IRS - How to See Life From a Completely Different Perspective - E210

0:00Hey, it's Kelly Rowland. You may not know this, but I have Exema. So I get how it can steal your time. But why let Exema take over when you can talk to your doctor about Epglyce? Epglyce, lubricism app LBKZ, a 250-mg per 2-mg leador injection, is a prescription medicine used to treat adults and children 12 years of age and older, who weigh at least 88 pounds or 40 kg with moderate to severe Exema. Also called a topic dermatitis that is not well controlled with prescription therapies used on the skin, or topicals, or who cannot use topical therapies. Epglyce can be used with or without topical corticosteroids. Don't use if you are allergic to Epglyce. A allergic reactions can occur that can be severe. Eye problems can occur. Tell your doctor if you have newer, worsening eye problems. You should not receive a live vaccine when treated with Epglyce. Before starting Epglyce, tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection. Paid partnership with Lili Respect your time. Ask your doctor about Epglyce and visit Epglyce.com or call 1-800-LiliRX or 1-800-545. At QVC, shopping is more than just checking out.

1:06It's discovering something new every day. Start with today's special value. Then explore exciting finds across the brands and categories you love. From beauty and fashion to home, culinary and outdoor living. Shop now at QVC.com. Saturday, September 26th, two of combat sports' most dangerous strikers collide. Bear Knuckle. Liverpool's own down in the Gorilla Tilt goes to war with Cuban powerhouse Yoel Soldier of God Romero. Plus the Bear Knuckle Midow Head Championship of the world is on the line. When the raining champ Dave Varedneck Mundell defends against undefeated British challenger. Check the meat cleaver colon, BKFC 94, Tilt vs. Romero. Watch it live only on the zone. Sign up now at thezone.com. If you've been trying to change your mindset for success, happiness, better relationships,

2:06or just gain more clarity, you found the right episode. So for those of you that don't know, I'm Dr. JC Dornick and for more than 20 years I've helped thousands of high performing and high net worth individuals see things from a different perspective. And that's one that helped them get out of their own way, like it did for me, and create the success in life that they always dreamed of and desired. But watching how reactive, divided, and quick to judge the world has become, I decided it was time to share this with everyone, not just the people who could afford to sit in the room with me. So give me the next few minutes of your time. I'm going to show you the four-step framework that can help you stop reacting to life and start consciously responding to it. And stick around for the last step because that's where you're going to actually flip the switch. Have you noticed that the world that we live in has been doing most of the thinking for you that your beliefs, perceptions, reactions, fears, and doubts have been shaped by unsolicited

3:08outside noise? How easy it's been for you to slip into that default sleep walking mode and label it as life and reality. Yeah, that ends here. Welcome to the Make Sense with Dr. J.C. podcast. This is your opportunity to start thinking for yourself, reclaim control, and step back into that role as the shot caller and dominant force of your own reality. It's when you change the way that you look at things, that the things that you look at begin to change. So let's wake up. Let's rise up. And let's make sense of why and how shift happens. Make sense. Great morning, everybody. Great morning, world. This is Dr. J.C. Dornick, otherwise known as the dragon. And I want to welcome you to the next episode of the Make Sense with Dr. J.C. podcast. And welcome to the uprising of the sleep walking masses. What if I told you that an overwhelming amount of what you call your choice isn't really

4:09your choice at all? So here's what it looks like. Someone says something that you don't like. You get offended maybe, maybe angry. Someone maybe criticizes you in life and you become defensive. Your partner gives you a look and you immediately decide what that look means. Maybe someone cuts you off in traffic. And suddenly you're furious at a complete stranger that you know nothing about. You see something online. And within seconds you've already decided whether you agree with it, hate it, trust it, or think that the person who posted it is an idiot. Are you making those decisions up or something else going on? It almost feels like you made a decision, but did you? Or did your programmed operating system make that decision for you? That question became an obsession of mine after going through one of the darkest periods of my life. I somehow came to the conclusion that turning my lights out was the only solution that I had in response to this idea that I had lost control of who I was, where I was going

5:13and why. If anybody has ever experienced something like that, a lot of people go through life. Maybe you've had somebody that committed suicide or that was suicidal or maybe you've gone through it as well. But a lot of us have our own opinion about it. A lot of us are afraid of that. A lot of us don't understand how anybody could ever get to that point in life. But some of us understand what it's like to be at that point. So during that dark time, I can tell you that I knew that I was thinking in a way that wasn't helping me. I knew that rationally and logically. I knew that I was thinking in a way that wasn't helping me. And I had studied, I mean, I had always been a reader. I had studied personal development for years and years, personal and self development. And I didn't lose sight of all those lessons that I learned in the books. But in that dark time, they no longer pertained to me those lessons. They were just lessons that pertained to everybody else, but not me. I knew all about Wayne Dyer's famous quote that said that changing the way that we look

6:14at things helps the things that we look at change. That was the first person I heard it. I don't know if he was the originator of it. But he always said that if you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change, that's become one of the tenants of the Makesense Academy, the Makesense ecosystem. Why? Because I'm not letting go of that. But I knew about that. I knew what Wayne Dyer said. And I remember thinking, oh, yeah, that's so cool. It makes so much sense. If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. And I knew better, by the way, than what was going on. But I couldn't seem to do better. So I was kind of fucked at that time. That's the way I looked at it. So eventually, you know, with the help of some family, I sought the help of a psychologist. And this is how the story goes, who began asking me a series of questions. I'd never been to a therapist like that. I pretty much thought that they were bullshit. But I started to go down this rabbit hole of complying with all of these questions. It took me down this rabbit hole of all of the life events that had transpired up until

7:18that fateful morning where I got this idea that I was fucked and I wanted to die. In the process of answering these questions hopelessly, you know, but complying all the sudden something happened. And I refer to it as a snap. Is that happened in an instant? Just like that boom, something changed. My circumstance and all of that stuff and the idea of what was actually going on in my life, my circumstances didn't change. But the way that I was seeing them in a snap, just as a result of answering this woman's questions. And if you want the whole story to read the book, but the way that I was seeing my circumstances had changed. So let's just take a stop there. What I'm saying is that the things that were happening in my life that had played a role in me going into this dark place, those things didn't change. But the way that I was looking at them as a result of these questions that this psychologist was asking me, something in a snap just changed the way that I was looking at them.

8:19So that was the first time I really experienced what Wayne Dyer was talking about. I suddenly felt like I had come out from this deep dark hole. My operating system, which I kind of came to learn we have one and meaning making machine went from offline back online. And I was right back in action. All from her asking me a couple of questions and me making a distinction. So as you can imagine, that dramatically changed my life. In the book, I say that day, I made two powerful distinctions and decisions. And that was one, I was going to learn what happened in that series of questions and make sure that it never happens again, because for those of you that have been in that dark place, you don't want that again. But also, I was going to spend the rest of my life figuring out how to help others. I wanted to pay it forward. That to me seemed like such a wonderful thing to do with my career. So that's how we've gotten to this place right now. That is... Hey, it's Kelly Rowland. You may not know this, but I have Exema.

9:19So I get how it can steal your time. But why let Exema take over? And you can talk to your doctor about Ebglyce. Ebglyce, lubricism ab LBKZ, a 250-mg per 2-ml of leader injection, is a prescription medicine used to treat adults and children 12 years of age and older, who weigh at least 88 pounds or 40 kg with moderate to severe Exema. Also called a topic dermatitis that is not well controlled with prescription therapies used on the skin, or topicals, or who cannot use topical therapies. Ebglyce can be used with or without topical corticosteroids. Don't use if you are allergic to Ebglyce. Now allergic reactions can occur that can be severe. I-problems can occur. Tell your doctor if you have newer, worsening eye problems. You should not receive a live vaccine when treated with Ebglyce. Before starting Ebglyce, tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection. Paid partnership with Lili Respect your time. Ask your doctor about Ebglyce and visit Ebglyce.com or call 1-800-LiliRX or 1-800-545-5979. At QVC, shopping is more than just checking out.

10:20It's discovering something new every day. Start with today's special value. Then explore exciting finds across the brands and categories you love. From beauty and fashion to home, culinary and outdoor living. Shop now at QVC.com Live at Pull's Own down in the gorilla tail goes to war with Cuban powerhouse YoL's soldier of God Romero. Plus the bare knuckle middleweight championship of the world is on the line. When the raining champ Dave the Redneck Mundell defends against undefeated British challenger. Jack the meat pleaver colon. BKFC 94. Till verse Romero. Watch it live only on the zone. Sign up now at Dizone.com. Stop wasting your nights on a mattress that doesn't get you. Experience the most comfortable mattress in the world.

11:23The sleep number smart bed at the touch of a button. You can personalize your comfort. Choose firmer or softer. Adjust cooler to warmer. And right now, save up to $2,500 during our massive Labor Day event. Hurry into your local sleep number store today. Because we have your number. Experience left me with this powerful question that I've spent much of my life where I'd say most of my life now exploring the purpose of the book and everything else that's coming. The question was this, why do human beings and that's us react in ways that don't serve them even when we know better? Why do human beings act a certain way that they know doesn't serve them. Could be eating. It could be the way you treat other people even when we know better. So what I'm saying is we know the right thing to do, but we don't always do the right thing. We don't always do things and respond and act in a certain way that serves us.

12:25Why? That's what I became obsessed with. Why do intelligent people like you, highly capable intelligent people, lose their temper and regret it five minutes later? Why do we repeat relation patterns that we swore we'd never repeat again from past trauma? And why can two people have the same experience and experience the same event and walk away with completely different interpretations and outcomes of what happened? Why is that? Is there something unique about each of them? Yes, but it's something that could be learned by all people. I believe that two people can walk into the same circumstance and walk out with the same results. But we have to learn what's going on there. And this became my obsession and I read every book in the world on this. So what I came to understand is that you don't experience reality. It's entirety. That was the first big distinction I made. You experience your brain's interpretation of reality.

13:27So think about your phone. I can't use my phone because I'm using it for a sub-stack. But if you're looking at your phone or even this computer, think about that for a second. We don't see the millions of lines of code that are running underneath the screen. I learned this from Donald Hoffman and it's on my book list. And that was his book that he wrote called The Case Against Reality. We don't see the millions of lines and bits of code that are running underneath the screen. All we see is what we call an interface. That's what he referred to it. So the icons, the words, the pictures, the videos in this situation, the touch screen buttons. And all those things are allowing us to make sense of an incredibly complex system. So use this opportunity right now, whether you're on YouTube or sub-stack or Facebook. And you're watching this and you're seeing this video of the dragon talking to you. And that's the interface. And it helps us make sense of everything that I'm trying to share. But the real truth that lies behind these screens,

14:29it's potentially too much for us to comprehend. So that's what the interface is. Makes sense? Human beings, when we interact and interface with reality in life, we have the same interface with reality that we're talking about with these screens. We have that interface that sits in between us and what we think of things and how we feel of things. The reason why we have this interface that doesn't absorb everything, just gives us a slice of reality. But the reason why it's there and it exists is to help us take an otherwise extremely complicated thing like reality or truth. This is why the simulation theory holds true. Because we can't prove that this is not a video game. Because there's so much more than you hear about like near-death experiences and human beings that claim that they saw something that most people have not seen and people dispute it because they haven't seen it. So you can understand like when I came to learn about the human brain

15:32and the way that we make sense of reality and how it's so limited and it's just limited to this interface that basically lets us make stuff up. So that it makes sense, it may be realized that maybe there's more to it than what we see. So we do that to help us take an otherwise extremely complicated thing like reality and basically make sense of it and also kind of make it up. Everything that happens to you passes through a filtering system. But that filtering system that filters out all the complicated stuff and it interprets it the best way for you at that time. That has been built from your genetics, your nervous system, your memories, your fears, your beliefs, your expectations, but also by your culture, your family, your education experiences, your successes, your failures, your traumas, your habits, and your conditioning. Your whole life experience and every person and everything that's happened has built that operating system, that filtering system.

16:33So right there, acknowledge that we have an operating system that's making sense of things and calling things, giving meaning to things that's been programmed. So sit there for a second. If something's been programmed, you should be wondering by who? So I refer to the programmers that have programmed us. This is not an opportunity to blame. It's just an opportunity to acknowledge that our perception of reality is incomplete. It looks complete, but it's incomplete and it's been persuaded by what I call your MFTPSE. And that stands for your mother, your father, teachers, preachers, society, and evolution that has paid forward. So what I'm offering you is this opportunity to say, well, when I look around and I make up my mind about things, am I making up my mind about things or is my operating system that we now know has been controlled and persuaded and conditioned

17:34by outside forces that we are trusting. So when you look at something and you make up your mind about something, you're basically handing the keys of trust over the programming that you've received. But we also acknowledge and you see this in religion, two different religions or two different political preferences can see things completely different or two different cultures can see things completely differently, but both think that they're right. Well, that's because of the program. Make sense? So we all have programmers, right? And we've been programmed. So from the moment that we arrived here and you were born, the world began teaching you how to make sense of the world. So much of the programming that we received don't get me wrong is very useful. Don't touch a hot stove. Look both ways before you cross the street. Be careful around something that hurts you before. Learn from your mistakes. We've learned those things from our programmers. Your brain learned to predict because prediction is efficient in the interface. What's not

18:35efficient about looking at your phone right now is trying to figure out how it works and opening up and looking behind the screen at all this stuff that makes no sense to you unless you're one of those guys that build it. So your brain learned to predict because prediction is efficient and it helps keep us alive. It's a survival thing as well. But here's the problem. A system designed to protect you can eventually begin to limit you. Can it? Your brain doesn't only automate useful behaviors like jump out of the way here comes a car. It also automates things like fears, judgments, beliefs, stories, and interpretations. Just like get out of the way here comes a car or somebody's throwing a rock at you duck. We automate fears, judgments, beliefs, stories, and interpretations. So for all of you that are experiencing some of the downward symptoms like I have like anxiety or stress or overwhelm and things like that, I just want you to go, hmm, just like it says on my hat

19:40and we'll get to that and say, I wonder if that's really me being afraid of those things are worried or concerned or overwhelmed or my program. So eventually those interpretations become so familiar, and this is where habit formation comes in, that they stop feeling like interpretations. I found that very interesting when I really deep dove into this stuff is I started to acknowledge this interpretation making machine that I had in my brain and where it was taught to do what it did. But I also started to become fascinated that I didn't even know that it was interpreting things. My brain was just telling me what things were as if they're always like that. But remember, we have this tendency if we don't acknowledge this thing that's going on that we can buy into something that doesn't serve us like I did wanting to die. So this sense making machine that is basically making interpretations without you knowing that it is starts to feel like what we call

20:41reality. Hey, take a reality check. I mean, let's be real here for a second. What does that even mean? It's kind of silly, isn't it? This is typically the time of this conversation where people that are not open and curious and ready. Typically people that find their way to me and my systems are people that want change, but they want to improve or they're just curious. But if somebody is planted and set in their ways, which I was for many years, they don't want to hear that there might be another way. Nobody wants to hear that there's another way if you've already made your decision of the way. Politics, religion, and things like that. And then the funny thing about it is if you're that kind of person that protects your position and that's a survival tactic as well, right? We're trying to survive in our social gatherings and fit in and things like that. But if you're that kind of person that's protecting it, you'll even go to the next step and call somebody that thinks differently the devil, you know, the adversary. And a lot of people don't like to hear people like me that

21:44entertain alternative perspectives about that. You can do it in secret. It's the most powerful thing that we could ever do. I just spoke to Stephen Kotler who tells us how do we get into the flow state. And he said the number one most effective thing that we can do to hack into flow is be curious. And there's now studies that show that opening curious people live longer as well. So the decision is yours. You can exit the conversation as we go further down the rabbit hole and teach you the four steps. Or you can say, hmm, maybe I'm not sure. So I like to describe that whole experience like we're wearing augmented reality glasses. A lot of you can see that I wear glasses and a lot of you don't know that they don't have lenses in them. For this reason when I learn this. So I like to describe this experience like we're wearing augmented reality glasses. And for those of you that know the difference of virtual reality and augmented reality is when you're wearing augmented reality glasses like the new Apple glasses and stuff like that or the medic glasses. You see

22:48things as they are, but you also see additional things. Video screens, Pokemon, all of that stuff. So augmented reality is taking the existing reality and adding what else is there. I was always wondering what else is going on in the space between us and things like that. So at first your parents helped you construct these lenses that we wear. These augmented reality lenses. Because that's what I'm entertaining right now is if you're saying that you see something that somebody else doesn't see or you interpret something that somebody else can't interpret the same way, that means that your vision has been augmented. That's the idea. So at first our parents all do well. I mean, I'm doing the same thing with my kids trying to do the best that I can. We help our kids construct the lenses, but we don't realize that we're helping them construct lenses like ours, which seems like the right thing to do. But then we move into school and church and culture and our teachers preachers and our culture and relationships, pain experiences, success failures. Now

23:52social media all added something to these lenses. So I want you to just acknowledge that your lenses that you're looking at and interpreting reality have been augmented by all of those things. So here you are looking at things through a lens that has been conditioned from the outside in. And I'm not saying that's good or bad, but that's why I popped my lenses out. It was just this way of saying, I'm going to remind myself to look at things through my own lens. Eventually you forgot you were even wearing glasses and you started saying, this is just the way things are. I mean, let's get real. You're out of your mind if you can't see that this is the way things are. This is what I think and this is just simply what is me when I was going through this journey after what I had been through. Sometimes we have to go through some tough times after what I had been through and after learning everything that I could about human brain development and our sense making machines, which is extraordinary. You think chat GPT is cool and AI learn about the human sense making machine.

24:59Fascinating will never be duplicated. I became open and curious when I started learning about how the brain works. And I was kind of like a detective. I became a little bit of like an curious detective that was trying to crack a case and I was looking at all facts. I was bagging all evidence in the book you hear about this idea called the crazy wall. So I was putting everything up on a wall and connecting everything with red yarn and trying to make sense of things. That's where the name for the book came out. I started asking questions about everything just like I did when I was a kid. When I looked at this process of human perception and giving meaning to things, I began thinking, hmm, is it? I allowed myself to say things like maybe or maybe not. Maybe that's simply how things look through these lenses that I had. I wonder what they look like through someone else's lenses or a new pair of lenses. And that distinction changed everything. And I hope that you guys can grasp that because between what happens, whatever it is that's happening because that never changes.

26:05Between what happens and how you respond to it, how you interpret and respond to it, sits this thing that we've been talking about called the interface. If you want to change your mindset, stop overreacting, develop greater emotional intelligence, or even learn how to respond instead of react. There's a big difference between a knee jerk reaction and a well thought out conscious response. You need to become first aware of the interface and how the brain work. That's the big step and that you'll see that that's the first step of the interface responses and proceed. So that's why I devoted my entire life to creating what I call the IRS, not the one that takes your money, the interface response system. So it consists of four steps and they all begin with a p. So there's perceive, pause, process, and then finally proceed. So I just want to go through those four. Remember, you can listen to this on my podcast. I've gone through this in extent. Join the Makesense Academy. That's where we actually work on this stuff. If you have my book, you can go deep

27:09dive into this stuff. So step one, perceive. The first step, perceive means recognizing the difference between what actually happened and what you think that it means. Someone walks past you without saying hello. So that's what happened. That's the happening. They ignored me, you say, oh, they must be angry. They're rude. They don't respect me. Those are interpretations of what you think happened. But we're acknowledging here that our brain has this way of making those interpretations without asking us. And we know that there's something driving it behind. So step one, perceive considers what I call brain awareness perception. And I love that BAP, BAP, brain awareness perception. What brain awareness perception is referring to is how the brain perceives. So you have to recognize brain awareness perception and how it's been conditioned to see things. The large possibility sits in that space that what you see may just be an interpretation of your programming,

28:12not what actually happened. So perceive is about acknowledging that and taking note that what we see in what we think might not actually be. If you succeed at that, step two helps us do this. You're going to become curious. Well, then what else? What could it be? So maybe they didn't see you that person that walked by without saying hi. Maybe they were distracted. That's what happens when you recognize brain awareness perception. Maybe something terrible happened five minutes earlier to them. The problem isn't that we interpret reality. The problem is that we often mistake our first interpretation for the only possible explanation. Perceive, step one, means noticing the lenses that you're looking through. Just noticing that you're looking through lenses. Step two, pause, which can only happen after perceived. You can't just go around and pause without acknowledging brain awareness perception. So I have an activation word for this and it's a practice of cognitive

29:14distancing and it's on my hat and it sounds like this. Hmm, it's got a question mark after it. Stands for haven't made up my mind yet. I like to tell people I haven't made up my mind about anything yet. Someone criticizes you. Something triggers you. You receive bad news. Rather than immediately defending, attacking, retreating, judging or catastrophizing, you simply say, hmm, which creates space and triggers and launches curiosity. That is the key. And the question that I would ask you is why not? Why do we need to know so fast? Because now that you know, if you're listening to this, you know that whatever it is you think you know, you've learned to know. And if those things outside forces were wrong, what then what you know is not so. Once you say, hmm,

30:17you'll notice that there's some time, there's some space. I call that space the eye of the storm. If you don't know what an eye of the storm is, it's like when you're in like a big, big storm, very often in the middle of it, there's an eye and where everything is just perfect. It's beautiful. Right outside of that is just chaos. But in the eye of the storm, everything's beautiful. And in the eye, you have a chance to get your shit together rather than fight the storm. So I call this the eye of the storm. Life brings storms, arguments, fear, rejection, uncertainty, loss and pain. That's a guarantee. The pause doesn't make those things and the storm disappear. That's not what the pause does. What the pause, hmm, does is it gives us a place. And that's the eye from which to see things more clearly. And this is the fundamental difference between reacting and responding. If you are someone that flies off the handle or over reacts or always lets your knee jerk,

31:20you talk too much. That was me. This helps you think first. And that's the difference between reacting and responding. Reacting to your nervous system versus thinking about it first. A reaction is automatic. A response contains choice. So the pause doesn't guarantee that you'll make the perfect choice. It just simply gives you the opportunity to actually make a choice. And even know that you have a choice. Makes sense? So after the pause, we're in this beautiful space where we get to go to probably my absolute favorite step and that's process. And while we're in this, I have the storm. We can process and assess things. This is where certainty gives way to open curiosity. What else might be true, dragon? What am I assuming here? What am I consuming that's making me assume? Is this actually true? Have I assessed all of the actual facts here? What part of my reaction belongs to what's happening now and what part belongs to my past? What am I not seeing

32:26right now? Is there anything else that I might be missing? So in this third step and that's process, we use some powerful tools that I created to help us change the way that we look at things. So when Wayne Dyer used to say, when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. Everybody loves that quote and they go, yeah, amen, but they don't know how to do it. This is how we teach people to do it. So there's a couple of schools and strategies that we teach. I'll share a couple of them briefly. One of them is called holographic vision. If you go back a couple of episodes, you'll see that we just did a podcast on that. And holographic vision is the ability to just simply move around a situation happening and see it from alternative perspectives. More than one perspective. And the goal, by the way, for those of you that like your perspective, the goal is not to abandon your perspective. It's to stop confusing it automatically with the complete picture. Consider how we think that our perspective is the complete picture. And we

33:33haven't even taken a look at things from an alternative one like maybe walking in someone else's shoes. We also run things through something called the sorting filter. When you get the book, there's a QR code that gives you all of these exercise. But the sorting filter is basically a system that we construct that ask curious questions that wake us up to actual facts. If you don't ask these questions, you're going to miss a lot of facts that your perception is incomplete. Not wrong, incomplete. What can I control? What can't I control? That's in the sorting filter. Other people's opinions? Not yours to control. Are they? Can you control other people's opinions of you? We just did an episode called misunderstood. We very often get misunderstood. What can I control? What can I control? Other people's opinions? Not ours to control. The past, the future, not ours to control. Maybe we can leverage the future, but can't control it. We don't even know if we have it.

34:36Outcomes that involve other people and them following through? Not ours to control. Your effort, attitude, boundaries, preparation, and your next move all belong to you. Do you know the difference? Because we very often try to control uncontrollable things. But if you don't have a sorting filter, that's where we step on our own feet. So then comes what I call the bouncer. Imagine that you're in a nightclub or you're standing outside of a nightclub and that nightclub represents your brain and everybody wants to get into your nightclub. Fear wants to get in. Other people's opinions want in. Resentment wants in. Social media wants into your nightclub. And that voice from 30 years ago that no longer applies wants in. But your bouncer stands at the door and asks one question to everything in person that wants to get into your nightclub. Are you on the guest list? This is a great way to protect things from coming into your brain. And very often that bouncer comes out from just

35:36saying, hmm, and giving yourself some time and asking new questions. Is this useful? Is it controllable? Does it help me become the person that I want to be? Do I want this in my nightclub? I learned this from actually working as a bouncer outside of a popular bar and club in college. Everybody was used to come to this bar and I used to work the door. We all knew not to let certain people into the bar, into the club because they were going to cause trouble. And when people go into your club and cause trouble, you have a new job. Now you have to go in and find them and kick them out of the club. So think about how many things that you've just automatically let cut the line, not be on the guest list and get into your club. I'm pointing for those of you listening to just the podcast, pointing at my head. Now you got to work all of this stuff and see all these therapists about getting stuff out of the club. What I'm saying is from this day forward, let's create a guest list.

36:36So that's what I mean when I talk a lot about this idea of learning how to care less. I wear a shirt that says breaking news. I don't care. And that's not about me not caring about anything. It's not careless to say I could care less. It's not cold. It's not indifferent. It's just me being select. Makes sense? So remember your time, attention, trust, energy, and care are all valuable resources and assets, but they're limited. You don't have unlimited time, attention, trust, energy, and care. You only have a limited supply. So just think about all those days that you've spent it all on stupid shit. And then you come home to your family and you have nothing else. So that's what it's called to live your life around what matters most. So the interface response system is not just about learning how to handle adversity and respond to people and handle criticism. It's very good for that. But it's also about putting you in a position to live your life around the things that matter most, which I've learned the hard way to do. I didn't have the

37:38interface response system all the time. Every bit that you spend of all these resources on something meaningless or uncontrollable without this is something that you no longer have available for the things that actually matter. Once we've gotten through those first three steps, we are primed and ready for step four. And that is to formulate a response and proceed. So this is where we flip the switch from reaction to response. Maybe you speak. Maybe you listen. These are the options. We have choices now. It's those of you that talk too much like me. Maybe I don't need to talk. Maybe you speak. Maybe you listen. Maybe you apologize. Add that one in. Maybe you change your mind. Maybe you said a new boundary. Maybe you stand your ground. That's still an option. Maybe you walk away. Maybe you don't even fucking care. That's an option. And sometimes the most powerful response is to just realize that you can do nothing. We get so defensive when people criticize us, even if

38:42we don't know them and they don't know us. Why? Why do we use some of our valuable resources that we could use for the things and people that matter most on those people? I made a huge distinction, say, I'm so sorry. I don't know how to say this, but I don't fucking care. That's not important to me what you think. Because I don't even know who you are. So the interface response system doesn't tell you which choice to make, by the way. That's not what we're here to tell you. It helps you recognize who's making the choice. Is fear choosing? Is your ego choosing? Is your childhood trauma choosing? And your conditioning choosing? Is social pressure making the choice? An old wound that you have? Or is it you here and now consciously deciding what happens next? That's what it means to become the shot caller and dominant force of your life to actually reclaim control. And I call that in the book the choice point. So at first, you're probably going to notice that all of this

39:48stuff is going to happen after you react it. That's normal. Right. You're going to go out. So I'm going to run the interface response system. You're going to first notice that all of these cool things, these distinctions and insights happen after you react to because your reaction is used to just happening. So an autopilot, that's okay. You're going to lose your temper and five minutes later think, oh, I could have handled that differently. That's progress. So if you have a fight with your spouse and you come back later and you have a conscious talk and say, here, let me take ownership for this. I could have handled this differently. That's progress. Eventually that five minutes or even a day sometimes becomes one minute and you start to say, hmm, a lot more and think about it first. Then you catch yourself during the actual thing that's happening, the reaction. You feel it, you feel the knee jerk reaction rearing up and before the words come out of your mouth, you say, hmm, they're just respecting me. Hmm. Are they? Is that right? This is going to be a disaster. Hmm.

40:51Is it? I can't do this. Hmm. Who taught me to say that? Be patient in the book we call this fraction. When we practice things, we're not good at things first. We get good at them along the way. You don't have to be good at something before you start it. You have to practice. So if you are not an action oriented person, you have to practice it. We call that fraction. So that's how you begin to rewire your brain. This is why we call the book, makes sense how to rewire your mind and transform your life, transform your life comes after. So that's how you begin to rewire your brain. Not by pretending that your old programming doesn't exist. This idea of letting go of your past. I get that, but I'm saying to ignore that there's programming going on here, I think is naive. So it's not to pretend that your old programming doesn't exist, but by interrupting the authority that it has over you. That's how you begin to rewire your brain. Not by pretending your old programming doesn't

41:52exist, but by interpreting its authority to make every decision for you. I don't necessarily consider all of my programming bad, but I'm not just going to hand the keys of trust over to it to make all my decisions. That's never going to work because I didn't create the programming. And please understand the goal here is not to become emotionless. A lot of people challenge me on that. Anger, fear, and sadness contain a lot of valuable information. I suggest that you feel those things. Your reactions contain information. All of your knee jerk reactions. There's a lot of lessons to learn from that. You know, we're not trying to silence our automatic response system. We're just not automatically handing them the steering wheel any longer. That's it. Your programming can stay in the car. If we're driving, your programming can stay in the car and come along with us. Your past can come along as well. Fear can come along. Your parents, your voices in the back of your mind, they can

42:54sit in the back seat and come along as well. Society can even still be there to yell directions at you when you're on your journey. Your experiences can even hold the map, which is what we used to do. From 20 years ago, your experiences can say, remember this happened? We don't control those things. They can all come along for the ride. They just don't get to drive anymore. You do. Life has taught me that we don't always get to choose what presents itself. We don't choose every diagnosis, loss, rejection, betrayal, or unexpected turn that happens in life. But we do get to choose how we participate in what happens next. And you know that. What will I focus on? What will I trust? What meaning will I assign to this? Hmm. What deserves my trust in my care? What is actually within my control in this situation? And perhaps most importantly, who do I choose to become in the response? So remember the four words, perceive, pause,

44:00process, and then proceed. Notice what happened? And the lenses through which you're seeing what happened. Just say, hmm, haven't made up my mind and create some space. Allow yourself, gift yourself some space to think. You don't have to respond if a car is not coming at you. And you don't have to jump out of the way. And somebody just says something to you or something just happens. You don't have to respond right away. Get curious and examine what else might be true. Sort what you control from what you don't. Put the bouncer back at the door with a guest list. You make the guest list and then consciously choose what happens next. So here's my challenge to everybody in closing. Don't try to master the entire interface response system. And I welcome you all to join the Make Sense Academy where we actually do this work. It's very, very inexpensive. Don't try to master the entire interface response system. Just catch one reaction. Try that today.

45:04The next time that you feel yourself becoming angry, defensive, afraid, offended, or absolutely certain that you know what something means. Catch yourself and just say one word. Hmm. Haven't made up my mind yet. That space between what happens and what happens next may be some of the most valuable real estate that you will ever own and you all own that space. You just didn't know that you had it. It's where conditioning ends and consciousness gets a vote. It's where reaction becomes response and it's where all of the good shift happens. Make sense? That's it for today. To support the Make Sense with Dr. JC podcast, be sure to subscribe, like, and share as well as follow the Make Sense sub-stack for free daily quotes, live streams, and blogs. And remember, learning without action is just another form of distraction. If something hit home and you learn something today, give it away. That's the only way it's going to stay. See you next time.