Confronting Injustice

0:00I need faith to believe that I can I embrace every part of who I am And I'm sure I've not met all of me But I'm stunning There are some conversations we avoid because we don't want Because we don't know what to say And there are conversations we avoid because we're afraid of what might happen if we say the words out loud Suicide is one of those conversations

1:01September is National Suicide Prevention Month A time to bring attention to suicide, suicide prevention, mental health And the importance of creating communities where people feel safe enough to say I'm not okay But I want to approach this conversation a little differently today I don't want to talk about suicide only as a crisis I want to talk about what happens before the crisis What happens when someone begins to withdraw? When the person who is usually talkative becomes quiet When someone stops returning calls, when they say I'm tired When they start feeling like a birding When a person who has always been strong when finally says I don't know how much longer I can do this

2:04Do we hear them? Do we know how to respond? Or do we tell them to be strong? Do we tell them that somebody else has a worse? Do we say you have so much to live for and move on because we don't know what else to say? Well today I want us to slow down because sometimes prevention isn't about having the perfect words Sometimes prevention begins with being willing to stay in the conversation Welcome to Confronting Injustice, Education for Healing I'm your host Linda Solomon And today we're talking about suicide prevention Not to create fear but to create a awareness Not to judge people who are struggling but to understand them

3:05Not to tell people how they should feel but to help us become better listeners, better supporters and more connected human beings And let's start by talking about why this conversation matters Right? Talking about so that is the idea of Talking about suicide does not cause suicide that's a misconception people perhaps think that but Talking about suicide does not cause suicide In fact, asking someone directly whether they are thinking about suicide can open the door to an honest conversation and help connect that person with support And that matters because one of the most dangerous things we can do is to assume that somebody else will notice

4:05You know sometimes it's not uncommon for us to think that surely somebody in their family knows or their friends would know or they would tell somebody But people don't always tell us Sometimes people don't have the words sometimes they are ashamed Sometimes they don't want to burden anybody Sometimes they've spent their entire lives being the person everyone else depended upon And sometimes the person who looks like they have everything together is struggling tremendously on the inside That's why prevention requires more than awareness It requires connection and connection requires us to pay attention I want to think about the words strong, you know, we that word is used often right and I wanted to challenge something today right?

5:16We often praise people for being strong And strength is valuable no doubt but sometimes we trend strength into a requirement You're strong, you'll get through it, you've been through worse You can't get up These statements may be well intended However, what if the person doesn't need us to need to remind us that we're strong? What if they need permission to admit that they're exhausted? What if they need someone to sit beside them without immediately fixing them? What if they need to know you don't have to carry this by yourself? No man is an island, you don't have to carry this by yourself That is a different conversation

6:18A very different conversation I want to talk a bit about just understanding suicidal stress So what a suicidal thought don't always look the way people imagine There isn't one type of person who experiences suicidal thoughts It can affect people across all ages, background, professions, income levels, and life circumstances Someone can be successful and struggling And we've seen many successful people who have committed suicide Someone can be salunded by people and still feel completely alone Someone can laugh, go to work, take care of their children, attend church, show up for everybody else and still be hurting

7:18This is why we have to be careful about judging someone's internal experiences by what we see externally There are also many different experiences that can increase someone's vulnerability Absolutely, life itself But in particular, you think about loss, grief, trauma, relationship problems, financial stresses, panic pain or illness, substance abuse, isolation And there are more and more people who have isolated these days Discrimination, bullying, legal problems can definitely, you know, you go to a criminal justice system and you think they appear and then you can find it with more injustice So legal problems, just made your life transitions And sometimes several things happen at once

8:18But there is something important to think about There is no single cause of suicide And let me say that again, because it's important for our listeners to know that There is no single cause of suicide And we should resist the temptation to reduce someone's life to one event Human beings are complicated Pain is complicated, trauma is complicated And prevention has to recognize that complexity And so, we should be paying attention What should we pay attention to? There isn't a checklist that can predict exactly what someone will do But there are changes in behavior

9:19And communication that deserve our attention For example, someone may begin withdrawing from people They may lose interest in things that once mattered to them They may seem increasingly hopeless, overwhelmed, angry, anxious or trapped They may talk about feeling like a burden They may suddenly begin saying goodbye or giving away meaningful possessions Pay attention They may experience significant changes in sleep Their mood or behavior And sometimes they may simply say things that make you part For example, I don't want to be here anymore Everybody would be better off without me I can't do this anymore

10:21When you hear statements like that, you should not automatically dismiss them We don't need to panic, but we do need to pay attention These are not things that people typically say or routinely say So when you hear things like that, you're ready to actually go up We are going to take a short break And when we come back, we are going to be talking about one of the most important questions You should ask someone who may be struggling And what to do when they answer honestly Stay with me You're listening to Confining Injustice, Education, For Healing

11:30And I'm sure I've not met all of me But I'm starting to picture what my life could be I have tracing from my past year They carry wisdom Welcome back to Confining Injustice I am your host, Linda Solomon And we're talking about suicide prevention during National Suicide Prevention Month

12:30Let's talk about something that can make people uncomfortable Asking the question If you are concerned about someone, you can ask, are you thinking about suicide? You can ask it calmly You don't have to whisper, you don't have to create dramatic, this whole dramatic thing You don't have to make the person feel like they're just said something that's shameful You can simply ask And this is important, listen to the answer If someone tells you that they can about suicide, don't try to handle the entire situation yourself Stay with them if you can safely do so And listen Take them seriously Help them connect with immediate support

13:31If there is immediate danger call 911 or get emergency help And in the United States, you can always call the text 988 to reach the 988 suicide in Crisis Life line You don't have to be suicidal yourself to call 988 You can contact that number because you are worried about someone else And that's important Sometimes a person who needs help is sitting right next to you And you are aware of the one making the call And that's perfectly fine And if you're wondering what not to say Let's talk about some responses that may come from a good place but aren't necessarily helpful For example, you have so much to live for

14:34Think about your children, all the people have it worse You just need to pray You need to be stronger You don't really mean that these are things that you do not want to say You are just looking for attention You definitely don't want to say because people will talk about suicide generally a very serious We may say these things because we're scared, right? We may say them because we want to pull someone out of their pain immediately But sometimes our discomfort causes us to shut down the very conversation we need to keep open Instead, try some of these phrases like, I'm glad you told me, I'm here for you You don't have to go through this alone, right? Let's get some help together These statements don't solve everything but they create space

15:39And oftentimes we just need that space, they just need someone, they need to know the same kids, they need a listening compassionate ear The power of listening, just listening Sometimes just being there is powerful It's one of the most powerful forms of prevention And it's something that we don't talk about enough listening Not listening so we can formulate our responses, right? Not listening to a respond, not listening so we can tell somebody what they should do Not listening so we can compare their pain to ours just listening Right? Non-judgmental, just listening There's a difference between saying, I understand and saying, help me understand what you're going through

16:41Help me understand what you're going through And that statement opens the door and we need more open doors Thank you, would you agree? We need more open doors Well, you know, at Confining Justice, we talk a lot about trauma We talk about incarceration, we talk about harmful convictions, we talk about families We talk about systems of injustice, right? And there isn't an important connection here When someone experiences trauma prolonged uncertainty, separation loss or injustice The effect doesn't, the effects don't necessarily end when the event ends And we know that, right? People can carry those experiences into their relationships, their families, their sense of identity

17:41And their understanding of themselves, it is deep and sometimes that people who have been affected Isn't the person we immediately think about? It may be the parent It could be the child or the children or the partner, the formerly incarcerated person The person who was wrongfully convicted, right? The person who spent years fighting a system, a corrupt system The family member who spent years advocating, the person who appears to be doing fine Because everyone assumes they should be grateful that the crisis is over But healing doesn't always happen simply because circumstances change Sometimes the body and mind are still trying to catch up And that's why prevention has to include spaces where people can tell the truth about what they're experiencing

18:47Okay, so I also want to speak specifically about men, if I can for a moment Many men are socialized to hide vulnerability, don't cry, don't complain, just handle it Take care of your business, provide, protect, keep moving And there is dignity and responsibility, but there is danger when responsibility becomes isolation A man shouldn't have to reach a breaking point before someone asks, how are you really doing? And when he answers honestly, he shouldn't make him regret answering The same is true for women, the same is true for young people, the same is true for older adults, the same is true for anyone We need cultures where asking for help isn't interpreted as a weakness, right? Because asking for help is often an act of courage

19:51Here's where I think this conversation gets bigger, right? The conversation gets bigger So what I'd mention isn't only the responsibility of mental health professionals Professionals are critically important, no doubt Crisis counselors are critically important, no doubt Therapists are critically important, doctors, social workers, educators, clergy, peer supporters All of these individuals can play an important role But every day people matter too The friend who checks in, the sister who notices, the teacher who listens The neighbor who knocks on your door, the coworker says, you have been, I haven't seen you lately How are you doing? The person who doesn't judge, the person who doesn't disappear because of conversation feels uncomfortable

20:57Those relationships matter I want people to take them in and just, this is a lot of information and it's important information And you know, we cannot, let's take it here We want to learn the warning signs, right? We cannot respond to something we don't recognize So take a few minutes to learn about suicide, warning signs and crisis resources Knowledge doesn't make us therapists by no stretch of the imagination, but it can make us more prepared human beings, right? Get comfortable asking directly If you're seriously concerned about someone, don't be afraid to ask, are you thinking about suicide?

22:02You don't have to know exactly what to say after that, right? You just need to be willing to take the answer seriously and help connect the person with appropriate support It is important that we build connection before there is a crisis Don't wait until someone is following the path before you become part of their support system Create relationships where people can talk, create spaces where people can be honest And create communities where vulnerability isn't punished Prevention isn't only what we do in the emergency Prevention is also what we build every single day It's important to take care of yourself too, right? For sure If you are supporting someone who is struggling, remember that you are human

23:06You may feel frightened, angry, helpless, you might feel exhausted You may not know what to do You don't have to become someone's only support I think we will have to do something with professionals and crisis resources And make sure you have support as well I want to leave you with a question Not a question about statistics, a question about us What kind of community are we creating? Are we creating communities where people have to hide their pain until it becomes a crisis? Or are we creating communities where people can say I'm struggling, I'm overwhelmed I need help, I don't know what to do And instead of judgment, they receive connection Because maybe suicide prevention isn't only about stopping someone from dying

24:10Maybe it's also about creating conditions where people have more reasons to believe that they matter What people feel seen, what people feel heard What people know that nothing help doesn't make where people know that needing help doesn't make them a burden Where people understand that there were moments doesn't have to define their entire story September may be National Suicide Prevention Month But caring about one another cannot be seasonal So here's my challenge to you Check on somebody Not because you think they're suicidal They're talking about them because they're human Ask the question, listen to the answer And if someone tells you they're struggling, don't immediately try to fix them

25:13Stay connected, help them find support And if you are the person who is struggling today, I want you to hear this You do not have to figure everything out today You don't have to carry everything alone But if you are a child, tell someone And if you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health Or a suicide crisis Caller Tax 988 and the United States in For a 988 Suicide Crisis Lifeline If there is immediate danger, call 911 Or go to the nearest emergency ward There is no shame in needing help There is no weakness in saying I need somebody, I need help And sometimes the first step towards healing is simply allowing someone else to sit with you in the difficult place

26:16I am Linda Solomon Thank you for spending your time with me I need faith This is confining injustice Education for healing until next time Keep asking questions, keep listening Keep making room for people to tell the truth about what they're experiencing Because people cannot heal in hiding And sometimes Simply knowing that someone is willing to listen Can be the beginning of hope Until next time You listen to Confining Injustice I'm 102.9 FM Boston's Community Radio Station I can see myself re-arranging

27:16Oh, I can see the beauty in the ocean I can catch my joy from the small thing And to think that I couldn't see past 22