7 Years 126 days - FUF

0:00Alright you are back with comedian, don't boil and I'm quitting alcohol. So fucking, so fucking, we had some people come over last night so I couldn't get the podcast done to late and I fucking went to bed at like two something. I woke up to get the kids ready and I was on like fucking four and a half hours sleep. I was caught. I only had four and a half hours sleep the night before as well. So I got the kids up and got them ready. I didn't even have a coffee because I'm like fuck this. As soon as I dropped them off or my daughter, my son just sprints to school. I'm coming home. I'm putting my fucking eye mask on and I'm getting at least another hour's sleep.

1:02So I do that. I come back home and I fucking. I have the juiciest fucking three and a half hours sleep. I feel like I've had in about 20 years. I just went down and I just fell straight into a dream like a deep, deep, vivid dream about the brakes on my car failing. I wonder where that came from. The brakes on my car failed in my dream. I'm like stomping on them and the car's not fucking. Stop in and so pull over to the side of the road to get. I don't know what I was getting like a cloth or something to help fix the brakes and I come back and the car's missing. I'm like what the fuck where is it? I look down the hill and there's nothing. I'm like it didn't roll off. Something's happened. Someone stole it or something. But then I get further down the fucking street and it's just absolute fucking carnage

2:07down there. The car's taken out like eight other cars. It's taken out the house. Concer like what happened. I hope you have insurance and I'm like fuck. I don't know about the insurance. So it was so vivid and so deep and then I woke up and combined with my sleep the night before it ended up being the best sleep I've had in over 30 days and now my sleep debt is under 30 minutes for only the fourth time since I've had my whoop which is 310 days now. Luckily I'm like fucking around about two hours or an hour and a half sleep debt every day for almost a year now. Getting my sleep together has truly been the hardest thing I've fucking done. I still haven't accomplished anything either. I'll have a seven hour sleep and then I'll fucking bang it up with a four hour sleep and it's not because I can't fall asleep is because I'm fucking I refuse to sleep some nights

3:12for some reason. Anyway, fucking we're at Friday baby. It's fucking fucked up Friday time and I fucking I fucked the rhythm of that whole intro up. It's fucked up Friday time so I can't even remember what I say. Here it is. If you have a story, listen, don't message me saying I'm going to send in the story sometime. Don't message me saying do you need a story? I need stories all the time. It's always red alert. Get the men spend fucking 20 minutes tapping to your creative center and send me in a God damn story. So don't ask, just do. Don't ask, just do. Anyway, fucking hit to my website boilcomedy.com. You know the drill. Send it in. Anyway, let's get to this week's fucked up Friday. So this week's fucked up Friday was sent in by my man James out there in Northern Ireland.

4:20I was actually doing a gig with a fucking dude from Northern Ireland. Belfast dude. Fuck he was funny off stage. No, he was funny on stage as well, but God, he could tell a yarn on off stage. Anyway, James from Northern Ireland. Here it is. I was 17 still in secondary school taking my A levels and working part time in a bar, which I guess was esoteric. That is a little bit esoteric. 17 year old in a bar. The bar staff had their Christmas night out in January. I decided to go even though I had a politics exam the next morning. We meet in the bar where we work to start the night where the owner gives everyone 20 quid for drinks. I start drinking pints then someone suggests shots of tequila. A drink I hadn't tried yet, so of course I oblige and proceed to get the next round

5:25of shots immediately. I think I get a vodka and red bull too. Anyway, I black out. That was around 10pm. I wake up in my bed, get on my school uniform and head to school, still drunk. I sit the politics exam and get an A. Lowl. I have to reset the exam on my birthday, my last day of secondary school. My work colleagues and mum filled in the blanks of the night. I was blocked and kept walking up on stage when colleagues were doing karaoke and generally being too annoying. So they got me a taxi home with two workmates. I gave them the wrong address. Workmates called my mum to pick me up as they had no clue where they were. My mum said I kept saying to her, you don't understand which is funny because I sure as fuck didn't either.

6:26Hold on. Hold on. Why did you... Hold on. So you got an A. But then you had to reset the exam on your birthday last day of secondary school and then that was completely an isolated event that had no connection to anything else. And then your mum took your home, your 17. Can you fucking... I was hearing stories about Northern Ireland and Belfast and that from fucking dudes in Ireland that were just so fucking funny and so hectic. Like one of the dudes... This made me laugh. Fucking James Hopkins, a fucking comedian and cork. A Belfast dude. We were speaking after a show once and he was telling us about Belfast and how fucking sketchy it was and he was like we used to try and crack onto the fucking Protestant girls

7:32and he was like it would be all like fucking dangerous and shit. He would be like yeah I'm going to see Protestant girl fuck yeah. This is sexy as fuck and then he would go to meet the girl and this isn't just him. He said this happened. He said this happened a lot. He said you would go to meet the girl at the place you had arranged and you would be greeted not by the girl but like 14 of her brothers and cousins and friends and you would get your ass fucking kicked. I want to hear those stories from Belfast. You're fucking going up the hill thinking you're getting some Protestant plus and you arrive and you get your absolute ass kicked. That's the Belfast I know and love. Anyway fucking thanks for sending in the story. That'll do for tonight enjoy your weekend and I'll see you the fuck later.