I Had My FATHER'S Baby! Stace Don with Victoria's Voice | True Crime Podcast 822

0:00Soy el Po, reportista alto rendimiento. Por eso le pongo la firma San Gorsalud, una cobertura alto rendimiento, con todo lo que necesitas. Escucha. Cobertura en todo el país. Atencione el Niña 24 horas, más de 200 clínicas y profesionales. Plangen, planes para empresas. Así como yo y firmado también. San Gorsalud. La buena salud, esto. Superinterncia de Servicios de Salud, 0800-222-72583. www.sssalud.gov.ar. Número de inscripción 1137. correspondistas en hola y un maritscope y todos ese tipo de vosotras en mi teve 5 años le jos de total Almerazza por tanto los destas nietisugares son del pesa o salvo sumas por hyvin y serή al adorable para serurno. Además de incentivar 600 de los bathtes se stationan proud,uschones esa cosa y perchando traecen throwing carnichos cinematicos como la Zelda'

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10:27Es que por si todos estaban relacionados con ustedes Ejela muchas gracias a todos pero que unitaré a sushi después engulate mis ojos propon tantabuster y entonces seperti así de la familia que seared kaffar la salida como bugura que una cosa va de 10 moques que hiciste zitante en uncertainidad, stadhad countries que cuando avait junto con su mama. Yo no me shrim Mi papa ha la vuelto exam是 singular, y súper bredo aportado por miắn que presten la Nigeria y no hay casijadios shocking. Así que 對�� später que tiene épocas puree, Dios no desde ti habrálusive guitars así y que se van a nedificar como un pokecán que seuspira en ningún momento.

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12:31del FS SP por eso. Emí, por el tiempo en donde sí, la cara estuvoavia de pensante. Así que por ser que estaba coger, yo no ha visto la familia además de la gente, ahí tienes los dragged a nosotros. Y luego yo era una Andrea, porque ended up en ellos. Tienes ganados por INF reasonable. Es un gran empleo amarilla existsas en ti, por estar así todos en mi camino. 10 añosszych,hinado recuenta pasta para montar la cámara y con lasvtámicas y mi cliente, doctorsño me puse elaves con las amigas y yo es muy orgulloso por la madre y era una bisцевos, molt example. El sur para me tienes que ver con las amigas' y me spl一點 en la怎麼樣, tan heierencuso. Más joven de la masa iets, pero a vu 1993 abrieron la foto y todo ese quretchedena. que

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21:00La clase en tu Faculty. Igual battling tours, ¿ centenЬos? No, esa era Jerusalem. Es que teowa creativa cuandolicting Pilates emphasize. Dale así ¿ehstring, unaOrisa de disminución? n theirma simple and Jedi I just yeah. Wow, wow, wow. I mean, what, what was the damage done? What did he do to you? Were you in hospital after that? Yeah, so I brought my ribs sort of he left after that and it just been my siblings birthday and all the times was all over the firm and when he left he said, make sure these. I was his target when I get back I'm going to with your with every single thing that I place and I just looked at all these porque нравłam adolescentes, pero yo quedaron en la cara les va a estar yo como se soupo con lodamn Coke en la ambannada, Holly meTuó solo nuevamente que él empecé con él

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25:07y el environment también alive. shellahabla a muchas personas en todo el tiempo referred, soja 10% de Gol En Cristo paraurar la baby y me He This Beautiful gift por los años. HeNEK goledado a WOW'N'T THE Beast Was una USS again Un anci been sauter me ha habido un montón de colombianos y es una fe y es como, ¡Hi Lula! porque mi amigo tiene mis habilidades y me piensaba que era una fe y es como, ¡Hi Lula! y me ha habido de los colombianos porque me he pensado y lo que me he pensado porque es como, es un coso no me he pensado de mi y es como oh, no me he pensado de mi pero yo me he pensado de mi si me he pensado de mi si me he pensado de mi no estoy en knowing está en mi busto

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31:05nadie deperió en ese lado sóloshipé de puntos So she's collapsed at the court with my sibling. So I built a rope and put my sibling back in the car. I helped her walk, tucking into the kitchen when I got my sibling. I went back, but I forgot the dummy. So I went back in the bedroom and got the dummy. And as I'm walking out, you're in Lula. And as a turn round, he's just smacking inside of my drawer. I was shattering my tooth in my drawer. Yeah. What's wrong with this guy? So the next, honestly, it's my nurse. And then the next morning she managed to, she got her mum and managed to get out, but it wouldn't let my youngest sibling go at that point. So they ended up in a court case. Anyway, then he lost the youngest sibling. But then because she was gone, he tried to portray me as his girlfriend and try to normalize things like it. It invite people around girls around and try and make me do

32:07things with other girls in front of him and stuff. And then try and make me do things to him and stuff. And hey, so just just rewinding back slightly with your dad. And this woman that he was wearing at the time, you say she was a couple of years older than you. And how old were you again? I was 17. And she was nine. OK. And he was pretty nasty to her. He would have been, did you have a good relationship with her at her in that house? Yeah, I think we found comfort in each other. Yeah. And then she left. And she left with the kids. No, she went up to the kids. So did you end up looking after them? Yeah. And then the youngest ended up going, changed up winning the youngest. So she managed to get the youngest back quite quickly. And then he kind of turned on me.

33:09And then physically, physically hurt me. So even like little things. So I used to lie in the living room. And it was quite military. It was never in the army. It was armoured training. But then it was discharged on medical ground. So he's never actually been in the army. But it perceives that he's the light loader stop working. Right. Military. So it's like, it's like, it's in the up in the living room. And you'd have to put your head right to the floor and bring yourself up. And every time you didn't do it, it just smacked it. It's the muck. It put bank cards in my mouth and go on to it. And start laughing and saying, well, I can give you a Chelsea green. You'll have a nice scaring if you touch in my face like, like, well, a scour would be. It grabbed me by my neck and slammed me against his bedroom and pointed to me in my stomach. And then the one time I was doing washing. And I put the wrong color in the wash. I think it was a dark wash. And he'd come and held a white t-shirt up at the door.

34:11He went, he's washing on him right now. He went, well, I want this t-shirt. So I put it on after they come around the counter. So where the kitchen door was he? He was like a breakfast barry on the washroom was behind that. And then the kitchen units and the rest of the kitchen. And he'd come all the counter. And he'd just swipe me to the floor with his legs. And every time I tried to get up, he'd let me that little bit further but kick me back down and literally make me beg to get up. I started on one side of the kitchen. And he'd look up to your brother just in proper pain but very many times he'd not allow to cry. And I was literally crying begging to get up and every time I would just eat your anus. And he'd just do things like power tricks and stuff just to know that he was unbeatable sort of thing. And then he'd start just, when every time I had a bath he'd just start coming in the bathroom and getting in my bathroom stuff. So I'd stop having baths. And my brother would go over to you like, he's like, you're earning it's watching. And at first I'm like, it's alright.

35:11And then he's like, come here I'm washing your hair. So I went over to the kitchen sink and he'd buy all the kettle to wash my arm and he said, I'm pouring it in the cup and putting cool water in it if you're through the kettle water over my head. So I'm holding my head, I'm screaming, like just wait a minute, wait a minute, I'm gonna put cold in it, he'd buy all the kettle again. It went, oh I'm sorry, sorry, sorry. It's trying to make it all like, it's definitely worth it. So sorry, I, this guy's evil, absolutely evil. Has he been to prison before? Like he sounds like the type of person that has been in and out of prison for all sorts. It's never been, he's got. So I found this out all the time in my book that he was known to the system for conviction for sexual activity with a child. But he's never been to prison and then he used to thrive after the fact that he's done

36:13these to a few people and he's never been caught, do you know? And then like the sexual activity, you know, because he did, he was sleeping with that 40-year-old girl even though it went for the school computer, he worked on Victor, that either. And I know a couple of people that have come forward while I've been doing my blog and my book and they've said like, he did that to them as well, do you know what I'm saying? But he's never, he never got any trouble for anything. And then he started sexually abusing me. So you want to take a break? No, I agree. Okay, make sure. All this time that you're going through this, you've got no one to speak to, there's no one adult inside. You're dealing with all of this on your own. Yeah, yeah, I taught my bank card, I taught my money off of me. Because I will get any of them and I was going to be trying to get an overcoach ticket to get out of there. But he ensured that I was stuck with all the doors and that being locked. I can never really be out of order.

37:15It took over my college emails and my MSN and he'd be having conversation with my mates and my mum and they thought it was me and it wasn't me. Because I weren't allowed on. It would go onto chat rooms, but like only girls chat rooms, you know, so he did this with his ex as well. He'd portray that he was a female. And then if people challenged it, he used to make his ex go on the camera, but because she weren't there anymore, he used to make me go on the camera. And then it'd be having like sexual chat with people and then go in the kitchen and be like, like, like, literally reply to them, but I'd go on. And I wouldn't even have no idea. Like the chat was disgusting. I didn't know what to type. I'm just so sorry. I'm just so sorry. It's just, it's disgraceful that your own dad did this to you, you know. We haven't even got to the part that I think is probably

38:16the most disturbing. So let's talk about that if you're ready. I personally believe that with the story that I've seen, it felt like he was grooming you from a young age. Do you think that as well? Yeah, a little bit when I look back the way that you used to buy me life, even sweets and stuff. And that would push me to go and see him and start me belly because I've bought people with life. So we'd manipulate him, I brain, but obviously I was just too young to comprehend that. So yeah, when I look back, I do feel like it is a form of it to gain control, to gain power because that's obviously what he wanted over me. What was the first thing he'd done to you? So he'd brought me an email on the computer but not sending it. So gone off and he's like, you've wrote something there for you, Lulele. So I sat down on the chair but he's like, over my shoulder. And it said, Lulele, I really fancy you.

39:19So I went to Typen and then realised you were watching what I was typing obviously like, whether it was really deep in me and you know, also I was trying to be careful and whatever and then I just put like, you're my dad. And I like girls, that's what I put off. And he went, move. So then he sat on the chair and he told me to go back and it was like, I haven't brought you up. No one would know. So if I didn't bring you, if I brought you up, it'd be wrong but because I haven't brought you up, it's not wrong. Like you try to normalise it. Then he'd have people coming round and trying to make me do things with people in front of him and stuff and then trying to get me to do things with him and I was just like, no. And then it, because I said no, I'd take the girl into the bedroom and tell me to sit on the end of the bed while they add in a course. And I literally, I remember sitting on the bed

40:20and I was just like this with the thing and the resistor and I didn't know what to do. I knew I couldn't leave that room but I didn't want to stay here. So I tried to like disassociate myself from what was going on. And then it's that parking up at like, do you know when you have like parks and like the like, like country parks and they've got like the gravel car parks and like disillounded by like trees. So there was one called private park that we always took into. And Chick-Roll Park was another one that I took into. There was a couple more places but I just can't remember. And they just parked there and it tried like putting his hands down my fence and then for like, stop. So like I started after that blowing through two poles of track all the time because it just made me feel really uncomfortable but then it get right in my face and start grinning and you'd like, you want me to be nice to you don't you

41:21but he's like there in your face. So it just tried to like really overbumble me and stuff and then the night of my, the night before my 18 birth these the first time you. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Jesus. Jesus. I mean what, what the hell? What the hell? I'm so sorry. So what happened after that? What I mean you must have been completely confused. I was so confused and it happened a couple of times and different things.

42:23And like some things I'm still processing now and like some things I'll come to me and I just, like I didn't even spoke of one because I just didn't process that enough to be able to come to terms with it myself but yeah so I made a few times after that and stuff and he'd continue what I was doing. And then I started getting really really poorly and I worked obviously well I loved out of the house but I told him I was going to go on to connections to try and get a job. So he let me go but I wasn't, I went to the doctors and I went in the doctors and the doctors in me and he was asking me questions like if we got both friends I'm like no, he's like is there any way for a person that I was like no, like if you had sexually active I was like no because my head, like I was able to quiet because of my childhood and stuff I've kind of regressed to stay as a child so I'm really like I was mentally a lot younger so I couldn't actually comprehend so in my naive head I was like you have to have a boyfriend

43:26you plan for a baby like this and it never actually sat with me that I'd had sexual intercourse you know obviously not consensual but I just couldn't like grasp it. Yeah you can make the connection or I get them. Yeah so I was like no I was like look I'm going to give you this test I want you to take it and then come back and I've put these tests in my pocket and obviously like I was being like a strappy little teenager and I'm just told him I'm not like I've done anything and they started over and I was thinking all these thoughts in my head and I'm walking back down the street and I walk past connections to go back to the house and I went in and reading this leaflet and I'm thinking don't even know what I'm doing I don't even know what made me go in there and do it but I did the pregnancy test, come back positive and I'm walking that street and I'm like listen I just want to be able to be able to be alright I literally got around the corner from the house and I swear to God the penny

44:26it was like shit this is not just me so I walked in the house and I was longer than what I should have been obviously because I was in the doctors and connection and stuff so he was angry so when I'm gone in and I've gone into the front room he's grabbing me around my neck and propering and he's pinned me up against the his bedroom door and he's usually doing anyway and he went to punch me in the stomach and I just went I'm pregnant I don't even know what I've got yet I don't even understand what I'm doing that moment in time and he just like dropped me to the floor, kicked me in my head and then for the next couple of weeks you're going to have to get rid of it, it's going to be disabled and they were calling it all these names like disability I don't like repeating because I just don't think it's nice he's like you're going to have to get rid of it I'm like no I don't have to know where I got my strength from but I'm like no I was got rid of the baby

45:26I'm not doing that and stuff and do his life so you might as well just talk to yourself and he used to tell me you'd be able to kill me and tell everyone that I travel back to the world and I'm not making it and stuff as well so I genuinely fall I actually could get rid of this so obviously I was good and then he started panicking because apparently went to in 2008 so this was in 2007, in 2008 it was supposed to come out that kids had to have DNA to come when they were born so I ended up in kind of some like mad game but I said please just let me go back to my mum's when the baby's born I'll come back and I'm moving I'll come back so I even mummed with this story before that I'm only pleased because I think I'm going to make some of my neck and stuff and I reported that it physically assaulted me but nothing else and the police officer worked around said you can't but please bring mum home so obviously the police had already pre-spoken to mum and that it hit me

46:29and then he got on the front of my mum and I'm thinking mum please go out say anything like because I knew the police had been in contact with her and it's like what will you lose her now to the self-indos or she met a guy on the motorbike and she disappeared within footnight I'm absolutely feeling with her but she's come back and now she's pregnant because she's coming to stay with you and then England was on the TV and it was like the guys called John Casza and it's a mixture of John Terrians got cast and they played like I remember it I was if there was a stud there now and my mum went yeah yeah she can come back and like saw them for the next couple of weeks I was like trying to keep my head down it was part of this game plan like yeah yeah I'm going to come back but obviously I won't because that's like and then it was his birthday on the 20th of June and I'm sure it was five of us there on the same day and then my my dream was booked for

47:29the coach was booked for the 22nd of June and on the 22nd of June like luckily I managed to get out of there Wow wow boy oh my goodness me that is insane insane do you have a recollection of how many times he or do you I'm going to say about seven or eight wow was he doing this to other women as well because you said he had a young girl friend and he had girls around the house were they young girls yeah yeah and I know he's like with multiple girls I'm under 16 but because he's not been convicted and the police knew about it in my head like obviously now and all like no girl can consent for him

48:29because my daughter's 18 and I couldn't even imagine it you know so now and all but back then at that time I didn't know whether it was the add consented or not because there was like a blur with the where the system was working and what it was getting away with and stuff oh my goodness me wow wow and this was all under the radar you had no one else in your life I mean you must have been really scared being pregnant yeah I was that was bad so when I got on that coach from Essex and it drove off I felt like a relief yeah for a bit but then when I got off the coach at your friend the only thing I could do the only way I could describe it I remember I remember I was only like 12

49:29were you pregnant but I was really really small so I could you could say yes and it was just like credits of a film would just rob you behind me I had to process all that trauma I didn't even have transition to it like to this age and now I'm pregnant and now I've got to be a moment it was like I just left a horror show and I had to now know all the answers and I couldn't say anything because it told me it warned me multiple times before I left that I was it I ever speak out it's gonna bat on my granddad it'll kill me and it will kill my baby then it's like he needs to sell the time these predators put the fear of God into you because they'll threaten you they'll still do all sorts to keep you quiet really but the thing is he must have known the truth would have come out

50:29because it was his baby it honestly he would have never thought that I would have opened my mouth and I nearly never did so I went through the pregnancy on my own panic and at every scam but they don't know what they're looking for do you know and I was scared and I didn't know what it was meant to feel like to have a baby and one baby and everything else because I was like I'll over and I chose to have a but I didn't choose to get pregnant do you know it was just difficult and then I went to the first scam and every thing and obviously like I always saw it as my baby but I don't believe in abortions I never had done and then when she were born she was perfect and I was still determined in the back of me I didn't want what they're looking for I was expecting him to come in the hospital the longer time I'd gone on because I promised him I'd go back I expected him to turn up on my

51:29else I was absolutely scared and then I found out that my daughter was too I found out that I just had another baby with another woman and it was her first birthday when I was growing through Facebook and I sent a picture of him with my sibling and I went up with him myself I had to ring the police and that's when I went to the police and he got charged by my daughter with free and I was like wow well done for you for going to the police like hats off to you because you were probably living in constant fear for them three years or however long it was when you left him I mean this guy

52:29sounds like the devil actual devil and I was like oh no oh I didn't even tell my mom to tell my mom because needed DNA offer and I didn't say anything to anyone and even when he got convicted and it was all like my mom and my mom was friend that new and I could both other people and then I didn't say anything until my daughter was in 2021 when my daughter was 14 when I actually started speaking out before that I would just shut me and close doors I would beg in system or beg in social services for help they said you're the only case in the UK what was to do you your daughter was a guinea pig that fucked me up

53:29and I was lying to her like I was lying to her and then I had to tell her the truth because he was following her and then she started presenting me and creating challenging behaviour then the social services is saying that to me I had no words to them Wow so he came tried to come back into your life so he got he was arrested but did 3.5 because he did a plea bagging with the courts but I only found that out when I did my book so he came out and then he started to harass you guys yeah even for my social work he knows what I'm doing he'll always know what I'm up to wherever I am but his social work said why don't you just leave her alone he said but if you had a child and you couldn't see it and that's to my own social work and he wrote everything about me

54:29and he even always told me he always know where I am and what I'm doing he shouldn't be allowed anywhere near you there should have been a restraining order out on him he should have gone in yeah he should have been relocated somewhere when he came out of prison not anywhere near you he was out of prison and was supposed to remain in Southend and he got relocated to Manchester right next to Manchester what am I? what am I? and then he got caught in order but then when I'm on the police they won't find him on his system because he changed his name and then they told me well he got evidence I said what do you want me to do and said it's just having like a risk of reporting myself and doing that and then all we can do is log it so he meant no fear

55:29that's insane absolutely insane and there's another problem with this as well because when people change their name they can apply for a DBS and the previous checks somehow get miss so this guy could pretty much if he wanted to work in a school if he wanted to and that's really scary he could have worked with children, with vulnerable people he could even live in a surrounding area with playgrounds and it's not okay I mean it's something he needs to change what was your support system like after you had your daughter I had my mum that was it and then I ended up in a unhealthy relationship I didn't realise that I was recognising unhealthy comforts I was in that for eight years then then I started and then he started

56:29on and everything else and then at 13 I had to tell the truth without any support despite how much I begged and asked for it and then I had a massive breakdown and asked for them to send me everything alive but I actually couldn't see the life I just didn't want to be there anymore I just couldn't battle anything anymore it was just way too much and then I started blogging and the response that I got off the blog and like literally I just put a couple of articles out of snippets in my life to try and unsuppress everything that I'd been keeping in the world I was literally from around the world like it went global in the space of a year in it 50 countries and the support that I was getting on that it was helping me to give me the strength to keep speaking out

57:29and keep speaking out and it kind of gave me purpose I'm like literally my blog said my life because since that I know I'm not on my own the system just shows me I'm on my own and then I went from my blog and then I got the opportunity well I moved over to Northern Ireland from my ex partner and Kedi started to be able to adopt a normal lifestyle and stuff and I literally moved back to England to a year ago because that relationship unfortunately brought down but in that time that was the only option just to hold it

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1:11:51uh, for was it months? Yeah, December till June. Wow. Did he feed you? Yeah. Yeah, he did. Mm. But he wouldn't let you leave. He would not let you leave. No. Was there any moments where he would lock you in rooms? No, I didn't do that. I remember one time I tried, he had a go around, and I tried to get his gargies and I got in the gar, and I'm trying to start the carnivore and then I'm driving the line for anything like that. And then it started the engine. And then I was like, right, we'll just go, and I'm just, and I'm talking, these boys is made like, just go up, press the bezels, and I'm like, and then I started thinking like, I wouldn't even know how to get back the old one. But I don't know the rules, I don't know how to drive, and then I was thinking like, what if I crashed the car, and there's a baby in another car, or what if I crashed into a family, and I'm just in the engine off, and then I remember actually sitting in the back of the car,

1:12:53feeling sick, and then all of a sudden, reality ate me like, if he catches you all, or this always you are, for sort of literally just quickly lock the car, run back in the house and put the gargies back. I'm so sorry, because your dad's meant to be your protector. He's meant to be the person, a man that you should look up to, and he destroyed all of that for you. He was the epitome of evil, and that wasn't fair, that really wasn't fair on you, and in a sense, it's affected your future and who you are, but you have done a lot of therapy, and you have written a book and blogged. Do you want to talk to me about your therapy before we talk about your blog? Yeah, so I started doing, so I've done bits of therapy, so I did some, I'm diagnosed with CPTSD, because my visuals, my flats back, when I'm talking about things, I'm mentally go back into them places, I can scan the room,

1:13:53I can tell you what's going on for me. So it's quite severe, my CPTSD, so I did some EMDR, and my body was responding to it, but it made me really, really polished, or the artist put a stop on it. What is it EMDR? So I've movement, desensitization, something I think it's called, because of me. But yeah, so you like to think about the trauma, and then like to bring it to like the forefront of your head, and like actually make you feel, you know, like when you've been drinking for a while, and you've got like anger, and you feel like that, like that's how it makes you feel, it's really in seconds, like my body properly responded to it, but it wiped me out, I'm membersleeping, I only had two sessions, I tried to do the third session, I ended up putting the phone down, because I just couldn't do it, and I ended up sleeping like for a full week, and I ate completely exhausted me. And then I've done CBT, I did a child trauma,

1:14:54I did the freedom program, I've done some counseling, and then I was on the list for a psychologist, I did a couple of sessions, but then I moved to Northern Ireland, so I went in the remit, and then I was waiting for a psychologist over in Northern Ireland, but obviously my relationship's just brought also, I just had to come back, so now I need to put myself on another waiting list. And what would you say was the best therapy in your opinion for you? Probably a few sessions that I had with the psychologist, and the freedom program, I think that is absolutely amazing, that is a brilliant program for people, and the EMDR just unfortunately, it just made me absolutely poorly, but I know it has worked because the couple of traumas that I did speak about, it doesn't affect me the way that they used to. Okay, okay, so are you still in therapy at the minute?

1:15:55No, not at the minute, so I've just moved back to England, so I have to back up myself, back on the waiting list and stuff. And you and your daughter, I mean, your relationship must be really strong, you've been through hell of a lot together. How does your daughter now process this as an older woman? She's 18 now, so what's kind of her path at the moment? So, Kate, since we're gone to Northern Ireland and stuff, she started living in normal life, started going out and stuff, and yeah, she's doing really well, so I managed to get seized in mass in English, she's just finished a level two health and social career, of course, Abund is absolutely brilliant. Obviously, it's not been easy, it's been a rollercoaster and a half, but I think since she was 16 and my book come out, and then she understands more now. So, before she wanted to know where she came from, she wanted to understand the right,

1:16:58as I didn't know she'd go to the event now and stuff, and she did want to meet him. Like, she understood it with the interest, but she wanted to know where she came from, sort of, England, which is understandable, which was really hard for me to try and process and digest, but now she don't want nothing to do with me, and she's so supportive of me, and so protective of me as well, and she's actually going to start speaking out. She's got a couple of magazines, it goes coming up, so it's starting to speak out in her own words. Wow, so she actually wanted to meet him. Did she meet him? No, no, no. So, what stopped her in the end from not meeting him? Social services were going to set it up as a one-time visit, despite him not being able to have contact with me, arcade, you definitely sort of don't understand that that was going to pull out, but I didn't want to turn around, so we're going to know he can, because then she's going to, you know, I learnt that myself.

1:17:59So, I just said, I'll speak to social services, and we'll see what we can do anyway, they're working on a normal and extra-aware, and then they come back to me and said, I don't think it's a good idea, actually, because was that going to end? So, I was quite grateful of that response, and then time passed, and she just kind of got over the thought of meeting him, thank goodness. There's always that niggling thing in your head of where you come from, and even adopted children, they want to know, they're not even though they want to have a relationship necessarily with their biological parents, but I think it's just more so to see who that person is and what traits you have from them. But for her, this is quite a complicated situation, and it's confusing, I think, for her as well. Does she ever kind of speak to you about it, and ask you questions? No, I think,

1:19:00I think it is quite comfortable now, you know, I think she's content with knowing that she's got me and stuff, and, yeah, I don't know if she's doing that to protect me, if she's got a really good mask on, but, yeah, no, I think she's all right. I will. It would never be a good idea for her to meet him anyway, because he's an absolute evil. No, it's just through the same to work with me. Yeah, yeah, and you could never trust him around any child, and, you know, you couldn't trust him around any child, even if they said, oh, he's a reformed character. No, he isn't. He'll never be a reformed character. He could pretend to be, but he certainly would never be a reformed person that could be allowed around children. And I've been a predator since, since he was 21,

1:20:00so it's now nearly 60, so that's along what I'm training is give himself to mass manipulate people. He can't reform someone like that. Unbelievable, unbelievable. So you started blogging, which was a, is another form of therapy for some people when you write, and you put all your emotions on a page or on a laptop or whatever. It helps process your feelings and digest them in a sense. But then this blog that you were doing was for you, really, just for your own mental health. And then it blew up, didn't it? Do you want to talk to me about that? Yes, so I remember, so I went and like I broke down and I was like, going out and I was hanging about with one ill for people and I turned to put one of my mum's friends one night and I was like, you did this because my mum was there and I'm like, like all the anger that I carried up inside the age,

1:21:01you know, I was just threw it all out, you know, like I was just so angry, I was like, why wouldn't you be a mum to me? Like, why are they so angry? Like, why did you let that out? And I'm just threw it all out of it. And a minute, it turned around to me and went, stess, why don't you start blogging? I went more WhatsApp, you know, like proper like, Fingingie and he said, just, you know, you've got a lot of things inside your head and you're like, oh yeah. And then I got home and I was thinking about it and he's, I remember him saying to me, if you bite it down and send it to me, I'll build your blog site and you can just start posting on there. So I was like, alright, well, what forgot to leave you know, like I was at the bottom anyway. So I remember sitting in my bed and I remember putting a bit about me as the title, and that is my first article. And I started just typing, and which of this article was wrote within five minutes? I had suppressed that much, that I could just dissect, like a bit about me, like so quick, and then I sent him the idea of it because of my format of texting. And then it went on the site

1:22:02and then I thought, I'm going to talk about my school life. So like the way that, like the different, where's a went through school being in and school, being out of school, like Norman Elf and me and struggling and being called a problem child and my not to be heavier to the teachers, like dismissing the signs and stuff. So I wrote a school life and then I wrote loads of things about like talking about my school life and start to finish. And I sent it here and then I did another one about my mob, because every salon's got a wrong story. I didn't want to get any hair and stuff and next minute, like I'm getting responses and messages from my blog and I'm just like, and people talking to me telling me the story and that they can relate to even little things I saw putting one in my blog post or Norman ever asked me if I was actually okay. And there's so many people that just related to just that little sentence was absolutely unbelievable. Next minute, like the blog stats were coming up and it was hit in like a miracle, an Italy, a Spain and all these different countries.

1:23:03Like I'm not even heard of, I can't even make a volume novel. It's like 50 countries in the space of one year. Wow. That's incredible. Because your story, I know I've said to you in a voice note yesterday that it's unique. But it's unique in the sense that you spoke out and you've given your account to what happened to you. And you are shedding the stigma that surrounds this type of a bit. But it happens more often than we think and people don't tend to talk about it. So if you had a lot of women that have come to you and said, this is what's happened to me. I have the same experience. Yeah. I've got quite a lot of inboxes over the different social media platforms of people in the same position of me, but whatever I was 10 years ago. So they've not got the support.

1:24:04They isolate themselves in the house. They tell me things like the child is treated like a freak shows or they won't go out and they won't do things and you know what? And it's actually a artwork. Who's helping these people? It shows that the system's not progress because I was there like 18 years ago until six years ago. And now these girls are still in that situation. And when I look back, my mum was in that situation. So like, what is it going to take for it to just feel like no, like, we're going to have to start up with points of putting funding into the victims and into these cases and taking them for what they are rather than shutting people behind closed doors and all the credit was always I is housing support, is funding support, is rehabilitation funding, is they're funding? Now you've gone walk the streets now because you've done the same and you are right. It makes no sense. Yeah, it seems that they plow more money into the predator than they do to the victim.

1:25:04Yeah. When these girls have contacted you and these women have contacted you, have you had cases they've had a child with their father? Yeah, all these people that I'm talking about they have. And then there's a one's word they've obviously been by different family members and you'll be surprised I want to actually go on moving the family beyond closed doors. And where is the majority of these women from? Do you have it all around the world? Yeah, I've had quite a few from a different country, quite a few from a miracle. Really? Yeah, and a lot of people are from the UK. Wow. Yeah, America in the UK. How interesting. Hmm. Yeah. Very nice. They seem not like a problem on our doorstep. This problem is global, you know, and there's no support global. And this is why I don't want

1:26:05to, I don't want anyone to feel so isolated and alone I felt so now I try and really push, because my blood gave me purpose and my, my book coming out and stuff and then it was like, it's just your story needs to be heard, you know. And now I, the people in the support that I'm getting is giving me the strength to walkfully trying to help other people not feel so isolated and alone, because I wouldn't wish that pain on anybody. You're right. And I think they're made to feel guilty and ashamed the victims, because this is not a normal circumstance. It's a very delicate situation in some families, because you will have some family members who will completely deny that it's happened or they will use that abuse against you. And some families you just can't seem to break away from sometimes for religious reasons, sometimes because of the

1:27:06location. It's very complex, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, it's complex. But the, the, the, it's like people don't want to story out there. So they thought it'd be better for me if I was anonymous. And even when I started doing my blog and I was the face of my blog and face of what I was doing. And I never wanted to be behind a camera. When I first started speaking and the magazines were reaching it, they would put different pictures on my story. And I was like, well, I can't advocate, like it's all gay people to speak out and out and out and out and out and out. Other people's pictures they went, no, you're not a well-to-web, you're an anonymity. And then it went on a few months and then all of a sudden it was just plastered everywhere and it didn't even know. So I had to fight to get my anonymity strict myself and I wanted to speak out and it's hard. It's really hard. And then when my book come out, the papers picked it up. Obviously, like trying to promote my story and my book, which is absolutely grateful for. But the headlines they put on, they're not sensitive with the headlines. So as that, it getting trolled. And everyone's like, oh, that's what a boring clinic is for.

1:28:06She's selfish for having that baby. That baby is incestable. And then it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like it's like, I have to justify being a mumbo. He often gets that title and there's just so much lack of a bonus in society. And people are just like, not sensitive around the situation. And they're so judgmental and can be quite ignorant to you. And that's why I am, I'm not concerned with people who are keeping their lives, right. And I'm not feeling this, I'm not really aware of es significando qué está ya, ¿Manada, Zeina? Lo estoy de hacer, hacer un szopo porque bakstucho. El tatooas hier닥 es todo, bueno, Winter estoyeredos en mecan該, aunque aún no hambre la intentionally. ¿Por qué os mandated así que hay más garde? ¿No? gas bien y Road hoe married sellación de siglos

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1:32:29Cha, mi Instagram, emails, from my blog site, emails from my website. Wow, I mean, it's incredible that you are able to support all these women and help them. And I take my heart off to you for doing that. And you know, having the strength to do that as well. Because really, you're reliving your trauma every time you're speaking on this subject. Does it feel like therapy when you talk to someone like me, for instance? Do you feel like you're shedding a little bit more of that weight of your shoulders? Yeah. Yeah, a little bit. And then sometimes I think the more I tell I was driving the monastari can get out there to hopefully be the voice, not just for me, but the people that have asked me to be a voice like it can give me passion and fire to keep going. ¿ometer ya?

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1:35:35normalmente protesta una idea kindness. No campaigns para kita quedan desig難as. arrows, protestante cor als Nashinas Cidளtec con los ranistas mild y rápido de conquistarse ais Inside of it You went in to yourself pretty You went in to yourself pretty Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was like I didn't have no friends If anything like that I would just I would just...I was sitting my bedroom and going to the airport bar and I was just what to be out of everyone's way Did you turn to substances

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1:44:00Si, por serценado ¿Como es el priorito que hay? Sí, y después de eso. Y después no, ok. Es un 6, 6, man. ¿Dónde está el que es ahora? Sí. ¿Qué es su nombre? ¿Como nos llamamos? Sí, el nombre porque ha sido convicto en mi búsqueda. Pero ha cambiado la marco de Hollywood. Ok, no sé si hay gente que se sabe dónde está. Y ahora está el 4 coro. Sí, sí, llegaba los 48 tutos. Nos ha cortado la organised esta Buddhism pero empezés aокойstar todo como meg dragonsés. Si las masa se cottó en S6. O sea, los colores eran del place como nos presentas en Europa donde crliftingoyos de personas que octave bien?

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1:46:02y ella no era la verdad, porque ella se ha llegado a la prisión, por lo que se ha llegado a mí, y ella se ha llegado a la prisión, y ella se ha llegado a la prisión. Wow. Es increíble. Es increíble. Y tú te hablas con las personas y tienes una relación con estas personas. Sí. Sans har naciones con estas personas, que esas mías Simon se haesso Jane y la데, から que los m algorithmos están desperdados con estas personas ¿Comes algo que me hago, porque no tal suями a endings'. No hay nunca embargo, y los personas monstruos que tengES mucho tiempo en Wiz Jason, que está hasta el momento en que hay facilidad. ounded. Sí, realmente este sırrón se松 por su BMW, B y U, Mm a客les m determinedos,

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1:49:04grandes guales, ¿no es eso? Sí, sí. Sí, sí. El historio, también, es increíble, chocando y poderoso. ¿Dónde hagan alguna conexión con estos guales? No, no, no. ¿Cuál es el sábado en los ulls de Área? ¿Cu allt эффater vitlen? ¿Cuál es que không methodsos de gu 단�렷es? Me borde생as... Sí, si, así. Pero cuando mà no hub富, todo el tiempo sale nacidos tão bien así dadozelo. Y con lo que fue para climbing el avanzero, stressful, y coun qualcosa de dyarlor présente lo más cierto sobre cada fena. era dansar la parte de la parte queeredes o fue el aspecto de la dirección? No lo creo ni un aspecto de ninguna couponura. Pero no sé.

1:50:06Todavía está становido un hecho e da una tapa de what happened around me, y eso es de permauser de tenerlo en este settlers. Cuando te Duny окan cuenta todo aquello. ¿Qué fue la reactión de tu área? ¿Dónde se llama la reactión?

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1:53:20You done really well, I thank you so much for joining me, I know it's been really tough for you to talk about are I hope I didn't push too much. No, I must see for eram, but it was, it was great that you shared that story and I can just, honestly, I think you're an an amaz you human being, and you should be proud of yourself, you know, you've come really far and just remember, . y así tenemos el pensando en lo que ha una causa del burner. Y te ha Perhaps mira el punto a éxito. Un pal пот pista. wants to speak out as well. Do you think she'd ever want to do a podcast? As mentioned, she wants to do podcast. She's just got away for these magazines to be released,

1:54:21but once that happens, yeah, she wants to be on podcasts. Which is fine, because I advocate for other people to speak out in the data as 18, and she also has a voice itself, so I'm all an happy for her to go and speak out. Well, maybe you can both join me next time donde podemos hablar si lo quieres, ésta no significa problema yキ ya esta pendiente. Finalmente gracias a udah methras en lo sem suspiciouso con todos pursue 받antes weekly y vi muchos de primero que les estoy haciendo happy as�9 Good. Hamo joka les kmcielot y sauve que todos ya.