Jack Benny - Charlies Aunt

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1:01And in a cigarette it's the tobacco that counts. So smoke the smoke, tobacco expert smoke, Lucky Strike. Remember. Independent tobacco experts again name Lucky Strike First Choice. Lucky Strike First Choice. Over any other brand. The Lucky Strike program starring Jack Venney with very living son Phil Harris Rochester Dennis Day and yours truly Don Wilson. Ladies and gentlemen Jack Venney has just returned from his stay in Palm Springs. So let's go out to Jack's house in Beverly Hills. It's morning and we find Rochester in the kitchen. I'm overlooking a sink full of fish and I over looked away. There's spoons and there's saucers and dirt on the board.

2:04Good morning Rochester. Oh good morning boys. Did you have a nice night? Oh pretty good Rochester but as you know I had a difficult time falling asleep. I counted 3,000 sheep. 3,020 to be exact. Was that many? Yeah and for us tonight when you go to bed why don't you take a little film? No Rochester I prefer to count sheep. I know but I feel so silly putting on that white coat and jumping back and forth over your bed folks. Rochester if I can toss them turn you can jump a little. I'll call me some coffee. Okay just a minute boys. Why'd you pull down the shade? In case Mr. Coleman looks out of his window I don't want him to see you. Oh yes yes he's still mad about my losing his Oscar isn't he? Mad yesterday came over and got one of our long moors. Well that's alright. I know but he won't have his long before he put the flag down on the meter.

3:08She rocks us here if Mr. Coleman finds out I'm back from Palm Springs no telling what he'll do. But I have to go to the studio. How am I going to get out of the house without him seeing me? Well let me see. I know. What? Get down on all fours I'll throw the bearskin rubbed over and lead you out of the house on the leash. No no that wouldn't work. Now suppose he comes over to pet me. I'll leave the muzzle off so you can bite him. I probably break my tooth on his gargard silly. But I got to get out of the house without Mr. Coleman seeing me. Say boss I know what you can do. What? You've still got your old Charlie's ant costume why don't you put that on? Say that's a wonderful idea. If I'm dressed like a woman he won't recognize me. That's a... You take it Rochester I'll go and put on my Charlie's ant costume. Yes sir. Mr. Benny's residence, star of stage screen radio and we'll accept the nomination for any party that'll let him run out rooms in the hide house.

4:10Hello Rochester this is Miss Livingston. Oh hello Miss Livingston. How did you enjoy your two week stay in Ponceville? Oh wonderful Rochester I was on the golf course with Mr. Benny every day. I know and Mr. Benny said you owed him $4.35. That's right. I didn't know he could beat you. He didn't beat me he catted for me. Oh! By the way Rochester how does Mr. Benny feel now? Much better but when he got home from Ponce Springs he was green. What made him so sick? He stopped at an orange juice stand that said all you can drink for 10 cents and we had a roll him back in the car. Oh! So that's what it was. He woke me up when he came sloshing into the house. Well Rochester please tell Mr. Benny that I'll pick him up in a few minutes I'm way down to this studio. That'll be fine Miss Livingston but with your mind waiting for him down the corner. On the corner why?

5:11Mr. Benny will explain it to you when he sees you. All right Rochester goodbye. Goodbye. Are you decent boss? Yeah come on in. Rochester how do I look at my Charlie's hand costume? Well let me see you've got the wig on straight and your curls tumble down over your forehead in the tan-lizing manner. Thank you thank you. Your mascara is just heavy enough to accentuate the blue in your eyes. Good good. Your lips have the red glow of a summer sun as it slowly sinks into the peaceful vicinity. Well and your... Uh oh. What's the matter? You better pull up your shoulder straps you're hair on your chest and showing. Oh nobody'll notice that when I wear my shawl.

6:12Oh my goodness look what time it is I better get started for the studio. All right Thomas Livingston to pick you up on the corner. Well that's a good idea. Yeah I hope nobody recognized me. Rochester this dress really make me look like a woman. Boss if this was Mother's Day you'd be lousy with flowers. Good good. So long Rochester. Good bye. Little chilly and glad I wore the shawl. A pretty girl is like a melody. See if I pass Georgie Jessel I'm dead. But it'll be interesting. Well as soon as I get Mary's car I'll take off this dress and oh oh my goodness. Here comes Ronald Coleman walking this way.

7:12I just put down my head across the street. She that was close. Better be careful lady. I hope you're across the street. Well thank you thank you very much but I can manage by myself. Well let me take your arm. Well all right. Am I walking too fast for your mother? No no. Well here we are crosses. I'm going to go to the next station. I'm going to go to the next station. Well here we are crosses street. Yes now now what's the curb? Up to the daisy. Thank you. Thank you very much Mr. Coleman. Oh you you recognize me. Yes yes now I have to. Would you would you like my autograph? Oh not now I'm in a hurry. I will only take a minute. I'm sorry but I don't have a pencil or a paper I really have.

8:12Oh I don't need pencil and paper. I have them written out on little cars. You know the demand has been quite heavy lately. Oh but I'll take one. No take two give one to your husband. Thank you he's dead. By the way madam am I the first movie star you ever met? Well no no I was met by the way. Oh no I was met by the way. Oh no I was met by the way. By the first movie star you ever met? Well no no I was met Charles Ferrell, star of seventh heaven. Charlie Ferrell no no must have been before my time. Yes well thanks again Mr. Coleman you're my favorite Oscar. I mean actor. What was it? Come on come on come on.

9:15Gosh that was a narrow escape. I don't know how much longer I could have held out. There's a fly under my wig. I'll get him. I'll comb him out later. Now let me see Rochester said that Mary would pick me. Oh here's Mary's car over there. I beg your pardon madam but I'm... Mary it's me it's me. Oh for heaven say check. What are you doing in that outfit? I had to put it on so I could sneak out of the house without Ronald Coleman recognizing me. It's a good thing I did too because I bumped into him. Why just saw Ronnie too? Oh my good if he saw you he'll be sure to know that I'm around. Oh he didn't see me Jack he just walked by the car and threw his autograph for the back seat. The back seat? Oh yeah here it is. Well what do you know? This one has glue on it so you can stick it on your windshield. Come on Mary let's go.

10:15Jack you're not going to the studio dressed as Charlie's Aunt are you? No no Mary I have my suit on underneath. I'll slip the dress off while you're driving. No no Jack don't take it off. I want to remember you just the way you are. What? The way your curls tumble down over your forehead in the tantalizing manner. Say Rochester said the same thing. And your mascara is just heavy enough to accentuate the blue of your eyes. That's funny. He said that too. And your lips have the red glow of the summer sun slowly sinking into the LeBraya tarpids. Mary. I bet he didn't think of that one. No no. Come on let's hurry the studio. I can't get this I got to get this dress off before we get there. I'm going into my dressing room. Call me when you start to rehearse. Okay I'll see you later.

11:19Oh there's Mel blank. Hello Mel. Hello Jack are you going to use me on your show today? No no Mel I spent too much money in Palm Springs. Maybe next week. So long Mel. So long. It's the event's all folks. Jesus clever guy. It's a shame he won't work cheaper. Oh well, now he don't die. I had Jackson long time no see. Oh hello Phil. Hey Jack let me look at you. You know you're staying Palm Springs did you a lot of good? You're two inches taller. What? I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that. You're two inches taller. What? You're tall. I forgot to take off these high heel shoes. But Phil, low kidding I sure missed you on our last two shows. I know. What? You need me Jackson you need me. What do you mean I got big laughs didn't I?

12:19You got laughs but there was something missing. You know your program without me is like a Persian rug. It looks good but it just lays there. Phil. Look Jackson you tried it without me for two weeks. Now if you learned your lesson. What? If you can't take the talent with you stay where the talent is. Phil. Phil. Shrinking violet. Look. How can you possibly be so egotistical? I need egotistical Jackson. I just say if you got an effervescent personality let it be. Let it be. If that doesn't stop the air conditioning nothing will. Phil listen we got a very important show so let's get started with the rehearsal. Okay if you wait a minute Jackson I want to go in and run over Dennis's song with him. Okay I'll come along with you. Come on. All right all right all right man hold it hold it hold it. Let's run through Dennis's number one small alright come on. I'm going to get in the car. I'm going to get in the car. I'm going to get in the car. I'm going to get in the car. I'm going to get in the car. I'm going to get in the car. I'm going to get in the car. There was a boy.

13:27A very strange and chatted boy. They say he wandered very far, very far, over land and sea. A little shot and said a while, but very wise was he. And then one day a magic day he passed my way.

14:27And while we spoke of many things, fools and kings, this he said to me. The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just love and be loved in return. The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just love and be loved in return.

15:38Well, I was very, very good dentist. That song sounded swell. I guess you're right, dentist. Say, dentist, what time did you get home from Palm Springs Sunday night? No, I didn't get home Sunday. I got home late Wednesday and almost missed my own show.

16:43But you left Palm Springs Sunday night. What took you so long? Your car break down? No, but I ran into a lot of traffic in Salt Lake City. I was dancing and playing games all by yourself. It's done with mirrors. Oh, fine. Me having two shows I can understand, but this kid's a mystery. Dennis, why don't you? Hey, Jack, oh, hello, Dennis. Wow, how are you, living? You ravishing, gorgeous one, you.

17:45Hello, Bill. Say, Jack, the drug star just sent back the pictures we took in Palm Springs. Oh, good, good. Let's take a look at them. Hey, let me see that, Levy. Here. Well, scutter, whoo, scutter, hey! Oh, say, that's really a gorgeous bathing suit. Oh, it's nothing. That he can see, believe me. And Bill, here's what a Jack and his bathing trunks. Let me have a figure that. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. What do you laugh at? You look like a spider with four legs, man. All right, Phil, you can stop fizzing. Hey, Mary, can I see that picture of Mr. Benny? Yeah, yeah, Dennis. Gee, I don't know what Phil was laughing at. Thanks, kid. For a spider, you look pretty good. Well, I don't know whether you fellas are kidding me or not. Hey, Jack, we better start rehearsing. We go in the air pretty soon. Yeah, let's get going, Jackson. The music's already good. And now, hey, wait a minute. Where's Don?

18:46Oh, Don. Oh, Don. Oh, here I am, Jack. Well, Don is getting kind of late and we have to... Don. Where's you, Stan? No, I always look like this. Well, look, Don. We've got practically everything ready, but the quartet. Did you rehearse them? Oh, yes, Jack. I've got a great surprise for you. A surprise? Yes. For weeks now, your quartet's been rehearsing an operatic number, but they needed a soprano for the lead. So I took the liberty of asking Dorothy Kirsten to come over and join them. Well, I think it was very Dorothy Kirsten. You don't mean Dorothy Kirsten of the Metropolitan Opera? Yes, Mr. Benny, and here I am. Well, Miss Kirsten, this is indeed an honor and a great privilege having an operatic star like you on my program.

19:50Thank you, Mr. Benny. Coming from a violinist of your reputation, I consider that quite a compliment. Speaking of my violin playing, I really shouldn't take too much credit for a talent that comes naturally. Really? Some talent. Your father used to tie a flat iron on the end of your bow so you could practice the violin and press pants at the same time. Merry, please. Oh, Miss Kirsten, this is Mary Livingston. How do you do, Miss Livingston? How do you do? And this is Dennis Day. Hello, Dennis. Glad to know you, Miss Kirsten. Dennis, you must be very proud to be associated with a man of Mr. Benny's stature and importance. And a bathing suit, he looks like a spider. Mr. Day. He's such a kid. Well, Miss Kirsten, I wanted to tell you that I saw you in Madam Butterfly Wednesday afternoon, and I thought your performance was simply magnificent. Well, thanks.

20:51Thanks awfully. It's not an awfully nice and kind of you, Mr. Wilson. But who could help singing, Puccini? It's so expressive and particularly in the last act, starting with the Allegro Vivattisimo. Well, that's being very modest, Miss Kirsten, but not every singer has the necessary Belkanto and flexibility or range to cope with a high test of tura of the first act. Thank you, Mr. Wilson. And don't you think that in the Arya Unbeldivattreimo that the strings played the conmultipasyone exceptionally fine and with great sustenendo? Well, I thought... Oh, shara! Mary, that's not cricket.

21:51Now, I was only trying to be sociable, that's all. She, Miss Kirsten, I wish my mother was here. She'd enjoy meeting you. She's a singer too. Oh, is your mother a soprano or a contralto? She's a baritone. Dennis, please. Miss Kirsten, as I understand it, you're going to sing a number with my quartet, is that right? Yes, we rehearsed all week. Didn't we, boys? Well, this is really a big event on my show, Miss Kirsten. I'm certainly thrilled having you, but pardon me. Don. Don, step over here a minute, will you? Don, how much is Miss Kirsten... I mean, how much is she going to charge me? Well, lean over, Jack. I'll whisper it to you. Whoops! See, she gets more than Mel Blaine.

22:55Well... Mr. Benny, I hope you're not concerned about the financial arrangement. Oh, no, that is not worried for myself. I'm worried about the rest of my cast. They'll have to take a cut, you know. Miss Kirsten, what number have you and the boys prepared? The quartet from Regoletto. Oh, well, that should be wonderful on the show. May we hear it now? Certainly. Don, announce it now. Just the way we're going to do it on the show, will you? Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, tonight we have the privilege of bringing you the quartet from Regoletto with the sportsman quartet. I'm starring Miss Dorothy Kirsten of the Metropolitan Opera. The daughter of the mother. The mother. The son of the son of the father. The father. The son of the son of the father.

23:55He has lost all his love and, never let him walk. Cherry! I will do something else. Have you gone too far? I'll do something more difficult, nothing is wrong with him. He will turn me into a PSU resource, ever somewhere else. If you want to show off. Look at Leo. Look at him. Look at him. Look at him. Look at him. Look at him, he's useful. Look at him. He wants to do it, isn't he? Oh yes, indeed he is fine. For the men who know to back will say the lucky heart divine. For the inferential despair,

24:55And therefore, fairly, And therefore, be on the throne. Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, And therefore, be on the throne. And therefore, be on the throne. For theات sweet Eth in August night, Our mother has never beeniggly. To follow the wit of ourывает prayer. Our wh restothens of fountains and sinises, To strive exclusively for our divineos. Until we receive prosperity by our names.

26:08No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! Dorothy, I must call you Dorothy, not me! I call you Dorothy now. That was simply superb. Thank you, Jack. You know Ms. Kirsten, my mother wanted me to become an opera singer. Well, it's a very exciting profession indeed, but it requires intensive voice training. I studied 10 years. In Milan? No, do what did he. How? How? It must be a how? Well, Dorothy, when you do this same number on the show, I'd like to ask you a favor. When you finish the number, don't leave the stage. We may want an encore. Very well, Jack.

27:08And now there's something I'd like to ask you. What is it? Where did you get those darling open-to-open dough shoes? I'm sorry. I meant to take them off. It's a long story. But here's what happened. Everybody on stage. Everybody on stage. The program goes on in two minutes. Come on, Dorothy. Come on, kids. Let's give them a great show. Come on. Ladies and gentlemen, the majority of American hospitals now have patients waiting to be admitted. And the situation in many areas is growing steadily worse because of insufficient nursing personnel. All young women between the ages of 17 and 35, who are high school or college graduates, are urged to apply for admission in any one of the 1,300 accredited schools of nursing. Apply to the 1 nearest you. Thank you. The show to listen to the Phil Harris-Alessfay show on Sundays in a day in the life of Dennis Day on Wednesday.

28:09I want to thank Ms. Dorothy Kirsten of the Metropolitan Opera for helping us out tonight. I also want to thank Ronald Coleman for helping me across the street. And now if you'll excuse me, folks, my feet are killing me. Good night. This is NBC, the National Broadcasting Company.