How Adapting to Trauma Wires Us for Shame

This is part two of our shame series. Be sure to listen to last week's episode for an introduction into shame and how it relates to self-esteem.

In this episode, we go deeper into the real reason shame and grandiosity show up in our relationships. We explore how early childhood experiences shape a part of our psyche called the Adaptive Child — the part that learned to survive through fight, flight, or fix strategies.

You’ll learn why these once-brilliant survival patterns often become the very thing that keeps us stuck in shame cycles as adults. We break down the three parts of the psyche, how trauma gets stored in the Adaptive Child, and what it actually takes to re-parent that younger part of ourselves with compassion and firmness.

If you’ve ever wondered why your reactions feel so automatic and intense in relationships, or why “just loving yourself” hasn’t worked, this episode will give you the missing piece.

In this episode, you’ll discover:

• The three parts of the psyche and why most of us spend our adult lives in the Adaptive Child
• How fight, flight, or fix becomes your default survival strategy
• Why the Adaptive Child carries and replays shame and grandiosity
• How childhood trauma (big or small) wires these patterns into your nervous system
• The powerful truth that shame and grandiosity are actually the same emotion pointed in two different directions
• How to begin re-parenting your Adaptive Child so it no longer runs your relationships

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