Pete responds to his viral moment

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Paid for by the Coalition to Empower Our Future.

Guys, this episode will contain swearing if you don't like it, go fuck yourself.

If you're wondering why we're talking about this,

this sounds been all over the rest,

but he is feeling better.

Just a little bit delicate.

This is Monday's main episode.

So you'll be able to watch this on Josh and Kira's YouTube channel from 5PM on Wednesday,

and then there'll be a bonus episode which comes out Thursday,

which will be able to watch on Josh and Kira's YouTube channel from 5PM on Monday.

Make sure you rate reviewed all of that sort of shit.

We are very, very happy to have you back, mate.

It's good to be back. I've really missed it.

I've really missed you.

Well, you're just in time, but do this just with your mouth, lip sync it.

You can catch us on A.

Monday.

Wednesday. Thursday. Sunday.

Brilliant. Brilliant. Lovely.

Lovely stuff there, mate.

You look fresh, you look well, you've got a new outfit,

you've got a new stylist, you're wearing your slippers,

you've got an incredibly tight jumper on, your hair looks great,

vocal rest has done you good.

You should do it more often, mate.

I was sat at home and I was thinking,

I've got to do something for myself, so I just went and bought clothes.

And I just went, you know what, I'm going to come in

and I'm just going to make Pete proud.

So I'm going to wear it.

The first thing I said this morning,

he came running in for a hug and I stopped him when you looked great.

He did. He literally did.

Up and down I went,

fucking hell mate, you've made an effort.

You don't thank you.

You look great.

We are glad to have you back.

Obviously, I know it's very painful, Sam is doing this.

He's such a soldier because he's in pain.

He's had major surgery.

Well, they sort of tickled his vocal cords in there.

No, they put you to fucking sleep.

It's something I've wanted to do for a long time.

But he is back, he's struggling, he's, you know,

some people take a lot of time off,

but Sam couldn't wait to be back here.

So whisper it to us sweetly.

How are you feeling?

I'm afraid, I feel fucking great.

Do you know the worst thing about this is,

I sound so depressed and I sound like I'm about to cry.

No, no, no, what you sound like is a normal man.

Is this normal?

I actually don't think, aren't we going to be honest with you?

He says he went in for vocal surgery.

I think they just finally removed the bollocks from his nut.

I think they finally dropped.

Your voice is deeper, you sounds more dull, sit.

I feel like what you've done is you've watched

the Nigella Lawson clips and gone, I want that.

And then paid a doctor to give it to you.

I have a nudge.

So maybe we should redo the fucking Nigella with your new voice.

Hey, do you know what?

I will say this though.

I feel like when I want to say like a bundle of ADHD words

that comes to my mouth and I want to get reenergized,

I can't do it.

So I feel like I want ADHD meds.

I feel like I've got to take things really slow.

I just want to point out for anyone listening

as an ADHD ambassador.

Sam is not promoting vocal surgery.

No, I was dead of meds as a way of looking off

of the way of helping you with your ADHD.

I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what did fucking happen.

I won't cut up after, because they knock you out

when you do.

I know you've been put asleep for a while.

And again, anesthetic,

you didn't go to a backstreet doctor who chinned him.

Hey, I've never had it before.

I was so fucking nervous.

Like I know it's like not the biggest stop.

Like they just shove a scalped down your throat

and cut someone out.

But like I was sat there and I was like shivering

and the lady was like, Sam, are you okay?

And I was like, yeah, no, I've just never done this before.

I think you'll be absolutely fine.

Don't worry, like it's your first time.

Everyone gets bit nervous.

Well, you haven't sex with her.

Hey, do you want them first?

Because she knew who I was,

which already you're in a bit of a vulnerable position

when you're in that stage.

You're like, okay, you're fine.

And you have to, you're not just asked,

sorry, when you're in this vulnerable position,

you were in the gown with your arsehole hanging out.

Nate, I've got the gown on,

and I've got these little briefs.

You know those little massage briefs you wear?

Did you have the thermal socks, the socks up to the knee?

Yeah, the socks up to the knee.

I had the little, the little spanks that you have to wear.

The little, like a, and a woke up in the recovery room

with my cock out.

You got your own cock out.

What would happen is the spanks and the, not the spanks,

but like the little wire fronts that you wear had rolled up.

Right.

When I sort of like slid down a little bit

on the, on the, on like the recovery thing,

I've woken up my gowns open.

My things rolled up my, so I've got like two bollocks

and half a penis, just like hanging out,

and I felt so sorry for the nurse,

because she literally came in, she said,

how are you and of it, if you've like woken up

from being zonked out, you're obviously in a bit

with weird positions.

So I was like, yeah, a lot of all good.

And I was inviting the surgeon to a Chelsea game

with your cock.

With my cock hanging out.

And I was itching out.

I was like, yeah, like I'd love you to come to a Chelsea game.

Got my fucking cock hanging out.

It was the whole thing was so embarrassing.

No one else, like no one else this would happen to.

It's only you.

Well, look, you had the surgery, it all went well.

And you know, we're not going to go into it.

I just want to point out as well.

I know a lot of people worried having seen

some stories and that with the gown and everything else.

Did you like it?

Did I like it?

I fucking, I nearly mutated you again.

But it was a minor surgery.

It is a tough recovery because it's on a vocal cause

but there's nothing wrong with him.

Yeah, you know, it was fine.

Pete, Pete, I was thinking my head,

but I did like the mirror selfie

with the fucking hostel gallery.

Yeah, yeah.

And I was like, I was like a obligatory hostel photo.

And I was just waiting.

I didn't get it actually, but I was waiting

for the message from people and like, you fucking loser.

But what you did do in the recovery,

because the recovery period, you had three days vocal rest.

That was hell on me.

You had to write some notes.

I know you wrote to your sister asking for a key.

You didn't know what to do.

A few silent face times to the team, which is nice,

where you just sort of, you know,

bought the camera really close to your face

for no reason.

Because you weren't really saying that you would do.

Yeah.

It was really involved.

Didn't really know what to do.

Did you get sort of messages from listeners?

I did.

I've got lots of people messages.

Yeah, well that's why you put up the hospital gown.

Well, you want to leave people wondering, don't you?

Yeah.

I mean, is that what you want when you're in hospital,

when you're cock out asking your sister

to do a Chelsea game?

You also want lots of attention from the millions

of people that follow you.

Lots of people saying, Sam, I hope you get better, I'm sure.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do you know what?

Did anyone say, I hope you die?

Do you want that with people you went?

Pete's got a fucking rude you.

When you get back to the pod, I was kind of joking

with like the photos.

But even the way you just said that, they're kind of joking,

but kind of lightly attention.

But also, you came into the office to whisper for a day,

which was nice.

Not distracting to over the team,

but the sounds of it, everyone was just kind of what?

No, papers are fucking bitch.

I'm going to put it out.

Oh, it's nice that you've got your voice back.

Yeah.

Slide over there.

I walked in.

I did go a little bit louder there, didn't I?

No, it's just like, I walked in.

I just can't really say shit.

Papers are bitch.

Jewish, she comes in, I can't really love it.

She had this fucking surgery.

And she goes, speak up, mate, can't hear you.

Well, look, I don't want to say you deserve that,

but you did.

Because what you then decided to do, having had a few days,

and I gave you some time, you know, people was,

you can't speak, what you want me to do.

I haven't got one message in my life.

I haven't got time.

Well, because I knew you were fine,

because you were all over your Instagram, mate.

It's not like I was god, did he make it through the surgery?

The minute you opened up, you still didn't put your cock away

and you're like, I'm crying, I'm crying, I'm crying.

Do you know what I mean?

I knew you were fucking fine.

It was absolutely fun.

All I could do, I was just looking at your Instagram,

all you were doing was eating seafood, you ****.

I thought, he can't be that fucking bad, can he?

There's nothing wrong with him.

He's having another fish supper.

So anyway, if you ever want to know SM,

he's just looking at Instagram,

because you'll put it all up there.

You know what I mean?

I didn't need the fucking phone call.

And what am I going to say to you anyway?

You can't fucking speak.

Just sit on a heavy breeze down the phone to me.

I'm good, thank you.

But then when he did get his voice back,

what he decided to do was call me out.

Oh yeah, call me out on Instagram.

So what I will say is I'm very different to Sam.

So you see when he puts up the hospital gown photos

and he loves the messages from you,

not Sam, I hope you feel better.

I did.

I really appreciate it.

When you say, can you contact Pete?

Don't.

Thousands.

Thousands.

Thousands.

And thousands of notifications and people.

Well, don't you take your mate for dinner?

He's not being well.

He's not being well.

You should really see him.

I then went to the football got a picture.

You're an asshole.

Why didn't you go?

He's not having a go at me because I chose to go,

because he didn't invite me for fucking roast with him

and he's birds.

Do you want to explain yourself, Pete?

It's really so basically, I'm actually Pete,

because I really, do you know what?

I'm being deadly serious, by the way.

I just like to point out as well.

I know he's been gone for a while.

I had, it's only been five days since I've seen him.

He hadn't been long.

He hadn't been long.

I guess it's five fucking days.

And I don't know what it is.

What do you know what it is?

I really missed you and I'm not even like as a joke.

I didn't speak for three days.

And I know that's not the biggest deal in the world,

but like, you reckon.

It really gives you some really introspective time,

especially with me, Mix.

I never sit alone with my thoughts like ever.

And I really missed Pete.

And I was just like, you know what?

I'm going to just message him,

see if he wants to go for a roast.

I'll probably, I know, he probably won't.

We'll see what you fucking wants.

And I sent Pete like a bit of a softy message.

I've been like, really proud of you mate.

And Pete replied to me, he goes,

are you a high on drugs?

It was like, I've been on too many pain killers.

You think to me, he went, no, I'm not coming for fucking thing.

I'll see you next week.

And he was like, anyway, and then after the Instagram story

when I went, you're a fucking, you're such a prick.

He literally went, no, I'm not fucking coming.

I'm going to the football and you ruin my day.

But this is the thing, listen, I know, like,

and listen, we are very, very different.

And the way we handle things, vocal rest for you,

genuinely, without taking a piss, would be hell.

Like, I can appreciate that because all you do is talk

and talk to people, you're constantly on the phone,

you're constantly like, you know what I mean?

Like, I do, genuinely, not even taking a piss,

know that that would have been really, really hard for you.

Between Christmas and New Year,

I voluntary took six days out from speaking

and didn't open my mouth and enjoyed every minute of it,

which is the difference because I didn't speak

to anyone, I see anyone.

I love that time.

But I do know for you, that would have been really, really tough.

I got really fucking in my own fields.

I'm not going to lie, I had a bit of a tear up.

I don't know why it was,

like, you know when you just left, sat on your own,

like, I know the feature said he's like,

I fucking loved it, I got really emotional

and I started like writing down things,

I started drawing.

Oh, my goodness.

I started drawing.

I don't know what the fuck happened to me.

What the fuck were you two, what are we talking about?

Tony, Tony, did you like that?

No, I was like, I basically put you two up

and I try and you did well.

I put you two up and I try and copy,

like, on my notepad, what the person's sketching.

And so I just, like, try and, like, follow the instructions

of how to do it.

And I always get like a court away from it,

and I go, fuck, I'm going to drawing.

And then, and then, and then something will go off

and I haven't followed the exact step.

And the note is like, ends up over there.

And I get so angry and I like fucking scribble all over it.

Yeah, I started drawing.

I don't know.

It was really tough, but I really missed you.

And I'm not even, I don't know,

I mean, I don't know what it is,

but I genuinely really miss Pete.

And so I was like, let's see if he wants to go for a roast.

He did.

I mean, I'm going to be honest with you.

It's, I had really thought about how good you were doing.

I don't know what it was, so kind of off.

I literally just sat there and went,

God, he's doing really well, Pete.

I was like, I'm so proud of him.

Right, I just want to point out the thing that sparked Sam

saying that was I went to the football

because I don't normally go to things like that, right?

And I went with Marl Boss,

shout out to Louis and his brother,

said, who I didn't think for years and years and years.

And we used to go to the football and stuff together.

And we used to play football together as well,

which is madness.

But so I went with him.

That's what sparked Sam say.

I'm proud of you that I went to a football game.

I think that's really what it was

because Sam's a big football fan.

I think it was like, this could be something new

for us to enjoy together.

It's not going to be.

Oh, I'd love that.

But yeah, Piper apparently then didn't realize,

Ellen, my manager, thought I'd been hacked

when I put up a picture at the thing

and messaged me saying, it's everything okay.

And I was like, yeah, I'm at the football.

She went, I thought you'd been hacked

and someone had just put up a picture.

Piper decided to Google what football team I support.

Tottenham, isn't it?

Well, it is, yeah.

But what actually, if you ask Google,

it says, Pete Wix has invested in and supports

the Birmingham and Bay Sunday leads in great by United.

So I'm a GBU.

And how the fuck a GBU doing, by the way?

Well, they lost 9-1 at the weekends

because I do keep up with them in the cup.

You're joking.

No, I'm joking, I'm dead serious.

Did they not?

Yeah, no.

Listen, stay in 11, sponsor the GBU.

They're in a quarter final.

All right, good luck, boys.

We love you.

That is the only mention you're going to get

until you win a game.

It's like that guy who didn't shave.

You see the man you're not a fan

who hasn't cut his hair in like seven years.

Maybe you could do that.

Like, would you ever consider doing something like that?

I've got no hair, mate.

Well, listen, but that's going to become cool again this year.

Boulding is not what you thought it was.

It's not a negative thing.

And I'll tell you why, because one of the most iconic film

characters of all time is coming back this year

with Toy Story 5 and Woody's going bald.

My boy.

My boy.

You've got a picture of you seeing the picture.

You've seen the pictures.

Yeah, yeah.

And the first thing I thought when he took the cowboy hat off

in that trailer was, Sam's going to love this.

Representation.

Sam's going to love this because you're not alone, big boy.

Yeah.

You're not alone, big man.

Yeah.

All right.

If Woody can do it, so can you.

Diverse.

We love it.

Right.

Not so diverse.

Yeah.

No, we love it.

Yeah, you and the toys.

It made me, it made me feel seen.

Well, it made me feel seen.

Listen, there you go.

I mean, I think it's interesting.

What sort of guy in the cafeteria today?

And he had a bit of a bald patch up top.

But like, proper bulls, sort of what I'm gearing towards.

Oh, no, you're there.

Yeah.

I'm basically, I'm basically now acting like the style of toys.

Sam did like you were working towards.

No, no, it's just something that, you know, it's, it's, it's, it's something that I've always

been working on for a while.

It's a new style.

You know, you can't just go straight on and things.

You have to build up to it.

No, you know, slow instead.

He wins the race.

And I just thought, I looked at him and I went, yeah, you're rocking that.

You're rocking that bald patch quite well.

And I looked at, I'm nearly once, it was with you if I didn't want to go out and be like,

nice bald patch, man.

Yeah.

How are you doing that?

How are you doing that?

How are you doing that?

Well, I think, I don't think he can sort of control geneticist.

Just liked it.

I liked it.

You just liked it.

Well, there you go, mate.

Listen, you, you keep going with that Friday.

I'm ready for your story, though, mate.

Love that.

I'm so about that.

Well, I'm, I'm going to be honest with you.

As we all know, I do love Disney, but I'm also, I'm also a big fan of, of Toy Story.

I know it's a Pixar Toy Story, isn't it?

Yeah.

But I, I do love Toy Story.

It kind of lost me a little bit in Toy Story 4.

It wasn't a massive fan, but I'm hoping they come back strong with Toy Story 5 because

one and two are really great.

The third one was always a tough one, but it was enjoyable, still.

But the fourth one, it kind of ended, and I'm glad they haven't left it there because

it left a real sour taste in my mouth.

It's like Game of Thrones.

Are you watching the New Game of Thrones?

Oh, absolutely not.

No, I haven't watched the first one.

Has anyone watched it?

No, at the 7K?

Oh, my God, it's fucking brilliant.

Okay, not one person in this room has watched it.

Well, I'll just remove on them.

It's fucking great.

But I'm, I'm excited for Toy Story.

I fucking love it, although I don't want to cry.

Like, I'd Toy Story is such a huge part of probably all of our childhoods.

I don't want to fucking like, you know, in some ends, you go, oh, no, I'm like a probably

fully fledged adult.

Well, I mean, look, yeah, I don't want to be one.

No, listen, I hear you.

Who's your favourite character from Toy Story?

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Youth Mental Health is a complex challenge that requires comprehensive solutions.

We must strengthen after-school programs.

We must make digital literacy tools available in our schools.

We must work with mental health professionals to support children.

And we must empower mentors, educators and parents to keep kids happy.

Learn more about our commitment to finding lasting solutions at EmpowerOurFutureCoalition.com

Slash Solutions.

Paid for by the Coalition to Empower Our Future.

Mate, you know what?

This is so boring, but I've always said buzz because I used to pretend to be buzz when I was

a kid.

To infinity and beyond.

I used to have the buzz light-year outfit.

I used to refuse to go to school.

I used to try and go in my buzz light-year outfit.

It's only because your parents didn't want you to get bullied in year 11.

Year 11?

That's 13.

It was not it's 15.

Exactly, that was the joke.

Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ.

Yeah, I mean, look, yeah, I like that.

I mean, my...

I like Mr. Potato Head.

Yeah.

He's just a bit of a lad, don't he?

He's boy.

Yeah, a bit of a lad.

The dinosaur fucks me off like you're fucked.

I like the dinosaur.

What a pussy, man.

No, he's not fucking out.

The dinosaur is.

He's always scared.

He's a fucking dinosaur.

Be a dinosaur.

You're fucked.

Yeah, but sometimes he finds his mojo.

No, he doesn't really find his mojo.

No, he just has these moments of brief kind of like...

Oh, and then go...

No, not for me.

Fuck you, man.

But you can't be...

Listen, you know, you can't be woody.

You can't be woody.

Let's be honest with you.

You can't be woody.

Although I do like that.

Oh.

The little wagons, they're good.

The claw.

The claw.

The claw.

Another really exciting thing happening within the office.

Everyone is very, very excited about where everyone except for me.

Shock.

We are entering our running era.

Now, this started with Pippa.

I'm going to be honest with you.

I know you may think how did this start with Pippa,

considering we have the running man next to us,

who raised so much money for UNICEF incredibly.

Nothing starts with our Pippa nowadays to be fair.

Not bitter at all.

No, no, that was actually...

No, that was meant to be nice.

No, so obviously inspired by that.

Pippa is a bit of a fitness freak.

I know Kiwa does a lot of running.

Sorry.

No, do you know what?

We're going from...

No.

Are we going from nice to wrong again?

I'm sorry.

Pippa is not a fitness freak.

Are you joking?

I saw her story the other day of her doing a stretch in the fucking middle of the road.

I really enjoyed it.

She's already done a fucking ankle.

Well, get on to listen.

Pippa signed up to a half marathon and was really excited about this.

Really excited about the fact that she'd signed up for this half marathon.

It was kind of her moment to shine.

You know, Stammer wasn't always going to be behind her.

She has now been overshadowed because now it's Sam's half marathon moment.

You've reduced yourself to being an extra again.

So we are now all supporting Sam on his half marathon journey.

Sam and Pippa are doing a half marathon together.

No, no.

Can I just say something?

Pippa wanted me to do it with her.

So I was like, yeah, sure.

Do you know what?

It's always nice to do something to train for.

Well, listen, why don't we ask Pippa as she has a mic?

Yeah, go on.

Whether that is factual information.

I asked everyone to do the half marathon ages ago.

And everyone was like, I'm pulled out.

But Sam said he'll run it.

And I said, only if he runs next to me for the whole things that we can talk.

But I just know you're inevitably now at the last 100 meters going to do like a sprint finish

and then pretend you've been waiting for me for like four hours at the end.

Well, can we say who you're doing?

Yeah, of course.

Okay. And he's, are you doing it at the same time?

Okay.

So anyway, these guys are both doing this.

And what I am going to say as much as I take the piece, they're in the running era.

They are doing it for something incredible.

If you haven't listened to this episode of the pod that we previously did,

then I suggest you do because Pippa and Sam are going to be running for Be More Fab,

which is an incredible charity, which was set up by a young girl and her family called Florey,

who we know from the Pride of Britain, who is the most incredible little girl.

And her family are amazing and Be More Fab are an amazing charity.

We're going to put up links and everything for everyone to donate.

She is a friend of the pod, as is the family.

And I think it's incredible that you're both doing that.

I'm so, so proud of you both.

I will be there at the finish line supporting you.

And listen, I may not be running it, but what I will be doing is sponsoring you both for the charity.

I think it's an incredible sponsor as well.

And I will say as well, just about Be More Fab,

because I won't do it just if I explain to you what they actually do and who Florey is.

Please go back onto our YouTube and watch the episode we did with Florey.

She came on to this podcast.

When I tell you she's the most infectious, beautiful, energetic, wonderful little girl

who is doing amazing things with Be More Fab and her family are incredible.

So please go and support these two running, but more than anything, please support Be More Fab.

And there'll be a running kind of theme coming up as we will listen to these two training.

The minute Pippa has started the training, she's currently injured.

Sam is off the back of vocal surgery.

I mean, it's not too much running going on, but it will, it will gear up close into the time.

The run is in May, so we'll be gearing up with that.

And what I will say, I can't give you too much more, but there may be an opportunity for some of you

to be involved with all of us in some sort of club.

I don't know, that was me.

And let me tell you, that is one of the worst kind of, I basically just done a Sam

and told you what it is.

But to keep your eyes peeled into sort of club, we're talking about running, and you could join a club.

Now, I don't want to give it away, but some things coming.

And it's going to be fucking big.

So keep your, keep your eyes peeled for that as well.

Can I just quickly just whilst we just before we move on on to that?

Pepper has done her ankle in, and has somehow managed to siphon her way into my physio session.

She's like, can you just put me in quickly?

So she's getting a free fucking physio from my guy when I'm going myself.

She's shoehorned herself in for 15 minutes, so you can have a look at her ankle.

Well, this is incredible.

And I love the fact that you've now got the hump with this.

Let's just remember that you are the person that takes her to all your plastic surgery appointments.

So it's only right that she actually goes for something she needs,

rather than something she doesn't.

We could add one of those on after.

We could have.

Well, there you go.

Well, what a day out for the two of you.

What a day out.

Physio and then salmon spunk together.

Beautiful.

Oh, god.

It's great.

Talking a salmon spunk.

Amazingly, it sounds like something I need.

Oh, my God.

Because I don't know if you've seen it, but I've gone viral this week because I'm 47 years old.

This is something that I fucking died at.

So I'm sat at home, right?

I'm over the moon at this happened whilst you're on vocal surgery.

Because I couldn't deal with a phone call from you screaming in my ear.

I'll be in 47 years old.

Scrolling through my phone, right?

And I'm just so bored in this thing.

So it's Joe Marla podcast.

We all love Joe Marla.

Really nice guy.

And it's a clip of Joe being like, how old are you?

Pete says 37.

If you ever seen the Kevin Hartman where Kevin Hartman is down.

It's like that.

And Joe Marla, who himself looks about 45.

47.

47 turns around in disgust at the fact that Pete is the thing is we're having this conversation.

So Joe's, you know, talking about this.

And I said, well, yeah.

And it was a genuinely serious part of the pod.

So so I'm there going, well, look.

Yeah, now I'm 37 and he goes, you're 37.

He like stopped at the pod.

Pete's talking about how like dating and I was a single at 37.

And I was up.

Well, yeah.

And he went, what?

And I went, oh, you thought I was older.

It was the comment next, which honestly shook me to my core.

He went, I grew up watching you.

Joe Marla.

And I went, what the fucking older you then?

As it turns out, we both look like we're nearing 50 or think.

Now, that's fine for us because we can have a laugh about it.

Never in my wildest dreams.

Did I imagine that over 12 million people would then watch that?

And all have an opinion on it.

None of them are nice.

A lot of them are, they both look 50.

I'm fucking 20.

But the worst part of it is if you go through the comments

and you look at the people commenting, someone going,

fuck, you know, yeah, look at the state of them.

They both look dug up.

I'm not even joking.

I went on this person's fucking profile.

And you go on some of them.

It looks like a thumb.

How in fuck's name?

Are you having an opinion on our old eye look?

Have a look in a fucking mirror.

Are you horrible, horrible?

Well, I love his.

Now you know if you troll P, he will have a look at your profile.

Well, you know you're going to get his attention.

We all have a laugh, but also, and just on another note,

let's just make this serious, shall we?

Yes, listen, we are, you know, I cut the fillers in the next rugby player

and I'm one miserable.

But imagine we were cut the women and people start going,

you're fucking, you look 60 now.

Look at the state of your fucking, we gone there, have we?

Fucking Jesus.

Okay.

Here we go.

I'm just saying.

On their tube journey.

Listen to this.

I'm just saying, or anywhere else you may be listening to this podcast.

I'm just saying, you know, if you can't say anything,

don't say anything at all.

Don't say, if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

I do know what I couldn't believe.

And Joe, we love Joe.

Joe's from Joe.

He's, he'll laugh at this.

Joe, being 35 is, is, is, is blasphemy.

There is no way that man is 35.

He's two years younger than you.

He's two years older than me.

It's only two years older than me.

Yeah, to be fair, I mean, it genuinely did.

I think it shocked us both.

It couldn't believe.

I thought he was in mid 40.

I thought he was joking when he first said, oh, you're 37.

So I thought, oh yeah, funny, funny, because I always say,

I look fucking 50 anyway.

The genuine look of surprise on his face was, I've never really seen

anyone mean it.

Like, like that.

He was genuinely shocked.

But that I've grown up watching.

Yeah, that made me.

Yeah.

Firstly, it was making him sound like a 16 year old girl

and me like some old man.

But I was just like, what the fuck?

Anyway, so, so that's, that's it.

But let's look on the, the bright side of things.

Because it's not all bad for me.

Because this week, Essex County Council

have actually named a dog walking trail after me.

So you can go and do the Pete Wicks dog walk.

Have you done the Pete Wicks dog walk?

And not yet.

I haven't opened it yet.

Would you have to go and open it?

Oh, it will be opened.

Do you know what I like from this is?

We've gone from opening good bad shots to,

because that's something that the, the town we lot used to do

back in the day.

They always used to, I think.

Yeah.

Made in Chelsea were, yeah, they were busy opening Ferrari showrooms.

No, I mean, we didn't have much better, but like,

but I feel like that was like the town we think was there.

Yeah, they're good barbshops.

And, and, and, and now, now he's opening his own fucking dog walk.

It's the Pete Wicks dog trail.

So I will send you notes in that.

So, because I want pictures from people,

as they walk their dogs on the dog trail, of course.

But I will be going to, to see it.

And we want you to go and visit it.

You never know.

In the future.

We could organise a standard dog walking session

on the Pete Wicks dog trail.

And then you can all tell me how it was.

So, yeah.

I mean, if you were going to have st. named after you, Sam,

what would you, what would you like?

Obviously, for me, genuinely, thank you to a six-cancer.

That is really lovely.

I love dogs.

It's always nice to go on with your dogs.

And it's, it is an honour.

But what, if you could, if we can name something after you,

what would it be?

If I can name something after me, what would it be?

I think that, oh, go on, I don't know,

like a, a fortnight skin.

That would be a fort-skid.

A fort-skid.

Sorry?

If you could name a fort-skid after me,

that would be fucking brilliant.

If you could, what's your name?

Have you seen the size of it, Sam Thompson?

Yeah, no.

We had to, uh, snip his Sam Thompson off.

Got to be honest.

No, a fortnight skin.

I'm still here in Forkskin.

Fortnight skin is a, um, is a,

it's a game.

It's a game that people play.

It's like called a jury bird.

It's sort of like a bit more cartoonish.

Josh, you all know that.

Well, there you go.

Listen.

Yeah, a fort.

I'd love a Sam Thompson.

What a fortnight skin.

Let's try and work on that, then,

because then what you can do is you can,

you can get yourself a Sam Thompson forkskin

and take it on the dog walking trail in Essex.

It would be lovely.

It's nice.

We had a stance where I've ever heard him alive.

Um, so, um,

there is something that I wanted to get your opinion on.

I saw something recently,

which is fucking men's,

I can't believe this is actually a thing in,

in 2026, no less.

Uh, a nightclub, right?

Have introduced a six foot and overall for men,

for entry.

That's a legit thing.

How does that make you feel as not big six foot?

Well, yeah.

I mean, there's no need for you to end,

end with the,

you're obviously not six foot.

Yeah, but I'm clearly not feeling,

I know.

I feel really hurt for that.

Well, actually,

this is a really good way for me to address this.

Um,

because quite often what happens,

because, you know,

for some reason,

people have it in their head that I'm really small man.

First of a strict at growth.

Perfect.

Yeah.

I'm taller than Sam,

but people still imagine I'm the short one here.

Yeah, but I'm tiny.

I'm a Thompson.

Oh, yeah.

You're not that fucking tiny,

like Louise.

Jesus Christ.

Louise is five.

You must be new.

She's, she's effectively a dust mite.

Yeah.

So, um,

but I'm five foot ten,

you're five for eight,

five, eight and a half,

eight and a half.

All right.

So I'm not tiny, tiny, tiny,

but obviously I'm not six foot.

What, what,

what do I think about this?

Firstly, I think it's good for me,

um, based on the fact that he's a club that I can't get into,

which, you know,

saved me from being drunk somewhere else.

I want to go,

but I,

well, I'll tell you what the answer to that is,

they're in souls.

I want to get yourself a set of Cuban heels and some stills

and we'll have a night out there.

I think it'd be so fun to turn up and try and black

that we're six foot.

Josh, are you six foot?

Yeah.

You're six foot.

Six foot.

You're six foot.

All right.

In all counts.

All I need to know is can you get in the fucking club?

Yes.

Yes.

Yes, your exact measurements,

you're fucking.

I can't.

Did you see it?

What, you're all fucked me off.

So he could go and tell us about it.

Josh, it's just pieces me off is when fucking people who are six

and above,

like the smugness

that they fucking say they're hiding.

Even Josh who's like the loveliest guy,

even you,

who's said he's like,

six one.

In the same respect,

in the same respect.

You say that,

that people above six foot,

but you've just done the opposite of that,

Which is anyone that is quite sure and when I go well, you're five that five eight and a half

Actually, you've given yourself the half

But we have to yeah, but do you know how unfortunate I am I've met your mum and I've met your dad neither of which are particularly tall

So you've actually done quite well, right? Yeah, my dad is

Six-foot-three and my dad's my dad's dad's my granddad six foot seven. Oh, no, so my dad's side of family big toll

My mum you've met my mum

Very small. Yeah, my name very small my mum's dad was about five foot seven

I've gone sort of a little bit above to them. I'm giant. How unfortunate is that?

I could have I could have been six one and you know, I just saw

But yet again just like my fucking life. I've never quite made it yet. I know to feel it like everything I do

It's always just the nearly man

But do you know what is these fucking bastards these six foot and above bastards who just think that they can swan around being six foot and over

But all right, let me ask you this then before we go

No fucking pit. I don't like tall people. They really pissed me off

Well, look you know men that wants to go to this club if there's anyone listening you lose it's you will be measured at the door

All right

And there's nothing there is nothing cooler than that is going up to a club

It's bad enough when you're not on the fucking list, but imagine going up there. We're going. Sorry. Make too short

Nothing worse than that

That's so that is so you're experiencing a lot of risk

So one off you've got a tiny penis. So so so what I would suggest you do is only go if you're above six

If you're trying to get in and you're not far away from it, it could be one of the worst experiences in your life

But you're too sure obviously the first event was sold out was amazing

Well, I tell you what yeah the majority of the people that I imagine were at the event were women because all women want is someone tall dark

And well, this they're not interested in sort of personality small building and

Yeah, small building and funny, you know, I mean we don't get a fucking look

You know, we don't get fucking look the governor's small funny borrowers. Yeah over here get absolutely fucking

I should already do you know what it's the TikTokers who sit there? Yeah, fuck them

They sit there and they fucking go and they go I just want someone who's six four works in finance

You know, you know, you're hard is to be six four. Yeah, but also but but can I just point this someone that's six four and works in finance and looking at a tiktok

That's it just fuck you, okay, so don't fucking worry about what we're doing worry about your fucking self. Yeah, hey short kings forever

Well, I don't want that

Yeah, well on that now, I think we've had a rent that we've agreed on for the first time ever

Although I really want us to all try and go to the club and see what happens

I really imagine imagine if like Josh Schrozen and me and peak it like

You know the worst part of that is you know for well just for me at the embarrassment

I will be there. Yeah, you'll get it still and I'll get him still me and people go

You know one of those like investor gadget invested. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll go in and

I'll be on my shoulders in a fucking Mac. I'm just going you know of course. I am

Six foot. I've actually come up seven foot maybe we and then we'll get in there

He'll hop off me shoulders, and we won't be out of reach the bar because they've raised it

Seven three two to kilos

Seven three is so good. I can we move on because I think we've had enough thing

We should go there on it and and me and Pete should actually

Go on and film it

We could we could ever go right that's so thank you for listening to stay in Melbourne with Pete wicks and Sam Thompson

If you want a feature in the podcast then email

Hello, it's our productions.co.uk. Subscribe for low rate five stars do all of that stuff

I think it's actually one of the best that's which is really worrying

It's actually I bet you we get a million coins being like fuck at the structure beautifully

I love them and leave them

Guys, we love you so much. How the most wonderful tube journey ever and or wherever you're listening to this fucking podcast

And we will see you next week. Love you so much. I'm so glad to be back. We've missed you. What I've missed you

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