First Things First / Primary Purpose

0:00Morning Sam. Good morning out. Morning recovery people everywhere. Morning heemish, one god. And Marley. Marley. If everyone's well, he's watching Train Tech. September the 19th. I am the source of all life. When you get into rhythm with me, everything flows smooth and many souls wander why life is full of ups and downs or why many things go wrong and immediately they are ready to blame everything and everybody but themselves. When you take time to find out why you are out of harmony with life, you will often find that you are not putting first things first and that you are failing to take time to go into the silence and find out in the peace and stillness what I require of you. It takes time, it takes patience, it takes faith and belief. It

1:04means you have to learn to be still. I want you to learn to work out the answers to your problems alone with me. I long for you to rely on me entirely for everything. To realize your strength, your wisdom, your understanding, all come from me. That's true, it's a net when we're not putting first things first. When we're living in that problem, we're not finding any solution, we're not finding any, like we were saying yesterday, we're not working any principles around our problems, we're not finding any acceptance or perhaps going to more meetings or doing more work with others. You know, I like that bit when you're going through how to do the steps in, I can't remember which chapter

2:11is, but it talks about the sex problem, but it actually relies on, it's appropriate for everything else when it says we asked for the right ideal, the right answers to come on any subject. And to do that, you've got to be still. Nothing for me. I'm just thinking, you know, first things first is Stacell, where

3:25you're going to be. And if you've got that kind of meaningful purpose, you're lucky, you know, because that's kind of nature of humans to find some kind of meaning to life. And I'll go out and see the cover. Don't pick up that first drink. Stay clean and sober one day at a time and help other alcoholics achieve sobriety. And you'll meet that your power to. Or if you're helping out, it's your going back through the book every time. It's a primary purpose. And you're reminding yourself of things like, I saw that yesterday, you know, ask for the right ideal. And it reminded me, remember our American friend

4:32reading that. And he says, you just, you know, you can choose it for all aspects of your life, not just the sex problem. Of course. Step 9. You're going to the meeting and playing with trains. I'm doing service. You're doing service. After taking this preliminary trial at making amends, we may enjoy such a sense of relief that we can clear our task is finished. We will want to rest in our laurels. Attemptation to skip the more humiliating and dreaded meetings that still remain maybe great. We will often manufacture plausible excuses for dodging these issues internally. Or we may just procrastinate. Telling ourselves the time is not yet. When in reality we have already passed up many a fine chance to write a serious wrong. Let's not talk prudence

5:37while practicing evasion. As soon as we begin to feel confident in our new way of life and have begun by our behaviour and example, to convince those about us that we are indeed changing for the better, it is usually safe to talk and complete frankness with those who have been seriously affected, even those who may be only a little, and not at all aware of what we have done to them. The only exceptions we will make will be cases where a disclosure would cause actual harm. These converse conversations can begin in a casual or natural way. But if no such opportunity presents itself, at some point we will want to summon all our courage, head straight for the person concerned and lay our cards on the table. We need to wallow an excessive remorse before those we have harmed, but amends at this level should always be forthright and generous. There can only be one consideration which should

6:41qualify our desire for a complete disclosure of the damage we have done. That will arise in the occasional situation where to make a full revelation would seriously harm the one to whom we are making amends, or quite as important other people. We cannot, for example, unload the detailed account of extra-maritor adventuring upon the shoulders of an unsurpassed suspecting wife or husband. And even in those cases where such a matter must be discussed, let's try to avoid harming their parties, whoever they may be. It does not lighten our burden when we recklessly make the crosses of others heavier. Many are raised to question can arise in other departments of life where the same principle is involved. Suppose, for instance, we have done a good chunk of our firm's money, whether by borrowing or on a heavily padded expense account. Suppose that this may continue to go undetected if we say nothing. Do we instantly confess our irregularities to the firm in the practical

7:41certainty that we will be fired and become unemployable? Are we going to be so rigidly righteous about making amends that we don't care what happens to the family in home? Or do we first consult those who are to be gravely affected? Do we lay them out before a sponsor or spiritual advisor? Earnously asking God's help and guidance, meanwhile resolving to do the right thing when it becomes clear cost would it may. Of course, there is no pattern so which can fit all such dilemmas, but all of them do require a complete willingness to make amends as fast and as far as may be possible in a given set of conditions. Above all, we should try to be absolutely sure that we are not delaying because we are afraid for the readiness to take the full consequences of our past acts and to take responsibility for the wellbeing of others at the same time as the very spirit of step nine. It's a dilemma isn't it that it is better to talk to someone else about because otherwise

8:47you could use a lot of that to say, well, I don't think I won't make amends for that. I'm going to harm that person. I won't make amends for that. It's too harmful. So that's why it's good as it says, to talk it with a sponsor or spiritual advisor because it is about the family. If you harm them, do you really want to inflict more harm on them? Because you are making amends, you are mending your ways, you are not going to behave the same way as we did when we were drinking. But sometimes it is just advisable to talk to someone about it. Yeah, in my experience as a sponsor, I tend to err on the side of caution. If you are willing

9:47to make amends, but it's probably not a good idea to do it from the point of view of the damage it could cause. Don't do it. We are not saints. You don't have to work a perfect program. The main thing is to stay sober and if you are going to admit to something, it's going to make you bankrupt or go to prison. I just don't do that. You've got to just be practical in some circumstances and things. But if someone is just scared of making amends to their family or their children because they are just fearful of it and they will go back out drinking. You've got to overcome it. You've got to find the courage and me.

10:52I've gone to your employer and say I'm sorry about that and then you get psyched. Then you're out of your work and you probably have a resentment against your sponsor and I could put drink in minutes. It's very personal and it's very, you know, your sponsor by step nine should hopefully understand it very and know when you're just being fearful or know when it's going to be harmful. Because for me, making amends was about me personally being able to hold my head up high afterwards and being braced back into the family. Slowly, it took a while. It took a long while. Without those amends made to my relatives, not my immediate family, then I would have probably stayed away from big family dues. I've seen them now. I don't see them often, you know, my ex-in-laws and stuff. But I do like seeing them. They're part

11:56of my family, part of my history and without those amends, I wouldn't be able to see them.