Botox & Bangs w/ Steph Tolev

0:00Hey Spotify listeners, when you travel with American Airlines you'll enjoy comfort and convenience at every altitude. Before takeoff unwind in the Admiral's Club lounge with curated self-serve offerings of hearty vites and refreshments. In flight stay connected with high-speed Wi-Fi, sponsored by AT&T. Your journey is designed to feel easy from the moment you check in to the moment you arrive. No matter where you're going, American gets you there. But now at AA.com. Yeah, we've been going, right? Yeah, we've been. That's what I like about this pond. Sometimes we have a formal start. Sometimes half the shit we said. Obviously the stuff we said won't be in, won't be in. And then what Vito is doing now. Vito is, by the way, Vito has gotten into his vehicle. And it looks like he's going to drive his car through the back of me and staff. That's it, baby. Why don't you undercover gay guys know what you're going to do today? You're getting drunk. Because you know what it is, staff? I think you and I share something in common. We both are straight, but people think we're gay. For different? That's what I didn't realize you got that much.

1:01Oh, yeah. No, that's people. I mean, go look at my Instagram, you know, comments, anything you want. You will find one that says you're gay. Of course they'll say the nice F word. They'll throw that on with a lot of twos. But they like it though. But they're not saying to me, they're saying because they want to fuck you. Well, I don't know. The thing is with me. The thing is with me is what I've done is I've went to the sources. I've went to the Mateo lanes. I've went to these guys and I said, am I gay? And all the gays have said you're not. Am I gay? I'm not gay. And have you went to the Queens? Have you went to Jessica Kierzen? Have you went to the Lesbos? No, I've tried it. I've gone. Oh, okay. No, I've eaten pussy. Okay. I've gone. I've gone. As a vibe. Well, let's do it. We need to make sure. No, I was gay for a bit. Interesting. So here's the thing though with women what I do feel like is women can go gay and come back. And it's very fluidy. I kind of feel like if a guy, if you suck a cock, you can't theoretically come back but you are gay. I feel there's, I don't know what, I kind of agree with that but I don't want to.

2:01Right. I do agree with that as well but I don't think that's fair. Yeah, like Ian Findance and I are very good friends. And there's been times that I brought this up to him because obviously he's openly bisexual. I said you're gay and which is fine except you know and he's like, no, I'm not a bisexual. And then I'll show him the picture of him in a dress and a momo and he'll say, you know what I am. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I'm a big, I don't want to be a mule. I'm a big, I don't want to be a mule. Yes. I feel like you're using examples of people who suck a lot of cock. No, you're not using like a light example. Yeah, I spoke a one time college tip when in like you mean. When I spoke to Jim I was like, you know, what do you just kidnap your gay, you strayed by sexually. He's like, I don't know, I said, well, obviously you're open about it. You know, your wife has a penis. I would think that that makes you gay and you're like, beautiful. And he was like, you know, I would say, yeah, I'm probably gay. But you're not gay as a woman you're a bisexual. I think I'm straight. You're straight now. Now I think I, I think they dipped in because like most women go this way sometimes I feel like because they're not, they hate men so bad. I was hating men so badly.

3:01I'm like, I can't be with one. I must be with this. And then when you went to that, where you like, you know what, when the suck too, let's go back. No, I was just like, I'm not, I'm not feeling like I did with a man. Right. Listen, and I respect that what I respect about the world we live in now is try, whatever you want to do. Oh, we also don't be cares. Let me suck a pussy, suck a tip. No one knows. Now you're one of the, you're a person. You're a woman that I really like and admire. I like your comedy and I like, I find myself laughing at you even though you have bangs. A lot of people, I don't like people with bangs. I don't like men with bangs. Right, but women with bangs, but you pull off bangs nicely and I really think your hair style is cool. Thank you. It's the whole hair. Bangs, whatever a man has bangs, I always, I'm like, you killed somebody with a bit of suitcase. It's weird. Everybody on the first of the class has bangs. I'm like, why do men have bangs? Because you imagine if we're doing this podcast and I'm adjusting my bangs. If you had bangs right now, I would have here. You would eat something. I'm not joking if you were combing your bangs because I walked up to the trunk. I'd be like, we're already the trunk. This is bad enough. Now you're combing your bangs. I actually gave you this.

4:01Yeah, you said something very funny. As you were walking into the podcast, you said, my nose doesn't fit in this city. And that was very funny. Because I'm his piss. I'm selling piss. I haven't stopped. I was standing in piss. I will say I was standing in piss. And notice, it's too much piss. Too much piss. Now, what Canadian city are you from? Toronto. So Toronto's obviously New York. Pisteless. Pisteless. I would never, I've never smelled piss like this. Also, in this area, we're at what? Madison and... Madison and 20 Sotem Street. This is a nice area who's pissing businessmen. Yeah, no. Who's keeping here. Nice areas. Yeah. Is it not nice? Well, we're the nice hotels aren't. Right. I'm the one with the Garmin District. I'm an arrow square as a nightmare. Yeah. Everything you've been telling is can. I know the New York that you've come into, which is very nice. This is kind of nice. You kind of went back in time, because this is the New York our moms and dads you to tell us about. Because we grew up, I was born in 84, so I'm 42. So I grew up in a New York city. Look, there's nobody in this car. Weimo. Oh, there is a guy in the car. What the hell? There's a guy in the car. Yeah, why is he driving? What are we? Weimos do here?

5:01That guy stole a Weimo. You guys can't have Weimo's in the city. They cannot be here. You guys, you know what? That's crazy. I've never seen an actual person driving a Weimo. He must have stolen that Weimo. It's fine. You guys can't have Weimo's here. So this is the New York that our moms and dads told us about. Yes. That kind of is a bit dangerous, a bit pissy. A bit pissy. We grew up in a very, very, very soft New York veto and I grew up. So now we're starting to see it again. So it's interesting, because you came from a big city like Toronto, Toronto. And you're saying that you kind of, it doesn't feel like this. I mean, it just, I guess, I don't know. I just feel it's pissy, it's all. It kind of feels like this. I also, I want things to come from New York. No one thinks if I'm Toronto. You have to come here. And I'm like, I don't know what app here. Right. I ordered the worst sandwich. I was late. I had to go up and I couldn't swallow. I needed water. What, what, what, what's your name? I ordered an egg and bread and no cheese, no sauce. I don't know what I was eating. I was so angry. Here's the thing. I'm gonna stress that I can't order. It was a little Mike's coffee shop. Everyone's like, excuse me. I'm like, oh eggs. And then I freaked out. Hings and bread, nothing else?

6:01Disgusting. I could not swallow it. I had to go out and have water. That's with the box of water. Hings and bread, I would have been like, what are you fucking? I'm a schlap. I think I, I well people think I am honest with the way. You have to flavor, you have to flavor the sandwiches with the grease of the bacon. Please, is this bacon a haircut right now? Most likely, yes. Is this going to do the TikTok? Is this a huge TikTok? I don't know if it's on TikTok, but it's just what it's come to. Oh, I'm waiting right back. Well, there it is. So that's good. So that's nice to see our brothers from MS-13 kind of, you know. Yeah. Yeah, there it is. But yeah, there it is. The other guy's loving it. This guy's cutting to the give a fuck. Oh yeah, he'll have sex with you. He'll buy you an exact. Yeah. He'll know it with some fucking mustard on that one. Jesus Christ. So, okay. So, steps here. When the chaos bus getting banged with podcasts is what we call this. You want. I know it's very bizarre. Why would you call it that? My life's like a cheat. Ask me to excite something about it. No, no, no, no, no. It is Chrissy K. It is Chrissy K. It's in the bank. No, not the bank bus, the chaos bus getting banged with podcasts. Ah. So, I know, I know. Those are the worst ports. Yeah. You got him to stop and look.

7:01There it is. You can't. You can't hurt you. Oh no. Oh no. No, no, no. The bang, that, the, to me that's the grosses one. That's the casting couch. Yeah, I don't love them. The bang was, I'm also like, I get car sick. Oh, I'm too much. I'm like, sucking and I be sick as hell back there. What are you saying? My favorite point star is actually, again, this is, I guess, another checkmark in the gate. My favorite point star, the point that a category that I go to look is a, is a male point star. Owen Gray. I think he's the best. You're a game in. I don't know. Yeah, I think we saw that. You don't go, don't call him a day, oh. No, I'm a tail. Say no. No, I'm a tail. No, I'm a tail. Say no. Because, Mateo said it's not a point you're going in because you like the way he makes love to women. That's not a game. You're in two. Yeah, you want to take it. Come on, get in here. Oh, no, no, no. You come all the way around. That's it. Yeah, come all the way around. Oh. That's it. What we do here at the Presbyter's Funds. You know, we appreciate that, you know, we support his special needs community. Yeah. Oh, here he is. There he is. He's coming in. Look at us.

8:01Come on. You should tell him, by the way, you'll make your dad and your fans. Yes, yes, yes, yes. That's it. All right. Happy healthy day. Happy healthy day, baby. Bye. Go Judaism. We love it. Yeah. Big fans. Not her though. Just so you all know, he's got a plastic bag with something wet in his pocket. And most likely, he's done that guy's problem with sod and he's put some type of agent on my hand. Yeah, there's something. There's something. There it is. No. No, are you Jewish, Italian, Italian, Italian, Italian, Italian? I'm Bulgarian. Bulgarian, the Bulgarian splits a lot. Are you Bulgarian? My wife's Russian. Okay. Okay. You are nodding. I got excited. You were easier beating than people. Well, let me tell you something. First of all, shout out to Bulgarian. Shout out to split squat. One of the best work out the Bulgarian split eat. I pull my back so bad doing that. It's one of the hardest ones. You're Bulgarian. This is your favorite. That's what I thought. Yeah. I've served my country poorly. So let me ask you this. How about this? Eastern Europe, which again, growing up was all, you know, down in the dumps. Everyone's going to go to Eastern Europe. Bulgaria. Romania. Poland. Everybody wants to go to this part of Europe now. People are saying, do they?

9:03Yeah, well, Bulgaria. Well, they're saying that Eastern, no, maybe it's not Bulgarian. It's Hungary. That's what it is. All right, buddy. No one going to Bulgaria. And they were. It's Hungary. Oh. I'm like, trust me. I have to. No. Have you been there to Bulgaria? I want to go, but it's like very poor culture. But I need to go. Why don't we go to Bulgaria? Why don't we set up a comedy show in Bulgaria? Who are other Bulgarian comedians that we do? I don't know. I don't even. There's got to be somebody else. There is. I don't know a single Bulgarian. You're going to be in Bulgaria. You're going to be in Russia? Yeah, it's over there. There he is. There is eating food. Yeah. Bye. I'd love you to away. He said dies. I got in. I don't know what. I'm on tires. Yeah. This season, every season, tires, but this season, especially. It's so good. I mean, come on. It's so good. Fucking knock out. Was that the most fun ever filmed? It was so fun. It was. Well, the director is amazing. He's such a chill, good director. Good director. Yeah. I don't know if you've ever filmed something where you know like your first take was so fucking bad. Like dog ass. I'm like, I'm just reading lines.

10:04I was saying to them. And he just had a way of being like, hey, believe it's right like this. But I knew he was like, that was shit. Yeah. But just read it. But he doesn't make you feel better. No. I feel like that was a chore, whatever, I fucked up. But okay, remember I just said, I, you said your Michael was going into your asshole and I went, I had a dream last night that there was a cutout scene or a scene from tires that I forgot about. It was so vivid, it was me and Stavvy and there was a man bending over in his pants came down and his butthole puckered. And I was like, what is that? And then me and Stavvy were like reading the lines. He's like, and Stavvy's going like this, going through the script going, I don't remember this part, and he's reading it and he's killing the lines. But this guy's asshole is like opening and closing. Why is this my dream? That's puckered, Anus, and it was a gaping, he had like a plug in it. Well, here's the good news is, you know, John McKeever, if he watches the podcast, I hope you do, John, we have season five, we have a season five code. Yeah, we've got to talk people, and we need somebody, I care to have an open asshole. Yeah, there he is, look at these guys, there he is, that's it buddy. Hi. Absolutely, another bear.

11:04Another bear. Yeah, a lot of fans, I mean, you know what, you know what, you kind of ask, you kind of ask, you can't be catching it. One of that, one of the people I'm talking about, but it's also more because I wanted to cut, you know, because what is the thing in comedy nowadays, crowd work, and I do the crowd work, but I don't want to force it, but I figured, let me do the show, let me do being like, yes, and then if people come by, it's a natural, some natural moments happen, sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. But also too, I said to myself, you know what, what the hell am I paying for a studio for, just doing the trunk here at damn color? It's a nice car. Thank you. You clean it a lot? Yeah, well, I'm a dog. Yes, a Siberian hustler. I was just gonna get, I was just gonna get Husky. Wow. I saw the Harris. You said I was just gonna get, for any of the things. I was just gonna get Husky. Yeah, you've got a gay Husky? Do you ever know what I did have a golden shoes? Oh, that's, I'm sorry, she passed away, she passed away six and a half, very sad. So I know, I know that's why I saw the Harris. Well, I'm sorry to hear that now. Yes, sir. When your dog passes away, she's the dog you have in shadow around. Do you, are you gonna, do you want to get another dog? I have to. I'm unwell. This just happened, like three of my,

12:04I'm wearing a necklace, and it says Susan, someone sends me a message. So I'm just Josephine, I love, I love, see I have things in common, I like people who name their pets funny, my name is Josephine. I'm a nice dog, I'm a baby Barb. Yes. I'm like upset. Yeah, it's, how long do I dog for? You're gonna go, oh no, only year. My kids, my kids wanted me to get one. We have to get one kids. I gotta get one kids. Nice ball, dude, rocking hot. Oh yeah, that was good. Yeah, good, good, good. I like it, I like it, I like it, listen. But is it, but is it, let me see this, is it two things? Was it two things? That was a little thing. My fiance is like, pretty easy, good jacked with. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, yeah. Yeah, it's so bad, but, but it'd be okay if he had a little bit of fire. I would, I would love it, I wouldn't feel so self conscious. Right, so it's gonna be a little bad. Women, women don't need, they don't want to show it. I like looking at that. But that to me, that guy is gonna be running for his whole life. Right. I don't have time for that. Right, right, yeah, and it's like, what are you running from? We know the answer, we know what it is, we don't have to call him a tail for that. You know, are you okay? Cause we don't walk away from the park

13:04I don't know what's going on. He stressed out. We got things like we're scheduling things out. Oh yeah. Oh wow. Vito's got a baby, Vito's got a million things going on. My sister's about to go to labor any minute actually. Well, if there's an opportunity, if she goes in the lab, can we get her on FaceTime? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't go in film. We all go in film. Yeah. She would love a live, let's go live. We have her been in a live birth. No, she really want, I might be though, because I'm going home on Monday to see the newborn. I don't like them this bit, they're too wet when they come out. Yeah, they are wet. That's a very good description. That head is all misshapen. They have a clip clip on this stomach. The whole thing goes to me. I need them to be like a month, two months person. You saying there what, there he is. Oh, look at him. Oh, that's right. I know that guy. Hey, Vito. Holy shit. Look at this. Come on, get a park. This is hilarious. This is hilarious. That's hilarious. Look, you know, Vito? Oh, I know, Vito. I went to college with Vito. That guy's insane. Insane. I can't believe it. Tell him to come on. Wait, let's do some more time in there.

14:05No, but I'm saying, but tell him. I'm saying, text him. Tell him to come on. OK, OK. You have a little piece, phone number. Yeah, I went to college with him. Oh, he's been sound. Well, let's see. My age, 42. No, he's fine. He looks 68. 42, while he's, well, he's had multiple near-death experiences, snorted fentanyl. He's been the steroids since we're 12. Oh, that's why you never grew anymore. Yeah. By the way, I just got a Tesla. You did? Let me tell you something, Seth. Do you have a car at home? I have a Tesla. Charging station in my garage. Do you have a Tesla? No. OK, let me tell you something. I know. I know. I'm straight. I swear. Uh-huh. Honey, let me tell you about a Tesla. I thought of Phil Gay. I want to drive a car, man. Putting this Tesla in self-driving, for what we do, going on the road or driving to do spots, the amount of mental energy you get back, there have been, maybe I've had this Tesla for two weeks. I've written like five minutes in the car. Really? I'm not paying attention. I'm just letting it drive doing it. Yeah, I know. I'm paying attention.

15:06I can feel it. I'm paying attention. OK, OK. So my first posting is a real post? Well, no, no, no. What you're doing is you can talk to Groc. You know, the chat is Groc. So you talk to Groc. So I'm like, hey, let's work this joke out together. And again, I'm not having to pay attention to the road or my feet. I'm not doing the pedals. Well, I'm driving. I'm not even thinking. But you're like, oh, my God. I have to put your foot down. I am on telling you. We have Tesla then. Step. I'm telling you about that. If you have a Tesla charging station being a Groc, what kind of car do you drive? Super. Back. Super? Out of the way. Oh, right. Super. All right. That's what you said. Yeah, yeah. Not a lesbian though. Yeah. Yeah. That's like me. What kind of car do you drive? I drive a car. See? You might be gay. I feel like this is like, is this your coming out moment? I feel like no. Well, what it is is, even my wife was like, you're a Tesla. I was like, yeah, it's great charging for the environment. She's like, what? She was just like, I was a given her to get gas and ceramic gas and she's looking at me like, you're the guy. Yeah. That's the thing with my life is she's old school porter. We can go from Brooklyn to she's not in. OK, she's asking you. She's like, pro women feminist, but she's a little old school.

16:08She's a little bit like, just be a fucking guy. I think all of them still have that. Yeah, she's like, were you still up with the environment? She's like, what are you talking about? She's like, even like when I'm playing with the kids, if I'm like, you know, my daughter the other day, I was like, hey, honey, you know, you can't, you know, she was doing something in the park on the swing. And I was like, you have to be careful. You can get hurt. And then I feel jazz being like, why don't you just like not worry so much about the kids? And I was like, well, I'm worried about them. I don't want them to get hurt. She was like, they're going to get hurt. They're little kids. And I was like, yes, she's like, why don't you wrestle with them? Why don't you do something else? I was like, well, I don't want to, you know, I don't want to hurt her. How many of these children? 11 and five. OK, you mean wrestling with 11? Yeah, you know, they're all so incredible. I got two girls and I got a 16-year-old stepson. But my five-year-old, I've been teaching her how to box a little bit. OK, she's a lefty. And she's clipped daddy in the nuts a couple of times. And I'd say, hey, honey, don't hit daddy. That's when you really get that. You engage that. Yeah, do not do strangers asking you for candy. Yeah, I do. Not to get that. Two girls, all your girl dad. Yeah, all the little girl dad. That makes me like you more.

17:09Thank you. Now, do you want kids? No. I'm way too old. I'm 41. So that doesn't mean anything with mom. I didn't freeze the eggs. They're wilted. Oh, come on. We're so hurt. Hey, Spotify listeners. When you travel with American Airlines, you'll enjoy comfort and convenience at every altitude. Before takeoff, unwind in the AdMIRAL's Club Lounge with curated self-serve offerings of hearty vites and refreshments. In flight, stay connected with high-speed Wi-Fi, sponsored by AT&T. Your journey is designed to feel easy from the moment you check in to the moment you arrive, no matter where you're going, American gets you there. Book now at AA.com. Mr. President, my company formed me of the explosion on my rig on October 2nd. Causing massive water displacement, triggering the tsunami. They all heat the blame all may. Tom Cruise is. Digger, don't us into this mess. And Digger is going to dig us out. From the director of Birdman and the Revenant. What would happen if I stopped doing it? You stole it. You freeze the eggs. That's what. With great power, comes great deniability.

18:09I'm not the Earth, daddy. Digger, see the dream all night. Only in the years until we're second rated R, under 1790, without parent. Guys, draft kings is now live in all 50 states. I'm happy football is here. Sundays with the boys, all we're doing is talking about what picks we made on draft kings. We're watching the games are having fun. But literally the whole conversation is what picks on we making on draft kings. Everybody's getting involved in what's making. Ah, you picked that person, you dummy. Or something will happen. Somebody will drop a ball. We just start laughing at him because we know, like, yeah, good for you, stupid. Draft kings is awesome. It just literally, Sundays are awesome with football. They get insane with draft kings. I'm telling you, trust me, try it out. And with draft kings, new draft kings customers. Here, again, this company is great. You sign with code chaos. You spend five bucks to get $150 in rewards within 14 days and that includes all markets. Not some markets, all markets. That's code chaos, CHALS. So you've got to download the draft kings app. You got to put in that code to get the five bucks to get $150 in rewards, okay?

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20:11I've been posting a lot of clips. Thank you so much for liking them and resharing them. I appreciate it. October 8th to the 10th, Portland, Oregon, Helium, Comedy Club in Portland. I've never been there. So come on out. Then we got October 23rd, 24th, Governors, Levitown, New York. These shows are almost sold out. So please go to christiecomedy.com, get the tiki wikis. I don't think I can add any shows. So I want you to come to these ones. And they're fun. The sound on any ones especially, I made them early, baby, four and six thirty. Come on, we'll get you and we'll get you out. And then November 6th, 7th, Syracuse, Funny Bone. And then I got a bunch of other shows in November. christiecomedy.com, take a peek. Which ones do you want to come to? I love you. Now, well, there's the fiance. Thirty-nine. Nice. And he's fucking jacked. We hear fellas. We're going to post a picket. We're going to have step-post a picket. I have a week and post a pick. I have a naked photo of him right now. Whoa, let's see. He was bending over and I was like, excuse me. Yeah, let's see. I try to see his hemorrhoid though sometimes. Because there's only flaw. He's got like a long hemorrhoid. So I try to get him whenever I can. How do you remove that? How do you get rid of it? That's what you need surgery. Should I? You're never had hemorrhoid? No, not yet. Is it?

21:12Should I expect it? You should have had him by now. Interesting. So what's wrong with me? I don't know. Maybe all that gay sex is pushing back. Push it back in. Have you ever had a hemorrhoid? Yes, all the time. I tell you about all the time. And that's what went happening. And what happened to you? So what happened is when you get it right. Take us to right. Everyone has one. If you think there's one hiding in your asshole, it just hasn't made an appearance yet or irritated yet. OK, and what happens when it gets irritated? It hurts. It bleeds. It's itchy. OK, and then how do you? What's the medicine? Well, you have to just change your diet or it's mostly stress-induced. Got it. That's because you've ever had a hemorrhoid fetal? Yes, you have. It's only 31 now. It's only 31 now. Oh, OK. Well, I know. I should be expecting him right now. Wow. I know my father had what anal fizzures. Those are the worst. OK, so those are way worse. It's glass. What your dad was taking big shit. So that's what is a hemorrhoid company? I like what's amazing about you is you say something like that. Like your dad was taking big shit. And then you get people to turn around and look. Yeah, and they were like, that's most of my crowds. Yeah, they're like, huh?

22:12They got a ha, and they were turn, look at me and they're confused. Well, so that's interesting. The hemorrhoid. So that's something nice to look forward to. Have you gotten your first colonoscopy yet? No. We got to get it, huh? I'm getting the scan. If you get the full body scan? What's the full body scan? You know, her knee, everyone's doing them. Come on, tell me. You lie in the stain. You pay $2,000, then you get told you have lumps. You have like cancer. Everett. So it's cancer in time. Entire body and everyone, they say most people have something. They don't know if it's benign or not. So you do it, you get a fucking, you have a mental breakdown, you think you have something. You have the way to go to the hospital and they test it. It's a whole thing. Jesus Christ. So it's like, well, that's the thing with these long jeopardy medicines. I've been doing it. I've been trying it. I've been paying much. But what do you do taking? Well, I tried to do, you know, the peptides. I've been doing the, you know, the dexascans, the VO2 max. And the thing is, I'm starting to wonder, like, it's too much data, like not a good thing for us. You know, I don't know. Yes, we're, we're, there's too much. We also don't know. Right. It was bodies different. Like, you hear those words were like some old MEMA lives to like 201 and they're like, she smoked a back of day.

23:13And you're like, what the fuck? What the fuck? Yeah. So it's made sense. Some of it's genetics, and I kind of feel like, you know, if all this longevity stuff was going to get you to live like another 30 good years, that's one thing. But it feels like, okay, so instead of dying at 90, now you'll die at 93. Yeah, yeah. If I could make it to like 80, I'm like, that's good. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, so that's good. 100, my great grandfather, I love to 104. Also, you got a good genetics then. He ate garlic and yogurt every day. Every day. Yeah, I see. Garlic yogurt. Like, just cloves. Oh my god. I know, my god, it's all, I'll die. Yeah. I'm not doing that. You're eating eggs and bread. Yeah. Fucking eggs and bread. Well, in my way, we're right outside the slate cafe. After this is over, I'm gonna get you a sandwich, so we got egg whites, avocado and chicken sauce. Chicken sauce. What do you think of that? No, I'm full now. I'm pissed off, I'm full. I'm really, I'm warning you. It's a whole thing. Here's the thing with Steph. She's got big opportunity tonight, auditioning for the comedy seller. I am. So by the time you see this next week, she will be one of the newest members of the comedy seller. Well, or not. And then we'll be cutting that out. Cutting that out. No, show me, show me what I'll do.

24:14It's going to be a lot. Cutting that out. Well, I'm bulgaring then, are you Jewish? No. Not Jewish, I'm Jewish. I'm always just confusing. But you can present to us Jewish, which S.D. is Jewish. So yeah. She is. That's it. Hey, and she's also from Israel. So if there are anything, if there's ever a joke or two, that's not going well, just say, you know what I hate? Fucking Palestine. And that you'll be like, something like this. I'm never said that in my life. No, it's not like this. Yes? Yes? No. No. Everyone, all my fans are like, what the fuck are you going to do? No, no, no. Hey, if you want to get in the club, no. No. No, no. What's cool about the comedy seller, honestly, is they're very, they're very like open everything. Even though it's Israel's had on it, like Moam, or Palestinian always in there, you can kind of say and do whatever you want. She just wants to, you probably still just want to see the authentic version of you. I think that's what every, it's also like, it's just like me that's fine. Yeah. I can't force someone like me. Not everyone likes me. And I'm fine with that. Well, that's the thing. One of the, you know, a very famous Canadian said this. And it's a very good point. And then I'll tell you who said it. After I tell you the quote, he said,

25:15I don't know what the key to success is. But I know the key to failure is trying to make everybody like me. Yes. So, Bill Cosby. Damn it. LAC. What the hell? It was a good one. You know? Yeah, then he raped young women. Yeah, it's one hat, you know, sometimes. Damn it. It's the yin and the yang. Now, Steph, here's the thing. So, so you're here, you're living in America. Are you a Canadian? Are you a legal US citizen? I am. I got my citizenship last year. Vito's going to need you to prove it. I have. I have. Vito's moonlight fries. Really? No, no, no. I have a American passport. How? Did that feel good? Did that feel different? Like, it was very hard. Yeah. The questions are, not, not at all would pass. This fucking past. I believe it. And I love history. And I love. OK, if you love history, then you would. No, but I still wouldn't pass because there's so many, like, do you recall something that you had told me? One of them was like, what was the, who was one of the writers of the free press or something? And the front, or like the free library or something?

26:16And I remember the name was Publius, because it was so weird in my head. Right. And I was like, Publius, they're like, yes. Nobody ever gets that one, right? But I was like, I hear the members 100 questions. And the computer just has them randomly. Wow. So I want to write these dates. Some of them were easy. It was like, who's the president? I'm like, oh, like, somebody was stupid, but then some were actually hard. And what is it? What is the percentage you need to get correct in order to get a citizen? I think all. Like, is it the ask 10 questions? You have to be like in the sixth right? Is it multiple choice or? Some of them are. Some of them is the specific dates. So let me ask you this. What was the constitution written? You have to have exact date. I'm like, there's too many dates. There's too many dates, because the answer's not 1776. I don't know what it is. Oh, it is. Oh, that one is that. Did I question the independence? Yes, yes, yes, yes. What happened? Two meter dates come over, right? Yeah. Two Indian guys guess what? No ticket. No problem. Tell them it's definitely the fuck. But then last week, we're doing the podcast here. We almost never got tickets. We never even get yelled at. Indian guys, great. Whatever, no problem. Say nothing, okay. Fucking white lady. American white lady. We're talking screaming at us.

27:18Show us a permit. Yeah, we were like, show us a permit. What the hell? Just being like an entitled fucking lady. At least I was. We are here illegally. 1000% we're not doing what's right here. You better shut your fucking mouth and keep walking. Like the Indian guys let us do. So it was very, very interesting because she was such a person. She walked by and she didn't even say anything. She just went. She was one of those people you knew she just wanted the power. She just wanted the power. And you just wanted to do it. But what you know what wound up happening is somebody must have spoke to her. I don't know what happened. Maybe one of the Indian guys was supervised it because then she walked right past us. Did he make eye contact and just let us film the whole thing? So I wonder if she was spoken to and by who or did Vito. Did you do something off camera when you told me you were walking away to make a call? Did you do something to her? No, because I know you're king of the cops. They were your crispy. King of the crispy cops. I am, I am. Really? I am accepted by the NYPD. So we haven't got any issues. I only watched law and order SVU. You don't feel like I can help. Friend of the show.

28:19NYPD, friend of the show. It's him dealing with say. Friend of the show. There's another test. That's a nice one. Have you been arrested? I have been. Oh, and you're still friends with these guys? Yeah, but this is before I get comedy. Yeah, I be the same. You know how everybody gets hemorrhoids? I feel like anybody gets arrested. I got arrested in trouble. What happened? A assault in high school. In high school? Yeah, yeah. Wow, that's okay. But what happened? Me and my friend beat up this girl. She did most of the beating up. I started the fight. She deserved it, though, right? Yeah. Yeah, she did. Yeah, she did. But that's how the principal didn't know what to do. So he just called the police. And then we got arrested. Out that day. Like you didn't say that. Yeah, I stayed for like six hours. And like this little show. That's a weird random thing where it's like you, your mom and dad get a call from the police. Oh, they, well, the funny thing with the, my dad, his friends, he's a prank all the time. Yeah. So he's like, hi, Peter Tollev, this is Steven Talsky. Your, your daughter's in jail. And he goes, fuck you, Ted. And hangs up. Principal calls back. He's like, no, no, it's actually me. Your daughter isn't jailed. She's an actual person. And I was like, oh god, damn it.

29:19So the principal is so pissed at that. I'm like, it's hilarious. Yeah, I mean, you know, and it's like, look, in high school, you know what people are going through. Everyone, everyone's messed up. And I don't care. Let me beat up a girl. You should have just been suspended. Yeah, it's not a big deal. It's like, you know what? I'm going through stuff. I have hemorrhoids. It's like, you're going to get kicked in the face, man. I didn't have hemorrhoids in high school, OK? They started. They started later. They started later in life. That's very interesting. You're the first, one of the first people in my life, ever to say you were shocked at him and at hemorrhoids, which makes me feel that's it. Maybe you got the hemorrhoid talk? Yeah. Hey, that guy is hemorrhoid. Something that you can tell by a guy's face. Oh, that guy's, he's sitting on an angle right now. You can tell. Actually, that wasn't even him. That wasn't his hemorrhoid. That's how big it got. His hemorrhoid was driving. Yeah, his hemorrhoid has shaved it a few days. Yeah, I've blown away by this. What happened? That guy, this man is still getting a haircut outside. I'm a friend of that I waived to him, and he was so disgusted by me. Yeah. I'm like, motherfucker. He just knows you're got a client. It's not going to waste his time with you. I get it. Yeah, we're 30 minutes into the podcast. I can't believe this. I thought it was one of those YouTube things, where it's like they go on the clean of a homeless man and they give them a dinner show. Shout out to the show about that excited.

30:19No, this is not. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's it. Well, he's doing the same thing. He can't touch this, like that. Probably not. Instead of paying rent for a studio, instead of paying rent for a barbershop, I'm just going to do it on the street as a mind. People love the street out here. Big street town. Big street town. Isn't it fun? I do walking over the shows with so nice. Yeah. It's my night walks. I kind of feel safe for some reason. You want to save here. Well, the thing is in New York, it depends. Obviously, here's the thing with New York. I don't think it's as safe as it was 15 years ago, but it's still remarkably safe. I feel like it is. Yeah, nobody's going to mess with you. They now listen. If it's an unhinged crazy person, that's one thing. There are more of them, but the police are always within a block or two. There's cameras everywhere. There's another hot in here. I don't know if they're on. Same guy. Oh, is it? He's looping around. I don't like, I don't like, I don't want him to be too ripped, though. I don't like that. You know why? You don't, you never know. He's got abs. I've got abs. But you seem like a man that needs abs. You're an av man. Yeah, you know what it is with me? I'm a man who's, I've been told my whole life.

31:19I think you've got a pretty good body, but I've never accepted it, and I've never thought I do have a good body. I always look at my imperfections, and now at 42, I'm never going to be the ripped guy. It's not possible anymore. It's a lot more. It's a lot more. Without some fucking help, you know, some juice, which I don't want to do any juice. No, you're not juice, and you've children. So you're children, but now I look at it as you know what I do? Like, it used to be, what are you working out for? I never used to think about that. You say, I just work out, because I don't have a, but now I only have a purpose. I'm like, oh, I want to roll out my kids, I want to play with my kids. There's a lot of times where I would be doing like, push up, sit up, pull up some of my daughters, like, Danny, can we go to the park? Have like, let me finish my workout, but now I just make them a part of my workout, because I'm like, this is what I'm doing. I was like, that's crazy. Yeah. Give me the other foot, the twin. Yeah. Let's go to the park with your mother. Yeah. So no, but then it hit me when I was like, oh, no, get on my back. You be the way, and then we'll play a hoisting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then we do that, or then we, you know, and then, or I squat and I throw them up, and it's like, you're, you become the slam ball now. That's what's it? You're the dumbbell, honey. Yeah, and they're loving it. I'm gonna love it. Yeah, get my workout in. This feels like a very stressful, you keep looking at your stressing, yeah.

32:19It's looking real. Yeah, what's going on with you, Bito today? Yeah. This is the most narrow, this is the, this is the worst spot we've ever had. Okay, we have to start rolling in right here. It is insane. I assume this is normal. And there's a foot, there's a foot, there's a foot right here. I know, and you pick the narrowest street for steps nose. It feels, it does feel this, I have to keep looking straight, and turn on the hitting the sidewalk. You want steps nose to get clipped by the side mirror? It's actually, maybe that would help take some off. Maybe I'll plus far. I'm not far the most distracted I've ever been on one, because like literally, look at it. Like, I'm gonna turn the camera. It is insane. The name of the show is Cressy K. I thought, I'm like, is this not normal for you guys? I was like, this does seem, well this is, this is kind of normal. This is crazy, it is not. It is narrow, it is not. Look at this, yeah, rest of it. I was thinking you were gonna take me somewhere else. No. Like, I get in the car, the bang bus style, and I was scared. No, no, we don't move the car. Okay. We don't move the car, and then by the way, I'm gonna break it. Oh my god, the pigeon's not gonna get that. That would have been great to the pod. I'm like, is that pigeon got killed right now?

33:20Pigeons make me fucking sick. Look, he's got a cleft toe, we can't walk on it. Why is he wet? There's no rain here. Why is it, and they always go right in the middle of the road. I saw pigeon once eat a full pickle jar of broken glass. Of course. This pigeon has to move. Oh my god, oh my god, I can't. We're out with wings. No, I had to go. And Lance of the guys had getting his haircut. Could you imagine that pigeon just got run over? I would leave. We got sprayed on the pod. I tell you, if that pigeon died, I would throw up, and I would leave. I would also go to the emergency room with you, but you would have to understand that, not only without the cleft, that would be the opening of every Chrissy can't have podcast. I couldn't think of anything else to start the show. That he just, I don't think, I think that one looks so malnourished, it wouldn't even squirt. It would just crunch. Crunch, yeah. That one looked like it's trying to get like some type of assisted suicide. Oh, that one needs to die. Yeah, that one needs to die. That's the first pigeon with AIDS. Now, that is a six, six, six, six pigeon. Yeah, that was disgusting. He's not on his own meds. No, and it's just people would kill that and eat that. Ew. Now, is Toronto a pigeon city or not really? Yes, you're right.

34:20I don't see that pigeon in LA. No. Can I ask you a question? Because you're an East Coast Eastern Seaboard person. Yes. Are you okay? How do you, I like LA as an American city, I respect it, but how do you like living there? Because people with your energy, because I feel like it's very similar, don't really adapt to LA that well, but you seem to be doing great there. I'm loving it. I think it's where you start. So I started, I started, Toronto was like, the hustle bust, I did not as crazy as this, but now that I've been in LA for 10 years, I'm like, I like it now. I'm used to it. I'm like, it's normal to me. You bought a home there? I bought a home and silver like, so you're staying put. Oh yeah. Yeah, so I, And I like, I'm passing the store. I get worked there all the time. I do all the clubs in front of that factory. I'm like, every night I'm doing like all three clubs. It's like, why is that hell would I leave? Why would I leave? And LA hasn't, people would say, well, LA's changed, but it hasn't really. That's fine. It's the same shit. Also, I want to do, I want to act more. I feel like there's more stuff out there. And the fucking weather, I can't do winter anymore. I'm done. I'm fucking freezing. 12 months here. This is what you're in. I never not wear shorts. That's amazing. I wear shorts all year round.

35:20All year round. I'm done. Can't do that here. You should act in it. Stuff in it's so much stuff that you're just starting. Yeah, so that's good. So the first acting I ever did, it first movie I ever did. I did a little bit acting sketches, TV shows, small parts, but first movie I ever did. Just last week, we filmed it with Matt Wright's new movie. I don't know when it's coming out, probably next year. First time acting, loved it. I didn't realize on the movie set where it's like, it's kind of like how I said, like sometimes you get iced at the comedy seller, where like, the audition process is, be there at 7.30, but you might not go on until nine o'clock, 10 o'clock. With acting, I kind of felt like, I'm sitting on the set. Jonathan Randall. What's up, brother? Good to see you, man. That's it. Great. I started calling. Well, you know, he was the house MC at the Lamp Lounge when I started coming. Wow. I think we picked this spot for a reason. And it's one of those. All his fans of yours. And I used to talk to him all the time, hang out with him all the time. And that's one of those moments where it's like, I haven't seen him in probably 10 years, and I thought maybe he'd stop and talk to me, but he just kept it moving. Yeah, he had no interest. Wasn't a big part of his life.

36:21No, no. So. The way you remember him, he did not remember. He was like, I was like, yeah, he was just said, hi, he did this. He didn't even give you a full way of grace and occult. He is out of here. So how big was your role? So I had, so I had, so I fell there for two or three days. I played a police officer in the mode. Yeah, so, but it wasn't like police officer. Like my character has a name. OK. So that's good. It's not police officer one. Randall is the name. OK. And so I have lines with that, right? That's positive. But what I noticed is, what I noticed is it's like, Randall first name or last name. So that's the thing with my character is the director was like, you know, we never really established it. We're just going to put Randall on your thing. And it could be your first name or your last name. Might just be one name, like, yeah. That means that your character doesn't fucking matter. Doesn't matter, right? So you're telling me that means that your character. Well, it's the fact that you had to ask. And they were like, they made that up. They were like, yeah, who cares your first or last name? So the answer is that your last name, why would somebody wear their first name? Yeah, that makes no sense. Well, you know what? I was so proud of this. I got my first movie by a lot.

37:21And then I was speaking to a friend of mine who does movies. And he was like, he was like, it's amazing. And you just got to hope that your scene makes the movie. And I was like, yeah, they take it at. And I was like, yeah, but they put it down there for four days. And they paid me. They don't fucking talk about that. No, but you have many scenes you have. More than one. Yeah, three. Yeah, you're fine. OK. Usually it was like one weird scene. But if you were like, and if they were all with Matt, they're all with Matt. Then you're fine. OK, if you're not with the main usually, or it's like a weird scene, you can really add it in the last minute or something. You could get, yeah. You could easily get to know. Does that mean last night you got your head? That might have been you last night who got my head. Yeah. I'm not a friend who does movies, but it might have been. Yeah. Well, but you have to get right in there and be fucking ready to go. You've got to know your lines. I thought there would be a rehearsal and warm-ups. And you want to do it. There's sometimes a rehearsal for him. Yeah, and here's what I did also. That was stupid that again, you as more trained and have experience. I memorized all my lines and I before. But then you realize you don't shoot. I didn't know that they're going to tell me what scenes I'm shooting and just prepare that. I was preparing shit that we did five days later than I before.

38:21I don't know what are you talking about. You have to know like three sentences today. Yeah, yeah. And I was like, oh, that's nice. But that's nice that you have that ahead of time now. K-Man. That's nice. K-Man's rare. Because sometimes, yeah. Yeah. Did you audition or did you just give you the part? So what happened was I auditioned and I didn't get that part and just didn't get a part. And then they called me like a month later and just offered me another role. That's OK. So that's good. I think once you do your first thing, I feel like I was getting a lot more offers. Because you did the first thing. Yeah, tires I auditioned. What? But every fucking female comedian on the planet I just wrote that role. And you got it. That's big. I think I sent in a pretty unhinged. Right. That's what I wanted. Yeah. I was pretty unhinged. Yeah. And Shane, I'm sure loves you. So I don't even know if you knew me. Interesting. Yeah. So I thought I was the only one that wasn't like a buddy of his. No. I think what I had a meeting with Netflix, I think Netflix likes me. Yeah. So that. Now I get offered. I get like I did a horror movie that offered that part,

39:23which is nice. Yeah. But I'm like offers or I feel like my look. And people see me online. If they see you online, they'll know that fits this part. I was told that as well. Like if you're going to audition, I mean, if you've got to get the first one and then things get easier. Because I got to be honest, I went out and like 250 auditions. I never got one where it made me turn to just more stand up and podcast. So I was like, oh, this is the thing that feeds my family. I would just say no to my age. I'm like, I'm not auditioning. And now, you go in or you're doing just like a zoo. We did a zoo with it. But when I got this part, they did a zoo with the director. OK, that's true. So when you get the zoo with the director, you're very close. I think when you just had a tape and sometimes it's very hard. It's almost like nothing. It's not worth it, but it's like it's such a shot and a go. Well, there's some like, I'll get a rundown. It's like, oh, like girls best friend, girly girl. I'm like, I'm not booking this. Yeah. I have a mullet. I know what I'm booking. Yeah. That's not going to go out to the role for stab because why I was like, oh, I'm hinged. Yeah. Psychotic woman that's screaming at her husband. Yeah, that's me. That's me. That's me. And by the way, you also do look like a woman who could be stabby. It's why. Yes.

40:23Like, even in his real life, you look like you could be from the bow as a fucking Baltimore. And you're just some wild Greek lady screaming at stabby. It does make sense. So I think it also does have a lot of youth. You're like, I think the majority is your love. Well, this is Randle and the cop. So I said that I looked like you. Hey, I played a cop several times as well. Yeah, well, you also gave up cop energy. Big cop. They slicked back the bangs when I get the cop. Yeah. How long have you had bangs? Since COVID. I threw my hair out. And I was like, oh, it just makes me look younger also. I said last time I was 41 on a stage, and someone didn't believe me. I was like, bangs and Botox, bitch. You don't look 41 at all. Bangs and Botox. That's what it is. Bangs and wearing shorts all the time. People could have, I have nice legs. So be confused. Well, and you know what I love about, again, about someone like you, a comedian, you know, you have a way with words. Now we don't have to search for the title of the episode. The episode is bangs and Botox. It's that part of the episode. That's the big of the episode. That's what it is. I'm saying this, not top. I can fucking help. Did you do the s41? No. It ages me down. 1985. You got a tattoo on your arm?

41:24I do, yeah. And I have 1984 tattooed on my arm. Look at us. Couple fucking losers. Come on. Yeah. We call it White Trash here in the stage. It is. Oh, yeah. I got like, he's got some wire. How about his tattoo? I've scripture here. I have my neighbor here. I have a big cross on my back. Big cross on my back. Yeah, I look like I'm fighting in the army of God. Let's see the cross. Oh, yeah. I'll show my insane back that too. Wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait. Oh, okay. How do I put, I got the mic on? Just pull up your back. Oh, okay. Does no, I've never put a shirt before. Oh, shit. What do you think? God, damn, right in the middle there. Is there? Really fucked. I see it. Do I see more in the back? And then he wrote the word faith on the bottom of the back. I didn't ask him to. He just freelanceed it. Oh, that's even off the bump. Yeah. He did some proud work on the back. That's crazy. Let's see yours. Yeah. I'm probably one of the most stupidest tattoos. I'm not from Amsterdam. What do we got? It pulled up. This one? No. I have a giant win on my back. No reason. No reason. No reason.

42:25Not at all. Not at all. I wanted to move it for one minute. So you got a win mill on the back. I went there, I auditioned for Boom Chicago. They're in Prop troupe. Bumped harder than I bumped in my whole like fluid Amsterdam. Yeah. Others are so bad they went. That's enough of that. Yeah. And then I went home and never heard of them. Now it's target practice for your fiance. Yeah, me. He likes to call. He says he likes mini-pops. So it's his big joke. Oh, yeah, there it is. And he does just all over it. So that's nice. Yeah. Yeah. She hit the win. Hit the win. Hey Spotify listeners. When you travel with American Airlines, you'll enjoy comfort and convenience at every altitude. Before takeoff, unwind in the Admiral's Club lounge with curated self-serve offerings of party vites and refreshments. In flight, stay connected with high-speed Wi-Fi, sponsored by AT&T. Your journey is designed to feel easy and to the moment you arrive. No matter where you're going, American gets you there. Book now at AA.com. When will I have a I have a deer on my foot. I won't take it out too much, but it's served. I know the unless a converse or converse is served. No, we'll do it for tires, but I have no, no, no, no.

43:27I have car. It was out. My feet were out. It's not a sex scene. In tires. You see no, no, no, no, no, I watched. I saw I saw like I think the first or second episode. No, no, you got to watch all the thing. I think the second last episode, I've stabby catch me cheating on him with another guy. Wow, and you're full set. So when you do a sex scene like that, is it just like you and the actor on the... No, they said it was going to be a close set. No, but Ali who does costumes on tires is fucking incredible. Because I was like, sometimes when men write a sex scene, heard it, but sometimes they want you like, not wearing anything and your boobs are just like, tits flopping up and down are not funny. It's never going to be funny. It's a funny show. So they were not saying that. So they, McHever and Ali were like, let her wear something which she's comfortable in. So I wore like a little, like a little lingerie thing that was covering. That was covering. Tits bouncing, no. Yeah, because tits bouncing is, you want to turn off to that. But also there would have been funny, because my nipples would have been the weird shapes. It would have been like, it would have been hard.

44:28It would have been like pointing down. It would have been ready. It's one of those things where it's like, one tits bouncing is funny. Sure. Also, that's going to be my own show. If I have my own show, I have a tip with a big Google. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's very funny. That's a funny tip. That's what it is. Bouncing up and down, getting fucked. No, you dad. And then my stomach jiggling, not funny. People are looking, they're slowing down, they're zooming in, and my cellulite, I can't have that. Yeah, I know. That's the thing with the internet too, is like, you know, they will find that one. Oh, the fine. What about that, asshole? No, no, that's exactly what they'll do. That's not going to happen. Yeah, but I don't, you know what? You know what? It's freed me is not looking at the comments at all. Ever at all? Or my deal? Because you're a man. Now yours are never going to be his baddest woman. Ever, it doesn't matter. What do you get gay? Big whoop. I get trans, men, ugly. I've got to move this headphones to the side. Because he was like, yeah, I thought you were trans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to what? Yeah, still thinking I am. It's come back. I had nothing wrong with that, but I'm like, people get very angry. They zoom in on my Adam's apples, say I got it off. And I was like, then they get mad at my fiance, saying he's gay for being with me.

45:29Like, it's so hateful. So hateful. But so what do you, but, but, but, I look, I don't know, because I like to do the actually it's funny. Some lady tried to come at me on my page of the day. A woman. It would women told me, I want to fuck you. Come to my fucking house. Yes. We don't have much. Don't fucking show me. I had to post this clip. There's a woman in the crowd who I was just using after. I go, we recognize you for anything. And she gave the most specific reference. She's like, Amazon Prime, season three of Riders Die. I'm the luxury girlfriend. And I burst a laugh at home. Yeah. What is that role? I just cry laughing. It's kind of make fun of it. I find her clip. But on the clip, funny. She's like, this is super rude. Why would you even post this? Sorry, I just put on your head. I saw it. I got it. Why would you say it was in your hair? Put it in the hair. Yeah, it was in the hair. Trust me, it was in the hair. It was a big blob. So I was, she was like, this is so rude about you post this. And I was like, rude. Yeah. I'm calling this girl out. I'm saying she's amazing. In the couch, I went, she laughed the whole fucking time. I was like, were you fucking in the showroom? Yeah. You fucking there? Yeah. And then all my fans came at her. Go ahead. She believed the comment. Don't come because suck my fucking ass.

46:32Suck my ass hole in the dream that I had. In the dream that I had. It was so puckered. It had like two layers. It was almost like stranger things. You know those things that they come out? Yeah. It was like a devil. I was like a vagina, but an asshole. Right, but an asshole. Yeah, yeah. That's my dream. That's what I'm thinking about my life. That's what it is. So people think, oh, why, you know, they let people think that people, that comedians are dirty or forcing it. I'm not forcing it. No forcing it. I'm sick. Well, I'm not dreaming of a puckered anus. I'm not sick too. I think sometimes in as comedians we like, we're like, oh, we should try to be clean for this. It's like, if it's not you and ain't you. I want to hear you talk. I want to hear you talk about the puckered anus hole in your dream. I don't want to hear you talk about the weather. No, no, no. That's not what I go to stuff to love for. I'm like, tell me about your fucking. Tell me about your. Every truck in New York City has gone down the street. We? I'm not sure if you, if this is truck alley. No, we. I never see some trucks with a whole life. No, you don't understand. This, we do the podcast outside. What we're doing today has never been done. We are in literally, there is more than 85% chance one of these trucks will knock over a cat.

47:34I can't believe it's been this like. Vito sometimes is in traffic. The Vito has been fucking hit by side mirrors. Yeah, Vito. Really? Okay. Vito's like a hemorrhoids. You left serious accent for this? Yeah. Can I say I was in serious? Yeah, yeah. You did say it. I remember everything. Yeah. I'm a fuck, I'm a walk. Yeah. I remember a little things that happen. I can't like, like, that's what I'm going to call back to that show because someone who like, I'll also send this, I'll watch other comics talk to people and I'll like just remember every single thing I said and they'll call me back like an hour and a half later in the show and they're like, I go, I watch everything. I know it all. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Now Vito's fucking texting. He's texting Lil Mo. I can't believe we saw him. That was like seeing like an internet celebrity. No, no, Lil Mo. Lil Peaty. Lil Peaty, whatever. Lil Peaty, yo, Lil Mo. Now look. Lil Mo. I just saw Lil Mo on a saglo's pocket. That's why it's in my head. Lil Mo is going to find you in New York, he's going to hit you over the head with a semolina bread. He's going to go hang in and then drive away. Lil Mo is loving it. Lil Mo likes to pee.

48:34Lil Mo likes to pee. He does, okay? He does, yeah. And it's the same thing. Lil Mo, Lil Peaty. So where a little peaty is one of those accounts that I think gets shared a lot because we don't know if it's real or not. Well, no offense. No, no, no, no. Well, when we had him on the podcast and again, I know him as a friend. It's real. It's real. Lil Peaty. Lil Peaty. As a Canadian and LA, you can't tell. Can't tell. Feels like he's like doing a long bit. No, here's the thing with Lil Peaty is when you get to know him, you realize he's one of the most genuine real mother fuckers out there. That's just how he presents himself and he's like, hey, I'm going to look because he had multiple near-death experiences. He just post clips that make no sense. They make no sense? How is this a clip? But he's, listen. I guess millions of viewers are like, do I have to change my mind? We asked Lil Peaty once, like, what is your strategy, whatever, and he began to tell us his strategy and then geared off into a story about how he beat up his mother's boyfriend and threw him down the stairs on Valentine's Day. So that's just what it is. Yeah. I said to him, this is like, when did you realize that this is something you do on purpose? And he goes, it's not.

49:35This is just the mic comedy. This is the style. Yeah. Right. So my style is there's no punchline. That's the style. Okay. The style is just a setup and then he goes, hey. And then you're like, do we stop now? Yeah. And then he makes a joke about having sex with a prostitute and that's the clip. That's the clip. That's the clip. That's the funny on the show. Actually, it was good on the show. Really? I'm okay. Okay. You know what you did? Yeah, we had him come and run and jump on because he's little and that was funny. He's so tiny. He could have been hiding behind you and pop his little head. He embraced his house tiny and little. Yes. He says he has a little penis. Where's the toupee? A good storytelling. Where's the toupee? Which he's open to. He'll tell you in the first five minutes. He just got his toupee glued on. So there's a genuineist to him. He's not. I'm starting to like him now. That's what he said. You're literally like that. For some reason, I think more mentioned a bit to the toupee because we can tell. When we met him, how tall is he? 5'5". Barely. Maybe not even. But he immediately was like, like he immediately was just like, you know, I have a toupee. I had a little dick when it like he, you know, obviously my beautiful girls walking like he'd go talk to them. He would go, he's a foot taller than her.

50:37Yeah. But he would go talk to that girl. Yeah. And I would say she's not good enough for him. No, no, no. That's my attitude. He's our boy, the Trump of cop. He don't care. This guy don't care. Oh, he is. He doesn't care. Didn't even look. Didn't even look. Didn't look. He doesn't care. No, he doesn't care. Guy's don't care. That guy didn't care. Well, the women I think they're trying to prove something in this line of work. Yes. Because they're probably like, I need to show that I'm like not getting walked all over. Like, she also probably, this is why I'll give for the benefit of that. She could have just been fucking flipped off by some asshole for no reason before she came here. Or he never know what people are. She's in New York City. Maybe somebody was publicly masturbating turn and Madison Avenue. Someone's gonna piss on her. That happened? Could be pissed on. Could be pissed on. I'd rather be masturbated on the pissed on. Really? I think so. You'd rather be masturbated on the pissed on. I feel like Jizz just like a little small bit. I could be like, pp soaking in. Jizz isn't soaking through clothes. It's a good point. So in other words, Jizz is a little cleaner to you. So in other words, if I was around the UCK and he chose to joke over to you.

51:37Oh, piss it. Yeah. I'd rather Jizz. Okay. I just feel like piss is, I don't know. I don't know. Sometimes even at that morning piss, it's so hot. It's a good point because like it's so milky. It's so milky. You'll swallow some Jizz again. Oh my god. I'm drowning you on. Excuse me. Yeah, but you're not gonna drink a cup of piss. I know. Right. I'm not gonna. So if you are both consensual or not consensual. I don't know. Which I don't know. I'm not gonna talk to you. I'm not gonna talk to you. I'm not gonna talk to you. Which I don't know. I'm not gonna talk to you. I'm not gonna talk to you. Consensual. Run up on you. Run up. Either a consensual or run up Jizz. I'm taking Jizz. On the subway, if you have to get one to get off, you have to get one. Jizz over piss. Okay. Now, how much? Because you know, it's like the amount coming out of piss could be like a horse. Yes, I see what you're saying. That's the whole point. That's too much. I see. Yeah. I want to sprinkle. It's a good point now. Have you been exposed on a subway or by a mail in public? I have never exposed by a mail when I was very young and I think my father beat him to a pulp.

52:37I think I mean, he did. How like we're talking about like a child. I'm talking. I was, I believe I was six years old. Jesus. My sister was, uh, three, three or four. No, I was, I was seven. Shoes, shoes, shoes are gonna meet. I remember vividly biking down this path in Toronto at this Don Valley. If you, in Toronto, the Don Valley, there's like paths, ways to bike. My dad used a jog beside me in my sister. So my dad, same as you, two girls. Okay. We're jogging. My sister fell for bike. He was like, don't go where I can't see you anymore. I'm like, whatever dad, thinking I'm a big help it on. Biker on this corner. I turn around. Don't see my dad. Man, trench coat, classic, short, stocky, big trench coat. I'm like, what's he doing? I don't know what he's doing. I, I know it's weird. So I go into the grass. I bike around. I turn around and see him fully jerking off. And I'm like, what pisses me off too? I was an ugly kid. So I'm like, this guy was just desperate. You didn't have the bangs yet. I had no bangs. I had a nose. I had a unibrow. But then I biked around and then my dad came in the corner and he saw this man.

53:38I covered himself up and he's like, what happened? I'm like, uh, and I just started crying. I can't explain what I just saw. I had never seen a penis before. I knew it was bad and wrong. So these two women, I'll never get this. They two women walked out with a golden retriever. And my dad's like, can you watch my girls for a second? I just had to take a leak of the woods. My dad came back ten minutes later. Well, it's way out of his area. He goes, all right, let's go. I'm like, I asked him like 30 years later. I go, do you remember that? My dad goes, I haven't thought about that for a very long time. I'm like, what did you do? Wow. He was like dragged him into the woods. And I beat him to a fucking halt. Right. Could have killed him. We don't know. We actually don't know. This is the 80s. This is the 80s. Three times I never saw it. I was like, that's it. We don't know. Well, that was also, he fucked off. He fucked off. Well, it's also at a time in the, you know, I was assuming that maybe early, very early 90s, where you could beat up, you would beat up and potentially kill a pedophile in the cops and be like, yeah, nothing to see here. That was a different world. You're not gonna jerk off to an eight-year-old with a unibrow. What's, you like, what, that's... Here's the thing, Sam. Here's what it is with me. Look, I get it.

54:38I'm one of those guys, you know, conservative haircut, liberal brain. Like, you know, I'm kind of, you know, in the middle, I try to see it all the way. I have a fairly, yes, yes, yes, like all that stuff. But, you know, but when it comes to pedophilia, I think I'm a little old school with it, where it's like, I understand that you, people say, now, well, it's a sickness. They have a disease that I get, I understand. They need to be removed from society with no questions asked. So, for me, it is, it is for pedophiles. Again, I'm sorry, I know you're afflicted with it and I apologize, but it is public execution is the answer. Look, or, no, no, I look. Or sending them to an island. They have to go away. Like, share a crow and... Also, if you were, if you, because you're a girl, dad. I am a girl, dad. I took my niece out one day last week. And, trying, or two weeks ago, one man looked at her and I went, I'm gonna kill him. Yeah, I'm going to murder this. This man will no longer be alive. That's the thing. And I turned her crate. I would, I'll fucking harm you. I'm the one that got you. Yeah, stealing. Yeah.

55:38What happened? What do we got? Hi. Hi. Oh, thank you so much. Thank you so much for filming the Chrissy K. Ann's podcast with my friend Steph Follon. I'm a band, if you don't know me, I'm a female comedian. You should know I am. I'm a band, yeah, you should know. You should know. I'm a female comedian. Well, who's your favorite female comedian? Mary Beth Burrone. Mary Beth Burrone. Yeah, we were just talking about Mary Beth Burrone yesterday at the Metz game. Jordan Jensen, Steph Tollev, that's me, Jessica Kiersen. Yep. There's a lot. Little Petey, little Petey, little P. Common, about a little Petey. It's my special. Really? Yes. Steph Tollev. Yes. I'm a little petey. And Tyres, Ceron Tyres. Montires, absolutely. Yep. Is this so you just want to go out? Fuck a little Petey. Oh, are you? Yeah. Fine, nice to meet you girls. Enjoy Mary Beth Burrone. My friend, little Petey right here. This is so nice. Nice girls, nice people. I get really offended when women are in the way. I get it. Yeah, I mean. And then, well, when they say Mary Beth Burrone, I'm like, I have a problem I can like me. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, yeah. Yeah, because I find I say Jordan Jensen, they react and I'm like, you should know Jordan Jensen.

56:38Well, here's the thing with comedy, though. I do feel it is very similar in music, even though I don't think about it. Like, where's John Riss? So comedy is in umbrella, but it's like, your comedy is not the same as Mary Beth's. No, no, no. But if that's their favorite, I'm like, ooh, when it's on all the things where it's like, like, I don't personally listen to the Beatles. I don't know any of their music. It doesn't mean that they're not the most iconic band of time. No, no, sure, sure. Of course they are. But I feel like you should know. Yeah, but when you're talking to people, comedians, you don't know. No, sure, there's been like, do you know the band in 1975? No. See, it's my favorite band of all time. It's all over the world. Okay, okay, okay. But you would walk up to them and not know who they are. What do you do with it? Little Petey's coming on the show. This is the check spot. It's time to bring up your final act. What? Chris, maybe announcement. What are you talking about? And Pete, you know what I'm talking about. Hey, you wanted this show to be psychotic. Okay. All right, so I guess we got a new bit that Pete on just created here in real time. Where little Petey's coming up to do the check spot. The check spot is when the last comedian of the night goes on and the bills got to get paid out.

57:41The check's got to get paid out of comedy club. So they put a comedian on walk people are paying the check. So I guess that's what we're doing here on the Christian campus podcast. Here he is. All right, little Petey D comedy doing the check spot. There he is. Where's he going to go? Why is he behind the camera? Why is it behind the camera? Oh, he's on this camera. Okay, okay. There he is. Okay, there he is. Oh man, I'm just happy I found this. That's it, dude. You look good and red. Thank you, my brother. The real challenge is going to be finding the parking lot where I put my car. Right. That's going to be the real challenge. That's going to be the real challenge. We're just randomly driving by our heat. I love you. Oh no, yeah, he set me the address. Okay. That's what he is going to do. I just happened to drive by while looking for the spot. By the way, I want to give a quick shout out last two weeks ago. Did you pay looks even better today? Oh, I get it done a couple blocks over that way. See? I like it. It looks really good. It's a lot of alternatives. It looks really good. 26th of Madison. Do you know Alex the phone? Tell him about it. He should go get a cell phone. I'll be there tomorrow morning. I need a club. What happened in the bruise on your arm? What's going on? What for a cup?

58:41Oh, a cup. Okay. So when I go to Chenakupuncher. Chenakupuncher. It's fun. It's done up there. Somebody gets some work done up there. Then some work done there. I actually went to the Asian spot on Saturday. Oh, you did? Yes I did. I give you a happy ending. I made a mistake of doing two women at once. Let me tell you, it was twice as frustrating to have to communicate with two Asian women. It was twice as much of a headache to have to put two sets of instructions into Google Translate. And about a half hour into it, I was like, I'm going home to Jerk off by myself. I don't have to communicate with anybody. With anybody, right? It seems like a force-three, but doesn't sound good. Well, yes. No one doesn't sound like it. No one thinks it's a pity. He makes the best of any situation. I know. I was actually looking to do just one girl, but her friend came in the room and said, two girl. Two girl. Okay, wow. It's snatch my money. I know. Well, don't hold your money up like that. No, that was enough. Maybe, but your money in your wallet. Yeah, you're waving around bills. They're going to get. And she was like, two girl.

59:41Two girl. What else is going on? Pretty much the same stuff I got the Halloween show coming up at Brooklyn Arthouse. Got it out, dude. I will be dressing up as Chuckie for Halloween. That's good. Yes, that's what you got. I like that one. I'm dressing up as Drew. Yeah, well, I'm also going to be starting my own podcast in 2027 called Little Peep Big World. Wow. What an effort. What an idiot. Hey, what about Chrissy D? His first guest. 100%. Very good. Wow. He's a second guest. Yes, Steph wants to be second guest. 100%. I mean, yeah. 100%. What? Vito as well. I want to hear material. Okay. One stage. All right. Oh, this is like a kiltony thing. Yeah. Okay, go. All right. So, one of my deals at work, one of my deals at work went sideways. The client was refusing to cooperate with my company. So I had to drive to Boston. So I could see the man in person in an attempt to try to talk him off the fence.

1:00:42When I got to the man's house, he wasn't home. He was in the hospital with his daughter. I spent the entire day in Boston waiting for this man to get home. I took a shit in McDonald's. I took a shit in Burger King. I took a shit in Subway. And I took the biggest dump of my life in Mickey's Tav. It was the biggest bomb they've seen since the Boston Marathon. I was dropping bombs all day. I must have been a terrorist in another life, man. Yo, I dropped so many bombs in Boston that day. The government got me on a federal watch list now. Okay. That's right. The FBI. They got a picture, a little peed on the wall next to Osama bin Laden and Jihadi John. If they would have dropped a bomb like that on Hiroshima, there would have been no need to drop a second one on Nagasaki. Bang! A little peed with the church vibe. I'm on the way, he didn't look at you the whole time. No, I was for you. I was in the blink of an eye. That was for you, Steph. It was for you.

1:01:42I've never had a personal comedy show like that. Now, talk about bombs like that. Shit, you think he got a 10-moins? We're talking about hemorrhoids all day. You've never had hemorrhoids? I have the cordless zone cream in my car. Right, see? Everyone does. He's actually just never had a hemorrhoid. Never had a hemorrhoid. No. That was a good bit, Katie. Is that a new material? That actually, it's from 2023. We just came out now. You know what it is? It's like when you write the material, it doesn't hit the stage for a while. No, that's how it works. That's how it works. I don't think I've ever waited for two years. Three years. No, that's not what I was talking about. Yeah. So, do I have anybody in the audience around 6 feet tall? Raise your hand. I'm 6 feet tall. I'm 6 feet tall. Yes, I'll stay there. I'm 6 feet tall. He never seen brown. I was coming to get up and go on top. I was going to get up and go on top. I was coming to get up and go on stage. Sorry. If somebody was to offer you $3 million. Okay. But you've got to be my height for the rest of your life. Would you take it? $3 million, but I've got to be that height for the rest of my life. Don't do it. I ain't doing it.

1:02:42Because I'm telling you that money will be long gone. You'll still be my height. You can't even spend that money. Otherwise, you're going to wind up short and broke. You can't get no pussy. I can't no pussy. No. We're about 30 million. 30 million? 30 million am I too? Because then I can get a surgery or you're linked in my body. No. I don't know if I can do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I don't want it. I don't want it because you're so offensive. But you, I know. Sorry. But let me ask you this. But you are the height you are and you've accepted that and you get a lot of checks. Yeah. No. And let me tell you, if I was to find a genie in a lamp that was down to grant me three wishes, right? Right. I would not make one of them high. Because I would be selling out on my whole little people. Right. Like I will ride this little people right into my five foot casket. That's why aren't you mad at little moa because he's not little. Yeah. He's not little. I would take my hair back. Right. I would take my hair back. What would the three wishes be then? Getting my hair back is number one. Okay. I'll take this fucking toupee and burn it. Right. All the stress that's caused me over the years.

1:03:42Okay. For the best Colombian male or bride possible. Nice. I like that. Very specific from Colombian. I'm not a woman who's at least five feet eight inches tall and her father has to have a full head of hair. Okay. So that my son gets half a chance. I got it. You mixed that with my genetics. You know, that kid will come out looking like Odell Beckham. I like that. Okay. One more wish. One more wish. We can get one more. Those are two great wishes. You thought about those for sure. So you, you, you, you, you said maybe I'll give it start. I wish every great comic, right? Decides to chase their dreams and pursue their passion. You're regardless of how difficult the path is. You're saying that's nice. That's nice. That's nice. I feel like they've got this horse on it. You don't even need a genie. Comments like that. You know, the Colombian people are blind and up after they see this. They see that. Right. Step close some Colombians in the light. I know a lot of Colombians. Yeah. Yeah. Let me get your pose here. Okay. All right. He woke up when he came here. Yeah. You've been distracted.

1:04:42Now you're all gizzed up. I've been doing comedy for almost five years. Thank you. All right. And a lot of people like watching my videos. Of course. I'm a stepflex watching your videos. I'm a funny dude. Yeah. I'm not interested in mother fuckin' to listen to. Not only do I think outside the box. Yeah. My whole life is outside the box. Right. My mother had a C-section. I was born outside the box, baby. Yeah. Yeah. That was good. That was good. Nice closer. Yes. I think you could get a haircut over there. Yeah. I never broke that guy. I need a whole new to pay. What are you doing for the rest of the day, little peety? No plants. No plant for anything. No plant for nothing. Nothing. I'm not gonna probably go back to work, close out the office, and then just chill, you know? Stepf lives in LA. She's from Canada. She's got to see the real fucking Brooklyn. Bay Ridge, Benz and Earth. Oh, yeah. You got to see the real shit. I know, I haven't. You got to go down in the San Genero. Feast that's happening. So you're going to hit the San Genero? No, no, no. Little peety will take you through the San Genero. I fly out tomorrow morning. You got to hit the San Genero before. I fly out in the San Genero. After the cellar. After the cellar.

1:05:42After you get past, go out in the San Genero's walking distance. Okay. Okay, okay. You text me when you get in at the comedy show. Me, me, me, little peety can take you to the San Genero. That's why it is. I'm going to find the comedy. That's my favorite. Sounds fun. That's it. All right. Thank you guys. Little peety doing the check spot. Step tolo, Sierra and Tyres. Best female comedian out there right now. You better fucking believe it. If you're a female and you come up to her. And you don't know. I don't know. Yeah, you better just get prepared to get hit with her fucking hemorrhoid. Yeah. This president, Mark Cone, is the president of the San Genero. He's the president of the San Genero. Yeah. All right. See you in a couple of seconds.

1:06:42Wait a door. Under 17, I'm in without a parent.