What do you think your son did that to you? No, it's fine If he wanted he's an adult he could do whatever he wants, but do you think he did? I know he could but do you think I Talked into the lawyers and stuff like that. Did your did your son know that you were about to drive by Did you that was in a rental car? That's what shocked me. I was like oh, he's shit Even if you were in a rental car, you could have called him and been like hey, I'm in the neighborhood He doesn't drive my father. He doesn't answer your calls. He says he answers everything like I'm supposed to know the fucking answers Every question I ask What was the joke wow was there any joke in there? I'm promoting the jail it changed my life look where I'm okay. We're going back. We're gonna let's Let's check him with Kurt Metzger here. What are you sure is he that guy that at the Charlie Kirk shooting pulled his pants down

24:43And said it was me That is he does he out he does a beard. He does have that energy does have that energy. He had a beard a weird story Let's check him with the great Duncan Trussell Don't let restraining orders keep you away from your son man That's exactly what I'm starting to get to here. That's what I'm fishing around for do you and your son get along? We did not even much anymore. He's a big why do you not get along anymore? I'm a divorced dad now So and I moved Austin so sure a lot of stuff coming on. That's why I'm doing a lot of 22 Why would you guys not get along normally a divorce wouldn't stop a 22 year old from liking his own father? I don't know that's what I'm trying to figure out. I know idea whatsoever What is mom's I'm very happy with me so why why is she not happy with you? Oh, I mean we had our problems marriage for 20 years We got a divorce and we went our show several ways. I was a stay home dad so And a restaurant manager. Yeah, restaurant man. Dave David Buster's is quite incredible. You were Dave and Buster I was wow your favorite places. I mean you talk about absolutely

25:46Yeah, I love Dave and Busters, but now let me tell you I'm no longer a Dave and Busters guy I'm now loyal to the local art of pinballs. It ends in his I agree with it highly recommend pinballs everybody they have electric go-karts You can just hold down the gas the entire time none of that crazy nasty go-karts smell It's all electric now. They have it dialed in even you thrifty people that don't like spending your money so much Might enjoy a great day over it You're welcome pinballs you get it? That's right. Let's check in with Duncan Well the funny thing about that is pinballs is the name of the guy who fisted him last time he was You know pinballs yeah You never he was nice You never want to get in the cell with a guy named pinballs so 48 hours in jail You have no idea I was it for two weeks They took my phone and everywhere I had no in the call the only person I call it was my ex-wife They tell you what you were charged with well, yeah

26:47I had actually happened there that was when it was legal and they said it was crystal meth I swear to God I'm like how wait they took your phone and they took my phone They put everything in a rental car told the rest of I had no in the call the only number I remember was my ex-wife And so I was like shit so she had message on there that I've been jailed and she enjoyed that shit So it's like my fuck and so I couldn't go slow it down slow it down Only answer the questions that I asked ready. I didn't have one so now okay here we go here comes another one You're ready Matthew yes, how the hell did they think that hemp Was crystal meth oh it was those diamonds it was I was vaping it You were the diamond it was there was a hemp diamond stuff that you can buy and you vape it It doesn't have a smell or anything like that it's like a stone. Yeah, it was it was crystal you buy it off hometown heroes It was gone home down here. There's diamond its happens. Is it clear? Yeah, it's a clear crystal That's what they told me they came in an unmarked box and everything in the mail it was very it was very legit

27:47Let's check in with Duncan Trustle our senior crystal meth chorus fond of Do I look like I am the Lord of the drugs? I just know that no one has ever looked at you and thought he's on crystal meth. That's never happened It hasn't happened. That's what shocked me. Yeah, you seem like somebody You tried to smuggle crystal meth, but they gave me hemp you seem like you would make the crystal meth in your own laboratory I've never heard anyone call it hemp when they got arrested for weeks Yeah, that too the hemp things very clean drug at it not trying to solve a mystery here But whatever you did must been pretty bad. Yeah, hemp is one level more dangerous than papyrus. Yeah, you go to jail now I mean because of me it's a paper jokes for those of you the can't keep up I'm not really known for my paper jokes, but when in Rome When in Rome, okay, so obviously they tested this

28:51Theoretically and it tested positive for crystal meth. I didn't see the I didn't see the test or anything But oh good boy. I did not see it, but let's face it Let me tell you is just a normal citizen. They're not just out arresting white guys for having bad vape juice You know this right? Yeah, you bought crystal meth Whether you like it or not it was shipped to you where do you it's not addictive apparently? So right that's what the dealer wants you to think that's how the deal at any time you talk a lot That's how the dealer gets you to buy it and then all of a sudden you bought it and now you're addicted to crystal Matt did you really really really really really really miss your vape juice when you were in jail? Yeah, I have a I mean it was Sarah and everything. It was just who what Jesus I gotta get you out of here. I gotta get you out of here. There he goes. Matthew Jordan with a small joke book It's the lady birthday killer There he goes He's shaped odd. I didn't even notice his odd shape until he was walking away

29:53There's the lovely Heidi everybody. We're gonna keep it moving along to our third bucket pool of the night Clearly anything can happen Mixing noise for him. It's Patricio Gutierrez everybody Patricio You know when high school everyone called me a scrub and Look at me now I'm single, but I think are you single it's kind of a weird question if you think about it like are you asking if there's more than one of me? What do you mean to my single do you need glasses did you get your head? Or could be booze you know, I'm sure to some of you all I don't look single I Feel like the only people that would really not be single would be like enjoying twins They're definitely double But I am single people ask me how my last relationship ended she had a sleeping problem. She slept with everyone

30:54So was a bit of a problem there Thank you on Patricio The truth you see a goodie air is 44 seconds of an entire minute. Are you coming straight from the hospital right now from work? Yeah, what do you do for work? I'm an optometrist optometrist. You know I doctor. Yes. Yes, and I doctor indeed and I also don't work glasses Which some people think is all like they don't know if they should trust me. Oh Very interesting. How long have you been an eye doctor for about a year? Yeah graduated 2025 You talk very fast. Are you an auctioneer on the side? I can do it if you're looking for one. I can tell Boking him to tell Would you say 30 35 20 25 graduated 20 25? Yeah, 20 25 You're slinging glasses out there. That's right. How long have you been? No, so you got it in 2025 I graduated 2025 so and you're and you're already a full-time doctor That's right amazing. Do you have your own practice? Are you working on lens crafters or something like that?

31:59Probably practice. Yeah, not my own wow. That's very good especially for goodie air is that's amazing See this horn players you guys could have gone to college for two years longer. I Love it. You must be the pride of your family am I correct? No, they're proud. Yeah. Yes, absolutely You have brothers and sisters one older brother when younger sister. Yeah, what is the brother do? He's very Catholic That is his job. Wow. He talks about The shroud of turin if you heard of that. Oh, yes. Yeah, yes, absolutely. Yeah, that's what he does. He does that for a living He does that for a living amazing. Well, how about the sister? What does she do? She's a stay-at-home mom? She's stay-at-home Not mom not a mom yet. Wow So you say that you're single It's amazing because you're a good looking guy you're an eye doctor you talk at a very fast rate seems like you'd be good at dates

33:01When's the last time you went on a date? I think it's close to a year now. Yeah, I've been really been dating at all. Just working you have girls that flirt with you when you're checking out their eyes I did have a very flirty patient the other day. Yeah, tell us about that. She asked if I examine anything else Oh Hello Hello Oh my goodness. Did you take the ball and run with it or what would you do with that? No You you handled it like a professional. I'm trying to keep my license right so told her they're no and if you could slide your depends back on that be great Amazing hurt master. Oh be honest. I don't believe this guy single. Oh Tell us more I doctor with a private practice. Uh-huh trad calf. Uh-huh People want to do an example of the things you think he's really single guy Find it hard to believe myself. Yeah, it sums up here. Yeah, the truth

34:02No mystery I'm not saying I can solve it. Let me ask you this. Let me ask you this You have a regular like booty call or something like that. Yeah, oh, no, no You don't have a little fuck body in your life Nothing at all. I think it all yeah checking with Duncan Trustle Let Kurt smell your dick. Ah That is how we figure out the one line does and I for an eye Listen to Bible When's the last time you had sexual relations with a woman It's over a year I think wow, but if my parents are watching never Oh, you don't want them to know. Yeah, they're very Catholic. They're like your brother. They're like my brother. Wow Did you dick ever go off in someone's eye? No What all right Patricio how about for hobbies and stuff you have any fun hobbies You seem like the kind of guy that likes to like finger skateboard or something like that That's a kid I did yeah really yeah wow look at that. I have an eye for talent

35:06I watch a lot of movies and I'm also pretty strict about movie etiquette. Oh, let's talk about movie etiquette. What are some of your rules? Well, like I just don't think people should be talking during movies. I agree. Oh my god. Oh my goodness You know red band has a group singled out. Yeah At home if you're talking all positive movie I love it, buddy. I'm with you dude. I go stuff further if you made me miss something already winded a little bit Yeah, I'm with you. I'm with you. Yeah, this this one time actually my my ex, you know, Roland at the time She was over my place to watch Harry Potter and I keep doing this because she kept talking and You know she got upset and left so I guess my Charms made her disappear there. Oh Look at that. Do you remember what she was saying during Harry Potter? Do you remember what she was talking about? She asking questions or about gonna have a cold conversation. Yeah, I'm not sure if it was about the movie at all either right

36:08Absolutely unacceptable Duncan knows all about this nothing worse than when one of those damn ladies starts talking to her in Harry Potter Free everyday free That is amazing Patricio other than movies. Is there anything else crazy? We should know about you No, I don't know because you seem like a good guy you seem very like you have it all together Let me ask you this specifically, you know, and yes your parents might see this but they get it right we're all adults They have their little secrets to Catholics. Let me tell you they Boy oh boy, they love a secret double life. You're looking at I went 12 years of Catholic schooling and let me tell you all those people that preached to me this that they all took Turned out to be scumbuckets in the end right there covering up crimes at Ursula in high school in youngstown, Ohio sex trafficking Across state sex trafficking look it up. This is the high school that disowned me during the old Puerto Rico thing

37:13Anyway, oh, well, I'm disowning them you hear me Ursula in high school. I'm disowning you now. How does it feel? Yeah Your mouth shut the news cycle would end it in a couple days, but you had to go out there. Okay So we know your Catholic parents are watching we know your brother is putting down the shroud of turn for a second and listening to this But let me I got to ask you because you're don't you're living the life dude private practice I doctor single Get on like talking to movies. You're perfect What I want to know is what's the naughtiest thing about you? What's a naughty give us one dark side of Patricio? You know something that like is a guilty pleasure in which you're like man I probably shouldn't be doing like I like to go to pinballs and spend vast sums of money on On claw machines I a guilty guilty guilty claw machine I have a puppy at home and I just win him fucking stuffed animals I bring home bags of stuffed animals from my little puppy and he just tears them up

38:19I throw them in the trash because who gives a fuck there's more stuffed animals. That's mine. What's yours? I Don't know I like swimming. I think that's a good date The fuck out of here This is got Dexter hunts on the show Dexter oh God I'm gonna die All that set up all my all my rambling I gave you so much time to think well the naughtiest thing about me Tony I like I like like like going for a dip everyone's no I like getting my dick wet, but not the way you think Tony Like jumping in a pool perhaps a Chorinated swimming pool for me tone. I think it's a good first day. That's what I was saying

39:20I was chilling he's got like a collection of people's eyeballs is fucking safe Right now his parents are like wow what a good boy. We raise Amazing Patrice yo you came in short on your time, but I Like your style man. I like everything about you seem like an honest guy who's just a fucking good guy You're just starting out how long been on stand up one week one week Perfect for one week your perfect man. Here's a big joke book. I love it Patrice yo goodie he gets him glasses. That was a bad toss. That was my fault the rare bad toss From Tony Hinchcliffe there goes Patrice yo goodie he is Hey y'all you know taking control of mental health can feel overwhelming but talk space makes prioritizing well being Simple and accessible as the number one rated online therapy platform talk space connects you with licensed Therapists and psychiatrists anytime anywhere just like physical fitness requires regular exercise

40:21Mental health demands ongoing care. I know how easy it is to put self-care on the back burner But taking this step makes a massive difference better mental health directly supports physical vitality built self-awareness and improves daily stress management You know who needs help with all those things red band? Talk space therapists provide practical tools to help manage life's challenges and build confidence and master the communication skills needed for stronger and more meaningful Relationships. I love how it seamlessly My busy schedule I can schedule it right away They're very flexible and affordable with more insured members paying as little as zero Dollar co-pay start building a stronger healthier mind today by using talk space dot com That's right and as a listener of this podcast you'll get eighty dollars off your first month with talk space when you go to talk space dot com and enter promo code space eight zero. That's SPAC eight zero to match with a licensed therapist today Go to talk space dot com and enter promo code space eight zero a talk space therapist will be in your corner for whatever comes up

41:22To talk through your hard relationships Share your pride and big accomplishments And be a place for you to vent day or night When you make space for a therapist who just gets you life just gets brighter Talk space therapists are all licensed with an average of 10 years of experience Talk space is covered by most insurance plans and maybe no cost to you go to talk space dot com to get started You know, let's do something a little fun here before I get to this next bucket bowl I have a golden ticket winner right behind that curtain. I warned you guys tonight is an action packed show and We're gonna get a quick set and a short interview from one of my favorite golden ticket winners ever this guy Dark dark sense of humor Super professional a guy who I just I love them ladies and gentlemen I think you up them too. It's the return of Sir Winston Pickles everybody I

42:28Can't believe how many foster children are out there And to be honest, I think mr. and Mrs. Foster needs to quit fucking Talking of a wanted children you can get rid of babies without using exercise resistance bands You can't believe it or not leave them no questions asked on the doorstep of any Firehouse sub sandwich shop You know people think I don't like children making jokes like that, but I'm thankful children are around Who else would mind the cobble for our batteries? Thank you I'm getting old now I'm 61 and there I think back to I think back to certain years when

43:34Events change how you think about life and I yeah, I remember play with my favorite toys And it dawned on me suddenly you're too old to be doing that now Saw you round your toes up on them in the car and there Take into the back of a good will and set those ladies free I'm gonna leave you with this This weekend max 25 years Since the most heinous acts was perpetrated on mankind Silver side up by nickel back was released Fortunately the twin towers came down that week and gave us a welcome distraction Sir Winston pickles

44:35So dark this humor so dark he has to do white face. We got a love it You are something else or Winston pickles. I love your style. How's life going good? Good been a good week for me. I have chronic depression and now I've got the Thank you I have chronic depression and apparently now I can strangle babies with no That is true that is true you'll get a mistrial look how they're cheap Little so clown horn you got there red band. That's adorable Yes, it is true sir Winston pickles house life been treating you good you've been working hard Why can I Tony as always I love it? I'm trying to post every day on my Instagram account keep not going yes absolutely check me out sir Winston pickles There he is sir Winston pickles guys. Do you have any questions or comments for sir Winston pickle? I love you Winston pickles, but no offense. I feel like you're stealing some of John Wayne gacy's jokes I saw that too

45:37Now look we all love a good Burtering a child joke, okay, but why do you text on nickelback they're helpless? I did notice you got a pick on somebody who could defend themselves like a small baby Sir Winston we love you another great dark set from the great sir Winston pickles Thanks for opening totally always a pleasure sir Winston great stuff Men in a half of some real real darkness there and The show keeps moving on was he like cold play the classy nickel back sir Winston What did he give you guys what is that is that a bumper sticker? Oh? Caution baby in shrunk that's amazing How about a handful of lovely Heidi working hard tonight? All right, I know your next bucket pull everybody this is a former comedy store door guy Put make some noise for trace steward everybody

46:43Wow, yeah, I dedicate this set to Lindsey Clancy We got any Lindsey Clancy supporters Good fuck that bitch Right now it's wow man, you know, I haven't seen this many white women rally behind a murderer since Hillary Clinton It is wow man, I mean you immediately when I heard that I knew she was white right the crime This is some crimes where you hear you know the race Right like if somebody you know rob that liquor store black guy Somebody breaks into your house starts doing math Asian He murders the three kids that's white woman all day. That's white man And this is what liberals get for legalizing later portions I am but to be clear I am pro choice You know, I believe in women's right to choose whether or not they're going to hell because

47:45I They're going straight to hell that's what time right to it with exactly a minute a real professional Warmer comedy store door guy welcome trade. How are you good good? You live in Austin now, right? Yes, how long have you lived here a little over a year? Okay? How's it going for you good pretty good? She's out here murdering trans people You have to really even doing that legally you have to know I'm not oh yeah, no, it's been going great I'm having a good time Trying to the date it's tough dating here. Tell me about it. Well, it's just a lot of white Women normally that's a that's a perk for your people Are they not that's true there are they not big booty dinner for you? No, they are but I'm trying to quit the Ozempics really fucking up my homies game am I right? Ozempic be Trifling

48:45Instead of truffle and they used to be truffle and now they're trifling out on these streets all these white women be losing They're out. They are it's a is that where you were getting to it's an epidemic man All these flat ass white woman it's a good girl to get the guy man go eat some fucking cornbread That's right put some butter. Yeah, I'm trying to actually move away from white women. I'm a recovering white woman Addictives I'm trying you know I'm trying to get back on God's path. That's right white men Honey, I'll fuck you if that's what you say Trey you're about to win a golden ticket you keep acting like this All right, uh Trey what else is going on in life? What do you do for fun? What are you into used to like the kind of guy The likes of fingerscape orders something like that Is that like finger in a girl or what are you talking about? Now it's white people shit. They ignore it. Just keep tell us what you do for fun You know, it's funny. I see we have the mystery boys here

49:45What about one of my favorite things is actually I like to like fall down like just deep YouTube rabbit holes You know, yeah like what like I Like they I saw a video that said the truth behind the magic school bus Part five is five wow What was the truth behind it? Well, it was four hours, but we don't have that much time So I'll just get to it. It was the Jews. Oh Amazing Kurt Metzker, well a lot of people are know that Trey is actually a mystery boys junior achiever He's in our program after school. Oh wow Realized history was spelled with a Z And boys it is what ratio is a mystical I think they like zesty Anyway, I didn't appreciate the Hillary Chit Clinton jokes that woman did a lot come on you're right

50:47I'm sorry. That was a good one. That was a good one fourth Lindsey Clancy reference of the night, but yours really hit at home. I think oh like you wouldn't fuck her dude I would Fuck the shut up. Nothing. I know that you know she has no kids I don't fuck with mine But You're creating a market now, but from what I heard she's she likes sending the men out to run some errands So not my kind of lady. That's true. How about you run the errands. I strangled it shoulder Show so stupid. I can't believe this show is successful. It's unbelievable You know what's interesting about the Lindsey is you know she said that she heard a man's voice Telling her to murder her kids, so she's really just being obedient. Wow You know what these white women might not be that bad after all

51:48How about a round of applause for being obedient how obedient? Absolutely Absolutely all right, Trey great stuff red band I love W on the secret show Thursday. Oh, yeah You know, I'm always in the mood for meat in my mouth tonight sponsors Maryweather Farms natural beef sticks I love beef sticks of course you do red band you look like your blood type is gas station Terry ocky man These aren't gas station beef sticks. They're made with real American beef raised without antibiotics or added hormones That's right real American beef Not some imported mystery tube made from refined circus animals in the floor of a bus station There's savory packed with nine grams of protein and easy to take anywhere I have some in my pants right now Lord knows you do work the gym your truck or brine's bedroom where every snack

52:51Becomes a cry for help man. They taste incredible no doubt about it and unlike most things Brian puts in his mouth you can probably tell your family about these So go to Maryweather Farms.com right now and use code word kill Tony to get 20% off your first order of beef sticks That's in ER I W E T H E R Farms.com Wow, you spelled very well red band Marywell Maryweather Farms natural beef sticks real American beef bold flavor And enough protein to help you survive another open mic or one conversation with red band. Oh gosh You know I'm warning some right now Tony that'll help you great. Maybe chewing will finally keep you quiet. Oh, man That's Maryweather Farms.com and code kill Tony for 20% off your first order Hmm, hmm how fun this looks like a new name makes the noise for Zane a Nass everybody Zane a Nass I

53:54Well twist my cock and throw it across the block. Hey Trevor how you been? Why people say the funniest shit when they haven't seen each other in a while um Anyone else grow up with a funny name Well, I did so my first name is spelled ANAS So growing up in school and teacher did roll call she say anus is anus here And just the fuck would I say they call me anus because I wrecked them So Thank you So I just arrived in Texas. I went to this my new favorite store H e b and Yeah, fuck yeah guys and I could not find a parking spot this place was packed So I'm sitting there circling the block trying to find a spot And I come up with an idea

54:54I come up with an idea and it's a app like uber but instead of a driver coming to pick you up a Disabled person is delivered to you That way you can park in a handy house spot. I think we get it. We see where you're going there There it is the full set of zane anus welcome zane. How are you? Anus you can call me anus. No, it's all right. It's a Nass. We'll call it a Nass. What are you Greek? I'm a Syrian. Oh How long have you been in America you look like you just got here today? Um, I was I was actually born in Texas. Oh Okay, all right. I'm sorry. Deed does not like Syrians. He's gonna Step out for a bit. He's very big on um, world peace so He doesn't believe that you were born here. He's blind so he has extra senses. So he knows when somebody's lying Subzane uh amazing. How did your Syrian parents end up in Texas of all places?

55:57Um, man so long think of a lie real quick I'll tell you the truth Mr Tony long story short my father came here Back in the 70s. Uh, he got married to a flight attendant And um then he went back to my country That's how my dad got here then he went back to my country and he met my mother. Amazing brother here Amazing, you know what normally I wouldn't believe you but you called me Mr Tony And everybody knows that I love that I love being called Mr Tony So only three people to call me Mr. Tony my cleaning lady my cleaning lady and you Red man's laughing because he knows it's true. We have the same cleaning lady and I carved by her first Mr Mr. Red Ben you're underwear very dirty Let's check in with my steam panel here don't he wants them up All right, let's check it with my panel My Duncan hey um, I'm is your first name

57:00Anus Zanus yeah, I got I go by Zane Zane is my middle name, but my first legal name is a nice though. I'm just I have a weird name Duncan. That's a weird name, but I Did if you ever asked your parents? Why they named you a nice? Yeah, they tell me in my language. It's like red band red band is uh come on Red man. We're loving serious so red man. I'm fucking disrespectful So disrespectful apologize to anus Red man The serious part of the show Why did I want anus why did they name you that why what does that mean in Syrian does it mean something better than it does Other tells me an ought to be air big that it means like friendly generous happy How long did they live in America before having you? My Fuck that's a good question. I don't know wow. I don't know since this my my pops came here in the 70s

58:04Okay, he went to Woodstock. Yeah, okay, but when they had you They knew what anus meant. Yeah, my mother didn't know English. Oh, oh, I see I grew up at home speaking Mangus my second and rotate school. Yeah Amazing Amazing, I thought you did great anus I I would like that because I was nervous just for this Jew over here because I thought you were Persian and What a relief to find out he was not Iranian our old enemy that we're fighting on behalf of your good people sir Uh, no Syria. I think we just installed uh ISIS as your president over there. So you're welcome first of all You're welcome Zane what do you do for work? Uh, man embarrassingly right now. I'm just uh working in my car and sleeping in as well. You're working in your car Okay, Kurt here we go

59:05What are you doing for work in your car just doobar? Oh? Got it. Yep, very Syrian of you and you're sleeping in the same vehicle. Yes. I drove 30 hours here from the west coast Okay, where do you live You live on the west coast? Yes, sir. Where? Very close to the store where you started Okay, Hollywood you go there do you sign up for their open mics and whatnot? I honestly have never tried stand-up in LA But you live there. I live there you drove all the way here. Yes, sir Just to start stand-up several weeks ago. I've been here signing up every got it Where do you park what kind of car you what kind of car do you have? Um, it's a Chevy Chevy what equinox got it um Where do you park when sleeping in your car? This is a question. I always like to ask people I've famously slept in my car 19 years ago behind the comedy store. You can't even do that anymore. It's blocked off

1:00:08Yes, sir. Yeah, so you know that was safe for me. I worked there. I knew everybody there I could shower there. I could wash my clothes there. It's very tough to live in your car How do you do it? What are your tricks? I find that to be an intriguing thing to know that you can survive no I'm so simple go ahead. I'm sorry. I found out for um anyone else that's doing over there's a surge at 4 a.m by uh Bergs Storm International Airport. Yes, Bergstrom. Yeah, it's fine 4 a.m. There's a surge so I get up at like 350 and There's a charger right by the airport. Uh-huh. So I charge my car up Juice that shit up and start working. Okay. Very good. Duncan Trussel Hey, I you know, I know you probably wanted to say this uh, but I've got some good news for you Tony is gonna get you a week at the four seasons hotel here in Hawz Oh

1:01:12Good person he's a good person Definitely not Hey, can I say something mr. Tony? Yes, sir I don't want you all to feel bad for me because my my car like I could turn on the camp mode and I just keep the AC running all night and I turn on the 432 Frequency so I don't hear the crackheads outside amazing wait wait till you stay at the four seasons I Mean but if you sleep in your car Like people are gonna go in your car like as an uber does it smell like ainess in there or like I mean like cybertaxies are going to take your job because of this cybertaxies are coming for everybody's jobs It is amazing little hack so I bought an ins Essential oil diffuser for the car wow my car smells like uca lip this uca lip So I love it all my favorite smells and I have a lot of favorite smells leather

1:02:16sandalwood There is no smell I love more than uca lip this It is my absolute favorite I haven't hanging in my shower right now I buy the actual uca lip this From the uca lip this store and I hang fresh I get it fresh every few weeks The lady that calls me mr. Tony brings it to me She knows I like a fresh rotation of uca lip this When you hear that noise you know that I said uca lip this That's a jungle bird all right Anas anas anas all right um so what made you yeah you is this your first time doing stand-up? I'm confused you where you've been doing open mics in Austin Yes, sir Austin and Houston and I do a lot of shit in my like when I'm working you love your car You're in your car all the time. I make you have a oil diffuser you work in your car You're sure you're not Persian

1:03:17I'm not Persian. I'm still let me ask you this because I didn't really get an answer to this You went straight into how you work in your car but tell me and the people the world wants to know Tell us about um How do you shower living in a car? Yeah, I found out there's a cool gym called um Crunch fitness for 999 a month you can go It's open actually 24 hours because I found a 24 hour, but it's not open 24 hours Interesting. Yeah, so I found crunch fitness and I just go shower there amazing Amazing you got it all figured out there. It is Zayn and Osley. Oh mr. Tony. Yes I hate to uh, I hate to ask for anything, but I actually I don't wrap, but I made a wrap just for your show. Oh Jesus really It's it's only four bars. Okay, let's hear the four bars. Let's do it. Let's do it all right You want to you want to beat you on a little beat? I don't need none. Oh, okay. All right. All right

1:04:21All right I go It's too many hate it so I keep her shield red band looking like he ate a happy meal And she just came along for the weed and pills. Mama. I'm on kill Tony. Gotta keep it real. All right Hey You do look like you just say to happy now Here's a yeah, mom to talk. Here's a medium joke book Zayn. There you go, buddy There you go. That was actually nice if I'm to say I was eating a smaller meal. That is a small meal for you He didn't say how many happy meals you ate Oh, it's single. He said a happy meal, but you could have eaten more Could have been the another happy I bet he's that deep He is so deep All right, we're gonna keep him moving here. This guy has a pretty good handwriting normally That's a sign of a decent comedian. Let's see if the tradition stays strong here make some noise for Tim Riker and everybody Tim Riker

1:05:27Tell you a bit about myself folks actually my wife told me this the other day She said you know, you're the kind of dick that inspires people to put the word weed afterwards. You're a dick weed The thing that I just told you about myself is that I'm married to that kind It's all right. I only do that joke because she's in the room and it's her favorite Because she wrote it Actually, she wrote the setup I wrote the punch line It's a team effort marriages a team sport. It's a team one of my uncles on my wedding day He told me said Tim you know the best thing about marriages you get to share all the good things in your life with someone else Which is kind of obvious, but I've discovered that the best thing about marriages you get to share all the bad things in life with someone else So it cuts all your bad shit in half right? It's like I'm not in debt. We're in debt I'm not getting evicted we're getting evicted

1:06:27I don't have climidia We're getting a divorce so you know you share the good share the bad is Tim Riker very good. So that welcome Tim You too How long you been on stand up? That was actually my first stand up comedy set really Sorry, I wasn't done. I wasn't done in 15 years wow you took a 15-year break It was a 15-year break. Yeah, how long were you doing it for before the break? 20 years 20 years where at I started in 1990 Where? Toronto. Okay. You were doing it for 15 years in Toronto. Yeah, well in Toronto and Vancouver Okay, you're a full-blown Canadian Full-blown Canadian and what made you restart to howl? Are you I'm 60 years old. Oh, you look great for 60 Thank you. Amazing. What made you want to restart stand up comedy here today in Austin, Texas? Well, you know, I missed it. I missed you know the love

1:07:30I missed I missed all that but You know, I was really inspired by the Austin comedy scene. I was just kind of I wanted to come down just to see it And then I was like well, let's do some sets while you're down there And I flew in on the red I last night. Yeah, I was not expecting my first. I would not have done this to you I would not have done my first set after 15 years on the show great when great thought I'd sign up and I got pulled I couldn't believe it. It was fantastic fantastic So let's talk about it. I love having uh I love having older people on this show because during this interview part they normally have a wealth of history and information and knowledge You need to know anything interesting about your 60 years of life tell us some fun facts about Tim Reiker Fun facts about Tim Reiker. I mean, you know, this is the part of the show where I try to find out what makes people different What makes them tick what what what are their passions? What have they anything crazy? Have I have a near death experience? You ever save anybody's life you ever fingers capable?

1:08:31Available at killmurch.com by the way Uh, you know the other big things in my life are surfing and poker and philosophy Interesting. What about what's the most interesting thing about philosophy that you've learned? What's the most interesting thing about philosophy? Well, what department of philosophy? Like there's a like a movie and you can pick it my friend I can pick it. Yeah. Uh, free will doesn't exist. Tell us about it. No, I just said that cascades here. He doesn't like that Is philosophy that kind of sandwich that them a like the last guys people make? I like them. You like a nice philosophy sandwich Look on a flatbread Uh, Tim Reiker. So, uh, you have any kids? No kids. No kids. How do you manage that? Well, my wife and I don't have any kids because we're pro-life

1:09:33You have to decide at some point you want kids or do you want a life? I love it. We chose life I love it and you mostly spend that on poker and surfing your life, huh? Yes. What do you do for a living? I don't uh, well, I did stand up and then for 15 years. So what I did over the last 15 years I produced a documentary film about a group of sports gamblers. Oh Yeah, what's the what's the it's called low baggers And it was about it was about a group of actually uh, uh, uh in Texas in San Antonio, Texas. There's a YouTube channel called pubs force radio and they do sports betting content And it's about this these bunch of guys who met on that channel and they all come to San Antonio every year to do like a big gathering And they met and their friends and they they love each other and it was such like a cool story I decided to do a documentary about it and made a documentary about it Interesting you still married to your wife. I'm still married to my wife and you're still banging Every Sunday how long

1:10:36The community in way Oh, he's back When he hears about two straight when he hears about heterosexual sex he appears out of nowhere Amazing famous day my wife and I have a date in my bed And how do you keep things fresh on Sundays? What do you do? Do you have any special Canadian moves in the bedroom? Do you have the old maple tree or the old uh The old uh the old uh early Euthanization perhaps any of the special Canadian tricks They'll kill yourself because of the sad day The Tim Hortons again is just a suicide. That's right. I think not keeping it fresh is the secret We both know what each other likes. Oh, and we just go at it. Can I ask you? Can I ask you what that is is it like a porno? Do you so would do this? You do that you go straight to that you just go for the old dry uh right in her poutine, you know our nickname There you go

1:11:37You just go straight for it just straight missionary absolute start there. It's boring But it's exactly what we both want and we get it every Sunday and it's missionary Or is it's called Canadian doggy style? It's very exciting if you're Canadian Very excited They don't have reverse cowgirl or any of that wacky shit Little maple syrup You're right Um okay Tim anything else crazy about your life We should know before letting you go because I always find I find 60 year olds normally have like this like wow Once I had to beat the shit out of a shark when I was surfing or something like that Where do you surf by the way Toronto? Tofino Canada. It's on the west coast of Vancouver Island nice And uh we go we we moved there for surfing That's actually one of the reasons I got out of stand-up comedy because there's no comedy on the island so cold water Very cold water, but there's what suit technology Ah

1:12:38Okay works very well you stay nice and warm. Oh yeah All right all right Tim well uh congratulations fun set here's a big joke book buddy Big joke congratulations Tim Reichard everybody Thank you but welcome back All right We're moving strong and steady here We're gonna get one of our great regulars up here everybody This guy has to write and perform a brand new minute every single week Not easy A dreadful job but he makes it look easy Ladies gentlemen this is a brand new minute from the dark storm of Austin, Texas Deccret point everybody here It's dark y'all dark storm dark storm got a problem My nephew just got suspended from school for selling vapins Because you know that you've like to like they like to breathe in vanilla coke and orange soda and shit like that

1:13:40They can't they want their AI cigarettes. I like acoustic cigarettes more than the electric cigarettes But he got caught selling them and then his dad came and picked him up and he was like where are you getting the vapins from And he said don't lie to me like lie to your mama because like they separated so like she don't count He said you tell me the truth Didn't his nigga go say oh I've been getting them from Uncle Deadrick He he skippin Jimmy and then we split the profits Right and just so he go call me mad as hell. He's like Yeah, I said first of all you not mad at me you mad you raise the snitch All right you mad you raise the snitch I told you to stop giving that nigga almond milk All right, if you get that nigga whole milk, he would have been doing whole milk grind What is his well-comic through why is up way selling nachos Niggas that is not your way your way is the sum

1:14:43Who made that decision to say nigga the higher Jerry I've been eating a lot of magnesium Uh, so I could be hard Because it's like I want to be prepared for the day where dude walk but he don't honor the one star thing and he can't be Next to you, and you know as a man that's a challenge So I want to piss harder than this nigga you know I'm sad So I pay a heart is fucking the magnesium to should be splashing on me and then getting on him He got to run away because that nigga lost But I didn't realize the consequences because now I come to a heart like Like I could press watch the sidewalk You know, I'm saying from the PSI and I came in my girlfriend or I you these shot out and then they hit me in the eye And if you just miss the periods the will see Dr. Mound that was that's a plan

1:15:44It was always learned something new watching your sets is some way really selling nachos now Yeah, really yeah, and it looks like shit on the commercial. Oh my god That is I don't know how you make bad nacho like even like the nachos like when you Pour you just got like the chips and then you got like a little bit of whatever cheese and you put a jalapeno's that looks fucking great But whatever who ever saw this commercial's just trying to piss us off don't he It's all to piss us off with the fuckers. I know when your teeth stay clenched your mad. Oh, yeah, it has that ain't Duncan trust. I'm so sorry. Oh, you're great. I have to go take a shit Really I got your room at the four seasons if you want to I'm gonna go round the rooms for everyone at the four seasons I love it. I don't dress like black Israel lives. That's the lake It really art tonight you ever see them here. They're here. Yeah, it's incredible

1:16:48Yeah, there's a good one. I do when they go up there. I go free Palestine you're fucking juke pricks. Yeah That's why I say the I I'm scared Wow, I'm just shocked that subway so how long has subway been selling nachos? It's been it's been 10 days Tony since the incident. Oh my goodness It's been 10 days of war on my mind Tony. Have you tried them? Have you seen them in person or just on the commercial Tony? I got stuff to do later. I can't have no subway nachos on my stomach But what if I what if I ate them today did I just that's probably what that nigga ate And that's why he had to leave I do love ducking trust him But he's he got to do do do tussle coming on Wow Come on Darkstorn I mean don't get ahead subway nachos earlier by the way. Yeah, dark store knows all things dark store They also have subway pizza, which is even worse. No, they don't yeah, they do it's discussed. No way How are they doing? Yeah, that's one BVs of fucking pizza nachos

1:17:50Oh my when you're subway you have to do something when you're fighting. It's like Jersey, Mike's and shit like that Yeah, it's tough competition out there under cloud. I meant to say. Oh there you go our senior sandwich correspond and Brian red band Oh, yeah, he is big sense like an autistic guy. He's like Jimmy John slender cloud It's like the auctioneer there is Ha ha Deadrick always fun there he goes the dark store Well, everybody We're just gonna give him a move in a long here Well Duncan is he really shitting he might be I don't know it's pretty wild Here we are. How about a handbook lovely Heidi everybody She'll be with us in Dallas, Houston, Las Vegas and the moody center on New Year's Eve All those dates coming up fast very exciting. This is the only Killtony road dates this year. So catch one

1:18:51Your next comedian goes by the name of micro and everybody right out of the bucket. Let's see what happens Little bit about me. I am officially down a hundred pounds. So that's pretty cool It actually wasn't that difficult. I just had to change little things but every day, right? So like today I did go to McDonald's but instead of getting a double quarter pound of cheese like a normally would I ate a kids meal His parents were fucking pissed I know why they're so mad I gave him the toy right? He's a girl's toy anyway Let's get right into it Lindsey Clancy I just found out about that on Friday. I got into an argument at work and white women on tiktok are losing their fucking minds over this shit Like I've heard of late stage abortions, but the 17th trimester is a little little much, isn't it? She was like you don't understand you don't understand you don't understand what's like to be a woman with post-partum depression

1:19:56I said you're right. I don't and I really felt for I was like Why don't you explain it to me once you explain it to me like I'm five years old and she fucking strangled me Thank you guys Hi grind The great Duncan trustless back Mike that was fun Uh, you've been on this show before uh, yeah three times nice welcome back great shirt Thank you. Is that where'd you get where do you get a shirt like that? Uh, Timo Whoa, oh my god Timo yeah, there's great stuff. I got my drummer off Timo. I don't know if you know that Ha Have you just been waiting for me to make fun? I'll I'm any weeks in a row of you had that thing two weeks Oh my god, I don't know Meg did you get that with that camera? Did you get that Mike Mike do it might do it one more time

1:21:06Absolutely incredible It's almost like we coordinated that it's like I don't I'm gonna do uh Timo Have your wacky thing or Eddie. All right. Let's talk about it Mike. How's life been lately. What's going on in your world? I just opened up a comedy club nice here in Austin. Uh, no, it's in Houston, Texas. Oh, okay Crazy. We're gonna be in Houston on October 17th doing a massive giant theater sugarland, right? Yeah The financial center sugarland financial center How many seats does your club hold? 150 we actually have Pat O'Neill coming October 2nd and 3rd. Oh, it's sold out four shows. Yeah. No, he's a fucking He's amazing right now. He's at the literally the top of the industry right now It's uh nobody's doing it as uh as big as him So what's it been like how long has your club been open for? We open August 8th So we've probably been open a few weeks. It's called the pink flamingo comedy club. Oh Wow I see I get it I get it how many how many different shirts pink flamingo shirts did you get off team? Oh, I have 34

1:22:11Really and every time I go to my mom's house, there's two more waiting on me so wow She's the one buying them for you. Oh, that's adorable So the the last time I was on uh, I was wearing a shirt with a pink flamingo on it You said it looked like a tissue box or something like that. Kleenex. So when I that's what it was. Yeah, specific us be Kleenex They have wacky but the designs on their boxes. So when I was trying to think of a name I really wanted to do like a like an animal in a color and stuff and I was looking at that shirt and I was like okay It's the pink flamingo comedy club. Oh, yeah Absolutely. That's how the magic happens So uh what have you learned owning your own comedy club that maybe you could teach somebody out there that is owning a struggling comedy club right now Perhaps you could share some information. I wish I could have warned you not to do that shit dude You said it was a great idea. What do you know? I'm really didn't I got high ceilings. It was a theater. So it really is high ceilings? Well, it was a theater So it was built in 1908 as a silent movie theater and then it was uh, speak easy during prohibition

1:23:12So it has a balcony and so I mean there's high ceilings, but there's seating you know three levels. So okay All right, Mike. What's your love life like right now? You seem like the kind of guy that absolutely masturbates into a paper towel You really clocked that one. Yeah, it's insane dude Thank you. Who've you been talking to? Thank you. I've just I just talked to a lot of people On the show I learned a lot. Am I correct? You were actually use paper towels as your clean up devices now beat what a beach towel Let me guess a pink flamingo shirt If there's one laying around yet, you know Um Do you have a girlfriend you have a fuck buddy? What's going on Mike? Uh, no, I've uh, I've just been like focusing on Being successful and usually when I'm dating that's not a thing. So interesting. Yeah, interesting Well, why do you think you can't do bows? Are the women in your life kind of uh Kind of needy. Did they not want you to chase your dreams? Is this something that you've noticed from people of the opposite?

1:24:14Yeah, I was married. So yeah, that was whoa. How long were you married for like Eight months, huh eight months. Wow amazing. We should stuck it out. Yeah Uh, tell us about that. So how long were you dating before a couple years? Yeah, okay And then you got married and then what happened as soon as you got married take us through it There might be someone out there that's just about to pop the question is somebody that they don't really like that much We talked about this the first time I was on but my best man got murdered on my wedding day. So oh Wow We talked about this yeah, are can we talk about it again? Is that all right? I mean your voice cracked a little bit when you said it But I mean all right, you know here to talk about my life whatever. That's okay. Uh, so how did he get murdered again? Uh, he got shot By some like rappers He got shot. This was a true Houston wedding

1:25:18So amazing. Yeah, he actually he got shot two days before and then I went to see him at the hospital And they said he was gonna be fine So we went forward with the wedding. I got a call like two hours before Before the wedding. Yeah, it wasn't the hospital have any fucking chill whatsoever It was like a friend of mine that called to tell me um wow. Yeah Okay So that should have been a sign that the marriage wasn't gonna go that well. I mean yeah My mom had already paid the caterer. So got it That's all that matters in Houston. They have a saying once you pay the caterer the wedding must go on Actually So one of the things that helped me get through that was the show midnight gospel So thank you Episode with your with your mom. Thanks. Sorry about your friend Thank you. Wow. Sorry this asshole played a fucking air horn twice Oh

1:26:20All right Some Mike how did you know when how to give us an example of how you knew That the marriage was over you guys were married for eight months and then I'm home from work and she said I wanted divorce Wow, that's a sign. Yeah It's a very clear sign Um, did she give you a specific reason why Um Not really I was kind of like emotionally dead for the whole Marriage because of your friend the murder right your friend being murdered. She sounds awesome Yeah But afterwards is when I started doing comedy, so that's great. Did she kill the guy? If she did that would be RITT ARD Microwine Fun times, but here's another big joke book. I'm sure you already have on but there's another one

1:27:24There he goes. We're keeping it moving here Get another one out of this bucket, huh? It looks like a new name makes some noise from Trini Martinez Trini Martinez here we go My day starts when I walk into the barber shop and I notice all the barbers are wearing gloves these days Well, I think there should be gloves specifically for the blacks And it's gonna be sponsored by Magnum I also noticed that a barber shops and whorehouses are very very similar Like you go in you try to find a person with the most experience Because you need to get in and out as fast as possible Because you got a wife and two kids waiting for you at home Uh, I think I Think I know exactly what all the black guys were thinking when they went home with Domer that night I guarantee you they thought they were about to put a hundred years of slavery on that ass Like Terry Cruz did that white boy on white chicks. He's gonna need a wheelchair

1:28:27Little did they know Domer was a real eater I Also have a theory on why I think Domer went after the blacks and it started when he came to Texas Visited our local bookies where he got that foot long San Chicha on a stick picked it up and said if this was just charred Trini Martinez, let me just start by saying Trini I love your style pal I love it Not a lot of laughter, but man you are shooting your shots you are taken Wild chances out here I practice all the time with my clients you're at the barber shop. Yes, sir. Oh my goodness While I'm doing the haircuts of the left. I love it amazing. What part of San Antonio were you from? Oh Houston Houston One of my favorite parts of San Antonio Uh, you're born and raised in Houston. Yes, sir amazing. Did you do you know microion? Do you know about the pink flamingo comedy club?

1:29:34I do not but I've been trying to get into the comedy scene out there let uh Don't tell comedy or and things like that. Yeah So Trini how long have you been attempting stand-up comedy? I actually started the beginning of this year at the Moody Center I had I was wanted to sign up there and the the Asian lady links to me had got the golden ticket. Yeah That makes sense. We remember that young Young got the golden ticket with her famous Asian Trump impression Uh, that was close to you. Don't stand up since that. Uh, this is actually my first time. Wow Incredible Trini amazing Most people start and warm up before Talking about black guys barbershops, whorehouses and Jeffrey Dahmer and then back to black guys again I actually practice these jokes in a baton ruse during a barber competition I didn't get no last air bars concentrating on the event Barber competitions be like that. I've performed at many barber competitions Out on the streets wait was it a barber comedian competition

1:30:37Uh trust me everybody was taking a series and I'm the one that was trying to crack jokes for a minute practicing for this particular set Wow, wait. What is your set at home? Tango blast or something? Oh shit. No, man. Just a barber. Rob barber life all the way. Okay. Besides this you know my Hands are getting bad my eyesight's going so I need to figure out something else to do. Can't give a guy the end I'm about to look like the man is in a little uh a few years All right, when you say your hands are going bad. What exactly is going on with your hands? Authritis masturbating too much things like that you have arthritis It's getting there starting to hurt Carp in the clippers. Yeah, yeah, have you ever tried getting some eucalyptus and Perhaps rubbing it into your hands have you tried this muscle rub muscle rub that's about it muscle rub. Yeah, and then uh hi your mom Everything everything you've tried it all try but the arthritis is kicking in how old are you exactly? Uh, I'm 31 31 years old full blown arthritis losing his eyesight This is absolutely incredible. Why do you think your body is failing you training Martinez? We the world wants to know

1:31:42The maybe you've been eating the nachos from subway my friend I'm gonna go from a DQ DQ. Oh Dairy Queen. Let's check in with our senior Dairy Queen correspondent Kurt meds. Okay. Oh thank you mr. Tony I'm gonna tell you your affliction happens to tattoo people a lot Right and uh jewelers people guy make the little uh I would just be apprentice to a jeweler and he was all fucked up at 31. What are the arthritis? Because you gotta sit there you cutting them edgers exactly the way they like it right. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah I got plenty of them tell us about the you know the edgers Yes, of course. It's that mexican haircut where they look like mo from the three fucking Yeah, let's call it edger. Yeah I tried to convince I was single one of them to change how long you've been cutting hair for training Martinez I got licensed 2018 2018 so it's been a long time long time in Houston a lot of Latinos By the look see your tattoos. I'm guessing you have some black clients as well. Am I correct? Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah And I practice these jokes with them and whenever they make I they laugh. I'm like all right. I'm good

1:32:45Right absolutely. That's how you know that's how you know it's good Is when they laugh in the barber chair to the man that has scissors next to their head With the incomplete haircut, you know absolutely you better laugh man Absolutely so training let me ask you this anything dangerous ever happened in your barber shop I watch a lot of these videos my entire twitter feed some people ask me Tony what is your algorithm My algorithm is fucking people getting in fights people getting shot and oh find I find that a lot of these things happen in a barber shop I actually watch one video the other day where a guy The barber lifted up the black guy's hairline a little too far back and literally If you seen this you see all the barber shop videos right if you see you've seen all the movies barber shop one two three four five seven Are you sipping on the scissors? I've seen the first one at least I haven't seen the other you got to see the sequels They're the absolute worst but uh one crazy thing There's a crackhead that comes in our shop and you know try to earn a little money And we were doing that one you let him sweep up the hair

1:33:46We let it do for a little bit, but then he started like taking advantage of the money We could we was kind of you know blessing them a little bit right and uh he started getting on drugs real hard He started shadow boxing and wrapping for like six hours straight out and walking on he was on crystal math But he thought it was vape juice for my correct I know this guy he was laughing so earlier Matthew Jordan at least this crew loves a good callback over here Like they go crazy if you mentioned something that happened an hour and a half ago Duncan Trustle speaking of callbacks Tony is putting up people who came in from San inter He has a house and you said he looks two and a half hours away you were taking a shit Long drop you were taking a shit so you missed it doesn't matter do you do though tell for him Tony's gonna get you a week at the forces that is That is not true well done. I'll carry all your luggage to your room bro I like the way you think I like the way you think Okay, so Trinney is there a lovely lady out there how many kids do you have your Martinez? What is it seven eight nine?

1:34:49I mean we we attempted to miscarriages, but you know we Oh my god Oh Monster was there something perhaps and I know this is a crazy question I'm gonna take heat for this I already see the ladies given me a look like What's he about to ask but let me ask you this two miscarriages is one more than one um Is there something that she's doing in particular is she perhaps you know ice skating or anything like that is she We have stairs at our apartment is now Ah okay Trinney saved that one to the Louisiana Barber competition Um Two miscarriages incredible are you still trying are you trying for a third miscarriage? To be honest right now You're a train oh That's gonna be clipped for sure

1:35:49You're still trying your cream pieger. Yeah, we're putting a little We're trying to orchard and that chalupa am I correct trying to orchard that yeah, absolutely Uh, when you go to bucky's what exactly do you get Trinney Martinez because I'm a big bucky's guy big time I get either the chicken sandwich or the breakfast biscuit with the bacon egg and cheese Oh you order like a white guy. I'm actually disappointed That you were gonna get a little wackier than that. I mean I like chicken sandwich. That's it the cup of fruit to Cup of fruit he went wider Him a wider I get a little bit of a metamusel and a couple tylinol so I'm out the door of town What the fuck I'm half white. I'm half white your half white. Yeah. Oh my god. It does not show it all dude. Are you sure? Oh He lifts up his

1:36:49Is to show Mexican Asian eyes over here You don't believe I'm have white dude look at these fucking things. What now dude look how I'm white. I am Look at these dark Asian eyes Somebody tell you you have white eyes. It's somebody lie to you at some point in your life I tell you you have white eyes all the time. Oh my god Absolutely incredible trini martina's you're a fun interview I love that you chose here for your first set even though I normally don't like it when people do that The punchlines aren't really there. Yeah, but man you have balls dude. You have balls. I like your uh I like the risks that you take trini martina's here's a medium sized joke book Sign up again come back some other time. There he goes trini martina's everybody the killtony debut of trini martinas Ah, you know I'm about to do something really crazy everybody you guys like unbelievably awesome shit

1:37:55You know sometimes there's a golden ticket winner slash regular that uh that you don't see for a while You know i'm an old progress link fan. I want to my favorite pro wrestler. See exists right here famously put me through a table killtony mania in Las Vegas the undertaker I think what the undertaker one of the greatest pro wrestlers of all time is that he wasn't always a full-time roster guy You know, he wasn't on Monday night raw every week You'd save him for like paper views and there'd be a big build up you wouldn't see him for a while And he would come out absolutely nowhere I like to think this next comedian is our version of that Sometimes he's gone comes back. He is an icon an absolute freak of nature You guys are about to go nuts as I bring to the stage for the first time in quite a while In fact, I think since killtony mania. This is the long-awaited return of the one and only Timmy no break

1:38:59Oh Oh, thank you Wow Wow I'm gonna fuck your girl um Okay, relax bitch um Look, I don't know if you guys all know these episodes are on a delay Okay, like this episode is gonna be coming out in a week. So I'm doing topical jokes based on what I assume will happen Oh God damn This is crazy. Do you guys see how Obama's dick pic got leaked? Yeah Michelle Obama She's on the horse cock that bitches the horse Uh September 11th what uh I Yesterday it was Ro Shoshana Jewish New Year where my Jews at

1:40:01Get the fuck Less of a prediction more of a feeling um Look, uh, it's been a rough week for killton you guys are probably seeing the news um Um That trick is back in jail um, I know I know he gave me a statement to read What do you know about getting arrested in Taiwan because your friend put it cutting your retainer case Yeah, if that's what he says gonna fucking kill me um Um A while ago Uncle laser got his dick sucked on a podcast by a 16-year-old girl that looked 16 with Down syndrome and um Apparently, uh, she didn't just look like it. I'm being holy fuck. He's a pedophile. He's an uncle. He's in jail one more

1:41:02Um, Ma'an Phillips also in jail um He held a baby so Oh Now we're having fun. I uh I gotta get serious for a second um I know if you you guys probably heard but uh, we lost someone really imp Important in the killton family and um I uh I just want to pay some respects to him. So Play the video What are you fucking doing? I'm trying to pay you my respect here it comes All right here give it up for my special needs son in the fucking sound booth right now All right guys

1:42:02Wow, all right here we go Oh Right being it's pretty much He's a shabby fucking idiot Fucking idiot so retarded fucking pieces shit Bump big pieces shit pieces shit and pervert piece of fucking show I don't ask Oh Absolutely amazing

1:43:03Hey red beans I did how did uh red bean die Uh natural causes um I mean looking like that I really wish I didn't put that tier stick in my eye uh Rebin you have to go for this to make sense you gotta get the fuck out of here That doesn't make sense this happens next week They they they just they fucking shit Shit the fuck off That took me that took me fucking a lot too much It would be Insane if red band accidentally dies this week. I know you're like right and then this happens See it cuz I edit the videos Yeah, oh we would never find a new editor without your amazing editing or cred ban Oh my god camera one camera two camera three camera one

1:44:04Yeah Hammer three camera one How would we ever go along You know, I kind of hope he does die this week Me too That's gonna be in your actual in memoriam video one day Um Timmy amazing work you are on fire my friend you look fantastic Let me tell you red band actually not only is he not dying But I've been noticing his beard gets darker every week I don't know what's my god It says just for men you wouldn't know anything about this wink Oh, I got it I've been using I've been using just for boys just for men It looks so natural no one can tell Timmy what's going on in life? What's it like being one of the top rock stars in all of uh the universe? Pretty good, you know just uh Fuck just fucking and stuff and uh, yep. How you guys doing? That's exactly what I thought what is what do you what do you guys wearing? It's got something cooking over here. Uh, I know this is a night of a lot of callbacks. Oh, yeah

1:45:07But I have to go take a shit wow Be sure to check out the mystery boys podcast where they alternate taking shit song spotify in YouTube Timmy you're an absolute sensation. I mean that's that what what's the shit callback? Yeah, forget about this shit earlier. Oh, you did that's funny. They did that. That's really funny They just took a shit as a callback. That's funny. Thanks. Yeah. No, you're funny. I like it You you've white Mexican. I don't know What do you mean nothing you're wearing a poncho? It's a poncho Duncan'll be in Dallas on September 18th four words September 19th in Detroit October 23rd 24th and 25th a little fun fact Oh my god, I'll be there. Yeah Timmy everything else is good in life. You're absolutely dominating you've been fucking and everything what else? Yeah, just fuck

1:46:08Um, was I supposed to prepare stuff? No, you're good. Oh, this is the part where you went would it provide just something that I send you out of it? All right, let's improvise We a suggestion I just gave you one you could talk about anything that you've been doing in life um I yeah, what's that? You're special you fucking retard. What are you saying? Yeah, I mean um, I had a good roast shashana, you know, I'm a this is a good time to tell you guys. I'm Jewish and I'm sorry um I'm uh, I could tell the future now. I got a uh, neural link. So, you know Flip it so yeah tell the future about people these guys have cancer Um Um, also it's a shit uh I uh Hillary Duffenaya going pretty steady right now. Whoa You know, she's uh god that bitch is such a fucking whore and um

1:47:10I love you margo robby has been stalking me. Wow. That's been crazy. Yeah. Hey margo If you're watching this do not come to two eight two two east Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard, Austin, Texas. Don't do it bitch You're the absolute man. We love you. Along a way to return in a unbelievable set from the great Timmy no breaks everybody. How good night. Thank you. Thank you In a shocking turn of events a bucket pool has to follow the legendary Timmy no breaks So let's see what happens. I bring to the stage Jules Holy everybody here comes Jules Holy Oh So my mother's a whore So that means I got a step brother and the day we met he wanted to play me in the game We won on one basketball and I obliged I knew I needed to start my dominant

1:48:11So I immediately threw the ball off his face and scored Of course I won And I guess you could say whenever you compare me in that fill. I'm even winning in life Because about 10 years ago he became paralyzed So now whenever I see him I get to throw a different set of balls on his face It's a shame he'd have made one hill of a boxer because y'all to see that some bitch for open-doping nuts sack just My therapist told me it's because I suffer from a certain PTSD called repetitive compulsion Says it stems from whenever I was a child taking showers with my dad and he'd repetitively smack me in the face with his tally wacker He Ain't the only family member I took showers with also had to get a few of my grandma She'd at least hop in with her fruit of allumes on but when them things got wet it just blur everything out Now I'm starting to think that's where my fascination with Japanese porn comes from Hell yeah Jules Holy welcome. I like your style you from Texas porn and raise yes sir absolutely what part

1:49:19Go on barrel city wow you are you from there? Do you know each other seems like a city small enough where you would have to know each other You'd love it there ain't no black people out there wait wait a second Hold on a second. Let me put my butt plug where it deserves to be. I'm so excited right now Um When you say there ain't no black people is that a double negative because if so I'm taking the toll road Are there really no black people there? I used to work at a sprint store out there And four black guys walked in and I looked at my boss and I said I think we're about to get robbed is that racist She goes yeah, that's racist. So I took my lunch break about five minutes later. Sure enough, it got robbed That extra store it that's definitely a true story Of all the things that we've heard in the interviews tonight I would guarantee that that's true. We're then almost anything

1:50:22Wow Duncan trussle you know I love your voice and what's incredible is you sound exactly like someone From gun barrel city like it's it's amazing like you should do voice over work You should well, you know what's amazing that Duncan's doing tonight is he's casting the next season of midnight gospel here A tonight on tonight show I'm giving away four seasons hotel rooms and Duncan is actually giving one lucky person A voice over job and this is such a special moment It's bigger than anything that we can possibly award somebody is a guest spot on midnight gospel you misunderstood me I said I needed a narrator for the incest porn. I'm sure oh And you are hired friend you are hired Shul, do you still live in gun barrel? No sir. Where do you live now Austin? Yes, sir? How long have you lived here about five months? By the way, you don't have to call me sir. Just call me mr. Tony Okay, so it's been five months and you're this is a big city to you. I'm sure that am I correct?

1:51:27Yes, sir But what have you learned about living in Austin that you don't like or that you love or that you that you don't like? Well, you I'll let you pick It's got to be some stuff that annoys you and they just don't say the blocks go ahead All the liberal women complaining about not getting abortions in Texas. Oh I love it Where are you finding these women? Anywhere H.E.B I Amazing Amazing. I wish they just knew they could hang out with Lucy Glancy. She loves killing kids. That's right. That is right Uh, her meds curt. You ever try a little bit of dollar store gooning What do you mean by that curt? I don't want to say I go ahead got you brought it up red bad nose But why don't you describe it? You mean a supreme gentleman such as this gentleman will go to the dollar store

1:52:27And I'll follow a lady around and uh, goon We're that what are you gonna do? It's the dollar store and they're easy to do So there's no dollar store at Gumberal City. You know that right? Is that a real city? I sounds like an area from they got a dollar general marketplace There you go Get to goonage Can you tell the audience there might be a few uh Syrian immigrants out in the crowd that might not know what gooning is Oh, that's uh Would you do a hand-flogging of your uh, can you describe what flogging is for the immigrants in the crowd perhaps? No, I can't All right, Chul, uh, what do you do for work? Deliveries just anything that needs to be delivered. I love it. Can you build things? You seem like the kind of guy that could build cabinets or something like that I can do a little bit of everything, but not good at everything. Right. Okay Makes sense. I love the honesty. I love it everybody else comes up here

1:53:28They try to seem like they're good at everything barber with bad hands and whatnot Not you not you a master of none. What kind of pickup truck do you have? Well 150 or 250 F 150 or F 250 150 150 I fucking knew it I fucking knew it You know a lot of people think I'm just a fucking you know Ohio, California boy the bottom bell buckle But I consider myself as Texas as it gets and I can look at a man from Gun Barrel City and tell the you're a 150 guy Now you were built for a 250 But we're not we're not quite there yet. You know what I mean? Trying to get on up to 350 whoa Whoa You used to be able to get a good 350 around here and then ozempi came around and bumped them all down to 150s Now they're all 150s with extra skin hanging off their ass. Yep Yeah is decaying up the white girls. Yep All the 350s are 150s now. It's absolutely incredible. They both zempicked the pickup trucks

1:54:28Jewel uh, let's get back to race here. What is your least favorite race of them all? Guadamalans. Oh good pick now. What is it about the wacky Guadamalans that you dislike the most that is specific This is the part of the show in which they swim too well Oh Shit, chug the gooner on stage Amazing jewel What's another fun fact about jewel toly before I get yada here There's something you do because you seem like a real country But what do you think some most crazy country middle of nowhere thing about you? Is there something you do you ever jerk off the stick of butter in your hand or something like that? It No, but in an army they teach you to jack off to stay awake Really I didn't serve I didn't know this I seem like the opposite by the way. No, no, no, this is interesting. Tell us you for your service. Oh,

1:55:28First of all, jewel tell us more about this guys. Let's let them talk for a second. Hold on. Let me see what he's talking It gets the blood flowing so it'll keep you awake Okay, tell mother that's the wrong head It turns out red band is a seal team six member. I didn't know this That's really incredible. I had no idea I know any red band is getting the red band Red band's gonna die with two purple hearts the one in his chest And the one that he's awarded for his masturbating Yeah, my hope I die this week It would be epic. It really would be I can get you a purple heart by the way. I know a couple people. Okay Uh, Duncan trust can you act out the moment in the military When your sergeant told you to jerk off to stay awake You're in a shot Keep it going keep it going

1:56:30What the fuck was he talking about? That's a pretty good act out. That's very good jewel Um, okay, so you're gonna get tired out there. Did you ever serve overseas? No, sir. Where did you serve? What did you do? You just uh base? I was just in the reserves so We can't worry. They never shit. They never called you up for anything. They didn't want me They whenever I tried to go they told me that I didn't even end up in the unit because I never showed up to work Wow, well you just learned the jerk off thing nothing else. Yeah, I have a question just in the reserves Why would you just stay up like that to the point of gooting? Ha All right Here's as though someone learned about gooning while taking their shit in the bathroom everybody You know it. Are you sure you're not talking about the boys cats? I wouldn't ever touch so probably not I'm sorry man All right jewel Seems as though he's having flashbacks to a war. He wasn't even in right now um

1:57:31jewel uh How long have you been on stand up? About three years three years and most of it in gun barrel. Well close There's there's Tyler which is about an hour away. Uh-huh, so Oh there God damn incredible and now you live here. You know what jewel? I just like you I'm only giving you a big joke book because I like you let the record show That's it. It's that easy. I just have to like you I like an F-150 kind of guy. You know what I mean? That's just how I identify is an F-150 guy I have a two-seat like Ladies and gentlemen your final bucket pull of the night. It's an interesting name. Let's see what happens Make some noise for Q Rose everybody start final bucket pull How good on kill Tony how we doing people All right, all right, I've been dealing with uh trying to date lately, you know what I'm saying But I'm trying to get my money up. These girls don't want you to have a little bit of money

1:58:35They want you to make solid amount of money How the girl called me a broken nigga. We had the same job. I'm like bitch You can't take me out either what the fuck? Ah, man. He's with me the different nowadays. You know, I'm saying he's new women are different They throw on me off man. I'm confused man. You know, I'm saying you speak easy wanted data You know man or woman now they want everybody You know saying I try to talk this one girl. She told me she was a pansexual Like whatever bitch. I fuck you on the stove I got pots pans for spoons Bitch this dick is non stick all right Thank you Heroes welcome q Rose this your first time on the show. Uh, no, I was on the show like two years ago Okay, but I didn't know what the show was it was my first I was here by South by Southwest

1:59:39Okay, and uh some of my comedian friends was like sign up just everywhere and I got called and I didn't even know what the show Really was about but what did you do? What did I do? I mean I came in here I did my minute and then I tried to leave I'm like right cuz I was like I don't I know you didn't know what was happening yeah, yeah, but since then what you just fell in love with that what happened? Well since we were since then I didn't know the show like got millions of views and things like that And it was so big is what it was and like I just started getting into it and I've been coming every week since for like two years now So wow, so you just got pulled tonight for the first time in two years. Yeah, so amazing. I'm sorry to recognize you your Your hair was much shorter last time you were on I do believe Um, so q rose let's catch up Uh-huh, what oh you like that your hair was shorter you like that red band you like that one because this hair is long They must have been shorter Q rose what do you do for work? Oh, what does it what does it what exactly does your broke ass do for work?

2:00:42I may she compares you all these niggas is broke but uh What how do you make money you go in a spring store and gun barrel Texas doing a little uh I'm not familiar with the joke, but they laughing so fuck you uh. Ah, you're right. That is correct. I imply that you rob places Just to let you know. I know I'm not one to stray away shut up snitch. Oh Oh A lot of people don't know this mean q rose go back a long way. We used to rob places together Okay, no, what do you do for a living kill? Oh, I'm a Shit, I'm a veteran and uh, um, I'm Air Force veteran and also All right, thank you for your taxes my niggas. I appreciate y'all. I love it. What did you do in the Air Force exactly? Air Force uh, by just I was like uh The pods were like Batman. I was like Alfred like I just kind of like helped them

2:01:42with they shit like Packing parachute night vision goggles. What you need niggas? I mean Got you. I love it packing the bags. Yeah, whatever they need man, or don't pilot Personally did they ever tell you to jerk off when you were getting sleepy? I Don't know what they did in the army, bro. I have Because me personally when I when I jack off I go straight to sleep. I don't know what that nigga talking about What red band does that's what red band does Can I just uh first of all thank you for your service sir, and can I just say I'm just gonna say I don't think that guy was really in the army I'm not he was in the reserves and they never called him up. Oh, okay, you are correct But it was how to stay up we established that yeah All he learned how to do is jerk off in the military I'm gonna take this straight up if you got any t-shirt to say bitch this dick is non-stick. I will buy them It's all like it's just merch coming soon. Kuro's comedy following me. That is a good point

2:02:47So Kuro's you've been doing comedy other places, right? Absolutely. Wait, I never got an answer. What are you doing for work now? Um, I uh, I have a I have a like I do like a pierced face of basically like a event center and I have a Airbnb so What didn't you and you but what you sell candy bars? I mean I don't understand. What are you doing? Oh? Oh, oh you rent out your air band. Yeah, I'll rent it out. Yeah, I'll rent it out and I have like a basketball court And they come and they play basketball type of shit Yeah, it's uh wait you rent it out and they play basketball. I have a basketball court inside outdoor You know just you know use that Benefits to set me up for life is it always a one-hooper is there two there's two hoops holy shit Kurt Metzger. That's like the Olympic pool of black people. Yeah. Yeah, it really is Yeah, yeah, I get a lot of black people there. Yeah more like a scare be in B. Am I right? Okay

2:03:47So where is this Airbnb located? It's in Dallas. It's in Dallas. I'm from Dallas. I started comedy in Philadelphia and uh Near Mockingbird Lane Mockingbird Lane Mockingbird Lane. No, I'm Martin Luther King Drive What is it near where's it near can you give me a uh? Can you give me a it's not near the Gabriel head you're fine. Whoa Sit in one barn Okay, Kuro's how about your love life. How's that going right now? I was talking earlier about how all the thick white pitches have lost the weight from the ozemic Ruining and for a lot of people that are in the plumber ladies. Um, I mean shit. I mean I like I like all type of bitches man Okay, what's your number one ranked bitch right now Shit, this was like college football and you had to give a real number one. We're gonna go one through five. Oh, shit, man Put me on the mother you say what?

2:04:49No one knows literally nobody He doesn't even know my number one. What what the fuck is on you guys head bro? What the fuck you guys were Now stick with me here stick with me number one favorite bitch Now let me let me just give you a little uh little inside scoop here You are in front of a lot of white bitches right? I mean I mean shit. I used to fuck white women in here for something. That's all we had Okay Okay, you fuck you bitch Stick with us, you know, I'm gonna stick with you. I was about to find out. Okay, so it's all right So Kira's let me ask you this because it seems like you would fuck just about any type of lady Yeah, long as as long as she was um I don't want to be controversial now go ahead. Please be controversial. We love that. We love controversy here I would prefer her been born a lady is that all right. Oh, oh That's not controversial at all. That is kind of um, a phobic though You see you see if I can be cancelled. Fuck this guy

2:05:51Uh Have you ever been with a lady that was born a man? No Would you like to be All right, oh no dog shit. I few rose um, fuck though. Why would you ask me that you don't? What's the biggest lady you've ever been with if you had to guess the weight of the biggest lady you've ever been with? I just talked to this one girl that was uh Black girl's 260 oh shit Yeah, two six. Let me ask you this to choose the at the jaws little bowl of constrictor Wow, let me ask you this would she buy you things and cook for you and stuff I've noticed that the heavier ladies like to buy things for the men um from my own research But I'm a gay guy, so what do I know about that? I mean, I mean, she's she used to cook. She's the cook real well I mean, I don't think I played my cards. It's not like I didn't get a fat bitch with money

2:06:52So I didn't play my cards, right? Right, but yeah, she used to cook, you know, I'm saying and uh I eventually got her to lose weight. So she how did you get her to lose the weight? Did you have her playing basketball on your basketball court? Actually, yes, really wow That is amazing. Yeah, you get out there. She burns some calories. You know, I'm saying You know, she Will use a shoot some hoops and then I use the fuck this shit out of her Wow Thank you for your service, so That is incredible. Well, Kee Rose. Thank you so much such a fun such a fun set Man, I am not writing shout out to Dallas Uh DF yet triple D triple and give me some brother y'all say yeah Triple D uh, they said I Dallas um big I'm big ups on roast battles. So shout out roast battle league um Is there anything else perhaps some cousins or something you'd like to have?

2:07:56Shout out Ray Ray little pookie uh oh shit Oh Go pookie was up in Pookie would not like you knew Kee Rose this is for you my friend it matches you there. He goes Kee Rose everybody We're having fun here tonight. Thank you Kee Rose Very fun. Look how it starts a friend darsam design up for a show. We had no idea He gets addicted he got a taste of that sweet sweet uh Crystal vape juice if you will and now he's been signing up every week since didn't even know there was an interview Part of the show the first time he signed up. It's amazing what happens here. The fuck did he mean pookie wouldn't like me Well, I don't think pookies quite the conspiracy theorist you get one shot with pookie if you blow it that's it dude Carfield that's right Okay, guys, it is that time ladies and gentlemen. There's only one way to end a show like this

2:08:58I call him the anomaly the real deal ladies and gentlemen makes some noise this is patoniel everybody Last week my doctor told me how sometimes a rectile dysfunction can be the result of depression I was like no dude. I'm sad because my dick doesn't work Not the other way around Stop talking about feelings like a chick and fix my fucking penis, please Pete take Suicide it's a big issue in today's homeless communities Not big enough, but we will get there one day Homeless people they're always screaming by the time I'm done with them

2:10:05Anytime I see one of them with a dog I think hey well can't be that hungry so glass half full Oh Tell them god damn I have heard on this show probably 10 20 homeless dog jokes and no one cracked that code somehow that is Absolutely amazing patoniel you have truly done it again even when a premise is Covered no one finds the fucking finish line quite like you you are absolutely hysterical. Thank you, sir Guys this your first time seeing the real deal patoniel. Yeah, you're amazing. That's great. Take it Duncan fucking great Any looks like the bad guy from Ghostbusters 2 kindness. That's cool. That is true. I like that about him That is true I love you. We go see a Jeff Gold bloom third act of the fly

2:11:11That one too that is I can see that too at least these guys have these guys have new takes everyone else just as he looks like Rick and Morton This is amazing like both of them. Yeah, yeah, it works every time too. It's amazing. No, that last joke is great Dude that's such an offensive joke I had to laugh at so I really appreciate that thank you. Thank you. You are so funny Thank you, Doug. It is crazy and We just love having you here and you found this format and it just works so well for you You're just a fucking machine. We love you so much. Hey, don't I want to come on this chest look at that fucking shirt Wow That is The Heidi shirt. It's me feel better about doing it to myself It is an amazing shirt available in killmerch.com Pat will be with us in Dallas, Houston, Las Vegas and The Moody Center on New Year's Eve. We're gonna have a lot of fun. How about one more time for the anomaly the real deal

2:12:15Pat will kneel everybody How much funded we have tonight, huh guys Check out the mystery boys. How about one more time for my amazing guests Duncan Trustling Kurt Mezker You free Free entry tape Be sure to catch Duncan in Dallas September 18th Fort Worth September 19th and Deach Shroyd October 23rd 24th and 25th watch the mystery boys on YouTube Or listen on Spotify if you're work and can't make it to YouTube or whatever Any order will be in Dallas September 26th, Houston, October 17th, Las Vegas, November 13th and 14th and a New Year's Eve here in In beautiful Austin, Texas for the fourth year in a row doing an arena in our hometown. It's absolutely unheard of It's so much fun Red band check out the sunset strip at x.com secret show every Thursday. I love you guys We love you guys. God bless this audience so much fun tonight and God bless the United States of America. Thank you everybody. Bye-bye

2:13:58Yeah Oh