Andrew & Charlie Investigate | Episode 49: Food

0:00Food is one of the fundamental building blocks of all life, providing us with the energy and nutrition that allows us to go about the other necessities of survival. Without an ice full tummy, I wouldn't have the energy to debag women on the tube. But food is as much political as it is biological, with the distribution and cultivation of food being governed by different power dynamics. National and global inequalities of power have meant that food insecurity has become an all-too-present issue in the modern world. Perhaps the best way to alleviate food insecurity is to get them off social media. It can't be good for them to be comparing themselves to each other every day. Oh, the tomato's a bad day out of a bright and pure together and they didn't invite the turnip. I guess the turnip would just keep playing FIFA by himself and his room in

1:02Hayward Sea for a full Saturday while struggling with the reality as parents recent of horse and sisters were seeing mental illness. Maybe the tomatoes didn't invite the turnip to the pier. The turnip wouldn't feel the need to please strangers on the internet. But the creation and dissemination of what the ideal diet is is a long and troubling history. All too often, powerful lobbying groups have distorted the science behind nutrition, causing misinformation and damaging dietary fads. Although I'm not sure why these lobbying groups have so much power, isn't it just the bottom floor of a hotel? So can we understand the creation of the modern world via the change and dynamics of the organisation of food? Should people that refer to themselves as foodies all be put into a big lender? If I swallow crayons, is that food? And is it ever possible to have an unbiased scientific approach to dietary information within neoliberal capitalism? Don't me answer these questions. I'm joined by Charlie Milner, who's eaten too much bread. Charlie, thank you for joining me. Thank you for having me. Food, Charlie, do we need it? We don't need it, Andrew. We do eat it. Nonsense. Absolutely. I eat too much, Andrew. I'm actually genuinely sincerely worried

2:10about weight. No, you'll get help. I don't need any sympathy. I'm just informing you. I wasn't really giving you sympathy. I was trying to give you a dose of reality. Well, though, the reality is that I am eating too much. If I continue on this path, my dad tells me that the men and our family are living on six. No, it's six. Yeah. And that is beginning to happen. So that's just fat with skinny legs. I took a picture in the mirror the other day. And you saw it. And I saw a bit of something that I thought was a bit of chair, and it was a bit of my back. Oh, that's right. So a bit of chair. A bit of chair was a bit of my back. So yeah, I think my relationship with food is pretty simple, which is I eat all of it. I love it. I love it. I even love chicken seeds. It's been nice. I performatively claim to hate it. You don't love it. I will eat. I'll eat literally. I'll eat anything you can give me. Right. So it's a miracle that I'm not bigger really. Well, you've clearly got to find metabolism, but that's going to slow down soon. What is going to change your dietary requirements needs practice?

3:12Well, I was thinking why I need to do is find a food that is delicious that I can just eat as much as I want to. Yeah, I remember you saying this. You said that like six months ago and you've not found one yet. No, no. Is that an option? Is there any meat that meat? Is there any sort of airy meat that I can airy meats? Is that an option? I'm asking. You can just poke loads of holes in it. And then I don't know. I have no idea what to say to it's already airy meats. Rice cracker. Sure. Well, just eat healthy food. Right. Yeah, it's both so. I think we're just going to eat way more of that because you're going to want to feel full. I do want to feel full. Is it more important to feel full or fulfilled? I would say feel full because then you can be fulfilled after that. You can't really be fulfilled. You're starving. Exactly. Because you're just be looking for your next pair. Pairs are amazing because Andrew. Why? There's no core. Did you know that? There's no core to a pair. No, it's just what does that tell us about life and the pairs? There's nothing to hide. You should have nothing to hide.

4:16The core of you is more of you. The core of you is more of you. And that's the lesson we can learn from the pair. How's your mental health at the moment? No. Unnecessary. With regards to the Northern accent. Yeah. Would you say that food is the best word that exists in the north? It's weird, isn't it? Wait, the best word that exists in the north. Yeah. Food. Food. Eat your foot and food. Jordy. I guess so. Yeah. I mean, the difference between food, food, the difference between the northern food and food and food. The southern, the Sunderland accent and the Newcastle accent are apparently differentiated by the fact that if you are from Newcastle, you will say read a foot in book. But if you're from Sunderland, you go read a foot in book. So it's food and food. And by some like this. It seems like a wonderful time to jump to think it's corner where we're going to hear from the best of brightest minds that have ever lived and ever will live in this week is no different as we tackle the topic of food as we munch. We chew on the difficult topic

5:22of food. Well, as I've explained to you, Andrew, I only eat north normally. South to north. Yes. If a plate is a compass, you're arranged as one. Yeah. We're just looking at a plate. You're just looking at a plate from your eyes. I think everyone knows what you mean by self to know. Does Matt know what I mean? No. Oh, I started. Basically, if you look at a plate from above and imagine there is a northeast southwest, she makes a lot of sense here. I will eat entire, I just only eat north. I don't really kind of deviate it. It's south to north. He doesn't think about it. Like a lawn. He doesn't put like a nice fork full. He doesn't, you know, we get all the little bit, all the flavor combinations. He just eats whatever is the closest bit of food to him. So do you have to range it with that in mind? No, no, no, no, there's no plan. It's just gluttony. I really should do that though. It would make it would make for a nice amount of food or just slow down and take slower mouthfuls and arrange a nice fork for once. I mean, I'm quite insecure about the way I often ask if I eat share of food with Andrew, I will. If I share foods with

6:26Andrew, I will often ask him if I'm eating in a way that's displeasing. Well, I see answer. Often it's no, but I give him no, but you are, it comes out like we had a recent argument on the Patreon because I brought into lovely cookies for us and then Charlie scoffed his in the bag whilst crumbling up the entire two in my cookie. So when I got to mind, it was just basically crumbs. That's kind of what he does. It's fucking ridiculous. I kind of thought they were both for me, honestly, but I did. I did. I did. I often do mystery tone. But so you and for your second cookie, you were just going to fucking mash it up, sticking in a blender and drink it. Yeah, musley cookie more. Moosley cookie. Moosley cookie more. And as ever, we're going to start with some quotes. So let's go out. John and Phil, Blinon, Brie, Brieau, Savine, take it away, John. Tell me what you eat. And I will tell you what you are interesting. Now, is that where I was thinking it? Let's just address the elephant in the room. Is that where the phrase came from? Awkward turtle has

7:29been addressed. And now it's a nonchalant fucking chick. Now it's a kind of happy, happy turtle. Right. I imagine that's it's a fancy way of saying you are what you eat. So fundamentally fuck off, John, what's wrong with saying it like a normal bloke? All lady. Yeah, sure mom. What? Well, you are what you eat is obviously why don't why it's such a pervasive face? Is it pervasive? Would you agree? It is. Yeah. But I think about it a lot because it is handy. It's a handy way for discipline and food because I'm looking at this like, you know, sloppy burger. Do I want to be that sloppy burger? Because I feel like it. And I do it the older I get the more I'm like, that's fucking bang on. I feel like a sloppy burger after I've had a sloppy burger. You emanate kebab. I emanate kebab when I've had kebab. It's definitely true. And if I've had something like, you know, a bit healthy, I'm like, is a feather Charlie? I'm breathing around your rock. I'm absolutely killing it. I'll rock it. You'll rock it. If you have a rock it's Ellen, you're rocketing about it. Very good. That makes sense. Yes. The I do think if you take this phrase

8:33to the end of degree, then it is a load of bollocks. If you are, I'm not, if I have a lemon, I'm not actually that lemon, you know, but there is a sense that like, it's more tonal with um, you're like, you're like, it's more symbolic rather than literal, interesting points. Yeah. I'm not a lamb cough. If you're not a lemon, though, or not a lamb cough, if I eat enough lamb cough, then maybe I am a lamb cough, though. If I literally spend the rest of my life eating lamb cough, before I die, will I become even vaguely like? Isn't there a thing where if you don't go for a wee and you drink, I think, seven or eight points of beer, then you're more beer than you or something. I mean, you got like this. You could go like that if you want to. Um, but like, there's something to do like your blood. There's like more, can you look at that? Please, Matt, it makes sense. We've got nine points of blood. We have nine points of blood in us. Is that true? Yes. Nine. I feel so we shouldn't be able to spare one point of it, then, that's just kind of normal. Where is that normal? I've never given blood. I don't know if I can. I feel horrible, but yeah, your dad was everything like that, aren't you? I'm bad at everything. God,

9:33imagine if everyone was you. Well, I think we wouldn't be all here. No, he wouldn't, because normal, normal give blood, no one can be a doctor or a surgeon. We would be, no, no, no. We would have dried out in, in kind of the 17s, 40s. The 1740s. I think, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, fucking, though. Well, Google says that's 3.9 liters of liquid or beer. I don't say how that's an answer to my question. No, but then the human body contains 70, 37 liters of water. So you're 10% up here. So you're way more water than beer. Yeah, it can't be water. It's something. You got seven points of blood in you or something. I think I get more gullible as I grow up, because I remember being like, wow. No, no, it makes perfect sense. It doesn't. No, no, but let's just do it without the Google bit. Let's just run the numbers and like, I'll alone. If you have loads of beer and you don't get any of it out of you, you are full of beer, Andrew. No one's contesting that you're not full of beer. It's about when that goes into a point where

10:35you're more beer than something else. And what do you have to do once you become more beer than something is? Come out of a tap. Appear from taps and live in a glass. It would be much quieter time. Interesting. When's the worst period of time you've ever reached in any of life? Well, the worst time. Yeah. You need. I think there I was eating like horrible things. My name at uni was dead palette. Why? Because of the poor collagen food. Yes. Horrified. It's dead palette coming out tonight. No, he's eating some slop. I would only for dinner, I would often have pop tarts or two meal deals. I'd have double meal deal. I'd get like six quid on four sandwiches individually and then kind of two snacks, two drinks. I'd also have those little Chicago town pizzas. Yeah. I would kind of melt on a grill and then eat alone in my room. I had a bad palette. Yeah. It wasn't through. I think it's just effort. It's effort. You just want food immediately now and more of it the best. Now piece. Right. Onto some food delicacies of history. Right? Delicate foods of history,

11:41hot ones that were crumbled a touch. Well, that kind of delicatjali. Who's the most, who's the sort of most Larry hardest food? Who's the kind of scariest? Who's the bouncer food? I just think it's an overused thing, but I do think it's a sausage. Do you think? What would you say? I'd say like an incredibly moldy pair. No, like a match. That's definitely a layer. It's been through a lot. Matches are trauma. Shaz beam from a lot. Matches being for a fatlover. Do you think about it? I'd say probably like a massive pickle maybe, a cucumber, a pickled cucumber. I'm going to plow on with this. Absolutely. So this is the cocking trice. Three whitties. Dangling. You took the right. What you do is from England in the middle ages, Kel fucking supris. You took a pig and a capon, which is a chicken.

12:42And I feel like there's too many words for chicken. Do any of us not a word for chicken? It is now. I haven't made it up. That's like a Spanish dish post office worker. Capot, yep. She once lost the envelopes again. Oh, fucking alcohol. We need to speak. The envelopes and the left fucking shelf. Or it's kind of a brummy guy saying who just met Al Capone. Go on. Al Capone. I guess so. There's too many words of chicken though. Do you know what I mean? Cock. Yeah. Chicken, chick, hen. Yeah. Is that about it? Rooster. Rooster. It's fucking endless. Now we got Capon. Anyway, so you took a pig and a Capon and then you scolded them. How would you scold a Capon? Fucking stupid worthless little fuck. You know, everybody can see through you. Everybody knows what you're doing. It's not subtle. It's not even clever either. You're a chicken. We're way way ahead of you. And then they drain them. If you've got any food, can I can I tell you something? I've really, really, really,

13:44really worried about my mom and then cut them both in half at the waist. Taking a needle and thread, you then add to sew the back of the pig to the front of the chicken and the back of the chicken to the front of the pig, stuffing this Frankensteinian creation as you would stuff a pig. You then glazed it with egg yolks, saffron, ginger and parsley juice before roasting it on a spit. Spit, is a way spit roast comes from obviously obviously. Did you not put too much food together on that one? So you have you ever had a spit roast? Which kind? I mean food. No. Never. No, I don't think so. I think I would remember. You've never heard of the term spit roast. I've heard of the time spit roast for food. No. You've never heard of the term. I think I heard it so much about you that you know that you know what spit roasting is sexually but not colorarily. I don't like what you're in play. I color it. Color lingus, it really. More than more than just there to be eaten. The cock and triceps there to be admired. What's that? I'm being the persons who are looking at it.

14:47What's that isn't the best terms of admiration, I think trim. What's that? I bring out some of these with my what's that true admiration is completely not knowing what's true admiration. So it was there to be admired. Banquat hosts were presented to their guests at the climax of the feast, ideally still resplendent with its original fur and feathers whipping back this outer layer they would then wow their dinner guests by revealing the cooked meat within it. What is that? Here's a picture of the cock and trice. Absolutely horrible, right? Terrific. I mean, it's scary. It's kind of play on the tension between beauty and grotesque Andrew. Really is that so I think that's what we play on quite a lot. It looks horrible. It's absolutely apparent, isn't it? But what's the real difference between that and a pig and a blanket? You know what I mean? If we're combining meats, if we're sat here on our modern high horses judging these sloppy, tuned people, but you know, they're solving something together. It looks apparent, but we're doing that all the time. We're combining meats. They're just fucking honest about it. No, I think

15:47the difference is the fact that we're fully like transfusing them in this case. Pigs and blankets, it's kind of sweet. There's a sleeping pig in a blanket. It's having the longest nap in the world. This is like we kind of wear the fucks the other half. Are they in the bin for each animal? They'll probably be used for something else. Double, double fusion. Double fusion. Double cock and trice. What's it called? Cock and trice. Double cock and trice. So then you get the other two halves and so them together, but that will look kind of horrible. Well, no, we just had the head of a pig in the back of a cappon. Yeah, I mean, I think the problem with this is the fact that they're fusing animals. I was my nickname. I have a kind of complicated. We've got another different dietary nickname. Yes. I have a complicated relationship with animal fusion because my nickname at school was pig monkey. I've seen this. Yeah. Google pig monkey. So your nickname at school was pig monkey. And then you finally go out school and went to uni, hoping for a fresh start. The nickname at uni was dead palette. Dead palette. Pig monkey to dead palette. That's

16:51pretty bad. I don't know if it's real or not. A pig monkey. I don't. Because can you fuse any animal together? Can you kind of whale and a rooster make a wicking? They won't survive. Yeah. They don't do that. So they were loads of animals. What a whale and a what did you say? Rooster and a rooster. Maybe not those two. Yeah. You're in the way. The sound that a whale rooster would make. There you go. Have you got it? Yeah. It's really awful human decadence though, isn't it? Let's just stitch all these fucking animals together and then gorge on them. I often think about what the animals must think of us. We are the devil from animals perspective. Yeah. All right. It's intense, man. It's honestly it's unthinkable. Yeah. If aliens came down to earth and started farming us. Yeah. And like started chopping me up and putting me half with it. We would mean you. Yeah. Yeah. We would taste horrific. What would you prefer? I think I'd prefer to have my top half.

17:53No, no, my bottom half and your top half actually. Why did you just look at me like that? And then change your mind. Because I remembered you have conditions. Conditions. Ask conditions. You don't have asked conditions. You have IBS, I think. And I'll say you think. Well, I think you have IBS. Yeah. Okay. It's well documented. It's brought up time and time again. Because the amount we talk about eating each other. My clean bottom is ripe for the munching. When was the last time you ate a chicken's arsehole? You don't. No, no. You're always on the fucking menu. Yeah, but it might be the nuggets. Yeah, but this isn't nuggets. Why did nuggets look so good if they are full of arsehole? Because they're deep fried and they've got a crispy skin. There you go. And it just looks white when you cook everything. So what would our bum holes get white? I mean, it's like then they bleach arsehole to make it kind of more appealing, but that you take it too far if you deep fry it into whiteness. Well, there was this artist who had to get his hip bone removed, I think. And he asked to keep it. And then he cooked and ate it. His

18:54hip bone. Yeah, this is sounding wrong now that I'm saying it. But it wasn't. There was some there must have been meat involved. How'd you eat a bone? Go on that. Okay, Norwegian conceptual artist Alexander Selvik Weng's whole boiled and. Weng's whole. Weng's whole. Weng's. Right. No, we would have something pretty easy for that, but both of us just bolted there. Well, is that Weng's? No. You got some Weng's? No, but I got a hole. Maybe you could deep fry deep fry my whole. Yeah, boiled and ate the meat from his own surgically moved hip bone. There you go. He did. And he said it tastes a lot like lamb and. Enough of meat. You know what? I don't I love lamb. Lamb is my favorite, but it's also one of the worst because it's like we're just eating baby. Yeah, picklet. We don't eat pork clut, do we? Or hoglet me and my hogs we go. Ebeck. Okay, no thoughts on that artist then. I think that's disgusting. You shouldn't be eating your own hip.

19:57It was so paired it with potato gratin and glass of wine. That's taking it. You know, yeah, I mean, you know what commit to it, I suppose. Don't just have it like commit to the hip. Commit to the hip. Also, is there any issue because obviously when you eat when you eat when cows mad cow disease as I understand it is when you get the kookyest cows in the world. What mad cow disease? Yeah, to be a mad cow. I know you want to. Yeah. Okay. Well, if you put yourself in the shoes of a giraffe, you're going to be pretty tall. This is the helmeted cock. We all got purple helmet. I didn't like that. Helmeted cock. I guess you can imagine what my Google's like after I was doing this research. But loads of non-circumstised penises. I don't have a foreskin. I don't really have any sort of helmet. I really actually don't like to come out your face. I know it's unfair, but I picture it and it makes me uncomfortable sincerely. The idea behind the helmeted cock is that the pig represents

21:01the noble steed while the cock, while the cock, resplended in military regalia, stands in for the gallant night errands. It is essentially functioned as a comedy male. There to delight the guests. First, after roasting both pig and poultry, staff the latter without skinning it and glaze it with egg batter. Second, sit the bird astride the pig and equip it with a glued paper helmet and a lance balanced on its breast. Finally, to add the finishing touches and put the royalty in the royal meat or royal meat. As it was known then, cover the lance with coloured leaf to signify the bird comes from noble stock. Gold or silver leaf should be the cock symbolises the Lord. Otherwise, white red or green tin. It's just a pig essentially. On top of that is a bird, which looks like it's riding the pig. It has a little shield, a little flag coming out of it and then a helmet on top of it. The bird is riding the pig into battle. Do you know about gilding? Do you know what gilder is?

22:04No, not really. My mum is gilder, where you basically paint things with fine gold leaf. I thought it was like church. That's what gilding is. Yeah, so I guess gilders would paint the chicken. My mum would go around with a real third-nance cousin. I think he's called Les and they would gild together. What? What are you talking about? Gold leaf is, yeah, gilding is putting gold leaf on something. Normally it's for church towers or gates. But someone is doing it for a chicken. This is what your mum would be doing. I don't know if she's done a cock and trees. But if she was in medieval times, she would be painting the chickens. Done a cock and trees. Comedy, your meals. Is there enough comedy, your meals? Your dad likes to do comedy meals, doesn't it? The pig is dead. The pig is dead. We'll be up there. It's up there. It's horrible. Horrible. This is what I had for boxing day. I thought it was quite delicious, actually. It looks horrible. There's a space for drama in food. There is a space. It should be exciting. Is that drama? It's more of a painting. The pig is dead. Evokes are feeling. There's not really a story. It evokes horror. It's kind of like the

23:06scream. It's like fucking what else has he done? He used to do a lot of I don't mean that there's not really a nice way of putting it, but he would put a lot of penises in the sausages and they kind of smiley faces. He makes smiley faces and cocks and he would also do the pig is dead. Pig is dead. Is that what you're calling drama in food? Smiley faces and cocks. It's not undermatic. What were you doing? You were just having beans in your room because your parents are getting divorced. If only they'd have made the effort like your dad did to make each other smile, then maybe they still be together. Is it better to not bother than make penises in your children's food? How old were you? Because I think there's something there's something a bit unsettling about the dad. Every meal's a penis. It's not not non-se. What's it saying non-se? Well, you brought it there yourself. The implication is there. It's child humor. I get it. I imagine you fucking loved it when he would make it. We were in the slapping. So what he would do like a sausage and then two tomatoes at the top of it. He would do like

24:10he would put it kind of have these potatoes. You know there's potato wedges that are shaped like smiley faces. He would grab them and then he'd also grab some sausages and then he would just make builds of erect towers. Yes. A erect penises. We're getting some territory there. I'm not sure about that. And then he would at some point he stopped doing that. I don't know why. But he probably because your mum had a word. Possibly. But for a while it was some of the happiest days of my life. I can imagine. I think any young boy would really have a good old mum. What is he doing? What is dad up to? The other thing he would do that would really make me think he was magical is you know when you have an empty bottle of beer and you blow in it and it makes you kind of I do that all the time. Me too but I used to not be able to and my dad showed me and I thought there's a real man. That's the end of the point. Yes. And finally for our food delicacies we've got Rodtee San Paixel which is 19th century France. It's bourgeois inventor, Alexandre LaBalte is a L'Orhan de Glimond de la Réne. Was the founding father of modern food criticism. At one point he

25:15also faked his own funeral to see who would turn up. But importantly for our investigation he created the Rodtee San Paixel which involved 17 birds. Gone. In order from smallest to largest the birds the recipe prescribed to be stuffed inside one another were this. A warbler into a bunting into a lock into a thrush into a quail into a law lapwing into a peover into a partridge into a woodcock into a teal into a guinea fowl into a duck into a chicken into a feson into a goose into a turkey into a busted. I'm a busted. I was born out of wedlock and my mom told me I was a lovely accident. Well you would have 16 birds stuffed in you. Now that seems like something that you'd love. I would kind I would love that to be honest because it looks like it's a Russian doll essentially of just full of birds and I just keep it be nice to finally get to them bird in the mid at the very start. Yeah. It's important to know where you come from. Yeah they don't

26:19actually stuff like all the bird it's not a whole bird stuffed in a whole bird stuffed in a whole bird it looks like that's so slice it and then you eat it kind of altogether. In that case I'm not interested. Okay but I'd also imagine like to fake you like to fake your own funeral as well. Definitely I have a friend who for her 30th was given a fake funeral and she was incredibly hungover and everybody dressed in black and did speeches and she was just there like a ghost at her own funeral and apparently obviously it's kind of self indulgent but also amazing to have that experience. If someone else throws it for you it's great. It's perfect. It's actually a great idea. It's like oh my god they do care about me. Yeah. I'm not a total fucking bastard. Slide your yours. Yeah well this is what you'd say at my funeral. Tell you what? Tell you what? Not the most formal stuff. We've been here and we've done this. He would have loved this. Why? This is fucking wicked. This is this is this charges. This

27:19mosque is unbelievable. I don't know what you know towards the end he started he really didn't we didn't even peg to sort of transition into a trans Muslim but by the end he really was like he kind of came into his own and although it took a long time for him to accept himself you know I'm all for it. Right and there's food in the corner. The corner of the mosque finger sandwiches in the mosque. Anyone wants one there's food in the corner. I will be there too stop but look sorry but I think I'd throw up with the idea of having 17 birds in one now it wouldn't be a little bit of a bother. I wouldn't like my Saturdays. That's light numbers for me Charlie 17 and one. Have you ever um so serious after that stupid joke? Have you ever considered the so in Tasmanogamy? No it's not Manogamy Andrew. Yeah. What is your stance with regards to kind

28:20of kissing you know is kissing multiple people at once a sin or can we it's I mean it can be a sin. Is it a sin against God or if you're if both people are cool about it if both people find me that it's that you ask it for money. Judgment or okay but you're a bit of a Bible a lot as a trans Muslim as a trans Muslim. What? I think trans Muslims it's hard to know what they'd say about that actually. Your question. My question is is it against God to kiss more yes maybe if you believe in the core tenors of the Bible probably yes. What about the other gods though? What other gods you always go to each religion and say whether it's a good or bad thing to kiss people more than once. I think Buddhism would be like you know what if it feels good go for it. Right let's talk about some cannibals let's get into some cannibalism. Cannibal! They should do that um this is the the the wari I might be pronouncing that wrong but it hasn't

29:21been in amazonia. The wari people of western brazil practice mortuary cannibalism as part of their funeral traditions viewing it as a way of showing respect and compassion towards the dead rather than seeing the body as something that should be preserved or buried they believe consuming it helps separate the deceased from the living and allow mourners to move on from their grief. Relatives and other members of the community would participate in the practice which was considered an important part of the mourning process. Well this might explain some of the dodgy sandwiches I've had at wakes wow really putting the finger into finger sandwiches at wakes. Oh no they've oh no they're created oh no they're cremating grandma we wanted a medium rare kev mud has got a bit how dare you ignore all of those. I'm not I'm not how dare you ignore all of them all of them all three Bosch Bosch Bosch. Absolutely. This podcast is just saying shit and they go kev mud's got weird fate and you still live in a house. What now all of those were

30:23absolutely floor fillers okay. The last one particularly I think the last one in particular yep and in response to that brilliant last one kev has got a bit a routine where apparently when if you think about it when grandpa is getting cremated there is a split second where he is perfectly dubbed yeah he tastes delicious. Delicious. Gray his meat is gray and it's kind of very it's actually not necessarily true though is it because he's probably been dead for a week or so. He's still perfectly cute you can still have perfectly good old meat. Depends on what he's been preserved. Do we keep dead people in fridges? I imagine probably a bit. They'll sting otherwise. Yeah. There's a mortuary cold. You'd hope so. I definitely hope so. I mean I'm I was bored where they now keep all their bodies. Yeah in UCL. Yeah yeah yeah they've changed the maternity ward to a death ward. What is it? Return. Eternity ward. Eternity ward yeah. But there you go that's what they do you know it might sound crazy but is it you know it's very Buddhist idea about like returning. Pardon? I'm agreeing with you. By shaking your head.

31:26And agreement I do it quite a lot. How is that a sign of a green fucking dream? Oh my god yes. This guy is one of the best guys. This guy I can't believe he gets it. Guys you know it's very Buddhist idea to return your kind of your natural elements to the soil and like you know you become part of the cycle of the world again. So in a way although it's horrible is there something quite nice about eating grandma? I think I get maybe my mom not granny. I think the other way your mom gets older will you be able to eat your mom? The idea of kind of eating old people really they do I mean it's not a unique take but they do start looking quite haggard by the end and their meat I imagine tastes like true shit like I can't eat. So it's about the quality of the meat. Yes yeah it's like I think I could probably have a stretch eat somebody up to the age of 60 but anything beyond that it's just gonna taste like I don't even know what that's it's just gonna taste really dust. I'm gonna have to eat a lot of olive oil. Yeah a lot of olive oil. Catch up on olive oil yeah. No I can't see what you mean so maybe it should be a practice reserved for you for flesh.

32:30Yeah I though there's some respect I guess in eating like there's something if you if grandpa tastes like shit and you eat it in many ways like well okay I respect you grandpa. But again it's not about the quality of the meal I know you're always thinking about how can I have a nice meal. How's that shit taste? But you know there's other things in the world that give me food now. So you know it's not about the taste it's about you know I it is a part of the morning process and in a way you know grandma's part of you forever now. Does shit are out there. What if you turn your grandma into one of these like a grandma and choice? Well when grandma and grandpa die together turn it into a cock and choice. Having with a lovely wine. There you go. There you go. Grandpa and grandpa and Mar. What is the power dynamic of eating someone are you ever because you found that guy that didn't you find that combination of guys who there was a guy who's a guy who's obviously the person who's eating the other one. Is that true though because it's like you're eating me. You're trying to reclaim power for victims of cannibalism. If I'm a voluntary victim of cannibalism yes I'm like oh you're fucking eating me you're

33:34the freak I'm just sati getting eaten but you're the fuck on the floor. And I'm going to be inside you forever. Who's in charge there if it's violent if it's all consensual. Absolutely insane question just want to let you know that from the top. Who's the top and who's the top and who's the bottom of the bottom. Obviously the eater. I'm not sure about that spiritually. I think you're saying because of that one instance I told you about where there was the voluntary victim of cannibalism. Well I suppose all the other ones that are happening mostly involuntary yes most people don't want to be eaten. I don't want to be eaten Andrew. Case and point. I just think that it's an interesting to consider the power dynamics of eating. Is that food in charge of me or am I in charge of the food? Maybe the burger's the boss of me Andrew. How often do you look at your plate and going I guess the vegetables are in control. Really but the meat always is. The meat's definitely in charge of the of the plate that's a hundred percent sure. The meat's in charge of me Andrew the meat is my boss why because it's like I don't know I just need like I if it's because you need it then it's in charge yes right but there's more than just the wari in amazon there's other amazon trees say wari

34:40wari also wari oh no please say wari also mario what does we got a two-dodd do about who am I eating right this immediately it's your aunt um so some indigenous groups in the amazon practice forms of ritual cannibalism involving enemies where consuming a person's body could be understood as a way of taking in aspects of their identity power or spiritual qualities rather than being motivated by hunger the practice was connected to beliefs about the relationship between the body the spirit and the community this all about community at the end of the day isn't it Charlie absolutely it's very important to me I mean as is family and sport in some societies eating an enemy could symbolically incorporate something of that person into oneself or help transform the relationship between victor and defeated these practices varied greatly between groups so it is important not to treat all amazonian cultures as having the same beliefs or customs we would never be victim of that we would never fall victim to that because if anything what we stand for is the truth behind

35:40the diverse nature and I did different tribes in the amazon absolutely of identity but it is an interesting idea if you eat someone you could get some of their own qualities yeah whose qualities would you like who are you going to eat if you if you had somebody out president Barack Obama good answer mother Teresa or which parts though his knob his big juicy knob chart you're not Charlie he's acting like me you're out to like him put a lid on it what about Rosa Parks maybe no pretty aggressive nodes of Rosa Parks no she's a lady Martin Luther King you know absolutely absolutely what about who's a pillar of the community just say someone we can move on Richard Coombs my vicar Richard Coombs yeah he sounds like a lovely guy and he also sounds like he peered nicely with a salad really thinking about it Richard Coombs salad we're talking about eating people was cannibalism Charlie what that was was a joke I see no I thought you meant you genuinely

36:41could put Richard in a salad he would be so confused in there but I'm meant to be in the pulpit not in the ball bit the way just the Paul you're just laying down train track as you're going to know I mean you're fucking same as me mate because you got your little iPad plan just create some dates for your calendar on the 4th of June it's US national cheese day on the 21st of October it's national Apple Day on the 18th of August it's rice day or otherwise known as Comno he and usually not type with egg festival in Argentina thank you very much right let's get into some food laws there's some laws on food well yeah obviously there is Charlie there has to be because otherwise we could just eat anything would life be better if we didn't have to eat would you if you could not eat yeah I'd much prefer that most of the time most of the time is nowadays eating as an inconvenience it's just like fuck me I often think constantly fuck me wouldn't it be nice if we didn't have to eat as much if we did like once a day would be great because you put it away and then you're just

37:41you you can clean up here we go again oh yeah now I'm gonna have to make sure that's why the joy of batch cooking is great because you're like oh I just have to chuck it in the microwave for the next time and that is wonderful Charlie but is that gonna be your subway take if you batch cooking is good because you can put it the bike way that's done 100% for 100% don't care but yeah it's just fucking relentless isn't it just too much eating we don't this I would like to be able to eat less I tell you about my my pitch for subway takes yeah yeah it was fucking horrible absolutely I tell people about it say yeah I do that's nasty it's a bit I said I told you about this man no I pitched to Karim that I got he does it really need a toilet and he said that he just did his pitch to Karim yeah was that I if I was on it which he could have ended up on it by the way but he decided he decided that his pitch was I need toilet mini toilet hey you just can save that the whole time I really really need toilet let's try it so what should you take me me really need to toilet me me need poopy 100 I can't I don't know if I don't know

38:47100% agree I guess I believe you I really do you know is it allowed can I need that I need the toilet really badly right now you're not you're not you're not how I was like I need the toilet desperately I mean well then do you this do you genuinely want to stop filming go all right I mean you can get for the next stop if you want you've done it you've done it if you push yourself you shut yourself now that's what you that's what you want to do stuff like but now my my chair I'm gonna change it they're Andrew oh right like when I see him again I'm gonna try another one what's the other one the other one I you know I don't know if I want to do it I think I might save it say I want to hear it it's I don't think we should use toilet paper in the West it's it's so like it's so clearly unclean if I got shit on my arm am I gonna get some paper I'm getting in the bath now I'm getting in the bid a day I'm getting in the bid a yeah I'm like I'm not fucking fanning about and he's gonna be like 100% agree um but onto the food laws um so here's

39:50a list of some bitty pretty odd food laws right from from around the world and back in the day some of them still around now you can believe it I don't believe you it is illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your back pocket where I've not written down where uh the rule allegedly started to prevent horse these from luring horses away with treats in that pocket with somewhere in America oh so you don't want to do that anyway because it'll kind of crust and flake in your that's true the fact that this became a law suggests that some fucking Americans are so stupid gross and do you imagine them walking about with their little eyes they're Mr. Whippy in their pocket just put just eat it why is there saving one for later it's like an overly washed um nut why I'm not answering that fucking question she was you're answering that question no I'm not answering the question no the answer no I'm no 500 why is it like an I'm not saying no why is it like an overly washing up no answering it don't answer it answer it because it'll flake and you shouldn't

40:52make me do that I honestly thought you went like a pistachio and I didn't know what the fuck you were talking about but what you're actually referencing is the fact that you saw a bull doctor and they said stop washing them so aggressively because it's flaking off number two no walking back with the fair is not flaking is just itchy is that I want to make that very abundantly clear there's no flake so the other time uh number two no walking back why have I not written any of these no I have in in Ohio Mariano Hio it is illegal to walk backwards with a doughnut well why it may resemble an anus and you will be a victim of uh that's true because you'll be a victim of uh yeah uh uh uh but there's not even sexual assault in many ways that'll be a great way to catch rapists by walking backwards with a doughnut fuck me that's what we should get bobby's on the beat walking backwards of the doughnut bobby's on the bum having peace of as is walking backwards with a doughnut to catch rapists is a brilliant idea hi wasn't my bum it was a doughnut and then the doughnut clamped down on their penis chief big bum

41:57no chuck map we're gonna throw it off to map what did you just say uh i said that they really the doughnuts though so it wouldn't uh yes because please obviously like doughnut well they can eat it having it had it bum I suppose really is the fucking dream team in here isn't it um in Massachusetts you won't allow to eat more than three sandwiches at a wake now why might that be Charlie i guess it's just inappropriate wake behavior to just scoffloads of ham it's just you can't if you're really grieving you shouldn't be that hungry i you're kind of loving it whenever i agree whenever i'm at a wake i'm always starving but you never just definite me hungry it's more the sense that i can't eat now because otherwise everyone will think what that's exactly what i'm always really hungry for some reason awake because obviously it's obviously my often with travel there's like the funeral can be a bit long and then you travel there to the wake and it's like i'm always fucking starving but you can't pick out you were a lot of wakes before maybe i think i've only been to two and i was hungry at both of them yeah every wake i've been hungry it's the wake that open cast no no it's just the

42:59can be it's the party after no it's not the wake is the odd it can be at a wake no wait no it can't be yeah because you're you're in the wake of their body what i suppose what are you talking about the wake is you're in the wake of the funeral the guy the ripples the ripples of death have of parted and there's sandwiches now but don't either the wake yeah the wake is where the like the party after the funeral you don't have the open casket because you're hopefully fucking buried them or burnt them or just don't burn the sandwiches that's all i ask so maybe you should be eating dead relatives then oh exactly so fucking hungry because we're hungry give me a slice of grandma oh i can't imagine anything else no clinking glasses for toasts in hungry excuse me no clinking glasses for toasts in hungry yeah you thinking of toast as in bread i was now stop thinking of that and do the other toast do i am i really telling you what a toast no you're not toast cheers to god there you go so you're not allowed to clink glasses in hungry it's a 19th

44:01century cultural taboo discouraged clinking beer glasses together now why i know the answer to this one but you have to tell me why just make cute smashing them making a racket making a racket map i'm sure when gone there and people are doing it well you he hangs out with some pretty undesirable folk that you do yeah you were probably you still in the big your social faux pas fine broke yeah i tune up too noisy too noisy again incorrect is it to do with i mean i guess hungry just people yeah everyone's a bit few me hungry because they're all hungry and hungry i think so children's podcast it stems from an era when Australian generals celebrated executing hungarian revolutionaries by clinking glasses who's politically insensitive do you know why we cheers you're aware of the reason i told you they didn't just said it we didn't tell me first i did tell you know i told you first because i just didn't remember the look i just didn't remember the look in your face i'm sorry did didn't tell me really you've had that imaginary conversation

45:03is so you get a little bit if you drink in each other's glass to show you have me i told you that i told you that i told you that i told you that first i think i said you already know that everybody knows that what it's talking about haggis is banned in the us god hates haggs god the fuck Scotland's national dish is a leap too important to the us in its traditional form do one traditional haggis i'm going to go down to London and see what all the f**k is your boat i like it a usda regulation dating back to the 1971 prohibit sheep lungs one of haggis's essential ingredients for being solely human consumption on sanitary grounds so the Americans think they're too good for a bit of lung nobody's too good for a bit of lung and you damn right you're you're our scotch correspondent what do you think about this i think this is fucking good riddens they don't they don't you know they want the Americans to have haggis they got everything else fuck off they also make haggis disgusting they would haggis is a wholesome dish belonging in the field way up there i agree you know they talk about our food all the time but you know they do

46:04they do they bust they bastardize our but are some of the stuff we're great at like f**king mustard they describe djon mustard is very spicy f**king laughable f**king laughable they have no idea what they're on about they haven't got a clue also they're you know they think haggis is bad for them guns don't kill people andrew haggis does calling the Americans they're calling to the silly Americans f**k off f**k off um so all of these are kind of like archaic laws that you know just haven't been changed throughout time because no one really follows them anyways but they still kind of exist so i had a film idea and it's the opposite of the purge but it's so all of those laws every law is heavily enforced for a day so it all of those archaic redundant laws are then enforced that's good i think it's actually quite a good idea for one day yeah what happens just everybody's in the name you'll get like thrown in jail for having ice cream we're all in the clinky for donuts yeah and you have to reserve every law you get thrown in the clink what do you think you're gonna get nick for them what law to be honest i haven't looked into too many okay so i'm just gonna have to say eating peanuts in church okay let's discuss some crazy diets

47:09they might even be called mad oh my god tell me everything good day this is the tapeworm diet as discussed on a previous podcast people supposedly encourage to swallow tapeworms or tapeworm containing pills so the parasite would absorb some of their food or historical advertisements for the idea although evidence that people actually purchase and use tapeworms on a large scale as limited so that's a bit of nuance for you there on this podcast which is rare for us it is rare we're pretty um so there's been a couple of bits of nuance in this research this this this time around and this time you'll notice well that's because there's so new ones i think it's kind of a painting i would only accept a tapeworm diet if the tapeworm had auxiliary benefits or ancillary benefits whatever the word is so like you know if he's got if he's got like financial if he's a financially savvy tapeworm martyre what i'm into it i like that he's tweeting from my ass oh anus he's tweeting from your ass he's telling me ship he's like telling me it's kind of hard to hear

48:09because he's inside my bum i imagine the sound doesn't carry perfectly unless he kind of uh i don't know to be honest there's those headphones that could stagger me absolutely stagger me if you put the one like your temple at the bone inductor ones yeah and then it vibrates and you can hear it perfectly yeah yeah it's fucking insane but i'm always like just you don't need them swimming no but i'm just swimming is the magical thing you don't need to listen to music while she do it that's true all right just swim dallai llama no but like it's like meditation isn't it? yeah but if you swim as i did previously like three times a week i don't need that meditation i would kind of like to listen to something like that and it's just sound not quite muffled in the water anyway even if you get good head then there can it be as crisp as a tyrell uh sorry which headphones the induction headphones any headphones yes it is a bit more muffled every time what's the fucking point every time we've come up with these time we've come up with you with that why have you introduced the induction one she'll be you said any you know what i mean so i'm trying to be facetious i'm not on to me fucking honestly and sort out your little mark

49:15what now why have they not sorted out a way where it's perfectly audible every time you're in the water what the fuck we've got like self-driving cars and geyser and space i think you could probably buy very good underwater headphones thank you but there might be something about i don't know i i just don't know it's it if you don't know just say i saying it as i'm saying it you're telling me to say what i'm saying interestingly enough Andrew we've got some more diet stuff happening uh then we got the sleep and beauty diet if you're asleep you can't eat the diet involved prolong sedation so people could sleep through periods when they otherwise would have eaten it was associated with serious risk from sedatives and malnutrition don't hate the idea no it's kind of a to be honest it's kind of a cure for anything sleeping like nothing can happen to me if i'm asleep it's peace finally yes yeah the abyss just fucking sedate me and then i don't have a fucking deal with anything that is the only kind of peace that i think truly depressed people get is probably that mini window between yeah waking sleep 100% or a bit like i just want you know lucid dreaming as

50:16i've said many times the best point of life is that bit in the morning when you're a bit awake but mostly asleep and you're like in your dreams and you're kind of just floating about in your consciousness evening your morning morning interesting i think because it happens to me in the morning it doesn't really happen of the bit where you're like on your way to sleep and you're just kind of your thoughts it's so magic when your thoughts you're you're conscious you're thinking but those thoughts just get lifted a bit it is magic and then you're slowly like they're becoming something different and then you know and you only realize it when you catch yourself there's something weight you up and you're like fuck me where i want to get back immediately to where i was and what i live there can we have a quick song that represents that feeling in that state please down the there thinking my way to sleep finding myself in there i'm gonna drift off into that peace i hope to find you there she doesn't love you anymore she doesn't love you anymore so it's not like a nightmare coming in yeah

51:17okay um Andrew that's something that was very good i'll give you a beat box i'll give you a beat and then you can come in when you remember it and then you'll wrap what you were gonna say like keep it i don't know what a fags machine all right well fuck it sat that off then that was absolute yeah i don't know you were doing that and like no that's fine please what did you want i wanted you to wrap with it okay just do like i always do like i feel silly i should be wrapping not i made me look silly ready let's go again um start anytime you want my account anytime you want my accounton he's done too much counting and now he gone and made retire what the fuck is all kind but he's so boring and he will feel my wrath so your point was that your accountants retiring and he's boring so you want to kill him

52:18that's what you wanted to bring up no Andrew you made me uh which seems like a wonderful time to munch away into uh patreon valley gobble gobble gobble the valley and that's way luddyscoffing their face with everything but you know the vegetables as well as burgers so it's they just go all the food out they've cooked a man his car his carcass is over there but no but there's no authority here in the police police left a long time ago did it get dead guy on it yeah so was ever we're going to take a question uh from a member of the patreon valley which could be you if you subscribe to it me yeah i suppose you could post a note if you want if you really want i don't think i want fair enough ask myself enough questions as it is such as what's the point okay so we've actually we haven't got a single question we've got a few different requests for the same thing which is uh your famous salmon curry recipe so could you take us through how to make your infamous salmon curry right okay everybody listen

53:21what you do is you need a pot and it needs to be big and you take your salmon rub it up put it in the oven crisp it rub it up of what whatever you want to be honest any spice no that's not a recipe no it is no you can't just say rub it up with whatever you want rub it up what do you rub it up with i rub it up with with cumin i'm a human human and i'm cumin i'm gonna cumin oh fuck i'm cumin that's why i say when i rub it up you just just cumin just cumin salt pepper bit of salt maybe some shugs shug night good night salmon you're gonna come out hot i can't believe like it's such a key part of a recipe to say rub it up i don't need you rub it up guys it depends what you're listening to literally just gonna rub it with their hand and put it in that's what's going to happen you need to be specific with them cumin salt sugar whatever you want and then just whack it in the oven no i mean you look at it for a bit and say we got make good tank and then whack it and then you put it in the oven do you put it in foil you're putting any butter in the oil

54:23you put some foil and now it'll stick to your grill it at this point it's just me doing no sir do you cover it do you cover it with foil or do you leave it in the oven too if you're gonna be a tight ass if you're gonna be a job's worth then put it on any herbs any butter just this isn't a roast this is a curry so yeah get that salmon sorted right i would just say thus while your recipe has been rub the salmon and put it in the oven rub the salmon then salmon's getting crispy in there then in a big pot tomato coconut water water other spices maybe some onion tomato coconut water water what man you some onion onion so you're not taking us through the steps it's just like put that all in a pot i can't be the one there to hold your hand with it i just telling you what you are delivering what your recipes i know guys look salmon curry look salmon rub it up put it in the oven for a bit then tomato coconut water oil onion and then put that all there bring the salmon out start mashing it up get it in the big pot mash it off and then

55:26yeah just cut it into pieces okay fine and then um go and tell your housemates it's ready but it's ready and that you've got something very good to show them get them in the kitchen tell them guys wait so hold on the the core ingredients of the curry is water coconut water tomato and onion and salmon with some rub on it and then for pudding oh my god you're good with and honey oh yeah well that sounds fucking awful um and now it's time to chop our way into pieces past you i've spoo full a salmon that makes our rub go round as everyone gonna finish with a couple of pieces about the topic of the week which this week is food and this week is no different as we do that this is my piece it's called food and as we commit her soul to the fires of the beyond we remember Glenda there's a grandmother a mother a daughter a sister and a friend and as is our custom to wash her out to material existence i now ask each of you to come forward take a piece

56:29of Glenda and eat her honoring her passing into the eternal by physicalising her within ourselves for she shall not be unbound nor mod without inhabiting each and every one of us and we shall gain not only peace within grief but a piece of Glenda within ourselves so yes now please one by one please yes come on pennies of peace of Glenda come yes yes wonderful bless you like wonderful yes tune yes my condones is shared very good feel her spirit time reveals yes yes now you thank wonderful yes go forth with Glenda and now you Charlie yes yes please come on to the alternate piece of the grandmother Charlie as it is wished come up Charlie please step forward Charlie Charlie come here and eat your grandma i won't come on Charlie this is ridiculous i've saved you a leg i will not and on what authority do you deny the sacred practices of our people oh my own authority i don't want to eat grandma eating her is not an expression of love

57:31nor it is a vehicle for passing into the outer world it is a perversion of her body and thus a perversion of God i refuse it i refuse it this this this practice we call godly is the work of a devil a devil that masquerades as the light look at what we do look at it and tell me but search your hearts before you do that this is divinity now this is witchcraft i ache for each and every one of our ancestors who suffered the same rights their memories blurred by our perverted practices i implore us all to look to see these are not the behaviors of a faithful flock

58:42but the shepherd beckons us to his pasture too long we accepted the shadow of darkness this is cast upon us all but all we must do to remedy this is to step into the light faster mother sister i'm each each and every one i beg you to hear and follow me onto a new path out of the night of the forest and into the sun of the field okay hold on down boys no no no no no you cannot force me i will not disgrace her name we are so we are so oh my god she's delicious are there any bingo wings left

59:51and when he tasted his grandma he didn't want a single piece of her to go to waste she just like chicken pay us a sauce and there you go an important piece and important piece grannies can be yummy grannies can be yummy grannies you know maybe we should eat them anyway because it might be nice it might not just be about you know honoring them sometimes things can just be fucking tasty i mean i guess it is interesting to think about how humans would taste over their age thank you for your peace i've written a piece as well and these are our seven pork high cues for my sausage queens pork power couple mr. and Mrs sausage that's what they call us ten chip of letters we had them all in one go then we had ten more ten chip of letters and he held up five fingers i am i'm not eating that it's all pink in the middle

1:00:58just like you and me okay not we're not panicking we're just careful with me there's a big difference one situation where you're in where someone's getting confused between you panicking and being barbecue so you're like over cooking the meat under cooking it arguably over cooking it i got slow cooker 72 hour park those nails come close life's like a short life's like a sausage long yummy and dangerous never to be rushed yeah pig i love you tons but not as much as i love eating cumbulans thank you magical pieces about sausages because sausages are a fertile ground for philosophy and thought

1:02:00absolutely i mean they're magic they're magic the other sausages made you want to hit the other sausages are eight and i'd love to see that um what have we learned this week Charlie well we learned a fucking shit loads actually Andrew the boat ton we've learned a boat ton to be honest we've learned that um the can there is a spatial cannabidism in our society and uh we should all probably get off our high hires and start eating our fangirls and bloody chuck it in the oven exactly eat up bases of lesson eat up as mpick no no good eating loads of stuff very good okay yeah i think we've learned that um well we didn't touch on it but there's a a die called breatherianism which is basically where you just eat breathing which is my favorite thing i've maybe ever heard on this podcast that we didn't talk about but i need you guys to know check it out go home and look at it and you won't be learning this podcast i've learned um that food can come in all shapes and sizes and who are we to judge most of the time and you know we

1:03:03might find some things vulgar that you know some people that maybe vulgarity is just honesty in food to be honest because fundamentally it's shoving in other animals and dead plants into our mouths so we can continue on living on this fucking terrible earth yeah so we're polishing your turd you might as well so fucking chickens and lambs together who gives a fuck everything's fucked anyway love you Charlie see you next week