DOD299: Tommy's Got Back (Problems)

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2:03If a hybrid fits the way you drive, Kia has a model designed to fit your needs. Learn more at Kia.com or visit your Southern California Kia dealer. Cancon, the world's largest fully suppressed range day is coming to Las Vegas, October 23rd and 24th at the Boulder City Rifle and Pistol Club. Come shoot all day for just $50. Get your tickets now at canconevent.com. I'm the cool guy, that's perfect. I know now what I can offer you that no one else can. Complete and under dependent. I'm a man, I'm sensitive. I need to feel love, I need to be desired. Yelling is the only part of being a father that I enjoy. Welcome to Dear Old Dan's, The Podcast. I never disappeared from. What? What the fuck is that? What? What's going to? Hey, welcome back from the Maldives.

3:05It's been, it was so nice if you guys have to give me that vacation. Yeah, all of us just do it. Tom, we made up a whole fucking thing. So don't worry. You got to tell me that first. I was just fucking sea turtles in the Indian Ocean. Is that not what you told everybody? It's pretty much fucked them. Now you tell me that part too. This feels like a lot of information at once. Well, fortunately he heard his back while fucking sea turtles. So worked out. My name is... Oh, made sense. Eli Bosick, Thomas Smith. Hello. Hello Tom. How are you doing? I am back, which is good. I'll tell you what, I'm a fucking hell of a lot better than I was three weeks ago. That's for God damn sure. I'm still not, so not fighting shape. I will tell you I'm still not in fighting shape. It's gonna be well until you're back in the car wash. Yeah, I think car wash and I, if you put me in there, like you could, you could definitely take me out pretty easy right now. I'm like fucking week is a three day old kitten at this. We should make that a patron goal to be a Tom. Yeah, come be a Tom. Be a Tom in a car wash. I want to give everybody like just like an update. And then I've got some like stories, I guess,

4:06and some funny, hopefully complaining to do. And then like some kind of heartwarming stuff I want to kind of talk about. I'll do the quick update. So I listened back to the show that I sent you guys because I had no recollection of sending most of that. Yeah, what we learn is that pain medication, Tom, loves to call people bitches. Yeah. So many slurs I had to cut. The only difference between Tom and pain medication. Yeah, actually hospital Tom got canceled just so you know, they were. Yeah, that's all right. Yeah, you're fine. Yeah, hospital Tom. That's the cancel. He's asked his off the show. Yeah, also hospital Tom has some hot takes on the Lindsay Clancy trial. I didn't even know you were following it. I guess they had the TV. Oh, God. So I'm going to talk about meds real quick, just because it's a bug of like people are so funny when they're like, oh, you're hurt. Enjoy the meds. Fucking those meds are the worst. I don't understand them and they don't do anything at all for nerve pain. Like I don't understand the life because isn't that just what pain is?

5:12What is the other kind of pain? No, susceptible pain. So I actually looked all this up because I had time. Yeah. So why is this hurt and it never stops? Yeah. So like most pain that you have in your body is going to be different and maybe mispronouncing with no susceptible pain. So it's like if you smash your hand in a car door, you cut yourself, you know, otherwise get injured. It's an entirely different set of pathways than if you are actively the neuropathic pain and then pain that is directed immediately at the nerve. Yeah. So the nerves are involved in all pain and all sensation, right? But like if you have neuropathic pain, it's an entirely different set of pathways. And they basically is like the nerve is just continuously misfiring. And it's being like, Hey, there's a fucking great big emergency in your body. It's like sure is. And it goes right up to the amygdala and it does all kinds of crazy shit and opiates and other drugs like that don't have any change in your pain score at all.

6:13So like, if it was a nine and then you take a bunch of morphine, what it does, because I can tell you from experience now, like, what it does is it's a nine. Yeah. Well, what it is, it's a nine, but you're less upset about it. Yeah. Well, that's nice. Yeah. Right. So what the opiates do do, like you're still report the same pain. No, it's not a lot of pain. Yeah. Yeah. But you can sleep or like you can like pass out. It basically like takes some of the emotion out. You got to sleep in those parts. I also the best time of your life. I slept actually your body did this on purpose to get a nap. Yeah. I slept a fucking lot. But yeah, it's just so fine. Like looking. I've been so jealous of you during this. Oh my God. You should be. You should time off work. I will say too on the counting your blessing side. My day job. I told my boss, like, hey, I'm, you know, fucked up. Here's what happened. His only response was, let me know when you get better and what we can do to support you.

7:14And that was great. He doesn't care how long I was gone. He doesn't care that I'm starting, I'm starting back at work today. He doesn't care if it's a full day, a half day. He doesn't care what this week looks like. He doesn't give a shit. He doesn't care. He's probably again. That's all we want to do. Get back here. Get back here. I got a fire. I'm one more time for it. I feel so fucking crazy lucky to have that job with that boss. Cause it just, that's just unheard of. Nobody's put in sick time or vacation time. And oh, granted, I won't use any of that this year because I feel like I've already burnt through it in good faith. But like, no one is counting the days, do you know what I mean? It's just like, yeah, get better. And I'm like, okay, cool. And then whatever that looks like for me, it gets to just look like that. I think about that. And I'm like, that's incredibly unusual. That's such a massive, massive gift that I get to have through that. And I've just, I was blown away. It was his response when Haley got, had surgery this year. He's been a big year. It's been a really shit year. She just had surgery in March. And I took all that time off to care for her after her surgery in March.

8:16Here I am six months later, taking off almost another month off of work. And I don't get two months off of sick time or paid time off. I have a three weeks of vacation. That's all I actually technically get. And he was just like, yeah, just do what you got to do. So it was amazing. I mean, to be fair, in your business, if you don't account for old white guy problems, you're losing half of the sea suite a year. You know what I'm saying? I'm surprised they don't have, you know, you're a flow in the bathroom the way my environments have like, you know, tampons. Well, maybe they do. I've never been in the sea suite. So we'll find out. We'll find out. They're going to promote you. That's how they handle this. Please don't. Hey, you got old guy hurt. Welcome to the club. Here's the keys to the private jet. You can only golf from now on. You don't have to golf. I'm never golfing again. I'm using this as a permanent excuse. Even if I heal up and I'm better than I've ever been before, you know what I'm not? Good enough to golf. You're not good enough to golf. Yeah, it's like, hey, you know what? Sudden twisting motions are probably just not going to be my thing from now on. I'm just not doing that.

9:17So I am never, ever going to pick up another golf club ever again. It is, I'm not an off its worth it, but it's close. Like it might be close. Constellation prize. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. All right. So pain drugs, they didn't work on you. Now I'm just, there's been filled in. Is there anything they've missed that you want to fill them in since the Tom tapes? Uh, yeah, since since the Tom tapes. I had my two-week appointment with them today and they basically said, this is actually kind of funny. So I'm still hurting pretty good. So standing and walking is very difficult. I'm on a clock as soon as I stand up. So I got about a minute to three minutes, depending, you know, it's pretty variable. And then after that, I'm definitely going to have to sit down and the pain starts right away. I remember some of those movies where it's like that one where it's like, he's a adrenaline gland is going crazy. So he's got great action. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I can stand up for one minute. But it's so much better than it was when I went in, when I went in, I just all I could do is like lay in a curled up C formation and like mash a button for pain med.

10:21So I mean, I'm a lot better than that. It is getting better. They gave me a heads up that this was going to be a harder recovery than I thought. It's been harder than I thought. I'll be honest, like I didn't believe that. I was just telling Haley I was like, yeah, but when they told me that, I thought, that's what you say to all the girls, but I'll be fine. I'm always fine. I'm on that hospital. Yeah. They're like, it's going to hurt or make you know what? I'm like, yeah, but I'll be it's me. I'll be fine. Like whatever the curve is, I'll be ahead of it. I'm always ahead of the. Maybe you haven't seen my resume. I'm just going to show the story of your life. And they're like, this is very sad. Your back's still going to hurt. Yeah, exactly what happened. Your mom should be in jail and your back is in pain. We'll find out in a few weeks and four weeks if I've recovered enough to where we can say, okay, this was the right surgery and it's enough. And if it's not, then I may have to go back in and have more work done. And then I've got that tumor situation, which I've got to look at. But we found the goat. I think I mentioned before we found the goat. Goat in your spine. Jesus. Goat in my spine.

11:22Now there's a lot of it. He's chewing on a roll of dimes. That was the problem. Yeah, they'll eat anything. We got an appointment with like the guy who is the head of the cordoma center, which is like just cord tumors. Is he a vautism? Probably. That's the good ones. Don't even trip dogs. Sometimes they introduce you to a surgeon who doesn't have autism. Get that fucker out. Absolutely not. So we got to talk. So let me tell you some hopefully funny stories. So you always sound like I say, hold on. No, we got your commercial break and then Thomas to forget to tell them. So that Eli never gets to hear that. You know the only thing worse than the assumption that someone without autism can do surgery, why is the auto ads? The auto ads, the constant pain that Tom is in of your podcasting experience, but you can make those go away with morphine morphine does work on auto ads. And it also works over at patreon.com. For word slash D roll dad's wear for his little as a tolerant episode. You get a commercial free version of every single episode. But it's a little parenting story at the end, which is a lot of fun bonus episodes. All sorts of good stuff.

12:22Check it out over at patreon.com forward slash deer, old dance like pain into Tom. Should he derest to stand up? Rip into it. Proof would ball his back and so are the predictions. Trade yours on cow. She America's number one prediction market platform. Indie takes on Kansas City with Indie currently trading at 28% to win. A $100 trade pays out $336 if they win. Download cow she. Use code hoops to get $25 when you trade $25. K-A-L-S-H-I. Cow she. Trade what's next? 18 plus only restrictions and eligibility requirements apply. Event contract trading involves risk and may not be suitable for all investors. Cow she products are not available in all jurisdictions. Prices, values and available markets make different from those mentioned. For more information see cow she dot com slash regulatory. This podcast is supported by your Southern California key dealers. Living in Southern California your SUV needs to do a little bit of everything.

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16:28All in the app. No spam calls, no hidden fees. Drivers who save with Jerry save over $1300 a year on average. You'll probably be the first one you know to use it, which makes you the smartest friend in the group. Download Jerry today. All right, so these would be just like random, hopefully, bitches from the experience, but I think some of them are pretty funny. So the day that I get home, I'm like, okay, so you're still on the drugs a little bit. I guess there's still a little bit of the drug time. So the day before I end up going to the hospital, I just wake up and I'm like, hey, something's wrong. And then the next day, I'm in an ambulance. So it was like, it was a very swift escalation of problem for me. And the day I go to the ambulance, I mentioned before, it's like I'd woken up in the morning and tried to use the restroom, gotten an ambulance, which means that like I was at the emergency room by eight o'clock in the morning. And then it's an emergency room. So you're there fucking forever until something happens, right? Yeah. I'm in a bad pressure in the emergency room every 15 seconds. Give me a take. And when you're in kind of a lot of pain, your blood pressure is high.

17:30Like you're just, that's just the thing. So I go there and I'm there and they get me finally admitted after they see like the tumor and they get all fucking excited or jerking each other off about this thing. They get me admitted into a room and out of the emergency room, but it's like 11 o'clock at night. So I haven't eaten anything all day. Like at some point, like even if you're just, I'm still, I'm still me. I got a fucking eat something. I have not eaten anything. You make the pain stop and also make a break. I got so much of these. Thank you. And I know that like the best case scenario, like I'm not going to probably be sleeping too much. I'm kind of in and out of things. I'm like, is there any way to get a foods here? You know, is that like a thing? So I find out that they had put me on the cardiac restricted diet because my blood pressure was high. My blood pressure was high because my pain was through the roof. I don't have any cardiac restrictions. I don't have high blood pressure. I don't have anything like that, but they're just like, we got to put them on the cardiac stuff. So morning rolls around and I can finally order food from this just fucking atrocious, atrocious

18:31hospital menu. And it is like entering into a fucking hostage negotiation because like, if you're on the cardiac menu, that means you can only have a certain amount of sodium. Okay. Fine. But none of the amount of sodium, yes, right. So they got this menu and none of the sodium numbers are written anywhere on the menu. Oh, so you got a guess. So you got a guess. First though, I talked to the nurse and I'm like, hey, I'm, you guys roll cardiac for diet. I'm like, I'm not a cardiac patient. She's like, oh, let me look. And she's like, yeah, they put you on a restricted diet because your blood pressure is high. And I'm like, yeah, but like since the pain's been better controlled, the blood pressure is down. Yeah, right. My throat's not sore anymore either. Yeah. Yeah. Like I'm getting, you know, 12 milligrams of morphine every four hours. Like, it's down. It's fine, you know. Take it down. I'm pretty cool. So she's like, I'll talk to the doctor. The doctor is like to the hospitalist. It's like right out there and he comes in. It's like, oh, yeah, we can get rid of that. I'm like, oh, cool. So I was like, wait a little bit and I called the number to the kitchen. I'm like, hey, I want to order some food. They're like, you're on the cardiac diet.

19:32And I was like, oh, no, I just talked to the doctor and I'm like, oh, they have an updated system. Till the update the system you're on the cardiac diet. So I was like, well, I don't want to. Could you refresh the page? That's not what I want. Yeah. If you press command or. Yeah. Not a little too late. Shifts are. Yeah. Sometimes. Sometimes. I don't know if you'll wait until we see. So I was like, okay, I'll give them an hour. But I'm really fucking hungry. Like now it's been like over 24 hours since I've had anything. I'm going to free off rather than eat a fucking low sodium. I'm not eating fucking oatmeal and sadness, my guy. Like an out of a list I have to. I'm like, okay, I'll give it another hour. But I'm fucking uncomfortable. But I'm also on a bunch of drugs. So like time does weird shit too. So like it's not that big a deal. I gotta let some time go by and I called the number like, yeah, you're still on the fucking cardiac diet. And I was like, God damn it, they're never going to fucking update this thing. So I was like, all right, final. I guess I'll have a heart attack. I don't know. I'm fine then I'll show you assholes. So then we enter in this hostage negotiation where you say things and they're adding up

20:36whether or not they can comply with your demands. And then I'm like, okay, so I'll have this. Oh, no, you'll be over. Well, how much will I be over by? X amount. X doesn't mean anything to me now. I think about it because I had none of your items are listed. Another person laughs on the other than the phone like, aha, and I'm like, okay, is there like a limit to the number of this? Like, yeah, you can only have two from this category. And I'm like, okay. So I'm trying to like figure out. It's a fun riddle. This is a fun riddle. I like this. And I'm just like, I'm trying to get in a volume of food into my fucking stupid band system here that I need to eat. And it's to keep the fucking sodium under whatever number it is, the mystery number that they, and only the only person that knows is the fucking food service guy down at the other end. And I'm trying to do this. And I'm fucking completely out of my mind. Wow. I have no ability to do this negotiation. I'm not up to this task. This is well beyond my cognitive resources. I finally like get this massive order. Yeah, right. Exactly. I finally get this like order of food, none of which I want. But it's like an acceptable volume.

21:38I'm just trying to order for volume at this point. And I fucking kid you not. It's 45 minutes to an hour for them to bring the food up. They bring the food up. They fucking walk in the food service guy, walks in with that fucking food sets it down. Follows right behind the food service person is the nurse. Good news. The cardiac thing's been taken off your diet. Yeah. And I was like, I fucking hate you. I hate everyone here. So much. You bring that volume tray over here. I'm right. I still ate it. I had another insane food exchange at one point. Tell us there for 14 days. So 12 days then went home and then came back for two more days. That's a long ass time. Holy shit. Two calendar weeks is a long time to be in a place that is literally just meant for old people to die in. Yes. You're not wrong, brother. To fix the arms of children who fell off a playground, the old people to go to heaven with Jesus and nobody else. Anybody else in a hospital, they're like, what are you doing? Weird. I want you to move on and tell us your second food story. But I do want a 12-form moment on being in an emergency room and waiting in an emergency

22:41room. Yes. Because we started out as atheist podcasters way back in the day before we became the hit sensation parenting podcast, Neural Dance. And so a lot of people in our community identify as humanists. And if you ever want someone to stop identifying as a humanist, put them in an emergency room for zero minutes. They'll be like, oh, the human experiment was a failure. I should bring this money into the because it is everybody in a room having the worst possible day. My child is sick. I am dying. I have been shot. Violence, murder, death, rape, sorrow. It's all the worst of humanity and the most bored, unhopeful staff of rest. I imagine they must go through a Navy SEAL-esque training. Right. You know that monkey that they rubbed against the wire monkey until it went insane? They must do that to the people who work in the emergency room until their eyes are as

23:44dead as their souls inside so that they can just hand you a form while you scream. Just, no, you got blood on the signature. A bear is dude in like arm and is still on there. Like it's the bear is there and they're like, all right, wait over there. Yeah, the bear has to do the form too. Yeah. But I'm going to lunch. So yeah. Let me sell just so you know, so that bear is honestly the bear's blood pressure is higher than yours. So he gets the high salt ahead. Let me add to that because like I'm going to I'll actually read some funny. Well, I think they're funny. Some tax messages that I have. I have a friend of mine who's a doctor. He's an ER doctor at the hospital that I went to. Oh, so this guy, Dr. Yoke, but it's Scott for me like Scott. You just get a doctor's guy or yeah, Scott great. He doesn't want to listen to. He listens to some of the shows. So um, he's great to do. Dr. Scott doesn't want you to read his text. But that's just go off. No, he doesn't. He's a pure private doctor. No, this is funny. So like when I get there, I think I'm just having like a hard time managing the pain. I need a little help. I'll get a little bit of help. Maybe they'll send me home with something and then the next day I'll do like the MRI I

24:48was already planning to do. That's what I was still thinking. So I'm just like middle of the afternoon. I'm like, Hey, are you working today? I'm in your ER. My back's all fucked up. If I'm here and you come in for your shift, stop by and say, Hey. And he's like, I started nine. I said, well, I sure hope I'll be gone by then. LOL, right? Haha. So then he responds back like funny or whatever. Then later that night, I'm like, Hey, they're admitting me. I'll probably be upstairs somewhere before if you get here. And he's like, want me to look up your MRI. I see it just popped up. I'm like, yeah, sure. And then it's like later. It's like one in the morning. I love this guy. This fucking guy cracks me. He was wise. So funny. Something looks fucked up in your spinal cord. I don't see a bulging disc, but I don't like what I see. Oh shit. Oh my god. I'm just getting overspinning. Oh my god. Right? Like, and I was like, but Scott, I use my spine every day. That does not see my deal. Haha. And then he comes back to me again. No, it's not your spine. It's your actual spinal cord that he asks me to do. And things.

25:48I don't know anything. How often do you use your spinal cord? Now it's almost two in the morning. Oh, well, something is going on in your spinal cord. Bug acts surprise when they tell you since I'm not your doctor. But the official read comes back before I leave. I'm getting neurosurgery involved. Then he comes back like a little bit later. It's like two thirty in the morning. I'm calling my friend, Dr. Jones. He's a great neurosurgeon. I'm waking him up now. I'll make sure he's the doctor. These are the messages I'm getting. Like I was like, okay, all right. It's the middle of the night. Like, hey, buddy, I'm there. And he's like, I'm calling people in the middle of the night. This is not great. Then we had, you know, a little bit more stuff. He was actually very, very good. He stopped up several times and visited me. And like he was actually the first person that showed me the pictures. Like he was there before the surgeons. He's like, you see your MRI and he had one on his phone. And at one point, he's like, yeah, I stopped what I was doing. Like in the middle of my shift and just spent like an hour reading through. That's really nice to have that kind of friend. Jesus. It was awesome. It was. It was awesome.

26:48I'd like the tech messages to be a bit less casual. Like I appreciate these side lines when I run to my butt. Oh, D.C. I don't know. He's sitting like, yeah, right. Yeah. Certainly memes about the class. It's the class, hand meme. And it's like, you're spine dying. Yeah. And that's what I kind of was like me when my spine. I feel like maybe I'm in some action trouble here. And then it's so funny too, because like he didn't see the disc problem down below that I actually had surgery on because he was like focused on this other issue that we're not going to deal with until whenever to October or whatever. All right. So another food situation because the food situation is like, I think it's a big time. Are most of your stories just food? Have we met before? Have we? I guess they're all food. I kind of want to give Tom the space to breathe and live his life. But I could dwell for the next 10 hours on Tom trying to order food by volume in the most pain he's ever been in. He was like, how many pounds of brown?

27:49Dude, you're like right there. So I'm still, I'm a, I can't stop being a fucking crazy person. I've been like losing some weight. I've lost a little over 20 pounds. I'm very controlled about my diet. Oh, yes. I should go to the budget that maybe I need to get a little job. They're going to cut off his legs. So this is exciting. That's going to be a lot. So like you get this hospital menu of food and it is weirdly the least healthy food. It's crazy how gross and unhealthy most of the food is. For dying people. Yeah. So like I'm looking at it. I'm like, okay, well, I still want to hit my goals. I still want to hit my protein goals. I'm going to get your fucking macros in the hospital. Just some degree. Like I'm still going to get a chicken sandwich and not like the grilled cheese. You know, I know that you are the love of my life. But could you give me a fair life? It's just the protein. The double filter, triple filtration. Are you kidding me? She brings in like 15 like shakers or whatever. Like, not the whole thing wants to. I had no idea in fairness that I was going to be there for this long at this point.

28:50At some point I gave up and started ordering door dash. I ordered door dash. Yeah. You can just do that. Well, not if you're on the cardiac diet, by the way, because I have. Really? They'll shake you down. Oh, yeah. I fucking asked. I forgot that part because like I was like, I'm just going to order door dash. But then I'm like, someone's got to go get it for me because I can't go get it. So I hit the oh shit button and the patient care tech came in. And I was like, hey, if I ordered door dash, can somebody go grab it, you know, for me or will they bring it right up here? I don't know how it works. And she was like, oh, yeah, we would go grab it. But not for you. You're on the cardiac diet. And I was like, God damn it. Mother fuckers. You thought a meat was going to come in and be like, I need the code. Sorry. What's going on? A four or five sound. Door dash guy just barging into different rooms. Someone's giving birth and someone's getting some was dying. So he leaves it in the hall. He's going to photograph a wet bag. He's going to find the address, photograph like someone's arm getting cut off. The morgue downstairs. I mean, you know that's not where I am.

29:51I'm still giving you five stars because I don't know how this works. But I want you to know I'm unhappy. Chose the tip before you got here. There's nothing I can do about this now. So at one point I order like they're like grilled chicken sandwich and it arrives. And it is a piece of chicken that is two thirds the size of the smallest hamburger bun you've ever seen in your life. It's got to be two and a half ounces of chicken. It is the thought of chicken. It's it's the ghosts of chicken past like I've had eggs that are bigger than this. He fires to chicken. Yeah, it's fucking absolutely absurd. They literally like brought it to me and I stared at it like in disbelief and horror. Like what is this? This is the best part of this hospital visit. So that I call up the next time I place on. I'm like, all right, is there a limit to the number of chicken sandwiches I can order and any given order? There's this like long pause on the other end of the phone. And the person's like, well, no one's asked that before. And I was like, well, I guess we're both learning something new to person. Yeah. Could you read a little bit of food and go back to your hospital?

30:54I said, I want all the chicken sandwich. You are legally allowed to provide. So I did discover my stay that they have limits. They have limits on all of it. And I also discovered that my previously cast iron stomach has still not recovered from eating that food. I never get an upset stomach from anything like I'll eat people's leftover. Like I'm just like, well, whatever, I can throw it in the machine. That hospital food was it? My stomach is still stuck because drugs, that stuff can affect your liver. It might make you don't fuck up your tongue, tongue. Yeah. I might a lot of stuff. I don't know. I didn't realize that like the intense hockey I play, I didn't realize like that's a big part of why my stomach's always fucked up because my digestion, I think just like stops. It stops. Yeah. I'm not doing anything. And so like two, three times a week, my digestion gets fucked and then that's why I'm always fucked. I've decided to blame it entirely on tiny chicken sandwiches. I've decided that all of the blame is entirely to be placed on tiny chicken sandwiches.

31:56Cut six months into the future. Well, you didn't eat two little chicken, did you? Like, when you expecting a certain amount of chicken, because that'll create a tumor in the size of a roll of the tongue, you're spine. And I'm glad we caught it before. Oh no. One second, I'm getting a text from Scott. It says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, it says, I also have this thing where I was very aware that I'm in the hospital. These people are all taking care of me. I'm dependent on everybody until I actually had the operation. I couldn't get out of bed to use the bathroom. So I had to like hiss in a shame jug. Like, and that's, I want to tell a funny thing about that. So like, I tried to get to the restroom and I couldn't get to the restroom. I remember this. You're telling us about that. You messaged us about this and we were like, hey man, don't try to get to the restroom and you were like, I'm going to. I probably got it. Yeah. I tied the curtains around my neck and I'm like, wait. So like, give you like this year and like a shame jug, right? But like the way that the hospital room was set up, and this is a very nice hospital.

32:58Like the way the hospital room is set up, there is no privacy curve for some reason around the bed. This one doesn't have it. Many hospitals do. This one has nothing, which means that like people just come in and out of your room whenever they come in and out of your room. And maybe you were like hunched over trying to piss in a jug when they show up. They're dicks in this jug for no reason. That just looks fine. It's totally like, I'm jugging it. So, jugging it over here. So like they give me this piss jug and I'm like, all right, I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm jugging it. I don't know like if you've ever encountered trying to piss some place where you're not supposed to just. Oh, your body does not do it. Won't do it. Oh my God. Thomas, it won't do a weird. Okay. I had an emergency situation where I was stuck. This was years ago. I was stuck in some weird fucking. I don't remember what, but for some reason I was stuck in the car in traffic that was never ending and I had to pee in a bottle. Have you ever done that? I was like, I was going to die. It can't be done.

33:59Yeah, it took me. I eventually did it, but it took the most effort of anything ever to where I was like, what is the force stopping me? Like what? I was so framed to not pee in a place where you're not supposed to pee. That's supposed to be so interesting. Speak for your fucking job. You guys peeing right now. Gentlemen, I'm not kidding. I could piss myself right now, mid sentence. That's insane. That's insane. Something's wrong with you. Yeah. I tried to just like laying down is a lot less pain than everything else. I was like, I could just lay down and then my body was like, no. And then I was like, well, I can sit. Well, sitting was an absolute horror show. So I'm trying to sit on the edge of the bed. The pain was just so ridiculous. I couldn't relax enough to get that done. And then I was like, well, maybe if I'm in a half standing curled seat, I'm trying all these insane positions. Yeah. I guess what I'm saying. I'm trying not to cry and piss and a piss joke. And in the whole time, you're constantly aware that somebody could walk in the door

35:01at any moment, like while you're like hunched over, like, I'm trying to get the flow started. God damn it. Like just trying to like use the goddamn bathroom was its own. Nurse, you're like coming in here and singing rivers and roads. I need some more. I sing rivers and roads by the hand in the heart. I don't know why. But I need it. It's me going so glad it's not just me. I thought about that forever. Just you too. No, you're just a psychopath. No, this is a fucking weird psychopath situation. No, this isn't. No, I could pee anywhere. It's a potty train. I'm Eli, a psychopath, you know? You think maybe that's what it is? I think it is. I think you're entitled. Yeah, right. Yeah. Eli's like, I had nobody could walk in. Nobody else is real. It's fine. It's fine. Let you pee anywhere anytime. Like, you're a trash rump on the table, you know, just never. Still, too. Why would I not pee in front of people? What are they? They're not. No, it's completely okay. There you go. It all adds up.

36:01Do you know that that's a thing in the kink community? Is peeing in front of other people? So that is a big thing is that there are lots of people who are into pee and there are very few people who can actually pee on another person. Like it is a huge, you're like a commodity. You're like a, I was a fucking golden, for like a better girl than a chicken child. I was like that. Oh my God. That's so funny. So yeah, if you need someone to piss on you, Tom, let me know. Okay, I think I don't. I think I'm good. Yeah, but if I find out, I'm gonna piss on you just in case. Well, now is your time. I can't. I'll just be like, yep, you sure did that? Anyway, we took a swift step backward. I can't get you. This is the worst 10 things that have happened to this year. Top 50 for sure. Okay, top 50. Top 50. Top 50. It's in the, I'll make a new list. It's in the list. I'll make a new list. Oh, Tom, why?

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39:06Cash account offered by wealth fund brokerage LLC, member PhyPc, not a bank. A few other things I just wanted to chat about. So when I was in the hospital, it was very aware that everybody is there and they're all working really hard to take. Jokes aside about the ER and the indifference of the ER. Everybody was very, very, very kind to me. And when I got up into my room and was admitted, there were no exceptions. Everybody was extraordinarily kind. The kindness was kind of overwhelming. And I made an immediate note. I was like, I'm gonna get to know everybody's name and I'm gonna ask them questions about who they are and I'm gonna try to get to know people a little bit. And not just absorb this. I'm gonna like try to like make some, I'm stuck here. I'm gonna make some relationships as best I can. And make it all up and see around the piss jar. So tell me, nurse, do you have any hobbies? Well, you're not totally wrong. So it ended up where like I knew things about all the people that were taking care of me. Like I knew their family, how my, what their kids were like, what they, how they got into nursing or why they became a patient caretaker, whatever.

40:06Cause they're coming in constantly. And like you may as well make conversation. There's literally nothing else to do. Did you use realized inner party questions? I did not, I did not. But I got to know two of them well enough that when I got readmitted, they saw that I got readmitted and they came down to visit me from another floor. They gave you a norm? They were like, he's back. It was actually like really, yeah, I wish they were actually both like I really wish you weren't here. I'm sorry to see you back. But it was such a nice thing to do. This is such a better way to be in life and I will never do it. Like it's so funny. Tom was kind of an a manic state telling us these things or me, I can't remember which. And I was like, man, this is so genuinely impressive that like he's in that much pain, he's making all these connections. And it's also pretty beneficial. Like unfortunately, the quality of your care is probably not insignificantly affected by making these connections or at least like not being an asshole, you know, which is I'm fine with that being a fact. Yeah. But like I still could just never do it. It's too hard. Like I don't, it's weird. You know, I always feel like I'm bothering people.

41:06That must be what a part of it anyway. But Tom, you just able to network with anybody. There was like a night nurse at one point who like I got a vibe that she didn't want to chat. So I just left it be. But like most people like they come to see every couple hours. Yeah, you know, you're in there for a long channel. I'm kind of thinking you were in there for what, what did you say for the 14 day, what did you say? Yeah, 12 and two, so 14. Yeah, maybe on day like three. I think that'd probably be like, all right, apparently I'm fucking here. So who are you? What are you? What, tell me a thing. How tall are you? What's the normal question? I feel like you could have unlocked that if we could gotten someone to be wrong and stupid loud enough next to you. Right, like I feel like if a guy was like, no, dude, listen to me. Obsession is about how crazy bitches are. You know what I mean? All right, never mind. Hey, take the scuffle away. So he's like, you know what I'm saying? She asked, remember she's asleep and says, she was, you know what I'm just clapping. And then he got in on the subject of like, I don't know, family and friends too. Like I just, I had this experience too where I was in there and like I just want to like give some specific like shout outs or whatever.

42:08I don't know. He's so has been like unbelievable. He's always been such, he's been such a good friend of me for 30 years. But like he knew that Haley couldn't, like she physically, once she can't drive. And she still is, she's not like, it's not like I got hurt and she suddenly became more capable than she was the day before I got hurt and less, you know, unwell than the day before I got hurt. Her needs did not change just because I got hurt, which means that she did come to see me several times, but she couldn't be there all the time. And like she could not be physically, she just can't be in the hospital for eight or 10 hours. That's not a thing she can do for me or for anybody. And she would have loved to have done it if she could, but she just literally physically can't do that kind of thing. So it's this like, is it because she doesn't love you enough? No, no, like I actually been reflected. Like it's something that I like what I like, I've been thinking about this a lot. Like, you know, when somebody has been, that creates a like a requirement functionally

43:09for the other person to be chronically well, right? Like if somebody is chronically ill, somebody else has to be chronically well. And when that doesn't happen, it's not like the chronically ill person becomes more well, right? Because if that was the case, they were faking it. That was untrue the whole time. I got very nice. Somebody guessed that. Now, and that is very not true for Haley. So it created this like, I don't know. Maybe that's why she's afraid to go into the hospital. Is there like, oh, no, not a fail. There's nothing wrong with that woman. None of that is. Hey, I'm not. I just walk it by. I've never been to. I'm just wondering, MD Anderson in March. So, but like it creates this sort of like crisis point that can't really be resolved, right? Because like, I can't not need help. And she can't help more than the same amount of help she could have done before. It's not there is no more reserve where she would have already been offering it, but there is still a need. And so like Cecil without even thinking,

44:10I don't even, he didn't, he just was like, hey, I'm taking this time off. I'm going to be there, wins your surgery. I'm going to make sure you have a friendly face when they wheel you back at a friendly face when they wheel you out. They both visited me many times. My dad was there several times. I actually had visitors. I think every day, but like one or two that I didn't want visitors, where I was like, I'm just not up for it today. I'd like just please know thank you. But I had people bringing like they sent me food. They showed up. It was just really unbelievably good. You had way more of a social life in that time than I did for sure. Yeah, then Thomas has to. He's normal. Yeah. Thomas easily. My social life is not particularly active. It hasn't been for a while. I had people come out and visit me that I haven't seen for years in person. So like my buddy Rob, he drove out two hours. And I haven't seen Rob in four or five years. And he was just like drop everything and he just hopped in the car on a day and took a day off and just hung out with me for several hours just to be there. Cecil lives an hour from me, like an hour from me.

45:12He's not like he had to take like days off of work, move his recording schedules around all that kind of stuff. And he was just like boom, I'm there. No problem. It was just incredible. Haley was of course there. My kids all showed up like at different times. Donovan and the other thing I want to talk about next is like the boys specifically Donovan and Finn. They had completely rallied around here. Because like I said, like Haley's still exactly as sick as she was the day before I got hurt. So like she can't just pick up the slack. It's not a thing. It's not possible. She did exactly what she could do, which was more, but like she pays a pretty serious price for doing more in a given day. So she can't just like do all the stuff that I do. But Donovan and Finn just like swooped in and they just they woke up a'sland at five o'clock in the morning. They got Aiman off to school at seven in the morning. They made sure that the laundry got done. They took care of dishes. They made sure the cats were taking care of and the garbage is around like they just did stuff.

46:13They just took care of business around here. And they were like happy to do it. They were like they were happy to do it. They rallied and they've continued to rally because I still can't do much. Like my day to day functionality is still low. So like they're still on the do the stuff train. Like they're still doing all the stuff. That you know, when you got hurt, he said the first thing I did, I wanted to just do all of your host stuff. I wanted to just take up all of it. So you didn't have to think about it. He's like then it sucked. And so I did one short. No, but he did, they did so much. Like they did it, they did so much. You know, 19 and 20 year old boys, they didn't really have to be told too much. You know, they need to be told how to do something here, what to do there, but like they didn't need to be told to help. They just need to be told kind of like how to be most helpful. Donovan drove Haley every time she needed to go anywhere, including every time she came to visit me. And that means he had to stick around while she and I hung out together.

47:14And the hospital's a 30 minute drive for my house. It's not a five minute ride, you know, it's a 30 minute drive from the house. So they really so many people. And like I want to say this too, because it's not only men, but it was mostly men. Like I am a man supported 75% by men in my life. My Lynn showed up, I don't know what to call her, my stepmom, I don't know. Lynn's a clenched. Lynn showed up, she showed up twice and it was wonderful. It was actually she was really, really sweet and she was really searching the room. She did flip the room. Yeah, I know there's the fucking salt in here. I know there's the sodium. But like we talk a lot about this show about like, you know, toxic masculinity and problems of like emotionally, like a stunted man who can't connect with other people and like the loneliness crisis that men experience and all that stuff is real. But like, Haley was there for me, 100%. Aislin showed up for me. I'm not saying women didn't show up. You know, Lynn showed up for me. She was, she was there. Cecil's wife Sarah was there, but like Cecil was there

48:15and my dad was there and my buddy Rob was there and my son Fingan was there and my son Donovan was there and my friend Chris was there. Like, and my, my other friend Kevin Michelle's names about your son Scott was there to be like, oh, you're broken and dying. I'm just saying, I had a lot of men show up for me too. Like a lot of me showed up for me. I know. And I thought about this show. Like, but I was thinking about it. I was thinking about this show specifically and like, and that that's something that I look at. And I'm like, I had other people that like my buddy in California texted me every single day to check in on me. I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd a guy down the street who's checking in on Haley to see if he could have my buddy TJ was checking in on, on Haley to see if he could help her in any way. It's just like this outpouring of support and so much of it was like this outpouring of like, men who were like, yeah, I'm, I'm your guy. I'm here. You guys checked on me. I don't know how many times, many times. So like, I just like look at that.

49:17And I'm like, it's possible, you know, it's fucking possible. Like all that shit, like we can get all worked up about how like all this stuff in the world is shit. But like you can build a network of good, kind loving, caring, empathetic men who will rally around you and shit goes down because like I fucking have it. Yeah, I'm not going to. But one could. Yeah. You see, because that's her. Lydia's not going to visit him. That's going to be, that's rough. On the floor, but now we were doing a podcasting in the stupid hospital room. So I'm going to go to the next. You guys would. I'm Serena Williams and I'm healthier on row. I've lost 34 pounds in a year with GLP1's diet and exercise. On row, you can access GLP1 options, including the first FDA approved GLP1 pill for weight loss. Go to row.co slash journey to see if you qualify. At 14 to 20% average weight loss in one year in non-diabetic with obesity or overweight

50:17with a weight-related medical condition versus 2.2% to 3.1% in placebo art. RX only. To stay informed about serious side effects, go to row.co slash safety. Before I switched to wealthfront, my APY was probably 0.1. One size switch is chitching. With a wealthfront cash account, earn up to 4.2% APY on your cash. I can trust. Wallfront is taking care of me. Make your money earn more. Get started at wealthfront.com. Clients were paid $1,000 for their testimonials, creating a conflict of interest. How concerned? 3.3% APY as of January 30th, 2026 is represented, a variable, and earned on funds swept to program banks. 265% new client boosts with 3 months on up to $150,000. Direct deposit $1,000 a month and fund an investing account for a 0.25% increase. Cash account offered by wealthfront brokerage LLC member, Fennel SIPC, not a bank. So it's just something. It's one of the many things that stood out to me. I knew Cecil would be there for me. He's my guy. But just the thought that, hey, I don't want you to get wheeled away without a friendly face. And you might not have one. And he's just like, I'm going to make sure I'm there when they take you back to the operating room. Like, that's such an incredible kind and loving and empathetic thing to do.

51:20And like, I just had such a huge base of support. And I continue to have just an overwhelming amount of support. It's kind of ridiculous. It's been a hard time. And I know I've been going on a long time, but one more thing I want to talk about. It's kind of been a big deal for me. I've also been, and I told Haley about this the other day, like, it's messing with my mood to be hurt this time. And I've been hurt before and it never messes with my mood at all. Like I'll usually be the first one to laugh about it. Like I might get like, no, it doesn't mess with my mood at all. But this time, it's messed with my mood. I am like, I'm having a hard time waking up and just being like, yep, good day today, you know, like I'm not in a great mood most of the time. And that's a new experience for me. And I've been reading about why that might happen. And it actually might be something specific to like how nerf pain, fox, a theorem, a big deal. But like, it's a real effect that I'm experiencing. And that's made me feel like not myself.

52:20And that's been really hard. I am surrounded by so many people that have rallied around me and supported me. I am okay. I'm going to be okay. I've got some worries that are like, not distant, but like I, they're not here until they're here. And I've still got my whole life in front of me that's probably going to be just fine. But like, it's weird for me not to wake up and feel like myself and to feel like grouchy and to feel in like a just not, not depressed, but just, yeah, I guess a depressed state for myself. Like if I'm normally at a five, I'm at a three and I'm like, well, what the fuck? I don't, I don't really know what to do with that. I've discovered that like, I can't work out. And that's a stress relieving skill like for me that I read your little lad bike. Can't write my little lad bike. I can't take a walk around the block. So I'm just sort of like, I'm a guy without skills. It turns out to be unhappy. I don't really know how to be. Can you turn into one of those weirdos in the recumbent? Is that the word recumbent? Oh, if I, if I have to get a recumbent bike, I'll buy one.

53:22I've actually already started looking. I was going to say like, I don't think any amount of someone explaining to me how better that is could never make me do that. I'm sorry. I can't. Oh, I feel like that's the only way to get out and do it. Oh, I love it. And it's little tube. It's a little backwards bike tube. I'm glad you have the cycle. You would ride a trun cycle through the woods. That sounds cool. If this tumor fucks up my legs, I've already looked like there's bikes you can buy. There's things you can do to just use your arms. I'll be like, fine, I'm never skip arm day. I'm doing a story. Yeah, that one's cool. But I'll be, I got to do something to be clear. Thomas is not saying that people who can't use their legs are stupid by the way they just think so. I know he said that on other episodes. Yeah. Yeah, not until I'm in the hospital bed, will we get that take from me? No one's going to know. Oh, the show's a little late. You'll forget to tell everybody. Literally only Patreon will know that we're like, hey, episodes late. So yeah, that's it. I just like that's the only thing that I've been like kind of, it's been weird for me

54:24is the depressed mood. I'm having a really hard time sleeping because of all the, I think it's all the drugs. They put me on like the steroids and stuff. Like I'm getting like three hours or so asleep at night. I'm substrugling with this one a little bit. Like I'm not going to lie. Like this one has been hard. I this recovery has hurt more the, the after effects have been and then there's been like this like weird mood effect to the whole thing that I didn't anticipate. And I've discovered that like some of my like coping skills and strategies for stress, they're so physical, like they're so physical and then absent my ability to physically like do stuff. I'm like, oh, I actually don't have a lot of good skills. Well, there is nothing worse than getting sleep deprived. Like the amount that that screws with you is just, it's insane. So you're saying these, the drugs kind of made it so you can't sleep? Yeah, they put me on a shit toe. So after I got readmitted, and that's relative to you too. Yeah. Right. That's more usual three hours. Well, that's the thing is I'm not and like there's like I'm getting like three or less

55:27very often. So it's been that's been so bad for your brain. Yeah. I know because they put me on a shit ton of steroids to get the inflammation of the swelling down because that's why I got readmitted. So they they sent me home and I thought like, oh, it'll be fine. But like they sent you home and they put like a, like kind of a long acting pain killer in the in the area. And then that dissolves and goes away. So by the time I woke up the next day, that was gone. And it was the nerve had inflamed up so bad that it basically locked it on the new MRI. They did it. It locked itself all the way back up again. So I needed a couple of days of pain intervention. And then they had to kick up just like a ridiculous amount of steroids at me in order to get the inflammation to go down. So and then and then I'm almost out of the steroids. So I'm tapering off of them now. But yeah, they fuck up my sleep. I take them and I can't I'm just awake. I just cannot sleep. And then if I sleep, it's fitful and I can't stay asleep. So like my sleep quality is like three hours or less. And it's like super low quality sleep. So but I'll leave you with this guys.

56:31I've lost all of my hospital weight. I get four pounds. I get four pounds and I'm still a fucking crazy person. You got stick to your macros. So I did. I did my way in yesterday and I'm back to my pre-hospital. Look, if you have just been hospitalized for a fortnight and you haven't already taken off the pounds, we hate you. And I know it was a fun. I'm a lunatic. Biggest. A lot. A lot. A lot. A lot. A lot. A lot. A lot. A lot. A lot. A lot. A lot. A lot. A lot. A lot. A lot. A lot. Police say they have nothing to go on. No. That's good.

57:41It's a nine with slurs. Two calendar weeks is a long time to be in a place that is literally just meant for old people to die in. There's a goat in your spine, Jesus Christ. I've decided to blame it entirely on tiny chicken sandwiches. That bear can't have any salt. Troll, lalalalala. My dick's in this jug for normal reasons. I swear. I'm jugging it.